Sorry about it being so long. I was doing the Lost Mines of Phandelver, with a level 3 party. The party was walking to Neverwinter, and a group of 4 goblins showed up they attacked it. The party (which had nothing but a cleric and a fighter) landed all their hits on the goblins, while me (the DM) over here hasn't done a single point of damage to the party. There was 1 goblin left, and the cleric decided he wanted to use the spell Create or Destroy Water. The spell basically lets you create/destroy 10 gallons of water in a container.
Cleric: I use Create or Destroy Water on the Goblin.
DM: *Fail saving throw for goblin*
Cleric: I create the water in his lungs.
I then let him do that because the lungs are technically a container.
The goblin drowned, and for they're next encounter, added zombies to the story, because they can't drown.
I have a couple of stories, but i'll just start with my first character: Mordai Nowhere. i was getting into D&D and i didn't quite understand the rules, so i made a pretty un-optimized tiefling warlock (archfey patron), and regretting my choices, decided to play them as an insane creator of chaos in order to compensate for my poor decisions. the way i was introduced, the party was looking for a huge bear, and thought it might be climbing the trees. they look up and see a shadowy figure in the canopy. naturally the dragonborn barbarian chops down the tree next to it, the wizard casts fly on them, and then the barbarian flies up to punch the figure out of the tree. it was my character, naked, unarmed, and tied upside down at the top of the tree. after using a fly spell of my own to stop myself from dying, the party realizes that i tied myself up, buried my equipment underground, and put myself in the tree to sleep. they couldn't comprehend why i did this, and between asking question about why a human (mask of many faces) would do this, i beg their pardon and ask them to stop talking to me because i can't stand the snow. they are understandably confused when it suddenly starts snowing and i drop to the ground, still tied up. they cut me loose and i try to get my stuff, but the tree that the cut down is covering it. instead of helping me move it, because it is their fault it fell, and i have a strength of 3 (i am so weak that by the rules i can jump NEGATIVE feet), they move on to find the bear and finish the quest. after burning the tree down with a firebolt, and digging up my stuff, i realize i used my 2 spell slots to 1. fly and 2. make it look like it is snowing. so, half naked and tripping over myself, shirt caught on my invisible horns, i run up to the bear casting firebolts as i run, until i get the killing blow by melting its face off. they eventually take a liking to this strange human, who looks suspiciously like a demon (i made my disguise look like that on purpose), they start talking about their exploits as a group.
i can tell a few more stories later, but that's enough for now.
My first time DMing was with a group that had never played before too so we were all pretty lax on the rules while we struggled together on LMoP. One person in the group (cleric of all people) wants to loot literally every goblin that dies so I start just giving them really dumb treasure (if anything) to try and slow it down a little. Eventually I tell her that all she finds in the goblin's pocket(?) is one very tiny, very angry spider. The rogue immediately jumps for joy and decides to keep the spider which I go ahead and allow to see where it goes - more on this later.
They continue through the cave and since they were still new and burning through spells left and right I try to be nice and make up a treasure on the spot - an alcohol that restores two spell slots, but their next melee attack is at disadvantage. Nothing too crazy I think, just a fun way to help them out but not help too much. So they get to the bugbear boss at the end of the cave by sneaking and they can see him, a few goblins, and his hound near a fire. I suddenly realize my mistake whenever I say the word "fire." The wizard who took the 'potion' immediately yells "I YEET THE MOLOTOV AT THE FIRE." and I'm like 'there is no way this is going to work.' I completely planned on having it fail until.. Nat 20. I had to start googling molotov, splash damage, the works to figure out how to make this happen. It manages to KILL one goblin, damage another, and barely miss the bugbear.
A little while later and the group has taken down a group of ruffians. They've gotten smarter at this point and left one alive for questioning. I make them roll intimidation since this guy is a big brute who won't give up easily and they all horribly fail their throws one after another. The guy is laughing at their threats, spitting at their feet, completely unafraid to die when the rogue puts her knife right at his throat. They all stop and think for a second when, again, I see the rogue's eyes light up. She pulls out the spider that at this point I had forgotten she had and she sticks it right in the ruffian's face and says "tell us what we want to know or I'll put this on you."
nat. 20.
