My current group is almost finished with Tomb of Annihilation and we decided that our next campaign would be Curse of Strahd. Knowing that our next campaign would be a Dark Fantasy, rather then a High Fantasy, I decided that the character I ran there should seem like they've lived in a dark fantasy world all their life, so I created 2 possible characters who both have been through hell prior to getting their invitation. One of these characters is a druid who suffers from depression due to the fact that in real life, I have had my depressed moments, and in the game world, they were a homeless orphan who never knew their parents and lived on the streets with their older brother, until he died. But I firmly placed them in the Neutral Good alignment, and they keep finding ways to keep going. But I fear that if this were the character I'd play as (I'm choosing what character I use based on the ratio of magic users and physical fighters), their depression could ruin the game. I don't want to lie to my fellow players in that I gave this character depression as a way to show that I've had my fair share of depressed moments, especially in this time of Covid, but I still want the game to be thrilling and scary. Any advice?

Well, you know yourself and your gaming strengths.

Me... I am not sure I would want to take something I struggle with in real life and give it to my character, at least not something major. My character is a fantasy -- I'd rather have it be something fun that I can't be in real life, rather than some uncomfortable part of my own life. Also there is always the danger when making a character too much like yourself, that the reaction of the PCs to the character will feel like it is a reaction of the other players to you.

As a simple and extreme example, let's say you play this character and you do a really good job of RPing the depression symptoms. Let's suppose one of the other players plays a PC who is impatient and lacks empathy with others. After a while this impatient/non-empathetic character, being RPed reasonably by his player, starts making comments about your character -- "snap out of it already will you?" "Stop being such a downer to the party." "Oh another whine session from druid girl. Poor me... where is the tiny mandolin playing just for her?" The character starts insulting your character for acting depressed.

Well that could feel a lot like his player is insulting you, since the symptoms your character exhibits may be very similar to those you exhibit in real life. It's going to be hard to separate these into how a PC reacts to your character, and how other people react to you.

You're probably much better off playing someone totally different - the cheerful rogue who never sees anything but the silver lining in every cloud, and then if people start saying she's insufferable in her cheeriness and unrealistic in her approach to life, you know they are talking only about your character, and not you.

Read through this thread.  While I believe it started with the intention to discuss neurodiversity, most D&D players or at least participants in the thread turned it into a catch all of neurological, psychiatric, cognitive and other clinically distinct factors that would affect a characters affect and interiority, though I'd say a productive discussion.

Also if you have time watch this from D&D Celebration, I don't have time to find it at the moment but may get around to it, but there's a point where they discuss the pros and cons and best considerations for bringing real world player mental health experiences into the game (the bottom line is while there are some benefits to using the game space to explore the concepts and experiences, unless the DM's a clinician there needs to be care and sensitivity).  

My take is first driven by the principle of don't overdo the backstory.  That is, the game is about the story ahead and shouldn't be overly predicated/dominated by complications brought on from one character's back story.  Create the game going forward, coming into the game with a prior fiction is a called a "conceit".  If a background aspect makes the drive of the game actually played more interesting or interestingly challenging go for it.  But if you're already thinking of the character's depression as a potential game ruiner yourself (and it's good that you're thinking about how your character concept will affect the rest of the group) yet you want to play a character with depression as a main factor to their identity, it's time to think about how to adapt the factor to facilitate, not hamper the game.  

I guess a productive response beyond those above notes from me would be to ask, how do you see the character as a potential game ruiner?  

Again, I'm picking the character based on the ratio of magic users and physicals. In our current run, we have only one magic user, so we've been told to pick our classes more carefully next time. And this druid is more then just depressed. Their also resourceful, clever, know when to fight, have compassion for animals and children, and will always be there to help a friend. And since I intend this Druid to be part of the Moon Circle, has no qualm with mauling enemies to shred.

If I there's at least 2 other characters who have magic users, I'm going with the other character, but if there's two phsyicals, I'm taking the Druid. I myself actually DON'T have depression, i just feel my emotions very strongly, and thus when I get sad, it hits hard. So, technically this IS roleplaying.

Quote from MidnightPlat >>

 

Read through this thread.  While I believe it started with the intention to discuss neurodiversity, most D&D players or at least participants in the thread turned it into a catch all of neurological, psychiatric, cognitive and other clinically distinct factors that would affect a characters affect and interiority, though I'd say a productive discussion.

Also if you have time watch this from D&D Celebration, I don't have time to find it at the moment but may get around to it, but there's a point where they discuss the pros and cons and best considerations for bringing real world player mental health experiences into the game (the bottom line is while there are some benefits to using the game space to explore the concepts and experiences, unless the DM's a clinician there needs to be care and sensitivity).  

