I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it. Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks. MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Paladin: "There's a giant Minotaur skeleton thing here, help."
My Cleric: (Wining initiative) "I'm so going to regret this - Charge - "Foul creature, in the Name of Selune I will return you to the darkness you came from". Hits, good damage.
Minotaur: Rawr! Gores the already injured Cleric, Crits, max damage.
Cleric: "Meep, I'm done for". Falls to the floor unconscious.
Remaining party members finish off the Minotaur.
GM asks: So how badly is Sokosh injured? Do we need to do death saving throws?
Me: Well you know that amulet of wound closure that I attuned to like 5 seconds ago during our short rest? Well it stabilised me at 0!
Party member throws a potion of healing down the Clerics throat, who then gets up and croaks "Told you I was going to regret that!"
Paladin's player OOC - Well that was pretty lucky!
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it. Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks. MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
*sighs* Well, here's one that I haven't seen, but I think would have happened.
Dragonborn Barbarian: FACE ME YOU (INSERT RUDE WORD HERE) COWARD!!!!
Rogue: All right then. *Stabs barbarian in the throat, the lunngs, the heart, and between the shoulder blades* Yes? *Steps toward barbarian*
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it. Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks. MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Sorcerer (OOC): "Oh. Now, I feel really bad about that."
Sorcerer: "What's going on, old man?"
Frank: (deafened) "What?"
Sorcerer quickens and request to attempt Thunderwave to disable rather than kill. DM asks for an extra CHA check to see if the sorcerer can control the spell well enough not to kill.
Sorcerer does enough damage to kill but also succeeds in the extra check to control the spell to just disable Frank.
DM describes that something in Frank's abdomen bursts.
Frank: "Oow. Not again." *disappointedly* "Oh, no."
Sorcerer starts to drag Frank, who is falling unconscious, to the (PC) Artificer's shop.
Frank: "I think I'm leaking." *disappointedly* "Oh, no."
Sorcerer: *disgusted* "Oh god."
Back at the shop where 3 younger, more spry assassins are being questioned (even though one of them is dead). One is tied up with a magic rope by the Artificer, and the other is grappled by the Rogue, and the Barbarian is still trying to interrogate his dead assassin. Frank passed out on the way to the shop.
Sorcerer attempts to wake Frank by picking him up and slapping him.
Artificer (OOC): "Now, I just feel really bad for this guy."
A Bard PC joins the party at that moment: "Crikey dingoes! What that the bloody Hells' going on here?!"
Sorcerer: "It's not what it looks like! I'm not abusing an old man! I swear!" [puts his hands up to show he's not hurting Frank]
Frank: "I can't feel my legs." [falls to the floor] *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Sorcerer: "Uh..."
After convincing the new Bard player that they're not the bad guys, everyone failed their Intimidation checks against their individual assassin (even the Barbarian and his dead assassin). So, the Rogue explodes the dead assassin from the inside out spreading guts all over the shop. The DM grants advantage on the next Intimidation check. Only the sorcerer succeeds. The rest all fail again regardless.🤦🏻♂️
Sorcerer picks Frank up off the floor again: "WHO SENT YOU!" slaps Frank
Frank: "Ah! I don't know!"
Sorcerer shakes Frank.
Frank: being shakened "Uh-guh-eh-gr-sent-to-hit-on-you." stops being shaken "That's all. It was just we took a hit and each of you were meant to die but-"
Sorcerer: "Give me some more information! Who?! Where did you get this paper for the hit [on the Rogue for 30gp]?!"
Frank reaches into his pocket to show his hit on the Sorcerer with 100gp to carry it out.
Sorcerer (OOC): I'm taking the 100gp by the way.
Barbarian finds his hit and 30gp on his dead assassin.
Artificer (OOC): I wanna really quickly search my guy for gold.
Artificer gets his hands between the ropes of his assassin to find the hit and the money to carry it out. It's 5gp.
Artificer: "Aw, goddammit!"
Frank spills the beans, rambling that they're part of a loose organization of assassins and they don't know who orders the hits. They just get posted to a board by the organization and members take the hit.
Artificer: "That's annoyingly anonymous."
Frank: (still rambling) "... and you take the job and it's like 'Oh! 100gp. I can take out a sorcerer', and then I can't take out a sorcerer apparently."
Sorcerer: "Nope."
Rogue: "Alright. Well, if we wanted to find out who put the hit on us, where would we find that knowledge?"
Sorcerer: "Which station of this organization did you get the hits from? I presume there's multiple hideouts."
Frank: (nervously) "Yes. There's a station just west of here."
Sorcerer: "Okay. I'm going to give 15 gold to the one who tells us exactly how to get into the assassin's guild outpost. I will let you go... and the other two will probably die."
The three assassins all start talking at once.
Frank: rambling while the others are talking over him "It's about a 2 hour walk to the west and then you go past the big rock the kinda looks like a boob-"
Sorcerer: "Okay okay. Goddammit."
Artificer: "Choose one."
Sorcerer: "Uh. Old man 'cause I kinda feel bad for nearly killing you."
Artificer: (whispering) "...and he's not gonna live."
Sorcerer: (whispering) "Maybe, this is a great idea, then."
Artificer: (whispering) "Ah. You can get your gold back. Nice."
Frank: "There's a password and a secret handshake I can show you and then I can take you there."
Frank gives them the current password for the month.
Artificer: "Are there any numbers for the letters? Camelcaps? Underscores?"
Rogue: "I don't think you gotta type the password."
Sorcerer: "That's the password. Now, what's the secret handshake?"
Frank: "It's the following: So... you do the finger tiddlies..." [rapidly touches the Sorcerer's fingers]
Sorcerer: "Finger tiddlies, and then...?"
Frank: "You go in for the thumb..." [locks thumbs with sorcerer]
Sorcerer: "...for the thumb...?"
Frank: "... and then you go around the hand like this..." [gives the Sorcerer a full handshake]
Sorcerer: "...like this...?"
Frank: "... and then you do the thumbs." [starts the Thumb Wars countdown with the Sorcerer]
Sorcerer: "... the thumbs."
Frank: "1, 2, 3, 4."
Sorcerer: "And that's it?"
Frank: "Yup."
Sorcerer: "Guys! I got the secret handshake!"
Frank keeps alternating his thumb, completely forgetting what he was doing.
Sorcerer (OOC): Now, I want to check to see if he's lying to me.
DM asks for an Insight check and Sorcerer succeeds.
DM: He seems to be under severe pain and not in a situation where he could even bolster the energy to lie to you. He's probably going to die soon.
Artificer: (whispering) "What are you going to do now? Are you going to give him the gold and just let him go?"