The guy, unafraid of death, fearless in the face of almost everything. Is apparently afraid of bugs. It was the greatest achievement in interrogation I had ever seen.
edit: I like how many of these stories are solely from LMoP lol
one time i was co-DMing a homebrew game. my character had died, and we decided i could try it since i knew most of the rules better than everyone else. they were in an airship on their way to a boss, which where a series of music themed magic armors. they had already defeated 2 of them, and were going on to an accordion who played polka and said bad puns. the dragonborn barbarian (same player who had the dragonborn barbarian in the last story) decided to get drunk and man the balista. between most of the players running around at the top of a tower, trying to rescue survivors of the fire, they didn't realize how bad an idea this was. so one or two players split off to fight the boss while the rest were dealing with the flaming tower, which had now spread to the airship, and the barbarian tried to put it out with their cold breath. it helped a little, but considering it a lost cause, they decided to fire the balista into the mast of the airship, which fell flaming in to the rest of the ship. the fire growing, they decided to aim toward the fuel tank, which still had 10 days of magical energy left in it. the ensuing fireball and ship crash was guided into the boss fight area, where they all died horrifically, except for the monk, who succeeded on the dex save with evasion, hid themselves in a solid brass chest, and them punched their way out. that campaign ended there and we started the next one.
So I DM LMoP with a group of 8 and during the Venomfang fight (which they had done once and then rematched) the Human Fighter gets bitten by Venomfang dropping him to about 1 quarter HP at 4th level. SO in retaliation, he decides to bite Venomfang back. Me being an idiot decide to let him but with an added Con saving throw DC 10 to avoid cutting himself on the scales. Nat 1. He ends up losing 3 teeth and falls unconscious from taking to much damage.
A day of travel from their town, PCs spot an orc war party heading towards it. Only Stedd the steadfast (get it?) paladin has a mount, and he volunteers to ride as swiftly as he can to the town and alert the local Priests of Torm that orcs are fast approaching. The other PCs will follow behind. It's a tense chase with warg riders, forward orc scouts and a detour but the paladin makes it ahead of the war party in good time. He crashes passed the city gate and gate guards, bloody sword still drawn and held aloft, covered in blood and sweat, his horse rears as he loudly proclaims:
"We're here to kill the Priests of Torm!"
We all just look dumbfounded at him. Then a light bulb moment and he realised what he said. In his moment of panic, he blurted out only parts of what he wanted to say. He then groaned and put his head in his hands "What I meant to say was...". We then all just burst out laughing, as I narrated one of the guards suddenly appearing off camera rugby tackling him off his horse to the dirt. "Get him!" At which point he just starts shouting: "Orcs! Orcs! Orcs!" I hard cut the scene to a couple hours later to the other PCs as they arrive to find the town in no prepared state, their paladin in the stocks in the street and when they say more calmly "Orcs are approaching from the west", the guards respond with "Oh not you too! Are you with this lunatic!?" which is when a guard atop a wall shouts: "Orcs! Sound the alarm!"
He would repeat these massive miscommunications (full sentenced spoonerisms) for the length of the two year campaign.
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Rule for drama. Roll for memories. If there isn't a meaningful failure condition, do not roll. Ever. (Perception checks, I'm .... clunk, roll, roll, roll, stop... 14, looking at you... maybe?)
So I run a homebrew campaign with a strong wild west flavor (and modified firearms rules) and the group I'm in plays over Discord. In our fifth session I carried out an idea I had where I gave them their first taste of the primary antagonists I have planned by having them be attacked by a group of thugs working in the Big Bad's organization. After doing a little RP in a clinic after an earlier encounter, I cut off the roleplay we had going by having said thugs suddenly file into the clinic, block off every door and window, and start interrogating the PC's to figure out which one had the experimental pistol they were sent to "retrieve" from the local tinker's shop they had sacked while the PC's were out of town (spoiler alert, the Rogue had stolen it earlier).
While I was narrating this cool scene and describing these thugs who came in with leather duster jackets and weaponry (including another experimental pistol of their own), my players, while I'm still narrating, interrupt my description of these thugs by flooding our chat with pictures of leather daddies. Every. Single. Goddamn. One. Of. Them.
I believe I may have screamed something along the lines of, "Why do you hate me? WHY?!"
My group’s Cleric adopted a kitten from a beggar who sold cats they encountered ...and then proceeded to feed it flesh cut from the enemies they defeated.
Oh, and the group managed to acquire a fairly expansive library of erotic Dwarven literature. From multiple different sources. They seemed disappointed when they looted something that didn’t have any of these pamphlets.
OK I have 2 different scenarios that happened I thought were funny enough to share.
