I slash at the eishalon with a pickax hitting it along its cleavage plain (becuse it is made of diamond meaning it has one) and ask the shopkeeper why he does not do stuff like what he did to the devil to the godmodder
I pop a heal and examine the yellow water, looking out for traps or ambushes.
you find this in the water, a clump of sand around it: (The animation plays backwards for some reason and i don't know why. it's supposed to be sand falling away, not rising into the air.) No traps or anything in the cave. enemies are rare here, remember. also, heal spell cast! (rolled 1 on mana, so full cost.) [+33 ❤] (pulse 3)
Cuphead is continuing along on his journey, he’s made it up to inkwell isle 3, which means he’s got quite a bit going for him. If he can keep going at this rate, he’ll have all the contracts in no time. The shopkeep sits back, it’s almost time to intervene, but not quite yet, he needs to let cuphead grow in power just a bit more so that he’ll be stronger when he gets summoned to the field as someone else’s lackey for once. And then suddenly, as Cuphead is walking along the island, preparing for his next bout, a burst of fire lights up, and the Devil appears. The shopkeeper jolts upright and peers forward, this… this isn’t part of the script. He watches in growing worry as the Devil unfolds his arms and leans down, eyeing Cuphead. “Alright half pint, your time’s up, you have those contracts yet?” “What? No! I’ve been collecting them as fast as possible, I haven’t had time!” “Hmph, that’s too bad for you I suppose, I’m coming to collect.” “You can’t do that, we had a-” “A deal? The deal was you’d get all the contracts, and you haven’t done that, now have you?” The Shopkeeper stands up and reaches into one of his coat pockets as Cuphead tries to stammer out an objection, but the Devil sweeps him up, and holds him by one hand. “You’re in debt, and you didn’t make the pay in time, well, now it’s time to-” The Devil is interrupted by the shopkeeper appearing behind him with a flash. “Oh? Who is this now, friend of yours?” “uh… n-no, I don’t know who-” “Hmph, fine. What do you want?” The shopkeeper looks the Devil, who is several times taller than him, up and down. He cricks his neck to one side, and then the other, before cracking his knuckles. “I’m here because you’re not supposed to come out and grab the little ceramic just yet.” “And why not? The devil can’t have debts himself?” The shopkeeper raises an eyebrow. “Well, under normal circumstances, sure you’d be fine, but you happen to have happened across the one that I’ve been putting extra amounts of effort into, and I kind of need him alive.” The Devil laughs, a cold, evil laugh. “And what makes you think you can stop me?” “Well, I was going to offer you a trade, but if you want to do it the hard way I can certainly oblige you.” The Devil leans forward, giving a close eyeball to the Shopkeeper, who looks up at him, then leans back, and before the Devil can react, materializes a pitchfork in the pulled back hand, and jams it into the Devil’s eye. The Devil screeches and recoils, nearly dropping cuphead. He massages his eye and looks down at the shopkeeper, who folds his arms, glaring at the devil. The shopkeeper speaks first. “So are you gonna put him down or do I have to beat you senseless?” The Devil scowls. “If you want the kid you’ll have to take him from me, meet me in inkwell hell if you want to ever see him again.” The Devil reaches up and pulls at himself, transforming into a mighty serpent that flies away off into the distance, clutching a screaming cuphead. The shopkeep watches the Devil fly off and rolls his eyes, looks like he’s got work to do. This better work out, he’s gonna be real pissed if he blew 30 charge on someone who was just up and gonna get kidnapped and then killed before he could activate it all. So the shopkeeper opens a portal and hops through it.
An hour or so later, in the depths of inkwell hell... The Devil ruminates on his recent humiliation and intended revenge. “Hmph, I wonder how long it’ll take for that freak to ge-” “Hello were you talking about me?” “WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?” “Nowhere and everywhere at the same time.” “For that alone I should squash you.” “Try if you want, I’m out of your league.” “We’ll see how smart that mouth of yours is when it’s smeared across the floor.”
The Shopkeep doffs his coat onto the floor, and it gets up and crawls offscreen as the Devil leans in and does sort of like his intro animation in the normal bossfight against him in cuphead, except the pupils start showing the shopkeep getting run through with spikes, except it doesn't finish because the shopkeep jams another pitchfork in the Devil’s eye with one hand, eating a piece of conjured toast with the other. He is very clearly not worried about the Devil in the slightest. The Devil sits back into his throne, pulling the pitchfork out and glaring with his other eye as the Shopkeep sorta goes into combat-slouch mode.
And Begin!
