I had the ludicrous idea of a Muppets D&D campaign, and we simply had to play it.
My players controlled Kermit the Ranger, and Fozzy the Bearbarian. The two arrived on a large island and, after a brief conversation with a certain gold-toothed musician, went to find some food. Fozzy crushed some eggs he found, and was swallowed by a giant pelican soon after. Kermit shot the bird with an arrow, causing it to spit out its catch, and the two continued. After a brief fiasco involving a very uninterested pest mascot and Fozzy's hat, the two found an inn to stay at. The one problem: It was on fire.
The next day, we played the Muppet Misadventures campaign again. Fozzy 'rescued' all the food in the inn's kitchen, carrying it by the armful, mouthful, and hatful. After that, they deemed that everything of importance was saved, and let the tavern burn to the ground. A short while later, Sam, the Eagle, the Paladin, 'joined' the party. They passed by a sinkhole and saw a large spire inside of it. Soon after, they were attacked by a giant spider made of bones. Kermit ripped off its legs and beat up the spider with it own limbs. After that, they found three magic items in the spider's den, and that was that.
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Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
Had a lovely session last night, running the 1:1 campaign for my fiancee.
In the previous session, she had formed a group of people from the trade caravan she is helping to guard (whilst smuggling stolen goods for the thieves guild) to hunt down an Owlbear which had left several carcasses on the road ahead. They found the owlbears (a pair), killed them, then adopted their baby which she called Sven.
The session started with her returning to the caravan and terrifying the arrogant gnome caravan guard by thrusting a baby owlbear in his face to see how cute it is. She then managed t oconvince the elderly dire wolf Rip to look after the owlbear (she is old and tired but surprisingly maternal).
The next day, the weather has turned bad and the caravan is going slowly. The guide comes to Molly (PC) and asks her to help find a safe campsite to weather the storm. Molly takes one sideroad whilst the guide rides on ahead.
Molly finds a great stone slab the size of a hill standing at an angle in a hollow, which could shelter the whole group. Inside the shelter she can see light flickering, so she investigates, and discovers a huge tree, covered in candles of all sizes, shapes and colours, the flames also burning different colours, and the tree is covered in ribbons which stir in a slight breeze. The air is warm and magical, the storm kepts out by the stone slab and the lay of the land.
After talking to the only person there - a kindly tortle tea trader - she finds out that she is in a Fey Circle, and it is a wishing tree, as well as how to use it - go into the cave of candles to find your candle, leave an offering in its place, then write your wish upon a ribbon and tie it to the tree, leave the candle on the tree, and perhaps your wish will come true.
Molly did so, finding a squat purple candle which burnt with a green flame (I asked her to describe her perfect candle), and then made her wish, leaving an elemental gem behind to wish for a Natures Mantle (she really wants one!) and then deferring to buy any Tea from the Tortle who showed her how, saying she would buy some when she got back.
She went back for the caravan, and helped them through the storm to the hollow, only to find the magic was gone - the tree was not there, nor was the Tortle. The hollow still offered shelter, but the air was cold now. The runes on the rocks around the circle, which before had seemed almost naturally formed, were now scratched into the rocks and covered with ivy.
What had happened was that Molly had passed into the feywild, and had the fortune to meet a kind resident (who advised her to never give her name away in a fey circle). When she got back, the veil had fallen back in place, and they rturned to the mundane shelter of the material plane.
The wishing tree:
All told, a fun session, filled with tension as I asked her how she was doing things and she pondered if there was a wrong answer! Afterwards, I asked her what she thought the tree was, and she said "I think my soul has just been forfeited to the Tortle"! Such a pessimist!
The teas would have been interesting - they were brewed from memories, so by drinking it you will dream the memories of another, and get some benefits. They were all one-use things which the DM controls, so will only be revealed when they come up (EG: remember when you drank that Mortality tea, which showed you how it was to die? Well, now you're dying, and because of those memories you get advantage on death saves!). The Tortle did say "I will be here when you make it back", so she will likely be back later in the campaign.
Last night was our first session of a new campaign and boy was it funny! We're a group that all met through Roll20 so we're not very familiar with each other.
We started in your typical tavern and it just went down from there, while out shopping to kill some time before night one party member grabbed a shiny object off a merchants cart and we almost got killed by 4 assassins, it took a lot of smooth-talking to get out of that one.
Then we made it to the wall we were trying to get past and what was supposed to take 5 mins ended up taking over an hour because out of 5 of us only 2 AREN'T wearing heavy armor so sneaking is almost impossible. Once one person got through they tried creating a distraction on the other side by lighting a building on fire, then we found out the fancy building is fireproof so the guards just saw him punching a building. We were almost swarmed by 12 guards so we had to run back and go through the sewers underneath the wall instead. Due to sneaking into a fancy expensive city, we had to get cleaned off after the sewers so we washed off in someone's nice fountain in their yard.
We finally made it to our destination and that's where we encounter several imps and 2 evil people, most of us ended up bloodied before we finished that fight. Our DM did tell us he was impressed we all survived because it's not unusual for someone to die in that battle.
While still feeling pretty beaten the group went upstairs and we ended finding the person we were looking for being guarded by 2 literal demons so...
Narration after resolving last combat action of the session, "I'm not going to describe a for all purposes telephone pole sized crossbow bolt's effects on a humanoid body when it crits said humanoid, we've been playing enough that I trust you all to use your imagination on this."
