The goal was to rescue an old sage from the top floor of a bad guys mansion. My character, a halfling C/T (WIS ->8) had to climb up three floors in the back, and haul up another players Dwarf F/C [yeah, I failed a bunch of STR rolls]. We'd get the sage while the other party members created a diversion in the front.
I open the locked window, disarm a trap at the door, pick a lock, and pull the sage towards the window, handing him off to the Dwarf as bad guys notice and come to stop us.
Me: {sort of annoyed at having to make so many rolls) OK! You take care of getting the old Sage away safely, and I'll cover our retreat!
Dwarf: Got it! (to DM) I throw the old man out the window...
Me: Wait... WHAT!?? [DM: laughing... he's pretty old, a three story fall is pretty harsh..]
Dwarf (next to window): ? I'm a cleric, I can just heal him!
Me: Good idea! (to DM) I kick the Dwarf out the window as well.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
"So our party is composed of a Vampire detective who's good at boxing, a barbarian who can send a ogre running away with it's tail between it's legs just by screaming at it, a whackjob rogue with a samurai sword, a life cleric with a machine gun, and a serial arsonist wizard?!, great just checking."
Sounds like a hallucination I had back when Jerry G. was still alive.
"Wait," I said to my deadhead GF who'd gotten me there in the first place, "Are we still at the Concert??"
"No," she replied, "we've at my folks house for dinner."
"oh. ok then that party description makes perfect sense...."
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“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
"So, we measure our worth by how much people are trying to kill us?"
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Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
Paraphrased. The party discovered a camp in the woods at dusk.
Player 1: They're not bandits. Player 3: Yes. They are. They have supplies. Player 1: So? Player 3: Where do you think they got them? Player 1: I dunno. Maybe, they bought them? Ever think about that? Player 2: Alright. I've had it with you two. I'm walking into their camp. Player 3: Wait! DM: As you walk into their camp, one well-dressed woman stands up and says, "Ah! It's not often we have people simply walk into the camp of the Gloaming Boys gang!" Player 3: See? Bandits! Woman: "Welcome! Come have a seat!" Player 1: See? They're nice! Woman: "Though most people who come in never leave--" Player 3: See? Bandits! Woman: "--our wonderful hospitality." Player 1: See? Nice! Player 3: Still sounded like a threat to me. Player 2: Alright. I've had it with you two. I walk out of the camp.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"So, we measure our worth by how much people are trying to kill us?"
hahaha.. kind of a sad way to put it, but yes!... If one is a spy, soldier, an auditor, a journalist, Or Cyrano, heck yes! Or more accurately, "by how much people hate us or wish we'd keel over and die." In S. Asia or L. America, if people don't want you dead, you're probably not doing your job very well.
“I have a different idea of elegance. I don't dress like a fop, it's true, but my moral grooming is impeccable. I never appear in public with a soiled conscience, a tarnished honor, threadbare scruples, or an insult that I haven't washed away. I'm always immaculately clean, adorned with independence and frankness. I may not cut a stylish figure, but I hold my soul erect. I wear my deeds as ribbons, my wit is sharper then the finest mustache, and when I walk among men I make truths ring like spurs.” ― Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac
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“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
Player explaining how his monster-hunter family makes holy water:
Fighter: “We’ve been burning holy essences up and pouring them into the water.”
Artificer, in a thick Scottish accent: “You mean you burn the hell out of it?”
The thing that instantly came to mind when I read this was the TF2 Demoman. (Maybe that was the character concept....)
That’s quite possible. He was describing his character, and the whole table erupted into laughter— while I, the poor confused DM, had to ask what they were laughing about. Somebody explained that he had made a “castlevainia” (spelling?) character. I have no idea what that is, but I was trying to keep the game from devolving into puns, so I didn’t ask. I’ve been busy, so I haven’t looked it up yet, but I loved the initial pun so much that I had to share it here.
Castlevania does indeed use quite a bit of holy water.
Fun fact, according to the catholic church, Holy water does not dilute, and any water it is mixed into as long as the proportion is more than 1 part holy water to 1 part normal water will become holy water itself. So all you need is a small bottle of the stuff and you can make more of it.
Fun Fact #2: The standard carpeting between the confessional and the Holy Water basin causes people dragging their feet as they leave the confessional to get a static electric shock when they touch the Holy Water.... (which I find incredibly cynical and hilarious).
