Hi all, 

I am a fairly new DM. I would say my experience DMing is slightly below average but my knowledge is slightly above average. I run a campaign virtually once a month with 5 players. All five players have varying degrees from experience from several years (my assistant DM) to only about a year. 

We play over discord. I had a session recently where one player drinks a fair amount of alcohol during the session. I am not one to judge how much is too much. During the session I saw this player drink what looked like 2 glasses of wine and maybe 1-2 mixed drinks. This player sort of (not fully) over took the session. Without going into the detail, this player done this before where he drink 2-3 mixed drinks and had what called one of the worst hangovers ever. He was very sick the next day. He figured it out on his own and stated he would not do it again. 

This same player expressed during our break that he was strongly addicted to the game. This worries me a bit because I have friends that were addicted to video games and it did not end well. I have also experience video game addiction. Does anyone have any suggestions? I welcome honesty and support. Thanks

We regularly play with aclcohol during sessions (no underage) and it's fine for us but like anything addiction can become a problem, especially if the player become disruptive or something. . If the player mention having addiction issues, perhaps suggesting to seek professionnal help about it.

My experience with people who drink or smoke pot (which is legal where I live) while playing D&D is that it might make the game more fun for the people who are doing it, it makes the game dramatically less fun for the ones who aren't.

If the player is being disruptive, and it sounds like they are, you should talk to them about it.  If they're not willing to stop or at least cut back on how much they drink while playing, you may need to boot them from the group.  This is a last resort but the alternative can be that your other players start quitting if he's being a problem.

Keep an eye on the player. If you notice unhealthy fixation or unwelcome/disruptive behavior at the table, talk to him about it privately. Talk about resources and ways to play safely and respectfully. Keep an eye on your other players as well and check in with them periodically to see how they're enjoying the game. Open communication and honesty, as well as some proactivity about setting boundaries, will help forestall any serious issues.

If you do notice that the player is beginning to exhibit undesirable traits, or that the other players are reacting negatively to him, bring it up outside of the game. The DM sets the tone and expectations for the table, so be clear in every conversation you have with your players about what you will and won't allow at your table. If you aren't comfortable with something and want to draw a boundary (such as "no alcohol/phones/crosstalk during sessions, please"), then be up front about it with everyone and stick to it. Private conversations about undesirable or concerning behavior should be the first step, but if you have to stop a session because of something extremely disruptive going on in the moment, you can do that too. 

Finally...there are some people who use D&D as a means to deal with deeper issues. It really isn't ideal, and the DM is not responsible for facilitating a therapy experience. If a player is struggling with an addiction that you feel you are enabling, and conversations about the behavior haven't led to positive change, you have every right to kindly and graciously disinvite them from your table until they're in a more stable place to play. 

Quote from 6thLyranGuard >>

My experience with people who drink or smoke pot (which is legal where I live) while playing D&D is that it might make the game more fun for the people who are doing it, it makes the game dramatically less fun for the ones who aren't.

If the player is being disruptive, and it sounds like they are, you should talk to them about it.  If they're not willing to stop or at least cut back on how much they drink while playing, you may need to boot them from the group.  This is a last resort but the alternative can be that your other players start quitting if he's being a problem.

 I have to agree here. Tell the player, privately, that their drinking is becoming disruptive. While you are not judging them for it, and they should be able to do what’s fun for them, what they’re doing is getting in the way of everyone else’s and that’s where it crosses the line. And tell them they need to dial it back or you’ll have to ask them to leave the group. 
It will be uncomfortable for you. But you need to be very blunt and very clear about your expectations if you hope anything will change. And then, follow through if they don’t stop the behavior. 

I have a fair bit of experience DMing for individuals with substance abuse issues, as well as professionally handle substance abuse matters.  Substance abuse is difficult and delicate, and can be incredibly hard to determine the correct mechanism for interacting with the individual using substances from the scant information that can be provided in forum posts.

However, with what information has been provided (and the caveat different information might result in different advice), I would caution against following the advice of the individuals above and talking to the player about their drinking.  From what you have provided, this has been a singular event where their drinking was a problem--and most importantly, the individual recognized that their drinking was a problem and said they will not be doing that at table again.  

That is an important recognition on their part--and the fact they reaches out to you and had a conversation is incredibly important.  Doubling down on your concerns by having a second conversation can actually jeopardize the progress and recognition that they made by making the individual feel their own internal reflections were not sufficient and making them feel defensive.  Further, it might jeopardize future progress with the individual--if they felt like they opened up to you and then you decided to share a vulnerability, and you appeared to hold lingering resentment and bring the matter up on a second occasion, they might be less inclined to open up next time there is a problem. 

