How popular is it? The only thing I can figure out is that it has 4 more dislikes than it has likes. I can't see views or adds numbers.
It's feature descriptions tell me almost nothing. It is not a werewolf, but it looks like one (how is it different?). It is hydrophobic (why?). It is fast and can climb, but doesn't have speeds listed. It can see in the dark some in mentioned distance. It has the average HP of a level 2 character (which is a weird fact to include in a race description). It "is very strong" whatever that means as no further explanation is given. And it has 3 subraces that each raise 1 ability by 1 and no other distinguishing traits.
How popular is it? The only thing I can figure out is that it has 4 more dislikes than it has likes. I can't see views or adds numbers.
It's feature descriptions tell me almost nothing. It is not a werewolf, but it looks like one (how is it different?). It is hydrophobic (why?). It is fast and can climb, but doesn't have speeds listed. It can see in the dark some in mentioned distance. It has the average HP of a level 2 character (which is a weird fact to include in a race description). It "is very strong" whatever that means as no further explanation is given. And it has 3 subraces that each raise 1 ability by 1 and no other distinguishing traits.
Simply put, it is unfinished.
I have created a new version. I hope the new one is satisfactory. Though the old version will continue to be able to view.
You should take some time and look at the Race entries in the Players Handbook. Here is a free example of what people are looking for.
Dwarf Traits
Your dwarf character has an assortment of inborn abilities, part and parcel of dwarven nature.
Ability Score Increase
Your Constitution score increases by 2.
Age
Dwarves mature at the same rate as humans, but they’re considered young until they reach the age of 50. On average, they live about 350 years.
Alignment
Most dwarves are lawful, believing firmly in the benefits of a well-ordered society. They tend toward good as well, with a strong sense of fair play and a belief that everyone deserves to share in the benefits of a just order.
Size
Dwarves stand between 4 and 5 feet tall and average about 150 pounds. Your size is Medium.
Speed
Your base walking speed is 25 feet. Your speed is not reduced by wearing heavy armor.
Darkvision
Accustomed to life underground, you have superior vision in dark and dim conditions. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can’t discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.
Dwarven Resilience
You have advantage on saving throws against poison, and you have resistance against poison damage (explained in the “Combat” section).
Dwarven Combat Training
You have proficiency with the battleaxe, handaxe, light hammer, and warhammer.
Tool Proficiency
You gain proficiency with the artisan’s tools of your choice: smith’s tools, brewer’s supplies, or mason’s tools.
Stonecunning
Whenever you make an Intelligence (History) check related to the origin of stonework, you are considered proficient in the History skill and add double your proficiency bonus to the check, instead of your normal proficiency bonus.
Languages
You can speak, read, and write Common and Dwarvish. Dwarvish is full of hard consonants and guttural sounds, and those characteristics spill over into whatever other language a dwarf might speak.
How popular is it? The only thing I can figure out is that it has 4 more dislikes than it has likes. I can't see views or adds numbers.
It's feature descriptions tell me almost nothing. It is not a werewolf, but it looks like one (how is it different?). It is hydrophobic (why?). It is fast and can climb, but doesn't have speeds listed. It can see in the dark some unmentioned distance. It has the average HP of a level 2 character (which is a weird fact to include in a race description). It "is very strong" whatever that means as no further explanation is given. And it has 32 subraces that each raise 1 ability by 1 and no other distinguishing traits.
Simply put, it is unfinished.
I have created a new version. I hope the new one is satisfactory. Though the old version will continue to be able to view.
You addressed 2 of my mentioned concerns and lost a subclass. The details are still very sparse and the mechanics are still almost completely undefined. It is still unfinished.
Golaryn posted a good example of what finished should look like (obviously you don't need the dwarf specific features (tools or stone parts included)).
OK, taking a look at your current version of Warwolf.
Description
"Warwolves look like Werewolves. They fear large water sources and stay 7 feet away at all times because their lost god was said to have drowned in 7 feet of water. They are excellent climbers and walkers, and very fast at both. They are very strong."
A proper physical description should be used rather than "look like Werewolves" because Werewolves may look like humans and only adopt a bestial form when they shift. Even then there can be variety. So you should describe the race specifically, as "Werewolf" is not strong enough descriptor. Just going "like werewolves" will cause confusion. It might also have people think they shift forms like Werewolves do. And it can cause them to wonder if this is just a variant of werewolf and if it can be contracted from lycanthropy.
You mention a "lost god". It sounds cool and all, but "lost god" is an ultimately pointless term without context. Lost in what way? If lost to history then how do Warwolves still know about it and fear the way it died? If lost as in nobody found the remains of this dead god then how do they know it died that way and why are there no remains? How could a "god" die from such a silly thing as a bit of water? Why 7 feet of water? Why would this make a Warwolf fear water - there could be many instances where a Warwolf could have been forced into water and then realise "oh wait, this isn't bad, I can just swim!" so why do they all fear it?
You mention they are good at climbing and walking and very strong but you have nothing to statistically indicate this.