My take is first driven by the principle of don't overdo the backstory.  That is, the game is about the story ahead and shouldn't be overly predicated/dominated by complications brought on from one character's back story.  Create the game going forward, coming into the game with a prior fiction is a called a "conceit".  If a background aspect makes the drive of the game actually played more interesting or interestingly challenging go for it.  But if you're already thinking of the character's depression as a potential game ruiner yourself (and it's good that you're thinking about how your character concept will affect the rest of the group) yet you want to play a character with depression as a main factor to their identity, it's time to think about how to adapt the factor to facilitate, not hamper the game.  

I guess a productive response beyond those above notes from me would be to ask, how do you see the character as a potential game ruiner?  

 Backstory is only for effecting me, not the game, and I only reveal my backstories if my fellow players ask for it. When this character sets out, their mind is focused on what they could expect to find in a Vampires castle.

I wouldn't add mental/emotional characteristics to my characters. I might add traumatic events to their backstory but not long-lasting effects. That's because when you play, you play your characters in the now. If you want to play as brave, do so. If you want to play as shy do that. It isn't something that needs to be added to the sheet. Just play how you want to.

That way, you're not tied to playing a certain way because it says so on paper. 

Quote from DruidofMN >>

 Backstory is only for effecting me, not the game, and I only reveal my backstories if my fellow players ask for it. When this character sets out, their mind is focused on what they could expect to find in a Vampires castle.

So I'm still not clear what you're asking, moreso after your clarifications.  Going back to how I closed my comment, I'm not sure what you mean by your character being a "game ruiner" because of something you're considering for their backstory.  

I think you should talk to your DM and your fellow players about your concerns and your reasoning.  Get their thoughts and input before you make any final decisions.  There is nothing wrong with having an OOC conversation with them and it will not "spoil" you backstory. 

It can be very hard playing a character who shares your real-life struggles, but it can also be therapeutic. A lot depends on the composition of your game group. There are things you can do while playing with  close friends that would not be advisable with casual acquaintances.  Again, I think the best way to learn if they are open to and supportive of your idea is to talk to them frankly about it.

I’ll approach this from another angle, I guess. What are you hoping to get out of this? How do you expect to make this interesting or engaging? If you can formulate an answer to that, I think you might have an idea of how to incorporate this into a character without ruining the experience for others.

Without judging you or anything like that, some potential character aspects are just a bad fit for collaborative games, and particularly for some of the groups playing these collaborative games. I’ve had plenty of players pitch lone wolf type character concepts to me, for instance - they tend to be perceived as cool, maybe a little mysterious, it’s an often-used idea for protagonists in books and movies. But for a game played in a group, it’s really not the best idea to play a character that fundamentally doesn’t want to be in one. That doesn’t mean I dismissed those characters, but I asked those players to think about how they could translate that concept so it did something good for the group dynamic as well. If there’s something about the character that makes the others want to engage with it, they are likely to latch on to that. From the background snippet you provided, you could for instance play up a separation anxiety aspect - expecting to be abandoned by everyone, but maybe trying to prove to yourself that it will be different with these friends. 

Quote from DruidofMN >>

My current group is almost finished with Tomb of Annihilation and we decided that our next campaign would be Curse of Strahd. Knowing that our next campaign would be a Dark Fantasy, rather then a High Fantasy, I decided that the character I ran there should seem like they've lived in a dark fantasy world all their life, so I created 2 possible characters who both have been through hell prior to getting their invitation. One of these characters is a druid who suffers from depression due to the fact that in real life, I have had my depressed moments, and in the game world, they were a homeless orphan who never knew their parents and lived on the streets with their older brother, until he died. But I firmly placed them in the Neutral Good alignment, and they keep finding ways to keep going. But I fear that if this were the character I'd play as (I'm choosing what character I use based on the ratio of magic users and physical fighters), their depression could ruin the game. I don't want to lie to my fellow players in that I gave this character depression as a way to show that I've had my fair share of depressed moments, especially in this time of Covid, but I still want the game to be thrilling and scary. Any advice?

Reallife sensitivity being a given.

For gaming purposes, I would stat a mental illness or challenge of a character as nothing more than a Flaw. Think of some specific inconvenience, that other characters might recognize as happening because of the depression, such as wanting to be left alone while resting and eating, or almost never expressing enthusiasm for any plan. And the depression can also relate to the Ideal − such as the desire to persevere no matter how bad thing get or the desire to help others. Likewise the personality quirk, can relate to depression, such as rolling ones eyes whenever some well-meaning person tries to cheer them up.

Just think in terms of the normal character description, Flaw, Ideal, and quirk. The character can be fun to play and fun to have in a group.