Hello everyone. I would love advice on improving this adventure before a final draft. I will post the outline below. Regular text in <> are ideas that I need help with while italicized text in <> are DM parentheticals. Bolded words are key locations and people as well as section headers.
Many thanks! Velstitzen
ps: Looks like I lifted the name and idea of Nerull from Greyhawk. I forgot about that.
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
For background, these are the two gods the adventure is talking about, from my own notes.
Tanis: “Be not afraid of wind or water.” The god of trade and water, especially rivers. His priests help mollify storms, help sailors and commerce. They never get seasick and interact with aquatic animals. The priests’ use a fish as their symbol. They wear a deep blue cloak. Tanis is sometimes depicted as a tall man with a fishing net. They can use tridents, nets, bows and daggers. Chainmail armor or lighter.
Nerull: The god of death, murder and darkness is also known but not worshipped. People fear his name. It is said that when both moons are new moons, his clerics, the undead and rarely, Nerull himself, are free to roam the land. No one knows for sure what happens on those nights, but legends say they’ll steal children, adults, horses, anything living that’s wandering around the streets and bring them before Nerull to sacrifice. His red robed clerics are not allowed in town and in some places are hunted down. It is rumored that some of his clerics walk the streets in disguise. Their symbol is a sickle. He is often represented as a hooded figure carrying a sickle or a bull. “Where blood is spilled, my cup is filled.”
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Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
PREMISE: What happens to a dragon’s lair, decades or centuries after the dragon’s death?
Everyone in town knows about Dragon’s Rock. Many people say it looks like a dragon in the long shadows of twilight. Few remember that the name actually refers to a time several generations ago when it was inhabited by a dragon! The dragon died and the horde was looted. Most people lost interest at that point but the cave still exists.
Hooks
Life size dragon statue in town is actually a depiction of the dragon in question. It begins crying bloody tears, although some say it is just mineral deposits. <Might the statue have some sort of hidden description or other clue to the true identity and significance?>
The chief priest of Tanis and his wife, the Abess, are offering a reward for information about or return of their daughter, Athira, who has been missing and/or kidnapped by bandits for a few weeks. Previously, she had been a somewhat wayward 18-year-old. <Why did she rebel? Think daughter of megachurch pastors. There is always a black sheep or two.>
There are spooky ruins on the aptly name Haunted Hill, just outside of town on the river. A ruined tower is there and investigation will show the entrance to an elaborate tomb. Engravings around the entrance show a wealthy man’s life and nefarious deeds. The entrance contains a heavy stone door with a 12x12 inch X in the middle <a large keyhole>. Also, the hill looks down river into the lava tube of nearby Dragon’s Rock. Smoke curls up from the opening.
The players hear a poem about a benevolent dragon, aiding the founders of Squall’s End.
The players learn that the town fought a battle with a cult at the time of its founding, maybe even learning that the cult was serving Nerull.
Main plot points:
-A gold dragon died in her lair over two hundred years ago due to a massive cave in. She protected the town when it was founded and then for the first hundred years. The treasure room of her cave was desecrated by grave robbers’ multiple times <think the pyramids, Greek temples, etc> but the collapsed bedroom has not been explored, as there was no reason to. She wore a steel chain around her neck, containing a 1 sq ft locket. Inside the locket is an x-shaped key. These artifacts have stayed on her body, buried under the rubble for more than two centuries.
<If you think people wouldn’t forget something like this, consider that Pearl Harbor is a fading memory, less than a century>
-Athira has decided to forge her own path, starting a secret order to serve Nerull, the god of death and disease. She has spent several months working inside the old dragon’s cave. Her followers and slaves are trying to excavate the dragon’s bones from the main collapsed room to obtain the locket and ultimately the key to the tomb of a long dead chief priest of Nerull, defeated by the dragon around the time of the town’s founding.
-The cultists also are collecting blood and souls in a magical chest. This chest is storing up energy to resurrect the dead priest.
-Front entrance to dragon’s cave is an obvious open cavern. False floor in the first room opens to a slide. Many thrill seekers, people seeking shelter from storms and others fall down the hole. Once in the lair, the priestess and her servants capture them. This will serve as a one-way door for the PCs, preventing rest and resupply.
-A few gold dragon scales can be found here and there, revealing the identity of the previous inhabitant.
-Slaves from the docks are being bought in large numbers to go to the lair. The community is told that they are being “liberated.”
- If Athira is confronted, she will allow herself to be “rescued,” only to turn on the party at the most inopportune (or opportune, depending on your viewpoint) time in the dungeon when they “rescue” her. <Hence, Demon in Distress, not damsel.> She is the chief cult priestess although not the most powerful enemy NPC.