The description is where you can describe what the members typically look like, how unique individuals could be, whether they are tribal or nomadic, are they civilised or brutish, do they prefer large groups or more solitary, do they have cultures and traditions - you mention they have a god, how important is religion to them as a whole? Do they form societies and if so what kind of societies are they? Do they break from our realistic world norms - are they matriarchal instead of patriarchal or is gender not as important to them? Are they rare and hidden or abundent and just newly emerging? Do they know how they came to be - or at least have a myth about it? Why are they called Warwolves - what makes them 'wolves of war'?
What you provide gives the player nothing to use for understanding how to roleplay this creature and nothing to work with when asked "what are your people like?".
Traits
Your introduction to the traits is simply Warwolves are strong. Which means nothing at this point. The point of the racial traits introduction is something like "As a Warwolf you have the following Racial traits" or something, as well as being a good place to put in any notes the player may need if the race is intended to be more powerful than a regular PC or more complicated to use the traits and should be more thoroughly discussed with the DM.
Darkvision Warwolves have a strong Darkvision.
Taken at face value that the whole range of their sight is darkvision then this is immensely overpowered. There's a reason why Darkvision traits are often limited to 60 ft or sometimes 120 ft (often with a penalty trait like Sunlight Sensitivity).
Ability Score Increase Warwolves are very strong because of their body build. Lots of muscles.
The Ability Score Increase should be first on the list and it is not enough to simply say they are strong or fast or whatever. The point and purpose of racial traits is to understand how the race will work mechanically. So, you should indicate what bonuses or penalties apply to the ability scores. Presumably this would be +2 Strength? If so, this should be indicated. As it stands, without this indentifier I would have no way to increase strength by an appropriate amount so would end up with no stat increase at all which would defeat the purpose of the trait.
And you have no other main racial features? Where's the climbing and walking speeds? Where is the size? What ages do they have? There's nothing else which conflicts with what little description you have. And what about language? Do they speak common? Do they have no other language?
My recommendation would be giving ASI +1 Strength, +1 Constitution, Age: mature same rate as humans but can live to be 150 years old, Size medium, Darkvion 60 ft, Keen Senses trait giving proficiency to Perception checks, Monstrous Features trait giving advantage to Intimidation checks, walking speed 30 ft, climbing speed 20 ft, and for Languages choose Common and choice of 1 other.
For Subraces I would recommend
Warrior: +1 Strength, the Powerful Build feature (count as 1 size larger when determining carrying capacity/etc), and a natural claw attack.
Runner: +1 Dex, +10 walking and climbing speeds,
Thinker: +1 Intelligence, tool proficiency of choice, advantage on Initiative checks.
My recommendations are only off the top of my head so may need some reworking but it should highlight that your subraces and racial traits need to offer more and need to back up what you are describing them as in your Description.
--
Hope this helps.
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Click ✨ HERE ✨ For My Youtube Videos featuring Guides, Tips & Tricks for using D&D Beyond. Need help with Homebrew? Check out ✨ thisFAQ/Guide thread ✨ by IamSposta.
Thank you, everyone, who has looked at the Warwolf race. I didn't think it would be this popular. Let me know if you have a character using it. :)
How popular is it? The only thing I can figure out is that it has 4 more dislikes than it has likes. I can't see views or adds numbers.
It's feature descriptions tell me almost nothing. It is not a werewolf, but it looks like one (how is it different?). It is hydrophobic (why?). It is fast and can climb, but doesn't have speeds listed. It can see in the dark some in mentioned distance. It has the average HP of a level 2 character (which is a weird fact to include in a race description). It "is very strong" whatever that means as no further explanation is given. And it has 3 subraces that each raise 1 ability by 1 and no other distinguishing traits.
Simply put, it is unfinished.
I have created a new version. I hope the new one is satisfactory. Though the old version will continue to be able to view.
You should take some time and look at the Race entries in the Players Handbook. Here is a free example of what people are looking for.
Dwarf Traits
Your dwarf character has an assortment of inborn abilities, part and parcel of dwarven nature.
Ability Score Increase
Your Constitution score increases by 2.
Age
Dwarves mature at the same rate as humans, but they’re considered young until they reach the age of 50. On average, they live about 350 years.
Alignment
Most dwarves are lawful, believing firmly in the benefits of a well-ordered society. They tend toward good as well, with a strong sense of fair play and a belief that everyone deserves to share in the benefits of a just order.
Size
Dwarves stand between 4 and 5 feet tall and average about 150 pounds. Your size is Medium.
Speed
Your base walking speed is 25 feet. Your speed is not reduced by wearing heavy armor.
Darkvision
Accustomed to life underground, you have superior vision in dark and dim conditions. You can see in dim light within 60 feet of you as if it were bright light, and in darkness as if it were dim light. You can’t discern color in darkness, only shades of gray.
Dwarven Resilience
You have advantage on saving throws against poison, and you have resistance against poison damage (explained in the “Combat” section).
Dwarven Combat Training
You have proficiency with the battleaxe, handaxe, light hammer, and warhammer.
Tool Proficiency
You gain proficiency with the artisan’s tools of your choice: smith’s tools, brewer’s supplies, or mason’s tools.