Spoilers for folks who watch Book of Boba Fett:
Played Thursday, had an involved chase sequence where the characters were on a "sandship" (regular ship with skis) being chased by Infernal War Machines that were basically speeder bikes with protective wrappings around their bodies and faces that attempted boarding, folks getting knocked overboard and taking bludgeoning from high falling off a speeding ship, etc ... I had not seen this week's episode of Book of Boba Fett until Friday and laughed at the irony when some folks had messaged during game "I see what you're doing, and you're getting the feel right, cool". They all thought it was funny last night when I wrote them "I just saw the episode and had no idea, pretty cool though.
Cleric: Taste my fireball! -Kills 7 enemies- Cleric: Oh wow, this spell is great! -30 minutes later- Cleric: Taste my fireball! -Does 11 damage against an enemy that passed its save- Cleric: This spell is trash, how can people say its good? DM (Me): It's very good when fighting multiple enemies Cleric: Oh, so then we should provoke all the enemies in the dungeon at once to make the most of it... DM: Yes, that sounds like a great idea Paladin: No, do not do that!
My players killed a bunch of gryphons attempting to kill the caravan's horses. They next killed six giant poisonous spiders and two spider shepherds. They collected loot that had fallen to the forest floor from their webs. They killed a handful of dirt goblins and avoided a fight with a being from the elemental plane of water.
The arrived in the regional capitol and reluctantly accepted the mission to make contact with the Orcs after thirty years of war (which the humans started) in hopes that someday they could establish diplomatic relations as two nations.
After this they departed for the Ranger's camp on the border and encountered fey using illusions to drive home their request for the humans not to fell trees from their forest.
They are level 3 and I expect them to reach level 4 before they cross the border into the Orc lands.
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Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
A spy in the House of Køk has kidnapped the mutant telepath Calura and is transporting him into the clutches of Lolth! Calura's cousins race in hot pursuit, riding to his rescue (or, failing that, to recover the Reality Stone from his corpse before Lolth can acquire it).
However, even unconscious, Calura's powers have grown to Akira-like proportions and the pursuers must run a reality-warping gauntlet through a series of scenes from Calura's memory. First they relive a battle among the stars in which a Giff fleet shot down a mind flayer nautiloid in orbit around the planet. This involved a complicated series of jumps through empty space, after which Krump was able to penetrate the hull of a nautiloid and gain ingress to a scene from centuries later, when those same surviving mind flayers performed hideous experiments on Calura, first afflicting him with his mutations.
The mind flayer fight was tough. The three cousins I had at the table are all fighters or rangers, so the INT saves were not so great and everyone's skull got drilled a little (even the one piloting the mech), but no one's brain got sucked out. When they went to release Calura, he disappeared.
After another reality warp, Krump was horrified to find they had returned to the Crawling Asylum, and were once again in the sinister clutches of Princess Pink, a villain from last summer. As is customary, Princess Pink refused to allow the rescuers to go any further until they played a song (two of the cousins are taking guitar and I told them a short three chord song they had to learn in a few minutes); answered a riddle; and solved a problem. The answer to the riddle was "needles and pins" and when they guessed wrong she would stab them on the palm of the hand with a needle or a pin as a hint. The problem was an electrical door with the control panel disconnected from the power supply . I had thought the three might cooperate and form a human chain to connect the power supply and controls, but the players had a much better idea and simply polymorphed Will's arms to be 10' long. The doors opened and the three were covered in a wave of demon ichor, as had happened to Calura.
Next there was supposed to be a huge fight, but I had to cut it. The three found the actual Calura outside the old temple on a makeshift altar with some kind of plant growing into him, like a Black Mercy from Superman. As they cut away the plant, they were surrounded by troops wearing the garb of Lolth! A drow woman of noble carriage, but wearing clothes of a style unfamiliar to the drow of Zijdespin, came forth and said...
"I am Eclavdra of Eilserv, Planar Vicereine to Her Imperial Serenity, Lolth, Dark Mother of the Drow! Your pitiful rebellion has reached its end!"
My players staved off a goblin war party by crossing a river and blocking the bridge with Spike Growth on the far bank. Then they out sniped the goblins using longbows and light crossbows against their short bows.
Then they arrived in the next Barony and found out the Barony is not a respectable fellow, neither wanting to pay to have adventurers track down and kill goblins nor use his guards and himself to track them down. One of the players, looking for a way to sell some Worg meat attempted to break into a clerics office at 6:30am. She wanted to make a profit but give the meat to someone who wished to help feed the poor. The cleric, who caught her breaking in using her dagger to wrestle the door open, simply told her to go see a butcher about it.
A late morning start caused them to reach a river ford just before lunch. There they encountered four mud mephits and a water weird. They killed the mud mephits but the water weird slipped away. We ended the session because they rolled initiative against a bandit attack and thought it was a bit late to do that. So next session starts with a fight against the bandits.
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Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
Session before last, party spent literally the entire session in line outside of customs house at Port Soulspit, a locale I put in Avernus on the banks of the Styx. Their goal was to case the paperwork administration pursuant to forging a manifest and travel authorization across Avernus as part of infiltrating a mercenary convoy brining tribute from across the planes to the Temple of Tiamat. There was contemplation of cutting in line, followed by confrontation when someone decided to act on the thinking, where it was learned "When in Hell, do as the Devils do" and standing in line is what one does in Hell.
