Not a quote, more of a story. Intro to campaign, in a tavern. Beautiful elf barmaid comes up. My halfling swashbuckler decides to flirt with her. Later, when she is bringing us our drinks, a huge half-orc hassles her. I try to intimidate the half-orc into leaving her alone. Now, remember, a halfling intimidating a half-orc. I shit you not, I got a nat 20. He takes one look at me, and instantly pisses his pants. Me, a 3ft tall halfling intimidating a 7ft tall half-orc. Needless to say, I took the barmaid to bed at the end of the night, and am thinking of making her his love interest for the rest of the campaign.
Reminds me of the Bard who didn't know Infernal and tried to use someone's dissertation on the subject to speak it. (Rolled a 1.)
It came out as (paraphrase): "[Unintelligible] to you for the barely-acceptable food of nondescript naughty-pink mush. How to shortest distance directions to my sky-blue No. 2 pencil lavatory? I am pleased when your creator [unintelligible verb] my [unintelligible noun] for 5.288 hours. The schoolbus is yellow."
Have I ever mentioned how Infernal is an extremely precise legalese-inspired language? (One word in Infernal means something very, very specific. Devils are always looking for loopholes to gain advantage. Hence, why Infernal exists - to create and avoid loopholes depending on how well one uses the language.)
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I’m running Dragon of Icespire Peak and my party was getting close to Dragon Barrow. As they got near the Centaur NPC I initially described him as a humanoid on house back but expanded stating that they could see this was a mix of beast and man as they approached closer. One of my party member blurted out “it’s a reverse centaur” and showed off this image.
"Congrats. You have graduated from the College of Swords with honorary P.H.d in interpretative dance" this was after the bard invented the thriller to convince zombies that they were zombies, after the bard managed to convince armor that doesn't understand any languages that they were friends via interpretive dance
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
A Tarrasque approaches on the horizon, who's coming foretells the end of the civilization. Our (admittedly low-level) party had gathered with an army to make their final stand.
We stood atop the battlements of a fortress, lined with ballista. Though we had countless archers, wizards, and warriors...the situation was grim, and everyone was tense.
You know that D&D meme, where the leader of a group of knights points to the gargantuan monster and yells, "We can die as cowards, or die as heroes! The point is...THAT thing is going to kill us!"
It was basically like that.
So my Gnome Rune Knight Fighter figures that if he's going to die...he's going out in style.
He jumps onto a ballista bolt, and triggers the firing mechanism...launching the bolt and riding it through the sky!
The party watches, jaws dropped, as the bolt disappears into the distance, the cackling of the mad Gnome echoing through the air before going soft and faint.
Tiefling Paladin: "Did...that just happen?"
The warriors across the battlements pause, and let out a thunderous war cry.
The Gnome Rune Knight enlarged himself (and that ballista), grabbing it in mid-air and stabbing it into the Tarrasque...it was like a splinter to it, but it was still an awesome moment.
The various wizards aiding us enchanted our party so they could either fly or run towards the Tarrasque at blinding speeds, while the army pelted the monster from afar.
Couldn't tell if any of this was having a lasting effect.
Long story short; an evil NPC betrays us and stops time, trying to harness the power of the Tarrasque...divine intervention occurs so our party is unaffected by the time stop...bad guy panics, interrupting the ritual...we kill the bad guy...Tarrasque gets sent to who-knows-where in time because of the botched ritual...which might have started the prophecy to begin with.
So I can say that...our DM definitely took some narrative-liberties with the encounter, simply to raise the stakes.
We were NOWHERE near the level to even conceivably take on a tarrasque fairly.
You get a d28 by rolling a d20 and a d9 and subtracting 1. You get a d9 by rolling 2d5-1. You get 2d5 by rolling 1d4+1d6. Easy! :P
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Ok, this is more of an anecdote. We were doing a ravnica campaign, and my izzet goblin's personality traits was "if you can guess what i'm gonna do, I've run out of imagination"
So because he is izzet we get a map to the orzhov vault we need to break into. Along the way to our base, the simic hybrid fighter tells my goblin that he should give us the map. I started eating the map.
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-Anders
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Not a quote, more of a story. Intro to campaign, in a tavern. Beautiful elf barmaid comes up. My halfling swashbuckler decides to flirt with her. Later, when she is bringing us our drinks, a huge half-orc hassles her. I try to intimidate the half-orc into leaving her alone. Now, remember, a halfling intimidating a half-orc. I shit you not, I got a nat 20. He takes one look at me, and instantly pisses his pants. Me, a 3ft tall halfling intimidating a 7ft tall half-orc. Needless to say, I took the barmaid to bed at the end of the night, and am thinking of making her his love interest for the rest of the campaign.
Do it! You should so totally do it! That's super cute!
