Me and my friends were at a cliff when the bad guy showed up and the top with a damsel in distress. I took my pile of extending and stuck it between my cheeks (my goblin friend was paralyzed and I had to take him to the top) my legs got ripped off. :(
Wait what the heck.
I'm confused.
pole of extending
And buttcheeks of course
So you somehow fit a pole horizontally between your buttcheeks, and then activated it, and then it proceeded to extend and forced your legs from your body?
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
⌜╔═════════════The Board══════════════╗⌝
...and started me on my way into my next chapter in life...
1. A party member wanting to use Frostbite to heal a burn on another character. 2. A party member casting Fireballs and assuming they are like grenades ,,, and dont go round corners. 3. A party member casting a Fireball at a large explosive magic item. 4. A party member ( thief ) wandering off in an enemy fortification and then being upset when they got attacked with no one to heal them.
These are just in the current campaign and committed by one player.
Also have a player ( Cleric ) who is obsessed by random things,, the group come across the bones of someone decades dead ,, he wants to investigate to see how it happened and find out who they were ,, but not by casting speak with the dead. Matt Mercer has Vox Machina , The Might Nein and Hell's Bells ,,,, I've got CSI Faerune.
One of my party threatened to set my character on fire if I didn't hold an enemy down. Led to my character getting beheaded by another one of the enemies.
One of my party ran from a fight. She was our only healer. Nearly died.
Please, someone let me out of here! I've started eating the moths and rats! Yes, you have rats. Please don't get an exterminator, the moths have no flavor!
Please, someone let me out of here! I've started eating the moths and rats! Yes, you have rats. Please don't get an exterminator, the moths have no flavor!
Please, someone let me out of here! I've started eating the moths and rats! Yes, you have rats. Please don't get an exterminator, the moths have no flavor!
I had just created my character, and I ran into the tavern and started a fight. I killed the bartender with my sword, and The bartender's wife saw and shot me with her crossbow.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I am a sixteen year old male, and I would like to make new friends.
I had just created my character, and I ran into the tavern and started a fight. I killed the bartender with my sword, and The bartender's wife saw and shot me with her crossbow.
A very valid response. Murdo hobo is generally considered a bad thing
Me and my friends were at a cliff when the bad guy showed up and the top with a damsel in distress. I took my pile of extending and stuck it between my cheeks (my goblin friend was paralyzed and I had to take him to the top) my legs got ripped off. :(
Wait what the heck.
I'm confused.
pole of extending
And buttcheeks of course
So you somehow fit a pole horizontally between your buttcheeks, and then activated it, and then it proceeded to extend and forced your legs from your body?
We had a very odd little party on a homebrew adventure, in which we were to rescue the Lord and Lady of a major City-State who had been taken hostage by a shady and powerful underground organization. Our Motley crew consisted of
A No-nonsense exiled Goliath Battlemaster (myself)
A Dragonborn Bear-Totem barbarian.
Another Dragonborn: this time a paladin in service to the "God of good Dogs"
A talking slime artificer who made and lobbed bombs everywhere
A swampy Elf Druid with a heavy Cajun drawl.
And a Tiefling noble rogue
As we were looking for where the hostages were being held, our journey took us through a swamp, whereupon we were beset by two hags. The Cajun Elf had a particularly nasty fear and hatred of hags, as his character had seen his baby sister killed and eaten by a coven of them when he was younger, and he takes great pains to warn me, the newbie, of why these things are bad news, especially since we only see two and green hags tend to come in covens of three. This is precisely the point where the Tiefling tries to go in solo, only to have her stealth check flub, getting us mired in a fight that winds up attracting a young green dragon. The moment we emerge victorious, the Tiefling decides it would be a funny prank to shapeshift into the hypothetical third hag and jumpscare the Cajun elf. Her stealth check means neither me nor him see her beforehand or know that the hag in front of us is actually her, so she takes us both by surprise, only for him to cast shillelagh and down her in one big, meaty crit.
I play in a small West Marches style server. Quest was a big one to finish off level 6 because we level up as a server. Three separate job postings were put up, all to obtain the same powerful arcane object from deep within a temple to the god of death. Each subgroup was not initially aware of the other adventurers going for the object.
