Why are 'dead wife' backstories so common for adventurers when divorce could feasibly exist in most campaign settings, and would be at least a thousand times funnier?
Anyway, I made a custom background for people to look over. Enjoy!
While not a background, XGtE's random tables have the possibility of being raised by one parent instead of two without the death of the absent parent - or even by another relative with neither parent dead. The living status of parents in the XGtE tables regardless who raised the PC is weighted heavily toward being alive.
(It also makes no specification of gender of either parent. Totally up to the player even when rolling on the tables.)
It is my opinion (and mine alone - not fact or anything) that Backgrounds that give feats and have features are based more on what the person did and less on the external influences, leaving those external influences as player-created backstory reasons for the PC's actions that resulted in the Background. My Background experience is limited to the PHB, though.
On an aside, I never go with dead parents. I also go with knowing one's parents (which is also what XGtE heavily favors in its tables over the alternative) except the one amnesiac I have. I've had "split home" backstories, too. (Not calling it "broken" because ours IRL wasn't broken, just different.)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
One of my PCs is effectively divorced... he cheated on his partner of 5+ years, and she (a sorcerer) found out and blasted him into next week. It left a purple streak in his hair. Then, she left, and he's been wary of "witches" ever since. Doesn't stop him from actively trying to seduce just about every woman he sees.
I was asked by my DM to define an artifact that my character's looking for, so I decided that maybe his ex had a hand in stealing it, so he's actually trying to find her as well. Should be an interesting encounter, if they ever do meet up...
Oh, divorced player characters are a great idea! Come to think of it, I don't know why I haven't heard of more of them...thanks for bringing this concept up!
I'm guessing it has something to do with most D&D rules being "setting-neutral" and the fact that a lot of people who play D&D have never been married.
It's easier to make up a fun or at least fun to tell backstory of having been divorced if one has lived through marriage or has had a lot of experience watching one's peers getting married and divorced. For people who have never experienced either scenario, it's generally not on their minds.
The substance of marriage, like adjusting to sleeping in the same bed with someone who probably doesn't fall asleep or wake up the same time you do, negotiating domestic work, sex, deciding whether to have children, taking care of children, adjusting to visits or living with in-laws, property disputes, deciding how to discipline or not discipline children, deciding how to share or not share financial windfalls and how to invest $$ - most of this stuff has nothing to do with the make-believe of D&D. Of the many factors that typically lead to separation and divorce, most of them are not covered by the rules and actually detract from the escapist appeal of the hobby.
As for the setting, there are no defined rules or lore about how marriage works in D&D worlds. And while real-life religion often has plenty of rules and obligations related to family units, property, sex, and gender roles, D&D worlds are left mostly silent on these questions, partly to sidestep any questions about broad scale societal sexism in what is supposed to be a fun hobby and partially b/c the fun of RPGs for most people involves NOT thinking about the relationship complexities and differences in social power that develop from rules and obligations about those very subjects related to marriage and divorce.
On the other hand, because much of the game often revolves around fighting monsters and stealing/taking loot from said monsters, it's far easier to imagine a backstory involving one or more relatives being killed by monsters so it's Revenge Time, etc., etc.
Because I can't think of any reason why I want to. Struggling with the loss of someone loved is much more interesting to me than getting sick of someone and moving on.
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Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Because I can't think of any reason why I want to. Struggling with the loss of someone loved is much more interesting to me than getting sick of someone and moving on.
I just wanted to make a homebrew comedy backstory, but fair enough I guess? 🤷♂️
If you wanna do a divorced PC, that’s awesome 😊. I’ve never been divorced (or even married), so I’m not sure if I could relate to that backstory. I have been thru breakups, but it’s probably not the same as actually getting divorced.
I think it would be necessary for the DM to determine, before you write the backstory, what the local laws in your home area may or may not have been regarding divorce. Some nations in the campaign world may be open to this, and others may not. You will want to ensure that the backstory has your character coming from a land where divorce is allowed... otherwise it might not fit into the game world.
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WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
It's a bit weird. Tables in XGtE can have single parents with both parents alive, just one of them "absent". There could be many reasons, and it doesn't say that divorce or simply running off aren't possible. Yet in XGtE, that story doesn't give any feats or abilities.
Feel free to be a divorcee or raised by a divorcee, and that can play into the personality, but the overall lifestyle which creates feats and abilities is a separate matter from that. A divorce situation can prompt a lifestyle (or a lifestyle can prompt a divorce), but it's still the lifestyle that grants the feats and abilities.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
A character my one friend ran in other friend’s Forgotten Realms Campaign was divorced. He was a 7th level human rogue from Waterdeep, a spice merchant by profession, whose wife divorced him after he cheated on her with a bunch of other girls. One of the reasons he quit the spice trade to go adventuring was to regain the respect of his ex wife and his kids after the whole divorce thing. The irony was, the player was gay and single, but he played the character really well.
@Syzyg Good job on the detail for your Divorcee background. That must have taken quite a while to write. It sounds like something prepared by a family counselor or an observant family law attorney. I don't know whether I would want most of my characters to be defined in large part based on having been divorced or married, though; at least not as a total replacement for something like Sailor, Urchin, Charlatan, or Noble. If D&D generally supported a more robust system for backstory details and life-defining moments, though, I could see the tables you included as being useful. As it is, I have a hard enough time finding people who take the basic Ideals, Flaws, etc. seriously enough to write something for those areas into the character sheet.
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Why are 'dead wife' backstories so common for adventurers when divorce could feasibly exist in most campaign settings, and would be at least a thousand times funnier?
Anyway, I made a custom background for people to look over. Enjoy!
