Me (the goliath warlock), and the bard going to the blacksmith in Water deep.
Male Fire genasi: Welcome to our shop. I'm [name redacted incase of spoilers]. And this is my husband [second verse same as the first]
Male Water Genasi: Why hello.
Me. Not knowing same sex marriage is a thing, due to being apart of a tribal society: Wait.... You can do that? How does that work? Man city life is crazy.
Player 2: Ooh! Pretty! DM: What? Player 2: Dark mode on DDB!
*remainder of session was praising the glory of Underdark mode on DDB*
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Player 2: Ooh! Pretty! DM: What? Player 2: Dark mode on DDB!
*remainder of session was praising the glory of Underdark mode on DDB*
It's amazing! It saves a bunch of battery for long dnd sessions!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely. If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Ok, this one’s from a sesh I just finished, The Pugilist is trying to get Strahd to confront him instead of just echoing his voice through the castle.
Strahd: You’re a brute!
Pugilist: I know you are but what am I?
Strahd: You idiot!, just get out of my castle!
Pugilist: I am rubber, you are glue, your words bounce off me and stick to you!
Strahd: Is at all you’ve got? Come on! Roast me!
Pugilist: You’re like a old Treant with no teeth, You’re so deep-rooted you’re afraid to move, and your bark is WAY worse than your bite.
*Witty back-and-forth ensues for a few minutes* *Pugilist trying to force a showdown between the party and Strahd* Pugilist: I can’t kick your butt unless you get closer.
2 hours later:
Strahd: Just get out of here! I was in my rumpus room watching Animaniacs until you adventurers came along!
EDIT: No-Prize to Princedg5678 for the spelling correction.
Ok, this one’s from a sesh I just finished, The Pugilist is trying to get Strahd to confront him instead of just echoing his voice through the castle.
Strahd: You’re a brute!
Pugilist: I know you are but what am I?
Strahd: You idiot!, just get out of my castle!
Pugilist: I am rubber, you are glue, your words bounce off me and stick to you!
Strahd: Is at all you’ve got? Come on! Roast me!
Pugilist: You’re like a old Treant with no teeth, You’re so deep-rooted you’re afraid to move, and your bark is WAY worse than your bite.
*Witty back-and-forth ensues for a few minutes* *Pugilist trying to force a showdown between the party and Strahd* Pugilist: I can’t kick your butt unless you get closer.
2 hours later:
Strahd: Just get out of here! I was in my rumpus room watching Animaniacs until you andventurers came along!
Lol, I was thinking of a situation where a group of players would catch Orcus in bath-robes watching cartoons. (Has not happened yet)
Also, you misspelled "adventurers" to "andventurers."
So I've been experimenting with a time travel premise, which requires the PCs to not contradict the events they have for knowledge of, lest they damage destiny. After an encounter with a celestial, the following quote came up;
"I shot the seraph, but I did not screw your destiny."
"Welp, time to go back to go back to killing children."
"I am not Lawful Good, I am Lawful Toxic!"
"The trolls are just land mermaids!"
These are all from a Storm King's Thunder campaign. It is still going and just as chaotic.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Well met! Welcome fellow adventurers, to Waterdeep! Ignore the drunken dwarf trying to flip off all the giants in existence and the Tempus-worshiping bounty hunter setting homes on fire with a flaming boat. If you see them dropping short swords on Citadel Felbarr, don't be worried. It is a usual occurrence.
Our party had disguised ourselves as dwarves and snuck into a dwarf base, where the BBEG was had a hideout. We knew it was going to be hidden, so we decided that sorcerer should cast etherealness to scope out the base.
Sorc: Alright, I'll cast it now.
Me: Wait! Won't everyone around us notice you disappearing?
Sorc: You're right, I should find a hiding spot.
*Enter the bathroom of a shop and casts it.*
*the rest of us wait outside in the shop, distracting the shopkeeper*
Shopkeep: So... your buddy had been in there for quite some time, I don't hear anything coming from the bathroom, I'm going to go check on him, something must be wrong.