The Devil immediately twirls his trident, and conjures up several balls of fire that bounce around the portion of the arena that the Shopkeep is in, the shopkeep doesn’t seem fazed at all, he nonchalantly sidesteps them as they come past, seeming to be prepping for a proper attack on the Devil, mostly just stopping to occasionally pelt the Devil with potatoes, doing bits and pieces of scratch damage, until finally he pulls a massive leek out of his pocket, and winds up, a sort of baseball pitcher motion, and swings around, slamming it into one of the fireballs, causing it to ricochet around the arena and slam into the Devil, who, not expecting it, almost falls out of his chair. As the Devil starts to climb back into his throne, several smaller demons start coming in with bombs, which the Shopkeeper looks at with a bored look on his face, before snapping his fingers and backflipping into the air as a massive combine harvester rumbles across the screen, grinding up all of the little demonlings as they come out. The shopkeep lands, and the Devil, halfway into his throne again, just sort of stares at the mess left by the combine harvester crossing the stage. The shopkeep looks back at the devil and raises an eyebrow. “Well?” The Devil scowls and stamps his trident on the ground as he climbs back into his seat, and a bunch of crystal spheres appear and begin circling around, to which the shopkeep responds by pulling out a lamp and some sunglasses. He steps out of the way of one of the crystal spheres, puts on the sunglasses then removes the lampshade and turns on the lamp. The light shines extremely brightly, and the Devil has to cover his eyes, then while the Devil is distracted, the Shopkeeper activates catlike speed, and launches through all the crystal spheres at once with a single attack that shatters all of them. The Devil uncovers his eyes and just stares slack jawed at the goings on, this insolent buffoon is making a fool out of him and negating all his attacks! This isn’t how this fight was supposed to go, in the slightest. The Devil decides to try attacking more directly, and transforms into a massive serpent, snaking around his throne and then shooting out the side, coming back in to try and attack the Shopkeep that way, the shopkeeper raises his hand, and a massive playing card flips him around and out of sight, the Devil stops, and suddenly realizes he is surrounded by a field of playing cards of different suits, he immediately untransforms, searching around for the shopkeep, only for the shopkeep to flip back into existence on the far side of the playing cards, and point, causing the playing cards to slice through the Devil at high speed. The Devil staggers back to his throne, and then extends his arms out, reaching to try and grab the shopkeep, who flips out of their reach, and begins leading them on a chase around the arena, all over the place, until they crisscross the entire screen to a ridiculous extent. Suddenly, the Devil realizes he’s stuck, he’s tied his arms into a knot. The shopkeep stands back and laughs, then cups his hands over his mouth and makes a peculiar sound. Then the floor begins to rumble. The Devil looks around fearfully as the rumbling gets louder and louder as he tries to untangle his arms. The shopkeep pulls back a sleeve and looks at his watch as the Devil finally finishes getting himself untangled, just in time for the wave of mini mammoths to knock the wall down, and charge into the room, knocking over the throne and trampling all over the Devil. The Devil lets out a blast of fire, burning the mini mammoths away and climbing to his feet, picking up his trident. “ALRIGHT. This tomfoolery’s gone on LONG ENOUGH.” The shopkeep yawns. “‘bout time you stopped messing around. I was worried you wouldn’t actually put up a fight.” The Devil roars and charges forward with his trident, which the shopkeep jumps up on top of, runs up, and before the Devil can respond, sticks another pitchfork in his eye. The Devil howls and swings and thrusts, trying to catch the overly speedy shopkeep, but no matter how hard he tries, he just can’t seem to land a hit. “You know for someone who calls himself the devil, you’re not that intimidating. Oh well, time to finish this up.” The shopkeep hops up on top of the Devil’s head, and flips off, twisting in the air, forming his hands into a hadouken shape, the Devil whirls around just in time to be blasted off the side of the screen, his trident twirling in the air where he was standing before it lands point down in the ground. The shopkeep walks towards the edge of the screen. “Did I kill him? I could’ve sworn there were more phases after this.” Behind him, the Devil jumps into a hole in the ground, and the shopkeep whirls around just in time to catch the tail end of him. “Hmph, right, that.” The shopkeep walks over to the hole in the ground and hops in. He lands down on top of a massive poker chip, five of them hovering in front of the devil’s now-gigantified head. “Let’s see you negate my attacks now!” The shopkeep slouches and groans. “You know what, this has gotten boring, I’m just going to kill you now.” “You’re what.” The shopkeep backflips off of the platform as the flaming poker chips come raining down to start damaging him. Halfway into his arc, the shopkeep does a somersault and comes out of it no longer a middle aged man, but instead a massive black and purple dragon. The Devil has barely any time to respond before the shopkeep, now in dragon form, charges forward, breathing purple flames the entire way, turning into a massive purple meteor that slams into the Devil in a massive head-on collision.
Knockout!
The shopkeep hops up out of the hole in the ground as it slowly begins to close, and looks up at Cuphead in his cage, staring in total awe at the shopkeep. “Uhh… uh… am I free to go then?” “No, ownership of your contract has passed to me.” If cuphead could go pale, he would. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to make you take your friend’s contracts, all of theirs, including your brother’s, contracts are now null and void. They’re off scot free. I just need something from you.” Cuphead gulps. “Uh… what do you need?” “Basically the same thing your previous employer did, I need you to kill people for me. Well, not for me, for someone else, basically, you’ve been drafted.” “...” “Hey, your brother gets off scot free at the very least, what did you expect when you went off gambling your soul for a cruddy casino, anyways?”
personally, what I found the most amusing was the repeated instances of 'the shopkeeper jams a pitchfork in his eye'. as you pull cuphead along, he asks you one more question. the following is the gist, as opposed to exact words, since i have no clue what cupheads mannerisms are. “Can I go home after it's done?” Regardless of your answer, that was amusing and does indeed solve the logical puzzle, so... hm... It's not quite as good as I expected (though my expectations were, admittedly, vague, and given that, probably unrealistic), so +4.6 charge in the reward.