Last session, heisted Port Soulspit's Bureaucracy Depot for the papers, inks, implements and waxes used to to prepare travel docs in Avernus, pursuant to this whole forgery scheme. They couldn't locate a proper seal to affix but the forger thinks they can work something up. Close call with some Port security questioning the party's authorization led to a party member getting frisked, which could have gone bad had another character not palmed off the frisked characters demon gem (basically an elemental gem that holds a shadow demon instead ... walking around a largely infernal military facility with abyssal weapons isn't cool).
Next session, forging skill challenges (both forgery, plus composing legalese in both Draconic and Infernal), maybe bribing a Devil to help "authenticate the document" (because of Tiamat instability through the planes, the Hells are a bit shaken up some ambition is starting to corrupt order in some degrees, it's likely they may find someone willing to trade false witness for false witness of the documents, it'll be an interesting moral trial for the characters to see what they'll do). Finish off with a crossing of the Styx when Blood War battle ensues, of course.
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Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
Session before last, party spent literally the entire session in line outside of customs house at Port Soulspit, a locale I put in Avernus on the banks of the Styx. Their goal was to case the paperwork administration pursuant to forging a manifest and travel authorization across Avernus as part of infiltrating a mercenary convoy brining tribute from across the planes to the Temple of Tiamat. There was contemplation of cutting in line, followed by confrontation when someone decided to act on the thinking, where it was learned "When in Hell, do as the Devils do" and standing in line is what one does in Hell.
Last session, heisted Port Soulspit's Bureaucracy Depot for the papers, inks, implements and waxes used to to prepare travel docs in Avernus, pursuant to this whole forgery scheme. They couldn't locate a proper seal to affix but the forger thinks they can work something up. Close call with some Port security questioning the party's authorization led to a party member getting frisked, which could have gone bad had another character not palmed off the frisked characters demon gem (basically an elemental gem that holds a shadow demon instead ... walking around a largely infernal military facility with abyssal weapons isn't cool).
Next session, forging skill challenges (both forgery, plus composing legalese in both Draconic and Infernal), maybe bribing a Devil to help "authenticate the document" (because of Tiamat instability through the planes, the Hells are a bit shaken up some ambition is starting to corrupt order in some degrees, it's likely they may find someone willing to trade false witness for false witness of the documents, it'll be an interesting moral trial for the characters to see what they'll do). Finish off with a crossing of the Styx when Blood War battle ensues, of course.
Awesome! I love the idea of waiting in a line in hell being like waiting in line at the DMV
Awesome! I love the idea of waiting in a line in hell being like waiting in line at the DMV
There's actually a hanging thread from our Christmas one shot that may put the characters in Infernal traffic court for parking Santa's sleigh in a no parking zone at the Wandering Emporium and framing Krampus for it. The Hells like the rest of the universe has larger concerns; but there is an ongoing traffic investigation into the scofflaws that did this and left Krampus falsely on the hook.
Another thing along the "In Hell, you stay in line" is the Dues ex Machina. Someone typed that on this forum instead of deus ex machina, so I just ran with the idea. Basically it's the Hells' payment system for its mercenaries, and can also take deposits. Coin, gems, etc are placed in a container kinda like at those old school pneumatic tubes some banks still use and are also found in the guts of old office buildings, though the actual transport of the material is more like a teleportation system. But the interface is a large rectangular slab not unlike the interface at many fast food drive thrus, with banking transaction interaction between customer and system attendant being a lot like this (and the transactions are never correct and attached to all sorts of fees):
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Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
The last few sessions I DM'd were continuing the Muppet Misadventures campaign. After finding the weapons in the spider's den, Kermit, Fozzie, and Sam went to the Bluffs in search of a town to stay in. After a while of climbing, they grouped up with Gonzo the Great, a daring rouge and cartographer by trade. Following one of Gonzo's maps, the gang stumbled across a tower (a 9th-level dungeon), and foolishly decided to go in. Fozzie tried to pet a creature he found in there, which turned out to be a Glabrezu, and we ended the session on a cliffhanger.
The next session, the Glabrezu promptly knocked out everyone in the party. The crew then woke up in small cells, before being punted out into an arena where numerous demons watched. After being roasted by the announcer, the games began! 2 troglodytes, 3 monodrones, 4 stirges, a Fire Snake and a Carrion Crawler later, they won! The disappointed audience left, the announcer stormed out in frustration, and the Glabrezu from earlier knocked all of them unconscious again. They all woke up in a pile outside of the tower, and we ended the session.
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Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
at my last session, we were going down to the lower ring of the city, in a school themed campaign after our friend had gone down there, and we heard strange quaking from the lower ring. we were stopped by the enforcers in the central ring, and both of our druids wildshaped to run off, the sorcerer (me) cast mage armor in the shape of a little tykes car, and ran off, our wizard was negotiating, and our other wizard was the one in the lower ring. our kobold hexblade was just walking through the central ring menacingly with his hand on the hilt. then the session was cut off.
