=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Context: Player 1 is playing a Tabaxi monk 3/ wizard 2, and we’ve been through at least three fights without resting. Player 1: Dang, I’m outta spell slots, well I guess I’ll just attack then use my last Ki point to flurry of blows.
DM: "You see the toilet. It's huge and bloody. There's a severed hand on the ground."
Reminds me of a stream I saw:
Dragonborn Paladin comes back in from the privy: "Guys! You should see what the toilet's doing!"
(The furniture in the pub attacked everyone. Tables. Chairs. That little panel that swings up to let someone behind the bar. Apparently, a toilet in a privy, too. Look up "Bad Chair Day" on YT. Fair warning. That was before they started clamping down on rules for the latest season.)
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
There was a time we had a great adventure. Just a quick rescue of a shrine dedicated to one of the greatest paladins ever.
the lore was: 80 years ago a farmer was torn between inheriting his fathers farm or becoming a paladin. He then said, "I will throw this how in the air and if it doesn't come back down, then the gods will have spoken and I will become a paladin!" He tossed it into the air and it never came back down. He was standing under a tree and it was caught in the branches. So he became a paladin. So great and beloved was he, that a shrine was built around the tree that still holds the hoe to this day.
The adventure was great, but the players could not stop laughing about rescuing the 80 year old ho stuck in a tree.
Monk: “I smash the magic glyph with my magical quarterstaff.”
DM: “It explodes and you all take 60 psychic damage.”
Monk: “…Can I not do that?”
DM: “What did you learn?”
Monk: “….not to hit glyphs with quarterstaffs?”
*3 seconds later*
Wizard: “Why don’t we overload the glyph with magical energy. Would that work?”
OH! OH! I HAVE AN IDEA! why dont we make it STRONGER! or maybe i could hit it with a magic dagger!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
No quotes from Sister Serena last week as the session was a bit intense and got rather dark at times, resulting in a lack of light hearted moments (plenty of good RP, just not funny). This week, however, there were some amusing moments, though the young priestess is showing some signs of stress.
A new PC joined the party right as the undermanned fort we were based at was overwhelmed by a massive enemy assault, with only the four PCs and two NPCs escaping. One of the NPCs is a somewhat shifty kobold that has a rapport with Venn (PC tiefling sorcerer) based mostly on friendly insults and there's a running joke that we don't know the kobold's name because every time he's about to tell us somebody interrupts him. Ferrin (new PC) was on overnight watch with the other NPC.
Ferrin: So what's the kobold's name, anyways?
Venn: His name is ******* Kobold!
DM: You are asleep right now.
Venn: I woke up just for that! Now I'm back asleep.
We were interrogating a wounded enemy soldier we found while tracking someone of interest. The soldier was trying to bargain for his life, and when asked what he would do if we let him go he said he'd rejoin his army. Sister Serena stated her lack of enthusiasm for this idea, considering he would just be one more hostile, murdering, pillaging, defiling villain loose in the world to harm innocents and possibly the party later.
Wounded Enemy: Then kill me if you want! I'm not telling you anything more!
Sister Serena: Okay! *smashes his skull with her mace*
She then spent the next several minutes defending the morality of her actions to the rest of the party and convincing them that she wasn't turning into an unhinged homicidal sociopath. Shortly afterward, we tracked the guy we were seeking to a mysterious moss covered structure in the middle of pathless swamp, though it had visible double doors and a chimney producing smoke. At this time the kobold decided to talk to Serena.
Kobold: You know, you're really tough and scary, but I like that. You're like an alpha, doing what you want and not letting anybody get in your way. Which is weird, because you're a girl, but that's okay. I'll follow your lead.
Sister Serena: I don't want to be scary! I ran away from the temple and came out here to join this miserable war to try to do good things and help put an end to it! I'm supposed to be providing an example that inspires others to follow and make the world a better place together, not walking around covered in splattered blood and frightening my own allies! Everything is just so wrong and I'm not sure what to do so I'm just acting and getting really stressed out!
Venn: Everything about this sucks. But for now, we need to find out what's in there. *Turns to the kobold* Hey, go open that door.
*Venn rolls very low for persuasion*
Kobold: **** you, Goat, you do it! [He calls Venn "Goat" because of his ram-like horns]
Sister Serena(trying to be cheerful and pleasant): Actually, it would be really helpful if you just knocked on the door to see if someone answers. I'd really appreciate it.
*Serena also rolls low for persuasion*
Kobold: You know, it would be a really inspiring example to follow if you did that.