-Part of the cave system is not under the control of the group, but instead filled with rust monsters, jellies, or some sort of unintelligent but deadly life. Many of these areas have been blocked up by the cult to keep out the creepie-crawly denizens which now inhabit it. These could be unblocked by the PCs and result in (unnecessary) animal battles.
-Some of the new doors are magically sealed by the cult and will only open if blood is placed on them. Can be animal, self or humanoid sacrificial blood. This keeps outsiders away.
-At least one body of a previous intrepid adventurer is found in the animal-controlled portion. He/she/they contain treasure and/or a map with information regarding the history of Dragon Rock.
Goals:
-Escape out of the cave after falling in (primary)
-Destroy the tomb key and/or the tomb itself
-Return Athira to town as a prisoner. Deal with possible fallout from her prominent parents.
-Kill Athira and/or cultists
-Release souls with the help of a good cleric
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Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
Hmm. Overall, I like the setting and the pieces. However, the story itself doesn't seem to hold together for me.
- Athira - 18 years old? - now the head priestess of a cult of death worshippers trying to resurrect some long dead priest? Unfortunately, that narrative doesn't make much sense. How did the daughter of clerics in the village get involved in such a cult? How did she rise to a position of authority? It isn't impossible but without some extra plot elements, it doesn't really make much sense.
- in terms of the recent history .. how did this "cult" come into existence. How many members are there and how did these cult members manage to set up a base close to town and not be noticed? Where do they get their food? Where do they go for rest and relaxation? It sounds like a bunch of them are in some dank cave system underneath a local hill called Dragon's rock which doesn't sound pleasant.
- where did the cult get its information? It seems to be very well informed. The Dragon's hoard has been looted for 2 centuries and yet somehow the cult knows that the dragon's body has not been discovered, that the dragon has a locket around its neck with a special key opening a tomb where the priest of the death god is buried? If the dragon defeated the priest, who built the tomb and buried the body? Why did the dragon bother when it would be just as easy to incinerate the body of the priest once and for all?
- large numbers of slaves are taken to the rock, are never seen again and yet the village is told they are being "liberated" ... even villagers wouldn't believe that. Also, this implies that the cult organization is HUGE, possibly hundreds of people, not something that is easily hidden. In addition, if they are bringing large numbers (hundreds?) of slaves into the rock, it won't be through a one way cool sounding slide ... there will be a door to move people and the supplies needed to feed them in and out ... unless the cultists have a bunch of druids casting multiple goodberries every day just to feed their slaves ... but they would still need water.
------------
Basically, you have a number of cool story elements .. but you need to decide what the story is and not how you want the players to interact with it. You've kind of written everything from a party centric point of view - what does the party see, what does the party encounter, how do the NPCs interact with the party. However, I find that the story works better if you define what the NPCs goals and objectives are, how did they get there, what they plan to do next - then let the party decide what they are going to do and resolve the interaction.
For example, just based on your narrative above ...
- the party knows that something is going on at the rock. large numbers of slaves are going in but none are coming out. They could decide to explore the obvious entrance or follow a group of slaves and see how they get in (and out).
- the cultists likely need supplies - food, water, replacement tools etc - the party could watch and see where the people are entering and exiting and choose one of those entrances
There is no guarantee that the party will choose the route into the place that you have in mind.
---------------
In terms of making your story hang together a bit better.
- the cult was never destroyed when the town was destroyed - it went underground. The head priest was destroyed by the dragon and converted to ash. The dragon sealed the entrance to the temple since it was sanctified to Nerull and they could not destroy it. However, before it was sealed, a surviving member of the cult managed to slip inside with a specially engraved urn containing the ashes of the dead priest. That member was sealed inside and died there, they secreted the urn somewhere in the temple, the exact location is not known to the surviving cult members.
- A special new moon conjunction is coming up in a few months, not only are both moons shaded but one moon is directly behind the other thus doubly shading it. This type of conjunction only occurs once every 500 years or so but it is a time of special power for Nerull. The cult has been biding its time waiting for this conjunction so that they can attempt to resurrect their leader, the "Blessed of Nerull".
- The cult is aware that the tomb was sealed by the dragon and because they have records, they also know that the key to unlock the tomb has not been found. They are also aware that dragon bones have never been found in dragon rock. There was an earthquake about 20 years after the cult was "defeated" and although the dragon wasn't frequently seen before that event, they were never seen afterward. However, the cult doesn't know whether the dragon was in its lair when the earthquake struck (records indicate that the earthquake was strong enough to destroy most buildings and even change the route of the river around the village).