Party spent session in Port Soulspit. Skill challenges for forging travel authorization through Avernus in Infernal and Draconic. A devil, actually devil form of a deep cut NPC from prior games, offered to help them "authenticate" the document in a transaction of a "lie for a lie" or "false witness for false witness." During convo mentions of Mephisopheles and Cania with some loaded references to a lot of the gloves coming off among the Big 9 in the Hells since Tiamat's transmultiplanar disruption (Mephistopheles maybe looking to divert Zariels magical munitions resources for his own research, possible thread). Explains Devils grant authority on behalf of their Archdevil. One character takes up devil on lie for lie trade winds up implicating a child in the theft of a loaf of bread, repercussions to be determined. Devil burns claw into document, which leaves a burn print outlined in unmelting ice crystals because Cania.
Party is also outfitted with a Devil's Ride and a Demon Grinder, the latter into which they've loaded a large palette of Dragonwine which they're told to be very careful with en route to temple of Tiamat. Goblin they associated with in the Prime Material Plane reaches out to them as fellow humanoids joining the caravan. Helps them with a workaround with Infernal War Machines and soul coins. Goblins have worked out an alternative power system using Acheron Anger Boxes, which idle with a slightly less raucous seething grumble as opposed to the screams of an anguished soul. Goblin is part of a crew led by a Hobgoblin named Dom, a Bugbear names Luk'hobbes who is definitely stronger and arguably more skilled than Dom and who triggers massives episodes of insecurity in Dom so that the crew have a standing rule that Dom and Luk'hobbes have to always be 15' apart preferably Luk behind Dom so as to offset Luk's superior height. Also among the goblins is Han, who has both Shadow Monk and Phantom features and in addtion to being ultracompetent is always snacking. Goblin Letty who seems second in overall competency to Han. Tej seems to be the crews sort of tinkerer and foil to goblin Roman who is sorta just there, reluctantly. The party knows their goblin contact as Behnie but his full name is actually Behnshaw. Skill challenges to remove the soul manifolds from the infernal war machines and replace them with anger boxes, and install Demon Ichor bottles to supplement the machine's speed. During installating Behnie got wind of the back of the Demon Grinder's cargo and asked what that smell was. When told it was dragonwine, Behnie sniffed some more and said, "Maybe, maybe some of it, but the rest I dunno <big inhale> smells like, smells ... like victory. Some day this Blood Wars gonna end." (Older adults players in the party are now all on edge about the cargo and the need for "quickwick" basically a spider spun fuse during last session's supply run is now apparent ... this isn't exactly tribute to Tiamat, though it will be a statement).
Goblins said the main convoy is crossing the Styx in flat barges which will make them sitting ducks, so they've commissioned alternative transport. A massive white whale with extensive armor plated interventions into its skin as well as a iron domed Yuggoloth crewed cockpit beaches itself and it's jaws are mechanically propped open. The party parks their vehicles with their goblins and a crew of undead (whose wight leader was defeated by the party in the Shadowfell, but who is allying themselves on this trip because of their capabilities). Goblins and undead being, and advise the party to being, layering some sort of lard over their vehicles, particularly the tires and backs. Game ends with the jaws closing, as they close they notice an iron gate in the back of the Whales mouth lowering compartmentalizing the parties away from the rest of the whale's interior. The party feels the whale moving back into the Styx and the party's own Hobgoblin overhears Roman complaining in Goblin, "This is crazy. Man, we are not in Baldur's Gate. I was cool with some of the ridiculous high wire stuff we got up to back there; but this. I mean, we're about to be whale bile rocketed through the air into an Infernal warzone. I'm just saying, this is not what we do!" Despite that sort of bickering banter, the goblins seem to have a strong bond, like family.
Party member told me I shouldn't use 'Homebrew bullsh*t' after I threw a Quickling at the party and he assumed that only someone with a poor understanding of balance would create a creature with 120ft walking speed, evasion and having all attacks made against it have disadvantage. It's become one of my new favourite creatures and I think giving it some class levels in rogue might be a 'fun' thing to do in future.
I had been running a campaign for a few sessions previously, when one new player wanted to join, two of the original five wanted new characters, and one of the original five quit. I made the new ones part of a search party the town had sent looking for the others.
They were too good at the roleplaying part and attacked them on sight, "not knowing" that it was a rescue party.
I spent 45 minutes DMing a bunch of serious melee infighting.
In the end, TWO CHARACTERS out of seven survived. Surprisingly, they were...
the 2nd-level bard and the 1st-level wizard!
Oh, I also forgot to mention that in the previous session in that campaign, the druid defeated the main villain. It went something like this:
Main villain and party are trapped in a room with no exits (except a portal, but none of them know that it's under the statue in the middle of the room). There is a powerful magic crystal that can channel elemental energy.
Villain: takes crystal and knocks everyone out with Burning Hands, Mud Splat (a homebrew that I'm still transferring to D&DB), and Storm Sphere. Druid: wakes up one hour later and finds the villain staring down at them. Villain (holding wand threateningly): "How can we get out of this room? You know, don't you? Don't you??" Druid: "Yer a wizard, Harry!" Villain: "So that's the password to get out of here?" <walks around room repeating it> Druid: grabs crystal and uses all of its charges to cast Fireball at 6th level, not remembering that the villain was a RED DRAGONBORN Villain: shrieks in pain Druid: turns into a wolf and eats the villain gruesomely
There was also a fiasco involving the tiefling bard, a dangerously damaged floor, a goblin, a sentient Flame Tongue sword that wanted to assassinate the druid, and a wolf, but I'll detail that later.