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“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
LOLOL. possible GM replies: "um... Cool-Aid mad doesn't use doors."; "Got it. But in order to attempt a cool-aid man door bash, you have to be summoned by someone thirsty on the other side..."; "Ok. STR/bash roll --> low, you attempt a cool-aid door bash and get stuck in the door frame..." <barbarian basher after missing roll: "um... I disbelieve?">
Gnome/Halfling reply: "<sigh> I used 'comprehend languages', dude. It said 'pull'.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
"So, we measure our worth by how much people are trying to kill us?"
hahaha.. kind of a sad way to put it, but yes!... If one is a spy, soldier, an auditor, a journalist, Or Cyrano, heck yes! Or more accurately, "by how much people hate us or wish we'd keel over and die." In S. Asia or L. America, if people don't want you dead, you're probably not doing your job very well.
“I have a different idea of elegance. I don't dress like a fop, it's true, but my moral grooming is impeccable. I never appear in public with a soiled conscience, a tarnished honor, threadbare scruples, or an insult that I haven't washed away. I'm always immaculately clean, adorned with independence and frankness. I may not cut a stylish figure, but I hold my soul erect. I wear my deeds as ribbons, my wit is sharper then the finest mustache, and when I walk among men I make truths ring like spurs.” ― Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac
Well, when I said this, my PC was tied up, so he only cast faery fire once, and wasn't attacked at all.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
*Cleric proceeds to use every damaging cleric spell possible and nearly solos a bandit camp with 20 people including a semi-powerful mage*
Rogue OOC: How is it that between my sneak attacks, monks ability to hit a bunch, and the bear, the one with the highest DPR is the flipping designated healer!?
"So, we measure our worth by how much people are trying to kill us?"
hahaha.. kind of a sad way to put it, but yes!... If one is a spy, soldier, an auditor, a journalist, Or Cyrano, heck yes! Or more accurately, "by how much people hate us or wish we'd keel over and die." In S. Asia or L. America, if people don't want you dead, you're probably not doing your job very well.
“I have a different idea of elegance. I don't dress like a fop, it's true, but my moral grooming is impeccable. I never appear in public with a soiled conscience, a tarnished honor, threadbare scruples, or an insult that I haven't washed away. I'm always immaculately clean, adorned with independence and frankness. I may not cut a stylish figure, but I hold my soul erect. I wear my deeds as ribbons, my wit is sharper then the finest mustache, and when I walk among men I make truths ring like spurs.” ― Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac
Well, when I said this, my PC was tied up, so he only cast faery fire once, and wasn't attacked at all.
ふふふ After I went to all the trouble to pull a Cyrano quote... over one faery fire spell.
<sulking> I think I'll go to character creation and load up on all the backstory options including powerful infernal enemies to make myself feel better...
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
Fighter: "Don't act all 'holier-than-thou'." Paladin: "But I am holier than thou." Cleric: "I think I'm holier than both of thou." Rogue: "After that last fight, I've got more holes than any of you. Now please for the nth time, somebody heal me!"
Gnome <muttering to himself>: "I guess Pride, Vanity and anal retentiveness tilt yer alignment to LG... oh, well. We CG types still have 'lying on our tax returns on our side".
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“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
Ranger(me) and Paladin girls get drunk and go to bed together. Skip to next working and the party is talking about what everyone got up to the night before at the festival.
Ranger(ooc): wait...didn’t last session Paladin get cursed demon armor that can’t be removed? Paladin: i forgot about that!
We all then lost it completely. “The plate armor stays ON”
During the siege I seem to remember an account where many of the Templar Knights had such severe dysentery that they cut out the leather under their armor skirts, so they could continue fighting (I guess it wasn't that effective, as they lost the battle and the City to Saladin's forces)...
Mage: "Well, leave it to cursed Demon Armor to adjust itself to facilitate a Female Paladin getting squelchy with a drunken comrade!"
"Rogue: Maybe Our Ranger Pal is just super flexible!"
Mage: Maybe the cursed Demon Armor has a Spanish Fly status effect? <snicker>
"Priest: <sigh> Oh well. That's why Gods grant the Atonement spell..."
"Rogue <leering>: ... and for her chastity, what do the Gods do about that?"
"Priest: A Shotgun Wedding, or the Restoration/Regeneration spell, depending on Divine whimsy."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe” When the Winds fail you, row.
Player 1: If you're going to attack and start combat, give us a warning first! Player 3: I did. I said, "Look!" before I attacked. Player 2: I think your exact words were, "They look lootable."