- With the conjunction coming, the cult is now searching for the key. It has been searching quietly for the last couple of centuries but some cultists have been more diligent than others. However, the current leader of the church of Nerull in the village is the Abess. The cult has made sure to constantly insinuate itself into the church in town to prevent any interference in their efforts over the centuries. Her husband is a true believer in Tanis. They are both clerics but the Abess' power comes from darker sources - but she can cure wounds as well as any other cleric and is quite happy to do so to maintain her disguise and deception. Her daughter Athira has been brought up in the cult. She is being groomed to take her mother's place as has happened several times in the last 200 years. With the conjunction approaching, the Abess has sent her daughter to take personal control of the search for the key. Her absence was initially explained to her husband as a trip to another local village. However, the abbot heard from a traveller that his daughter never arrived and he fears she has been taken by bandits. The Abbot has issued a reward for the return of his daughter and is very sincere in his worry for her return. The Abess won't talk to any adventurers, feigning worry and being distraught. However, she doesn't want any perceptive or insightful adventurers to notice that she might not be as worried as she seems so she lets the Abbot do the talking.
- I'd probably reduce the "slaves" to a dozen or so hired labourers brought in from out of town. The cult itself might consist of a couple of dozen people (most of whom are town folk or who live nearby - their periodic absences assisting in the search could be something the characters notice if they investigate) .. probably additional cult members were brought in from out of town to supplement the numbers if you need them. Have a couple of spellcasters with the mold earth cantrip since it makes excavation much easier. Passwall, stoneshape, are also good spells - perhaps have a set of Nolzur's Marvellous Pigments or two since they are great for clearing rock or digging tunnels (these would be partially used if the character's recover them and they are a really fun magic item).
- The dragon rock would probably have half a dozen entrances. However, the cult might have set up deadfall traps or similar to prevent an intruder from exiting (this might be a better choice than a one way slide since characters might well be able to go back up the slide anyway - spider climb spell, fly, hammering in pitons .. stand on the one you hammer in to hammer in another - there are LOTS of ways that a slide (or shaft) would not prevent a party from exiting.
- if the cult is capable of enchanting magical doors sealed by blood then they are a lot more powerful than one might expect. It is a really cool idea but I think it would fit better inside the buried temple of Nerull in the second half of the adventure where items created by the full power of the cult might be expected. I'd probably go with barricaded wooden doors. I would also make the cave system beneath the rock a maze of passages. Perhaps a druid cult member has tasked the rats and other small creatures with removing any signs of passage that creatures might leave behind. This obscures the tracks of any cult members within a few minutes of them going by but it also removes any traces of route markings the party leaves to avoid getting lost - including their own tracks. :) .. the little creatures can also report the presence of strangers in the tunnels. Perhaps the cult members carry a particular herb that is used to identify them to the little animals/creatures in the tunnels.
- Having parts of the tunnel complex with other dangers is a good idea. A former dragon lair might be quite a secure place for some creatures to take refuge. However, remember that dragons are huge - the entrances and exits the dragon would have used and its primary chambers and passages would be very large. However, some dragons are capable of taking on a humanoid form so it is possible in this case that the dragon was killed by the earthquake while in humanoid form and living in a section of its lair comfortable for a humanoid form - maybe they had a library and associated chambers because they liked to read books (which are a bit small when in dragon form). One of the reasons no dragon has been found is because there wasn't a dragon body when the dragon was killed ... which could explain why the locket also hasn't been discovered (it is small at the moment .. however, when the key is removed from the locket, it expands to normal size and can't be placed back in the locket).
Anyway, just some suggestions :) ... build a narrative and story that the characters can interact with rather than trying to design to what the characters WILL do since that is never predictable. If you know who the NPCs are, what they are doing and why, what they have prepared ... then figuring out what happens when your players do anything they decide to do becomes much easier.
I have considered a few more ideas since I put it down this morning. Specifically, Athira is actually absorbing the life force from the sacrifices in her own body, perhaps due to some kind of artifact. She plans on killing herself and releasing the energy to revive the long dead priest. She is a fervent convert. I wouldn't be opposed to making her a bit older (25?) but keep in mind that young people are the ones who start movements and win Nobel prizes. By the time people reach my age they have settled down to something mundane. I agree that the cult itself is small, maybe a dozen people. Perhaps I implied hundreds of people, but this is indeed a small group of outcasts. Regarding the catalyst for this event, perhaps the whole thing was incited when a priest from another region learned of these details and traveled to Squall's End, converting Athira and a few other people to start the excavation. This could also provide a clue to tell the guys what is happening.
I will be honest, I don't write tons of stuff that is not germane to the adventure. So many of the background and NPC motives are intentionally left out as it just increases time and energy and no one will ever read it. I sometimes have vague ideas in the back of my mind, but unless the party somehow get ahold of a diary, takes a hostage, etc, they never see the light of day so I don't bother.