1: So I was playing a level 5 rogue in the waterdeep heist, where I got arrested after getting caught stealing from some royal snob. Now in the prison (which was a level 20 dungeon), I had a couple of choices because I had a massive fine. Option A, death. Option B. Banishment. Option C, stay locked in prison for the rest of my characters life. At the time, I had no idea how to play, so I sat there thinking about it for a little while. I even told one of the guards that I needed a moment to think. So they left me to my thoughts. As the in game day went by, guards would patrol the cells. I caught one of the guards attention and told them I never received food, so he went off to get food for me. I took the opportunity to sleight of hand the handcuffs off, but made it look like I was still cuffed. As the guard came back to my cell to give me the food, which I in turn began strangling him with the handcuffs, practically knocking him out. As I left the cell, I dawned his uniform so I would not get caught on site. As I left the cell area of the castle, one of the guards stopped me. "HEY YOU". I stopped. He walked over. "A prisoner has escaped, what are you doing out here." I told him I needed to get some fresh air. He left. After walking a little bit away from the prison area I got stopped by the captain of the guard, who knew her troops.ALL OF HER TROOPS. "Hey you there" I stop. "A prisoner has escaped, start looking for him". I told her that he might have gone to get his stuff. BTW, if this captain rolled anything but a NAT 1, then I would have gotten caught. She rolled a NAT 1. "Here are the key's to the vault with all of our treasure, go make sure his stuff is still there". She basically gave me the keys to the castle vault. (she got fired later). And this whole time, my DM is having a mental breakdown. He had to eventually make the castle into an actual thing after this. And most of the party was laughing their asses off.
2: The second encounter is not as long but was also funny. I was playing another rogue(I like sneaky types), and we were exploring a dungeon we stumbled upon. We walk into one of the rooms and there is nothing there. Suddenly a group of skeletons show up. Soon after that a skeleton Minotaur shows up. The Spartan and Link (yes that Link) begin getting ready for combat. Suddenly a sort of hooded figure appears . "You are intruders, what are you doing here? Get out". I stand in front of everybody and ask them if I should try what I was planning. Our bard agrees and so do the other two. I walk up to the hooded figure with the posture of royalty. "Cave Inspector, we need to make sure everything is up to code". The hooded figure looks a little confused. "I am a creature of darkness, we do not care why you are here". I pretend to pull out a clipboard with my cocky attitude. "Oh really, well I am here to inspect the cave and right now I am seeing a lot of health problems. Let's see, debree, dead people and the like, and also it smells in here. Now, do you need me to go check the rest of this place, and possibly shut this place down or do you want me to stop and just give you your score?" At this point, the DM was sighing and eventually he made the hooded figure leave. After that, the Minotaur didn't know what to do so he grabbed one of the skeletons and left, and then the rest of the skeletons left too. The whole party broke up laughing and I got applauded, and that is how I became the negotiator.
I have another experience from LMoP in which involved the NPC companions Sildar Hallwinter and Gundren Rockseeker (their employer). During an earlier fight with Venomfang (Recurring Fight), the Wizard was hit with the full brunt of a Poison Breath and then max damage from the bitten for near max damage resulting in his death. The party was heartbroken and on their way back to Phandalin ran into a conflict of interest between Gundren and the party, they forgot about it. When they reached Phandalin they visited their various friends such as the Blacksmith who through several Bad Rolls forced them to leave before getting into a fight with Gundren. The fight turned into a brawl in the street where the Fighter said "I want to punch Gundren" I let her and she rolled a Nat 20 followed by 4 on the d4 8 damage (he is a commoner). She saved herself by saying "I was hitting him softly".
this is the story of how the party realized how important Introverted wizards are to the party.
So we have a system in our DND Discord server so we can have casual roleplay in the chateau where everyone lives (long story about how we got it).
One of the players has an elf bard who constantly writes in this little book. He rooms with his 'partner' (a nickname, even though they're totally pining for each other), a human bard.
One day the human asks what's in the book. The elf gets nervous and leaves the room.
The human, being a nosy dumbass by nature, wants to know what's in said book.
So he goes to the second-story lounge (the floor he lives on) and starts to think.
He finds my gnome bard and another player's eladrin rogue.
After a short discussion, they decide that the eladrin is going to distract the elf while my gnome steals the book.
It (somehow) goes off without a hitch, and when the two return to the human, they all decide to read it together.
It's full of (essentially) erotic fanfiction (some of it's even self-insert) written about the residents of the chateau.
Was going through a town playing a Chaotic neutral Wizard, known to be a trickster (mostly meaning he pantsed other people with Mage Hand.) I decide to pants my friend, playing as a Druid, who runs me over with his stag. My other friend (a gnome rogue), playing as the Druid's crazy younger brother, decides to jump on me and start hitting me in the face with his pants. So, I naturally burnt them to a crisp with Firebolt. The rogue then decides to to try his luck at stealing the pants off of one of the bystanders... nat 1. I'll go as far to say that the rogue DID grab the guy...
I know that was all over the place, but that was one of the funniest moments I've ever played in DND.
Also was DMing a campaign in which the PC's met an old dragonborn wizard who one of the PC's had a rocky history with. In order to disguise himself, the player used his Disguise Kit, which looked like a bush. He camped out near the door, while the rest of the party talked to the man. Afterwards, I decided to have him roll a Wisdom check to see if he remembered to take the costume off. Rolled a 3. Walked around town for about two days before he finally rolled high enough to remember that he had the costume on.