Group 1: dragonborn barbarian and his adoptive changeling druid daughter
Group 2: Human Drakewarden ranger and hexblade/paladin half-orc
Group 3: Naga monk, literally 3 kobolds pretending to be a dragonborn in a suit of armor (a mix of rune knight/cleric/artificer), and my duergar paladin.
While surprised on arrival to the temple, we decided to work together - at least until getting the artifact. We take out several bands of hobgoblins and their wargs as well as zombies. After dealing with an ooze as well as an undead cleric, wizard and knight, a lot of resources have been spent so myself, the barbarian, the druid and the kobold mishmash take a long rest. The monk, ranger and padlock decide to scout ahead without telling us. They find a narrow tunnel in a wall that drops off into a pit they can't see into. The DM gives several hints this may be some bad juju. Even going in he warned us about traps and that the dungeon is MEANT to be quite deadly.
The monk decides to crawl down the hole with a rope attached to him, reasoning he's the best at surviving falls. Except then the rope goes limp. The player is pulled into a private voice chat with the DM and doesn't return. We see in Roll20 when he fails an int saving throw. When pulled up, the rope is sheared cleanly off. The monk isn't responding to any yelling. Do they come wake any spellcasters who, can, I don't know, cast Message? Scry? use Mage hand? Summon a mouse to go look? They do not. They decide to repeat the experiment. Now the padlock goes down the hole. His player goes into the private chat. Another low intelligence saving throw and the player doesn't return. The rope is sheared off again. The rest of us are losing it but can do nothing because we're still in our long rest and no one is coming to get us. One person makes a crack that they're jumping into the "character cruncher".
Now the ranger is by himself. He decides to repeat the experiment. AGAIN. He ties off the rope to a statue and goes down the hole. The player is pulled into a private chat. A low int saving throw roll is observed. He doesn't return.
The remaining four of us finish the long rest to find out we're missing some people (well, the barbarian can't count so it took him a little bit). We find the mysterious hole while looking for them with the rope dangling down into it. The 3-kobold artificer/cleric/rune knight amalgamation investigates and rolls a crit on his arcana check. At the bottom of the hole is a souped-up version of a freaking sphere of annihilation. That the other three jumped into. The Int save was to see if they could figure it out in time to escape with heavy damage. All three died.
The remaining four of us got a LOT more paranoid for the remainder of the dungeon.
This was both stupid and genius. We were magically trapped on the grounds of a vampire mansion. We found lots of gunpowder and had an alchemist. Dynamite! We also found a magic stone that turned into an endless water spring. We did NOT know that it would be a bloody geysir.
We felt kinda trapped and wanted to turn the tables, which in our terms meant complete chaos.
I took my shadow monk outside and to the servant house. Most of the npcs were vampires or affiliates. We had one ally, Max, whom we promised to rescue if we found a way to escape.
I threw a load of dynamite in the servant house and blinked/dashed away. The whole building blew right up with a dozen bad guys - followed by me bursting into laughter and saying "oh right, we forgot about Max. He was probably in there"
Our cleric planted the water fountain stone inside the chymney in the attic. It caused the entire mansion to flood heavily. Vampires ran out screaming with all the running water only to see the servant house blow up. 😂
We needed to get something from the basement, which was quickly flooding with endless water too.
After a few more twists we ended up killing all the vampires, including the masters. We also ended up destroying a load of ancient relics and a significant part of the land's history.
But we sure did show every vampire in the world not to lure strangers into their home for a trap. 😆
Reminds me of a Shadowrun game I was in where we were hired to take out a VIP who was high up in a building that had extremely heavy security and Mr Johnson told us that heavy casualties were acceptable.
The answer to how to deal with the target turned out to be "smuggle plastic explosives into the basement and take out some key support columns."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Was running a low level adventure, I think they were level 1 or so. One guy chased a goblin into a cave, he rounded the corner and saw the goblin standing there yelling at him and jumping up and down. He went to charge at the goblin and ran right into the pit trap at the goblins feet.
Was playing many years ago and we ended up in a cold area with ice giants. We had the bright idea of kidnapping the ice giant chiefs kid and making him our friend. We had some invisibility potions. We created a diversion on one end of the camp and snuck in and stole the baby, carrying him on our shoulders. "Guys, he guys!" "yeah". "The babies not invisible, the babies not invisible!" Right as we are carrying it past some guards.