I order my minion to facepalm for me because of my stupidity. Then I let the minion explore the house while I summon my discord avatar again for a more elaborate description of the way to the mentioned red crypt with a lone survivor.
the minion finds a dining room with an interesting carpet pattern, servants quarters, carvings on the wall that read "Another day another month another year Help!" , a cupboard under the stairs, it can't reach some stuff on the second floor due to the hole made by the falling chandelier, and it also finds a small enclosed courtyard and a backdoor of the house, leading to... whatever's behind the house. you haven't looked out any of those windows yet. your avatar-summoning falls through due to a combination of repetitiveness and your minion reporting mid-attempt.
the hammer is no longer equipped. you have free use of your arms again.
[SQ-Reward] Ornate Box. needs to be opened. [AG] Godmodder body [P] Booksbooks3 41/100 HP. within field , electricity proof, invisible. Golden non-squeaky hammer(in inventory)!
Oof, I feel like I got less charge than I was expected, but at the same time I had no idea how much to expect. Although I would like to point out a thing in hopes of getting extra charge. You had the puzzle for me of how to try and get the contract from the Devil. I beat the snot out of him, and took the contract by force. I think that counts as solved. :V Though that does leave the (intentionally) unresolved problem of the internal timeline of the Cuphead universe screwed up.
The shopkeep stops for a moment. "I... don't know. Maybe, depends entirely on my client really."
35/35 for Gettin' Mugged 0.6/45 for The Wrong Trousers
Cuphead has been summoned as an entity for Aeisenberg!
Cuphead is a pretty hefty entity, the same strength as the enderdragon even, previously the largest player-summoned entity ever. But, he doesn't have tons of health, instead he has a very large dodge pool. He still has a fair amount of health, being minor boss-strengthed and all, but he's got very high dodge as his primary thing. He also has an attack gimmick, every round, he uses a different attack. They cycle between themselves in order, so the same attack gets used every three rounds. They are: Basic: focuses all the attack power onto one target. Spread: splits the damage between three different targets. Chaser: deals lightish damage to two different targets, but also negates dodge to a certain extent (determined by JOE)
Finally, Cuphead has a 4 round charge "Charged shot" which does something different depending on which attack he uses it instead of (yes, it uses up cuphead's action.) If used over basic, it just launches a vanilla high-powered charged attack. If used over spread, It hits every enemy on the field. Twice. If used over chaser, it gives Cuphead automatic counterattack to every attacker for 2 rounds.
A cupboard under the stairs... could it be that... Markus Twain = Young Harry Potter ?! Should Harry decide to murder the Minion... well that would be lethal for him. I want him to stay alive tho. I pull out the "secret sauce" from Nqwvindles Sauce shop (I am not sponsored by any Mqloims) and pour it on my middle finger, which elongates to enormous proportions with additional joints and functional Mqloimidi-enhanced muscles to stay functional. I use my elongated middle finger as probe to see what is in the cupboard.
I force--feed the godmodder 100% instant death guaranteed pills and throw a letter through a poetal leading to Inkwell hell or where ewer the shokeep is asking him why he never attacks the godmodder directly
The shopkeep has returned to the battlefield by this point, and catches the letter as it's coming through the portal he's using, reads it, and then tosses it over his shoulder, responding to Algot with: "Because that's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to sell things, killing people's really only going to happen incidentally to that."
To Aeisenberg he responds: "No problem. It's what I'm here for, and you've been a fantastic customer."
((OOC: I don't mind you taking up lots of charges. You haven't actually been putting in [i]too[/i] many charges, and to be honest I wish I could get these out a little faster. Dropping me charges here and there is greatly appreciated.))
((You've barely been making the bare minimum required for deliveries, if having to pay one ninth of the power level of an entity is going to intimidate people, then one tenth like you've been doing isn't likely to be much better.))
A giant rumble from the ground takes place... the ship flys into the sky, and a cannon orbits the sun. Ladies and gentlemen... the Excalium Orbital Cannon.