This is from my campaign log, a long time ago during 4e. Ramahut was a paladin who always was a bit overzealous. All the PCs were begging him to stop the slaughter. His non-fatal attack rolled a 1. Seriously.
About 2 hours walk from Griffin’s Watch Keep, the PCs notice smoke rising off to the left. Inritus and Vithys head off to investigate. They come upon a group of goblins and two humans (in red feathered pants) besieging a farm. Several humans were tied up, the farm house was burning and they were attacking defenders in a barn. Inritus and Vithys decide there is no time to go back for the others and come up with a brazen plan.
They boldly walk up to the goblins and bluff them into deciding to trick the humans in the barn. The goblins will allow themselves to be tied up to pretend they’ve been defeated and lure the defenders out. Not being too bright, the goblins agree. They get pretty mad when the defenders are allowed to leave the barn and run off. At this point Inritus uses his Eldritch blast to signal the others and he and Vithys begin to ‘Coup-de-Grace’ the tied up Goblins. They immediately begin struggling against their bonds, and a human bandit manages to break free. The others arrive as he is running off and Greebal show’s Woof ‘fetch’ ability. While Greebal, Parphan, Inritus and Vithys deal with several escapees. Ramahut begins walking down the fence line, delivering final Justice to the slavers. He begins to get a little carried away with his work, so much so that the others being to worry that they won’t have anyone left to question. As they move to block Ramahut, he comes to his senses and on his last victim reverses his sword to knock the goblin unconscious instead. As the pommel descends toward the Goblin’s skull, he can’t contain himself and puts lethal force into the blow, cracking the creature’s skull (best ‘1’ ever rolled by the way).
It didn't take long for our party, most of us first time players, to learn that, in DnD, a well thought-out plan can very quickly go to sh*t.
We had to infiltrate a castle and, one way or another, take down a mad king. Dagger, my Kenku monk (rapidly becoming the party rogue), was supposed to climb around outside, where he would descend from a skylight, offering distraction as the rest of the party burst in to take on the guards.
The climb was not an issue - Dagger's acrobatics were on point. Unfortunately, he crept around to the skylight to discover that the window didn't open. Attempting to salvage an admittedly weak plan to begin with, I resolved to break the glass and still attempt an ambush. The first strength check failed, alerting all of the bad guys.
The rest of the party said "screw it" (not a rare occurrence) and burst into the throne room swinging, while the bird man on the roof impotently poked at the skylight from outside. I failed three times before Dagger himself said "screw it" and started booking it back around the way he came.
Now, we had some heavy hitters; a half-orc paladin and goblin barbarian on the front lines, and two gnome wizards in the back, plus an experienced cleric and a druid who lived to fill rooms with various beasts. By the time Dagger made it all the way around to the throne room, all of the guards were thoroughly dispatched and the mad king was down.
Winning initiative, because monk life, Dagger calmly drew his shortbow and fired one arrow into the helpless monarch, killing him instantly. Since then, I insisted my boy be addressed as "Dagger the Kingslayer." What? It counts!
IT whas a group of only newbs and the dm told Them that they needed to go to this grave because og monsters there. The group Come to the conclusion that they would need a shovel so they group goes to the neirest house and in steat og knocking on the door they just blews a hole in the wall and goes in they kill a man and his 2 sons and goes into a Kitchen and sees a women holding a Child one of the players shoot her in the shoulder then the support uses a healing spell on her and one of the players take the baby and hold it because it cried. SOME guards here Them and the Guy with the baby throws it at Them and It misses and land in a field
I read this story a while back but can't find it anywhere; please let me know where I can find it!
The story is one where a DM/GM created a spiderman themed campaign without his players knowing. He had them fight like a were-scorpion and were-rhyno, other spiderman themed villians. And they saved a guy that they called Dander-Man or Dandar-Man or some variation of that.
Please let me know if you guys know what I'm talking about and where to find that story again!
My group and I were playing LMoP, and they happened to be staying in Phandalin near the rogue's auntie's house. So the druid (not wanting to pay to get into the Inn) decides to wild shape into a kitten. The Aunt sees the kitten and lets it sleep in her bed. 1 hour and 30 minutes later he changes back into a human, rolls stealth (20) he manages to get out of the bed and sneak off, anything less and he would have got caught. The whole party is laughing their arses off and to this day every time that Druid turns into a cat they call him, Aunty Banger.
