After my recent epic fails to write a character backstory that you can find here, I have attempted to rework it into something less horrendous. It will be good to get your opinions on this newer version. I have split it into two sections. The basic concept is just for me and the DM, and the actual backstory revealed in-game.
------------------------------------ The Basic Concept. ------------------------------------
This basic concept is primarily for me and the DM. It is thoughts about my character and how I want to play them that are not meant to be an actual part of the backstory or revealed outright in-game. Although I would give it the Dungeon Master.
The characters name is Audhild. She is twenty-six years old and goes by the name Hilda most of the time. She also has a seven-year-old daughter called Raven, who she has left in the care of her adopted family.
Audhild is a lawful good character who will start her journey as a Light Domain Cleric. From a meta standpoint, she follows in the footsteps of her father, a man she greatly admires and of whom she is attempting to be a carbon copy.
It is an essential point that she is trying to imitate her father because, in the beginning, she is very unsure of herself and constantly worries about whether or not what she is doing is the right thing and whether her father would approve. One of the big things she does is look towards her father's stories and the teachings of both her father and the other clerics. Believing that following their instructions to the letter and copying what she believes her father would do in certain situations will make her a good person. This might work most of the time, but when she is placed in a position that she has no reference for, she panics. Not knowing what to do. In such circumstances, she does things that might seem out of character because she has no stories or instructions or scriptures to tell her what is right and wrong in that situation. Like a child, she gets confused, panics and flays about, desperate to do something, but not sure what she should do, ultimately acting upon pure instinct or just following along with everybody else. Audhild is desperate to be a good person but doesn't really understand the concept of goodness and how it applies to the open world. So she will follow the letter of the law without deviation, stand up for honour and kindness on principle and deride anything and everyone that does not meet her preconceived, childish notions of good as evil.
The character is very charismatic and naturally intelligent but not very wise and lacks a diverse education. Audhild is an adult who has only had two examples of life. The first from the people who raised her, and the second from her adopted family after she escaped the cult she grew up in. As a result, she is very selfish and childish in her goodness, seeing the world as purely black and white.
Audhild does not like talking about her past and gets rather upset and irritable when asked about it. Instead, she talks about the time she has spent with her adopted family and how great her father and brother are. Even though she has a child, she never talks about her, as she is trying to keep her hidden from the cult that they escaped from after Raven was born.
Although she does write Raven letters, she would get very defensive if asked about them and angry, possibly aggressive if pressed too much. She will also draw pictures to send to her daughter depicting the things she has seen, although her drawing is terrible. Her terrible drawing bothers her, although she enjoys drawing and wants to be better and is always on the lookout for art supplies or educational books that might make her a better artist.
She puts all her heart and soul into her drawings, genuinely trying, if failing badly, to make them as realistic as possible.
In fact, her art is one way to bond with party members, as she tries to persuade the party to pose for her so she can practice during downtime, as well as asking them what they think of her latest attempts. It's probably worth stating that although she genuinely wants to become a better artist, people who criticise her art too much would probably upset and annoy her.
On occasion, Audhild displays an in-depth knowledge about demons and cult practices and insight into the thoughts, minds and machinations of evil creatures that do not seem to fit with the rest of her persona. Often being able to understand why evil people do the things they do, in a way one would not expect from her character. Even this understanding is twisted by her and used to prove how she is not evil and how she is better than those she believes actually are. Which, as discussed above, might not necessarily be the case. They could be good people who simply occupy a grey area that Audhild can not understand because she lacks life experience that ordinary people would have. Although her knowledge and insights are typically real enough.
It is a selfish contraction in her character that I have not been fully able to resolve as of yet.
------------------------------------ The Backstory. ------------------------------------
Audhild does not have much backstory that she is willing to talk about. As a result, her in-game backstory is pretty minimal.
Born to a high noble family in Waterdeep, she was raised by a demon-worshipping cult from six years old. She escaped when she was nineteen with her daughter Raven, who was still a baby at the time.
(She does not reveal that information straight away.)
After escaping from the cult, she sought shelter in a temple dedicated to Bahamut. The high cleric promised to give her a place to stay as long as she told him her story in return. Starving and desperate to get out of the cold, she told him what he wanted to know. She was too exhausted and hungry to think up any lies, and so she decided just to tell the truth. Once she started to tell her story, however, she found herself unable to stop and ended up pouring out her heart and soul to a complete stranger. Unbeknownst to her at the time, that was the best decision she could have made. Through her story, the high cleric saw the good in her and gave her sanctuary. Allowing her to remain within the temple, and later adopted her.
She has a brother who is older than her.
Her father, Sigurd Eriksen, is an old adventurer who became a cleric late in life and is now the high cleric of one of the few remaining temples dedicated to Bahamut. Her brother is called Einarr and is the commander of the temples knights. She also made friends with many clerics who reside at the temple beside her father and always enjoyed listening to them chant.
Although she was adopted into her family, she loves them with all her heart, believing that they saved her. She would do anything for them, as they are the only people she has ever thought of as family. In her love for them, she is often greedy and jealous.
