I'm currently DM'ing for a group of 3 who are new to roleplay and Dungeons and Dragons and have one player who is very intimidated and insecure. We've already played a couple of times and she's doing fine in my opinion, but she feels very insecure. When I try to explain the rules to her, she easily gets distracted and after a short time, she gets overwhelmed. I know from playing games like Dead of Winter that she loves playing games once she gets the hang of it and she's actually very good at it, but she always has trouble when a game has a steep learning curve.
Does anyone have advice on how to help her or train her?
Use patience above all else ( but perhaps not infinite patience, if she's still like this after 2 years). Touch base with her occasionally, make sure she's not having issues.
Strip the presentation down to a simpler, easier to deal with format. For example here's a video on making simplified Character sheets for newbies.
Give her a dice set when each die is a distinct color, and then use a corresponding highlighter on her Character sheet for the various rolls ( d4 is green, so green highlight all the d4 rolls on her character sheet ).
Download some free online spell cards ( if she's a caster ), and give them to her.
Fill out spell cards for her non-spell class abilities, "here's your action surge ability, when you use it, turn it over onto the discard pile. When you long rest you get your discard pile back".
But above all, patience, and ease her into the rules slowly.
Disclaimer: This signature is a badge of membership in the Forum Loudmouth Club. We are all friends. We are not attacking each other. We are engaging in spirited, friendly debate with one another. We may get snarky, but these are not attacks. Thank you for not reporting us.
Sounds like a social anxiety problem more than a problem specific to D&D’s rules. I’ve seen a few of these situations in the short time I’ve been playing. This community tends to draw in those with social anxiety, while at the same time putting them in a stressful environment. My sense is she doesn’t want to feel like a slowdown to the game, or a problem that distracts, so when you go into rules explanations, she shuts down, because if she engaged with you, that means this rules lesson will last longer and inconvenience others more.
My advice is to handle rules stuff outside of the table. Be very complimentary—very specifically complimentary. Not “Good job.” But “using that spell there was smart.” Or “That was a good combat. It’s nice when the barbarian can get to the front line and absorb damage with rage like you did. Really helps the party.” If rules stuff comes up, say “By rule, it can’t work that way, but we can just say you...” and offer a solution within the rules. “...Is that good, or do you want to do something else?” Then you can go back in a PM or other out of game time and say “yeah, the rule I was referring to earlier is...So that’s why I suggested...”. Keeping the game flowing so she can stay immersed, and letting her know she’s fitting in as an asset to the group will help her stay relaxed.
All of the general rules that people use all the time are contained in chapters 7, 9, (and 10 for spellcasters) of the Basic Rules. The basic rules are free access to everyone. It might be easier to share that link and let her read through those chapters herself at her own leisure. Things seem much less overwhelming for some folks if they know it’s only a set few pages and they can absorb it at their own pace.
You may also consider a slightly different style of play where you handle abstracting much of the mechanics for players. I do this for new players and children. Get them to an understand their character and the types of things their character can do and then adjudicate the rules for the things they want to do. They will pick up the mechanics over time. I actually consider it my failing as a DM if a player ever frames what want they want to do as a check.
Might be worth looking into a PC cheat sheet. The DM from the first game I played in had a great one that covered all the mechanics of combat pretty simply and then had references for things like AOE spell damage and when to use proficiency and not, etc... It could be that having something that is easy for her to quickly reference when its her turn, or before her turn might make it less intimidating. I'm sure there are a bunch out there for free.
I also think making sure that you're all (other PCs included) being patient and calm with her will be a big help. Saying something along the lines of "describe what you want to do" with her first and then walk her through the steps. After doing that for a little bit I'm sure she'll pick up on the majority of things quickly.
I'm currently DM'ing for a group of 3 who are new to roleplay and Dungeons and Dragons and have one player who is very intimidated and insecure. We've already played a couple of times and she's doing fine in my opinion, but she feels very insecure. When I try to explain the rules to her, she easily gets distracted and after a short time, she gets overwhelmed. I know from playing games like Dead of Winter that she loves playing games once she gets the hang of it and she's actually very good at it, but she always has trouble when a game has a steep learning curve.
Does anyone have advice on how to help her or train her?
Sit down with her and do some 1 on 1 sessions so she can get comfortable without stressing other people seeing mistakes and uncertainties. with a 1v1 session, you can always press the pause button and explain things, and help calm her. Once she gets comfortable, she'll probably be much better in a normal, party situation.
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Just RP everything and give choices or just ask what she wants to do. If it requires die rolls, tell her which die to roll and figure out the totals for her or tell her she needs X do succeed.