I’m running a desert campaign for my characters, and they stumbled across a village desecrated by a sandworm (this worlds equivalent of a purple worm). In the village were two survivors Ages 6 and 7. My warlock is playing a homebrew race that lets him disguise himself as human, so he shapeshifter into his anime waifu and tried to charisma the kids out. Another player was also trying to get them out of the wreckage and Mr. warlock kept turning around and telling her to “shut the **** up”. I couldn’t resist the urge to have one of the kids say “what does that mean, my daddy asked my mommy for it all the time.” Well, now there’s a 7 year old infatuated with the party’s warlock and he can’t change back into his true form, a horrific Oni like creature. He just grabbed a short skirt and ran with it :)
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Sorry about it being so long. I was doing the Lost Mines of Phandelver, with a level 3 party. The party was walking to Neverwinter, and a group of 4 goblins showed up they attacked it. The party (which had nothing but a cleric and a fighter) landed all their hits on the goblins, while me (the DM) over here hasn't done a single point of damage to the party. There was 1 goblin left, and the cleric decided he wanted to use the spell Create or Destroy Water. The spell basically lets you create/destroy 10 gallons of water in a container.
Cleric: I use Create or Destroy Water on the Goblin.
DM: *Fail saving throw for goblin*
Cleric: I create the water in his lungs.
I then let him do that because the lungs are technically a container.
The goblin drowned, and for they're next encounter, added zombies to the story, because they can't drown.
I have a couple of stories, but i'll just start with my first character: Mordai Nowhere.
i was getting into D&D and i didn't quite understand the rules, so i made a pretty un-optimized tiefling warlock (archfey patron), and regretting my choices, decided to play them as an insane creator of chaos in order to compensate for my poor decisions.
the way i was introduced, the party was looking for a huge bear, and thought it might be climbing the trees.
they look up and see a shadowy figure in the canopy.
naturally the dragonborn barbarian chops down the tree next to it, the wizard casts fly on them, and then the barbarian flies up to punch the figure out of the tree.
it was my character, naked, unarmed, and tied upside down at the top of the tree.
after using a fly spell of my own to stop myself from dying, the party realizes that i tied myself up, buried my equipment underground, and put myself in the tree to sleep.
they couldn't comprehend why i did this, and between asking question about why a human (mask of many faces) would do this, i beg their pardon and ask them to stop talking to me because i can't stand the snow.
they are understandably confused when it suddenly starts snowing and i drop to the ground, still tied up.
they cut me loose and i try to get my stuff, but the tree that the cut down is covering it.
instead of helping me move it, because it is their fault it fell, and i have a strength of 3 (i am so weak that by the rules i can jump NEGATIVE feet), they move on to find the bear and finish the quest.
after burning the tree down with a firebolt, and digging up my stuff, i realize i used my 2 spell slots to 1. fly and 2. make it look like it is snowing.
so, half naked and tripping over myself, shirt caught on my invisible horns, i run up to the bear casting firebolts as i run, until i get the killing blow by melting its face off.
they eventually take a liking to this strange human, who looks suspiciously like a demon (i made my disguise look like that on purpose), they start talking about their exploits as a group.
i can tell a few more stories later, but that's enough for now.
My first time DMing was with a group that had never played before too so we were all pretty lax on the rules while we struggled together on LMoP. One person in the group (cleric of all people) wants to loot literally every goblin that dies so I start just giving them really dumb treasure (if anything) to try and slow it down a little. Eventually I tell her that all she finds in the goblin's pocket(?) is one very tiny, very angry spider. The rogue immediately jumps for joy and decides to keep the spider which I go ahead and allow to see where it goes - more on this later.
They continue through the cave and since they were still new and burning through spells left and right I try to be nice and make up a treasure on the spot - an alcohol that restores two spell slots, but their next melee attack is at disadvantage. Nothing too crazy I think, just a fun way to help them out but not help too much. So they get to the bugbear boss at the end of the cave by sneaking and they can see him, a few goblins, and his hound near a fire. I suddenly realize my mistake whenever I say the word "fire." The wizard who took the 'potion' immediately yells "I YEET THE MOLOTOV AT THE FIRE." and I'm like 'there is no way this is going to work.' I completely planned on having it fail until.. Nat 20. I had to start googling molotov, splash damage, the works to figure out how to make this happen. It manages to KILL one goblin, damage another, and barely miss the bugbear.
A little while later and the group has taken down a group of ruffians. They've gotten smarter at this point and left one alive for questioning. I make them roll intimidation since this guy is a big brute who won't give up easily and they all horribly fail their throws one after another. The guy is laughing at their threats, spitting at their feet, completely unafraid to die when the rogue puts her knife right at his throat. They all stop and think for a second when, again, I see the rogue's eyes light up. She pulls out the spider that at this point I had forgotten she had and she sticks it right in the ruffian's face and says "tell us what we want to know or I'll put this on you."
nat. 20.