You are absolutely correct in saying that continuous purchase of slaves that disappear into the wilds would bring too much attention. Will cut.
Don't mean to be pedantic, but as an amateur astronomer a conjunction is an event when two celestial bodies are in close proximity but not touching. Such as the Great Conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter in winter 2020 when the planets were separated by less than a tenth of a degree. It was awesome because you could see the four Galiean moons and both planets as well as Titan all at once, even in binoculars. (https://www.nasa.gov/solar-system/the-great-conjunction-of-jupiter-and-saturn/) I have given my world at least three moons and have been fascinated as to what to do with the moons, their colors, are they tidal locked or not, etc. Never fleshed out those details. But an eclipse coupled with an occultation is an interesting idea. It also creates a time crunch, which is always needed to add pressure. Thanks.
Lastly, I certainly never presume what my players will do. They are extremely unpredictable and it is pointless to plan to far ahead because they may veer off into the wild blue yonder and I need to call a stop for the night to figure out what to do next or make it up as I go. I might have implied that by goal section, but that was an unintentional result.
Hmm. Overall, I like the setting and the pieces. However, the story itself doesn't seem to hold together for me.
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Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
PREMISE: What happens to a dragon’s lair, decades or centuries after the dragon’s death?
Everyone in town knows about Dragon Rock. Many people say it looks like a dragon in the long shadows of twilight. Few remember that the name actually refers to a time several generations ago when it was inhabited by a dragon! The dragon died and the horde was looted. Most people lost interest at that point but the cave still exists.
Main plot points:
-Tannan is a priest of Nerull who learned that a former chief priest, Barriq the Firekeeper, was buried in a tomb near Squall’s End. He seeks to resurrect him and travels to Squall’s End to ascertain his exact whereabouts, bringing the cursed Bloodstone ring. He needs a suitable conduit to use the ring as well.
-A gold dragon, Caraxisis, died in her lair over two hundred years ago due to a massive cave in. She protected the town when it was founded and then for the first hundred years. The treasure room of her cave was desecrated by grave robbers’ multiple times but the collapsed bedroom has not been explored, as there was no reason to. She wore a steel chain around her neck, containing a 1 sq ft locket. Inside the locket is an x-shaped key. These artifacts have stayed on her body, buried under the rubble for more than two centuries.
-Athira has decided to forge her own path, following a secret order serving Nerull, the god of death and disease. When Tannan arrived in town he recruited her and the other few acolytes and they went south to Dragon Rock. They have spent several months excavating the main room to obtain the locket and ultimately the key to Barriq’s tomb.
-The cultists also are collecting lifeforce from blood and souls using a ruby ring, the Bloodstone. Athira wears the ring and the energy is trapped inside of her. The plan is to sacrifice her when enough energy is stored, although she does not know that Tannan’s plan requires her death.
Goals:
-Escape out of the cave after falling in (primary)
-Destroy the tomb key and/or the tomb itself
-Return Athira to town as a prisoner. Deal with possible fallout from her prominent parents.
-Kill Athira and/or cultists
-Release souls with the help of a good cleric
Hooks
Life size dragon statue in town is actually a depiction of the dragon in question, Caraxisis. Weathered. Old. Townsfolk rub the right foreleg for good luck before a voyage, which is worn. Faint chain and locket carved around the neck.
It begins crying bloody tears, although some say it is just mineral deposits.
The chief priest of Tanis and his wife, the Abess, are offering a reward for information about or return of their daughter, Athira, who has been missing and/or kidnapped by bandits for a few weeks. Previously, she had been a wayward young woman. Adrianna the Bold has recently returned after being lost at sea for months. She is a beautiful woman, slightly past her prime. She wears a blue cloak with embroidered hem clasp with a silver fish at the neck. She carries a trident in one arm. Her husband is Lux. There are wanted posters all over town, 10,000 GP.
There are spooky ruins on the aptly name Haunted Hill, just outside of town on the river. A ruined tower is there and investigation will show the entrance to an elaborate tomb. The entrance contains a heavy stone door with a 12x12 inch + in the middle, a large keyhole. Also, the hill looks down river into the lava tube of nearby Dragon Rock. Smoke curls up from the opening.
Painting stall: ship being attacked by a kraken (Dangerous waters) and two dragons fighting. Inscribed on a bronze plate: Caraxisis slays Ryrvim.
Story that party might hear from clergy or sage: Many years ago a cult of Nerull had a convent on the Agnin river. More of a fortress than a church. Charles the II aka Charles the Conqueror, destroyed the convent and chained the priests to the Block, letting the sea purge the town of evil.
