Hello I am a inexperienced DnD player so I am looking for some feedback for a character build and background I have been working on for a while.

• Backstory
  • inspiration
    • Jim Raynor of StarCraft fame is a farm boy who joins the marines to help support his family. Distinguishing himself as a leader he rose through the ranks. After falling under the influence of Tychus Findly Jim fell into the complex world of the marine corps' black market. After a botch heist the pair went AWAL and became outlaws. After another bad heist Tychus went to jail to give Jim the chance to survive. Jim settled down as a marshal starting a small family. After the Confederacy took his son and wife died of the flu, Jim join a anti Confederacy rebellion. He was given command of a small unit that became known Raynor's Raiders.    
  • background:
    • Marine (Because his roll in the military)
      • Personality trait: I am always working on some project or other
      • Ideals: Bravery. To act when others quake in fear. (Jim is known for his crazy bravery.)
      • Bonds: I must set an example of hope for those who have given up. (This seems fitting for a rebel)
      • Flaws: I hold grudges and have difficulty forgiving others. (Jim is abscessed on killing his old commander and his ex-girlfriend both who are mass murders)
    • Backstory
      • James' early life started on his family farm of four generations. Life on the farm was of hard work and his fathers life lessons.
      • At a young age his grandfather taught him how to shot and hunt.
      • on his 18th  naming day he was drafted into his lords levies. Though he was never been on board a ship before  he was placed on ship as a marine.
      • the love of his life was a sorceress that they served on the same ship. After an adventure for a necromancer's tomb she was abandon and left for dead.
      • Afterwards he went AWAL. 
    • Build
      • Race 
        • variant Human taking the crossbow expert feat
      • class
        • Fighter
          • 5 levels
          • Battle master
            • maneuvers
              • precession strike
              • rally 
              • menacingly strike
          • capping the 5 levels with sharp shooter
        • Rogue
          • levels 3 
          • archetype Thief for the quick hands skill for the ability to use items as a bounce action.
        • Artificer
          • the remainder of our levels will be in artificer 
          • Infusions 
            • the main one I want is the homunculus servant
          • Archetype Artillerist 
            • the ability score improvements are to improve our dex and intel.
      • My main reasoning for this mix is that the fighter and rogue's action economy will help enable the artificer's abelites. I chose fighter because he was a grunt, rogue because of his turning outlaw and I choose artificer because you can reskin the infusion of the homunculus servant and eldritch cannon as some Jim's iconic units. 

 Edit: A far as I understand it the homunculus servant can carry and move the eldritch cannon or any of the alchemist inventions delivering them to who needs them or a bag of explosives, its basic its a guided missile for a hundred gold.

 i love this idea! i think it would work great!

If I read this right you have a character build which goes into LVL 11 character which your DM may not go that far.

EDIT: There is also a limit to how much your servant can carry

Me being as a Starcraft 1-2 fan who is replaying all the campaigns and is building a D&D campaign based on the missions, this is absolutely amazing and very intricite so you might want to find a way to make this easier to do and you might want to probably play some more of StarCraft to get how he fights. You don't need to get his personality though, you got it right on it.