Then give good descriptions of the result, "You slice the goblin across the shoulder making it yelp in pain!" not just " you hit or you miss".
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
Going rules light isn't going to help the player learn the rules and get comfortable with them.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
I'm currently DM'ing for a group of 3 who are new to roleplay and Dungeons and Dragons and have one player who is very intimidated and insecure. We've already played a couple of times and she's doing fine in my opinion, but she feels very insecure. When I try to explain the rules to her, she easily gets distracted and after a short time, she gets overwhelmed. I know from playing games like Dead of Winter that she loves playing games once she gets the hang of it and she's actually very good at it, but she always has trouble when a game has a steep learning curve.
Does anyone have advice on how to help her or train her?
How about this:
Everybody learns differently. Some learn better by reading, some better by listening, and others better by doing. Some folks learn better on their own, some learn better with personal tutelage, others better in group settings. Some folks learn better with lots of time and freedom, others learn better under a ticking clock and a bit of pressure.
Have you asked your player what will help her best learn?
Some nice advice so far. She definitely learns better by doing so I think that solo sessions are a good way to go. I've tried one out where I thought that it would be a good idea to keep it small but the interesting thing was that she immediately started trying out other stuff. The idea was a simple combat scenario but she started out with approaching her enemies and tried to trick them.
I'm also looking into finding/creating an easier to understand player sheet. I can find a lot but the thing I'm having trouble with is finding good options for the spells. I'm used to the tool for 4th editions where you just made your build and pressed print. Is there a good option for 5e (where I don't have to digitally buy all the books again)?
Awesome! It sounds like she's able to try out things that she's want to try without fear of slowing down other people's sessions by over thinking.
I don't know if I can help much with the character builder thing. I usually use DDB, and I've got digital copies of the books. I do know of a site that might help you with your spells, when I used to print my character sheets off rather than just use a tablet for managing my character sheet digitally, I used to make my spell lists at this site: https://www.dnd-spells.com/spells
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Playing a class like sorcerer or warlock or bard, where they only get a very limited set of spells, is a lot easier than playing a wizard or cleric, where you have to think about which spells from a large set you will use each day (and thus need the learning curve of which spells might be useful for any particular day).
Rules-light doesn't mean no rules, but it does mean not overloading with too much information in one go. The DM can easily gradually introduce more rules as they become appropriate (e.g. the shape of a spell when it is cast for a spellcaster).
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
I'm currently DM'ing for a group of 3 who are new to roleplay and Dungeons and Dragons and have one player who is very intimidated and insecure. We've already played a couple of times and she's doing fine in my opinion, but she feels very insecure. When I try to explain the rules to her, she easily gets distracted and after a short time, she gets overwhelmed. I know from playing games like Dead of Winter that she loves playing games once she gets the hang of it and she's actually very good at it, but she always has trouble when a game has a steep learning curve.
Does anyone have advice on how to help her or train her?
Use patience above all else ( but perhaps not infinite patience, if she's still like this after 2 years). Touch base with her occasionally, make sure she's not having issues.
Strip the presentation down to a simpler, easier to deal with format. For example here's a video on making simplified Character sheets for newbies.
Give her a dice set when each die is a distinct color, and then use a corresponding highlighter on her Character sheet for the various rolls ( d4 is green, so green highlight all the d4 rolls on her character sheet ).
Download some free online spell cards ( if she's a caster ), and give them to her.
Fill out spell cards for her non-spell class abilities, "here's your action surge ability, when you use it, turn it over onto the discard pile. When you long rest you get your discard pile back".
But above all, patience, and ease her into the rules slowly.
My DM Philosophy, as summed up by other people: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rN5w4-azTq3Kbn0Yvk9nfqQhwQ1R5by1/view
Disclaimer: This signature is a badge of membership in the Forum Loudmouth Club. We are all friends. We are not attacking each other. We are engaging in spirited, friendly debate with one another. We may get snarky, but these are not attacks. Thank you for not reporting us.
Sounds like a social anxiety problem more than a problem specific to D&D’s rules. I’ve seen a few of these situations in the short time I’ve been playing. This community tends to draw in those with social anxiety, while at the same time putting them in a stressful environment. My sense is she doesn’t want to feel like a slowdown to the game, or a problem that distracts, so when you go into rules explanations, she shuts down, because if she engaged with you, that means this rules lesson will last longer and inconvenience others more.