Just staring a new campaign don't know anything about the campaign but just finished the character and art might post again on the status of the campaign
Had a fun oneshot on Tuesday night where the party was asked to secure a trade route through the hinterlands. We found that the old road was the site of a generations-long war between crows and scarecrows, who had been left behind when civilisation moved on. We managed to not only get paid for the job of clearing the roads, but to also secure a yearly payment for each year the road remained safe, and then managed to pursuade the crows to guard the road with their army by promising them a shiny coin every year that they do so.
All in all, we brokered peace between the crows and the last scarecrow, and secured the road, and managed to make a contract to have the road guarded. All in all, it was a very lucrative oneshot!
I had the ludicrous idea of a Muppets D&D campaign, and we simply had to play it.
My players controlled Kermit the Ranger, and Fozzy the Bearbarian. The two arrived on a large island and, after a brief conversation with a certain gold-toothed musician, went to find some food. Fozzy crushed some eggs he found, and was swallowed by a giant pelican soon after. Kermit shot the bird with an arrow, causing it to spit out its catch, and the two continued. After a brief fiasco involving a very uninterested pest mascot and Fozzy's hat, the two found an inn to stay at. The one problem: It was on fire.
The next day, we played the Muppet Misadventures campaign again. Fozzy 'rescued' all the food in the inn's kitchen, carrying it by the armful, mouthful, and hatful. After that, they deemed that everything of importance was saved, and let the tavern burn to the ground. A short while later, Sam, the Eagle, the Paladin, 'joined' the party. They passed by a sinkhole and saw a large spire inside of it. Soon after, they were attacked by a giant spider made of bones. Kermit ripped off its legs and beat up the spider with it own limbs. After that, they found three magic items in the spider's den, and that was that.
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
Had a lovely session last night, running the 1:1 campaign for my fiancee.
In the previous session, she had formed a group of people from the trade caravan she is helping to guard (whilst smuggling stolen goods for the thieves guild) to hunt down an Owlbear which had left several carcasses on the road ahead. They found the owlbears (a pair), killed them, then adopted their baby which she called Sven.
The session started with her returning to the caravan and terrifying the arrogant gnome caravan guard by thrusting a baby owlbear in his face to see how cute it is. She then managed t oconvince the elderly dire wolf Rip to look after the owlbear (she is old and tired but surprisingly maternal).
The next day, the weather has turned bad and the caravan is going slowly. The guide comes to Molly (PC) and asks her to help find a safe campsite to weather the storm. Molly takes one sideroad whilst the guide rides on ahead.
Molly finds a great stone slab the size of a hill standing at an angle in a hollow, which could shelter the whole group. Inside the shelter she can see light flickering, so she investigates, and discovers a huge tree, covered in candles of all sizes, shapes and colours, the flames also burning different colours, and the tree is covered in ribbons which stir in a slight breeze. The air is warm and magical, the storm kepts out by the stone slab and the lay of the land.
After talking to the only person there - a kindly tortle tea trader - she finds out that she is in a Fey Circle, and it is a wishing tree, as well as how to use it - go into the cave of candles to find your candle, leave an offering in its place, then write your wish upon a ribbon and tie it to the tree, leave the candle on the tree, and perhaps your wish will come true.
Molly did so, finding a squat purple candle which burnt with a green flame (I asked her to describe her perfect candle), and then made her wish, leaving an elemental gem behind to wish for a Natures Mantle (she really wants one!) and then deferring to buy any Tea from the Tortle who showed her how, saying she would buy some when she got back.
She went back for the caravan, and helped them through the storm to the hollow, only to find the magic was gone - the tree was not there, nor was the Tortle. The hollow still offered shelter, but the air was cold now. The runes on the rocks around the circle, which before had seemed almost naturally formed, were now scratched into the rocks and covered with ivy.
What had happened was that Molly had passed into the feywild, and had the fortune to meet a kind resident (who advised her to never give her name away in a fey circle). When she got back, the veil had fallen back in place, and they rturned to the mundane shelter of the material plane.
The wishing tree:
All told, a fun session, filled with tension as I asked her how she was doing things and she pondered if there was a wrong answer! Afterwards, I asked her what she thought the tree was, and she said "I think my soul has just been forfeited to the Tortle"! Such a pessimist!
The teas would have been interesting - they were brewed from memories, so by drinking it you will dream the memories of another, and get some benefits. They were all one-use things which the DM controls, so will only be revealed when they come up (EG: remember when you drank that Mortality tea, which showed you how it was to die? Well, now you're dying, and because of those memories you get advantage on death saves!). The Tortle did say "I will be here when you make it back", so she will likely be back later in the campaign.
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
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Last night was our first session of a new campaign and boy was it funny! We're a group that all met through Roll20 so we're not very familiar with each other.
We started in your typical tavern and it just went down from there, while out shopping to kill some time before night one party member grabbed a shiny object off a merchants cart and we almost got killed by 4 assassins, it took a lot of smooth-talking to get out of that one.
Then we made it to the wall we were trying to get past and what was supposed to take 5 mins ended up taking over an hour because out of 5 of us only 2 AREN'T wearing heavy armor so sneaking is almost impossible. Once one person got through they tried creating a distraction on the other side by lighting a building on fire, then we found out the fancy building is fireproof so the guards just saw him punching a building. We were almost swarmed by 12 guards so we had to run back and go through the sewers underneath the wall instead. Due to sneaking into a fancy expensive city, we had to get cleaned off after the sewers so we washed off in someone's nice fountain in their yard.