The guy, unafraid of death, fearless in the face of almost everything. Is apparently afraid of bugs. It was the greatest achievement in interrogation I had ever seen.
edit: I like how many of these stories are solely from LMoP lol
Full of rice, beans, and bad ideas.
one time i was co-DMing a homebrew game. my character had died, and we decided i could try it since i knew most of the rules better than everyone else.
they were in an airship on their way to a boss, which where a series of music themed magic armors.
they had already defeated 2 of them, and were going on to an accordion who played polka and said bad puns.
the dragonborn barbarian (same player who had the dragonborn barbarian in the last story) decided to get drunk and man the balista.
between most of the players running around at the top of a tower, trying to rescue survivors of the fire, they didn't realize how bad an idea this was.
so one or two players split off to fight the boss while the rest were dealing with the flaming tower, which had now spread to the airship, and the barbarian tried to put it out with their cold breath.
it helped a little, but considering it a lost cause, they decided to fire the balista into the mast of the airship, which fell flaming in to the rest of the ship.
the fire growing, they decided to aim toward the fuel tank, which still had 10 days of magical energy left in it.
the ensuing fireball and ship crash was guided into the boss fight area, where they all died horrifically, except for the monk, who succeeded on the dex save with evasion, hid themselves in a solid brass chest, and them punched their way out.
that campaign ended there and we started the next one.
So I DM LMoP with a group of 8 and during the Venomfang fight (which they had done once and then rematched) the Human Fighter gets bitten by Venomfang dropping him to about 1 quarter HP at 4th level. SO in retaliation, he decides to bite Venomfang back. Me being an idiot decide to let him but with an added Con saving throw DC 10 to avoid cutting himself on the scales. Nat 1. He ends up losing 3 teeth and falls unconscious from taking to much damage.
A day of travel from their town, PCs spot an orc war party heading towards it. Only Stedd the steadfast (get it?) paladin has a mount, and he volunteers to ride as swiftly as he can to the town and alert the local Priests of Torm that orcs are fast approaching. The other PCs will follow behind. It's a tense chase with warg riders, forward orc scouts and a detour but the paladin makes it ahead of the war party in good time. He crashes passed the city gate and gate guards, bloody sword still drawn and held aloft, covered in blood and sweat, his horse rears as he loudly proclaims:
"We're here to kill the Priests of Torm!"
We all just look dumbfounded at him. Then a light bulb moment and he realised what he said. In his moment of panic, he blurted out only parts of what he wanted to say. He then groaned and put his head in his hands "What I meant to say was...". We then all just burst out laughing, as I narrated one of the guards suddenly appearing off camera rugby tackling him off his horse to the dirt. "Get him!" At which point he just starts shouting: "Orcs! Orcs! Orcs!" I hard cut the scene to a couple hours later to the other PCs as they arrive to find the town in no prepared state, their paladin in the stocks in the street and when they say more calmly "Orcs are approaching from the west", the guards respond with "Oh not you too! Are you with this lunatic!?" which is when a guard atop a wall shouts: "Orcs! Sound the alarm!"
He would repeat these massive miscommunications (full sentenced spoonerisms) for the length of the two year campaign.
Rule for drama. Roll for memories.
If there isn't a meaningful failure condition, do not roll. Ever. (Perception checks, I'm .... clunk, roll, roll, roll, stop... 14, looking at you... maybe?)
So I run a homebrew campaign with a strong wild west flavor (and modified firearms rules) and the group I'm in plays over Discord. In our fifth session I carried out an idea I had where I gave them their first taste of the primary antagonists I have planned by having them be attacked by a group of thugs working in the Big Bad's organization. After doing a little RP in a clinic after an earlier encounter, I cut off the roleplay we had going by having said thugs suddenly file into the clinic, block off every door and window, and start interrogating the PC's to figure out which one had the experimental pistol they were sent to "retrieve" from the local tinker's shop they had sacked while the PC's were out of town (spoiler alert, the Rogue had stolen it earlier).
While I was narrating this cool scene and describing these thugs who came in with leather duster jackets and weaponry (including another experimental pistol of their own), my players, while I'm still narrating, interrupt my description of these thugs by flooding our chat with pictures of leather daddies. Every. Single. Goddamn. One. Of. Them.
I believe I may have screamed something along the lines of, "Why do you hate me? WHY?!"
Truly one of the best things I’ve heard yet. We’re they ever caught with the suit on by chance?
My group’s Cleric adopted a kitten from a beggar who sold cats they encountered ...and then proceeded to feed it flesh cut from the enemies they defeated.
Oh, and the group managed to acquire a fairly expansive library of erotic Dwarven literature. From multiple different sources. They seemed disappointed when they looted something that didn’t have any of these pamphlets.
OK I have 2 different scenarios that happened I thought were funny enough to share.
