I have a player etiquette question. Thanks for any thoughts or advice.

I've never liked playing with characters who steal from the party or skim from the treasure the party collects during an adventure. I would just confront the person but due to real life social dynamics that isn't going to help matters any. Best friends to the DM, sensitive individual, etc etc. I should probably let it go but I'd like to find an organic way to address the issue in-character (LN) and not be a d!@#. Every gold piece that character skims because they're just playing "in character" is a gold piece the fighter can't use to upgrade her armor or a spell component the wizard can't use to cast a spell.

Steal from the rich, steal from the poor, but don't steal from someone who you expect to cover your back ... or is there just No Honor Among Adventurers?

I'm of the opinion that the Rogue/Thief shouldn't steal from the party unless it's agreed upon outside of the game that everyone is okay with inter-party conflict for roleplaying opportunities. It can make for some great RP moments in the right group. But if the group has not agreed to it, all it is going to do is create tension, like what you're feeling now.

I would recommend speaking with the DM first, to let them know that it makes you uncomfortable, see what they think. Then perhaps check in with the other party members to see what they think... If it's a "Just you" thing, then it might be something to work through and get over, but if there's multiple people disliking it, it's worth having an OOC conversation with everyone to establish rules on interparty conflict - which doesn't need to be focused on the Rogue. After all, if the Rogue is stealing and that would get a rough reaction out of your character, for example, and the Rogue doesn't want a beat-down, then it can be agreed that character abilities are to be used on NPCs, not PCs.

I agree to having a discussion. D&D is supposed to be fun, and you are not having fun. If you want to work it out in-game, then your character will have to discover their things are missing, discover who took them, then leave the party since they can't be trusted. This will end the game, and you will have to start a new one, but the point will get across. Or kick the rogue out of the party and they will need to make a new character. Possible a new rogue with a better sense of ethics. I am sure they will try the 'it's what my character would do" argument, but we must remember that evil/chaotic does not mean stupid. The rogue needs the rest of the party to help achieve a goal. He is not going to risk that for a couple gold pieces. 

The excuse "it's what my character would do" only goes so far because it is trumped by "what a player should do". You are a player first, character second.

Talk to your DM and the individual and tell them you are unhappy and ask them to stop. You should do this whether it is "just you" or not but talking with the other players may help if they also are unhappy with it but ultimately doesn't matter if they are or not.

If your DM/the person will not change and keep stealing from you then you simply have the choice between staying and accepting it or leave and go play with others.

If you stay and the DM has allowed the stealing on the basis of "it's what the character would do" then the next time your character notices the other player's character stealing from you run them through with a blade or chop off their hand. You can use the "it's what may character would do" defense too.

You could always handle it like most people in real life would. Report the thief's crime next time you get to town. Let the authorities handle it in game. Hopefully you have a DM that can run such a situation and Justice is served either by prison time or monetary compensation for those parties wronged.

I played that thief once and it didn't cause the issues that you're having.

• We were all friends playing a game and we treated it as a game, not real life
• All of our characters had different motivations, mine was the only one who was motivated by money.  The paladin, for example, didn't care about money.
• When it benefitted the entire party including him, my character paid for things out of his mis-gotten gains that he'd stolen from the rest of the party.
• My character didn't steal magic items, he wanted the paladin to have the biggest, baddest sword we could find for example because it benefitted him for the paladin to be armed better.  Being greedy and being stupid are two different things and he was smart enough to understand when stealing from the rest of the party hurt him.
• I didn't hide anything.  I role played every theft in front of the rest of the party instead of behind their backs and some of them were so funny that everyone laughed about them.  
  • One of my favorite memories was making an appraisal roll, realizing that the gem my character had picked up was worth over 5,000 GP, and then making a sleight of hand roll to toss a 1 or 2 GP gem over my shoulder and pocket the valuable gem while saying, "It's just a worthless pebble."  It made everyone in the room laugh, including the DM.

The goal is to have fun and keep in mind, it's only a game.  And, if a character steals from the rest of the party his player needs to keep in mind that it's a game and do it in such a way that it's fun for everyone.

Talk to your DM about it.  Every time I've been in a party that contains the "part thief" and it's not fully consensual, it almost always devolves into party PVP when someone figures out what the thief is up to.  And by PVP, I mean the rogue bleeding out on the floor while the rogue's player is complaining about how unfair it is that the rest of the party (the ones they'd been stealing from with impunity) gangs up on them.

If it doesn't end in a beating, at the very least the rogue would be expelled from the party, why would anyone with any interest in making a living adventuring keep a known thief around?

In my games, I set the expectation up front at the beginning of the campaign.

"You can only betray other characters with the prior permission of everyone sitting at the table (including the GM)."

If a player wants their character to steal stuff from other characters, they have to get permission first. If a player says "but stealing is what this character does" then my response is "either come up with a reason why that character is not stealing from the other characters or put it back in your bag and create a new one."

I don't mind character conflict but I don't want player conflict.

Yeah, the thing I don't usually understand is why they steal form the party rather than EVERYBODY else?

Let us know what happens!