Excalium Orbital Cannon 150/150 HP CHARGE GAUGE [||||||||||||||||||||] (Has a charge gauge that increases by 1 every turn, holds 20 charges. The cannon may expend all of it's charges to fire on a position via teleportation magic. The laser does 15*charge number damage. Extra 50 damage if fully charged. You can decide to not take a charge in exchange for a damage increase of +15 this turn. Buffs are shared with owner. Highly resistant to ground attacks)
The Excalium Orbital Cannon begins to charge...
auto-balancing... Autobalance complete! adding comments... Done! displaying results... Excalium Orbital Cannon 15200/15200 HP Charge Gauge [IIIIIIII] 1/20, 35A chargequest-given abilities (Free) Portable Portalable shot: owner can use its attack alongside their own action, within their turn, at the cost of its ability to attack later. all suitable buffs to either being apply. Orbiting Sun: slight resistance to attacks by grounded beings player-provided stats +1535 storable attack per turn. Storage is useful, so slight reduction in attack value is understandable. +50 damage if charge gauge is full and being expended (In the unlikely event of surviving 20 turns, this is a 8.333333% increase, and is balanced by the high risk of satellite death faster then 20 rounds(andthattheexistanceofthisabilitymayleadtonotfiringeverbeforedeath.) Can choose not to make any charge in exchange for doing a 35-damage attack. ameliorates inelasticity somewhat. "Highly resistant to ground attacks" (misinterpretation of chargequest- buff. only light resistance to ground attacks.) Summoning complete!
(OOC: MAJOR PROPS, Piono, that was great, I can tell how much effort you put in. Great work!)
I am horrified by the Eishalon's enjoyment. I recoil in horror, and throw a snayptic static at the eishalon. now, I project the sound a microphone makes when placed near a speaker.
it will now roll 2 lower on damage mite rolls. woo?
I slash at the eishalon with a pickax hitting it along its cleavage plain (becuse it is made of diamond meaning it has one) and ask the shopkeeper why he does not do stuff like what he did to the devil to the godmodder
Oof, I feel like I got less charge than I was expected, but at the same time I had no idea how much to expect. Although I would like to point out a thing in hopes of getting extra charge. You had the puzzle for me of how to try and get the contract from the Devil. I beat the snot out of him, and took the contract by force. I think that counts as solved. :V Though that does leave the (intentionally) unresolved problem of the internal timeline of the Cuphead universe screwed up.
The shopkeep stops for a moment. "I... don't know. Maybe, depends entirely on my client really."
35/35 for Gettin' Mugged 0.6/45 for The Wrong Trousers
Cuphead has been summoned as an entity for Aeisenberg!
Cuphead is a pretty hefty entity, the same strength as the enderdragon even, previously the largest player-summoned entity ever. But, he doesn't have tons of health, instead he has a very large dodge pool. He still has a fair amount of health, being minor boss-strengthed and all, but he's got very high dodge as his primary thing. He also has an attack gimmick, every round, he uses a different attack. They cycle between themselves in order, so the same attack gets used every three rounds. They are: Basic: focuses all the attack power onto one target. Spread: splits the damage between three different targets. Chaser: deals lightish damage to two different targets, but also negates dodge to a certain extent (determined by JOE)
Finally, Cuphead has a 4 round charge "Charged shot" which does something different depending on which attack he uses it instead of (yes, it uses up cuphead's action.) If used over basic, it just launches a vanilla high-powered charged attack. If used over spread, It hits every enemy on the field. Twice. If used over chaser, it gives Cuphead automatic counterattack to every attacker for 2 rounds.
to be fair, the only time we discussed possible reward amounts for this quest on discord, I said it could end up around +5. which it more-or-less did Cuphead 85/85 HP 75% dodge 68 is base-A... [thinking occurs off-update, now waiting for aeisen-input]
I force--feed the godmodder 100% instant death guaranteed pills and throw a letter through a poetal leading to Inkwell hell or where ewer the shokeep is asking him why he never attacks the godmodder directly
you feed him the pills! sadly, you made them too well: the Godmodders stomach acids, as suppressed as he intentionally makes them, can't dissolve the outer casing, and it doesn't activate.
"Glad to have you on board, Cup-kid! (OOC: I'll stop hogging all the charges, now. Heh.)
"Guess I'm a pretty special customer. Thanks again, Shopkeep!"
I give Cuphead some bardic inspiration.
you give Cuphead some bardic inspiration. he can now add 1D25 to a dodge roll, based on a criteria you provide. Cuphead then asks a question: “You're their client, right? can I go home after this's done?”
Perry... probably attacks a retainer of folly. 8, 9, 13. he gets the perfect rolls to kill all 3 retainers of folly. Cuphead is mostly standing around, having not been given any orders. also, not having his stats completed. The Excalium Orbital Cannon orbits the sun, gaining 1 charge. the radiation enforcer proceeds to aim on... some dark smoke wafting in the air? alright... LOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE: HAH HAH! YOU DID NOT AVOID MY OVERHEAD SWING CHARGE ATTACK OF DOOM! I AM KILL YOU VERY HARD! actually, you only get to do 40 damage, -10 from AC. LOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE: WELL I WILL SPINNY ATTACK YOU! I'm nowhere near you. LOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE: SPINNY LOG ATTACK OF KILLING! ....mhm. Well, he doesn't seem to be aiming all that much, but there's a good chance he'll run into someone by accident. maybe stop him somehoLOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE: I AM UNSTOPPABLE!yes yes thats very nice. The Godmodder jumps into a hole in the ground. after a while, he hops out of the hole in the ground as it slowly begins to close. nothing happens thereafter. whatever the godmodder was trying to do, it looks like he failed at it. The Godmodder also , and reducing the amount of power he has on hand.
