This is my first D&D character, a level one human rogue named Bonthir Kildonis, "The Haunted One." Please, if you have the time, read his backstory and let me know what you guys think. If you have any advice, I am open to any and all criticism. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!
*Bonthir Kildonis grew up on a crop farm (potatoes, mostly) just north outside the city of Elturel, an area commonly known as the Fields of the Dead. Raised mostly by his mother, Grenla (his father, Errol, was very despondent, caring mostly for his crops and spending a great deal of his time alone), Bonthir liked to spend his time reading poetry, listening to the music of the travelling bards who crowded the city and the Trade Way nearby, and exploring the sprawling labyrinth of the Reaching Woods with his younger brother, Aultin. Though more than 100 miles to the east of Elturel, Bonthir and Aultin would travel to Scornubel to stay with their aunt Denoba and uncle Jerdus (father's side) when winter came and the crops yielded little. Despite his longing for exploration and adventure (imparted upon him by the tales he read and the songs he heard), Bon also rather enjoyed home school, and did exceptionally well in reading, writing, and history.
At the age of 13, while exploring the Reaching Woods with Aultin during the winter of that year, the pair stumbled upon a crumbling shack in the southern part of the forest, an area they had never frequented, as they usually stuck to the western edge of the wood . Though Aultin, stricken with a sudden sense of foreboding, suggested the two turn back at once, Bonthir, captivated by the possibility of adventure, wished to explore a bit. The two entered the cabin, and there on the cold and splintered floor lay a beautiful woman, no older than 20, shivering and hungry. Aultin spoke up and offered the woman a cloak he kept in his small pack, while Bon prepared a fire and stew in the long-unused hearth. The woman thanked the two brothers and sat with them for a time. She smiled often, seemingly very grateful the two had discovered her and offered her their company. She said she came from the nearby city of Bordusk, south of the Reaching Woods, and that she had become lost within the forest while taking refuge there for the night. She was on her way north to Triel to meet a friend. Her friend had recently joined a guild of travelling bards, and the mysterious woman had received a letter to meet them in Triel in hopes to accomplish her dream of songwriting and fame. Upon hearing this, Bonthir's eyes became wide with wonder, and he asked if he could hear her sing. She obliged the child, and said she had recently written a song she knew he would love.
"Behind the moon, behind the stars, beyond the eye of man, a woman's dwelt within the dark ere this world began.
With the passing of each year her heart grows ever colder. Remembering who put her here, as men get ever bolder.
There was a time when beauty was tight within her grasp, but then came men with greedy hands, and since, her time has passed.
They cast the woman into night and cursed her with dark spells, taking from her love and life, and damning her to Hell.
But now the time of man is up, they take their final breaths, for from the dark where women dwell, where spirits sing and forces swell, where demons laugh and devils yell, crawls toward them Death."
Just as the woman had finished her eerie song, something in the air outside began to stir. Aultin felt it first - a strange rush of cold wind screamed about the cabin, rattling the door and shaking the limbs of the ancient trees. Creeping its way down the chimney, the fire died at once. It was then that Bonthir and Aultin turned in unison to see this. They returned their gaze to the woman. What they saw made their blood freeze in the vein. The woman was now standing, facing the boys, bearing a most sinister look. Her hair, chestnut-brown only moments ago, now turned a sickly white, and her skin became the color of dead moss, sagging from the bone like a sack draped over a twig. The woman's face now bore the look of pain and ill intent, and the boys, confused and terrified, stood at once. Turning to flee, Aultin tripped over his pack which was lying on the floor beside where he sat. The last thing he saw was Bonthir running out the door of the cabin, then stopping and turning to look back at his brother. The witch dug her claws deep into Aultin's narrow throat, silencing his screams forever, all the while fixing her eyes on Bonthir. Seeing this, Bon dropped to his knees in tears and anguish, unable to find the strength to fight. As Aultin lay dead on the floor of the cabin, the witch stood to face Bonthir. She said, "Have no fear, little man, I will not harm you. Indeed, some fates are worse than death. Besides, you still have a role to play." She lifted her ghostly hands to Bon, leaving a curse on his soul. She bellowed,
"Where you find beauty, you'll find pain. When love you've seized, try again. Where there is truth, there will be lies until the man within you dies."