For right now, I think your best bet is to see if they actually change their behavior.  If they do, great--then that is one less thing you have to worry about.  If you have a second night where their drinking becomes a problem, then you should instigate a conversation with the individual the next day (probably later in the day after they have had time to sober up) and explain that they can become problematic when drinking, and ask that they try to limit how much they drink.  You likely do not want to go to a full moratorium on drinking on their second offense--that might be seen as overly aggressive.  At this time, they likely do not see their drinking as a problem--they see their excessive drinking as a problem.  

Now, if they do have a substance abuse issue, they might not be able to keep their drinking down to a non-problematic level--they might plan to only have a drink or two, but two leads to three and beyond as their addiction keeps them from stopping.  At that point, after two conversations with them, you can try to implement a complete ban on their drinking during the game.  If it continues to be a problem, then you will need to have some difficult conversations with both that player and the other players in your group (though do not talk with all of them together) about whether the drinking play may have to be removed from the game.

Regarding their gaming addiction issues, that can become a problem for your group if it leads to "Main Character Syndrome" type issues--the issues you presented where they try to take over the entire campaign.  If this is a problem even when they do not have any intoxicants in their system, you will need to have a hard conversation with them about their playstyle and how it is interfering with the game.  In some ways, this kind of problem can be harder to solve in-game--there is not a tangible external factor (like alcohol) you can visibly see and remove, the problem stems from within their own personality.  You might need to be a little more patient on this front and schedule regular debriefs so you can talk about the prior session--if you do not see improvement, then it is time for a hard conversation about their continued playing the game.

And, of course, you should be encouraging of them seeking professional help if it seems appropriate in the conversation to do so (i.e. they have acknowledged a problem or the problem is sufficiently bad that it would make sense to make such a suggestion).  Timing that suggestion is incredibly difficult--and not something one can really gauge over the internet as it needs to be decided based upon myriad factors in the heat of the moment.  Seeking help can be one of the most difficult things for folks with addiction issues--they see it as embarrassing, terrifying, like admitting they are too weak to fix their own problems, or any other number of reasons, none of which is really accurate.  As your friend, it is helpful if you try and recognize and undermine those fears, trying to help them recognize there is no shame in asking a professional to help with a medical condition. 

Years ago, with my lifelong friends, we used to drink a lot in games and it always ended up getting out of control. The bard singing and dancing on the table (she's a professional dancer), while the rest of us began to clap to set the rhythm. Great fun, but a disaster for the game.
In the end we had to ban alcohol. At most a sweet wine. And the game appreciated it.

I feel I need to post a counterpoint: When me RL group and I were young, we drank like ... well, a lot. We had a lot of fun, and a lot of fun games, and never any negative impact - if we got too drunk, we'd stop playing, and go to town instead. To this day, we still (occasionally, like maybe twice a year) meet up for that style of game: Lots of good food, lots of good wine, lots of good game. 

None of us wound up addicted to anything. 

My games were always without alcohol, so I can’t speak of direct experience, but if people keep it to one or two glasses and don’t actually get drunk, just a little tipsy, I don’t think it would be a problem.

If you have a player who is problematic, I would suggest first giving them the chance to sort it out themselves. At most let them know their behaviour is not ok and would develop into a real problem if it continued, and then see what they do.

In my experience, video game addiction is a sign that a person may have the kind of personality which addicts easily, and may need to take extra care with other sources of addiction such as alcohol or drugs. 

A couple of points:

I'm not really a fan of confrontation over a single instance. Unless they've done something where the act needs to be resolved (Eg, they hurt the feelings of someone, etc). If something can be resolved without confrontation, great. And it seems it has - they've said it's not going to happen again, so problem solved and no one has to feel like the bad guy. Brilliant.

It sounds like you want to talk to your friend about a potential addiction. I'm wincing. I've had to deal with people with problems like that...they generally don't react well if you're initiating, and they can be surprisingly unpleasant. If they're not ready to recognise that they have a problem...they can react unpredictably.

It's better to be a friend, make sure they know you're open to talking about things and just be there for them. When they're ready to recognise that they have an issue and want to resolve it, they'll come to you - and the conversation won't be as potentially problematic. Remember, as much as you want to help, they have to live their life, not you. Just be there to pick up the pieces, if it comes to that. You'll do more good that way.

Yeah, nobody here is really qualified to say anything about whether this person is or is not having addiction issues.  Just focus on the behavior at the table and whether or not their drinking habit is creating a disruption.  Going any further than that is probably going to just cause a whole lot more problems than it solves.

Thanks all,

I came up with a semi plan. After seeing what you all posted and talking to a neutral person. Here are my thoughts. 

- Don’t worry about the addiction comment. (I am in a counseling type field so I may have over reacted)

- Ask the table to limit the amount of alcohol that is consumed during sessions. If it starts becoming a major issue then address it. 

- I was told that sometimes it is good for the party to have someone that is occasionally outspoken and lively. 

- There are slight gameplay adjustments I am making as well that should help but that is slightly off topic.