We finally made it to our destination and that's where we encounter several imps and 2 evil people, most of us ended up bloodied before we finished that fight. Our DM did tell us he was impressed we all survived because it's not unusual for someone to die in that battle.
While still feeling pretty beaten the group went upstairs and we ended finding the person we were looking for being guarded by 2 literal demons so...
Narration after resolving last combat action of the session, "I'm not going to describe a for all purposes telephone pole sized crossbow bolt's effects on a humanoid body when it crits said humanoid, we've been playing enough that I trust you all to use your imagination on this."
Spoilers for folks who watch Book of Boba Fett:
Played Thursday, had an involved chase sequence where the characters were on a "sandship" (regular ship with skis) being chased by Infernal War Machines that were basically speeder bikes with protective wrappings around their bodies and faces that attempted boarding, folks getting knocked overboard and taking bludgeoning from high falling off a speeding ship, etc ... I had not seen this week's episode of Book of Boba Fett until Friday and laughed at the irony when some folks had messaged during game "I see what you're doing, and you're getting the feel right, cool". They all thought it was funny last night when I wrote them "I just saw the episode and had no idea, pretty cool though.
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
One of my player's was being his usual self:
Cleric: Taste my fireball!
-Kills 7 enemies-
Cleric: Oh wow, this spell is great!
-30 minutes later-
Cleric: Taste my fireball!
-Does 11 damage against an enemy that passed its save-
Cleric: This spell is trash, how can people say its good?
DM (Me): It's very good when fighting multiple enemies
Cleric: Oh, so then we should provoke all the enemies in the dungeon at once to make the most of it...
DM: Yes, that sounds like a great idea
Paladin: No, do not do that!
My players killed a bunch of gryphons attempting to kill the caravan's horses. They next killed six giant poisonous spiders and two spider shepherds. They collected loot that had fallen to the forest floor from their webs. They killed a handful of dirt goblins and avoided a fight with a being from the elemental plane of water.
The arrived in the regional capitol and reluctantly accepted the mission to make contact with the Orcs after thirty years of war (which the humans started) in hopes that someday they could establish diplomatic relations as two nations.
After this they departed for the Ranger's camp on the border and encountered fey using illusions to drive home their request for the humans not to fell trees from their forest.
They are level 3 and I expect them to reach level 4 before they cross the border into the Orc lands.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
A spy in the House of Køk has kidnapped the mutant telepath Calura and is transporting him into the clutches of Lolth! Calura's cousins race in hot pursuit, riding to his rescue (or, failing that, to recover the Reality Stone from his corpse before Lolth can acquire it).
However, even unconscious, Calura's powers have grown to Akira-like proportions and the pursuers must run a reality-warping gauntlet through a series of scenes from Calura's memory. First they relive a battle among the stars in which a Giff fleet shot down a mind flayer nautiloid in orbit around the planet. This involved a complicated series of jumps through empty space, after which Krump was able to penetrate the hull of a nautiloid and gain ingress to a scene from centuries later, when those same surviving mind flayers performed hideous experiments on Calura, first afflicting him with his mutations.
The mind flayer fight was tough. The three cousins I had at the table are all fighters or rangers, so the INT saves were not so great and everyone's skull got drilled a little (even the one piloting the mech), but no one's brain got sucked out. When they went to release Calura, he disappeared.
After another reality warp, Krump was horrified to find they had returned to the Crawling Asylum, and were once again in the sinister clutches of Princess Pink, a villain from last summer. As is customary, Princess Pink refused to allow the rescuers to go any further until they played a song (two of the cousins are taking guitar and I told them a short three chord song they had to learn in a few minutes); answered a riddle; and solved a problem. The answer to the riddle was "needles and pins" and when they guessed wrong she would stab them on the palm of the hand with a needle or a pin as a hint. The problem was an electrical door with the control panel disconnected from the power supply . I had thought the three might cooperate and form a human chain to connect the power supply and controls, but the players had a much better idea and simply polymorphed Will's arms to be 10' long. The doors opened and the three were covered in a wave of demon ichor, as had happened to Calura.
Next there was supposed to be a huge fight, but I had to cut it. The three found the actual Calura outside the old temple on a makeshift altar with some kind of plant growing into him, like a Black Mercy from Superman. As they cut away the plant, they were surrounded by troops wearing the garb of Lolth! A drow woman of noble carriage, but wearing clothes of a style unfamiliar to the drow of Zijdespin, came forth and said...
"I am Eclavdra of Eilserv, Planar Vicereine to Her Imperial Serenity, Lolth, Dark Mother of the Drow! Your pitiful rebellion has reached its end!"
And we stopped there.
My players staved off a goblin war party by crossing a river and blocking the bridge with Spike Growth on the far bank. Then they out sniped the goblins using longbows and light crossbows against their short bows.
Then they arrived in the next Barony and found out the Barony is not a respectable fellow, neither wanting to pay to have adventurers track down and kill goblins nor use his guards and himself to track them down. One of the players, looking for a way to sell some Worg meat attempted to break into a clerics office at 6:30am. She wanted to make a profit but give the meat to someone who wished to help feed the poor. The cleric, who caught her breaking in using her dagger to wrestle the door open, simply told her to go see a butcher about it.