At the age of twenty-one, Audhild took her first vows and became a novice cleric. She was assigned the duties of study and helping the scholars who occasionally came to peruse the temple's library find the resources they were looking for. One subject that she enjoyed and which she was particularly good at was chanting, and she would pester the senior clerics to let her sing the chant with them. She also enjoyed working in the library with the scholars, as in her early life, she had enjoyed books, although she was rarely allowed to have them.
The years that Audhild spent in the temple were some of the happiest years of her life. She was extremely sad when she was forced to leave after the past she thought herself free of finally caught up with her.
After she was forced to leave her temple home, she decided to imitate her father and become an adventurer. She journeyed alone at first, travelling around, singing the chants that she had learned during her life in the temple, and trying to help people whenever she could. By this point, however, she had become accustomed to having a family and found travelling alone rather lonely. Furthermore, although she enjoyed helping people, it wasn't the same as when she used to support the scholars in the library. Many of the people she tried to help didn't give a bye or leave, whether or not she succeeded in her efforts. So she started looking for people to share the journey with. Eventually joining a party of adventurers who became like a surrogate family to her, people she considers friends and whom she genuinely cares for.
What do you guys think? Is this an improvement over my previous attempts, and do you have any thoughts on improving it further? Editing to say that I still feel that it is too long, and I would appreciate your thoughts on which bits I could remove, to shorten it further.
Fairly in depth vs what I think a lot of people would come up with.
Few questions though you say childish a few times in a few different ways the first
"Like a child, she gets confused, panics and flays about, desperate to do something, but not sure what she should do, ultimately acting upon pure instinct or just following along with everybody else"
First she's 26, with a child and having escaped a cult, I'm not really sure why she would be childish at all, damaged maybe but childish seems.. off to me. I also don't see why she'd be indecisive/panicy/confused in situations shouldn't her impulse be to do exactly what she thinks her adoptive father would do? I'd think she'd be more impulsive with quick snap decisions that may not always be right but more "Well Father would do X so I'll do X" the decision has already been made for her in a way, until she learns more about being her own person
another is "So she will follow the letter of the law without deviation, stand up for honour and kindness on principle and deride anything and everyone that does not meet her preconceived, childish notions of good as evil."
This is a bit tougher, I'm guessing like if she sees someone being mean shes going to berate them about how they should be kind or something until she opens her eyes more I guess? I guess my hang up is that your not describing.. 17 year old Jimmy who joined the order at 6 and just got out into the world ready to do some good n bop some goblins on the head, You have a character with a lot of baggage, she has SEEN evil, she has SEEN good, but is coming across as a very idealistic person that's just setting foot in the world without knowing the types of people out there.
I might kinda change that, think about what it would of been like, I could still see her yelling at someone to be kinder because she's seen what those types can do, or wants law because she feels like it's what holds things like cults at bay, I wouldn't put it to her being childish/eyes unopened
just my 2 cents and again, it's a ton of background, think most my characters clock in at around a single paragraph or less :)
Fairly in depth vs what I think a lot of people would come up with.
Few questions though you say childish a few times in a few different ways the first
"Like a child, she gets confused, panics and flays about, desperate to do something, but not sure what she should do, ultimately acting upon pure instinct or just following along with everybody else"
First she's 26, with a child and having escaped a cult, I'm not really sure why she would be childish at all, damaged maybe but childish seems.. off to me. I also don't see why she'd be indecisive/panicy/confused in situations shouldn't her impulse be to do exactly what she thinks her adoptive father would do? I'd think she'd be more impulsive with quick snap decisions that may not always be right but more "Well Father would do X so I'll do X" the decision has already been made for her in a way, until she learns more about being her own person
another is "So she will follow the letter of the law without deviation, stand up for honour and kindness on principle and deride anything and everyone that does not meet her preconceived, childish notions of good as evil."
This is a bit tougher, I'm guessing like if she sees someone being mean shes going to berate them about how they should be kind or something until she opens her eyes more I guess? I guess my hang up is that your not describing.. 17 year old Jimmy who joined the order at 6 and just got out into the world ready to do some good n bop some goblins on the head, You have a character with a lot of baggage, she has SEEN evil, she has SEEN good, but is coming across as a very idealistic person that's just setting foot in the world without knowing the types of people out there.
I might kinda change that, think about what it would of been like, I could still see her yelling at someone to be kinder because she's seen what those types can do, or wants law because she feels like it's what holds things like cults at bay, I wouldn't put it to her being childish/eyes unopened
just my 2 cents and again, it's a ton of background, think most my characters clock in at around a single paragraph or less :)
I reasoned that she so desperately wants to be a good person, be somebody who would make her family proud of her, and not be everything she was being turned into before she escaped. So desperate to be good that when she feels like she doesn't immediately know the answer or the answer doesn't fit into her preconceptions of what goodness should be, she panics.
She is like a child who doesn't understand the world and how it works in many respects.
Yes, she has seen true evil; she has also seen the purest, lightest goodness. However, that is all she knows. She knows what true evil is, and she knows that good is supposed to be the antithesis of the vile things done to her while she was part of the cult. Furthermore, her only example of goodness comes from someone who could reasonably be described as a saint. The character has no idea how good and evil work in the real world; all she has is her preconceived notions, based upon her examples, and is not able to comprehend how anyone can be good and not be like her father, or be evil and not be like the cultists.