Sorcerer: (whispering) "I mean, he's probably going to die in your shop so..."
Artificer: (whispering) "I want him out of my shop. You really messed this guy up."
Rogue: "I think we maybe take him with us to see if he's telling the truth."
Artificer: (whispering) "Should I heal him a little bit? I feel really bad for this guy. I feel really bad for him. You really f***** him up."
Sorcerer: (whispering) "I really f***** him up."
The grappled assassin was ungrappled when the Rogue exploded the dead one. She was cowering in a corner. During the handshake, she started moving around the shop slowly. The Bard notices and Australian-rules rugby-tackles her to the ground while she tried to run past her. The others clap approvingly.
DM: You all have the upper hand now. There's one that's winded on the ground, you have one restrained by your rope, there's one who's dying slowly who just given you what you needed, and there's guts all over the shop of the last one.
Sorcerer: "My vote is that we bind the three of them up and take them with us."
Artificer: "All three of them?"
Sorcerer: "There's five of us." (to the Bard) "Hey! Would you like to come on an adventure?"
Bard: "I'd love to!"
Sorcerer: "Yay! There's five of us."
Artificer: "I reckon we just kill two of them and take one with us - no no-"
Rogue: "Alright! Which one am I exploding?!"
Sorcerer: "Okay, then. Hear me out on this: We bind them up, leave them in your shop, leave some food just so, ya know, they don't starve."
Artificer: "Nah. I don't like that's... I wanna take my rope with me. So, I'm not gonna leave them binded [sic] up in my shop 'cause I want to-"
Rogue: "You don't have any other rope? Just normal rope? In your shop?"
Artificer: "I mean... let me check here." (looks to the DM OOC)
Barbarian: "Guy's. I hate to say it, but I think we have to..." (whispering) "...kill them."
Sorcerer: "Shall we take them to the... jail...?"🤷🏻♂️
Artificer: (whispering) "I don't know if that's a thing, either. I've lived here my entire life and I've never heard of that."
DM rolls dice: Uh... Yes. There is a jail.
Sorcerer: "Jail it is!"
Barbarian: "Jail!"
Sorcerer: "I will go and see..."
Barbarian: "Jasper."
Artficer: "Jasper the Jailer!"
Barbarian: "You know Jasper."
Artificer: "I like Jasper. The jailer?"
Barbarian: "You didn't know he was a jailer?"
Rogue: "That's funny because it's right in the name, mate. Jasper the Jailer."
Artificer: "I just thought it was a quirky surname."
Sorcerer: "Which one do we wanna take with us to the outpost?" (whispering) "I feel the old man might die soon so we should probably take one of the other two."
Artificer: (whispering) "Should I heal him a little bit?"
Sorcerer: (whispering) "No. I don't wanna give him the gold."
Frank: "I can hear you."
Artificer: "He's gonna die soon anyway."
Sorcerer: "He is. Don't heal him."
Frank: "Do I get the 15 gold, yet?"
Artificer: "I don't wanna use my spells yet."
Frank: "I could really do with the gold."
Sorcerer: "Let's just take them to the jail."
Frank: "I really need it. My daughter is dying."
Sorcerer: "I'm feeling really bad about this. Let's just take them to the jail."
Frank: "It's the only reason I took the hit on you 'cause I really needed the gold. I couldn't afford the tax on my farm so I lost that."
Sorcerer: "Oh... This is making me feel bad, guys."
Rogue: 'How's 'bout I just-"
Artificer: (to himself) "Just ignoring it. Just ignoring it."
Frank: "My wife died a year ago..."
Barbarian: "Oooh. This is terrible. I dinna want to know this. I don't want to hear the backstory. Now, I can't-"
Sorcerer: sticks his fingers in his ears "La la la la! Let's just take them to the jail."
Rogue: "Shall I just give him a quick stabby stab?"
Frank: "My dog got eaten by a Goblin just last week."
Artificer: "Oh no!"🤦🏻♂️
Rogue: "Aw. It seems to me you've been stabbed." (stabs Frank)
Frank: "Oooooooow! ...and that was my good lung." *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Everyone wincing: "Aw, he's still there. He's still alive."
Frank: "That's painful now. I think I need-."
Rogue: "That wasn't a fatal wound?"
Frank: "It's gonna cost a lot for a surgeon."
Artificer: "Do it some more!"
Barbarian makes the throat slit gesture at Rogue.
Rogue: "I quickly just *ssst*!"
Everyone grimaces as Frank's throat is cut.
Frank (gurgling): "Oooooooow. This really hurts. I'm gonna need a powerful cleric for this. It's gonna be a hell of a go to tell a cleric-"
Artificer: "What?! He's still alive?"
Sorcerer and Barbarian: "Are you kidding me?!"
Rogue: "For f***'s sake!"
Artificer: "Just keep going. Just keep going. You have to cut off the head."
Rogue (OOC): "I'm just going to" (starts sawing) "cleanly" (keeps sawing) "cut off his head."
Frank (having his head sawed off with a dagger): "This is the worst birthday ever." *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Artificer: "Aw, what?!"
Sorcerer tries not to puke.
Barbarian whistles uncomfortably.
Rogue finishes the arduous beheading leaving Frank on the floor: "Gods!"
Artificer: "Wow! He didn't die! It took him so long to die!"
Sorcerer almost in tears: "Oh, gods!"
Barbarian is disgusted.
Rogue: "Man. Even I feel a bit bad about that one."
Frank: *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Everyone: "WHAT?!"
Everyone starts wailing on the decapitated Frank.
Rogue: "KILL IT!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!""
...and that's how an old man lost his wife "Oh, no.", lost his farm to back taxes "Oh, no.", lost his dog to Goblins "Oh, no.", had his daughter get sick "Oh, no.", failed to take a hit for gold "Oh, no.", had his eardrum blasted "Oh, no.", had his gut exploded "Oh, no.", had his lung punctured "Oh, no.", had his throat cut "Oh, no.", had his head sawed off "Oh, no.", and was brutally murdered on his birthday "Oh, no."
The DM stated in a behind-the-scenes clip that he wanted the player to really feel it if they were going to do a decidedly Evil act. The two remaining assassins were very compliant after that. The DM said that Frank might still return.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Sorcerer (OOC): "Oh. Now, I feel really bad about that."
Sorcerer: "What's going on, old man?"
Frank: (deafened) "What?"
Sorcerer quickens and request to attempt Thunderwave to disable rather than kill. DM asks for an extra CHA check to see if the sorcerer can control the spell well enough not to kill.
Sorcerer does enough damage to kill but also succeeds in the extra check to control the spell to just disable Frank.
