ok so i am starting a campaign we have a total of 5 players 2 experienced 3 new. I'm trying to write the opening and could really use some advice. i want to hook them in with the narrative. ive played D&D maybe a handful of times before this and this will be my first time ever as a DM. I am by no means a Matthew Mercer honestly if it wasn't for getting into critical roll i probably never even consider being a DM it always looked so hard. but i love the way he tells it and hooks the players. i want to get close to that. even a spark a win for me. anyway here it is. i call the campaign The Northern Road. it takes place of the north western front on the edge of the spine of the world. the campaign is based on finding and creating a trade route from the far west northern edge of the ocean across the spine of the world into the grassy highlands of the roaming tribes of the highlands down into the steamy jungles down the river to the cities of wealth and magic of the far east to the southern ocean to the "gates of the world" the main trading hub of the world for all things of trade and goods. think of this as blazing a new Silk Road across the northern part of the world. anyway here is what i wrote down so far. let me know what i can do to make it better.
You awaken to the sound of the the pitter patter of water dripping overhead every drop echos louder as the pool of water grows above. probably on some bulkhead already too waterlogged to soak anything else. the dull cracks and thuds of ice breaking free from the rigging rains onto the top deck, the mast creaking and timbers of the ship moaning under the weight of ice, the freezing cold air filling your lungs burns like embers as you sit up from your hammock the damp logged quarters chills you to the bone. You've been on this old leaky frigate for nearly a year and these over crowded rooms your home the stench and musky orders linger though you've learned to tolerate them it still is something you can never get use to. So many started on this journey with you so many coming and going as you sailed in to ports up the coast and yet so many more never reached their destinations. your mind snaps back to the present as you can hear the hands on deck hustling about overhead, cursing and shouting at one another. But they seem in unusual high spirits? it takes only but a minute to realize the ship isn't rocking anymore and the faint sounds of seabirds can be heard. ITS LAND AT LAST!
at this point let the players move about gather their things and head to the top deck they can explore and talk to any of the hand on the lower decks Note: they can and will forget their things unless they collect them, the ship leaves at night at high tide. the hands can not give much information about the location due to this was the first time headed this far north across the sea. most are still upset of the amount of lives lost due to the time at sea. they have never dealt with ice and the freeze at this magnitude. they can find trinkets and treasures of other passengers both living and dead if they search the lower deck where the bodies were kept before burial at sea. :use minor treasures and loot graph for this: they can also trade with the deck hands though they have only the basics most pawned all their belongings for booze along the way.
once characters are on the top deck: the blinding light as you emerge from the lower deck to the top deck is like a million lanterns you have been below for so long you feel as though you've all but forgotten what the sunlight is like. as you take in your surroundings you take a deep breath of fresh air at last. far better than that ships haul. the deck is lively so many people and beasts coming and going, and cages being loaded and unloaded sound almost like deafening thunder clapping over the racket of the chaos. deck hands preparing the ship and cleaning behind the travelers and beasts leaving the ship down the loading ramps. as your eyes follow the slow moving caravan off the docks into the town you can see mid way an almost blockade with armed guards and a man standing on a platform shouting and pointing though small in stature his presence commands respect his over sized belly bouncing as he shouts, it be almost comical in his attempts to have order if it wasn't for the armed men with him forcing everyone into a single file line. a deck hand speaks up from behind you his voice horse and raspy but oddly chipper for a grizzled seaman "That there must be the new taxman of Brâgha Rast", he sighs as he pulls his old sack onto his shoulder, "everyone pays to get in one way or another best keep on that ol'fools good side or them brutes of his will make quick work of ya so no getting rowdy, yeah hear! he leans in and gives a wink his toothless grin emerging from hehind his frosty white beard "so best behavior at least until ya get to one of the pubs anyway,. he turns to follow the slow moving hoard to dry land laughing to himself as if he told the greatest joke of all time.
The setting and start sounds cool. However, I would have considered your first "player-action". You set the scene where the PC's has just arrived at a location, then your first action is all about gathering their things, and being able to "loot" the ship. That sounds unintuitive to me. This scene should be about the fascinating new place, not "remembering" to bring their stash or suddenly decide to go looking for "loot" on the ship.
I would have considered to rather allow the players BEFORE you start play to get some goods they might have a hope of selling with profit in this place. And then focus your first session on the discovery of the new place. That's what you presents as new and "interesting" to the players. The ship is presented as a place they want to leave as soon as possible, but it seems very harsh to say to them, yes you waited months to get to this place, but you did forget to bring your stash.
Some nice farewells good be nice though, allow them to trade a little with some of the mates, and maybe some of them even will give them some small trinkets (because they feel sorry for the players).
Another point you probably could/should stress is when the ship leaves. That is certainly a "point of no return". That is cool, try to pass that feeling to the players. No they are here, the next ship might not come for years. They are now on their own!