She gets angry and upset when things don't fit her view of the world because she is insecure in herself and her thoughts and is still looking to others to validate her life as a "good" person. She needs that validation because it makes her feel good, it makes her feel secure, it reassures her that what she is doing is the "good" thing. She needs it so badly that she chases after it, craves it, greedily, selfishly grabs for it and in this, she is also like a child. She is seeking reward for her good deeds.
Essentially, her emotional and psychological growth was stunted by her experiences, and as a result, her level of maturity has suffered. You say that she's not like a 17-year-old, but that is how I see her initially. She is very immature, very emotional, and psychologically scarred by her experiences, to the point where she has not progressed much beyond adolescence.
She needs to grow up a lot before she can truly become the person she so desperately wants to be.
I am not sure that I am explaining myself properly, but I hope you get the gist of what I am trying to get.
Well, you've gotten rid of the creepy sexual stuff which is good but this is still full of cringe, edgelordness, clichés and contradictions. For example, the way you describe her following the letter of the law while not knowing what good or evil is makes her lawful neutral, not lawful good. On the other hand, you then tell us that she knows what good and evil is. And why wouldn't she? She's live with a cleric for the past seven years of her life and managing to become a cleric. Presumably she has gotten some information and divine guidance from her deity? Haven't her friends taught her anything?
Then of course we have the issue pointed out by Winterdale81 with you making the character some kind of helpless victim who, despite managing to escape an evil cult, joining hoky orders, becoming a cleric and having a daughter still "gets confused, panics and flays about". This is just cringey af. It's also a bit creepy that you want a grown, adult person to behave like a traumatized child. What's the reasoning behind that?
I don't know, from a GM perspective there is very little to work with. There's nothing really there besides a bunch of trite clichés. I'm also probably wouldn't allow you to just make up a super-powerful secret cult who manages to keep the daughter of a "high noble family in Waterdeep" hidden for 13 years. Why didn't anyone look for her? Why did they even take her in the first place? It feels that you just want to victimize her and I can't see a reason how this would serve the plot or be even remotely interesting for the rest of the players. It feels like an effort to just grab attention which isn't fair to the other players.
But I still think it is too involved... there are too many "moving parts," as it were.
For example -- you mention a brother. What's the point of this? He appears nowhere else in the story, so why is he there?
Also, the daughter... she really just left her own daughter behind to go off adventuring and just writes her letters? That sounds pretty cold. It's one thing if she needs to do this to earn money to support the child but clearly this is not the case.
Why does she need to be from a noble family if she's been raised by a cult and adopted? This is an unnecessary complication, vs. having her just be a commoner.
Why would someone raised for 13 years by an evil, demon-worshipping cult, now be Lawful Good? Why would a 6 year old have been able to resist the cult's influence? Most kids groomed like this would adopt the cult's ways, unless there is a good reason why not.
Why do you need the cult and the daughter at all? If you won't RP with/about her (refuse to talk about her, get defense, just write her letters) why put her into this at all?
IMO, you could simplify this by just having your character be the actual daughter of a former-adventuring high priest, and wants to follow in his footsteps. She could have a little sister who she sends her artwork back to, rather than an older brother, and want to go on adventures to be like dad. Being a LG cleric of Bahamut will give you plenty of reasons to fight evil or chaos, which presumably many adventures will be about (smiting evil). You even say that the essential point of this character is her drive to live up to her father's example. Why do you need all the rest of it with the demons and the semi-abandoned child and the cult and all the rest of it?
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WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Once again, thanks for your comments. It's good to get people who will tell me what I was doing is wrong or that I need to make things better or point out the flaws in my writing and ideas. I have tried getting my family and friends to do this, but they honestly tell me the truth. Instead, they skirt around certain things while saying things like "but it's awesome," or "that sounds good, I like it."
I understand why they do this, but it doesn't help write better backstories, backgrounds or whatever I am writing at the time.
Having people who are, for all intents and purposes, strangers, be upfront and say, it's terrible, you need to change this or that, or you couldn't go there, and then point out why is extremely helpful.
I tried to keep parts of what I had written previously and incorporate them into a new story. They made sense to me because I knew where I was initially coming from with the character, and so they did not seem out of place. I have also started to read a book called, The Ultimate RPG Character Backstory Guide (amazon link), which I highly recommend for everyone, especially new players creating their first character backstory. It gives you starting points and helps you cut down on all the cruft.
When applying the exercises in the book and its companion book for playing characters, along with your opinions, assistance and constructive criticisms, I see that trying to use any part of what I had written previously wouldn't work.
I'm also probably wouldn't allow you to just make up a super-powerful secret cult who manages to keep the daughter of a "high noble family in Waterdeep" hidden for 13 years.
I also feel like the above line from Lostwhilefishing, might be the default stance in that regards, which is another reason to drop that entirely. In general, I just wanted to say thanks for putting up with my nonsense and reading my posts and that your replies do help me improve.