[GM] Godmodder: 285 /300 HP4/4 5/5 Do you feel like wolf kabob Roth vantage? On his hopping high horse, which he is also wielding as a dire chain? [AG-Shard II]Eishalon II - Manifest OfFolly 2 damage mites 100% Shadiamond (highly damage resistant -2, will probably return to cause problems eventually..?) retainer of Folly x0 1 dm .2 dma (0% shadiamond) [A] Perry the Platypus 23/200 HP 10AC (+5 HP per turn) 30A owned by aeisenberg. 75% diamond (cannot increase) [A] Cuphead 85/85 HP 75% dodge [Basic | Spread x3 | Chaser 20%Dneg ] 1/4 EX move, shadiamond proof! owned by aisenberg. [A] Tarasque portal (100% Clogged by diamond statues of Tarasque.) [OG] Excalium Orbital Cannon 200/200 HP Charge Gauge [IIIIIIII] 1/20, 35A (weak resistance to grounded attacks. portalshot ) owned by goldhero [OG] faithful Dog 200/100HP -33 to incoming damage! Solid diamondnotLoyal to Aeisenberg Mastema [AG] LOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE 120/120 HP Log Grip: 50% Log Durability: 100% Average attack: 35 State: Spinny log attack, random target. 10% shadiamond. [AG-A] Radiation enforcer (aimed somewhere) [AOOGA]Zombie assassin level 16 320/320 HP invis again! [IIIIIIIIII] 50% radioactive
Piono: 74% shadiamond (invis) Carleah: 95% shadiamond Aeisenberg: Flex tape rapier (minor attack buff) injured. 100% shadiamond, 100% crystalized, Favour of the Deva. Evonix: 75% shadiamond. transparent, meaning shadiamond will not further harm them. Algot: 34% shadiamond. well fed. Goldhello: lite injruy. Acerac: dead (must make 1 post to return). Caaaaarl (.5 AP), tunnelbuild sidequest exists (10 ). 8 Soul points. GENE: slep. blackjack warrior. dulled voidshard (permanent) spider corpse, Warp organ, 13mrald-goop,zombie mage corpse
you find within it this (without any bits of background that leak through, that is) It's shaped almost like a goblet, but the top is partially covered by a green dome. it appears to be made of mundane materials- stone, glass, foliage, and some lumber- but you can clearly feel the magic coming from it, whatever it is. the materials are unnaturally hard- the folliage is an exception in that it can be bent, but it cannot break or bend too far, from what you could tell just from cursory examination. well, it wouldn't be here if it wasn't valuable, right? ...well, unless the Godmodder is smart enough to put a decoy behind all the traps, and make the actually valuable thing the floor or the box or something, but if you're worried about that you can just bring everything inside the annihilation field with you. plus, if he was doing that, he would probably make the purpose more obvious, or at least make it seem more ornate. anyway! SIDEQUEST COMPLETE! Rewards:
A cupboard under the stairs... could it be that... Markus Twain = Young Harry Potter ?! Should Harry decide to murder the Minion... well that would be lethal for him. I want him to stay alive tho. I pull out the "secret sauce" from Nqwvindles Sauce shop (I am not sponsored by any Mqloims) and pour it on my middle finger, which elongates to enormous proportions with additional joints and functional Mqloimidi-enhanced muscles to stay functional. I use my elongated middle finger as probe to see what is in the cupboard.
nope, the harry potter reference is entirely meaningless... either that, or a different inhabitant was there. twain owns the mannor, so obviously he's not young, and he was the founder of the twain group, so ye. The cupboard is entirely useless; its contents are some cracks letting you see the entrance through the stairs, and a cake.
If I can't find M. Twain, maybe he can find me? I put more sauce on my middle finger, which makes it glow and grow. Soon you can see it from far away, a blinking, very long middle finger that sends following message over and over again:
An entity tab pops up on my interface. Huh. Must be because I have the Excalium Orbital Cannon now.
Entities:
Excalium Orbital Cannon 200/200 HP Charge Gauge [IIIIIIII] 2/20, 35A
Portable Portalable shot: owner can use its attack alongside their own action, within their turn, at the cost of its ability to attack later. all suitable buffs to either being apply. Orbiting Sun: slight resistance to attacks by grounded beings
The Cannon continues to build charge while I begin work on something new...
I'm going to start putting the max and min price tags on the charges so people know how much they can get charged and how much they need to claim it. I'll fix up the formatting when I get a computer tomorrow.
2.6/45 for The Wrong Trousers. Lowest acceptable price: 4.5 credits. Highest you might be charged: 22.5 credits.