DM describes that something in Frank's abdomen bursts.
Frank: "Oow. Not again." *disappointedly* "Oh, no."
Sorcerer starts to drag Frank, who is falling unconscious, to the (PC) Artificer's shop.
Frank: "I think I'm leaking." *disappointedly* "Oh, no."
Sorcerer: *disgusted* "Oh god."
Back at the shop where 3 younger, more spry assassins are being questioned (even though one of them is dead). One is tied up with a magic rope by the Artificer, and the other is grappled by the Rogue, and the Barbarian is still trying to interrogate his dead assassin. Frank passed out on the way to the shop.
Sorcerer attempts to wake Frank by picking him up and slapping him.
Artificer (OOC): "Now, I just feel really bad for this guy."
A Bard PC joins the party at that moment: "Crikey dingoes! What that the bloody Hells' going on here?!"
Sorcerer: "It's not what it looks like! I'm not abusing an old man! I swear!" [puts his hands up to show he's not hurting Frank]
Frank: "I can't feel my legs." [falls to the floor] *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Sorcerer: "Uh..."
After convincing the new Bard player that they're not the bad guys, everyone failed their Intimidation checks against their individual assassin (even the Barbarian and his dead assassin). So, the Rogue explodes the dead assassin from the inside out spreading guts all over the shop. The DM grants advantage on the next Intimidation check. Only the sorcerer succeeds. The rest all fail again regardless.🤦🏻♂️
Sorcerer picks Frank up off the floor again: "WHO SENT YOU!" slaps Frank
Frank: "Ah! I don't know!"
Sorcerer shakes Frank.
Frank: being shakened "Uh-guh-eh-gr-sent-to-hit-on-you." stops being shaken "That's all. It was just we took a hit and each of you were meant to die but-"
Sorcerer: "Give me some more information! Who?! Where did you get this paper for the hit [on the Rogue for 30gp]?!"
Frank reaches into his pocket to show his hit on the Sorcerer with 100gp to carry it out.
Sorcerer (OOC): I'm taking the 100gp by the way.
Barbarian finds his hit and 30gp on his dead assassin.
Artificer (OOC): I wanna really quickly search my guy for gold.
Artificer gets his hands between the ropes of his assassin to find the hit and the money to carry it out. It's 5gp.
Artificer: "Aw, goddammit!"
Frank spills the beans, rambling that they're part of a loose organization of assassins and they don't know who orders the hits. They just get posted to a board by the organization and members take the hit.
Artificer: "That's annoyingly anonymous."
Frank: (still rambling) "... and you take the job and it's like 'Oh! 100gp. I can take out a sorcerer', and then I can't take out a sorcerer apparently."
Sorcerer: "Nope."
Rogue: "Alright. Well, if we wanted to find out who put the hit on us, where would we find that knowledge?"
Sorcerer: "Which station of this organization did you get the hits from? I presume there's multiple hideouts."
Frank: (nervously) "Yes. There's a station just west of here."
Sorcerer: "Okay. I'm going to give 15 gold to the one who tells us exactly how to get into the assassin's guild outpost. I will let you go... and the other two will probably die."
The three assassins all start talking at once.
Frank: rambling while the others are talking over him "It's about a 2 hour walk to the west and then you go past the big rock the kinda looks like a boob-"
Sorcerer: "Okay okay. Goddammit."
Artificer: "Choose one."
Sorcerer: "Uh. Old man 'cause I kinda feel bad for nearly killing you."
Artificer: (whispering) "...and he's not gonna live."
Sorcerer: (whispering) "Maybe, this is a great idea, then."
Artificer: (whispering) "Ah. You can get your gold back. Nice."
Frank: "There's a password and a secret handshake I can show you and then I can take you there."
Frank gives them the current password for the month.
Artificer: "Are there any numbers for the letters? Camelcaps? Underscores?"
Rogue: "I don't think you gotta type the password."
Sorcerer: "That's the password. Now, what's the secret handshake?"
Frank: "It's the following: So... you do the finger tiddlies..." [rapidly touches the Sorcerer's fingers]
Sorcerer: "Finger tiddlies, and then...?"
Frank: "You go in for the thumb..." [locks thumbs with sorcerer]
Sorcerer: "...for the thumb...?"
Frank: "... and then you go around the hand like this..." [gives the Sorcerer a full handshake]
Sorcerer: "...like this...?"
Frank: "... and then you do the thumbs." [starts the Thumb Wars countdown with the Sorcerer]
Sorcerer: "... the thumbs."
Frank: "1, 2, 3, 4."
Sorcerer: "And that's it?"
Frank: "Yup."
Sorcerer: "Guys! I got the secret handshake!"
Frank keeps alternating his thumb, completely forgetting what he was doing.
Sorcerer (OOC): Now, I want to check to see if he's lying to me.
DM asks for an Insight check and Sorcerer succeeds.
DM: He seems to be under severe pain and not in a situation where he could even bolster the energy to lie to you. He's probably going to die soon.
Artificer: (whispering) "What are you going to do now? Are you going to give him the gold and just let him go?"
Sorcerer: (whispering) "I mean, he's probably going to die in your shop so..."
Artificer: (whispering) "I want him out of my shop. You really messed this guy up."
Rogue: "I think we maybe take him with us to see if he's telling the truth."
Artificer: (whispering) "Should I heal him a little bit? I feel really bad for this guy. I feel really bad for him. You really f***** him up."
Sorcerer: (whispering) "I really f***** him up."
The grappled assassin was ungrappled when the Rogue exploded the dead one. She was cowering in a corner. During the handshake, she started moving around the shop slowly. The Bard notices and Australian-rules rugby-tackles her to the ground while she tried to run past her. The others clap approvingly.
DM: You all have the upper hand now. There's one that's winded on the ground, you have one restrained by your rope, there's one who's dying slowly who just given you what you needed, and there's guts all over the shop of the last one.
Sorcerer: "My vote is that we bind the three of them up and take them with us."
Artificer: "All three of them?"
Sorcerer: "There's five of us." (to the Bard) "Hey! Would you like to come on an adventure?"
Bard: "I'd love to!"
Sorcerer: "Yay! There's five of us."
Artificer: "I reckon we just kill two of them and take one with us - no no-"
Rogue: "Alright! Which one am I exploding?!"
Sorcerer: "Okay, then. Hear me out on this: We bind them up, leave them in your shop, leave some food just so, ya know, they don't starve."
Artificer: "Nah. I don't like that's... I wanna take my rope with me. So, I'm not gonna leave them binded [sic] up in my shop 'cause I want to-"
Rogue: "You don't have any other rope? Just normal rope? In your shop?"
