Kalev slightly reminds me of another fighter from a series, but that other character believes that killing "monsters" equals honor and as for "mercy"...
"Mercy? I'm far too brave to grant you mercy."
His definition of "monsters" is vague at best because he doesn't seem to really know what's a monster. He thinks all Orcs are monsters (even peaceful non-combatants), he killed a friendly water spirit thinking she was a monster - right in the middle of her spiel about rewarding him for a brave deed, but he doesn't know a cursed gargoyle is a monster and adopted one as a companion (against its will, but the curse prevents it from expressing that clearly, and despite the obvious flaw in its speech, the fighter is too thick to get it).
That fighter's favorite phrase is "ONWARD!!" at the top of his lungs - much to the dismay of a Wood Elf party member with excellent hearing - and she's thankful they got separated early on in the journey/quest/thing.
That series has another quixotic character - a violent barbarian tyrant king whose terrible, unspeakable tyrannical acts and decrees are actually acts of kindness and fairness to all.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Kalev slightly reminds me of another fighter from a series, but that other character believes that killing "monsters" equals honor and as for "mercy"...
"Mercy? I'm far too brave to grant you mercy."
His definition of "monsters" is vague at best because he doesn't seem to really know what's a monster. He thinks all Orcs are monsters (even peaceful non-combatants), he killed a friendly water spirit thinking she was a monster - right in the middle of her spiel about rewarding him for a brave deed, but he doesn't know a cursed gargoyle is a monster and adopted one as a companion (against its will, but the curse prevents it from expressing that clearly, and despite the obvious flaw in its speech, the fighter is too thick to get it).
That fighter's favorite phrase is "ONWARD!!" at the top of his lungs - much to the dismay of a Wood Elf party member with excellent hearing - and she's thankful they got separated early on in the journey/quest/thing.
That series has another quixotic character - a violent barbarian tyrant king whose terrible, unspeakable tyrannical acts and decrees are actually acts of kindness and fairness to all.
I feel really bad for the water spirit. :(
But now I'm curious about the benevolent rule of the violent tyrant. XD
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Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
He killed all the kings and queens in a region that was formerly a bunch of petty, bickering kingdoms. In a desperate move, the last of the kings and queens bound themselves to each other... and ended up being killed anyway and now all together possess one person at a time in their petty, bickering undeath - all together, one body.
They're constantly sending assassin's against the "Pretender King" who killed them. He dispatches the assassins in deft moves as if they were not more than a mosquito, and orders his minions to take care of the assassins' families - and not ironically - actually provide support for the families of the people who try to kill him. He rules with an iron fist, demanding that all children regardless of status will be given free education. He forces the people he's conquered into labor at libraries, daycares, and the like depending on their skills and they're paid well for it. If the conquered have no useful skills, he incarcerates them into free education programs with housing while they learn how to sustain themselves. He demands tributes only anyone feels generous. When any subjects offer worthy tribute, he'll distribute it among the poor and back to the contributor, too. ...but woe is to be if it's not worthy, for he'll send forth his militia to assist the families to help them grow and become prosperous.
Oh, such terrible times are these for the people cruelly yoked under the barbarian's rule!
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
He killed all the kings and queens in a region that was formerly a bunch of petty, bickering kingdoms. In a desperate move, the last of the kings and queens bound themselves to each other... and ended up being killed anyway and now all together possess one person at a time in their petty, bickering undeath - all together, one body.
They're constantly sending assassin's against the "Pretender King" who killed them. He dispatches the assassins in deft moves as if they were not more than a mosquito, and orders his minions to take care of the assassins' families - and not ironically - actually provide support for the families of the people who try to kill him. He rules with an iron fist, demanding that all children regardless of status will be given free education. He forces the people he's conquered into labor at libraries, daycares, and the like depending on their skills and they're paid well for it. If the conquered have no useful skills, he incarcerates them into free education programs with housing while they learn how to sustain themselves. He demands tributes only anyone feels generous. When any subjects offer worthy tribute, he'll distribute it among the poor and back to the contributor, too. ...but woe is to be if it's not worthy, for he'll send forth his militia to assist the families to help them grow and become prosperous.
Oh, such terrible times are these for the people cruelly yoked under the barbarian's rule!
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
Our party had a Tabaxi Swashbuckler whose name was "Drinks-from-Gourd".
We called him Gourd.