I slash at the eishalon with a pickax hitting it along its cleavage plain (becuse it is made of diamond meaning it has one) and ask the shopkeeper why he does not do stuff like what he did to the devil to the godmodder
you find this in the water, a clump of sand around it:
(The animation plays backwards for some reason and i don't know why. it's supposed to be sand falling away, not rising into the air.)
No traps or anything in the cave. enemies are rare here, remember.
also, heal spell cast! (rolled 1 on mana, so full cost.)
[+33 ❤]
(pulse 3)
[40-Ma] Woobydoobydoo 367/597 ❤, pulse for 3 Equipped:
stick- Cool staff bro (unidentified)(two-handed) ? damage,
hat- corrupt beast's jaw (unidentified)(150 hp, min ~13 str, - 9 regen)
Chestplate- Shining gold chestplate (+247 HP) 8 soul Points 14/20 ✹ 37257/46000 XP Bubbles! (10 regen, thorns X) known spells: Heal (R-L-R), Teleport (R-R-R), Meteor (R-L-L), Ice snake (R-R-L)
Buffs: 15% crit chance, +15% non-crit damage, -14% to incoming damage, 14% dodge chance, -15% mana cost (random rounding), +15% ✹, ✦,
Wobbydoobydoo : sand-covered thing, beast jaw, cool staff bro, bbls, shining gold chestplate, unidentified leggings
personally, what I found the most amusing was the repeated instances of 'the shopkeeper jams a pitchfork in his eye'.
as you pull cuphead along, he asks you one more question. the following is the gist, as opposed to exact words, since i have no clue what cupheads mannerisms are.
“Can I go home after it's done?”
Regardless of your answer, that was amusing and does indeed solve the logical puzzle, so... hm...
It's not quite as good as I expected (though my expectations were, admittedly, vague, and given that, probably unrealistic), so +4.6 charge in the reward.
the minion finds a dining room with an interesting carpet pattern, servants quarters, carvings on the wall that read
"Another day
another month
another year
Help!"
, a cupboard under the stairs, it can't reach some stuff on the second floor due to the hole made by the falling chandelier, and it also finds a small enclosed courtyard and a backdoor of the house, leading to... whatever's behind the house. you haven't looked out any of those windows yet.
your avatar-summoning falls through due to a combination of repetitiveness and your minion reporting mid-attempt.
the hammer is no longer equipped. you have free use of your arms again.
[SQ-Reward] Ornate Box. needs to be opened.
[AG] Godmodder body
[P] Booksbooks3 41/100 HP. within field , electricity proof, invisible. Golden non-squeaky hammer(in inventory)!
I open the box
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!
Loot the key! (this is gonna result in me dying, isn't it?)
"Ignorance is bliss, and you look absolutely miserable."
Oof, I feel like I got less charge than I was expected, but at the same time I had no idea how much to expect. Although I would like to point out a thing in hopes of getting extra charge.
You had the puzzle for me of how to try and get the contract from the Devil. I beat the snot out of him, and took the contract by force. I think that counts as solved. :V
Though that does leave the (intentionally) unresolved problem of the internal timeline of the Cuphead universe screwed up.
The shopkeep stops for a moment. "I... don't know. Maybe, depends entirely on my client really."
35/35 for Gettin' Mugged
0.6/45 for The Wrong Trousers
Credits:
Algot: 1
GENE: 1 (afk)
Redrover: 1 (afk)
Wooby: .8
Cuphead has been summoned as an entity for Aeisenberg!
Cuphead is a pretty hefty entity, the same strength as the enderdragon even, previously the largest player-summoned entity ever.
But, he doesn't have tons of health, instead he has a very large dodge pool. He still has a fair amount of health, being minor boss-strengthed and all, but he's got very high dodge as his primary thing.
He also has an attack gimmick, every round, he uses a different attack. They cycle between themselves in order, so the same attack gets used every three rounds.
They are:
Basic: focuses all the attack power onto one target.
Spread: splits the damage between three different targets.
Chaser: deals lightish damage to two different targets, but also negates dodge to a certain extent (determined by JOE)
Finally, Cuphead has a 4 round charge "Charged shot" which does something different depending on which attack he uses it instead of (yes, it uses up cuphead's action.)
If used over basic, it just launches a vanilla high-powered charged attack.
If used over spread, It hits every enemy on the field. Twice.
If used over chaser, it gives Cuphead automatic counterattack to every attacker for 2 rounds.
A cupboard under the stairs... could it be that... Markus Twain = Young Harry Potter ?!
Should Harry decide to murder the Minion... well that would be lethal for him. I want him to stay alive tho.
I pull out the "secret sauce" from Nqwvindles Sauce shop (I am not sponsored by any Mqloims) and pour it on my middle finger, which elongates to enormous proportions with additional joints and functional Mqloimidi-enhanced muscles to stay functional. I use my elongated middle finger as probe to see what is in the cupboard.
I force--feed the godmodder 100% instant death guaranteed pills and throw a letter through a poetal leading to Inkwell hell or where ewer the shokeep is asking him why he never attacks the godmodder directly
The shopkeep has returned to the battlefield by this point, and catches the letter as it's coming through the portal he's using, reads it, and then tosses it over his shoulder, responding to Algot with:
"Because that's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to sell things, killing people's really only going to happen incidentally to that."