-Front entrance to dragon’s cave is an obvious open cavern. False floor in the first room opens to a slide. Many thrill seekers, people seeking shelter from storms and others fall down the hole. Once in the lair, the priestess and her servants capture them. This will serve as a one-way door for the PCs, preventing rest and resupply.
-A few gold dragon scales can be found here and there, revealing the identity of the previous inhabitant.
- If Athira is confronted, she will allow herself to be “rescued,” only to turn on the party at the most inopportune (or opportune, depending on your viewpoint) time in the dungeon when they “rescue” her.
-Part of the cave system is not under the control of the group, but instead filled with rust monsters, jellies, or some sort of unintelligent but deadly life. Many of these areas have been blocked up by the cult to keep out the creepie-crawly denizens which now inhabit it. These could be unblocked by the PCs and result in (unnecessary) animal battles.
-Some of the new doors are magically sealed by the cult and will only open if blood is placed on them. Can be animal, self or humanoid sacrificial blood. This keeps outsiders away.
-At least one body of a previous intrepid adventurer is found in the animal-controlled portion. He/she/they contain treasure and/or a map with information regarding the history of Dragon Rock.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
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Hello everyone. I would love advice on improving this adventure before a final draft. I will post the outline below. Regular text in <> are ideas that I need help with while italicized text in <> are DM parentheticals. Bolded words are key locations and people as well as section headers.
Many thanks!
Velstitzen
ps: Looks like I lifted the name and idea of Nerull from Greyhawk. I forgot about that.
Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
For background, these are the two gods the adventure is talking about, from my own notes.
Tanis: “Be not afraid of wind or water.” The god of trade and water, especially rivers. His priests help mollify storms, help sailors and commerce. They never get seasick and interact with aquatic animals. The priests’ use a fish as their symbol. They wear a deep blue cloak. Tanis is sometimes depicted as a tall man with a fishing net. They can use tridents, nets, bows and daggers. Chainmail armor or lighter.
Nerull: The god of death, murder and darkness is also known but not worshipped. People fear his name. It is said that when both moons are new moons, his clerics, the undead and rarely, Nerull himself, are free to roam the land. No one knows for sure what happens on those nights, but legends say they’ll steal children, adults, horses, anything living that’s wandering around the streets and bring them before Nerull to sacrifice. His red robed clerics are not allowed in town and in some places are hunted down. It is rumored that some of his clerics walk the streets in disguise. Their symbol is a sickle. He is often represented as a hooded figure carrying a sickle or a bull. “Where blood is spilled, my cup is filled.”
Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
Demon in Distress
PREMISE: What happens to a dragon’s lair, decades or centuries after the dragon’s death?
Everyone in town knows about Dragon’s Rock. Many people say it looks like a dragon in the long shadows of twilight. Few remember that the name actually refers to a time several generations ago when it was inhabited by a dragon! The dragon died and the horde was looted. Most people lost interest at that point but the cave still exists.
Hooks
Main plot points:
-A gold dragon died in her lair over two hundred years ago due to a massive cave in. She protected the town when it was founded and then for the first hundred years. The treasure room of her cave was desecrated by grave robbers’ multiple times <think the pyramids, Greek temples, etc> but the collapsed bedroom has not been explored, as there was no reason to. She wore a steel chain around her neck, containing a 1 sq ft locket. Inside the locket is an x-shaped key. These artifacts have stayed on her body, buried under the rubble for more than two centuries.
<If you think people wouldn’t forget something like this, consider that Pearl Harbor is a fading memory, less than a century>
-Athira has decided to forge her own path, starting a secret order to serve Nerull, the god of death and disease. She has spent several months working inside the old dragon’s cave. Her followers and slaves are trying to excavate the dragon’s bones from the main collapsed room to obtain the locket and ultimately the key to the tomb of a long dead chief priest of Nerull, defeated by the dragon around the time of the town’s founding.
-The cultists also are collecting blood and souls in a magical chest. This chest is storing up energy to resurrect the dead priest.
-Front entrance to dragon’s cave is an obvious open cavern. False floor in the first room opens to a slide. Many thrill seekers, people seeking shelter from storms and others fall down the hole. Once in the lair, the priestess and her servants capture them. This will serve as a one-way door for the PCs, preventing rest and resupply.
-A few gold dragon scales can be found here and there, revealing the identity of the previous inhabitant.
-Slaves from the docks are being bought in large numbers to go to the lair. The community is told that they are being “liberated.”
- If Athira is confronted, she will allow herself to be “rescued,” only to turn on the party at the most inopportune (or opportune, depending on your viewpoint) time in the dungeon when they “rescue” her. <Hence, Demon in Distress, not damsel.> She is the chief cult priestess although not the most powerful enemy NPC.