Stonecunning
Whenever you make an Intelligence (History) check related to the origin of stonework, you are considered proficient in the History skill and add double your proficiency bonus to the check, instead of your normal proficiency bonus.
Languages
You can speak, read, and write Common and Dwarvish. Dwarvish is full of hard consonants and guttural sounds, and those characteristics spill over into whatever other language a dwarf might speak.
She/Her Player and Dungeon Master
You addressed 2 of my mentioned concerns and lost a subclass. The details are still very sparse and the mechanics are still almost completely undefined. It is still unfinished.
Golaryn posted a good example of what finished should look like (obviously you don't need the dwarf specific features (tools or stone parts included)).
Not going to use. It's clearly a work in progress. Keep trucking =)
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
OK, taking a look at your current version of Warwolf.
Description
"Warwolves look like Werewolves. They fear large water sources and stay 7 feet away at all times because their lost god was said to have drowned in 7 feet of water. They are excellent climbers and walkers, and very fast at both. They are very strong."
A proper physical description should be used rather than "look like Werewolves" because Werewolves may look like humans and only adopt a bestial form when they shift. Even then there can be variety. So you should describe the race specifically, as "Werewolf" is not strong enough descriptor. Just going "like werewolves" will cause confusion. It might also have people think they shift forms like Werewolves do. And it can cause them to wonder if this is just a variant of werewolf and if it can be contracted from lycanthropy.
You mention a "lost god". It sounds cool and all, but "lost god" is an ultimately pointless term without context. Lost in what way? If lost to history then how do Warwolves still know about it and fear the way it died? If lost as in nobody found the remains of this dead god then how do they know it died that way and why are there no remains? How could a "god" die from such a silly thing as a bit of water? Why 7 feet of water? Why would this make a Warwolf fear water - there could be many instances where a Warwolf could have been forced into water and then realise "oh wait, this isn't bad, I can just swim!" so why do they all fear it?
You mention they are good at climbing and walking and very strong but you have nothing to statistically indicate this.
The description is where you can describe what the members typically look like, how unique individuals could be, whether they are tribal or nomadic, are they civilised or brutish, do they prefer large groups or more solitary, do they have cultures and traditions - you mention they have a god, how important is religion to them as a whole? Do they form societies and if so what kind of societies are they? Do they break from our realistic world norms - are they matriarchal instead of patriarchal or is gender not as important to them? Are they rare and hidden or abundent and just newly emerging? Do they know how they came to be - or at least have a myth about it? Why are they called Warwolves - what makes them 'wolves of war'?
What you provide gives the player nothing to use for understanding how to roleplay this creature and nothing to work with when asked "what are your people like?".
Traits
Your introduction to the traits is simply Warwolves are strong. Which means nothing at this point. The point of the racial traits introduction is something like "As a Warwolf you have the following Racial traits" or something, as well as being a good place to put in any notes the player may need if the race is intended to be more powerful than a regular PC or more complicated to use the traits and should be more thoroughly discussed with the DM.
Darkvision
Warwolves have a strong Darkvision.
Taken at face value that the whole range of their sight is darkvision then this is immensely overpowered. There's a reason why Darkvision traits are often limited to 60 ft or sometimes 120 ft (often with a penalty trait like Sunlight Sensitivity).
Ability Score Increase
Warwolves are very strong because of their body build. Lots of muscles.
The Ability Score Increase should be first on the list and it is not enough to simply say they are strong or fast or whatever. The point and purpose of racial traits is to understand how the race will work mechanically. So, you should indicate what bonuses or penalties apply to the ability scores. Presumably this would be +2 Strength? If so, this should be indicated. As it stands, without this indentifier I would have no way to increase strength by an appropriate amount so would end up with no stat increase at all which would defeat the purpose of the trait.
And you have no other main racial features? Where's the climbing and walking speeds? Where is the size? What ages do they have? There's nothing else which conflicts with what little description you have. And what about language? Do they speak common? Do they have no other language?
My recommendation would be giving ASI +1 Strength, +1 Constitution, Age: mature same rate as humans but can live to be 150 years old, Size medium, Darkvion 60 ft, Keen Senses trait giving proficiency to Perception checks, Monstrous Features trait giving advantage to Intimidation checks, walking speed 30 ft, climbing speed 20 ft, and for Languages choose Common and choice of 1 other.
For Subraces I would recommend
Warrior: +1 Strength, the Powerful Build feature (count as 1 size larger when determining carrying capacity/etc), and a natural claw attack.
Runner: +1 Dex, +10 walking and climbing speeds,
Thinker: +1 Intelligence, tool proficiency of choice, advantage on Initiative checks.
My recommendations are only off the top of my head so may need some reworking but it should highlight that your subraces and racial traits need to offer more and need to back up what you are describing them as in your Description.
--
Hope this helps.
Click ✨ HERE ✨ For My Youtube Videos featuring Guides, Tips & Tricks for using D&D Beyond.
Need help with Homebrew? Check out ✨ this FAQ/Guide thread ✨ by IamSposta.
This seems like trolling to me...
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Thanks, everyone. This weekend is going to be working my butt off to finish it. I hope you all will like it. (P.S. Thanks Golaryn)