- With all due respects, your friendly neighbourhood alchemist
"Call me Shump. Want a whiskey?"
-Shump, half-orc barbarian to the thugs who are driving him to their boss with a bag on his head
-Anders
Reminds me of the Bard who didn't know Infernal and tried to use someone's dissertation on the subject to speak it. (Rolled a 1.)
It came out as (paraphrase): "[Unintelligible] to you for the barely-acceptable food of nondescript naughty-pink mush. How to shortest distance directions to my sky-blue No. 2 pencil lavatory? I am pleased when your creator [unintelligible verb] my [unintelligible noun] for 5.288 hours. The schoolbus is yellow."
Have I ever mentioned how Infernal is an extremely precise legalese-inspired language?
(One word in Infernal means something very, very specific. Devils are always looking for loopholes to gain advantage. Hence, why Infernal exists - to create and avoid loopholes depending on how well one uses the language.)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
When in doubt, always offer a whiskey.
Side note: Always have whiskey with you.
Of course, he wasn't even proficient in brewer's supplies... and 8 intelligence
-Anders
I’m running Dragon of Icespire Peak and my party was getting close to Dragon Barrow. As they got near the Centaur NPC I initially described him as a humanoid on house back but expanded stating that they could see this was a mix of beast and man as they approached closer. One of my party member blurted out “it’s a reverse centaur” and showed off this image.
https://mobile.twitter.com/i/events/1159365389362483201
The ranger and I were laughing so hard that we had to end the session right there.
"Congrats. You have graduated from the College of Swords with honorary P.H.d in interpretative dance" this was after the bard invented the thriller to convince zombies that they were zombies, after the bard managed to convince armor that doesn't understand any languages that they were friends via interpretive dance
I exist, and I guess so does this
Genius.
she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
I needed to lighten the mood after the party blood hunter made a pact with asmodeus. I am the DM I'm this scenario
I exist, and I guess so does this
A Tarrasque approaches on the horizon, who's coming foretells the end of the civilization. Our (admittedly low-level) party had gathered with an army to make their final stand.
We stood atop the battlements of a fortress, lined with ballista. Though we had countless archers, wizards, and warriors...the situation was grim, and everyone was tense.
You know that D&D meme, where the leader of a group of knights points to the gargantuan monster and yells, "We can die as cowards, or die as heroes! The point is...THAT thing is going to kill us!"
It was basically like that.
So my Gnome Rune Knight Fighter figures that if he's going to die...he's going out in style.
He jumps onto a ballista bolt, and triggers the firing mechanism...launching the bolt and riding it through the sky!
The party watches, jaws dropped, as the bolt disappears into the distance, the cackling of the mad Gnome echoing through the air before going soft and faint.
Tiefling Paladin: "Did...that just happen?"
The warriors across the battlements pause, and let out a thunderous war cry.
They were going to die like heroes.
Did you win the fight?
I exist, and I guess so does this
The Gnome Rune Knight enlarged himself (and that ballista), grabbing it in mid-air and stabbing it into the Tarrasque...it was like a splinter to it, but it was still an awesome moment.
The various wizards aiding us enchanted our party so they could either fly or run towards the Tarrasque at blinding speeds, while the army pelted the monster from afar.
Couldn't tell if any of this was having a lasting effect.
Long story short; an evil NPC betrays us and stops time, trying to harness the power of the Tarrasque...divine intervention occurs so our party is unaffected by the time stop...bad guy panics, interrupting the ritual...we kill the bad guy...Tarrasque gets sent to who-knows-where in time because of the botched ritual...which might have started the prophecy to begin with.
So I can say that...our DM definitely took some narrative-liberties with the encounter, simply to raise the stakes.
We were NOWHERE near the level to even conceivably take on a tarrasque fairly.
Um... The tarrasque is immune to non-magical bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.
There is no dawn after eternal night.
Homebrew: Magic items, Subclasses
Rule of cool, Lightless One, rule of cool.
All the artillery was enchanted by our substantial brigade of druids & wizards, too.
"Roll up a metacharacter, you twatwaffles." - Me, the DM, moments before chaos ensued.
(There is no context here. No context for you!)
- With all due respects, your friendly neighbourhood alchemist
I bet they rolled a !
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
You get a d28 by rolling a d20 and a d9 and subtracting 1. You get a d9 by rolling 2d5-1. You get 2d5 by rolling 1d4+1d6. Easy! :P
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Ok, this is more of an anecdote. We were doing a ravnica campaign, and my izzet goblin's personality traits was "if you can guess what i'm gonna do, I've run out of imagination"
So because he is izzet we get a map to the orzhov vault we need to break into. Along the way to our base, the simic hybrid fighter tells my goblin that he should give us the map. I started eating the map.
-Anders