Artificer: "I mean... let me check here." (looks to the DM OOC)
Barbarian: "Guy's. I hate to say it, but I think we have to..." (whispering) "...kill them."
Sorcerer: "Shall we take them to the... jail...?"🤷🏻♂️
Artificer: (whispering) "I don't know if that's a thing, either. I've lived here my entire life and I've never heard of that."
DM rolls dice: Uh... Yes. There is a jail.
Sorcerer: "Jail it is!"
Barbarian: "Jail!"
Sorcerer: "I will go and see..."
Barbarian: "Jasper."
Artficer: "Jasper the Jailer!"
Barbarian: "You know Jasper."
Artificer: "I like Jasper. The jailer?"
Barbarian: "You didn't know he was a jailer?"
Rogue: "That's funny because it's right in the name, mate. Jasper the Jailer."
Artificer: "I just thought it was a quirky surname."
Sorcerer: "Which one do we wanna take with us to the outpost?" (whispering) "I feel the old man might die soon so we should probably take one of the other two."
Artificer: (whispering) "Should I heal him a little bit?"
Sorcerer: (whispering) "No. I don't wanna give him the gold."
Frank: "I can hear you."
Artificer: "He's gonna die soon anyway."
Sorcerer: "He is. Don't heal him."
Frank: "Do I get the 15 gold, yet?"
Artificer: "I don't wanna use my spells yet."
Frank: "I could really do with the gold."
Sorcerer: "Let's just take them to the jail."
Frank: "I really need it. My daughter is dying."
Sorcerer: "I'm feeling really bad about this. Let's just take them to the jail."
Frank: "It's the only reason I took the hit on you 'cause I really needed the gold. I couldn't afford the tax on my farm so I lost that."
Sorcerer: "Oh... This is making me feel bad, guys."
Rogue: 'How's 'bout I just-"
Artificer: (to himself) "Just ignoring it. Just ignoring it."
Frank: "My wife died a year ago..."
Barbarian: "Oooh. This is terrible. I dinna want to know this. I don't want to hear the backstory. Now, I can't-"
Sorcerer: sticks his fingers in his ears "La la la la! Let's just take them to the jail."
Rogue: "Shall I just give him a quick stabby stab?"
Frank: "My dog got eaten by a Goblin just last week."
Artificer: "Oh no!"🤦🏻♂️
Rogue: "Aw. It seems to me you've been stabbed." (stabs Frank)
Frank: "Oooooooow! ...and that was my good lung." *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Everyone wincing: "Aw, he's still there. He's still alive."
Frank: "That's painful now. I think I need-."
Rogue: "That wasn't a fatal wound?"
Frank: "It's gonna cost a lot for a surgeon."
Artificer: "Do it some more!"
Barbarian makes the throat slit gesture at Rogue.
Rogue: "I quickly just *ssst*!"
Everyone grimaces as Frank's throat is cut.
Frank (gurgling): "Oooooooow. This really hurts. I'm gonna need a powerful cleric for this. It's gonna be a hell of a go to tell a cleric-"
Artificer: "What?! He's still alive?"
Sorcerer and Barbarian: "Are you kidding me?!"
Rogue: "For f***'s sake!"
Artificer: "Just keep going. Just keep going. You have to cut off the head."
Rogue (OOC): "I'm just going to" (starts sawing) "cleanly" (keeps sawing) "cut off his head."
Frank (having his head sawed off with a dagger): "This is the worst birthday ever." *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Artificer: "Aw, what?!"
Sorcerer tries not to puke.
Barbarian whistles uncomfortably.
Rogue finishes the arduous beheading leaving Frank on the floor: "Gods!"
Artificer: "Wow! He didn't die! It took him so long to die!"
Sorcerer almost in tears: "Oh, gods!"
Barbarian is disgusted.
Rogue: "Man. Even I feel a bit bad about that one."
Frank: *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Everyone: "WHAT?!"
Everyone starts wailing on the decapitated Frank.
Rogue: "KILL IT!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!""
...and that's how an old man lost his wife "Oh, no.", lost his farm to back taxes "Oh, no.", lost his dog to Goblins "Oh, no.", had his daughter get sick "Oh, no.", failed to take a hit for gold "Oh, no.", had his eardrum blasted "Oh, no.", had his gut exploded "Oh, no.", had his lung punctured "Oh, no.", had his throat cut "Oh, no.", had his head sawed off "Oh, no.", and was brutally murdered on his birthday "Oh, no."
The DM stated in a behind-the-scenes clip that he wanted the player to really feel it if they were going to do a decidedly Evil act. The two remaining assassins were very compliant after that. The DM said that Frank might still return.
Sorcerer (OOC): "Oh. Now, I feel really bad about that."
Sorcerer: "What's going on, old man?"
Frank: (deafened) "What?"
Sorcerer quickens and request to attempt Thunderwave to disable rather than kill. DM asks for an extra CHA check to see if the sorcerer can control the spell well enough not to kill.
Sorcerer does enough damage to kill but also succeeds in the extra check to control the spell to just disable Frank.
DM describes that something in Frank's abdomen bursts.
Frank: "Oow. Not again." *disappointedly* "Oh, no."
Sorcerer starts to drag Frank, who is falling unconscious, to the (PC) Artificer's shop.
Frank: "I think I'm leaking." *disappointedly* "Oh, no."
Sorcerer: *disgusted* "Oh god."
Back at the shop where 3 younger, more spry assassins are being questioned (even though one of them is dead). One is tied up with a magic rope by the Artificer, and the other is grappled by the Rogue, and the Barbarian is still trying to interrogate his dead assassin. Frank passed out on the way to the shop.
Sorcerer attempts to wake Frank by picking him up and slapping him.
Artificer (OOC): "Now, I just feel really bad for this guy."
A Bard PC joins the party at that moment: "Crikey dingoes! What that the bloody Hells' going on here?!"
Sorcerer: "It's not what it looks like! I'm not abusing an old man! I swear!" [puts his hands up to show he's not hurting Frank]
Frank: "I can't feel my legs." [falls to the floor] *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Sorcerer: "Uh..."
After convincing the new Bard player that they're not the bad guys, everyone failed their Intimidation checks against their individual assassin (even the Barbarian and his dead assassin). So, the Rogue explodes the dead assassin from the inside out spreading guts all over the shop. The DM grants advantage on the next Intimidation check. Only the sorcerer succeeds. The rest all fail again regardless.🤦🏻♂️
Sorcerer picks Frank up off the floor again: "WHO SENT YOU!" slaps Frank
Frank: "Ah! I don't know!"
Sorcerer shakes Frank.