*I facepalm as the voice channel is filled with the party laughing at me for getting told by a shifty runt lizard*
Sister Serena: Pelor help me, that's a valid point. Fine, I'll do it.
*Serena inspects the door for obvious traps and, finding none, bangs on it with the butt of her mace*
Sister Serena: HELLO! ANYBODY HOME? DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT THE HOLY LIGHT OF PELOR AND HOW HIS DIVINE RADIANCE CAN BRING LIGHT TO THE DARKEST AND MOST DISMAL PLACES, EVEN THIS WRETCHED SWAMP?
Kobold: Okay, she's really tough but also maybe an idiot.
No quotes from Sister Serena last week as the session was a bit intense and got rather dark at times, resulting in a lack of light hearted moments (plenty of good RP, just not funny). This week, however, there were some amusing moments, though the young priestess is showing some signs of stress.
A new PC joined the party right as the undermanned fort we were based at was overwhelmed by a massive enemy assault, with only the four PCs and two NPCs escaping. One of the NPCs is a somewhat shifty kobold that has a rapport with Venn (PC tiefling sorcerer) based mostly on friendly insults and there's a running joke that we don't know the kobold's name because every time he's about to tell us somebody interrupts him. Ferrin (new PC) was on overnight watch with the other NPC.
Ferrin: So what's the kobold's name, anyways?
Venn: His name is ******* Kobold!
DM: You are asleep right now.
Venn: I woke up just for that! Now I'm back asleep.
We were interrogating a wounded enemy soldier we found while tracking someone of interest. The soldier was trying to bargain for his life, and when asked what he would do if we let him go he said he'd rejoin his army. Sister Serena stated her lack of enthusiasm for this idea, considering he would just be one more hostile, murdering, pillaging, defiling villain loose in the world to harm innocents and possibly the party later.
Wounded Enemy: Then kill me if you want! I'm not telling you anything more!
Sister Serena: Okay! *smashes his skull with her mace*
She then spent the next several minutes defending the morality of her actions to the rest of the party and convincing them that she wasn't turning into an unhinged homicidal sociopath. Shortly afterward, we tracked the guy we were seeking to a mysterious moss covered structure in the middle of pathless swamp, though it had visible double doors and a chimney producing smoke. At this time the kobold decided to talk to Serena.
Kobold: You know, you're really tough and scary, but I like that. You're like an alpha, doing what you want and not letting anybody get in your way. Which is weird, because you're a girl, but that's okay. I'll follow your lead.
Sister Serena: I don't want to be scary! I ran away from the temple and came out here to join this miserable war to try to doo good things and help put an end to it! I'm supposed to be providing an example that inspires others to follow and make the world a better place together, not walking around covered in splattered blood and frightening my own allies! Everything is just so wrong and I'm not sure what to do so I'm just acting and getting really stressed out!
Venn: Everything about this sucks. But for now, we need to find out what's in there. *Turns to the kobold* Hey, go open that door.
*Venn rolls very low for persuasion*
Kobold: **** you, Goat, you do it! [He calls Venn "Goat" because of his ram-like horns]
Sister Serena: Actually, it would be really helpful if you just knocked on the door to see if someone answers. I'd really appreciate it.
*Serena also rolls low for persuasion*
Kobold: You know, it would be a really inspiring example to follow if you did that.
*I facepalm as the voice channel is filled with the party laughing at me for getting told be a shifty runt lizard*
Sister Serena: Pelor help me, that's a valid point. Fine, I'll do it.
*Serena inspects the door for obvious traps and, finding none, bangs on it with the butt of her mace*
Sister Serena: HELLO! ANYBODY HOME? DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT THE HOLY LIGHT OF PELOR AND HOW HIS DIVINE RADIANCE CAN BRING LIGHT TO HE DARKEST AND MOST DISMAL PLACES, EVEN THIS WRETCHED SWAMP?
Kobold: Okay, she's really tough but also maybe an idiot.