Us: *panicking* Uhh. no, he's fine, h-he uhhh... has dysentery! Yeah! uh, Dwarvish Dimensional Dysentery! mmhm, yep! Ol' Thorin's got the diarrhea so bad, he craps his soul to another plane for 8 hours!
DM: *sigh* Roll deception. (it worked)
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely. If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Sorcerer: I'm already [Rogue's] moral compass, I'm not going to be his orb of direction.
Rogue: Can I amputate your arm?
Sorcerer: There's no such thing as a "0" on a d20. DM: Yes, there is, it just doesn't exist.
DM: The box is both burning and freezing at the same time. Druid: I would not want to be that box. Sorcerer: My hand is attached to the box! Druid: That sounds like a "you" problem.
Rogue: Remember how Dorothy poured oil on the Tin Woodsman and set him on fire? Sorcerer: That's not how I remember it. Rogue: I might have skipped a few lines.
DM: I don't know. Would a box break if you threw an earthquake at it?
Rogue: I'm good at two things. Dancing, and doing sneak attacks with double shortswords.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
*Halfling Luck* Player 4: "That one doesn't exist!" *rolls again* DM: "But that one does."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
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Me (the goliath warlock), and the bard going to the blacksmith in Water deep.
Male Fire genasi: Welcome to our shop. I'm [name redacted incase of spoilers]. And this is my husband [second verse same as the first]
Male Water Genasi: Why hello.
Me. Not knowing same sex marriage is a thing, due to being apart of a tribal society: Wait.... You can do that? How does that work? Man city life is crazy.
We all use DDB.
Just now:
Player 2: Ooh! Pretty!
DM: What?
Player 2: Dark mode on DDB!
*remainder of session was praising the glory of Underdark mode on DDB*
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
It's amazing! It saves a bunch of battery for long dnd sessions!
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely.
If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Homebrew races: ~Otterfolk! Play as a otter!~ Playable Dryad! (Literally just the monster sheet ported to player race)
Sauce Archpriest!- Join the Supreme Court of Sauces! Join the Cult of Cults! EXTENDED SIGNATURE Tooltips
"[Monk] just killed someone with asparagus."
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
Ok, this one’s from a sesh I just finished, The Pugilist is trying to get Strahd to confront him instead of just echoing his voice through the castle.
Strahd: You’re a brute!
Pugilist: I know you are but what am I?
Strahd: You idiot!, just get out of my castle!
Pugilist: I am rubber, you are glue, your words bounce off me and stick to you!
Strahd: Is at all you’ve got? Come on! Roast me!
Pugilist: You’re like a old Treant with no teeth, You’re so deep-rooted you’re afraid to move, and your bark is WAY worse than your bite.
*Witty back-and-forth ensues for a few minutes*
*Pugilist trying to force a showdown between the party and Strahd*
Pugilist: I can’t kick your butt unless you get closer.
2 hours later:
Strahd: Just get out of here! I was in my rumpus room watching Animaniacs until you adventurers came along!
EDIT: No-Prize to Princedg5678 for the spelling correction.
Mystic v3 should be official, nuff said.
Lol, I was thinking of a situation where a group of players would catch Orcus in bath-robes watching cartoons. (Has not happened yet)
Also, you misspelled "adventurers" to "andventurers."
“Push away your inner turmoil and throw a ball of icy death at it.”
*Lizardfolk druid approach's storyteller*
Storyteller: Ah! A lizard. We rarely get your kind around here.
Druid: It’s lizardfolk…
Storyteller: Oh. Lizardfolk then.
Druid: Most of the time.
Storyteller: You speak in riddles.
Druid: I’m being surprisingly literal, actually.
*Later*
Storyteller: Goodbye lizard…!
Druid: *Turns into lizard*
Storyteller: Folk! Wait…
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
From a campaign I was in years ago
"Why did we bring a Werewolf to the Moon? Who thought this was a good idea?!"
Cleric: "You know, evil people can have friends too."
Divination wizard: "I know! I called him my evil friend."
Evocation wizard (me): "Yeah, they're exchanging bones."
Divination wizard: "Exactly, we're boning! Just dudes being pals."