"Now go, little man! Tell your father, your uncle, and all the men you know what you have witnessed here tonight. And do not worry, Bonthir Kildonis of Elturel, your brother yet lives . . . 'Behind the moon, behind the stars, beyond the eye of man."'
Bonthir Kildonis, now a man of 27 years, is a member of the Baldur's Gate City Watch. His father and mother are dead - lost to plague and heartbreak. Since that day in the cabin, they blamed Bonthir for his brother's death, and discredited the story he told surrounding the incident. Despite this, Bon still loved them and cared for them in the weeks leading to their passing. Uncle Jerdus, now a widower, still lives in Scornubel. The Kildonis family home had been sold when Bon was 17, several months following his parents' deaths. The memory of his brother's passing still haunts Bonthir, as do the words the witch spoke to him. Now Bonthir wishes to find answers and revenge upon the witch. Though a guard in the City Watch, he is not opposed to going beyond the law in order to satisfy his vengeance. In fact, Bon has been considering leaving his post altogether. This is where his story truly begins.*
Seems like your character makes more sense as with a True Neutral Alignment. "Going beyond the law to satisfy vengeance," does not a Chaotic character make. That could be a Lawful Good character's flaw, just as much as a Chaotic Neutral character's motive, just as much as a Neutral Evil character's ideal. In fact I'm not certain how any of this Backstory relates to any of the character's abilities or personality, and it doesn't seem to set up many potential Roleplay opportunities. It gets him from his home town to Baldur's Gate, sure, but in the end... what is he and where is he going in his life?
I get he's in the City Watch, but that doesn't mean much. I get he wants Vengeance, but what other personal connections does he have besides woman-witch-thing? Is he Athletic? Enjoys a good Game of Dice? Has a bit of a Sarcastic streak? Has developed a friendly relationship with a Ranger he pays to look into this woman-witch-thing? The only Roleplaying opportunities I see here are: leave City Watch, yelling match with uncle, and kill woman-witch-thing. I hope you have more that your going to give to your DM or that your good at improvising. To be fair, some of these things may be on the Character Sheet itself which is why you didn't include them, which I can totally understand.
I'm also a bit confused on a couple of points. Who is the "they" blaming him for his brother's death? I can only assume his uncle, the only other living person left. What about this line "your brother yet lives"? Did he have two brothers and I just missed that, or is it supposed to be part of the character development and I'm just being dumb? Aultin wanted to leave because he felt foreboding, but immediately this is lost with his next action. Why did he have no hesitation, sigh of relief, or anything? There is no transition between his state of foreboding and giving a cloak to a person he just met.
As Bonthir turns to run, the door slams closed ahead of him. Turning he sees his brother lying on the ground, the witches sharp claws.... ...until the man within you dies."
Bonthir is now longer against the door, but is standing over his brother, a bloodied dagger in hand. And there is no sign of the witch he saw. If there was even a witch at all...
this might play better into 'something you can't fight' as you can't fight yourself, your guilt, etc. The character is haunted with the memories of the witch which he knows he saw, as well as the memories of standing over his brother, dagger in hand. Possible character flaw: He is unable to hold a knife/dagger without seeing it soaked in his brothers blood (and is likely to drop it)
Loss of family members and blame from them of brothers death leads Bronthir away from home. He finds work as a town guard. It pays money, but his station (of lowly guard) only just pays for basic food and lodgings. As such you have learnt to stay out of trouble. Partly by sneaking around and avoiding prying eyes (stealthy), and partly by working with a small gang to gain a little protection (thieves cant). You soon began to steal from places, being a guard made it easier as you were able to 'case the joint' under the guise of lawful investigation.