My advice is to handle rules stuff outside of the table. Be very complimentary—very specifically complimentary. Not “Good job.” But “using that spell there was smart.” Or “That was a good combat. It’s nice when the barbarian can get to the front line and absorb damage with rage like you did. Really helps the party.” If rules stuff comes up, say “By rule, it can’t work that way, but we can just say you...” and offer a solution within the rules. “...Is that good, or do you want to do something else?” Then you can go back in a PM or other out of game time and say “yeah, the rule I was referring to earlier is...So that’s why I suggested...”. Keeping the game flowing so she can stay immersed, and letting her know she’s fitting in as an asset to the group will help her stay relaxed.
All of the general rules that people use all the time are contained in chapters 7, 9, (and 10 for spellcasters) of the Basic Rules. The basic rules are free access to everyone. It might be easier to share that link and let her read through those chapters herself at her own leisure. Things seem much less overwhelming for some folks if they know it’s only a set few pages and they can absorb it at their own pace.
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting
You may also consider a slightly different style of play where you handle abstracting much of the mechanics for players. I do this for new players and children. Get them to an understand their character and the types of things their character can do and then adjudicate the rules for the things they want to do. They will pick up the mechanics over time. I actually consider it my failing as a DM if a player ever frames what want they want to do as a check.
Might be worth looking into a PC cheat sheet. The DM from the first game I played in had a great one that covered all the mechanics of combat pretty simply and then had references for things like AOE spell damage and when to use proficiency and not, etc... It could be that having something that is easy for her to quickly reference when its her turn, or before her turn might make it less intimidating. I'm sure there are a bunch out there for free.
I also think making sure that you're all (other PCs included) being patient and calm with her will be a big help. Saying something along the lines of "describe what you want to do" with her first and then walk her through the steps. After doing that for a little bit I'm sure she'll pick up on the majority of things quickly.
Sit down with her and do some 1 on 1 sessions so she can get comfortable without stressing other people seeing mistakes and uncertainties. with a 1v1 session, you can always press the pause button and explain things, and help calm her. Once she gets comfortable, she'll probably be much better in a normal, party situation.
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Tasha
Go rules light.
Just RP everything and give choices or just ask what she wants to do. If it requires die rolls, tell her which die to roll and figure out the totals for her or tell her she needs X do succeed.
Then give good descriptions of the result, "You slice the goblin across the shoulder making it yelp in pain!" not just " you hit or you miss".
"Sooner or later, your Players are going to smash your railroad into a sandbox."
-Vedexent
"real life is a super high CR."
-OboeLauren
"............anybody got any potatoes? We could drop a potato in each hole an' see which ones get viciously mauled by horrible monsters?"
-Ilyara Thundertale
Going rules light isn't going to help the player learn the rules and get comfortable with them.
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Tasha
Agreed.
How about this:
Everybody learns differently. Some learn better by reading, some better by listening, and others better by doing. Some folks learn better on their own, some learn better with personal tutelage, others better in group settings. Some folks learn better with lots of time and freedom, others learn better under a ticking clock and a bit of pressure.
Have you asked your player what will help her best learn?
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting
Some nice advice so far. She definitely learns better by doing so I think that solo sessions are a good way to go. I've tried one out where I thought that it would be a good idea to keep it small but the interesting thing was that she immediately started trying out other stuff. The idea was a simple combat scenario but she started out with approaching her enemies and tried to trick them.
I'm also looking into finding/creating an easier to understand player sheet. I can find a lot but the thing I'm having trouble with is finding good options for the spells. I'm used to the tool for 4th editions where you just made your build and pressed print. Is there a good option for 5e (where I don't have to digitally buy all the books again)?
Awesome! It sounds like she's able to try out things that she's want to try without fear of slowing down other people's sessions by over thinking.
I don't know if I can help much with the character builder thing. I usually use DDB, and I've got digital copies of the books. I do know of a site that might help you with your spells, when I used to print my character sheets off rather than just use a tablet for managing my character sheet digitally, I used to make my spell lists at this site: https://www.dnd-spells.com/spells
Any time an unfathomably powerful entity sweeps in and offers godlike rewards in return for just a few teensy favors, it’s a scam. Unless it’s me. I’d never lie to you, reader dearest.
Tasha
Playing a class like sorcerer or warlock or bard, where they only get a very limited set of spells, is a lot easier than playing a wizard or cleric, where you have to think about which spells from a large set you will use each day (and thus need the learning curve of which spells might be useful for any particular day).
Rules-light doesn't mean no rules, but it does mean not overloading with too much information in one go. The DM can easily gradually introduce more rules as they become appropriate (e.g. the shape of a spell when it is cast for a spellcaster).