-Part of the cave system is not under the control of the group, but instead filled with rust monsters, jellies, or some sort of unintelligent but deadly life. Many of these areas have been blocked up by the cult to keep out the creepie-crawly denizens which now inhabit it. These could be unblocked by the PCs and result in (unnecessary) animal battles.
-Some of the new doors are magically sealed by the cult and will only open if blood is placed on them. Can be animal, self or humanoid sacrificial blood. This keeps outsiders away.
-At least one body of a previous intrepid adventurer is found in the animal-controlled portion. He/she/they contain treasure and/or a map with information regarding the history of Dragon Rock.
Goals:
-Escape out of the cave after falling in (primary)
-Destroy the tomb key and/or the tomb itself
-Return Athira to town as a prisoner. Deal with possible fallout from her prominent parents.
-Kill Athira and/or cultists
-Release souls with the help of a good cleric
Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
Sorry ... this got pretty long :)
Hmm. Overall, I like the setting and the pieces. However, the story itself doesn't seem to hold together for me.
- Athira - 18 years old? - now the head priestess of a cult of death worshippers trying to resurrect some long dead priest? Unfortunately, that narrative doesn't make much sense. How did the daughter of clerics in the village get involved in such a cult? How did she rise to a position of authority? It isn't impossible but without some extra plot elements, it doesn't really make much sense.
- in terms of the recent history .. how did this "cult" come into existence. How many members are there and how did these cult members manage to set up a base close to town and not be noticed? Where do they get their food? Where do they go for rest and relaxation? It sounds like a bunch of them are in some dank cave system underneath a local hill called Dragon's rock which doesn't sound pleasant.
- where did the cult get its information? It seems to be very well informed. The Dragon's hoard has been looted for 2 centuries and yet somehow the cult knows that the dragon's body has not been discovered, that the dragon has a locket around its neck with a special key opening a tomb where the priest of the death god is buried? If the dragon defeated the priest, who built the tomb and buried the body? Why did the dragon bother when it would be just as easy to incinerate the body of the priest once and for all?
- large numbers of slaves are taken to the rock, are never seen again and yet the village is told they are being "liberated" ... even villagers wouldn't believe that. Also, this implies that the cult organization is HUGE, possibly hundreds of people, not something that is easily hidden. In addition, if they are bringing large numbers (hundreds?) of slaves into the rock, it won't be through a one way cool sounding slide ... there will be a door to move people and the supplies needed to feed them in and out ... unless the cultists have a bunch of druids casting multiple goodberries every day just to feed their slaves ... but they would still need water.
------------
Basically, you have a number of cool story elements .. but you need to decide what the story is and not how you want the players to interact with it. You've kind of written everything from a party centric point of view - what does the party see, what does the party encounter, how do the NPCs interact with the party. However, I find that the story works better if you define what the NPCs goals and objectives are, how did they get there, what they plan to do next - then let the party decide what they are going to do and resolve the interaction.
For example, just based on your narrative above ...
- the party knows that something is going on at the rock. large numbers of slaves are going in but none are coming out. They could decide to explore the obvious entrance or follow a group of slaves and see how they get in (and out).
- the cultists likely need supplies - food, water, replacement tools etc - the party could watch and see where the people are entering and exiting and choose one of those entrances
There is no guarantee that the party will choose the route into the place that you have in mind.
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In terms of making your story hang together a bit better.
- the cult was never destroyed when the town was destroyed - it went underground. The head priest was destroyed by the dragon and converted to ash. The dragon sealed the entrance to the temple since it was sanctified to Nerull and they could not destroy it. However, before it was sealed, a surviving member of the cult managed to slip inside with a specially engraved urn containing the ashes of the dead priest. That member was sealed inside and died there, they secreted the urn somewhere in the temple, the exact location is not known to the surviving cult members.
- A special new moon conjunction is coming up in a few months, not only are both moons shaded but one moon is directly behind the other thus doubly shading it. This type of conjunction only occurs once every 500 years or so but it is a time of special power for Nerull. The cult has been biding its time waiting for this conjunction so that they can attempt to resurrect their leader, the "Blessed of Nerull".
- The cult is aware that the tomb was sealed by the dragon and because they have records, they also know that the key to unlock the tomb has not been found. They are also aware that dragon bones have never been found in dragon rock. There was an earthquake about 20 years after the cult was "defeated" and although the dragon wasn't frequently seen before that event, they were never seen afterward. However, the cult doesn't know whether the dragon was in its lair when the earthquake struck (records indicate that the earthquake was strong enough to destroy most buildings and even change the route of the river around the village).