To Aeisenberg he responds:
"No problem. It's what I'm here for, and you've been a fantastic customer."
((OOC: I don't mind you taking up lots of charges. You haven't actually been putting in [i]too[/i] many charges, and to be honest I wish I could get these out a little faster. Dropping me charges here and there is greatly appreciated.))
((You've barely been making the bare minimum required for deliveries, if having to pay one ninth of the power level of an entity is going to intimidate people, then one tenth like you've been doing isn't likely to be much better.))
mhk
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Excalium Orbital Cannon
15200/15200 HP Charge Gauge [IIIIIIII] 1/20, 35Achargequest-given abilities (Free)
Portable Portalable shot: owner can use its attack alongside their own action, within their turn, at the cost of its ability to attack later. all suitable buffs to either being apply.
Orbiting Sun: slight resistance to attacks by grounded beings
player-provided stats
+
1535 storable attack per turn. Storage is useful, so slight reduction in attack value is understandable.+50 damage if charge gauge is full and being expended (In the unlikely event of surviving 20 turns, this is a 8.333333% increase, and is balanced by the high risk of satellite death faster then 20 rounds(andthattheexistanceofthisabilitymayleadtonotfiringeverbeforedeath.)
Can choose not to make any charge in exchange for doing a 35-damage attack. ameliorates inelasticity somewhat.
"Highly resistant to ground attacks" (misinterpretation of chargequest- buff. only light resistance to ground attacks.)
Summoning complete!
it will now roll 2 lower on damage mite rolls. woo?
you roll... nope, no damage.
to be fair, the only time we discussed possible reward amounts for this quest on discord, I said it could end up around +5. which it more-or-less did
Cuphead 85/85 HP 75% dodge 68 is base-A... [thinking occurs off-update, now waiting for aeisen-input]
you feed him the pills! sadly, you made them too well: the Godmodders stomach acids, as suppressed as he intentionally makes them, can't dissolve the outer casing, and it doesn't activate.
you give Cuphead some bardic inspiration. he can now add 1D25 to a dodge roll, based on a criteria you provide. Cuphead then asks a question:
“You're their client, right? can I go home after this's done?”
Perry... probably attacks a retainer of folly.



, and reducing the amount of power he has on hand.
8, 9, 13. he gets the perfect rolls to kill all 3 retainers of folly.
Cuphead is mostly standing around, having not been given any orders. also, not having his stats completed.
The Excalium Orbital Cannon orbits the sun, gaining 1 charge.
the radiation enforcer proceeds to aim on... some dark smoke wafting in the air? alright...
LOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE: HAH HAH! YOU DID NOT AVOID MY OVERHEAD SWING CHARGE ATTACK OF DOOM! I AM KILL YOU VERY HARD!
actually, you only get to do 40 damage, -10 from AC.
LOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE: WELL I WILL SPINNY ATTACK YOU!
I'm nowhere near you.
LOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE: SPINNY LOG ATTACK OF KILLING!
....mhm.
Well, he doesn't seem to be aiming all that much, but there's a good chance he'll run into someone by accident. maybe stop him somehoLOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE: I AM UNSTOPPABLE!yes yes thats very nice.
The Godmodder jumps into a hole in the ground. after a while, he hops out of the hole in the ground as it slowly begins to close.
nothing happens thereafter. whatever the godmodder was trying to do, it looks like he failed at it. The Godmodder also
[GM] Godmodder: 285 /300 HP 4/4
5/5 Do you feel like wolf kabob Roth vantage? On his hopping high horse, which he is also wielding as a dire chain? 
[AG-Shard II] Eishalon II - Manifest Of Folly 2 damage mites 100% Shadiamond (highly damage resistant -2, will probably return to cause problems eventually..?)
retainer of Folly x0 1 dm .2 dma (0% shadiamond)
[A] Perry the Platypus 23/200 HP 10AC (+5 HP per turn) 30A owned by aeisenberg. 75% diamond (cannot increase)
[A] Cuphead 85/85 HP 75% dodge [Basic | Spread x3 | Chaser 20%Dneg ] 1/4 EX move, shadiamond proof! owned by aisenberg.
[A] Tarasque portal (100% Clogged by diamond statues of Tarasque.)
[OG] Excalium Orbital Cannon 200/
200 HP Charge Gauge [IIIIIIII] 1/20, 35A (weak resistance to grounded attacks. portalshot ) owned by goldhero[OG] faithful Dog 200/100HP -33 to incoming damage! Solid diamondnotLoyal to Aeisenberg Mastema
[AG] LOG GOBLIN ZOMBIE 120/120 HP Log Grip: 50% Log Durability: 100% Average attack: 35 State: Spinny log attack, random target. 10% shadiamond.