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A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
For backgrounds, in a roleplaying game, unless it is a solo RPG like Ironsworn or you are writing a script for a movie, it's best to use KISS (Keep it Simple, Stupid). Note, I'm not calling anyone here stupid including the OP, it's just what the acronym means. The KISS principle is to try to keep things as simple and uncomplicated as possible.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Well, guys, I have just wholly rewritten practically everything about this character's backstory. I have also changed their gender to male, as I feel more able to act in character from a male perspective.
Instead of Audhild, the character is now called Alaric, and I have just given him the last name Erikson, which is the name of his adopted father. I have also getting rid of the cult completely, and it now no longer features in the backstory at all. Furthermore, after taking the suggestion offered by BioWizard, I have turned the daughter into a little sister and made her the biological child of the family who adopted him. All the stuff about being from a noble family is also gone, and everything about the father being some saint with dragon powers no longer exists either.
Lastly, I have taken out all the stuff about the character being an artist and sending drawings back home. I will still keep the idea of him sending letters home to his family, but I have not bothered including that in the backstory because it takes up space, instead choosing the route of "show don't tell".
Here is what I have, now that I have essentially written an entirely different story.
Some points are:
Alaric is trying to prove to his father that he is right and his father is wrong about the nature of their faith.
He has a little sister seven years younger than him.
Before he was adopted, he was poor and living on the streets. He used to sleep in a temple dedicated to Bahamut. He would sneak in during the night with other children, who all wanted to get out of the cold.
Alaric's father is now retired from life as a cleric, although he still performs some duties for the temple. He is pretty old now, so the tasks he performs are somewhat light, although the other clerics highly respect him.
The New Story:
Alaric overslept one day and was caught sleeping in the temple by his now father. An older man who was at the time a cleric. The cleric took pity on him and, instead of throwing him out on his ear, gave Alaric some food and some warm clothes before sending him on his way. Alaric was impressed by this, having never known anyone to be so kind before, so he started to hang around the temple more often. Not only at night but also during the day. He would always bug the cleric, whom he quickly learned was called Sigurd, and Sigurd would always feed Alaric.
Alaric had been hanging around the temple for several weeks, pestering Sigurd and constantly eating when Sigard said that Alaric would have to wash everyone's robes to pay his bill. Although he was joking, Alaric took what he said to heart, and although too young to wash clothes, he did bother all the other clerics for chores to do until they gave him something to do, mainly to keep him out of their way. Besides, the tasks did need doing, and Alaric was eating their food and using their floorspace at night. Everybody thought he was so young that he would get bored and give up, but he didn't. Alaric not only kept coming back, but as he got older, he started to do more and more domestic work within the temple and was also living there on a semi-permanent basis. He had also developed a close friendship with Sigurd and kept friendly terms with the other clerics.
Sigurd had also become attached to Alaric, and so when Alaric was thirteen, he offered to adopt him into his family, to which Alaric agreed. Sigurd then found lodgings for Alaric. The accommodations were cheap but comfortable and meant that Alaric would no longer have to sleep on the temple floor or the streets while the town's magistrate was processing the application for Alaric to adopt the boy.
The town clerk made every effort to locate Alaric's parents or other close family members, but after several months had passed and none had come forth, the search came to an end. On the recommendation of his clerk and the excellent character of Sigurd, the magistrate approved his adoption application. Sigurd moved Alaric out of his temporary lodgings and into his home, where, at the age of thirteen, Alaric found not only a father but a mother, a sister and a family.
Alaric continued to attend and work within the temple, taking on ever greater responsibility as he got older, until finally, he became an acolyte at the age of eighteen. Beginning his studies in earnest, although it was at this time that Alaric's ideas about his faith also began to change. Sigurd believed in spreading love, kindness, and compassion through words; Alaric started to think that words were meaningless without action and will to back them up. The pair argued back and forth about the correct interpretation of their faith for years, with Alaric lending more weight to his arguments as he gained more knowledge and his father bringing all the years of his experience to bear in his.
Eventually, after yet another blazing argument, Alaric left the temple and his home at the age of twenty-six and took to the road. Swearing as he did so, that he would seek out the evils that his father had failed to defeat with words alone and bring them to heal with sword and spear. Thus proving once and for all that he was right and that his arguments were just.
As you can see, the whole thing is different. Even the characters motivation for adventuring has changed, and I have changed them from Light Domain to War Domain. It is still long, however. It doesn't seem to matter what I do; I don't seem to cut it down to just one or two paragraphs.
But there we go. Hopefully, this new story is better.
For backgrounds, in a roleplaying game, unless it is a solo RPG like Ironsworn or you are writing a script for a movie, it's best to use KISS (Keep it Simple, Stupid). Note, I'm not calling anyone here stupid including the OP, it's just what the acronym means. The KISS principle is to try to keep things as simple and uncomplicated as possible.
Agreed. See if you can get the essence down to 1-3 sentences. A few examples of my characters:
A changeling who was raised as a human in the Empire, preparing his whole life to become a paladin of Moradin. When he discovered his shape shifting abilities, he had a crisis, turned to religion, and discovered a forgotten goddess whose ideals he aligned with. Realizing he had to escape this current situation, he decides to join an adventuring party. (This is in Wildemount, so not making up lore myself.)
A goblin who discovered a love for music and ran off from her goblin clan to become a bard.