1: So I was playing a level 5 rogue in the waterdeep heist, where I got arrested after getting caught stealing from some royal snob. Now in the prison (which was a level 20 dungeon), I had a couple of choices because I had a massive fine. Option A, death. Option B. Banishment. Option C, stay locked in prison for the rest of my characters life. At the time, I had no idea how to play, so I sat there thinking about it for a little while. I even told one of the guards that I needed a moment to think. So they left me to my thoughts. As the in game day went by, guards would patrol the cells. I caught one of the guards attention and told them I never received food, so he went off to get food for me. I took the opportunity to sleight of hand the handcuffs off, but made it look like I was still cuffed. As the guard came back to my cell to give me the food, which I in turn began strangling him with the handcuffs, practically knocking him out. As I left the cell, I dawned his uniform so I would not get caught on site. As I left the cell area of the castle, one of the guards stopped me. "HEY YOU". I stopped. He walked over. "A prisoner has escaped, what are you doing out here." I told him I needed to get some fresh air. He left. After walking a little bit away from the prison area I got stopped by the captain of the guard, who knew her troops.ALL OF HER TROOPS. "Hey you there" I stop. "A prisoner has escaped, start looking for him". I told her that he might have gone to get his stuff. BTW, if this captain rolled anything but a NAT 1, then I would have gotten caught. She rolled a NAT 1. "Here are the key's to the vault with all of our treasure, go make sure his stuff is still there". She basically gave me the keys to the castle vault. (she got fired later). And this whole time, my DM is having a mental breakdown. He had to eventually make the castle into an actual thing after this. And most of the party was laughing their asses off.
2: The second encounter is not as long but was also funny. I was playing another rogue(I like sneaky types), and we were exploring a dungeon we stumbled upon. We walk into one of the rooms and there is nothing there. Suddenly a group of skeletons show up. Soon after that a skeleton Minotaur shows up. The Spartan and Link (yes that Link) begin getting ready for combat. Suddenly a sort of hooded figure appears . "You are intruders, what are you doing here? Get out". I stand in front of everybody and ask them if I should try what I was planning. Our bard agrees and so do the other two. I walk up to the hooded figure with the posture of royalty. "Cave Inspector, we need to make sure everything is up to code". The hooded figure looks a little confused. "I am a creature of darkness, we do not care why you are here". I pretend to pull out a clipboard with my cocky attitude. "Oh really, well I am here to inspect the cave and right now I am seeing a lot of health problems. Let's see, debree, dead people and the like, and also it smells in here. Now, do you need me to go check the rest of this place, and possibly shut this place down or do you want me to stop and just give you your score?" At this point, the DM was sighing and eventually he made the hooded figure leave. After that, the Minotaur didn't know what to do so he grabbed one of the skeletons and left, and then the rest of the skeletons left too. The whole party broke up laughing and I got applauded, and that is how I became the negotiator.
No one suspects a bush to hide in another bush
I have another experience from LMoP in which involved the NPC companions Sildar Hallwinter and Gundren Rockseeker (their employer). During an earlier fight with Venomfang (Recurring Fight), the Wizard was hit with the full brunt of a Poison Breath and then max damage from the bitten for near max damage resulting in his death. The party was heartbroken and on their way back to Phandalin ran into a conflict of interest between Gundren and the party, they forgot about it. When they reached Phandalin they visited their various friends such as the Blacksmith who through several Bad Rolls forced them to leave before getting into a fight with Gundren. The fight turned into a brawl in the street where the Fighter said "I want to punch Gundren" I let her and she rolled a Nat 20 followed by 4 on the d4 8 damage (he is a commoner). She saved herself by saying "I was hitting him softly".
this is the story of how the party realized how important Introverted wizards are to the party.
So we have a system in our DND Discord server so we can have casual roleplay in the chateau where everyone lives (long story about how we got it).
One of the players has an elf bard who constantly writes in this little book. He rooms with his 'partner' (a nickname, even though they're totally pining for each other), a human bard.
One day the human asks what's in the book. The elf gets nervous and leaves the room.
The human, being a nosy dumbass by nature, wants to know what's in said book.
So he goes to the second-story lounge (the floor he lives on) and starts to think.
He finds my gnome bard and another player's eladrin rogue.
After a short discussion, they decide that the eladrin is going to distract the elf while my gnome steals the book.
It (somehow) goes off without a hitch, and when the two return to the human, they all decide to read it together.
It's full of (essentially) erotic fanfiction (some of it's even self-insert) written about the residents of the chateau.
We call it The Great Smut Heist now.
"You are a slave. Want emancipation?"