My party and I were tasked with hunting down a werewolf (quite a few editions back) and we had no silver or magic weapons to affect it. We grappled it, restrained it, then put a silver piece on its head and beat it into the werewolf's skull with a hammer.
Not me, but a fellow party member did something quite stupid once.
Some background knowledge; This occurred between my PC (Lightfoot Halfling Ranger) and our Silver Dragonborn Fighter. We had just done a mission for a town's mayor where we were to track and kill a monster that had been abducting villagers, and after we killed this monster (Cave Troll) we were on our way back to collect our payment.
So we get back to the mayor's home and he warmly invites us in as he had met us hours before and knew we were kind. Right as he's about to give us the gold for completing the quest our Dragonborn Fighter decides he wants to kill the mayor with a great sword for no apparent reason, so he goes to swing on the mayor. I ask my DM if I can roll to shoot his great sword with my revolver mid-swing, and he said yes. I got a freaking Nat 20, so as I hit his great sword it just shattered into pieces. Not expecting me to do this, our fighter then pulls out his trident that he also had as a backup weapon, and with all of his force heaves it at the mayor. I roll an acrobatics check to see if I can make it to defend the mayor, and I succeed. I pulled out my 2 short swords and deflected the trident, and at this point our fighter was FURIOUS at my interferences, so he runs up to me and tries to shove me out of the way. I use my bonus action to dash out of the way of this (I have a couple levels invested into rogue) and then proceed to blow his left foot completely off with another revolver shot. As he falls to one knee he tries one last time to punch me, where I also dodge that, get behind him, climb up his back, and get him into a chokehold where he goes unconscious and hits his head against the hard floor, then bleeds out.
The mayor, as a form of increased payment for saving his life, said that in the next town over I could go visit his friend who was a skilled blacksmith and get him to upgrade my guns for free.
My party was on the last leg of a dungeon. in the next room was the big bad sleeping in a coffin 2 of the 5 party members decided to go in the room with the coffin, while the other three decided to argue over who was gonna get the loot that dropped in the previous room. The two unfortunate players ( who were very newish at the time ) decided to go over to the coffin and activate the magical barrier that closes off the door with an invisible magical field and started the boss encounter the three other party members watched in horror as the other two didn't stand a chance lol
I've just seen the best thing in a long time. They're tasked to destroy a village in the name of an Old One (the Warlock's patron). One of them suggests, in order to destroy the town, they go there without any plan and try to save the town because that's what usually happens.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
There was this group I was in that met at the local comic book shop. Early 00s, playing 3.0 rules. Drop-ins were welcome though mostly we had a core made up of people who'd actually show up to the games with the occasional person who'd make a character for a session then never bother coming back to another.
Anyway, there was this one guy who came to a few sessions but his character never survived and he'd disappear for a few months before showing up to try again. This guy was a pizza cutter: all edge and no point.
The first game he showed up for was a downtime session after we'd just completed an adventure and had gone back to town to relax and spend loot.
He brought in his new character, a wizard. First level, accompanied by another new player, who was running a first level cleric.
He proceeded to go into the roughest bar in the wrong side of town. The cleric proceeded to crawl under one of the tables (that's in-character, not OOC) and just sort of hung out there on the floor for no reason. Meanwhile, the wizard sat down at the bar and began acting like a real snooty noble, complaining about how he was forced to associate with such "riff-raff." This did not go over well for the patrons.
One NPC, some big burly thuggish-looking guy, went up to the bar and started verbally sparring with the wizard. Rather than attempt any sort of role-playing or making a charisma check of any kind, the wizard's player announced he was going to cast Sleep on the NPC. Well, every NPC in the bar started to panic when they saw a spell being cast since they obviously had no idea what spell it was, but the one who was talking to him made an Attack of Opportunity since he hadn't bothered casting defensively. The attack hit his 11 AC and dealt 6 points of nonlethal damage vs his 4 HP, knocking him out in one blow.
The rest of the players thought that this was the end of it because hey, now the troublemaker's going to sleep it off, right?
Wrong.