A grandmother who decides it’s not too late for adventure, and sets off in her 70s to go slay some monsters. She is quite a mother bear, literally: she will cast wildshape and wreak havoc on anyone trying to harm her companions.
Once you’ve got the essence, the personality should come to you, and honestly, that’s something you can develop when you start playing.
Well, guys, I have just wholly rewritten practically everything about this character's backstory. I have also changed their gender to male, as I feel more able to act in character from a male perspective.
Instead of Audhild, the character is now called Alaric, and I have just given him the last name Erikson, which is the name of his adopted father. I have also getting rid of the cult completely, and it now no longer features in the backstory at all. Furthermore, after taking the suggestion offered by BioWizard, I have turned the daughter into a little sister and made her the biological child of the family who adopted him. All the stuff about being from a noble family is also gone, and everything about the father being some saint with dragon powers no longer exists either.
Lastly, I have taken out all the stuff about the character being an artist and sending drawings back home. I will still keep the idea of him sending letters home to his family, but I have not bothered including that in the backstory because it takes up space, instead choosing the route of "show don't tell".
Here is what I have, now that I have essentially written an entirely different story.
Some points are:
Alaric is trying to prove to his father that he is right and his father is wrong about the nature of their faith.
He has a little sister seven years younger than him.
Before he was adopted, he was poor and living on the streets. He used to sleep in a temple dedicated to Bahamut. He would sneak in during the night with other children, who all wanted to get out of the cold.
Alaric's father is now retired from life as a cleric, although he still performs some duties for the temple. He is pretty old now, so the tasks he performs are somewhat light, although the other clerics highly respect him.
The New Story:
Alaric overslept one day and was caught sleeping in the temple by his now father. An older man who was at the time a cleric. The cleric took pity on him and, instead of throwing him out on his ear, gave Alaric some food and some warm clothes before sending him on his way. Alaric was impressed by this, having never known anyone to be so kind before, so he started to hang around the temple more often. Not only at night but also during the day. He would always bug the cleric, whom he quickly learned was called Sigurd, and Sigurd would always feed Alaric.
Alaric had been hanging around the temple for several weeks, pestering Sigurd and constantly eating when Sigard said that Alaric would have to wash everyone's robes to pay his bill. Although he was joking, Alaric took what he said to heart, and although too young to wash clothes, he did bother all the other clerics for chores to do until they gave him something to do, mainly to keep him out of their way. Besides, the tasks did need doing, and Alaric was eating their food and using their floorspace at night. Everybody thought he was so young that he would get bored and give up, but he didn't. Alaric not only kept coming back, but as he got older, he started to do more and more domestic work within the temple and was also living there on a semi-permanent basis. He had also developed a close friendship with Sigurd and kept friendly terms with the other clerics.
Sigurd had also become attached to Alaric, and so when Alaric was thirteen, he offered to adopt him into his family, to which Alaric agreed. Sigurd then found lodgings for Alaric. The accommodations were cheap but comfortable and meant that Alaric would no longer have to sleep on the temple floor or the streets while the town's magistrate was processing the application for Alaric to adopt the boy.
The town clerk made every effort to locate Alaric's parents or other close family members, but after several months had passed and none had come forth, the search came to an end. On the recommendation of his clerk and the excellent character of Sigurd, the magistrate approved his adoption application. Sigurd moved Alaric out of his temporary lodgings and into his home, where, at the age of thirteen, Alaric found not only a father but a mother, a sister and a family.
Alaric continued to attend and work within the temple, taking on ever greater responsibility as he got older, until finally, he became an acolyte at the age of eighteen. Beginning his studies in earnest, although it was at this time that Alaric's ideas about his faith also began to change. Sigurd believed in spreading love, kindness, and compassion through words; Alaric started to think that words were meaningless without action and will to back them up. The pair argued back and forth about the correct interpretation of their faith for years, with Alaric lending more weight to his arguments as he gained more knowledge and his father bringing all the years of his experience to bear in his.
Eventually, after yet another blazing argument, Alaric left the temple and his home at the age of twenty-six and took to the road. Swearing as he did so, that he would seek out the evils that his father had failed to defeat with words alone and bring them to heal with sword and spear. Thus proving once and for all that he was right and that his arguments were just.
As you can see, the whole thing is different. Even the characters motivation for adventuring has changed, and I have changed them from Light Domain to War Domain. It is still long, however. It doesn't seem to matter what I do; I don't seem to cut it down to just one or two paragraphs.
But there we go. Hopefully, this new story is better.
XD
Oops, didnt’ see this new comment till now. I think this one is much better- not so bloated, and leaves room for adventure. It really is something you could shrink down into three sentences like in my earlier reply:
Alaric was a child living on the streets when he met Sigurd, a cleric at a temple he was fond of taking temporary refuge in. He began to do work around the temple as his relationship with Sigurd developed, and was eventually adopted by him. He became an acolyte of the temple, but (unlike his father) believed that faith was best spread through action, so he left to venture into the world.
Obviously that’s quite rough, but that’s the basic idea, y’know. There isn’t much about his sister, but I’m assuming you’re leaving that as a loose thread for the DM if they ever wanted to pick it up? Overall though, it’s much better.
