Hi all, I'm currently playing a Tiefling Life Cleric in an IRL campaign and, alas, I have fallen into the classic edgelord blunder of not wanting to make bonds with the party and being extremely antisocial. Further exacerbating the problem is my mild social anxiety and difficulties with improv. In D&D and real life I have a bad habit of not initiating conversations and struggling with keeping ones alive.
What should I do to make my character more interactive to the party and also reveal his backstory (which I think is really cool but also I'm doing that thing where I don't tell anyone besides the DM about my backstory and hope that they somehow figure it out)? I am guilty of stating "that's what my character would do," but am open to changing characters if that ends up being difficult.
There could be a moment that your character shares with another character that makes them realise they have something in common. This could come up organically or you may need to chat with another player to see if they could bring something up if you struggle to intiate conversations. Discovering they have something in common could lead to them opening up and slowly creating a bond. They don't have to be immediate besties, but could have just a bond of understanding to begin with, a shared experience can lead to such deep relationships.
What are the character's vulnerabilities? Like, personally? Maybe something thre party goes through triggers traumatic memories from the character's edgy backstory, maybe a deep-seated fear comes to light, and your character has nowhere else to turn to deal with it than to the other party members, cracking the tough exterior he'd worked so hard to maintain. Then you can gradually ease into social interaction so you get used to it as your character does.
When in character, while your character may be standoffish, he could relate to a certain aspect of another character and decide, "Hey, this guy/gal isn't so bad." and share a little something with them and decide that he would be down to help a like-minded individual/group out for a little while, even if he ends up leaving. Over time though, the character can realize that he lines up with these characters or this group.
It doesn't have to be all rainbows and unicorns though, you don't have to always agree with the party. The only thing you really need to do is find a reason for 'Why would this character stay with these people?'. If you can't find that reason, you can re-create some aspect of the character as only you and the DM seem to know your current backstory which can be tweaked, or you're probably better off playing another character if you're super married to how that character is now.
Character changes as far as backstory/class/race are generally okay early game from what I've found, as long as it doesn't change or retcon a whole bunch of what has already happened. But, as always, it is best to talk to the DM about this type of stuff I think.
In Dragon Heist game I get to play in I play a Drow Sorcerer, his entire purpose is to obtain power so that he may eventually return home and destroy his family and disrupt Menzoberranzan. He's stuck in a party with 3 females, something that irks him to no end, even more so because one is a goody two shoes Paladin, and another one has a crush on him, or at least thinks she's found someone to redeem. He's arrogant, narcissistic, and withholds information all the time. By all rights there's no reason for him to be working with these people, it's just a pain through and through.
However, I have taken an approach that works for him to be in this party. His goal to obtain power also involves having a network of people and creatures that can help him gather information and items. These three women are able to obtain information for him, they're able to go places he can't, and they're useful when trouble comes around. He can let them take to fighting, reserving his strength, he can milk them for information, and he can suggest to them that they do tasks which he doesn't want to be associated with. He's using the party for his own personal gain.
You can play the edgelord approach, still not make any bonds beyond something superficial, and continue to work with the party. Give them details of your past, the past you want them to think you have. However, when they learn the truth about part of your past, you can play it off as some sort of machismo not wanting to show vulnerability. Take a bit of time to figure out why your character would be with them, whether it be for personal gain, because they can hide you from your past, or because you simply find following them to be a temporary form of amusement.
Time builds comfort, and surviving deadly encounters can build bonds between the most unlikely of personalities. When you say "It's what my character would do" chances are, you're wrong. The problem many have is they play a caricature and not a person. They leave little room for their character to grow, or reach outside the character's comfort zones. What your character should be doing is feeling out the waters a bit. Putting a little of his true self out there to see how the group reacts. Not too much where he can't retreat if it doesn't go as expected, but enough to get a feel. Hopefully things go well, and he can further explore. Another thing to remember is that a person like this doesn't open up easily, but if they do, and they are accepted, that bond is about as strong a bond as you can get, as people for people who are hesitant to open up, it's a bigger deal when they do.