At this point, the cleric's player decided to come out from under the table and hit the NPC with his warhammer. And rolled a crit. In 3.0 rules, warhammers dealt triple damage on a crit: that NPC was very, very dead.
Everybody else in the bar immediately attacked him, knocking him unconscious before the city guards arrived.
The two unconscious characters were searched. At which point it was discovered that they were both Vecna worshipers. The game was set in some part of Grayhawk where Vecna worship was extremely forbidden. The two of them were executed before they regained consciousness. They never actually met the party.
A few months later, Edgie the Edgelord came back, this time with a sorcerer character. He made a big deal about telling all the other players how his character filed his teeth to points and had his tongue split and all the other stuff he'd done to look more draconic.
The party got into a fight with a high-level spellcaster.
Edgie decided that the best course of action was... playing dead in the middle of the battlefield in the dark. The enemy spellcaster dropped an Evard's Black Tentacles, Edgie was caught almost in the middle of it and, ah, let's just say that a lot of ****** jokes were made. IIRC, he never even cast a single spell.
A few months after that, Edgie showed up one last time. This time he had a monk. And made a big deal about how his character smoked pipeweed, which was totally pot. And went on about how awesome that made his character.
He asked me if my character (a sorcerer) had any spells that could light his pipe. I told him that I could cast Burning Hands on him as long as he voluntarily failed his save.
He tried stealing a few knickknacks while the entire party was watching, no attempt at stealth. Dumb stuff, too, just pointless items he was trying to steal for the sake of stealing.
Then, while the party was traveling, we encountered a Mysterious Individual (almost certainly some sort of fiend in disguise) that would let you gamble for magic items. You had to wager a magic item of your own, then play a game (which was basically Three-card Monte). If you picked the right card, you got the item you were after. If you picked the wrong card, you got a different item and had to take it.
A couple of people played, one managed to get a powerful magic sword, two got stuck with magic spoons that could create bowls of bland, flavorless gruel. Edgie decided that he had to get a magic item, but he had none to wager. So he announced that he was going to wager his soul. Everybody at the table just sort of stared at him. The GM, who was kind of a GM-vs-players mentality guy, even flat out asked him if he was serious, then asked him to make a wisdom check after he said yes, then told him that based on his wisdom check he realized that this was an incredibly stupid idea.
Edgie said he was going to do it anyway.
The Mysterious Individual promptly took his soul, and that was the end of that character.
Edgie decided that he was being treated unfairly at this point and didn't come to any further games. He wasn't missed.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbithole, and that means comfort.”
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So you somehow fit a pole horizontally between your buttcheeks, and then activated it, and then it proceeded to extend and forced your legs from your body?
⌜╔═════════════ The Board ══════════════╗⌝
...and started me on my way into my next chapter in life...
⌞╚════════════ Extended Signature ════════════╝⌟
Oh boy where do I start !?.
1. A party member wanting to use Frostbite to heal a burn on another character.
2. A party member casting Fireballs and assuming they are like grenades ,,, and dont go round corners.
3. A party member casting a Fireball at a large explosive magic item.
4. A party member ( thief ) wandering off in an enemy fortification and then being upset when they got attacked with no one to heal them.
These are just in the current campaign and committed by one player.
Also have a player ( Cleric ) who is obsessed by random things,, the group come across the bones of someone decades dead ,, he wants to investigate to see how it happened and find out who they were ,, but not by casting speak with the dead.
Matt Mercer has Vox Machina , The Might Nein and Hell's Bells ,,,, I've got CSI Faerune.
One of my party threatened to set my character on fire if I didn't hold an enemy down. Led to my character getting beheaded by another one of the enemies.
One of my party ran from a fight. She was our only healer. Nearly died.
Please, someone let me out of here! I've started eating the moths and rats! Yes, you have rats. Please don't get an exterminator, the moths have no flavor!
Ohhhh kayyyyyy...
Please, someone let me out of here! I've started eating the moths and rats! Yes, you have rats. Please don't get an exterminator, the moths have no flavor!
Did you win?!
Please, someone let me out of here! I've started eating the moths and rats! Yes, you have rats. Please don't get an exterminator, the moths have no flavor!