A late morning start caused them to reach a river ford just before lunch. There they encountered four mud mephits and a water weird. They killed the mud mephits but the water weird slipped away. We ended the session because they rolled initiative against a bandit attack and thought it was a bit late to do that. So next session starts with a fight against the bandits.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
Session before last, party spent literally the entire session in line outside of customs house at Port Soulspit, a locale I put in Avernus on the banks of the Styx. Their goal was to case the paperwork administration pursuant to forging a manifest and travel authorization across Avernus as part of infiltrating a mercenary convoy brining tribute from across the planes to the Temple of Tiamat. There was contemplation of cutting in line, followed by confrontation when someone decided to act on the thinking, where it was learned "When in Hell, do as the Devils do" and standing in line is what one does in Hell.
Last session, heisted Port Soulspit's Bureaucracy Depot for the papers, inks, implements and waxes used to to prepare travel docs in Avernus, pursuant to this whole forgery scheme. They couldn't locate a proper seal to affix but the forger thinks they can work something up. Close call with some Port security questioning the party's authorization led to a party member getting frisked, which could have gone bad had another character not palmed off the frisked characters demon gem (basically an elemental gem that holds a shadow demon instead ... walking around a largely infernal military facility with abyssal weapons isn't cool).
Next session, forging skill challenges (both forgery, plus composing legalese in both Draconic and Infernal), maybe bribing a Devil to help "authenticate the document" (because of Tiamat instability through the planes, the Hells are a bit shaken up some ambition is starting to corrupt order in some degrees, it's likely they may find someone willing to trade false witness for false witness of the documents, it'll be an interesting moral trial for the characters to see what they'll do). Finish off with a crossing of the Styx when Blood War battle ensues, of course.
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
Awesome! I love the idea of waiting in a line in hell being like waiting in line at the DMV
Updog
There's actually a hanging thread from our Christmas one shot that may put the characters in Infernal traffic court for parking Santa's sleigh in a no parking zone at the Wandering Emporium and framing Krampus for it. The Hells like the rest of the universe has larger concerns; but there is an ongoing traffic investigation into the scofflaws that did this and left Krampus falsely on the hook.
Another thing along the "In Hell, you stay in line" is the Dues ex Machina. Someone typed that on this forum instead of deus ex machina, so I just ran with the idea. Basically it's the Hells' payment system for its mercenaries, and can also take deposits. Coin, gems, etc are placed in a container kinda like at those old school pneumatic tubes some banks still use and are also found in the guts of old office buildings, though the actual transport of the material is more like a teleportation system. But the interface is a large rectangular slab not unlike the interface at many fast food drive thrus, with banking transaction interaction between customer and system attendant being a lot like this (and the transactions are never correct and attached to all sorts of fees):
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
The last few sessions I DM'd were continuing the Muppet Misadventures campaign. After finding the weapons in the spider's den, Kermit, Fozzie, and Sam went to the Bluffs in search of a town to stay in. After a while of climbing, they grouped up with Gonzo the Great, a daring rouge and cartographer by trade. Following one of Gonzo's maps, the gang stumbled across a tower (a 9th-level dungeon), and foolishly decided to go in. Fozzie tried to pet a creature he found in there, which turned out to be a Glabrezu, and we ended the session on a cliffhanger.
The next session, the Glabrezu promptly knocked out everyone in the party. The crew then woke up in small cells, before being punted out into an arena where numerous demons watched. After being roasted by the announcer, the games began! 2 troglodytes, 3 monodrones, 4 stirges, a Fire Snake and a Carrion Crawler later, they won! The disappointed audience left, the announcer stormed out in frustration, and the Glabrezu from earlier knocked all of them unconscious again. They all woke up in a pile outside of the tower, and we ended the session.
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
at my last session, we were going down to the lower ring of the city, in a school themed campaign after our friend had gone down there, and we heard strange quaking from the lower ring. we were stopped by the enforcers in the central ring, and both of our druids wildshaped to run off, the sorcerer (me) cast mage armor in the shape of a little tykes car, and ran off, our wizard was negotiating, and our other wizard was the one in the lower ring. our kobold hexblade was just walking through the central ring menacingly with his hand on the hilt. then the session was cut off.
Party spent session in Port Soulspit. Skill challenges for forging travel authorization through Avernus in Infernal and Draconic. A devil, actually devil form of a deep cut NPC from prior games, offered to help them "authenticate" the document in a transaction of a "lie for a lie" or "false witness for false witness." During convo mentions of Mephisopheles and Cania with some loaded references to a lot of the gloves coming off among the Big 9 in the Hells since Tiamat's transmultiplanar disruption (Mephistopheles maybe looking to divert Zariels magical munitions resources for his own research, possible thread). Explains Devils grant authority on behalf of their Archdevil. One character takes up devil on lie for lie trade winds up implicating a child in the theft of a loaf of bread, repercussions to be determined. Devil burns claw into document, which leaves a burn print outlined in unmelting ice crystals because Cania.