EDIT: A player is introducing his character and backstory.
Player 1: His name is Oferf. Player 2: That's a weird name for an Elf. DM: Here it comes. Player 3: What? DM: I've read the story. Just wait. Player 1: His parents were expecting a girl. In the clan, a newborn is raised by a clan nursery for a year and returned with a naming ceremony. His parents spent a year after the birth coming up with a good name for a daughter. At the naming ceremony when they received him, they asked his parents to name their son. His father said, "Son?! Oh, for f...!" His full name is Oferf Taenya Brightstar. Player 2: So, it's short for Oferf*ksayks?
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Ok, here's one from a tourney game...
The goal was to rescue an old sage from the top floor of a bad guys mansion. My character, a halfling C/T (WIS ->8) had to climb up three floors in the back, and haul up another players Dwarf F/C [yeah, I failed a bunch of STR rolls]. We'd get the sage while the other party members created a diversion in the front.
I open the locked window, disarm a trap at the door, pick a lock, and pull the sage towards the window, handing him off to the Dwarf as bad guys notice and come to stop us.
Me: {sort of annoyed at having to make so many rolls) OK! You take care of getting the old Sage away safely, and I'll cover our retreat!
Dwarf: Got it! (to DM) I throw the old man out the window...
Me: Wait... WHAT!?? [DM: laughing... he's pretty old, a three story fall is pretty harsh..]
Dwarf (next to window): ? I'm a cleric, I can just heal him!
Me: Good idea! (to DM) I kick the Dwarf out the window as well.
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
Sounds like a hallucination I had back when Jerry G. was still alive.
"Wait," I said to my deadhead GF who'd gotten me there in the first place, "Are we still at the Concert??"
"No," she replied, "we've at my folks house for dinner."
"oh. ok then that party description makes perfect sense...."
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
YossarianX (with regard to the couch saga)... okay, that was a good one.
"So, we measure our worth by how much people are trying to kill us?"
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
Paraphrased. The party discovered a camp in the woods at dusk.
Player 1: They're not bandits.
Player 3: Yes. They are. They have supplies.
Player 1: So?
Player 3: Where do you think they got them?
Player 1: I dunno. Maybe, they bought them? Ever think about that?
Player 2: Alright. I've had it with you two. I'm walking into their camp.
Player 3: Wait!
DM: As you walk into their camp, one well-dressed woman stands up and says, "Ah! It's not often we have people simply walk into the camp of the Gloaming Boys gang!"
Player 3: See? Bandits!
Woman: "Welcome! Come have a seat!"
Player 1: See? They're nice!
Woman: "Though most people who come in never leave--"
Player 3: See? Bandits!
Woman: "--our wonderful hospitality."
Player 1: See? Nice!
Player 3: Still sounded like a threat to me.
Player 2: Alright. I've had it with you two. I walk out of the camp.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
hahaha.. kind of a sad way to put it, but yes!... If one is a spy, soldier, an auditor, a journalist, Or Cyrano, heck yes! Or more accurately, "by how much people hate us or wish we'd keel over and die." In S. Asia or L. America, if people don't want you dead, you're probably not doing your job very well.
“I have a different idea of elegance. I don't dress like a fop, it's true, but my moral grooming is impeccable. I never appear in public with a soiled conscience, a tarnished honor, threadbare scruples, or an insult that I haven't washed away. I'm always immaculately clean, adorned with independence and frankness. I may not cut a stylish figure, but I hold my soul erect. I wear my deeds as ribbons, my wit is sharper then the finest mustache, and when I walk among men I make truths ring like spurs.”
― Edmond Rostand, Cyrano de Bergerac
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
Fun Fact #2: The standard carpeting between the confessional and the Holy Water basin causes people dragging their feet as they leave the confessional to get a static electric shock when they touch the Holy Water.... (which I find incredibly cynical and hilarious).
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
Or in Japanese: [空手がクトゥルフを破る ] ("Karate ga kuto~urufu o yaburu", or as a Haiku: "Karate wa kuto~urufu o uchi makashimasu."
[僧侶の碑文： ] ("Sōryo no hibun:".... "Monk's epitaph:...") ふふふ ☸️
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
LOLOL. possible GM replies: "um... Cool-Aid mad doesn't use doors."; "Got it. But in order to attempt a cool-aid man door bash, you have to be summoned by someone thirsty on the other side..."; "Ok. STR/bash roll --> low, you attempt a cool-aid door bash and get stuck in the door frame..." <barbarian basher after missing roll: "um... I disbelieve?">
Gnome/Halfling reply: "<sigh> I used 'comprehend languages', dude. It said 'pull'.