Also, let everyone ooc know what you're doing. As you've mentioned you're not fully comfortable and have mild anxiety, and it's very easy for the other players to be swept up in the plot to notice you trying something so rp delicate and they can without malice bulldoze over your attempts without even realizing it.
Something I always suggest to players that have realized they're playing Edge-lords: Your character has social anxiety. It's okay, it's understandable, and it offers a path to full party integration. They're just anxious about all these new people, don't have confidence, are afraid of being abandoned/maligned, etc. All they need is for an encounter (social/exploration/combat) to go very poorly for them, and for a party member to clearly go out of their way to save/rescue them. A clear indication of "you are valued", and that's all it takes for the character to open the floodgates of personal information.
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You don't know what fear is until you've witnessed a drunk bird divebombing you while carrying a screaming Kobold throwing fire anywhere and everywhere.
If you want to RP disclosure of your background, that’s fine, but if you struggle with it, I wouldn’t agonize over how you go about sharing. There is a lot of downtime that is never role played (why won’t FFG introduce bathroom mechanics!?). I think it’s perfectly fine to simply take the next camp/tavern opportunity to narrate as a DM might to kick things off. Just two or three sentences. Perhaps your DM could even setup the circumstances for this.
Something like: “We’ve been adventuring together for many months now. You’ve observed that <insert name> has maintained deliberate distance from the rest of the party. Despite that, the many forced marches and evening campfires have allowed you to piece together that <insert name here> is/has/will ...”
Hopefully you were able to solve your problem, it can be a pain to willingly admit you have an issue and still have trouble dealing with it. I hope your characters truly grows and you are happy with the direction, as well as glint moments where you will also find a way to feel more at ease yourself.
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Hi all, I'm currently playing a Tiefling Life Cleric in an IRL campaign and, alas, I have fallen into the classic edgelord blunder of not wanting to make bonds with the party and being extremely antisocial. Further exacerbating the problem is my mild social anxiety and difficulties with improv. In D&D and real life I have a bad habit of not initiating conversations and struggling with keeping ones alive.
What should I do to make my character more interactive to the party and also reveal his backstory (which I think is really cool but also I'm doing that thing where I don't tell anyone besides the DM about my backstory and hope that they somehow figure it out)? I am guilty of stating "that's what my character would do," but am open to changing characters if that ends up being difficult.
There could be a moment that your character shares with another character that makes them realise they have something in common. This could come up organically or you may need to chat with another player to see if they could bring something up if you struggle to intiate conversations. Discovering they have something in common could lead to them opening up and slowly creating a bond. They don't have to be immediate besties, but could have just a bond of understanding to begin with, a shared experience can lead to such deep relationships.
That sounds good, we're on hiatus for the summer so maybe I could look into that. Thanks!
If you have trouble with improv, maybe using indirect and 3rd person speech may help.
I stumbled over this gem on YouTube:
https://youtu.be/-Ek5GK5jcss?t=212
More Interesting Lock Picking Rules
What are the character's vulnerabilities? Like, personally? Maybe something thre party goes through triggers traumatic memories from the character's edgy backstory, maybe a deep-seated fear comes to light, and your character has nowhere else to turn to deal with it than to the other party members, cracking the tough exterior he'd worked so hard to maintain. Then you can gradually ease into social interaction so you get used to it as your character does.
When in character, while your character may be standoffish, he could relate to a certain aspect of another character and decide, "Hey, this guy/gal isn't so bad." and share a little something with them and decide that he would be down to help a like-minded individual/group out for a little while, even if he ends up leaving. Over time though, the character can realize that he lines up with these characters or this group.
It doesn't have to be all rainbows and unicorns though, you don't have to always agree with the party. The only thing you really need to do is find a reason for 'Why would this character stay with these people?'. If you can't find that reason, you can re-create some aspect of the character as only you and the DM seem to know your current backstory which can be tweaked, or you're probably better off playing another character if you're super married to how that character is now.