- With the conjunction coming, the cult is now searching for the key. It has been searching quietly for the last couple of centuries but some cultists have been more diligent than others. However, the current leader of the church of Nerull in the village is the Abess. The cult has made sure to constantly insinuate itself into the church in town to prevent any interference in their efforts over the centuries. Her husband is a true believer in Tanis. They are both clerics but the Abess' power comes from darker sources - but she can cure wounds as well as any other cleric and is quite happy to do so to maintain her disguise and deception. Her daughter Athira has been brought up in the cult. She is being groomed to take her mother's place as has happened several times in the last 200 years. With the conjunction approaching, the Abess has sent her daughter to take personal control of the search for the key. Her absence was initially explained to her husband as a trip to another local village. However, the abbot heard from a traveller that his daughter never arrived and he fears she has been taken by bandits. The Abbot has issued a reward for the return of his daughter and is very sincere in his worry for her return. The Abess won't talk to any adventurers, feigning worry and being distraught. However, she doesn't want any perceptive or insightful adventurers to notice that she might not be as worried as she seems so she lets the Abbot do the talking.
- I'd probably reduce the "slaves" to a dozen or so hired labourers brought in from out of town. The cult itself might consist of a couple of dozen people (most of whom are town folk or who live nearby - their periodic absences assisting in the search could be something the characters notice if they investigate) .. probably additional cult members were brought in from out of town to supplement the numbers if you need them. Have a couple of spellcasters with the mold earth cantrip since it makes excavation much easier. Passwall, stoneshape, are also good spells - perhaps have a set of Nolzur's Marvellous Pigments or two since they are great for clearing rock or digging tunnels (these would be partially used if the character's recover them and they are a really fun magic item).
- The dragon rock would probably have half a dozen entrances. However, the cult might have set up deadfall traps or similar to prevent an intruder from exiting (this might be a better choice than a one way slide since characters might well be able to go back up the slide anyway - spider climb spell, fly, hammering in pitons .. stand on the one you hammer in to hammer in another - there are LOTS of ways that a slide (or shaft) would not prevent a party from exiting.
- if the cult is capable of enchanting magical doors sealed by blood then they are a lot more powerful than one might expect. It is a really cool idea but I think it would fit better inside the buried temple of Nerull in the second half of the adventure where items created by the full power of the cult might be expected. I'd probably go with barricaded wooden doors. I would also make the cave system beneath the rock a maze of passages. Perhaps a druid cult member has tasked the rats and other small creatures with removing any signs of passage that creatures might leave behind. This obscures the tracks of any cult members within a few minutes of them going by but it also removes any traces of route markings the party leaves to avoid getting lost - including their own tracks. :) .. the little creatures can also report the presence of strangers in the tunnels. Perhaps the cult members carry a particular herb that is used to identify them to the little animals/creatures in the tunnels.
- Having parts of the tunnel complex with other dangers is a good idea. A former dragon lair might be quite a secure place for some creatures to take refuge. However, remember that dragons are huge - the entrances and exits the dragon would have used and its primary chambers and passages would be very large. However, some dragons are capable of taking on a humanoid form so it is possible in this case that the dragon was killed by the earthquake while in humanoid form and living in a section of its lair comfortable for a humanoid form - maybe they had a library and associated chambers because they liked to read books (which are a bit small when in dragon form). One of the reasons no dragon has been found is because there wasn't a dragon body when the dragon was killed ... which could explain why the locket also hasn't been discovered (it is small at the moment .. however, when the key is removed from the locket, it expands to normal size and can't be placed back in the locket).
Anyway, just some suggestions :) ... build a narrative and story that the characters can interact with rather than trying to design to what the characters WILL do since that is never predictable. If you know who the NPCs are, what they are doing and why, what they have prepared ... then figuring out what happens when your players do anything they decide to do becomes much easier.
Thanks for the comments.
I have considered a few more ideas since I put it down this morning. Specifically, Athira is actually absorbing the life force from the sacrifices in her own body, perhaps due to some kind of artifact. She plans on killing herself and releasing the energy to revive the long dead priest. She is a fervent convert. I wouldn't be opposed to making her a bit older (25?) but keep in mind that young people are the ones who start movements and win Nobel prizes. By the time people reach my age they have settled down to something mundane. I agree that the cult itself is small, maybe a dozen people. Perhaps I implied hundreds of people, but this is indeed a small group of outcasts. Regarding the catalyst for this event, perhaps the whole thing was incited when a priest from another region learned of these details and traveled to Squall's End, converting Athira and a few other people to start the excavation. This could also provide a clue to tell the guys what is happening.
I will be honest, I don't write tons of stuff that is not germane to the adventure. So many of the background and NPC motives are intentionally left out as it just increases time and energy and no one will ever read it. I sometimes have vague ideas in the back of my mind, but unless the party somehow get ahold of a diary, takes a hostage, etc, they never see the light of day so I don't bother.