He sounded like Antonio Banderas from "The Expendables", would drink any alcohol he could get his paws on, and would captivate taverns with tales of his fantastic exploits...which typically happened the day before.
He was LEGENDARY.
He once chased down a pair of dwarves to buy flask of dwarven firewine to drink. They warned him that dwarven liquor was too much for non-dwarven races.
Gourd: "Do not worry, my friends...(proceeds to chug the whole flask)."
Gourd: "Ah...that it what they call...the "good-good."
(Rolls a Natural 1 on a Constitution saving throw)
(passes out in the street at night)
Later, our party had to gather information about potential danger from vampires on our airship, and Gourd goes to interrogate some workers in the engine room.
(Gourd kicks down door)
Gourd: THERE YOU ARE, YOU SONOVA B*TCH! YOU OWE ME MONEY...ha ha ha, my friends, I am kidding. I bring you strong drinks!
(Gourd hands out a variety of liquor, tosses each worker a gold coin, and ends up playing cards with them)
Far after that, our party ventures into a subterranean temple where several of our party members get abducted and are carried off into the tunnels by cultists, including Gourd.
When a Bandit/Thief on the side of the road says "You need to pay the road toll of 100gp to continue, pay up or face the consequences"
The Half-Orc Barbarian says "YOU CAN FIND YOUR GOLD ON THE END OF MY GREATAXE!!" and the Barbarian continues to swing his Greataxe at the Bandit decapitating him in the process.
Carnen looked at Durroth for a few seconds, and his look went to a more confused one... this was gonna be one of those cases... "Um... could you give more details? Like, what you were doing before you caught him, and such?"
Hmph. Details, details. He didn't care about details. Stone expression not changing in the slightest on the brass soldier's features, Durroth said nothing for a moment more. "Standing." He didn't necessarily see why it mattered, but it was an answer nonetheless.
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Damion Wild, Mark Of Storm Half-Elf, Druid (Circle Of Wildfire) 5, Monk 3
My party got attacked by a bunch of bandits on our way to Waterdeep. When the captain appeared, my character (Lawful Good human gunslinger), said, "Surrender now or I'll send your soul to the deepest depths of the Abyss!" No persuasion checks were rolled, but my DM complimented me on the mid-battle RP. Also, the bandit captain didn't surrender.
My Halfling Cleric was stabbed by an extra-dimensional dagger, transporting him to an unknown layer of the Abyss, leaving behind all his possessions.
So after standing for hours (nude, mind you!) in a shadowy realm where depraved voices whisper menacingly around him, a massive, hulking demon appears and presents a contract and demands my halfling sign.
My halfling says:
"This is an outrage! I have been waiting for hours! Let me speak to your MANAGER."
Long story short...he got to speak to the manager.
"As the party slowly recovers from the explosion, you see the rogue desperately trying to resuscitate the bear, slamming their fist down upon the animal's chest."
"As the smoke clears, the party witnesses a peculiar sight...the dwarf barbarian has her hand gripped firmly in the palm of an ogre. At first, you think the ogre is crushing her...but then you see the dwarf grinning fiercely, muscles bulging, and the ogre, bizarrely, doing the same."
I wish I could remember part of this word for word, but in yesterday's session, bandits demanded the party hand over their "carpet" (referring to the carpet of flying the party had previously acquired). The party pretended not to know what they were talking about, and the ranger, to try to distract them and maybe make them give up, began talking for an insanely long time about carpets and rugs and interior design.
After it went on for a while (I don't know how the player managed to keep coming up with things to say), another player, the druid, said, "Do they take psychic damage?" And a minute or two later, "Do we take psychic damage?"
If that's not funny, then maybe you just had to be there. XD
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Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken. Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing. Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan. Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer. Plays god on Saturdays.
Our Fighter sharpshooter was the image of a cowboy...complete with smoking pipe.
When a red dragon burned up all our stuff...including the Fighter's tobacco...our quest to save Chult was put on temporary pause as out Fighter frantically tried to find more tobacco.
We loot a storage room belonging to dragon cultists:
Fighter: (to DM) "...do I find tobacco in here?!"
DM: (sighs & rolls dice)
DM: "...you find banana leaves."
Fighter: "...can I smoke those?"
DM: "You may certainly try."
So our Fighter starts stuffing banana leaves into their pipe and smoking it, cursing.
When we reach the exit to the dungeon, we find an even larger storage room...and lo and behold, a peculiarly large case filled with tobacco, which our Fighter sniffs out like a bloodhound.