Frank: being shakened "Uh-guh-eh-gr-sent-to-hit-on-you." stops being shaken "That's all. It was just we took a hit and each of you were meant to die but-"
Sorcerer: "Give me some more information! Who?! Where did you get this paper for the hit [on the Rogue for 30gp]?!"
Frank reaches into his pocket to show his hit on the Sorcerer with 100gp to carry it out.
Sorcerer (OOC): I'm taking the 100gp by the way.
Barbarian finds his hit and 30gp on his dead assassin.
Artificer (OOC): I wanna really quickly search my guy for gold.
Artificer gets his hands between the ropes of his assassin to find the hit and the money to carry it out. It's 5gp.
Artificer: "Aw, goddammit!"
Frank spills the beans, rambling that they're part of a loose organization of assassins and they don't know who orders the hits. They just get posted to a board by the organization and members take the hit.
Artificer: "That's annoyingly anonymous."
Frank: (still rambling) "... and you take the job and it's like 'Oh! 100gp. I can take out a sorcerer', and then I can't take out a sorcerer apparently."
Sorcerer: "Nope."
Rogue: "Alright. Well, if we wanted to find out who put the hit on us, where would we find that knowledge?"
Sorcerer: "Which station of this organization did you get the hits from? I presume there's multiple hideouts."
Frank: (nervously) "Yes. There's a station just west of here."
Sorcerer: "Okay. I'm going to give 15 gold to the one who tells us exactly how to get into the assassin's guild outpost. I will let you go... and the other two will probably die."
The three assassins all start talking at once.
Frank: rambling while the others are talking over him "It's about a 2 hour walk to the west and then you go past the big rock the kinda looks like a boob-"
Sorcerer: "Okay okay. Goddammit."
Artificer: "Choose one."
Sorcerer: "Uh. Old man 'cause I kinda feel bad for nearly killing you."
Artificer: (whispering) "...and he's not gonna live."
Sorcerer: (whispering) "Maybe, this is a great idea, then."
Artificer: (whispering) "Ah. You can get your gold back. Nice."
Frank: "There's a password and a secret handshake I can show you and then I can take you there."
Frank gives them the current password for the month.
Artificer: "Are there any numbers for the letters? Camelcaps? Underscores?"
Rogue: "I don't think you gotta type the password."
Sorcerer: "That's the password. Now, what's the secret handshake?"
Frank: "It's the following: So... you do the finger tiddlies..." [rapidly touches the Sorcerer's fingers]
Sorcerer: "Finger tiddlies, and then...?"
Frank: "You go in for the thumb..." [locks thumbs with sorcerer]
Sorcerer: "...for the thumb...?"
Frank: "... and then you go around the hand like this..." [gives the Sorcerer a full handshake]
Sorcerer: "...like this...?"
Frank: "... and then you do the thumbs." [starts the Thumb Wars countdown with the Sorcerer]
Sorcerer: "... the thumbs."
Frank: "1, 2, 3, 4."
Sorcerer: "And that's it?"
Frank: "Yup."
Sorcerer: "Guys! I got the secret handshake!"
Frank keeps alternating his thumb, completely forgetting what he was doing.
Sorcerer (OOC): Now, I want to check to see if he's lying to me.
DM asks for an Insight check and Sorcerer succeeds.
DM: He seems to be under severe pain and not in a situation where he could even bolster the energy to lie to you. He's probably going to die soon.
Artificer: (whispering) "What are you going to do now? Are you going to give him the gold and just let him go?"
Sorcerer: (whispering) "I mean, he's probably going to die in your shop so..."
Artificer: (whispering) "I want him out of my shop. You really messed this guy up."
Rogue: "I think we maybe take him with us to see if he's telling the truth."
Artificer: (whispering) "Should I heal him a little bit? I feel really bad for this guy. I feel really bad for him. You really f***** him up."
Sorcerer: (whispering) "I really f***** him up."
The grappled assassin was ungrappled when the Rogue exploded the dead one. She was cowering in a corner. During the handshake, she started moving around the shop slowly. The Bard notices and Australian-rules rugby-tackles her to the ground while she tried to run past her. The others clap approvingly.
DM: You all have the upper hand now. There's one that's winded on the ground, you have one restrained by your rope, there's one who's dying slowly who just given you what you needed, and there's guts all over the shop of the last one.
Sorcerer: "My vote is that we bind the three of them up and take them with us."
Artificer: "All three of them?"
Sorcerer: "There's five of us." (to the Bard) "Hey! Would you like to come on an adventure?"
Bard: "I'd love to!"
Sorcerer: "Yay! There's five of us."
Artificer: "I reckon we just kill two of them and take one with us - no no-"
Rogue: "Alright! Which one am I exploding?!"
Sorcerer: "Okay, then. Hear me out on this: We bind them up, leave them in your shop, leave some food just so, ya know, they don't starve."
Artificer: "Nah. I don't like that's... I wanna take my rope with me. So, I'm not gonna leave them binded [sic] up in my shop 'cause I want to-"
Rogue: "You don't have any other rope? Just normal rope? In your shop?"
Artificer: "I mean... let me check here." (looks to the DM OOC)
Barbarian: "Guy's. I hate to say it, but I think we have to..." (whispering) "...kill them."
Sorcerer: "Shall we take them to the... jail...?"🤷🏻♂️
Artificer: (whispering) "I don't know if that's a thing, either. I've lived here my entire life and I've never heard of that."
DM rolls dice: Uh... Yes. There is a jail.
Sorcerer: "Jail it is!"
Barbarian: "Jail!"
Sorcerer: "I will go and see..."
Barbarian: "Jasper."
Artficer: "Jasper the Jailer!"
Barbarian: "You know Jasper."
Artificer: "I like Jasper. The jailer?"
Barbarian: "You didn't know he was a jailer?"
Rogue: "That's funny because it's right in the name, mate. Jasper the Jailer."
Artificer: "I just thought it was a quirky surname."
Sorcerer: "Which one do we wanna take with us to the outpost?" (whispering) "I feel the old man might die soon so we should probably take one of the other two."
Artificer: (whispering) "Should I heal him a little bit?"
Sorcerer: (whispering) "No. I don't wanna give him the gold."
Frank: "I can hear you."
Artificer: "He's gonna die soon anyway."
Sorcerer: "He is. Don't heal him."
Frank: "Do I get the 15 gold, yet?"
Artificer: "I don't wanna use my spells yet."
Frank: "I could really do with the gold."
Sorcerer: "Let's just take them to the jail."
Frank: "I really need it. My daughter is dying."
Sorcerer: "I'm feeling really bad about this. Let's just take them to the jail."