[AG-A] Radiation enforcer (aimed somewhere)
[AOOGA] Zombie assassin level 16 320/320 HP invis again! [IIIIIIIIII] 50% radioactive
Piono: 74% shadiamond (invis)
Carleah: 95% shadiamond
Aeisenberg: Flex tape rapier (minor attack buff) injured. 100% shadiamond, 100% crystalized, Favour of the Deva.
Evonix: 75% shadiamond. transparent, meaning shadiamond will not further harm them.
Algot: 34% shadiamond. well fed.
Goldhello: lite injruy.
Acerac: dead (must make 1 post to return). Caaaaarl (.5 AP), tunnelbuild sidequest exists (10
GENE: slep. blackjack warrior. dulled voidshard (permanent) spider corpse, Warp organ, 13
you find within it this (without any bits of background that leak through, that is)




It's shaped almost like a goblet, but the top is partially covered by a green dome. it appears to be made of mundane materials- stone, glass, foliage, and some lumber- but you can clearly feel the magic coming from it, whatever it is. the materials are unnaturally hard- the folliage is an exception in that it can be bent, but it cannot break or bend too far, from what you could tell just from cursory examination.
well, it wouldn't be here if it wasn't valuable, right?
...well, unless the Godmodder is smart enough to put a decoy behind all the traps, and make the actually valuable thing the floor or the box or something, but if you're worried about that you can just bring everything inside the annihilation field with you. plus, if he was doing that, he would probably make the purpose more obvious, or at least make it seem more ornate.
anyway!
SIDEQUEST COMPLETE!
Rewards:
it does not result in you dying. you are now holding the key.
....
wait for it....
...........
yeah nothing happens.
[+37 ❤]
[40-Ma] Woobydoobydoo 404/597 ❤, pulse for 2 Equipped:
stick- Cool staff bro (unidentified)(two-handed) ? damage,
hat- corrupt beast's jaw (unidentified)(150 hp, min ~13 str, - 9 regen)
Chestplate- Shining gold chestplate (+247 HP) 8 soul Points 16/20 ✹ 37257/46000 XP Bubbles! (10 regen, thorns X) known spells: Heal (R-L-R), Teleport (R-R-R), Meteor (R-L-L), Ice snake (R-R-L)
Buffs: 15% crit chance, +15% non-crit damage, -14% to incoming damage, 14% dodge chance, -15% mana cost (random rounding), +15% ✹, ✦,
Wobbydoobydoo : sand-covered key, beast jaw, cool staff bro, bbls, shining gold chestplate, unidentified leggings
nope, the harry potter reference is entirely meaningless... either that, or a different inhabitant was there. twain owns the mannor, so obviously he's not young, and he was the founder of the twain group, so ye.
The cupboard is entirely useless; its contents are some cracks letting you see the entrance through the stairs, and a cake.
The shopkeeper stretches and relaxes on his stall. I haven't thought of good flavor text for this one yet.
1.6/45 for The Wrong Trousers
Credits:
Algot: 1
GENE: 1 (afk)
Redrover: 1 (afk)
Wooby: .8
If I can't find M. Twain, maybe he can find me?
I put more sauce on my middle finger, which makes it glow and grow. Soon you can see it from far away, a blinking, very long middle finger that sends following message over and over again:
"__ ._ ._. _._ .._ .../_ .__ ._ .. _./_._. ___ __ ./.... . ._. ."
While forming the following forms (possible because of extra joints) :
If MT knows the morse code or can interpret the middle finger, I can just wait for him.
I make myself glow so that I do not cast a shadow
NEW MECHANIC: Entity Tab.
An entity tab pops up on my interface. Huh. Must be because I have the Excalium Orbital Cannon now.
Entities:
Excalium Orbital Cannon
200/200 HP Charge Gauge [IIIIIIII] 2/20, 35APortable Portalable shot: owner can use its attack alongside their own action, within their turn, at the cost of its ability to attack later. all suitable buffs to either being apply.
Orbiting Sun: slight resistance to attacks by grounded beings
The Cannon continues to build charge while I begin work on something new...
Super Soldier Camp: 1/15
I'm going to start putting the max and min price tags on the charges so people know how much they can get charged and how much they need to claim it. I'll fix up the formatting when I get a computer tomorrow.
2.6/45 for The Wrong Trousers. Lowest acceptable price: 4.5 credits. Highest you might be charged: 22.5 credits.
Credits:
Algot: 1
GENE: 1 (afk)
Redrover: 1 (afk)
Wooby: .8
I search around for any keyhole or anything. If I find nothing, I head back to the village and ask the village leader about it.
"Ignorance is bliss, and you look absolutely miserable."
Before exiting the sidequest, I take a look at the strangely colored patch of floor.
Stella Diamant, Human Rogue 17 (Swashbuckler), The Exploits of Misfit Company
Kat, Medtech, Cyberpunk: Red
Shi, Changeling Bard 4 (College of Spirits), Tyrant's Grasp
Dani, Human Artificer 9 (Armorer), Skulls and Starships
DM, Project Point (Teams Scimitar and Longsword)
Everything Else!