He snags it and celebrates like he found the Holy Grail.
Cleric: "Can we...please...go back to stopping the Death Curse, now?"
Fighter: "Yeah, sure, whatever...I can die happy now."
Our meager, low-level party is sent to investigate disturbances on the border of a settlement. We come across an old stone tower, and as our Rogue scouts ahead to investigate, they find it occupied by goblins.
Cue our valiant charge and storming up the tower, as goblin archers pelt our party and we fight our way up the spiral staircase to the top of the tower.
We are doing alright; though some bad rolls mean our party takes some hits, and as our barbarian and bard get to the top, we have three more goblins to deal with.
...so our bard decides to cast "Thunderwave".
The goblins are blown away by a loud, booming explosion, two falling off the edge, one getting "splat" upon the tower wall...but the frail, aging tower begins to crumble around us.
Our bard and barbarian scream as we are engulfed by the rubble of the collapsing tower.
When the smoke clears, our dexterity-savvy bard somehow managed to survive the saving throw, while our barbarian...was partially buried in the rock.
In the distance, we hear orcish war horns, probably alerted by the "Thunderwave" the bard cast, converging on the tower ruins.
The barbarian groans, barely alive.
Barbarian: "Did we...did we win?"
The bard looks looks between his wounded comrade, and the horde of orcs looming in the distance...judging.
Bard: "Yeah, buddy...we got 'em."
Barbarian: "Good..."
Bard: "Wait here...I'll go get the healer."
Barbarian: "...what are those horns?"
Bard: "That's the...cavalry. Back-up. They're hear to save us."
Barbarian: "(groans in pain)...urgh... good."
Bard: "I'm just...going to meet them half way."
...and the Bard goes running full-sprint in the opposite direction of the orcs, leaving the Barbarian behind.
"Am i closer to Hell then I am to the rest of the party?"
"About halfway"
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I am a human person very good at doing human person things, yes yes, i enjoy normal human person things like wearing clothes on my skin and walking with my leg, yes yes, am not a yuan-ti infiltrator, am human person
IF YOU'RE READING THIS GO WATCH INFINITY TRAIN ON HBOMAX
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Kalev slightly reminds me of another fighter from a series, but that other character believes that killing "monsters" equals honor and as for "mercy"...
"Mercy? I'm far too brave to grant you mercy."
His definition of "monsters" is vague at best because he doesn't seem to really know what's a monster. He thinks all Orcs are monsters (even peaceful non-combatants), he killed a friendly water spirit thinking she was a monster - right in the middle of her spiel about rewarding him for a brave deed, but he doesn't know a cursed gargoyle is a monster and adopted one as a companion (against its will, but the curse prevents it from expressing that clearly, and despite the obvious flaw in its speech, the fighter is too thick to get it).
That fighter's favorite phrase is "ONWARD!!" at the top of his lungs - much to the dismay of a Wood Elf party member with excellent hearing - and she's thankful they got separated early on in the journey/quest/thing.
That series has another quixotic character - a violent barbarian tyrant king whose terrible, unspeakable tyrannical acts and decrees are actually acts of kindness and fairness to all.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I feel really bad for the water spirit. :(
But now I'm curious about the benevolent rule of the violent tyrant. XD
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
He killed all the kings and queens in a region that was formerly a bunch of petty, bickering kingdoms. In a desperate move, the last of the kings and queens bound themselves to each other... and ended up being killed anyway and now all together possess one person at a time in their petty, bickering undeath - all together, one body.
They're constantly sending assassin's against the "Pretender King" who killed them. He dispatches the assassins in deft moves as if they were not more than a mosquito, and orders his minions to take care of the assassins' families - and not ironically - actually provide support for the families of the people who try to kill him. He rules with an iron fist, demanding that all children regardless of status will be given free education. He forces the people he's conquered into labor at libraries, daycares, and the like depending on their skills and they're paid well for it. If the conquered have no useful skills, he incarcerates them into free education programs with housing while they learn how to sustain themselves. He demands tributes only anyone feels generous. When any subjects offer worthy tribute, he'll distribute it among the poor and back to the contributor, too. ...but woe is to be if it's not worthy, for he'll send forth his militia to assist the families to help them grow and become prosperous.
Oh, such terrible times are these for the people cruelly yoked under the barbarian's rule!