-Persona 5
Was going through a town playing a Chaotic neutral Wizard, known to be a trickster (mostly meaning he pantsed other people with Mage Hand.) I decide to pants my friend, playing as a Druid, who runs me over with his stag. My other friend (a gnome rogue), playing as the Druid's crazy younger brother, decides to jump on me and start hitting me in the face with his pants. So, I naturally burnt them to a crisp with Firebolt. The rogue then decides to to try his luck at stealing the pants off of one of the bystanders... nat 1. I'll go as far to say that the rogue DID grab the guy...
I know that was all over the place, but that was one of the funniest moments I've ever played in DND.
Also was DMing a campaign in which the PC's met an old dragonborn wizard who one of the PC's had a rocky history with. In order to disguise himself, the player used his Disguise Kit, which looked like a bush. He camped out near the door, while the rest of the party talked to the man. Afterwards, I decided to have him roll a Wisdom check to see if he remembered to take the costume off. Rolled a 3. Walked around town for about two days before he finally rolled high enough to remember that he had the costume on.
This is from my campaign log, a long time ago during 4e. Ramahut was a paladin who always was a bit overzealous. All the PCs were begging him to stop the slaughter. His non-fatal attack rolled a 1. Seriously.
It didn't take long for our party, most of us first time players, to learn that, in DnD, a well thought-out plan can very quickly go to sh*t.
We had to infiltrate a castle and, one way or another, take down a mad king. Dagger, my Kenku monk (rapidly becoming the party rogue), was supposed to climb around outside, where he would descend from a skylight, offering distraction as the rest of the party burst in to take on the guards.
The climb was not an issue - Dagger's acrobatics were on point. Unfortunately, he crept around to the skylight to discover that the window didn't open. Attempting to salvage an admittedly weak plan to begin with, I resolved to break the glass and still attempt an ambush. The first strength check failed, alerting all of the bad guys.
The rest of the party said "screw it" (not a rare occurrence) and burst into the throne room swinging, while the bird man on the roof impotently poked at the skylight from outside. I failed three times before Dagger himself said "screw it" and started booking it back around the way he came.
Now, we had some heavy hitters; a half-orc paladin and goblin barbarian on the front lines, and two gnome wizards in the back, plus an experienced cleric and a druid who lived to fill rooms with various beasts. By the time Dagger made it all the way around to the throne room, all of the guards were thoroughly dispatched and the mad king was down.
Winning initiative, because monk life, Dagger calmly drew his shortbow and fired one arrow into the helpless monarch, killing him instantly. Since then, I insisted my boy be addressed as "Dagger the Kingslayer." What? It counts!
A story i was told of.
IT whas a group of only newbs and the dm told Them that they needed to go to this grave because og monsters there. The group Come to the conclusion that they would need a shovel so they group goes to the neirest house and in steat og knocking on the door they just blews a hole in the wall and goes in they kill a man and his 2 sons and goes into a Kitchen and sees a women holding a Child one of the players shoot her in the shoulder then the support uses a healing spell on her and one of the players take the baby and hold it because it cried. SOME guards here Them and the Guy with the baby throws it at Them and It misses and land in a field
Funny storie
An actual question that I had to ask one of my players at our most recent session (while holding my head in my hands):
”So...what kind of back-story would allow you to identify rendered human fat from smell alone?”
Hey All,
I read this story a while back but can't find it anywhere; please let me know where I can find it!
The story is one where a DM/GM created a spiderman themed campaign without his players knowing. He had them fight like a were-scorpion and were-rhyno, other spiderman themed villians. And they saved a guy that they called Dander-Man or Dandar-Man or some variation of that.
Please let me know if you guys know what I'm talking about and where to find that story again!
My group and I were playing LMoP, and they happened to be staying in Phandalin near the rogue's auntie's house. So the druid (not wanting to pay to get into the Inn) decides to wild shape into a kitten. The Aunt sees the kitten and lets it sleep in her bed. 1 hour and 30 minutes later he changes back into a human, rolls stealth (20) he manages to get out of the bed and sneak off, anything less and he would have got caught. The whole party is laughing their arses off and to this day every time that Druid turns into a cat they call him, Aunty Banger.
I’m running a desert campaign for my characters, and they stumbled across a village desecrated by a sandworm (this worlds equivalent of a purple worm). In the village were two survivors Ages 6 and 7. My warlock is playing a homebrew race that lets him disguise himself as human, so he shapeshifter into his anime waifu and tried to charisma the kids out. Another player was also trying to get them out of the wreckage and Mr. warlock kept turning around and telling her to “shut the **** up”. I couldn’t resist the urge to have one of the kids say “what does that mean, my daddy asked my mommy for it all the time.” Well, now there’s a 7 year old infatuated with the party’s warlock and he can’t change back into his true form, a horrific Oni like creature. He just grabbed a short skirt and ran with it :)