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
Sorcerer (Me): Surely the dragon at least has disadvantage if I’m inside his stomach?
I can’t remember what’s supposed to go here.
So I've been experimenting with a time travel premise, which requires the PCs to not contradict the events they have for knowledge of, lest they damage destiny. After an encounter with a celestial, the following quote came up;
"I shot the seraph, but I did not screw your destiny."
And because they had a lot on their plate;
"Oh shit I forgot to milk my giant spider."
"Welp, time to go back to go back to killing children."
"I am not Lawful Good, I am Lawful Toxic!"
"The trolls are just land mermaids!"
These are all from a Storm King's Thunder campaign. It is still going and just as chaotic.
Well met! Welcome fellow adventurers, to Waterdeep! Ignore the drunken dwarf trying to flip off all the giants in existence and the Tempus-worshiping bounty hunter setting homes on fire with a flaming boat. If you see them dropping short swords on Citadel Felbarr, don't be worried. It is a usual occurrence.
Please check out my homebrew creations the Scion Succubus Variant and the Sentient Gazer with a Corpse!
NPC: talking about how they almost died.
My sister, playing a sorcerer: that’s rough buddy.
I am a conjurer, but the only thing I can summon is disappointment
Status: schools started, so weekday posting is limited.
I'm a member of the "oops I accidentally destroyed someone's brain cult"
I might be losing it at the rate of the heat death of the universe.
Extended Sig
Prudence! Oxventure got me back into d&d.
Bar weep grana weep mini barn?
Our party had disguised ourselves as dwarves and snuck into a dwarf base, where the BBEG was had a hideout. We knew it was going to be hidden, so we decided that sorcerer should cast etherealness to scope out the base.
Sorc: Alright, I'll cast it now.
Me: Wait! Won't everyone around us notice you disappearing?
Sorc: You're right, I should find a hiding spot.
*Enter the bathroom of a shop and casts it.*
*the rest of us wait outside in the shop, distracting the shopkeeper*
Shopkeep: So... your buddy had been in there for quite some time, I don't hear anything coming from the bathroom, I'm going to go check on him, something must be wrong.
Us: *panicking* Uhh. no, he's fine, h-he uhhh... has dysentery! Yeah! uh, Dwarvish Dimensional Dysentery! mmhm, yep! Ol' Thorin's got the diarrhea so bad, he craps his soul to another plane for 8 hours!
DM: *sigh* Roll deception. (it worked)
Life is very busy unfortunately, gone from most Pbp's indefinitely.
If you'd like to contact me, I am on Discord at GreatAxeblade#7595, always happy to chat :)
Homebrew races: ~Otterfolk! Play as a otter!~ Playable Dryad! (Literally just the monster sheet ported to player race)
Sauce Archpriest!- Join the Supreme Court of Sauces! Join the Cult of Cults! EXTENDED SIGNATURE Tooltips
Here are some from my most recent session.
Sorcerer: I'm already [Rogue's] moral compass, I'm not going to be his orb of direction.
Rogue: Can I amputate your arm?
Sorcerer: There's no such thing as a "0" on a d20.
DM: Yes, there is, it just doesn't exist.
DM: The box is both burning and freezing at the same time.
Druid: I would not want to be that box.
Sorcerer: My hand is attached to the box!
Druid: That sounds like a "you" problem.
Rogue: Remember how Dorothy poured oil on the Tin Woodsman and set him on fire?
Sorcerer: That's not how I remember it.
Rogue: I might have skipped a few lines.
DM: I don't know. Would a box break if you threw an earthquake at it?
Rogue: I'm good at two things. Dancing, and doing sneak attacks with double shortswords.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
"Okay, I rolled a nat 1 so pretty much...I swing my sword and just yeet it into the woods"
“Daggers don’t inhale!”
I live with several severe autoimmune conditions. If I don’t get back to you right away, it’s probably because I’m not feeling well.
Yessssss. Thhhey drrinnnk
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
*Halfling Luck*
Player 4: "That one doesn't exist!"
*rolls again*
DM: "But that one does."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.