I had just created my character, and I ran into the tavern and started a fight. I killed the bartender with my sword, and The bartender's wife saw and shot me with her crossbow.
I am a sixteen year old male, and I would like to make new friends.
A very valid response. Murdo hobo is generally considered a bad thing
We had a very odd little party on a homebrew adventure, in which we were to rescue the Lord and Lady of a major City-State who had been taken hostage by a shady and powerful underground organization. Our Motley crew consisted of
As we were looking for where the hostages were being held, our journey took us through a swamp, whereupon we were beset by two hags. The Cajun Elf had a particularly nasty fear and hatred of hags, as his character had seen his baby sister killed and eaten by a coven of them when he was younger, and he takes great pains to warn me, the newbie, of why these things are bad news, especially since we only see two and green hags tend to come in covens of three. This is precisely the point where the Tiefling tries to go in solo, only to have her stealth check flub, getting us mired in a fight that winds up attracting a young green dragon. The moment we emerge victorious, the Tiefling decides it would be a funny prank to shapeshift into the hypothetical third hag and jumpscare the Cajun elf. Her stealth check means neither me nor him see her beforehand or know that the hag in front of us is actually her, so she takes us both by surprise, only for him to cast shillelagh and down her in one big, meaty crit.
Fun was had by all, but boy, was it stupid.
How does one get 4 intelligence???
Soon to be DM.
Currently in a homebrew post-apocalyptic game.
I play in a small West Marches style server. Quest was a big one to finish off level 6 because we level up as a server. Three separate job postings were put up, all to obtain the same powerful arcane object from deep within a temple to the god of death. Each subgroup was not initially aware of the other adventurers going for the object.
Group 1: dragonborn barbarian and his adoptive changeling druid daughter
Group 2: Human Drakewarden ranger and hexblade/paladin half-orc
Group 3: Naga monk, literally 3 kobolds pretending to be a dragonborn in a suit of armor (a mix of rune knight/cleric/artificer), and my duergar paladin.
While surprised on arrival to the temple, we decided to work together - at least until getting the artifact. We take out several bands of hobgoblins and their wargs as well as zombies. After dealing with an ooze as well as an undead cleric, wizard and knight, a lot of resources have been spent so myself, the barbarian, the druid and the kobold mishmash take a long rest. The monk, ranger and padlock decide to scout ahead without telling us. They find a narrow tunnel in a wall that drops off into a pit they can't see into. The DM gives several hints this may be some bad juju. Even going in he warned us about traps and that the dungeon is MEANT to be quite deadly.
The monk decides to crawl down the hole with a rope attached to him, reasoning he's the best at surviving falls. Except then the rope goes limp. The player is pulled into a private voice chat with the DM and doesn't return. We see in Roll20 when he fails an int saving throw. When pulled up, the rope is sheared cleanly off. The monk isn't responding to any yelling. Do they come wake any spellcasters who, can, I don't know, cast Message? Scry? use Mage hand? Summon a mouse to go look? They do not. They decide to repeat the experiment. Now the padlock goes down the hole. His player goes into the private chat. Another low intelligence saving throw and the player doesn't return. The rope is sheared off again. The rest of us are losing it but can do nothing because we're still in our long rest and no one is coming to get us. One person makes a crack that they're jumping into the "character cruncher".
Now the ranger is by himself. He decides to repeat the experiment. AGAIN. He ties off the rope to a statue and goes down the hole. The player is pulled into a private chat. A low int saving throw roll is observed. He doesn't return.
The remaining four of us finish the long rest to find out we're missing some people (well, the barbarian can't count so it took him a little bit). We find the mysterious hole while looking for them with the rope dangling down into it. The 3-kobold artificer/cleric/rune knight amalgamation investigates and rolls a crit on his arcana check. At the bottom of the hole is a souped-up version of a freaking sphere of annihilation. That the other three jumped into. The Int save was to see if they could figure it out in time to escape with heavy damage. All three died.
The remaining four of us got a LOT more paranoid for the remainder of the dungeon.
This was both stupid and genius. We were magically trapped on the grounds of a vampire mansion. We found lots of gunpowder and had an alchemist. Dynamite! We also found a magic stone that turned into an endless water spring. We did NOT know that it would be a bloody geysir.
