Hi all! I recently received feedback on my character, Sarah, for an upcoming D&D campaign, and I’m looking for more opinions before finalizing her backstory. Here’s the concept:

Sarah’s life began in a cold, sterile lab run by the Arcane Foundry, where wizards and artificers created her through a twisted blend of magic and science. She was designed to be the perfect mental weapon, part of an experiment to create superhuman assassins by merging arcane energy with genetic material from powerful beings.

Growing up under rigorous training and tests, Sarah was conditioned to kill and suppress her emotions. But as her telepathic abilities developed, she started to hear the thoughts of those around her and realized they were all prisoners. At 14, she escaped during a rebellion in the lab, though many perished, and her and her siblings were transported to city where they lived underground until she before she left. Now, she is on a journey to discover the truth of her origins—whether she was cloned from a powerful sorcerer or something more.

Sarah uses her telepathy to survive, reading minds and even manipulating others by pushing thoughts or false memories into their heads, though this is risky and draining.

I wanted to keep the backstory fairly simple without too many complications, but I’d love to hear your thoughts.? Is it engaging enough? Feel free to be as critical as needed—I’m excited to get feedback as this is only my second campaign!

Thanks so much!

I'll be honest, my first thought on reading this is "oh no, not anyone cookie cutter edgy anti-hero backstory". Like, this is basically the standard backstory for the character type, and it puts up a lot of flags as what sounds like a Chaotic Evil character set up for "it's what my character would do" excuses for disruptive roleplay. Also, you're really stretching the capabilities of a D&D character here; Modify Memory is a 5th level spell and very limited in scope, so depending what level you're starting at and how level progression goes, it's gonna be a long time before you could actually try to put that part of the bio into practice, and even then it's very DM dependent on what you'll actually be able to get away with. Also the talk of "siblings" just kind of appeared without context or setup.

I'm not saying this is all objectively unworkable, but from a personal narrative standpoint it seems derivative and uninspired and from a group dynamics standpoint unless this was someone I already knew well and a fairly grim campaign premise to begin with I'd have a lot of concerns if someone brought a character like this to a table I was playing at- the ultimate weapon talk and the scope of the powers you're envisioning raise concerns about Main Character Syndrome, and the raised to kill without emotion and emphasis on messing with minds to get what she wants are flags for a munchkin/murder hobo.

All this said, if your group is okay with this premise and you can make it work so everyone is having a good time, go for it, but without context on what the campaign/group is like my general advice is that the character will be a lot more compatible with typical play if you dial things back a few notches. Having mental powers, a mysterious past/origin, and being morally pragmatic are all fine traits, but you want to keep in mind a) your character needs to be able to function cooperatively with others and b) unless the campaign is starting at a high level, your characters aren't going to be powerhouses from the outset, so you need to manage where they're starting at on that front and give them room to grow.

Thank you so much for your feedback! I really appreciate your help—I didn’t even realize it sounded like that, and it definitely wasn’t my intention for Sarah to come across that way. She’s actually quite the opposite of what you mentioned, and I definitely want her to be a character that can work well with the group and the story. Your insights really helped me rethink some aspects, so thank you again for helping me get my character through this!

I would recommend adding more detail and interest into her friends. It would help balance the edgy backstory with some happy notes. Who are these friends? What are they Like? Does Sarah have a best friend? Does she get any friends from outside the lab after escaping?

Here the revised story of Sarah is it good now ?

Sarah’s life began not in the warmth of a home, but in the cold, sterile confines of a laboratory run by the Arcane Foundry. Born from a twisted blend of magic and science, she was designed to be the perfect mental weapon. The Foundry, a secretive organization of wizards and artificers, aimed to create living weapons by merging arcane energy with the genetic material of powerful beings. Sarah was one of their most promising subjects, but she was not the only one.

Her early years were a blur of rigorous training, tests, and missions. Conditioned to suppress her emotions, she was trained to obey and kill without question. But as her telepathic abilities grew, so did her self-awareness. Sarah began hearing the thoughts and fears of those around her, including the other children in the program. It was through this awareness that she realized they were all prisoners, treated as tools rather than individuals.

At the age of 14, Sarah found an opportunity for escape. With the help of other children and a few sympathetic scientists, they organized a rebellion within the lab, causing a massive breach that allowed her to flee through a teleportation circle hidden in the lab. The circle transported her to the underground of a kingdom, far from the Foundry’s reach.

In this underground haven, Sarah found a new purpose. The place was became a home to orphaned children and kids who didn’t want to return home, and Sarah quickly became a motherly figure to them. She helped care for them, mentally and physically, providing support for a group of outcasts like herself. Her ability to read thoughts allowed her to understand their needs, and her nurturing nature made her a central figure in their lives.

Among these children, Sarah found two close friends. Marcos, a boy with divine abilities, had a stern and serious demeanor but was deeply loyal. His powers were a divine gift, allowing him to heal others, though he saw it as both a blessing and a burden. John, on the other hand, was more wild and untamed. He had been made from the blood of a werewolf, giving him animalistic features and instincts. As a blood hunter, he was fierce and protective, but Sarah saw past his rough exterior. Over time, John became her love interest, though their relationship was complicated by the dangers of their world.

Though she cared deeply for her friends, Sarah eventually realized that to find the answers she sought about her origins, she had to leave them behind. It was one of the hardest decisions she ever made. Her bond with John, in particular, weighed heavily on her heart. But her quest to understand who or what she was cloned from drove her forward. She suspected that she was cloned from a powerful sorcerer or being beyond mortal comprehension, but the truth remained elusive.

Now, Sarah’s journey is not just about survival but about discovering her place in the world.