If your goal is to find a group of people who share values, then you're not really looking for a group to have fun with, you're looking for a group to reinforce your values. I say leave such things out of the gaming. There's no need to bring hot-button socio-political issues into the game forum. Especially if the intent is to try to enforce it on a group.
There's nothing strange or wrong about wanting to play with people that respect you. Not using homophobic or transphobic slurs or stereotypes isn't a lot to ask. Someone's identity isn't a political issue, it's who they are. It's not something they can turn off or leave at home.
I'm just going to say, I don't see why being specifically "friendly" to any group identity regardless whether it's lgbt, racial, ethnic, religious, etc. should even matter.
If you are part of such a group, the only time it comes into play is in sit-down groups in which case; if your looking for a group of random strangers with whom to play, then the goal should be having fun with them, not making sure they agree with your personal values.
Like it or not, shared values are part and parcel of having fun with a group of people. When values differ so greatly that one's very existence is anathema to another person, then that person's personal values are an integral part of that group's ability to have fun, at all.
Sure, some groups will be actively "pro/anti" [insert any personal value/identity]. I say leave such things out of the gaming.
QUILTBAG* people's existence is only political to people who aren't QUILTBAG and who insist on making it a political issue. Those people are the ones who bring it up at the table, creating tension in the first place. Hence why advertising as QUILTBAG friendly avoids that issue entirely by filtering out the people who would make it political and cause that tension.
I wouldn't play D&D with Nazi's either.
*QUILTBAG is a term I learned in an LGBTQI+ community which encapsulates the spectrum of gender, sexuality and identity diversity holistically and in a convenient acronym. Don't ask me what it all stands for as I forget and not even the person who explained it to me knew exactly.
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"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
This has been an educative thread for me. I'm not LGBTQ+ myself, but I'd always considered myself "friendly" within this sort of context. One of the most meaningful friendships I've ever had, someone I had spent the majority of nearly every single day with for about seven years, was LGBTQ+.
But this thread, particularly Superstrut's post, does make me realize that I could possibly be doing more. Small things like adding non-binary elements to the setting, rather than just a binary world that my imagination naturally gravitates to.
It's food for thought as I continue to develop my setting and the people who live within it. Something tangible I can work on.
I feel similarly. Straight, white, cis myself, but with a number of gay friends (not so much the rest of the quiltbag spectrum, at least not that I know, but that's not by my intention). Always wanting to be welcoming and open, never tolerant of phobic comments or insulting language. But probably prone to miss the "small" stuff that isn't really small, but instead is important to being a safe, welcoming place/person.
If I could I would first off like to thank all of you for contributing. I was naive in my initial post. I thought in terms of my own group and friends. The worlds I build and the hopeful that I am. I am happy that I got to read the opinions of so many people. The trials and tribulations of others. I am greatly humbled by your responses .
I'd like to clarify my previous post. It is my feeling that regardless of anyone's personal sense of morality, or political view, there is no reason for sexual preference or identity to even have bearing on any group. I recognize that not everyone sees things the same way, and that some people are outwardly hostile to and/or derisive of other people's attitudes and preferences, and that such individuals can and often do create a bad environment for those around them. Such people should rightly be shunned. That said, I see no reason for sexual preference or identity to even be a subject for discussion in a gaming group, especially if that group is an online group. It should have no bearing on game play or interpersonal interactions, with the soleexception of a PC who is developed with sexuality in mind. If other members of such a group make comments or actions that are offensive, it shouldn't matter what they are or who they are aimed at; the comments or actions should be addressed at that time. Otherwise, common courtesy should dictate the social interactions, not group identity or personal beliefs.
I have twice had to warn or remove players from my online groups for making homophobic or transphobic comments, both within the last year. It's still an issue - and anyone that makes it difficult for fellow players to feel respected and accepted is not welcome in any group where I belong. Tolerance and acceptance are mutual: you can't demand it for your beliefs if you can't provide it for other people's entire lives.
And as the father of folks who are in the LGBT+ community (and also D&D players themselves, naturally) I have no time for people who somehow "disagree" with my kids being who they are.
Maybe Blackmail's point is that LGBT people are just as likely to be a$$hats as anybody else. Being LGB or T doesn't make you a good person, or a fun person to be around. Being LGBT friendly doesn't mean you instantly like all LGB or T people. I couldn't care less if you are LGBT or not, I will dislike you on your own merits.
LGBT friendly is a stupid phrase.
I am not "LGBT friendly."
But if you are a D&D player, and the words "roll initiative" cause your heart rate to increase...then sure, that's a pretty good start for me.
Hu? Someone who read my post and just read it for what it says. And didn't try to nit pick it apart. Who are you and what strange wizardry IS THIS!?!?
It's not just finding a group that accepts you as a player, it's about playing in a world where people like you are represented. It's about having a PC that is a hero (or villain!) where who they are, their relationships, their identity, is as much a part of the story as anyone else's. We don't want to just sit at the table, we want to be a part of the story,
I am not sure why people are specifying LGBT+ friendly groups.
@every contribution here I have skimmed over the last two pages, but forgive me just to stick to the initial question.
I think people who are looking for LGBT+ friendly groups like to find people who 1. Are accepting toward the person at the table (e.g. is it OK for them and me to be there wearing make-up as a guy) 2. Are accepting for bringing the "different" background to the game world (e.g. is it OK for a gay character to flit with the burly inn keeper instead of the hot barmaid)
Ideally 1. & 2. are not exclusive to each other, but they can very well be in a certain group of people. Perhaps then, this group is not for you. In worlds of Half-Elves (cross species breeding), Tieflings (daemonic cross breeds), Warforged (asexual machines) and Changelings ( gender fluid shapeshifters), arguing about the sexuality of the person I have a good time with at the gaming table, feels very odd to me.