Thank you so much, you made some really good points. And i welcome the critiquing, i really want to make this game good for my first DM. Trying to think how to expand but still make them want to get off as soon as possible, i guess gathering there things should be second nature you made a good point so i guess cut that out.
OK, so they’ve sailed from where? To Bragha Rast? Which is in the Northwest of the continent, but a well known city. And since they’re making a Lewis and Clark style journey from NW to NE to establish a shortcut trade route, they’ve been on this boat a long time. But why have they been on the frigate for nearly a year? Also, wait, I just realized they must have sailed around the continent’s north, and that’s why the ship was glazed in ice and they’re going south enough that the ice is melting now.
There’s a lot of descriptive language in the intro text, but one thing I’ve learned through seeing it done before is that writing for an adventure and writing for a book require two different mindsets. Books, you can save important information to be revealed after you get to know the characters and such. Adventure intros need a concrete set of information so your players know how to interact with their environment, and all the sensory description can actually crowd out that info until their mind wanders and you have to repeat all the relevant info when you’re done with your text.
So fix the details that I’ve misinterpreted from your posts so far, but as I understand it, I might rewrite the Adventure intro as:
You stand ready depart the ship in the blinding daylight. You can see all the usual port activity; livestock being driven up loading ramps, street vendors, tearful goodbyes being said as sailors ready to board for their journeys. Behind you on the top deck, you can hear drips and splats as ice that had coated the rigging is now melting and sliding free. It’s been a long time on this frigate, with its constant stops at ports along the coast. Of course, you also know that the real work you were assigned just begins when you leave this ship. When the king sent you to the coast, it was to establish an overland trade route across the north. Bragha Rast is where you turn inland. When you and your companions are ready, you’ll be taking barges up river where possible, blazing trails where needed, and establishing relations with native populations to ensure the safety of all the cargo that wealthy merchants at both ends of the continent want to be able to send through places currently inaccessible. One sight that stands out as unusual on the docks is a blockade of armed guards that has formed near your gangplank, with a small but imposing man standing on a box shouting orders to everyone coming off the ship. Carl, a weathered old seaman who bore the rigors of the icy journey like a man half his age, strides up beside you and says “That there must be the new tax man of Bragha Rast. They get you coming and going here. Best to keep on the old fool’s good side, though; they train their brutes well. So, best behavior! At least till you get to the taverns!” He gives a wink and a toothless grin through his white beard and descends the gangplank chuckling to himself, amused by his own joke.
ok so i am starting a campaign we have a total of 5 players 2 experienced 3 new. I'm trying to write the opening and could really use some advice. i want to hook them in with the narrative. ive played D&D maybe a handful of times before this and this will be my first time ever as a DM. I am by no means a Matthew Mercer honestly if it wasn't for getting into critical roll i probably never even consider being a DM it always looked so hard. but i love the way he tells it and hooks the players. i want to get close to that. even a spark a win for me. anyway here it is. i call the campaign The Northern Road. it takes place of the north western front on the edge of the spine of the world. the campaign is based on finding and creating a trade route from the far west northern edge of the ocean across the spine of the world into the grassy highlands of the roaming tribes of the highlands down into the steamy jungles down the river to the cities of wealth and magic of the far east to the southern ocean to the "gates of the world" the main trading hub of the world for all things of trade and goods. think of this as blazing a new Silk Road across the northern part of the world. anyway here is what i wrote down so far. let me know what i can do to make it better.
You awaken to the sound of the the pitter patter of water dripping overhead every drop echos louder as the pool of water grows above. probably on some bulkhead already too waterlogged to soak anything else. the dull cracks and thuds of ice breaking free from the rigging rains onto the top deck, the mast creaking and timbers of the ship moaning under the weight of ice, the freezing cold air filling your lungs burns like embers as you sit up from your hammock the damp logged quarters chills you to the bone. You've been on this old leaky frigate for nearly a year and these over crowded rooms your home the stench and musky orders linger though you've learned to tolerate them it still is something you can never get use to. So many started on this journey with you so many coming and going as you sailed in to ports up the coast and yet so many more never reached their destinations. your mind snaps back to the present as you can hear the hands on deck hustling about overhead, cursing and shouting at one another. But they seem in unusual high spirits? it takes only but a minute to realize the ship isn't rocking anymore and the faint sounds of
seabirds can be heard. ITS LAND AT LAST!
at this point let the players move about gather their things and head to the top deck they can explore and talk to any of the hand on the lower decks Note: they can
and will forget their things unless they collect them, the ship leaves at night at high tide. the hands can not give much information about the location due to this
was the first time headed this far north across the sea. most are still upset of the amount of lives lost due to the time at sea. they have never dealt with ice and
the freeze at this magnitude. they can find trinkets and treasures of other passengers both living and dead if they search the lower deck where the bodies were kept
before burial at sea. :use minor treasures and loot graph for this: they can also trade with the deck hands though they have only the basics most pawned all their belongings
for booze along the way.