I consider 3 sentences or less a brainstormed idea rather than a backstory.
The backstory should explain your personality traits, mannerisms, flaws, drives, and relationships (important figures) through important life events.
And cliches are perfectly fine. I didn't know everyone in this thread was a best selling author. /sarcasm
It's most important that you play what you want to play, and what YOU find interesting. The most important hook you should first come up with is "why the need for the life of an adventurer?" You'll most likely meet your party in a new town (unless you get an idea from the DM where you could start out there)
I for one, liked your first post in this thread apart from some plot holes that seem important.
1. The noble Waterdeep family needs to be fleshed out. Their motives for shipping you off to the cult should be known to your DM if not known to you. (Finding out why can be a character motivation as well. And since you were 6, you'd have some memories) I'd only say that if you're reaching for a lawfully good or neutral good character, the cult doesn't need to be "evil" as not all cults are. (Remember to try and justify traits and even alignment).
2. Who was the baby daddy? That detail is crucial and would be extremely important and could flesh out more traits for ya. Along with motivations as to why you left in the first place.
3. Leaving your daughter needs better justification. Since you're a Cleric, maybe it could be a long and dangerous pilgrimage you're heading out on. Maybe the temple is going under financially because of dwindling popularity, and you're the only young and capable one to do anything about it.
I don't think your ideas are cringe at all.
Second one seems fine and simpler. (I like the first one more because of the extra detail. I also just have a feeling that that's what you really wanna play as)
And again, JUST DO YOU. Just make sure your character is a team player that is a contributor to the party rather than a hindrance. After that, you're golden.
This new backstory seems a lot better. Like IrelliaRavenshot mentions, this is something you can sum up in a few sentences, which is good for the GM and as to not lock you up too much if you feel you'd like to change something later on.
If you or your GM or the other players wants to flesh it out you can easily do it in-game which opens up for some cool roleplaying. Or you can work it out with your GM if they feel like they want to build a plot or adventure around it.
Rereading my reply, I can see how I came off as a bit rude. The three sentence backstory idea is just so the DM and other players can get a brief sense of your character without having to wade through a long story. Personally, as a DM, I prefer backstories like your second one. It’s clean but provides solid motivations, leaves openings for developing characters in play, and some loose ends for the DM to take if they wish. Of course, I am not all DMs, nor am I all players. You can take my advice, or leave it. :)
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Hi, guys,
After my recent epic fails to write a character backstory that you can find here, I have attempted to rework it into something less horrendous. It will be good to get your opinions on this newer version. I have split it into two sections. The basic concept is just for me and the DM, and the actual backstory revealed in-game.
What do you guys think? Is this an improvement over my previous attempts, and do you have any thoughts on improving it further? Editing to say that I still feel that it is too long, and I would appreciate your thoughts on which bits I could remove, to shorten it further.
Thanks, guys.
XD
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
Fairly in depth vs what I think a lot of people would come up with.
Few questions though you say childish a few times in a few different ways the first
"Like a child, she gets confused, panics and flays about, desperate to do something, but not sure what she should do, ultimately acting upon pure instinct or just following along with everybody else"
First she's 26, with a child and having escaped a cult, I'm not really sure why she would be childish at all, damaged maybe but childish seems.. off to me. I also don't see why she'd be indecisive/panicy/confused in situations shouldn't her impulse be to do exactly what she thinks her adoptive father would do? I'd think she'd be more impulsive with quick snap decisions that may not always be right but more "Well Father would do X so I'll do X" the decision has already been made for her in a way, until she learns more about being her own person
another is "So she will follow the letter of the law without deviation, stand up for honour and kindness on principle and deride anything and everyone that does not meet her preconceived, childish notions of good as evil."
This is a bit tougher, I'm guessing like if she sees someone being mean shes going to berate them about how they should be kind or something until she opens her eyes more I guess? I guess my hang up is that your not describing.. 17 year old Jimmy who joined the order at 6 and just got out into the world ready to do some good n bop some goblins on the head, You have a character with a lot of baggage, she has SEEN evil, she has SEEN good, but is coming across as a very idealistic person that's just setting foot in the world without knowing the types of people out there.
I might kinda change that, think about what it would of been like, I could still see her yelling at someone to be kinder because she's seen what those types can do, or wants law because she feels like it's what holds things like cults at bay, I wouldn't put it to her being childish/eyes unopened
just my 2 cents and again, it's a ton of background, think most my characters clock in at around a single paragraph or less :)
I reasoned that she so desperately wants to be a good person, be somebody who would make her family proud of her, and not be everything she was being turned into before she escaped. So desperate to be good that when she feels like she doesn't immediately know the answer or the answer doesn't fit into her preconceptions of what goodness should be, she panics.
She is like a child who doesn't understand the world and how it works in many respects.
Yes, she has seen true evil; she has also seen the purest, lightest goodness. However, that is all she knows. She knows what true evil is, and she knows that good is supposed to be the antithesis of the vile things done to her while she was part of the cult. Furthermore, her only example of goodness comes from someone who could reasonably be described as a saint. The character has no idea how good and evil work in the real world; all she has is her preconceived notions, based upon her examples, and is not able to comprehend how anyone can be good and not be like her father, or be evil and not be like the cultists.