Frank: "It's the only reason I took the hit on you 'cause I really needed the gold. I couldn't afford the tax on my farm so I lost that."
Sorcerer: "Oh... This is making me feel bad, guys."
Rogue: 'How's 'bout I just-"
Artificer: (to himself) "Just ignoring it. Just ignoring it."
Frank: "My wife died a year ago..."
Barbarian: "Oooh. This is terrible. I dinna want to know this. I don't want to hear the backstory. Now, I can't-"
Sorcerer: sticks his fingers in his ears "La la la la! Let's just take them to the jail."
Rogue: "Shall I just give him a quick stabby stab?"
Frank: "My dog got eaten by a Goblin just last week."
Artificer: "Oh no!"🤦🏻♂️
Rogue: "Aw. It seems to me you've been stabbed." (stabs Frank)
Frank: "Oooooooow! ...and that was my good lung." *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Everyone wincing: "Aw, he's still there. He's still alive."
Frank: "That's painful now. I think I need-."
Rogue: "That wasn't a fatal wound?"
Frank: "It's gonna cost a lot for a surgeon."
Artificer: "Do it some more!"
Barbarian makes the throat slit gesture at Rogue.
Rogue: "I quickly just *ssst*!"
Everyone grimaces as Frank's throat is cut.
Frank (gurgling): "Oooooooow. This really hurts. I'm gonna need a powerful cleric for this. It's gonna be a hell of a go to tell a cleric-"
Artificer: "What?! He's still alive?"
Sorcerer and Barbarian: "Are you kidding me?!"
Rogue: "For f***'s sake!"
Artificer: "Just keep going. Just keep going. You have to cut off the head."
Rogue (OOC): "I'm just going to" (starts sawing) "cleanly" (keeps sawing) "cut off his head."
Frank (having his head sawed off with a dagger): "This is the worst birthday ever." *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Artificer: "Aw, what?!"
Sorcerer tries not to puke.
Barbarian whistles uncomfortably.
Rogue finishes the arduous beheading leaving Frank on the floor: "Gods!"
Artificer: "Wow! He didn't die! It took him so long to die!"
Sorcerer almost in tears: "Oh, gods!"
Barbarian is disgusted.
Rogue: "Man. Even I feel a bit bad about that one."
Frank: *disappointed* "Oh, no."
Everyone: "WHAT?!"
Everyone starts wailing on the decapitated Frank.
Rogue: "KILL IT!! KILL IT WITH FIRE!!""
...and that's how an old man lost his wife "Oh, no.", lost his farm to back taxes "Oh, no.", lost his dog to Goblins "Oh, no.", had his daughter get sick "Oh, no.", failed to take a hit for gold "Oh, no.", had his eardrum blasted "Oh, no.", had his gut exploded "Oh, no.", had his lung punctured "Oh, no.", had his throat cut "Oh, no.", had his head sawed off "Oh, no.", and was brutally murdered on his birthday "Oh, no."
The DM stated in a behind-the-scenes clip that he wanted the player to really feel it if they were going to do a decidedly Evil act. The two remaining assassins were very compliant after that. The DM said that Frank might still return.
The DM explained that, originally, the assassin was supposed to be using his age as a ruse and supposed to be revealed as a strong and agile killer, but when he rolled like a chump for that assassin, he decided to lean into the idea the the old man was just that - an old man and not the super assassin he intended.
He rolled bad for all of the assassins and the players all got good rolls. So, the turn-based part of the encounter was over as fast as it began. He had imagined it that the assassins would get the upper hand and the 5th player would join the game by coming across one of the 4 attempts and, after helping to dispatch that assassin, they'd go around helping the others defeat their assassins. So instead, the new player stumbled into a shop looking for supplies and found a strange interrogation happening and witnessed a brutal murder of a helpless old man who didn't start out like that on paper.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I don't know why, maybe I'm just a crazy person, but that was funny. What Alignment were the characters? It would be considered Chaotic Evil to kill someone so brutally........................ And kinda messed up....... Could Frank be some kind of vampire?
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I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it. Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks. MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
The DM said he's keeping track of their alignments but it's not written on the character sheets. He's of the mind that the players' choices decide the alignments during the campaign and doesn't want players to feel they must try to follow some criteria to act within an alignment. He doesn't think their apparent alignments will actually come into play - they're not very important in 5e mechanics. Their reputation is a different matter, though. Decisions of "nice" people doing brutal things have consequences and he won't let the choices be made easily.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
To start with, this was a campaign that was played in a game store where people could walk up and join if they wanted to. There were these two guys, just out of high school and not very bright. They tended to hang out together and always wanted to play stupid edgelord characters who were completely antisocial and talk about how awesome they were while trying to steal from the party, pick fights, talk about how they were smoking pipeweed because it was totally pot, or engage in other forms of chaotic stupidity.
So, the party is 1st level. We go into a town for a little downtime. Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber show up, with a 1st level wizard and 1st level cleric. They proceed to enter the roughest bar in town, where the wizard proceeds to insult the assorted thugs and lowlifes who are there. This unsurprisingly angers them, so he decides that he's going to cast Sleep on them. This is 3.0, so cue instant Attack of Opportunity because he's not casting defensively. The bouncer backhands him across the face with a club, instantly knocking him out. Assorted thugs and lowlifes all laugh and go back to their business.
Well, that would have been the end of it except that the cleric then decided that he was going to attack the bouncer with his mace.
He hits the bouncer and actually rolls a crit, taking the bouncer down.
Every other thug in the bar immediately got up, drew their weapons, and dogpiled him. He went down hard.
The city guard is called, they're both arrested for assault. While this is happening, the guards find the cleric's holy symbol. Or rather, they find his unholy symbol of Vecna.
Both characters are executed for being Vecna worshipers before they regain consciousness.
The guys depart and the gaming group doesn't see them for a while.
The guy who'd played the wizard comes back, the party is now 6th level by this point. He has made a sorcerer. He goes on about how this guy has filed his teeth to points and has dragon scale tattoos all over his face.
We get in a fight. It's dark. He decides that he is going to run off on his own. Unfortunately for him, he runs off in the direction where the enemies are coming from, because he's playing a human who can't see where he's going in the dark. He gets surrounded. He decides that he's going to play dead.
Cue the other sorcerer in the party lobbing a fireball right on top of him, because the other sorcerer can't see jack either and assumes that when the character fell over it was because he actually was dead.
Third time, he comes back with a monk. He comes up to the sorcerer and starts bugging the other player to cast a spell to light his pipe so his character can smoke pot. Sorcerer tells him to jump in the lake.