once characters are on the top deck:
the blinding light as you emerge from the lower deck to the top deck is like a million lanterns you have been below for so long you feel as though you've all but forgotten what
the sunlight is like. as you take in your surroundings you take a deep breath of fresh air at last. far better than that ships haul. the deck is lively so many people and beasts coming and going, and cages being loaded and unloaded sound almost like deafening thunder clapping over the racket of the chaos. deck hands preparing the ship and cleaning behind the travelers and beasts leaving the ship down the loading ramps. as your eyes follow the slow moving caravan off the docks into the town you can see mid way an almost blockade with armed guards and a man standing on a platform shouting and pointing though small in stature his presence commands respect his over sized belly bouncing as he shouts, it be almost comical in his attempts to have order if it wasn't for the armed men with him forcing everyone into a single file line. a deck hand speaks up from behind you his voice horse and raspy but oddly chipper for a grizzled seaman "That there must be the new taxman of Brâgha Rast", he sighs as he pulls his old sack onto his shoulder, "everyone pays to get in one way or another best keep on that ol'fools good side or them brutes of his will make quick work of ya so no getting rowdy, yeah hear! he leans in and gives a wink his toothless grin emerging from hehind his frosty white beard "so best behavior at least until ya get to one of the pubs anyway,. he turns to follow the slow moving hoard to dry land laughing to himself as if he told the greatest joke of all time.
Hi.
The setting and start sounds cool. However, I would have considered your first "player-action". You set the scene where the PC's has just arrived at a location, then your first action is all about gathering their things, and being able to "loot" the ship. That sounds unintuitive to me. This scene should be about the fascinating new place, not "remembering" to bring their stash or suddenly decide to go looking for "loot" on the ship.
I would have considered to rather allow the players BEFORE you start play to get some goods they might have a hope of selling with profit in this place. And then focus your first session on the discovery of the new place. That's what you presents as new and "interesting" to the players. The ship is presented as a place they want to leave as soon as possible, but it seems very harsh to say to them, yes you waited months to get to this place, but you did forget to bring your stash.
Some nice farewells good be nice though, allow them to trade a little with some of the mates, and maybe some of them even will give them some small trinkets (because they feel sorry for the players).
Another point you probably could/should stress is when the ship leaves. That is certainly a "point of no return". That is cool, try to pass that feeling to the players. No they are here, the next ship might not come for years. They are now on their own!
That was my thoughts/ideas. Best of luck :-)
Ludo ergo sum!
Thank you so much, you made some really good points. And i welcome the critiquing, i really want to make this game good for my first DM. Trying to think how to expand but still make them want to get off as soon as possible, i guess gathering there things should be second nature you made a good point so i guess cut that out.
OK, so they’ve sailed from where? To Bragha Rast? Which is in the Northwest of the continent, but a well known city. And since they’re making a Lewis and Clark style journey from NW to NE to establish a shortcut trade route, they’ve been on this boat a long time. But why have they been on the frigate for nearly a year? Also, wait, I just realized they must have sailed around the continent’s north, and that’s why the ship was glazed in ice and they’re going south enough that the ice is melting now.
There’s a lot of descriptive language in the intro text, but one thing I’ve learned through seeing it done before is that writing for an adventure and writing for a book require two different mindsets. Books, you can save important information to be revealed after you get to know the characters and such. Adventure intros need a concrete set of information so your players know how to interact with their environment, and all the sensory description can actually crowd out that info until their mind wanders and you have to repeat all the relevant info when you’re done with your text.
So fix the details that I’ve misinterpreted from your posts so far, but as I understand it, I might rewrite the Adventure intro as:
You stand ready depart the ship in the blinding daylight. You can see all the usual port activity; livestock being driven up loading ramps, street vendors, tearful goodbyes being said as sailors ready to board for their journeys. Behind you on the top deck, you can hear drips and splats as ice that had coated the rigging is now melting and sliding free. It’s been a long time on this frigate, with its constant stops at ports along the coast. Of course, you also know that the real work you were assigned just begins when you leave this ship. When the king sent you to the coast, it was to establish an overland trade route across the north. Bragha Rast is where you turn inland. When you and your companions are ready, you’ll be taking barges up river where possible, blazing trails where needed, and establishing relations with native populations to ensure the safety of all the cargo that wealthy merchants at both ends of the continent want to be able to send through places currently inaccessible.
One sight that stands out as unusual on the docks is a blockade of armed guards that has formed near your gangplank, with a small but imposing man standing on a box shouting orders to everyone coming off the ship. Carl, a weathered old seaman who bore the rigors of the icy journey like a man half his age, strides up beside you and says “That there must be the new tax man of Bragha Rast. They get you coming and going here. Best to keep on the old fool’s good side, though; they train their brutes well. So, best behavior! At least till you get to the taverns!” He gives a wink and a toothless grin through his white beard and descends the gangplank chuckling to himself, amused by his own joke.