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
Well, when I said this, my PC was tied up, so he only cast faery fire once, and wasn't attacked at all.
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
Rogue: Shoot, we're all gonna die.
Cleric: Don't worry you have me on your side.
Dm: Yeah, the cleric can just heal you guys.
Cleric OOC: Who said anything about healing?
*Cleric proceeds to use every damaging cleric spell possible and nearly solos a bandit camp with 20 people including a semi-powerful mage*
Rogue OOC: How is it that between my sneak attacks, monks ability to hit a bunch, and the bear, the one with the highest DPR is the flipping designated healer!?
: Systems Online : Nikoli_Goodfellow Homebrew : My WIP Homebrew Class :
(\_/)
( u u)
o/ \🥛🍪 Hey, take care of yourself alright?
ふふふ After I went to all the trouble to pull a Cyrano quote... over one faery fire spell.
<sulking> I think I'll go to character creation and load up on all the backstory options including powerful infernal enemies to make myself feel better...
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
Gnome <muttering to himself>: "I guess Pride, Vanity and anal retentiveness tilt yer alignment to LG... oh, well. We CG types still have 'lying on our tax returns on our side".
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
Ranger(me) and Paladin girls get drunk and go to bed together. Skip to next working and the party is talking about what everyone got up to the night before at the festival.
Ranger(ooc): wait...didn’t last session Paladin get cursed demon armor that can’t be removed?
Paladin: i forgot about that!
We all then lost it completely. “The plate armor stays ON”
Current Characters:
Inara, Changeling, Level 3 Ranger/Gloomstalker
Oraine Bramblebrand, Level 5 Monk/Way of Ascendant Dragon
That reminds me of: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Siege_of_Acre_(1291)
During the siege I seem to remember an account where many of the Templar Knights had such severe dysentery that they cut out the leather under their armor skirts, so they could continue fighting (I guess it wasn't that effective, as they lost the battle and the City to Saladin's forces)...
Mage: "Well, leave it to cursed Demon Armor to adjust itself to facilitate a Female Paladin getting squelchy with a drunken comrade!"
"Rogue: Maybe Our Ranger Pal is just super flexible!"
Mage: Maybe the cursed Demon Armor has a Spanish Fly status effect? <snicker>
"Priest: <sigh> Oh well. That's why Gods grant the Atonement spell..."
"Rogue <leering>: ... and for her chastity, what do the Gods do about that?"
"Priest: A Shotgun Wedding, or the Restoration/Regeneration spell, depending on Divine whimsy."
“Desitutus ventis, remos adhibe”
When the Winds fail you, row.
Paraphrased after a tough battle.
Player 1: If you're going to attack and start combat, give us a warning first!
Player 3: I did. I said, "Look!" before I attacked.
Player 2: I think your exact words were, "They look lootable."
EDIT: A player is introducing his character and backstory.
Player 1: His name is Oferf.
Player 2: That's a weird name for an Elf.
DM: Here it comes.
Player 3: What?
DM: I've read the story. Just wait.
Player 1: His parents were expecting a girl. In the clan, a newborn is raised by a clan nursery for a year and returned with a naming ceremony. His parents spent a year after the birth coming up with a good name for a daughter. At the naming ceremony when they received him, they asked his parents to name their son. His father said, "Son?! Oh, for f...!" His full name is Oferf Taenya Brightstar.
Player 2: So, it's short for Oferf*ksayks?
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Me, a naive female goliath warlock child, with my staff of the python active: Dont worry! Jörmungandr wont hurt you. He loves hugs!
*Mind Flayer starts eating the fighters brain*
The rest of the party: "That's not good."
A few from my last sesh:
"Can you play Classical Gas?"
"Did I mention I hate Samurai?"
"COWABUNGA!"
"This is the part where I kick you into Hades."
"Some days I wish I stayed a Monk."
"This campaign has officially jumped the shark."
"Doorways, why did it have to be doorways?"
"Ain't no problem a 6th-level Fireball can't fix."
Mystic v3 should be official, nuff said.
"You whistle the Andy Griffith Show theme as you mow through the ranks of the zombie ninja onslaught."
No context.
Mystic v3 should be official, nuff said.