Hi, I'm Timminator, warforged druid. I don't need to eat, but while on a long wilderness trek, I like to provide food for my hungry party. Hunting small game every day is difficult and time consuming. But how to preserve large kills while in the bush? Well, now you can, with Timminator's Terrifying Trail Tidbits.
Any druid can make this tasty and nutritious (yet terrifying) recipe.
1. Track your game
2. Restrain using Entangle
3. Wild shape into a Giant Centipede, Giant Wolf Spider, Giant Wasp, or Giant Spider
4. Bite until incapacitated
Your prey is now immobilized but alive. It will keep indefinitely.
5. Carve off the desired portion, season and cook to taste.
Nothing in Nature is benevolent. The critters he's beastshaping into consume their paralyzed prey alive. It's macabre and definitely cruel, but it's not against nature and it is the sort of thing one might expect from a warforged with a...curious... notion of how organics work and no idea why people might object to an efficient means of medium-term food storage like this.
To say nothing of feeding your party meat with (potentially even after cooking) poison in it.
D&D does unmake the distinction, but there is a difference between “venom” and “poison.” The closest D&D gets to that are still all referred to as “poisons,” but some are “injected” or “injury,” and some of them are “ingested.” (There are "Inhaled” and “Contact” too, but they’re not relevant to this topic.) anyway, as long as the bite delivers an Injection/Injury poison, it should be safe to eat the meat is long as it’s not also an Ingestion type poison too, and there is currently only one “injury or ingestion” poison in all of 5e.
Nothing in Nature is benevolent. The critters he's beastshaping into consume their paralyzed prey alive. It's macabre and definitely cruel, but it's not against nature and it is the sort of thing one might expect from a warforged with a...curious... notion of how organics work and no idea why people might object to an efficient means of medium-term food storage like this.
Killing and eating other animals is the way of nature. Yes, absolutely. But you only kill it one time. Keeping it alive and carving off a chunk, only to heal it and repeat the process, indefinitely is not the way of nature. That's torture.
Nothing in Nature is benevolent. The critters he's beastshaping into consume their paralyzed prey alive. It's macabre and definitely cruel, but it's not against nature and it is the sort of thing one might expect from a warforged with a...curious... notion of how organics work and no idea why people might object to an efficient means of medium-term food storage like this.
Yes, I noticed my party were reluctant to try this recipe. I found it confusing, because they have no qualms about tearing fruits off of living trees and sinking their teeth into them.
I find most humans are only "good" as long as they live in cities and get others to do their brutality for them. But get them lost in the woods and their alignment quickly shifts.
Nothing in Nature is benevolent. The critters he's beastshaping into consume their paralyzed prey alive. It's macabre and definitely cruel, but it's not against nature and it is the sort of thing one might expect from a warforged with a...curious... notion of how organics work and no idea why people might object to an efficient means of medium-term food storage like this.
Yes, I noticed my party were reluctant to try this recipe. I found it confusing, because they have no qualms about tearing fruits off of living trees and sinking their teeth into them.
Fruit generally don't cry in pain and beg for mercy.
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"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
Nothing in Nature is benevolent. The critters he's beastshaping into consume their paralyzed prey alive. It's macabre and definitely cruel, but it's not against nature and it is the sort of thing one might expect from a warforged with a...curious... notion of how organics work and no idea why people might object to an efficient means of medium-term food storage like this.
Yes, I noticed my party were reluctant to try this recipe. I found it confusing, because they have no qualms about tearing fruits off of living trees and sinking their teeth into them.
Fruit generally don't cry in pain and beg for mercy.
Yes, I noticed the party are also more comfortable with suffocating fish than drowning mammals for the same reason. Ability to express their pain does seem to be a factor. Thank you. I will think on this.
Nothing in Nature is benevolent. The critters he's beastshaping into consume their paralyzed prey alive. It's macabre and definitely cruel, but it's not against nature and it is the sort of thing one might expect from a warforged with a...curious... notion of how organics work and no idea why people might object to an efficient means of medium-term food storage like this.
Yes, I noticed my party were reluctant to try this recipe. I found it confusing, because they have no qualms about tearing fruits off of living trees and sinking their teeth into them.
Fruit generally don't cry in pain and beg for mercy.
They do actually, but plants communicate chemically, not using visual or auditory means. Every time someone mows their lawn that “fresh cut grass smell” is the smell of grass screaming in agony.
Hi, I'm Timminator, warforged druid. I don't need to eat, but while on a long wilderness trek, I like to provide food for my hungry party. Hunting small game every day is difficult and time consuming. But how to preserve large kills while in the bush? Well, now you can, with Timminator's Terrifying Trail Tidbits.
Any druid can make this tasty and nutritious (yet terrifying) recipe.
1. Track your game
2. Restrain using Entangle
3. Wild shape into a Giant Centipede, Giant Wolf Spider, Giant Wasp, or Giant Spider
4. Bite until incapacitated
Your prey is now immobilized but alive. It will keep indefinitely.
5. Carve off the desired portion, season and cook to taste.
6. Cure Wounds to prevent excess blood loss.
7. Re-bite hourly to keep paralyzed.
What kind of Druid would torture an animal like that? I’d say the natural world that gives you powers would cut you off very quickly.
To say nothing of feeding your party meat with (potentially even after cooking) poison in it.
Nothing in Nature is benevolent. The critters he's beastshaping into consume their paralyzed prey alive. It's macabre and definitely cruel, but it's not against nature and it is the sort of thing one might expect from a warforged with a...curious... notion of how organics work and no idea why people might object to an efficient means of medium-term food storage like this.
Please do not contact or message me.
D&D does unmake the distinction, but there is a difference between “venom” and “poison.” The closest D&D gets to that are still all referred to as “poisons,” but some are “injected” or “injury,” and some of them are “ingested.” (There are "Inhaled” and “Contact” too, but they’re not relevant to this topic.) anyway, as long as the bite delivers an Injection/Injury poison, it should be safe to eat the meat is long as it’s not also an Ingestion type poison too, and there is currently only one “injury or ingestion” poison in all of 5e.
https://www.dndbeyond.com/equipment?filter-search=Poison&filter-cost-min=&filter-cost-max=&filter-weight-min=&filter-weight-max=
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting
Killing and eating other animals is the way of nature. Yes, absolutely. But you only kill it one time. Keeping it alive and carving off a chunk, only to heal it and repeat the process, indefinitely is not the way of nature. That's torture.
Yes, I noticed my party were reluctant to try this recipe. I found it confusing, because they have no qualms about tearing fruits off of living trees and sinking their teeth into them.
I find most humans are only "good" as long as they live in cities and get others to do their brutality for them. But get them lost in the woods and their alignment quickly shifts.
Fruit generally don't cry in pain and beg for mercy.
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
Yes, I noticed the party are also more comfortable with suffocating fish than drowning mammals for the same reason. Ability to express their pain does seem to be a factor. Thank you. I will think on this.
They do actually, but plants communicate chemically, not using visual or auditory means. Every time someone mows their lawn that “fresh cut grass smell” is the smell of grass screaming in agony.
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting