You have discovered an awful truth about the world, something so big if it were to get out it would shake the very foundations of reality.  Why you are the only one smart enough to see the truth, you don’t know.   Maybe it was all those times you were dropped on your head as a baby, or maybe because your parents resided on the same branch of the family tree, whatever it is only you see the Truth.   The gods never existed.  Now you have to prove it.   

You are not alone in your righteous quest!  Unbeknownst to you, a powerful entity has decided to aid you.  This entity, hereafter referred to as jerkface can be described in three words. powerful, bored and jerkface. Having heard of your unbelievable quest she has decided to aid you, because it’s hilarious.  One night she came to you in your dreams and gave you the idea to beat the “lying” clergy at their own game. You, believing this to be your own idea, took up the mantle and became the worlds first, (and only) atheist Paladin. 

Role Playing the False Paladin

The keys to role playing this warlock subclass are:

You believe three things with all your heart, and no amount of evidence or convincing will ever convince you otherwise.

1. You are smarter than everyone else.
2. You are right and everyone else is wrong.
3. You are a Paladin, any evidence to the contrary is ignored as fake news.

Your party members and most NPCs will quickly figure out you are not a paladin, with the more knowledgeable ones recognizing you as a warlock.  No matter what they say, don’t believe them!    After all, they actually believe in gods!  

Expanded Spell List

Your Patron, lets you choose from an expanded list of Spells when you learn a Warlock spell. The following spells⁠ are added to the warlock⁠ spell list for you.

Jerkface Expanded Spells

Spell Level	Spells
1st	Compelled Duel, Detect Poison and Disease
2nd	Gentle Repose, Magic Weapon
3rd	Create Food and Water, Magic Circle
4th	Locate Creature, Aura of Life
5th	Dispel Good and Evil, Raise Dead

Just Like a Real Paladin

Because your Patron delights in messing with you, She gives you paladin-adjacent abilities in place of true paladin abilities.  As such at first level you gain proficiency with medium armor, shields, and longswords.

Advanced Paladin Smite

Starting at 1st Level, your Patron bestows upon you the ability to smite your foes with a mighty Eldritch blast er smite. When you hit a creature with a melee weapon attack, as a bonus action you may shout the words PALADIN SMITE! and cast eldritch blast on that enemy. When you use this ability while you are within 5 feet of a hostile creature, you do not have disadvantage on the attack roll.

You may use this ability a number of times equal to your proficiency bonus.  You regain all uses on a long rest.

Channel Inferiority

Starting at 6th Level, you have gained the following Channel Inferiority options.  You may chose to use either of these channel inferiority once per long rest.

Amuse Undead. As an action, you target all undead creatures you can see within 30 feet of you and attempt to turn them. The targets must make a Wisdom saving throw or burst into a fit of laughter at your strange attempts to turn it. On a failed save, the creature falls prone becoming incapacitated and unable to stand up for the duration. At the end of each of its turns, and each time it takes damage, the target can make another Wisdom saving throw. The target has advantage on the saving throw if it’s triggered by damage. On a success, the effect ends.

Do Your Research. As a reaction, you may attempt to prevent a creature you see from healing.  When you see a creature attempt to regain hit points you may shout, “research shows healing is actually poison!” at it. The creature must make a wisdom saving throw. On a failed save the target may not regain hit points until the beginning of the next round of combat.  

Aura of Distrust

Beginning at 10th level,  You and friendly creatures within 10 feet of you have advantage on all saving throws against being charmed.  Though whether this is a gift from your patron or being around you has made your friends less trusting is unknown.

At 18th level, the range of this aura increases to 30 feet.

Bad Touch

Starting at 14th level, you have finally figured out the last major paladin skill, kind of.   Your creepy touch can cause wounds. You have a pool of damaging power that replenishes when you take a Long Rest. With that pool, you can remove a total number of Hit Points equal to your warlock level × 3.

As an Action, you can touch a creature and draw power from the pool to remove a number of Hit Points from that creature, up to the maximum amount remaining in your pool. If you or your companions are fighting the creature or it is aware of your reputation, make a deception check contested by it’s insight. If you succeed on your deception, the creature takes full damage as normal.  If you fail your deception check, the creature takes no damage and you lose no bad touch points from your pool.

 

Multiclassing Restriction

 If you take this subclass and are a paladin or cleric at the same time, you must always sit in the darkest corner in the tavern and constantly talk about how much you hate yourself for following a false god