One of the rules of firing someone, is that it should not be a surprise. If it is not a surprise how can it be harsh? The point of the example language used "no longer part of...", "my decision is final" was not to sound oppressive and mean but to be concise. Which, I think, is essential.
Again, look up how to fire someone, or if you prefer, how to let someone go and I think you will see we are all talking about same things, and that is: kicking a player is highly circumstantial, and there are a variety of approaches depending on those circumstances.
please do not put words in my mouth with "You are no longer a part of this group due to your blank behavior after being warned x times. My decision is final"
hmm... I there is need for clarification here:
Gigaflop suggested saying: "You are no longer a part of this group due to your blank behavior after being warned x times. My decision is final"
Then I said: "I've not seen the harsh measures suggested here"
Then you said: 'There are no "harsh measures suggested here".'
I then quoted Gigflop (I was under the impression that you had read his post, since you responded to it). I was not trying to put words in your mouth.
"if you suddenly decide to stop dating someone, do you - personally - just never call again?" seems like a strawman that I had not suggested. Check out the cases I outlined. Dating someone implies an on-going engagement and/or friendship... both of which I addressed as requiring communication. Even ending a campaign (which happens often) implies the cessation is communicated.
I'm just trying to clarify our discussion. I'm genuinely not trying to argue (I said earlier you had good points and I'm always game for friendly discussions). Am I off-base in my quotes here?
No, you're not off base - I didn't trace the quote back to the correct source, and I inadvertently put words in your mouth. Sorry, that's my error.
I recognize that the cases of ongoing relationship, and "pick up game" are totally different - and clearly, so do you.
I just think that the majority of tables - including, from the sound of it, the OP's ( who is the one we're really supposed to be trying to advise ) - exist in a case of "ongoing relationships".
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If there is no expectation of on-going involvement, it's not ghosting.
If it was an ongoing invite, but there is no friendship, an email should suffice.
If there is a friendship, a gentle face-to-face discussion is warranted: i.e. you shouldn't say "I'm kicking you out of the group" to a friend. It should probably be more like "It's been fun, but I don't think I''ll be able to run the game in a way that we'd both enjoy. You probably already figured that out yourself. Would you be ok with bowing out? I could bow out myself... but the style preferences of the other players seem more like mine". Give them a chance to get some buy-in on the cessation.
If you can't do this (or tried it and they don't have buy-in, and you don't want to make it a 'thing' because you still want to remain friends): waiting for the campaign to wrap is an option. Campaigns end all the time. New groups form all the time. Neither is a breach of etiquette.
One of the rules of firing someone, is that it should not be a surprise. If it is not a surprise how can it be harsh? The point of the example language used "no longer part of...", "my decision is final" was not to sound oppressive and mean but to be concise. Which, I think, is essential.
Again, look up how to fire someone, or if you prefer, how to let someone go and I think you will see we are all talking about same things, and that is: kicking a player is highly circumstantial, and there are a variety of approaches depending on those circumstances.
Jesus Saves!... Everyone else takes damage.
hmm... I there is need for clarification here:
"if you suddenly decide to stop dating someone, do you - personally - just never call again?" seems like a strawman that I had not suggested. Check out the cases I outlined. Dating someone implies an on-going engagement and/or friendship... both of which I addressed as requiring communication. Even ending a campaign (which happens often) implies the cessation is communicated.
I'm just trying to clarify our discussion. I'm genuinely not trying to argue (I said earlier you had good points and I'm always game for friendly discussions). Am I off-base in my quotes here?
No, you're not off base - I didn't trace the quote back to the correct source, and I inadvertently put words in your mouth. Sorry, that's my error.
I recognize that the cases of ongoing relationship, and "pick up game" are totally different - and clearly, so do you.
I just think that the majority of tables - including, from the sound of it, the OP's ( who is the one we're really supposed to be trying to advise ) - exist in a case of "ongoing relationships".
My DM Philosophy, as summed up by other people: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rN5w4-azTq3Kbn0Yvk9nfqQhwQ1R5by1/view
Disclaimer: This signature is a badge of membership in the Forum Loudmouth Club. We are all friends. We are not attacking each other. We are engaging in spirited, friendly debate with one another. We may get snarky, but these are not attacks. Thank you for not reporting us.
Exactly: no one is suggesting "ghosting".