Character changes as far as backstory/class/race are generally okay early game from what I've found, as long as it doesn't change or retcon a whole bunch of what has already happened. But, as always, it is best to talk to the DM about this type of stuff I think.
In Dragon Heist game I get to play in I play a Drow Sorcerer, his entire purpose is to obtain power so that he may eventually return home and destroy his family and disrupt Menzoberranzan. He's stuck in a party with 3 females, something that irks him to no end, even more so because one is a goody two shoes Paladin, and another one has a crush on him, or at least thinks she's found someone to redeem. He's arrogant, narcissistic, and withholds information all the time. By all rights there's no reason for him to be working with these people, it's just a pain through and through.
However, I have taken an approach that works for him to be in this party. His goal to obtain power also involves having a network of people and creatures that can help him gather information and items. These three women are able to obtain information for him, they're able to go places he can't, and they're useful when trouble comes around. He can let them take to fighting, reserving his strength, he can milk them for information, and he can suggest to them that they do tasks which he doesn't want to be associated with. He's using the party for his own personal gain.
You can play the edgelord approach, still not make any bonds beyond something superficial, and continue to work with the party. Give them details of your past, the past you want them to think you have. However, when they learn the truth about part of your past, you can play it off as some sort of machismo not wanting to show vulnerability. Take a bit of time to figure out why your character would be with them, whether it be for personal gain, because they can hide you from your past, or because you simply find following them to be a temporary form of amusement.
Time builds comfort, and surviving deadly encounters can build bonds between the most unlikely of personalities. When you say "It's what my character would do" chances are, you're wrong. The problem many have is they play a caricature and not a person. They leave little room for their character to grow, or reach outside the character's comfort zones. What your character should be doing is feeling out the waters a bit. Putting a little of his true self out there to see how the group reacts. Not too much where he can't retreat if it doesn't go as expected, but enough to get a feel. Hopefully things go well, and he can further explore. Another thing to remember is that a person like this doesn't open up easily, but if they do, and they are accepted, that bond is about as strong a bond as you can get, as people for people who are hesitant to open up, it's a bigger deal when they do.
Also, let everyone ooc know what you're doing. As you've mentioned you're not fully comfortable and have mild anxiety, and it's very easy for the other players to be swept up in the plot to notice you trying something so rp delicate and they can without malice bulldoze over your attempts without even realizing it.
Something I always suggest to players that have realized they're playing Edge-lords: Your character has social anxiety. It's okay, it's understandable, and it offers a path to full party integration. They're just anxious about all these new people, don't have confidence, are afraid of being abandoned/maligned, etc. All they need is for an encounter (social/exploration/combat) to go very poorly for them, and for a party member to clearly go out of their way to save/rescue them. A clear indication of "you are valued", and that's all it takes for the character to open the floodgates of personal information.
You don't know what fear is until you've witnessed a drunk bird divebombing you while carrying a screaming Kobold throwing fire anywhere and everywhere.
If you want to RP disclosure of your background, that’s fine, but if you struggle with it, I wouldn’t agonize over how you go about sharing. There is a lot of downtime that is never role played (why won’t FFG introduce bathroom mechanics!?). I think it’s perfectly fine to simply take the next camp/tavern opportunity to narrate as a DM might to kick things off. Just two or three sentences. Perhaps your DM could even setup the circumstances for this.
Something like: “We’ve been adventuring together for many months now. You’ve observed that <insert name> has maintained deliberate distance from the rest of the party. Despite that, the many forced marches and evening campfires have allowed you to piece together that <insert name here> is/has/will ...”
There's some useful advice above. I just wanted to applaud you for recognizing the problem and asking for help.
Hopefully you were able to solve your problem, it can be a pain to willingly admit you have an issue and still have trouble dealing with it. I hope your characters truly grows and you are happy with the direction, as well as glint moments where you will also find a way to feel more at ease yourself.