We felt kinda trapped and wanted to turn the tables, which in our terms meant complete chaos.
I took my shadow monk outside and to the servant house. Most of the npcs were vampires or affiliates. We had one ally, Max, whom we promised to rescue if we found a way to escape.
I threw a load of dynamite in the servant house and blinked/dashed away. The whole building blew right up with a dozen bad guys - followed by me bursting into laughter and saying "oh right, we forgot about Max. He was probably in there"
Our cleric planted the water fountain stone inside the chymney in the attic. It caused the entire mansion to flood heavily. Vampires ran out screaming with all the running water only to see the servant house blow up. 😂
We needed to get something from the basement, which was quickly flooding with endless water too.
After a few more twists we ended up killing all the vampires, including the masters. We also ended up destroying a load of ancient relics and a significant part of the land's history.
But we sure did show every vampire in the world not to lure strangers into their home for a trap. 😆
Finland GMT/UTC +2
Reminds me of a Shadowrun game I was in where we were hired to take out a VIP who was high up in a building that had extremely heavy security and Mr Johnson told us that heavy casualties were acceptable.
The answer to how to deal with the target turned out to be "smuggle plastic explosives into the basement and take out some key support columns."
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Was running a low level adventure, I think they were level 1 or so. One guy chased a goblin into a cave, he rounded the corner and saw the goblin standing there yelling at him and jumping up and down. He went to charge at the goblin and ran right into the pit trap at the goblins feet.
Was playing many years ago and we ended up in a cold area with ice giants. We had the bright idea of kidnapping the ice giant chiefs kid and making him our friend. We had some invisibility potions. We created a diversion on one end of the camp and snuck in and stole the baby, carrying him on our shoulders. "Guys, he guys!" "yeah". "The babies not invisible, the babies not invisible!" Right as we are carrying it past some guards.
Good times.
My party and I were tasked with hunting down a werewolf (quite a few editions back) and we had no silver or magic weapons to affect it. We grappled it, restrained it, then put a silver piece on its head and beat it into the werewolf's skull with a hammer.
Not me, but a fellow party member did something quite stupid once.
Some background knowledge; This occurred between my PC (Lightfoot Halfling Ranger) and our Silver Dragonborn Fighter. We had just done a mission for a town's mayor where we were to track and kill a monster that had been abducting villagers, and after we killed this monster (Cave Troll) we were on our way back to collect our payment.
So we get back to the mayor's home and he warmly invites us in as he had met us hours before and knew we were kind. Right as he's about to give us the gold for completing the quest our Dragonborn Fighter decides he wants to kill the mayor with a great sword for no apparent reason, so he goes to swing on the mayor. I ask my DM if I can roll to shoot his great sword with my revolver mid-swing, and he said yes. I got a freaking Nat 20, so as I hit his great sword it just shattered into pieces. Not expecting me to do this, our fighter then pulls out his trident that he also had as a backup weapon, and with all of his force heaves it at the mayor. I roll an acrobatics check to see if I can make it to defend the mayor, and I succeed. I pulled out my 2 short swords and deflected the trident, and at this point our fighter was FURIOUS at my interferences, so he runs up to me and tries to shove me out of the way. I use my bonus action to dash out of the way of this (I have a couple levels invested into rogue) and then proceed to blow his left foot completely off with another revolver shot. As he falls to one knee he tries one last time to punch me, where I also dodge that, get behind him, climb up his back, and get him into a chokehold where he goes unconscious and hits his head against the hard floor, then bleeds out.
The mayor, as a form of increased payment for saving his life, said that in the next town over I could go visit his friend who was a skilled blacksmith and get him to upgrade my guns for free.
My party was on the last leg of a dungeon. in the next room was the big bad sleeping in a coffin 2 of the 5 party members decided to go in the room with the coffin, while the other three decided to argue over who was gonna get the loot that dropped in the previous room. The two unfortunate players ( who were very newish at the time ) decided to go over to the coffin and activate the magical barrier that closes off the door with an invisible magical field and started the boss encounter the three other party members watched in horror as the other two didn't stand a chance lol
I've just seen the best thing in a long time. They're tasked to destroy a village in the name of an Old One (the Warlock's patron). One of them suggests, in order to destroy the town, they go there without any plan and try to save the town because that's what usually happens.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Okay, here's one:
There was this group I was in that met at the local comic book shop. Early 00s, playing 3.0 rules. Drop-ins were welcome though mostly we had a core made up of people who'd actually show up to the games with the occasional person who'd make a character for a session then never bother coming back to another.