Ooof. Don't let good alligned people talk.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
Serena has had some very rough experiences since waking up in a puddle of blood surrounded by dead bodies after being knocked out in an ambush while reporting in at a frontline outpost two and a half days earlier (which is how she was inserted into the campaign). She's a bit stressed right now.
ohh boy. That has gotta be among the ten worst ways to wake up.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic byVitaly S Alexius
DM: Since I find PvP can ruin an experience, how I handle it in my games is that I ask the person receiving the attack if the person will allow it. Will you allow him [Player 3] to hit you? Player 2: I don't allow it. Player 3: *rolls anyway* Natural 20! I punch [Player 2]! Player 2: I don't allow it. DM: You [Player 3] take a swing, but because you're drunk, you stumble and hit the bar instead. Player 2: Heh. I like these rules. Player 3: These rules suck. Player 2: "Can I hit you?" Player 3: "Sure. Alright." Player 2: *rolls* DM: That's a hit. Player 2: So, damage... that's... DM: For your unarmed attack, it's 1 plus your modifier, which is -1. So, you hit, but you do no damage. Player 2: *weakly punches* "Yah!" Player 3: *shrugs* "Nothin'."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"You can use Death with Bless Saves."
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Context: Player 1 is playing a Tabaxi monk 3/ wizard 2, and we’ve been through at least three fights without resting.
Player 1: Dang, I’m outta spell slots, well I guess I’ll just attack then use my last Ki point to flurry of blows.
Player 1: *Rolls 2 2’s, a 3, and a 1.
Player 1: *Daijoubu meme cat*
Mystic v3 should be official, nuff said.
“You could open a portal, probably.”
“What? They have, like, zippers?”
DM: "You see the toilet. It's huge and bloody. There's a severed hand on the ground."
Nikolai Buckman | vampire | bard
Solace Redgrove | tiefling | bard
Reminds me of a stream I saw:
Dragonborn Paladin comes back in from the privy: "Guys! You should see what the toilet's doing!"
(The furniture in the pub attacked everyone. Tables. Chairs. That little panel that swings up to let someone behind the bar. Apparently, a toilet in a privy, too. Look up "Bad Chair Day" on YT. Fair warning. That was before they started clamping down on rules for the latest season.)
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
There was a time we had a great adventure. Just a quick rescue of a shrine dedicated to one of the greatest paladins ever.
the lore was: 80 years ago a farmer was torn between inheriting his fathers farm or becoming a paladin. He then said, "I will throw this how in the air and if it doesn't come back down, then the gods will have spoken and I will become a paladin!" He tossed it into the air and it never came back down. He was standing under a tree and it was caught in the branches. So he became a paladin. So great and beloved was he, that a shrine was built around the tree that still holds the hoe to this day.
The adventure was great, but the players could not stop laughing about rescuing the 80 year old ho stuck in a tree.
Bard comedian NPC: Ever hear the joke about the plague-ridden orphanage? It never gets old!”
Paladin: Would it be within my oath to kill this guy?”
Mystic v3 should be official, nuff said.
Depends on the day Friday through Monday I’m a helicopter Tuesday through Thursday I’m a wooden shovel who lives in there parent’s basement.
insert original witty signature here:
Monk: “I smash the magic glyph with my magical quarterstaff.”
DM: “It explodes and you all take 60 psychic damage.”
Monk: “…Can I not do that?”
DM: “What did you learn?”
Monk: “….not to hit glyphs with quarterstaffs?”
*3 seconds later*
Wizard: “Why don’t we overload the glyph with magical energy. Would that work?”
RIP Tavern.
All hail King Jovan Fluffycloud Prince
Teleporting elf monk supremacy!, but druids are better
[Cactus]Waffles!”I don’t have any good quotes to put in my sig.” -Me
OH! OH! I HAVE AN IDEA! why dont we make it STRONGER! or maybe i could hit it with a magic dagger!
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
"I’m a wooden shovel who lives in there parent’s basement. "
That's the 3rd time I've heard that reference today. Where is it from?
No quotes from Sister Serena last week as the session was a bit intense and got rather dark at times, resulting in a lack of light hearted moments (plenty of good RP, just not funny). This week, however, there were some amusing moments, though the young priestess is showing some signs of stress.
A new PC joined the party right as the undermanned fort we were based at was overwhelmed by a massive enemy assault, with only the four PCs and two NPCs escaping. One of the NPCs is a somewhat shifty kobold that has a rapport with Venn (PC tiefling sorcerer) based mostly on friendly insults and there's a running joke that we don't know the kobold's name because every time he's about to tell us somebody interrupts him. Ferrin (new PC) was on overnight watch with the other NPC.
Ferrin: So what's the kobold's name, anyways?
Venn: His name is ******* Kobold!
DM: You are asleep right now.
Venn: I woke up just for that! Now I'm back asleep.
We were interrogating a wounded enemy soldier we found while tracking someone of interest. The soldier was trying to bargain for his life, and when asked what he would do if we let him go he said he'd rejoin his army. Sister Serena stated her lack of enthusiasm for this idea, considering he would just be one more hostile, murdering, pillaging, defiling villain loose in the world to harm innocents and possibly the party later.