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
LOL ... Nice.
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
Our party had a Tabaxi Swashbuckler whose name was "Drinks-from-Gourd".
We called him Gourd.
He sounded like Antonio Banderas from "The Expendables", would drink any alcohol he could get his paws on, and would captivate taverns with tales of his fantastic exploits...which typically happened the day before.
He was LEGENDARY.
He once chased down a pair of dwarves to buy flask of dwarven firewine to drink. They warned him that dwarven liquor was too much for non-dwarven races.
Gourd: "Do not worry, my friends...(proceeds to chug the whole flask)."
Gourd: "Ah...that it what they call...the "good-good."
(Rolls a Natural 1 on a Constitution saving throw)
(passes out in the street at night)
Later, our party had to gather information about potential danger from vampires on our airship, and Gourd goes to interrogate some workers in the engine room.
(Gourd kicks down door)
Gourd: THERE YOU ARE, YOU SONOVA B*TCH! YOU OWE ME MONEY...ha ha ha, my friends, I am kidding. I bring you strong drinks!
(Gourd hands out a variety of liquor, tosses each worker a gold coin, and ends up playing cards with them)
Far after that, our party ventures into a subterranean temple where several of our party members get abducted and are carried off into the tunnels by cultists, including Gourd.
Gourd: "TELL THE WORLD MY STORY...!!"
When a Bandit/Thief on the side of the road says "You need to pay the road toll of 100gp to continue, pay up or face the consequences"
The Half-Orc Barbarian says "YOU CAN FIND YOUR GOLD ON THE END OF MY GREATAXE!!" and the Barbarian continues to swing his Greataxe at the Bandit decapitating him in the process.
"A Jack Of All Trades is a master of none"
'That's why I hate Bards'
This:
Carnen looked at Durroth for a few seconds, and his look went to a more confused one... this was gonna be one of those cases... "Um... could you give more details? Like, what you were doing before you caught him, and such?"
Hmph. Details, details. He didn't care about details. Stone expression not changing in the slightest on the brass soldier's features, Durroth said nothing for a moment more. "Standing." He didn't necessarily see why it mattered, but it was an answer nonetheless.
Damion Wild, Mark Of Storm Half-Elf, Druid (Circle Of Wildfire) 5, Monk 3
My party got attacked by a bunch of bandits on our way to Waterdeep. When the captain appeared, my character (Lawful Good human gunslinger), said, "Surrender now or I'll send your soul to the deepest depths of the Abyss!" No persuasion checks were rolled, but my DM complimented me on the mid-battle RP. Also, the bandit captain didn't surrender.
Wait, they did that AGAIN!?
My Halfling Cleric was stabbed by an extra-dimensional dagger, transporting him to an unknown layer of the Abyss, leaving behind all his possessions.
So after standing for hours (nude, mind you!) in a shadowy realm where depraved voices whisper menacingly around him, a massive, hulking demon appears and presents a contract and demands my halfling sign.
My halfling says:
"This is an outrage! I have been waiting for hours! Let me speak to your MANAGER."
Long story short...he got to speak to the manager.
"As the party slowly recovers from the explosion, you see the rogue desperately trying to resuscitate the bear, slamming their fist down upon the animal's chest."
"As the smoke clears, the party witnesses a peculiar sight...the dwarf barbarian has her hand gripped firmly in the palm of an ogre. At first, you think the ogre is crushing her...but then you see the dwarf grinning fiercely, muscles bulging, and the ogre, bizarrely, doing the same."
"Almost like they're...shaking hands."
Natural 20 on a Persuasion roll. ; )
I wish I could remember part of this word for word, but in yesterday's session, bandits demanded the party hand over their "carpet" (referring to the carpet of flying the party had previously acquired). The party pretended not to know what they were talking about, and the ranger, to try to distract them and maybe make them give up, began talking for an insanely long time about carpets and rugs and interior design.
After it went on for a while (I don't know how the player managed to keep coming up with things to say), another player, the druid, said, "Do they take psychic damage?" And a minute or two later, "Do we take psychic damage?"
If that's not funny, then maybe you just had to be there. XD
Maximilian "Mad Max" Oceanus, transmutation wizard, best known for being on the team that saved the universe from Kozelak's infinite hunger, and also an avenger of the Unspoken.
Olaf Ericsson, a jolly ranger with a bit of an anger problem. Also likes to sing.