Anyway, there was this one guy who came to a few sessions but his character never survived and he'd disappear for a few months before showing up to try again. This guy was a pizza cutter: all edge and no point.
The first game he showed up for was a downtime session after we'd just completed an adventure and had gone back to town to relax and spend loot.
He brought in his new character, a wizard. First level, accompanied by another new player, who was running a first level cleric.
He proceeded to go into the roughest bar in the wrong side of town. The cleric proceeded to crawl under one of the tables (that's in-character, not OOC) and just sort of hung out there on the floor for no reason. Meanwhile, the wizard sat down at the bar and began acting like a real snooty noble, complaining about how he was forced to associate with such "riff-raff." This did not go over well for the patrons.
One NPC, some big burly thuggish-looking guy, went up to the bar and started verbally sparring with the wizard. Rather than attempt any sort of role-playing or making a charisma check of any kind, the wizard's player announced he was going to cast Sleep on the NPC. Well, every NPC in the bar started to panic when they saw a spell being cast since they obviously had no idea what spell it was, but the one who was talking to him made an Attack of Opportunity since he hadn't bothered casting defensively. The attack hit his 11 AC and dealt 6 points of nonlethal damage vs his 4 HP, knocking him out in one blow.
The rest of the players thought that this was the end of it because hey, now the troublemaker's going to sleep it off, right?
Wrong.
At this point, the cleric's player decided to come out from under the table and hit the NPC with his warhammer. And rolled a crit. In 3.0 rules, warhammers dealt triple damage on a crit: that NPC was very, very dead.
Everybody else in the bar immediately attacked him, knocking him unconscious before the city guards arrived.
The two unconscious characters were searched. At which point it was discovered that they were both Vecna worshipers. The game was set in some part of Grayhawk where Vecna worship was extremely forbidden. The two of them were executed before they regained consciousness. They never actually met the party.
A few months later, Edgie the Edgelord came back, this time with a sorcerer character. He made a big deal about telling all the other players how his character filed his teeth to points and had his tongue split and all the other stuff he'd done to look more draconic.
The party got into a fight with a high-level spellcaster.
Edgie decided that the best course of action was... playing dead in the middle of the battlefield in the dark. The enemy spellcaster dropped an Evard's Black Tentacles, Edgie was caught almost in the middle of it and, ah, let's just say that a lot of ****** jokes were made. IIRC, he never even cast a single spell.
A few months after that, Edgie showed up one last time. This time he had a monk. And made a big deal about how his character smoked pipeweed, which was totally pot. And went on about how awesome that made his character.
He asked me if my character (a sorcerer) had any spells that could light his pipe. I told him that I could cast Burning Hands on him as long as he voluntarily failed his save.
He tried stealing a few knickknacks while the entire party was watching, no attempt at stealth. Dumb stuff, too, just pointless items he was trying to steal for the sake of stealing.
Then, while the party was traveling, we encountered a Mysterious Individual (almost certainly some sort of fiend in disguise) that would let you gamble for magic items. You had to wager a magic item of your own, then play a game (which was basically Three-card Monte). If you picked the right card, you got the item you were after. If you picked the wrong card, you got a different item and had to take it.
A couple of people played, one managed to get a powerful magic sword, two got stuck with magic spoons that could create bowls of bland, flavorless gruel. Edgie decided that he had to get a magic item, but he had none to wager. So he announced that he was going to wager his soul. Everybody at the table just sort of stared at him. The GM, who was kind of a GM-vs-players mentality guy, even flat out asked him if he was serious, then asked him to make a wisdom check after he said yes, then told him that based on his wisdom check he realized that this was an incredibly stupid idea.
Edgie said he was going to do it anyway.
The Mysterious Individual promptly took his soul, and that was the end of that character.
Edgie decided that he was being treated unfairly at this point and didn't come to any further games. He wasn't missed.
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Geez
“In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbithole, and that means comfort.”