Greg asks TBK Do you still want it back? Can we detach the ham less hackily?

Depending on the answer, Greg will either:

Help the Ebony Nebbish with his appropriate-side ham appendage (what, maybe Medicine 15 )

or, grab an ax, since someone is hogging all the swords (and, cannot glaive since he's still holding a torch - see, I'm keeping track) and attack with both of them (2WF as bonus):

Main hand handax 17 if hit damage is 6

Off-hand torch 21 if hit damage is (does it count as improvised club?) 1 and 1 fire damage (?)

I have horribly lame dad-puns for each action, but I don't want to burn them both in one post, so Greg will hold his tongue (figuratively) until next turn

 [re-re-edit] I hit enter again so the second roll would parse, I was trying to make clever use of spacing. But the original ax swing was a 1, super miss, not sure what the torch will be. Also noting I started this while you were editing your post, so I didn't know about the AoO. Lets say Greg doesn't, since he wants to hear what TBK wants

comment on the last edit: Then when I fixed the tooltip for medicine it re-rolled the torch attack - it was originally a 19 for 3 damage, not a 24 for 4

Burt waits for no answer, yells Have at you!, and aims for the middle joint of the pinky finger: Attack: 13 Damage: 10

Iradon now will pull out the greatclub he seemed to have in his pack and drop it on the chest. Just dropping it a few times as it is too heavy for a propper swing. But gravity attacks the chest

Burt - as the spectral limb passes you take the opportunity to stick it again. It barely notices. You still have your turn

Iradon, the weight of the club cracks the cheap cover on the secret compartment. Inside you catch the glint of torchlight off something shiny. Oh this is so going to be worth the hassle. I can't wait for next turn! Can you? Too bad!

Burt, TBK, waiting on you guys.

Burt, having read all the above, will use his turn to run over and grab the shiny object that Ira worked so diligently to uncover.

BUT! BURT SAW NOTHING!! 

I think Burt's ensured the 4th wall has been completely destroyed at this point.

These are my shinies though. If Burt takes them, Iradon will take Burt. And Iradon has a shiny stick

That's why Burt feels he kinda owed these shinies.

Burt runs over and uses his turn - via an investigation check that he didn't roll but I trust him so I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt - to notice that there are shinies in the box! Ooooh there's no way that they're yet another dud loot roll. No way! 

With his free interaction he even manages to pull away the thin wood covering that Ira broke.

Look at the shininess! What does he see? D'oh! He's out of actions. You have until the start of my turn to homebrew a Yoink bonus action.....

TBK, it all rests on your compacted meat shoulders.

Burt uses his yoinker feat to yoink the shinies.

It seems like this is one of those cases where maaybee stopping the thing trying to kill us before we argue about shinies would be wise? And maaybee one of you magic ****ers might need to magic some magic to make it die?

"It does seem a stout appendage," The Hammed Armed Knight (AKA HAK) says to Stumpy. He looks over toward the spectral arm and says, "Well mate, today's your day. Home at last. Long Live Severed Appendages!" He turns back toward Stumpy and the others and adds, "Meh, it is just a bit of ham," and with that he takes his sword and lops off an arm at the shoulder where the spectral arm would fit nicely and have a nice life keeping other things from passing. "'Twas nothing," he adds, "come join the family!" he shouts to the floating arm, "with twin swords, we shall rule the NSP gang!" and slowly his sense of meaning in the world begins to warp a little as he day dreams of holding off advances of monsters an knights trying to pass things that should not be passed. "WE ARE THE BLACK KNIGHT!"

Wishing the BK a good attachment, Stumpy shouts One Shall Paste!

Iradon calls shenanigans as the feat wasn't there at the beginning. And there is photographic proof of that by the fact that you might have changed Burt, BUT YOU DIDN'T CHANGE THE COPY!!!!

Shh Iradon. Your moment of glory will come. Burt will learn his place...

Burt collapses on the floor convulsing, his eyes rolling back and tongue lolling even more than usual. He's wracked by pain that drills into every cell in his body, almost as if someone has been editing his DNA willy-nilly. His hands grasp for the shiny-shinies but are ineffectual spasming claws. 

The phantom limb ... Uh .. looks...? on approvingly as the black Knight desecrates his borrowed flesh, and seems pleased, but a strange expression comes over it's face. Hand! It's hand. 

In the cave beyond the door, the spectral guardian is returning, the front of his macabre mailshirt cakes with taco run-off

"It was still there BeeK! I mean it was a ruin and everyone was dead but so am i, and ghost tacos are the ******* bomb! BeeK? MY DOOR! Some bugger passed!"

Startled, BK's arm draws away from him, preparing to resume it's attack!

Party : go!

Burt gets up off the floor, flips off the shinies, and goes after the arm again. Attack: 13 Damage: Unable to parse dice roll.

Greg is angry at the arm's betrayal, or maybe it's the use of "it's" in place of "its" that makes him rage

Now an attack with handax 14 if hit damage is 6

Can we even tell if it's totally immune or just resistant to damage, or we just are not doing enough damage? Dee'emm effing crust do something! he curses at the squabblers

Some kind of roll if you need it to answer his question 23

btw that was at the arm, so as not to have some sort of quantum didn't pick your target thing. Not that it matters with Greg's luck