We find a traveling person who offers magic item gambling. You can offer up a magic item to him, and he'll let you exchange it for a different item, chosen at random, that you have to keep. Cue greedy players offering up the chance to get awesome magic times and mostly instead ending up with realizing that they just traded a +2 Greatsword for a Heward's Handy Haversack.
Monk boy is desperate for a magic item. However, he doesn't have anything of his own to trade. So he decides that he's going to offer up his soul. The GM calls for him to make a Religion check. Results= GM flat out telling him that this is a completely terrible idea and he shouldn't do it. He does it anyway.
The traveling gambler pulls out a Mirror of Life Trapping and sucks him in. He's dead. Goodbye.
That was the last time he tried playing in our group.
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Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
To start with, this was a campaign that was played in a game store where people could walk up and join if they wanted to. There were these two guys, just out of high school and not very bright. They tended to hang out together and always wanted to play stupid edgelord characters who were completely antisocial and talk about how awesome they were while trying to steal from the party, pick fights, talk about how they were smoking pipeweed because it was totally pot, or engage in other forms of chaotic stupidity.
So, the party is 1st level. We go into a town for a little downtime. Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber show up, with a 1st level wizard and 1st level cleric. They proceed to enter the roughest bar in town, where the wizard proceeds to insult the assorted thugs and lowlifes who are there. This unsurprisingly angers them, so he decides that he's going to cast Sleep on them. This is 3.0, so cue instant Attack of Opportunity because he's not casting defensively. The bouncer backhands him across the face with a club, instantly knocking him out. Assorted thugs and lowlifes all laugh and go back to their business.
Well, that would have been the end of it except that the cleric then decided that he was going to attack the bouncer with his mace.
He hits the bouncer and actually rolls a crit, taking the bouncer down.
Every other thug in the bar immediately got up, drew their weapons, and dogpiled him. He went down hard.
The city guard is called, they're both arrested for assault. While this is happening, the guards find the cleric's holy symbol. Or rather, they find his unholy symbol of Vecna.
Both characters are executed for being Vecna worshipers before they regain consciousness.
The guys depart and the gaming group doesn't see them for a while.
The guy who'd played the wizard comes back, the party is now 6th level by this point. He has made a sorcerer. He goes on about how this guy has filed his teeth to points and has dragon scale tattoos all over his face.
We get in a fight. It's dark. He decides that he is going to run off on his own. Unfortunately for him, he runs off in the direction where the enemies are coming from, because he's playing a human who can't see where he's going in the dark. He gets surrounded. He decides that he's going to play dead.
Cue the other sorcerer in the party lobbing a fireball right on top of him, because the other sorcerer can't see jack either and assumes that when the character fell over it was because he actually was dead.
Third time, he comes back with a monk. He comes up to the sorcerer and starts bugging the other player to cast a spell to light his pipe so his character can smoke pot. Sorcerer tells him to jump in the lake.
We find a traveling person who offers magic item gambling. You can offer up a magic item to him, and he'll let you exchange it for a different item, chosen at random, that you have to keep. Cue greedy players offering up the chance to get awesome magic times and mostly instead ending up with realizing that they just traded a +2 Greatsword for a Heward's Handy Haversack.
Monk boy is desperate for a magic item. However, he doesn't have anything of his own to trade. So he decides that he's going to offer up his soul. The GM calls for him to make a Religion check. Results= GM flat out telling him that this is a completely terrible idea and he shouldn't do it. He does it anyway.
The traveling gambler pulls out a Mirror of Life Trapping and sucks him in. He's dead. Goodbye.
That was the last time he tried playing in our group.
Stupid characters can be fun when done right and don't result in putting the party in dire straights. ...but sadly, I can't post the ones that survived their own stupidity (in a fun way) in this thread about deaths, but strangely, I don't have any examples of stupid characters dying either. I think I pick my parties carefully.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I died once because I ate poisonous berries. I thought they were blueberries because I rolled a one on my attempt to identify them.
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JoinThe Absolutely Anything Thread! We need help. Help us. Please. I am begging you please help us I'm so scared for my life right now these people should be locked up
R.I.P. If the spider was poisonous, that would make sense, but if it was not, he must be mentally level 1.
Ouch.............
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it.
Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks.
MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Don't even TRY to argue with me about Star Wars.
Almost but not quite a death last night:
Paladin: "There's a giant Minotaur skeleton thing here, help."
My Cleric: (Wining initiative) "I'm so going to regret this - Charge - "Foul creature, in the Name of Selune I will return you to the darkness you came from". Hits, good damage.
Minotaur: Rawr! Gores the already injured Cleric, Crits, max damage.
Cleric: "Meep, I'm done for". Falls to the floor unconscious.
Remaining party members finish off the Minotaur.
GM asks: So how badly is Sokosh injured? Do we need to do death saving throws?
Me: Well you know that amulet of wound closure that I attuned to like 5 seconds ago during our short rest? Well it stabilised me at 0!
Party member throws a potion of healing down the Clerics throat, who then gets up and croaks "Told you I was going to regret that!"
Paladin's player OOC - Well that was pretty lucky!
That was funny!
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it.
Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks.
MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Don't even TRY to argue with me about Star Wars.
😂😂😂😂
*sighs* Well, here's one that I haven't seen, but I think would have happened.
Dragonborn Barbarian: FACE ME YOU (INSERT RUDE WORD HERE) COWARD!!!!
Rogue: All right then. *Stabs barbarian in the throat, the lunngs, the heart, and between the shoulder blades* Yes? *Steps toward barbarian*
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it.
Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks.
MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Don't even TRY to argue with me about Star Wars.
The death of a character, an Elderly NPC attempting to be an assassin and failed miserably and died worse.
Buckle up. It's a long one.
After isolating the Sorcerer from the rest, the elderly man tried to attack the Sorcerer with a blade hidden in his cane; surprise attack round...
Back at the shop where 3 younger, more spry assassins are being questioned (even though one of them is dead). One is tied up with a magic rope by the Artificer, and the other is grappled by the Rogue, and the Barbarian is still trying to interrogate his dead assassin. Frank passed out on the way to the shop.
After convincing the new Bard player that they're not the bad guys, everyone failed their Intimidation checks against their individual assassin (even the Barbarian and his dead assassin). So, the Rogue explodes the dead assassin from the inside out spreading guts all over the shop. The DM grants advantage on the next Intimidation check. Only the sorcerer succeeds. The rest all fail again regardless.🤦🏻♂️
Frank spills the beans, rambling that they're part of a loose organization of assassins and they don't know who orders the hits. They just get posted to a board by the organization and members take the hit.