One day he bit off a little more than he could manage. He went after a noble's/rich house and was almost caught by their own personal guards, but was able to just get away by dumping the loot. His friends quickly got him out of the city, warning him not to return in case they get him next time...
This could play into either humility over his abilities or overconfidence in them. Also helps fall into chaotic more, as he's just out for himself (and close friends) and doesn't care about stealing the odd thing. The law is a hindrance, not a set of rules to follow.
With the bit about foreboding and approaching, I'd put that down to: Bronthir going "come on it'll be like those adventures we read" A. "i'm not sure..." B. What, are you too scared to look inside an abandoned hut?" A. "fine... but you go first ok". (something like that)
This is perfect! Thank you so much for your advice, I think it really ties things together quite nicely. I especially love the part you added about the witch - "she's nowhere in sight." That is amazing and wish I had thought of that! Not only that, but the parts you've added really allow me not only to have a focused goal in mind (coming to terms with his guilt and seeking vengeance), but everything after leaving the city watch leaves so much room open for very lucrative roleplay. Side note: the witch is a Green Hag from the forest of Tethir in the south, part of a larger coven that is slowly creeping north and trying to get even with men. Also, I was thinking that when Bon leaves the city watch, he ventures to Triel, gets in good with a troupe of travelling bards, who then bestow upon him the Pipes of Haunting. This helps him in his fight against the witches and satisfies his innate curiosity of bard-ism. What I'm really going for is strong roleplaying centered around one major goal. I think with what you have suggested in your post will allow me to do just that. Thank you again, and if you have anything else to add, please do!
Most of the questions/concerns you had are answered in my character sheet, which I regret not posting beforehand. Although, you did open my eyes to the fact that based upon the information I offer in his backstory thus far, there isnt much room for roleplay, and for that, I thank you kindly!
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This is my first D&D character, a level one human rogue named Bonthir Kildonis, "The Haunted One." Please, if you have the time, read his backstory and let me know what you guys think. If you have any advice, I am open to any and all criticism. Thank you, and I hope you enjoy!
*Bonthir Kildonis grew up on a crop farm (potatoes, mostly) just north outside the city of Elturel, an area commonly known as the Fields of the Dead. Raised mostly by his mother, Grenla (his father, Errol, was very despondent, caring mostly for his crops and spending a great deal of his time alone), Bonthir liked to spend his time reading poetry, listening to the music of the travelling bards who crowded the city and the Trade Way nearby, and exploring the sprawling labyrinth of the Reaching Woods with his younger brother, Aultin. Though more than 100 miles to the east of Elturel, Bonthir and Aultin would travel to Scornubel to stay with their aunt Denoba and uncle Jerdus (father's side) when winter came and the crops yielded little. Despite his longing for exploration and adventure (imparted upon him by the tales he read and the songs he heard), Bon also rather enjoyed home school, and did exceptionally well in reading, writing, and history.
At the age of 13, while exploring the Reaching Woods with Aultin during the winter of that year, the pair stumbled upon a crumbling shack in the southern part of the forest, an area they had never frequented, as they usually stuck to the western edge of the wood . Though Aultin, stricken with a sudden sense of foreboding, suggested the two turn back at once, Bonthir, captivated by the possibility of adventure, wished to explore a bit. The two entered the cabin, and there on the cold and splintered floor lay a beautiful woman, no older than 20, shivering and hungry. Aultin spoke up and offered the woman a cloak he kept in his small pack, while Bon prepared a fire and stew in the long-unused hearth. The woman thanked the two brothers and sat with them for a time. She smiled often, seemingly very grateful the two had discovered her and offered her their company. She said she came from the nearby city of Bordusk, south of the Reaching Woods, and that she had become lost within the forest while taking refuge there for the night. She was on her way north to Triel to meet a friend. Her friend had recently joined a guild of travelling bards, and the mysterious woman had received a letter to meet them in Triel in hopes to accomplish her dream of songwriting and fame. Upon hearing this, Bonthir's eyes became wide with wonder, and he asked if he could hear her sing. She obliged the child, and said she had recently written a song she knew he would love.