Like Merle Highchurch!
While not a background, XGtE's random tables have the possibility of being raised by one parent instead of two without the death of the absent parent - or even by another relative with neither parent dead. The living status of parents in the XGtE tables regardless who raised the PC is weighted heavily toward being alive.
(It also makes no specification of gender of either parent. Totally up to the player even when rolling on the tables.)
It is my opinion (and mine alone - not fact or anything) that Backgrounds that give feats and have features are based more on what the person did and less on the external influences, leaving those external influences as player-created backstory reasons for the PC's actions that resulted in the Background. My Background experience is limited to the PHB, though.
On an aside, I never go with dead parents. I also go with knowing one's parents (which is also what XGtE heavily favors in its tables over the alternative) except the one amnesiac I have. I've had "split home" backstories, too. (Not calling it "broken" because ours IRL wasn't broken, just different.)
EDIT: Clarity.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
One of my PCs is effectively divorced... he cheated on his partner of 5+ years, and she (a sorcerer) found out and blasted him into next week. It left a purple streak in his hair.
Then, she left, and he's been wary of "witches" ever since. Doesn't stop him from actively trying to seduce just about every woman he sees.
I was asked by my DM to define an artifact that my character's looking for, so I decided that maybe his ex had a hand in stealing it, so he's actually trying to find her as well. Should be an interesting encounter, if they ever do meet up...
Oh, divorced player characters are a great idea! Come to think of it, I don't know why I haven't heard of more of them...thanks for bringing this concept up!
💙🤍~*Ravenclaw*~ 🔮
People like to make tragic backstories because they think it gives their character depth.
It doesn't... but that's the common misconception.
The "dead lover/wife/parent" is about as tragic as it gets - hence its abundant over-use.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Divorce was rare until modern times, and most D&D games are medieval or Renaissance societies.
And tragedy does so give your character depth.
I'm guessing it has something to do with most D&D rules being "setting-neutral" and the fact that a lot of people who play D&D have never been married.
It's easier to make up a fun or at least fun to tell backstory of having been divorced if one has lived through marriage or has had a lot of experience watching one's peers getting married and divorced. For people who have never experienced either scenario, it's generally not on their minds.
The substance of marriage, like adjusting to sleeping in the same bed with someone who probably doesn't fall asleep or wake up the same time you do, negotiating domestic work, sex, deciding whether to have children, taking care of children, adjusting to visits or living with in-laws, property disputes, deciding how to discipline or not discipline children, deciding how to share or not share financial windfalls and how to invest $$ - most of this stuff has nothing to do with the make-believe of D&D. Of the many factors that typically lead to separation and divorce, most of them are not covered by the rules and actually detract from the escapist appeal of the hobby.
As for the setting, there are no defined rules or lore about how marriage works in D&D worlds. And while real-life religion often has plenty of rules and obligations related to family units, property, sex, and gender roles, D&D worlds are left mostly silent on these questions, partly to sidestep any questions about broad scale societal sexism in what is supposed to be a fun hobby and partially b/c the fun of RPGs for most people involves NOT thinking about the relationship complexities and differences in social power that develop from rules and obligations about those very subjects related to marriage and divorce.
On the other hand, because much of the game often revolves around fighting monsters and stealing/taking loot from said monsters, it's far easier to imagine a backstory involving one or more relatives being killed by monsters so it's Revenge Time, etc., etc.
Because I can't think of any reason why I want to. Struggling with the loss of someone loved is much more interesting to me than getting sick of someone and moving on.
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Tasha
Agreed. Also agree with @Song_Of_Blues.
I just wanted to make a homebrew comedy backstory, but fair enough I guess? 🤷♂️
If you wanna do a divorced PC, that’s awesome 😊. I’ve never been divorced (or even married), so I’m not sure if I could relate to that backstory. I have been thru breakups, but it’s probably not the same as actually getting divorced.
I think it would be necessary for the DM to determine, before you write the backstory, what the local laws in your home area may or may not have been regarding divorce. Some nations in the campaign world may be open to this, and others may not. You will want to ensure that the backstory has your character coming from a land where divorce is allowed... otherwise it might not fit into the game world.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
It's a bit weird. Tables in XGtE can have single parents with both parents alive, just one of them "absent". There could be many reasons, and it doesn't say that divorce or simply running off aren't possible. Yet in XGtE, that story doesn't give any feats or abilities.
Feel free to be a divorcee or raised by a divorcee, and that can play into the personality, but the overall lifestyle which creates feats and abilities is a separate matter from that. A divorce situation can prompt a lifestyle (or a lifestyle can prompt a divorce), but it's still the lifestyle that grants the feats and abilities.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I forgot!
A character my one friend ran in other friend’s Forgotten Realms Campaign was divorced. He was a 7th level human rogue from Waterdeep, a spice merchant by profession, whose wife divorced him after he cheated on her with a bunch of other girls. One of the reasons he quit the spice trade to go adventuring was to regain the respect of his ex wife and his kids after the whole divorce thing. The irony was, the player was gay and single, but he played the character really well.
@Syzyg Good job on the detail for your Divorcee background. That must have taken quite a while to write. It sounds like something prepared by a family counselor or an observant family law attorney. I don't know whether I would want most of my characters to be defined in large part based on having been divorced or married, though; at least not as a total replacement for something like Sailor, Urchin, Charlatan, or Noble. If D&D generally supported a more robust system for backstory details and life-defining moments, though, I could see the tables you included as being useful. As it is, I have a hard enough time finding people who take the basic Ideals, Flaws, etc. seriously enough to write something for those areas into the character sheet.