She gets angry and upset when things don't fit her view of the world because she is insecure in herself and her thoughts and is still looking to others to validate her life as a "good" person. She needs that validation because it makes her feel good, it makes her feel secure, it reassures her that what she is doing is the "good" thing. She needs it so badly that she chases after it, craves it, greedily, selfishly grabs for it and in this, she is also like a child. She is seeking reward for her good deeds.
Essentially, her emotional and psychological growth was stunted by her experiences, and as a result, her level of maturity has suffered. You say that she's not like a 17-year-old, but that is how I see her initially. She is very immature, very emotional, and psychologically scarred by her experiences, to the point where she has not progressed much beyond adolescence.
She needs to grow up a lot before she can truly become the person she so desperately wants to be.
I am not sure that I am explaining myself properly, but I hope you get the gist of what I am trying to get.
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
Well, you've gotten rid of the creepy sexual stuff which is good but this is still full of cringe, edgelordness, clichés and contradictions. For example, the way you describe her following the letter of the law while not knowing what good or evil is makes her lawful neutral, not lawful good. On the other hand, you then tell us that she knows what good and evil is. And why wouldn't she? She's live with a cleric for the past seven years of her life and managing to become a cleric. Presumably she has gotten some information and divine guidance from her deity? Haven't her friends taught her anything?
Then of course we have the issue pointed out by Winterdale81 with you making the character some kind of helpless victim who, despite managing to escape an evil cult, joining hoky orders, becoming a cleric and having a daughter still "gets confused, panics and flays about". This is just cringey af. It's also a bit creepy that you want a grown, adult person to behave like a traumatized child. What's the reasoning behind that?
I don't know, from a GM perspective there is very little to work with. There's nothing really there besides a bunch of trite clichés. I'm also probably wouldn't allow you to just make up a super-powerful secret cult who manages to keep the daughter of a "high noble family in Waterdeep" hidden for 13 years. Why didn't anyone look for her? Why did they even take her in the first place? It feels that you just want to victimize her and I can't see a reason how this would serve the plot or be even remotely interesting for the rest of the players. It feels like an effort to just grab attention which isn't fair to the other players.
It's better than the last attempt.
But I still think it is too involved... there are too many "moving parts," as it were.
For example -- you mention a brother. What's the point of this? He appears nowhere else in the story, so why is he there?
Also, the daughter... she really just left her own daughter behind to go off adventuring and just writes her letters? That sounds pretty cold. It's one thing if she needs to do this to earn money to support the child but clearly this is not the case.
Why does she need to be from a noble family if she's been raised by a cult and adopted? This is an unnecessary complication, vs. having her just be a commoner.
Why would someone raised for 13 years by an evil, demon-worshipping cult, now be Lawful Good? Why would a 6 year old have been able to resist the cult's influence? Most kids groomed like this would adopt the cult's ways, unless there is a good reason why not.
Why do you need the cult and the daughter at all? If you won't RP with/about her (refuse to talk about her, get defense, just write her letters) why put her into this at all?
IMO, you could simplify this by just having your character be the actual daughter of a former-adventuring high priest, and wants to follow in his footsteps. She could have a little sister who she sends her artwork back to, rather than an older brother, and want to go on adventures to be like dad. Being a LG cleric of Bahamut will give you plenty of reasons to fight evil or chaos, which presumably many adventures will be about (smiting evil). You even say that the essential point of this character is her drive to live up to her father's example. Why do you need all the rest of it with the demons and the semi-abandoned child and the cult and all the rest of it?
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Once again, thanks for your comments. It's good to get people who will tell me what I was doing is wrong or that I need to make things better or point out the flaws in my writing and ideas. I have tried getting my family and friends to do this, but they honestly tell me the truth. Instead, they skirt around certain things while saying things like "but it's awesome," or "that sounds good, I like it."
I understand why they do this, but it doesn't help write better backstories, backgrounds or whatever I am writing at the time.
Having people who are, for all intents and purposes, strangers, be upfront and say, it's terrible, you need to change this or that, or you couldn't go there, and then point out why is extremely helpful.
I tried to keep parts of what I had written previously and incorporate them into a new story. They made sense to me because I knew where I was initially coming from with the character, and so they did not seem out of place. I have also started to read a book called, The Ultimate RPG Character Backstory Guide (amazon link), which I highly recommend for everyone, especially new players creating their first character backstory. It gives you starting points and helps you cut down on all the cruft.
When applying the exercises in the book and its companion book for playing characters, along with your opinions, assistance and constructive criticisms, I see that trying to use any part of what I had written previously wouldn't work.
I also feel like the above line from Lostwhilefishing, might be the default stance in that regards, which is another reason to drop that entirely. In general, I just wanted to say thanks for putting up with my nonsense and reading my posts and that your replies do help me improve.
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
For backgrounds, in a roleplaying game, unless it is a solo RPG like Ironsworn or you are writing a script for a movie, it's best to use KISS (Keep it Simple, Stupid). Note, I'm not calling anyone here stupid including the OP, it's just what the acronym means. The KISS principle is to try to keep things as simple and uncomplicated as possible.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Well, guys, I have just wholly rewritten practically everything about this character's backstory. I have also changed their gender to male, as I feel more able to act in character from a male perspective.