"Behind the moon, behind the stars,
beyond the eye of man,
a woman's dwelt within the dark
ere this world began.
With the passing of each year
her heart grows ever colder.
Remembering who put her here,
as men get ever bolder.
There was a time when beauty
was tight within her grasp,
but then came men with greedy hands,
and since, her time has passed.
They cast the woman into night
and cursed her with dark spells,
taking from her love and life,
and damning her to Hell.
But now the time of man is up,
they take their final breaths,
for from the dark where women dwell,
where spirits sing and forces swell,
where demons laugh and devils yell,
crawls toward them Death."
Just as the woman had finished her eerie song, something in the air outside began to stir. Aultin felt it first - a strange rush of cold wind screamed about the cabin, rattling the door and shaking the limbs of the ancient trees. Creeping its way down the chimney, the fire died at once. It was then that Bonthir and Aultin turned in unison to see this. They returned their gaze to the woman. What they saw made their blood freeze in the vein. The woman was now standing, facing the boys, bearing a most sinister look. Her hair, chestnut-brown only moments ago, now turned a sickly white, and her skin became the color of dead moss, sagging from the bone like a sack draped over a twig. The woman's face now bore the look of pain and ill intent, and the boys, confused and terrified, stood at once. Turning to flee, Aultin tripped over his pack which was lying on the floor beside where he sat. The last thing he saw was Bonthir running out the door of the cabin, then stopping and turning to look back at his brother. The witch dug her claws deep into Aultin's narrow throat, silencing his screams forever, all the while fixing her eyes on Bonthir. Seeing this, Bon dropped to his knees in tears and anguish, unable to find the strength to fight. As Aultin lay dead on the floor of the cabin, the witch stood to face Bonthir. She said, "Have no fear, little man, I will not harm you. Indeed, some fates are worse than death. Besides, you still have a role to play." She lifted her ghostly hands to Bon, leaving a curse on his soul. She bellowed,
"Where you find beauty, you'll find pain.
When love you've seized, try again.
Where there is truth, there will be lies
until the man within you dies."
"Now go, little man! Tell your father, your uncle, and all the men you know what you have witnessed here tonight. And do not worry, Bonthir Kildonis of Elturel, your brother yet lives . . . 'Behind the moon, behind the stars, beyond the eye of man."'
Bonthir Kildonis, now a man of 27 years, is a member of the Baldur's Gate City Watch. His father and mother are dead - lost to plague and heartbreak. Since that day in the cabin, they blamed Bonthir for his brother's death, and discredited the story he told surrounding the incident. Despite this, Bon still loved them and cared for them in the weeks leading to their passing. Uncle Jerdus, now a widower, still lives in Scornubel. The Kildonis family home had been sold when Bon was 17, several months following his parents' deaths. The memory of his brother's passing still haunts Bonthir, as do the words the witch spoke to him. Now Bonthir wishes to find answers and revenge upon the witch. Though a guard in the City Watch, he is not opposed to going beyond the law in order to satisfy his vengeance. In fact, Bon has been considering leaving his post altogether. This is where his story truly begins.*
Seems like your character makes more sense as with a True Neutral Alignment. "Going beyond the law to satisfy vengeance," does not a Chaotic character make. That could be a Lawful Good character's flaw, just as much as a Chaotic Neutral character's motive, just as much as a Neutral Evil character's ideal. In fact I'm not certain how any of this Backstory relates to any of the character's abilities or personality, and it doesn't seem to set up many potential Roleplay opportunities. It gets him from his home town to Baldur's Gate, sure, but in the end... what is he and where is he going in his life?
I get he's in the City Watch, but that doesn't mean much. I get he wants Vengeance, but what other personal connections does he have besides woman-witch-thing? Is he Athletic? Enjoys a good Game of Dice? Has a bit of a Sarcastic streak? Has developed a friendly relationship with a Ranger he pays to look into this woman-witch-thing? The only Roleplaying opportunities I see here are: leave City Watch, yelling match with uncle, and kill woman-witch-thing. I hope you have more that your going to give to your DM or that your good at improvising. To be fair, some of these things may be on the Character Sheet itself which is why you didn't include them, which I can totally understand.
I'm also a bit confused on a couple of points. Who is the "they" blaming him for his brother's death? I can only assume his uncle, the only other living person left. What about this line "your brother yet lives"? Did he have two brothers and I just missed that, or is it supposed to be part of the character development and I'm just being dumb? Aultin wanted to leave because he felt foreboding, but immediately this is lost with his next action. Why did he have no hesitation, sigh of relief, or anything? There is no transition between his state of foreboding and giving a cloak to a person he just met.
Possible modification to the 'witch fight' bit:
As Bonthir turns to run, the door slams closed ahead of him. Turning he sees his brother lying on the ground, the witches sharp claws.... ...until the man within you dies."
Bonthir is now longer against the door, but is standing over his brother, a bloodied dagger in hand. And there is no sign of the witch he saw. If there was even a witch at all...
this might play better into 'something you can't fight' as you can't fight yourself, your guilt, etc. The character is haunted with the memories of the witch which he knows he saw, as well as the memories of standing over his brother, dagger in hand. Possible character flaw: He is unable to hold a knife/dagger without seeing it soaked in his brothers blood (and is likely to drop it)
Loss of family members and blame from them of brothers death leads Bronthir away from home. He finds work as a town guard. It pays money, but his station (of lowly guard) only just pays for basic food and lodgings. As such you have learnt to stay out of trouble. Partly by sneaking around and avoiding prying eyes (stealthy), and partly by working with a small gang to gain a little protection (thieves cant). You soon began to steal from places, being a guard made it easier as you were able to 'case the joint' under the guise of lawful investigation.
One day he bit off a little more than he could manage. He went after a noble's/rich house and was almost caught by their own personal guards, but was able to just get away by dumping the loot. His friends quickly got him out of the city, warning him not to return in case they get him next time...
This could play into either humility over his abilities or overconfidence in them. Also helps fall into chaotic more, as he's just out for himself (and close friends) and doesn't care about stealing the odd thing. The law is a hindrance, not a set of rules to follow.
With the bit about foreboding and approaching, I'd put that down to: Bronthir going "come on it'll be like those adventures we read" A. "i'm not sure..." B. What, are you too scared to look inside an abandoned hut?" A. "fine... but you go first ok". (something like that)
Just some ideas, hope it helps.
This is perfect! Thank you so much for your advice, I think it really ties things together quite nicely. I especially love the part you added about the witch - "she's nowhere in sight." That is amazing and wish I had thought of that! Not only that, but the parts you've added really allow me not only to have a focused goal in mind (coming to terms with his guilt and seeking vengeance), but everything after leaving the city watch leaves so much room open for very lucrative roleplay. Side note: the witch is a Green Hag from the forest of Tethir in the south, part of a larger coven that is slowly creeping north and trying to get even with men. Also, I was thinking that when Bon leaves the city watch, he ventures to Triel, gets in good with a troupe of travelling bards, who then bestow upon him the Pipes of Haunting. This helps him in his fight against the witches and satisfies his innate curiosity of bard-ism. What I'm really going for is strong roleplaying centered around one major goal. I think with what you have suggested in your post will allow me to do just that. Thank you again, and if you have anything else to add, please do!
Most of the questions/concerns you had are answered in my character sheet, which I regret not posting beforehand. Although, you did open my eyes to the fact that based upon the information I offer in his backstory thus far, there isnt much room for roleplay, and for that, I thank you kindly!