I feel the same. My game world is actually pretty historically accurate. My world is typically set in a pre Christian European setting. That means the average Male is bisexual. I assume under most circumstances that the players may not be playing heterosexual characters.
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There's nothing strange or wrong about wanting to play with people that respect you. Not using homophobic or transphobic slurs or stereotypes isn't a lot to ask. Someone's identity isn't a political issue, it's who they are. It's not something they can turn off or leave at home.
The Forum Infestation (TM)
It matters to those groups of people.
Like it or not, shared values are part and parcel of having fun with a group of people. When values differ so greatly that one's very existence is anathema to another person, then that person's personal values are an integral part of that group's ability to have fun, at all.
QUILTBAG* people's existence is only political to people who aren't QUILTBAG and who insist on making it a political issue. Those people are the ones who bring it up at the table, creating tension in the first place. Hence why advertising as QUILTBAG friendly avoids that issue entirely by filtering out the people who would make it political and cause that tension.
I wouldn't play D&D with Nazi's either.
*QUILTBAG is a term I learned in an LGBTQI+ community which encapsulates the spectrum of gender, sexuality and identity diversity holistically and in a convenient acronym. Don't ask me what it all stands for as I forget and not even the person who explained it to me knew exactly.
"Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation."
― Oscar Wilde.
Bless you, dropbear. <3
(Queer Undecided (aka Questioning) Intersex Lesbian Transgender Bisexual Asexual Gay, to let ya know. ;) )
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ModeratorThis has been an educative thread for me. I'm not LGBTQ+ myself, but I'd always considered myself "friendly" within this sort of context. One of the most meaningful friendships I've ever had, someone I had spent the majority of nearly every single day with for about seven years, was LGBTQ+.
But this thread, particularly Superstrut's post, does make me realize that I could possibly be doing more. Small things like adding non-binary elements to the setting, rather than just a binary world that my imagination naturally gravitates to.
It's food for thought as I continue to develop my setting and the people who live within it. Something tangible I can work on.
I feel similarly. Straight, white, cis myself, but with a number of gay friends (not so much the rest of the quiltbag spectrum, at least not that I know, but that's not by my intention). Always wanting to be welcoming and open, never tolerant of phobic comments or insulting language. But probably prone to miss the "small" stuff that isn't really small, but instead is important to being a safe, welcoming place/person.
Trying to Decide if DDB is for you? A few helpful threads: A Buyer's Guide to DDB; What I/We Bought and Why; How some DMs use DDB; A Newer Thread on Using DDB to Play
Helpful threads on other topics: Homebrew FAQ by IamSposta; Accessing Content by ConalTheGreat;
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If I could I would first off like to thank all of you for contributing. I was naive in my initial post. I thought in terms of my own group and friends. The worlds I build and the hopeful that I am. I am happy that I got to read the opinions of so many people. The trials and tribulations of others. I am greatly humbled by your responses .
I'd like to clarify my previous post. It is my feeling that regardless of anyone's personal sense of morality, or political view, there is no reason for sexual preference or identity to even have bearing on any group. I recognize that not everyone sees things the same way, and that some people are outwardly hostile to and/or derisive of other people's attitudes and preferences, and that such individuals can and often do create a bad environment for those around them. Such people should rightly be shunned. That said, I see no reason for sexual preference or identity to even be a subject for discussion in a gaming group, especially if that group is an online group. It should have no bearing on game play or interpersonal interactions, with the sole exception of a PC who is developed with sexuality in mind. If other members of such a group make comments or actions that are offensive, it shouldn't matter what they are or who they are aimed at; the comments or actions should be addressed at that time. Otherwise, common courtesy should dictate the social interactions, not group identity or personal beliefs.
I have twice had to warn or remove players from my online groups for making homophobic or transphobic comments, both within the last year. It's still an issue - and anyone that makes it difficult for fellow players to feel respected and accepted is not welcome in any group where I belong. Tolerance and acceptance are mutual: you can't demand it for your beliefs if you can't provide it for other people's entire lives.
And as the father of folks who are in the LGBT+ community (and also D&D players themselves, naturally) I have no time for people who somehow "disagree" with my kids being who they are.
I completely agree with you.
Hu? Someone who read my post and just read it for what it says. And didn't try to nit pick it apart. Who are you and what strange wizardry IS THIS!?!?
It's not just finding a group that accepts you as a player, it's about playing in a world where people like you are represented. It's about having a PC that is a hero (or villain!) where who they are, their relationships, their identity, is as much a part of the story as anyone else's. We don't want to just sit at the table, we want to be a part of the story,
@every contribution here
I have skimmed over the last two pages, but forgive me just to stick to the initial question.
I think people who are looking for LGBT+ friendly groups like to find people who
1. Are accepting toward the person at the table (e.g. is it OK for them and me to be there wearing make-up as a guy)
2. Are accepting for bringing the "different" background to the game world (e.g. is it OK for a gay character to flit with the burly inn keeper instead of the hot barmaid)
Ideally 1. & 2. are not exclusive to each other, but they can very well be in a certain group of people. Perhaps then, this group is not for you.
In worlds of Half-Elves (cross species breeding), Tieflings (daemonic cross breeds), Warforged (asexual machines) and Changelings ( gender fluid shapeshifters), arguing about the sexuality of the person I have a good time with at the gaming table, feels very odd to me.
I feel the same. My game world is actually pretty historically accurate. My world is typically set in a pre Christian European setting. That means the average Male is bisexual. I assume under most circumstances that the players may not be playing heterosexual characters.