You are absolutely correct in saying that continuous purchase of slaves that disappear into the wilds would bring too much attention. Will cut.
Don't mean to be pedantic, but as an amateur astronomer a conjunction is an event when two celestial bodies are in close proximity but not touching. Such as the Great Conjunction of Saturn and Jupiter in winter 2020 when the planets were separated by less than a tenth of a degree. It was awesome because you could see the four Galiean moons and both planets as well as Titan all at once, even in binoculars. (https://www.nasa.gov/solar-system/the-great-conjunction-of-jupiter-and-saturn/) I have given my world at least three moons and have been fascinated as to what to do with the moons, their colors, are they tidal locked or not, etc. Never fleshed out those details. But an eclipse coupled with an occultation is an interesting idea. It also creates a time crunch, which is always needed to add pressure. Thanks.
Lastly, I certainly never presume what my players will do. They are extremely unpredictable and it is pointless to plan to far ahead because they may veer off into the wild blue yonder and I need to call a stop for the night to figure out what to do next or make it up as I go. I might have implied that by goal section, but that was an unintentional result.
Again, many thanks for your comments.
Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
If anyone wants it, this is the more or less final draft of the notes.
Still up for comments. We play on 1/31
Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.
Demon in Distress
PREMISE: What happens to a dragon’s lair, decades or centuries after the dragon’s death?
Everyone in town knows about Dragon Rock. Many people say it looks like a dragon in the long shadows of twilight. Few remember that the name actually refers to a time several generations ago when it was inhabited by a dragon! The dragon died and the horde was looted. Most people lost interest at that point but the cave still exists.
Main plot points:
-Tannan is a priest of Nerull who learned that a former chief priest, Barriq the Firekeeper, was buried in a tomb near Squall’s End. He seeks to resurrect him and travels to Squall’s End to ascertain his exact whereabouts, bringing the cursed Bloodstone ring. He needs a suitable conduit to use the ring as well.
-A gold dragon, Caraxisis, died in her lair over two hundred years ago due to a massive cave in. She protected the town when it was founded and then for the first hundred years. The treasure room of her cave was desecrated by grave robbers’ multiple times but the collapsed bedroom has not been explored, as there was no reason to. She wore a steel chain around her neck, containing a 1 sq ft locket. Inside the locket is an x-shaped key. These artifacts have stayed on her body, buried under the rubble for more than two centuries.
-Athira has decided to forge her own path, following a secret order serving Nerull, the god of death and disease. When Tannan arrived in town he recruited her and the other few acolytes and they went south to Dragon Rock. They have spent several months excavating the main room to obtain the locket and ultimately the key to Barriq’s tomb.
-The cultists also are collecting lifeforce from blood and souls using a ruby ring, the Bloodstone. Athira wears the ring and the energy is trapped inside of her. The plan is to sacrifice her when enough energy is stored, although she does not know that Tannan’s plan requires her death.
Goals:
-Escape out of the cave after falling in (primary)
-Destroy the tomb key and/or the tomb itself
-Return Athira to town as a prisoner. Deal with possible fallout from her prominent parents.
-Kill Athira and/or cultists
-Release souls with the help of a good cleric
Hooks
It begins crying bloody tears, although some say it is just mineral deposits.
-Front entrance to dragon’s cave is an obvious open cavern. False floor in the first room opens to a slide. Many thrill seekers, people seeking shelter from storms and others fall down the hole. Once in the lair, the priestess and her servants capture them. This will serve as a one-way door for the PCs, preventing rest and resupply.
-A few gold dragon scales can be found here and there, revealing the identity of the previous inhabitant.
- If Athira is confronted, she will allow herself to be “rescued,” only to turn on the party at the most inopportune (or opportune, depending on your viewpoint) time in the dungeon when they “rescue” her.
-Part of the cave system is not under the control of the group, but instead filled with rust monsters, jellies, or some sort of unintelligent but deadly life. Many of these areas have been blocked up by the cult to keep out the creepie-crawly denizens which now inhabit it. These could be unblocked by the PCs and result in (unnecessary) animal battles.
-Some of the new doors are magically sealed by the cult and will only open if blood is placed on them. Can be animal, self or humanoid sacrificial blood. This keeps outsiders away.
-At least one body of a previous intrepid adventurer is found in the animal-controlled portion. He/she/they contain treasure and/or a map with information regarding the history of Dragon Rock.
Velstitzen
I am a 40 something year old physician who DMs for a group of 40 something year old doctors. We play a hybrid game, mostly based on 2nd edition rules with some homebrew and 5E components.