Wounded Enemy: Then kill me if you want! I'm not telling you anything more!
Sister Serena: Okay! *smashes his skull with her mace*
She then spent the next several minutes defending the morality of her actions to the rest of the party and convincing them that she wasn't turning into an unhinged homicidal sociopath. Shortly afterward, we tracked the guy we were seeking to a mysterious moss covered structure in the middle of pathless swamp, though it had visible double doors and a chimney producing smoke. At this time the kobold decided to talk to Serena.
Kobold: You know, you're really tough and scary, but I like that. You're like an alpha, doing what you want and not letting anybody get in your way. Which is weird, because you're a girl, but that's okay. I'll follow your lead.
Sister Serena: I don't want to be scary! I ran away from the temple and came out here to join this miserable war to try to do good things and help put an end to it! I'm supposed to be providing an example that inspires others to follow and make the world a better place together, not walking around covered in splattered blood and frightening my own allies! Everything is just so wrong and I'm not sure what to do so I'm just acting and getting really stressed out!
Venn: Everything about this sucks. But for now, we need to find out what's in there. *Turns to the kobold* Hey, go open that door.
*Venn rolls very low for persuasion*
Kobold: **** you, Goat, you do it! [He calls Venn "Goat" because of his ram-like horns]
Sister Serena(trying to be cheerful and pleasant): Actually, it would be really helpful if you just knocked on the door to see if someone answers. I'd really appreciate it.
*Serena also rolls low for persuasion*
Kobold: You know, it would be a really inspiring example to follow if you did that.
*I facepalm as the voice channel is filled with the party laughing at me for getting told by a shifty runt lizard*
Sister Serena: Pelor help me, that's a valid point. Fine, I'll do it.
*Serena inspects the door for obvious traps and, finding none, bangs on it with the butt of her mace*
Sister Serena: HELLO! ANYBODY HOME? DO YOU HAVE A MOMENT TO TALK ABOUT THE HOLY LIGHT OF PELOR AND HOW HIS DIVINE RADIANCE CAN BRING LIGHT TO THE DARKEST AND MOST DISMAL PLACES, EVEN THIS WRETCHED SWAMP?
Kobold: Okay, she's really tough but also maybe an idiot.
Ooof. Don't let good alligned people talk.
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
Serena has had some very rough experiences since waking up in a puddle of blood surrounded by dead bodies after being knocked out in an ambush while reporting in at a frontline outpost two and a half days earlier (which is how she was inserted into the campaign). She's a bit stressed right now.
ohh boy. That has gotta be among the ten worst ways to wake up.
This Mug immediately shared with me a transcendental tale of an Infinite Mug that anchors the Universe and keeps it from folding in on itself. I filed this report under "illogical nonsense" and asked why its sign is in Times New Roman font, when it is basic knowledge that Arial Black is a far superior font. I wondered: How did this mug even get past the assembly line with its theistic beliefs and poor font choices?
quote from Romantically Apocalyptic by Vitaly S Alexius
Paraphrased from a stream out of New Zealand:
DM: Since I find PvP can ruin an experience, how I handle it in my games is that I ask the person receiving the attack if the person will allow it. Will you allow him [Player 3] to hit you?
Player 2: I don't allow it.
Player 3: *rolls anyway* Natural 20! I punch [Player 2]!
Player 2: I don't allow it.
DM: You [Player 3] take a swing, but because you're drunk, you stumble and hit the bar instead.
Player 2: Heh. I like these rules.
Player 3: These rules suck.
Player 2: "Can I hit you?"
Player 3: "Sure. Alright."
Player 2: *rolls*
DM: That's a hit.
Player 2: So, damage... that's...
DM: For your unarmed attack, it's 1 plus your modifier, which is -1. So, you hit, but you do no damage.
Player 2: *weakly punches* "Yah!"
Player 3: *shrugs* "Nothin'."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
@BunniRabbi It’s from “The Weekly Roll” which is a dnd web comic it’s pretty funny I would totally recommend!
insert original witty signature here:
Good quotes and awesome idea! It gave me some giggles
My party wanting to pass off my genie vessel, while I'm in it.
"Why no one love Tia...? Q^Q"
sadly due to a quick retcon this didn't actually happen but
Player 1: "Should we kill him?"
Player 2: "Yeah, we should kill him."
NPC: "Are you talking about killin' me?!"
i can roll nat 1s on command
my homebrew thingies
Magic Items - Monsters - Subclasses