Instead of Audhild, the character is now called Alaric, and I have just given him the last name Erikson, which is the name of his adopted father. I have also getting rid of the cult completely, and it now no longer features in the backstory at all. Furthermore, after taking the suggestion offered by BioWizard, I have turned the daughter into a little sister and made her the biological child of the family who adopted him. All the stuff about being from a noble family is also gone, and everything about the father being some saint with dragon powers no longer exists either.
Lastly, I have taken out all the stuff about the character being an artist and sending drawings back home. I will still keep the idea of him sending letters home to his family, but I have not bothered including that in the backstory because it takes up space, instead choosing the route of "show don't tell".
Here is what I have, now that I have essentially written an entirely different story.
Some points are:
As you can see, the whole thing is different. Even the characters motivation for adventuring has changed, and I have changed them from Light Domain to War Domain. It is still long, however. It doesn't seem to matter what I do; I don't seem to cut it down to just one or two paragraphs.
But there we go. Hopefully, this new story is better.
XD
A caffeinated nerd who has played TTRPGs or a number of years and is very much a fantasy adventure geek.
Agreed. See if you can get the essence down to 1-3 sentences. A few examples of my characters:
A changeling who was raised as a human in the Empire, preparing his whole life to become a paladin of Moradin. When he discovered his shape shifting abilities, he had a crisis, turned to religion, and discovered a forgotten goddess whose ideals he aligned with. Realizing he had to escape this current situation, he decides to join an adventuring party. (This is in Wildemount, so not making up lore myself.)
A goblin who discovered a love for music and ran off from her goblin clan to become a bard.
A grandmother who decides it’s not too late for adventure, and sets off in her 70s to go slay some monsters. She is quite a mother bear, literally: she will cast wildshape and wreak havoc on anyone trying to harm her companions.
Once you’ve got the essence, the personality should come to you, and honestly, that’s something you can develop when you start playing.
Oops, didnt’ see this new comment till now. I think this one is much better- not so bloated, and leaves room for adventure. It really is something you could shrink down into three sentences like in my earlier reply:
Alaric was a child living on the streets when he met Sigurd, a cleric at a temple he was fond of taking temporary refuge in. He began to do work around the temple as his relationship with Sigurd developed, and was eventually adopted by him. He became an acolyte of the temple, but (unlike his father) believed that faith was best spread through action, so he left to venture into the world.
Obviously that’s quite rough, but that’s the basic idea, y’know. There isn’t much about his sister, but I’m assuming you’re leaving that as a loose thread for the DM if they ever wanted to pick it up? Overall though, it’s much better.
I consider 3 sentences or less a brainstormed idea rather than a backstory.
The backstory should explain your personality traits, mannerisms, flaws, drives, and relationships (important figures) through important life events.
And cliches are perfectly fine. I didn't know everyone in this thread was a best selling author. /sarcasm
It's most important that you play what you want to play, and what YOU find interesting. The most important hook you should first come up with is "why the need for the life of an adventurer?" You'll most likely meet your party in a new town (unless you get an idea from the DM where you could start out there)
I for one, liked your first post in this thread apart from some plot holes that seem important.
1. The noble Waterdeep family needs to be fleshed out. Their motives for shipping you off to the cult should be known to your DM if not known to you. (Finding out why can be a character motivation as well. And since you were 6, you'd have some memories) I'd only say that if you're reaching for a lawfully good or neutral good character, the cult doesn't need to be "evil" as not all cults are. (Remember to try and justify traits and even alignment).
2. Who was the baby daddy? That detail is crucial and would be extremely important and could flesh out more traits for ya. Along with motivations as to why you left in the first place.
3. Leaving your daughter needs better justification. Since you're a Cleric, maybe it could be a long and dangerous pilgrimage you're heading out on. Maybe the temple is going under financially because of dwindling popularity, and you're the only young and capable one to do anything about it.
I don't think your ideas are cringe at all.
Second one seems fine and simpler. (I like the first one more because of the extra detail. I also just have a feeling that that's what you really wanna play as)
And again, JUST DO YOU. Just make sure your character is a team player that is a contributor to the party rather than a hindrance. After that, you're golden.
This new backstory seems a lot better. Like IrelliaRavenshot mentions, this is something you can sum up in a few sentences, which is good for the GM and as to not lock you up too much if you feel you'd like to change something later on.
If you or your GM or the other players wants to flesh it out you can easily do it in-game which opens up for some cool roleplaying. Or you can work it out with your GM if they feel like they want to build a plot or adventure around it.
OP asked for opinions and criticism and seems to have welcomed it. No need to be sarcastic or passive-aggressive.
[REDACTED]
Rereading my reply, I can see how I came off as a bit rude. The three sentence backstory idea is just so the DM and other players can get a brief sense of your character without having to wade through a long story. Personally, as a DM, I prefer backstories like your second one. It’s clean but provides solid motivations, leaves openings for developing characters in play, and some loose ends for the DM to take if they wish. Of course, I am not all DMs, nor am I all players. You can take my advice, or leave it. :)