Party is also outfitted with a Devil's Ride and a Demon Grinder, the latter into which they've loaded a large palette of Dragonwine which they're told to be very careful with en route to temple of Tiamat. Goblin they associated with in the Prime Material Plane reaches out to them as fellow humanoids joining the caravan. Helps them with a workaround with Infernal War Machines and soul coins. Goblins have worked out an alternative power system using Acheron Anger Boxes, which idle with a slightly less raucous seething grumble as opposed to the screams of an anguished soul. Goblin is part of a crew led by a Hobgoblin named Dom, a Bugbear names Luk'hobbes who is definitely stronger and arguably more skilled than Dom and who triggers massives episodes of insecurity in Dom so that the crew have a standing rule that Dom and Luk'hobbes have to always be 15' apart preferably Luk behind Dom so as to offset Luk's superior height. Also among the goblins is Han, who has both Shadow Monk and Phantom features and in addtion to being ultracompetent is always snacking. Goblin Letty who seems second in overall competency to Han. Tej seems to be the crews sort of tinkerer and foil to goblin Roman who is sorta just there, reluctantly. The party knows their goblin contact as Behnie but his full name is actually Behnshaw. Skill challenges to remove the soul manifolds from the infernal war machines and replace them with anger boxes, and install Demon Ichor bottles to supplement the machine's speed. During installating Behnie got wind of the back of the Demon Grinder's cargo and asked what that smell was. When told it was dragonwine, Behnie sniffed some more and said, "Maybe, maybe some of it, but the rest I dunno <big inhale> smells like, smells ... like victory. Some day this Blood Wars gonna end." (Older adults players in the party are now all on edge about the cargo and the need for "quickwick" basically a spider spun fuse during last session's supply run is now apparent ... this isn't exactly tribute to Tiamat, though it will be a statement).
Goblins said the main convoy is crossing the Styx in flat barges which will make them sitting ducks, so they've commissioned alternative transport. A massive white whale with extensive armor plated interventions into its skin as well as a iron domed Yuggoloth crewed cockpit beaches itself and it's jaws are mechanically propped open. The party parks their vehicles with their goblins and a crew of undead (whose wight leader was defeated by the party in the Shadowfell, but who is allying themselves on this trip because of their capabilities). Goblins and undead being, and advise the party to being, layering some sort of lard over their vehicles, particularly the tires and backs. Game ends with the jaws closing, as they close they notice an iron gate in the back of the Whales mouth lowering compartmentalizing the parties away from the rest of the whale's interior. The party feels the whale moving back into the Styx and the party's own Hobgoblin overhears Roman complaining in Goblin, "This is crazy. Man, we are not in Baldur's Gate. I was cool with some of the ridiculous high wire stuff we got up to back there; but this. I mean, we're about to be whale bile rocketed through the air into an Infernal warzone. I'm just saying, this is not what we do!" Despite that sort of bickering banter, the goblins seem to have a strong bond, like family.
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
Party member told me I shouldn't use 'Homebrew bullsh*t' after I threw a Quickling at the party and he assumed that only someone with a poor understanding of balance would create a creature with 120ft walking speed, evasion and having all attacks made against it have disadvantage. It's become one of my new favourite creatures and I think giving it some class levels in rogue might be a 'fun' thing to do in future.
I had been running a campaign for a few sessions previously, when one new player wanted to join, two of the original five wanted new characters, and one of the original five quit. I made the new ones part of a search party the town had sent looking for the others.
They were too good at the roleplaying part and attacked them on sight, "not knowing" that it was a rescue party.
I spent 45 minutes DMing a bunch of serious melee infighting.
In the end, TWO CHARACTERS out of seven survived. Surprisingly, they were...
the 2nd-level bard and the 1st-level wizard!
Oh, I also forgot to mention that in the previous session in that campaign, the druid defeated the main villain. It went something like this:
Main villain and party are trapped in a room with no exits (except a portal, but none of them know that it's under the statue in the middle of the room). There is a powerful magic crystal that can channel elemental energy.
Villain: takes crystal and knocks everyone out with Burning Hands, Mud Splat (a homebrew that I'm still transferring to D&DB), and Storm Sphere.
Druid: wakes up one hour later and finds the villain staring down at them.
Villain (holding wand threateningly): "How can we get out of this room? You know, don't you? Don't you??"
Druid: "Yer a wizard, Harry!"
Villain: "So that's the password to get out of here?" <walks around room repeating it>
Druid: grabs crystal and uses all of its charges to cast Fireball at 6th level, not remembering that the villain was a RED DRAGONBORN
Villain: shrieks in pain
Druid: turns into a wolf and eats the villain gruesomely
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
There was also a fiasco involving the tiefling bard, a dangerously damaged floor, a goblin, a sentient Flame Tongue sword that wanted to assassinate the druid, and a wolf, but I'll detail that later.
pm me the word "tomato"
she/her
Just staring a new campaign don't know anything about the campaign but just finished the character and art might post again on the status of the campaign
Had a fun oneshot on Tuesday night where the party was asked to secure a trade route through the hinterlands. We found that the old road was the site of a generations-long war between crows and scarecrows, who had been left behind when civilisation moved on. We managed to not only get paid for the job of clearing the roads, but to also secure a yearly payment for each year the road remained safe, and then managed to pursuade the crows to guard the road with their army by promising them a shiny coin every year that they do so.
All in all, we brokered peace between the crows and the last scarecrow, and secured the road, and managed to make a contract to have the road guarded. All in all, it was a very lucrative oneshot!
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
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DM FML!
So these ****ers...
escaped this ****er with nothing more than a sprained ankle...
because this ******* mobile brewery on ******* skis...
pulled by a team of these ****ers...
did a perfect ******* handbrake turn!