The grappled assassin was ungrappled when the Rogue exploded the dead one. She was cowering in a corner. During the handshake, she started moving around the shop slowly. The Bard notices and Australian-rules rugby-tackles her to the ground while she tried to run past her. The others clap approvingly.
...and that's how an old man lost his wife "Oh, no.", lost his farm to back taxes "Oh, no.", lost his dog to Goblins "Oh, no.", had his daughter get sick "Oh, no.", failed to take a hit for gold "Oh, no.", had his eardrum blasted "Oh, no.", had his gut exploded "Oh, no.", had his lung punctured "Oh, no.", had his throat cut "Oh, no.", had his head sawed off "Oh, no.", and was brutally murdered on his birthday "Oh, no."
The DM stated in a behind-the-scenes clip that he wanted the player to really feel it if they were going to do a decidedly Evil act. The two remaining assassins were very compliant after that. The DM said that Frank might still return.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
😳That's funny, sad... and scary at the same time
i agree
I am leader of the yep cult:https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/off-topic/adohands-kitchen/82135-yep-cult Pronouns are she/her
The DM explained that, originally, the assassin was supposed to be using his age as a ruse and supposed to be revealed as a strong and agile killer, but when he rolled like a chump for that assassin, he decided to lean into the idea the the old man was just that - an old man and not the super assassin he intended.
He rolled bad for all of the assassins and the players all got good rolls. So, the turn-based part of the encounter was over as fast as it began. He had imagined it that the assassins would get the upper hand and the 5th player would join the game by coming across one of the 4 attempts and, after helping to dispatch that assassin, they'd go around helping the others defeat their assassins. So instead, the new player stumbled into a shop looking for supplies and found a strange interrogation happening and witnessed a brutal murder of a helpless old man who didn't start out like that on paper.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I don't know why, maybe I'm just a crazy person, but that was funny. What Alignment were the characters? It would be considered Chaotic Evil to kill someone so brutally........................ And kinda messed up....... Could Frank be some kind of vampire?
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it.
Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks.
MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Don't even TRY to argue with me about Star Wars.
The DM said he's keeping track of their alignments but it's not written on the character sheets. He's of the mind that the players' choices decide the alignments during the campaign and doesn't want players to feel they must try to follow some criteria to act within an alignment. He doesn't think their apparent alignments will actually come into play - they're not very important in 5e mechanics. Their reputation is a different matter, though. Decisions of "nice" people doing brutal things have consequences and he won't let the choices be made easily.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Okay, here's few a doozies.
To start with, this was a campaign that was played in a game store where people could walk up and join if they wanted to. There were these two guys, just out of high school and not very bright. They tended to hang out together and always wanted to play stupid edgelord characters who were completely antisocial and talk about how awesome they were while trying to steal from the party, pick fights, talk about how they were smoking pipeweed because it was totally pot, or engage in other forms of chaotic stupidity.
So, the party is 1st level. We go into a town for a little downtime. Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber show up, with a 1st level wizard and 1st level cleric. They proceed to enter the roughest bar in town, where the wizard proceeds to insult the assorted thugs and lowlifes who are there. This unsurprisingly angers them, so he decides that he's going to cast Sleep on them. This is 3.0, so cue instant Attack of Opportunity because he's not casting defensively. The bouncer backhands him across the face with a club, instantly knocking him out. Assorted thugs and lowlifes all laugh and go back to their business.
Well, that would have been the end of it except that the cleric then decided that he was going to attack the bouncer with his mace.
He hits the bouncer and actually rolls a crit, taking the bouncer down.
Every other thug in the bar immediately got up, drew their weapons, and dogpiled him. He went down hard.
The city guard is called, they're both arrested for assault. While this is happening, the guards find the cleric's holy symbol. Or rather, they find his unholy symbol of Vecna.
Both characters are executed for being Vecna worshipers before they regain consciousness.
The guys depart and the gaming group doesn't see them for a while.
The guy who'd played the wizard comes back, the party is now 6th level by this point. He has made a sorcerer. He goes on about how this guy has filed his teeth to points and has dragon scale tattoos all over his face.
We get in a fight. It's dark. He decides that he is going to run off on his own. Unfortunately for him, he runs off in the direction where the enemies are coming from, because he's playing a human who can't see where he's going in the dark. He gets surrounded. He decides that he's going to play dead.
Cue the other sorcerer in the party lobbing a fireball right on top of him, because the other sorcerer can't see jack either and assumes that when the character fell over it was because he actually was dead.
Third time, he comes back with a monk. He comes up to the sorcerer and starts bugging the other player to cast a spell to light his pipe so his character can smoke pot. Sorcerer tells him to jump in the lake.
We find a traveling person who offers magic item gambling. You can offer up a magic item to him, and he'll let you exchange it for a different item, chosen at random, that you have to keep. Cue greedy players offering up the chance to get awesome magic times and mostly instead ending up with realizing that they just traded a +2 Greatsword for a Heward's Handy Haversack.
Monk boy is desperate for a magic item. However, he doesn't have anything of his own to trade. So he decides that he's going to offer up his soul. The GM calls for him to make a Religion check. Results= GM flat out telling him that this is a completely terrible idea and he shouldn't do it. He does it anyway.
The traveling gambler pulls out a Mirror of Life Trapping and sucks him in. He's dead. Goodbye.
That was the last time he tried playing in our group.
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Party of four lvl4 fighting undead beholder
3 of the party scramble and hide.
Rogue comes out hey guys what's *zapped by paralysis ray fails save*
Party stays hidden doesn't try to help
Rogue is disintegrated next turn
Player: Well BALLS THANKS GUYS!
PyscoSonic#4554
This is why I don't play stupid characters.
Stupid characters can be fun when done right and don't result in putting the party in dire straights. ...but sadly, I can't post the ones that survived their own stupidity (in a fun way) in this thread about deaths, but strangely, I don't have any examples of stupid characters dying either. I think I pick my parties carefully.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
I died once because I ate poisonous berries. I thought they were blueberries because I rolled a one on my attempt to identify them.
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In my time being dead I have become a Geometry Dash addict. You should play the level with the ID of 109387224.
I agree on stupid characters. It's only if they don't die that they're funny. Here's a (fictitious) example:
Rogue: ooh, Jell-O!
Fighter: uhhhhhh...
Wizard: Gelatinous cube!
Rogue: yeah that's what I said.
[party flees]
Rogue: hey, where did everyone go? What about the Jell-Oglorp glop glug glurg [engulfed by the gelatinous cube]
DM: the rogue's epitaph reads this: was eaten by the jell-o he went out to eat.
Rogue Shadow, the DM (and occasional) PC with schemes of inventive thinking