Yaethel Akeelan, a druid with a plan; a very, very big plan.
Damien Rook, full time author, part time adventurer.
Plays god on Saturdays.
Our Fighter sharpshooter was the image of a cowboy...complete with smoking pipe.
When a red dragon burned up all our stuff...including the Fighter's tobacco...our quest to save Chult was put on temporary pause as out Fighter frantically tried to find more tobacco.
We loot a storage room belonging to dragon cultists:
Fighter: (to DM) "...do I find tobacco in here?!"
DM: (sighs & rolls dice)
DM: "...you find banana leaves."
Fighter: "...can I smoke those?"
DM: "You may certainly try."
So our Fighter starts stuffing banana leaves into their pipe and smoking it, cursing.
When we reach the exit to the dungeon, we find an even larger storage room...and lo and behold, a peculiarly large case filled with tobacco, which our Fighter sniffs out like a bloodhound.
He snags it and celebrates like he found the Holy Grail.
Cleric: "Can we...please...go back to stopping the Death Curse, now?"
Fighter: "Yeah, sure, whatever...I can die happy now."
Our meager, low-level party is sent to investigate disturbances on the border of a settlement. We come across an old stone tower, and as our Rogue scouts ahead to investigate, they find it occupied by goblins.
Cue our valiant charge and storming up the tower, as goblin archers pelt our party and we fight our way up the spiral staircase to the top of the tower.
We are doing alright; though some bad rolls mean our party takes some hits, and as our barbarian and bard get to the top, we have three more goblins to deal with.
...so our bard decides to cast "Thunderwave".
The goblins are blown away by a loud, booming explosion, two falling off the edge, one getting "splat" upon the tower wall...but the frail, aging tower begins to crumble around us.
Our bard and barbarian scream as we are engulfed by the rubble of the collapsing tower.
When the smoke clears, our dexterity-savvy bard somehow managed to survive the saving throw, while our barbarian...was partially buried in the rock.
In the distance, we hear orcish war horns, probably alerted by the "Thunderwave" the bard cast, converging on the tower ruins.
The barbarian groans, barely alive.
Barbarian: "Did we...did we win?"
The bard looks looks between his wounded comrade, and the horde of orcs looming in the distance...judging.
Bard: "Yeah, buddy...we got 'em."
Barbarian: "Good..."
Bard: "Wait here...I'll go get the healer."
Barbarian: "...what are those horns?"
Bard: "That's the...cavalry. Back-up. They're hear to save us."
Barbarian: "(groans in pain)...urgh... good."
Bard: "I'm just...going to meet them half way."
...and the Bard goes running full-sprint in the opposite direction of the orcs, leaving the Barbarian behind.
Alexander Seabreeze III: my name is Alexander Seabreeze III, and this is my partner. *he points to the Male High Elf Wizard Artificer Carric Liadon*
Councilor 1: Wait so you two a thing?
Carric: W-What n-no!!
Councilor 2: Don't worry, we are a progressive town.
Alexander: N-No I mean like he's a party member!
Upon rescuing a Unicorn.
Unicorn: "Thank you, I'm Mooncolor!"
Changeling Bard: "You are so pretty, I want to ride you!"
Unicorn: "Are you a lawful good female virgin?"
Changeling Bard: "I could be."
Our party had ended up in Hell; and we were speaking to Glasyia, an Archdevil, who planned on invading the Material Plane with her Infernal army.
My character, a Warlock, says:
"But aren't you worried about Mt. Celestia?"
Glasyia starts laughing.
Her minions in the throne room start laughing.
...then the Bard & Rogue start laughing, pointing at my Warlock.
Even the Cleric starts laughing.
The laughter goes on for about a minute, then starts to die slowly down.
Glasyia wipes a tear from her eye.
"...no."
Our party had a Hound Archon travelling with us...basically a heavenly, Lawful Good, humanoid warrior with a dog-shaped head.
When we have to go into town, our bard asks:
"What do we do about McGruff the Crime Dog, here?"
From a Descent Into Avernus game:
"Am I in Hell yet?"
"No"
"Am i closer to Hell then I am to the rest of the party?"
"About halfway"
I am a human person very good at doing human person things, yes yes, i enjoy normal human person things like wearing clothes on my skin and walking with my leg, yes yes, am not a yuan-ti infiltrator, am human person
IF YOU'RE READING THIS GO WATCH INFINITY TRAIN ON HBOMAX