Matt Mercer, DM for critical role, DM's with his girlfriend/ fiancé playing, and I think they are still doing fine. Honestly, the big thing to remember is to treat her like you treat everyone else. Don't side with her when you normally wouldn't. Don't give her more "screen" time than everyone else. Don't let her always find the most amazing cool incredible to die for item, or always have that item custom made like it was made for her.
All those things are okay, so long as you also do it with everyone else at the table.
I'm currently DMing a game for my fiancee and a couple of our friends...within the first few moments of the game she spartan kicked a kid out of a cart and then tried to frame him for stealing. I say that because it was frustrating and I honestly thought "Wow what an *******"; the trick is to take a deep breath and keep moving forward and not punishing your SO because when they are playing fluffernuts the gnome pirate you have to realize its a game.
Gaming with a spouse, or other form of significant other, is no issue at all - it's gaming with jerks that is the problem. So all you have to do to have a successful inclusion of any number of couples in your gaming is for none of them to be jerks.
That means no playing favorites, no overcompensating to prove you aren't playing favorites, no distracting from the game with unrelated stuff (I.e. don't be the couple that seem to have all their personal fights at the table with everyone else just wishing they could spend that time dungeon-diving and slaying dragons and such, and don't be the couple that can't take a break from intimate displays of affection for long enough to have a game session not accompanied by smushy wet sounds from their side of the table), and other stuff that jerks might do that I've never personally experienced and thus can't think of at the moment.
It's, obviously, easiest when the significant other being included is genuinely interested in playing the game, and not just wanting to be included because otherwise they have nothing to do during session time. Feeling like they are being pushed into participating, even by their own "I don't know what else to do", is a way to get someone to really dislike the experience and even intentionally sabotage it, and that's not good for anyone involved.
I've been DMing for my wife for a number of years either in the family game or in a couple of the other groups I run. I don't treat her any differently fro the other players. Sometimes she sneaks a peek at something I'm writing for an adventure or what page of the MM I'm looking at LOL! I've gotten good at leaving false notes lying around. It's been comical when she preps spells for undead after watching me reading about them and there are no undead.
Honestly they are a player like anyone else, and should treated with the same respect as the rest of the group.
If the dice kill her it will be a good idea to remind her that the dice did it and not you hahaha! On second thought keep your mouth shut.
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JT "You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."
Yup, been running 5e D&D for a few months, with my wife and another couple playing. The plan is when the adventure I am running comes to a natural conclusion, one of the others will take over running for a bit, with the same setting/characters.
I DM for my spouse, even worse, her sister (my sister-in-law) and her brother's wife (my sister-in-law-in-law) are also in the gaming group. The only problems I've run into are that they get together and talk about non-D&D stuff WAAAAAY too much. Of the two other people at the table, one is one of my best friends since high school and the other is his wife (she joins in on the talking way too much). Since 4/5 of the PCs are controlled by the talkers, and the other one is married to one of them, we've just learned to accept that everything is going to take MUCH LONGER than it might in any other group. But, for them, D&D is a way to get together and socialize and playing D&D comes second (they treat it more like a board game in that regard). I did have another player who wasn't ok with that, and we talked and he just bowed out (we still play video games together though).
Now, I have had a DM that did the whole treat the significant other differently than the rest of the party, and it was a complete mess. But, I think that was more of him being a bad DM (and even more of her being a bad person, luckily they aren't together anymore) than it was the actual experience of dating/being married to someone you DM for.
Working with a significant other though... that's a completely different ballgame...
“It is a better world. A place where we are responsible for our actions, where we can be kind to one another because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of being frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment.” ― Oramis, Eldest by Christopher Paolini.
I DM for my wife AND our kids... the dirty looks I get from the kidlets when I'm killing their character is one of the true joys in life. (Especially if they've been annoying for the week preceding). They have quickly learnt that good behaviour may be rewarded in game. Bad behaviour has them rolling with disadvantage.
Actions have consequences, unforseen, deadly, hilarious consequences.
The spouse thing is less of an issue for us, but then we've been gaming against each other in various forms for a while, and leave it all at the table. That is one of the things we laid down early on, that it is a game, and things that happen between characters (and those characters and god) are just that. Not anything that should bleed over into the real world.
I've DMed for about a year with my wife in the party. She's into it and really getting the RP aspect, so I'm lucky that I deal with her character instead of her and that she knows and respects that difference. It also helps playing mostly with close friends and family, so then I can dissapointment them all with my lack of bias at once.
Mirror a lot of people here. I DM. Campaign with my wife and 2 other couples...
Hard part is finding the balance of not favoring her, and amd also not itentionally ignoring her so it won't seem like I am favoring her to the others...
She has only ever been. Rods with me when I allowed a dragon wyrmling toy with her companion hawk for a few rounds until it died...
She has a nice new Blink Dog puppy now, so all is good.
I DM for my wife and she DMs for me all the time. We are our groups main DMs. No issues at all. (Other than when I make her cry, but she says she loves it)
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The most memorable stories always begin with failure.
I've actually not ever seen it become an issue. It's mostly other players who start sensing there might be a problem. This makes me wish my husband would play D&D...
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DM: Adventures in Phandalin [Khessa], The Dread of Strahd[Darya], Dragons of Stormwreck Isle [Rook], Baldur's Gate Mysteries [4-Player] Player: Oona in MO's Icewind Dale Ru's Current Status
I play with my partner in two campaigns, one of which I DM and the other as a fellow player. It's great, and tbh I don't really see where the problems would come from.
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DM: The Cult of the Crystal Spider (Currently playing Storm King's Thunder) Player: The Knuckles of Arth - Lemire (Tiefling Rogue 5/Fighter 1)
I have been a DM for almost 7 years now and my husband is one of the players in the group. For the most part, it works out pretty well for us. There are some times when we get into a martial spat that affects the game night, but for the overall most part we both have a ton of fun. I think the hardest part for me is keeping all my story/games ideas and plans a secret from him cause I really, really want to talk to someone about them.
I have been a DM for almost 7 years now and my husband is one of the players in the group. For the most part, it works out pretty well for us. There are some times when we get into a martial spat that affects the game night, but for the overall most part we both have a ton of fun. I think the hardest part for me is keeping all my story/games ideas and plans a secret from him cause I really, really want to talk to someone about them.
;)
I know you meant marital... but I'm just loving the idea that you guys get weapons and fight it out...
“It is a better world. A place where we are responsible for our actions, where we can be kind to one another because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of being frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment.” ― Oramis, Eldest by Christopher Paolini.
I have been a DM for almost 7 years now and my husband is one of the players in the group. For the most part, it works out pretty well for us. There are some times when we get into a martial spat that affects the game night, but for the overall most part we both have a ton of fun. I think the hardest part for me is keeping all my story/games ideas and plans a secret from him cause I really, really want to talk to someone about them.
;)
I know you meant marital... but I'm just loving the idea that you guys get weapons and fight it out...
lol, I'm pretty sure we've both thought about it :)
My husband and i have been playing together for 6 years now and it's going great! He DMs some of our games and we both play as PCs in other games. (we are currently in 5 active games) We make it work, sometimes I feel like he railroads me but i have no problem calling him out on it. We talk it out until we both feel its fair for both of us. whether it be in game or after. You just have to be open and communicate with each other and be willing to put personal feeling aside and let the other play the game the way they think the character would.
We bounce ideas off each other all the time and even have started painting minis together. D&D has definitely brought us closer together because it's something we both have fallen in love with.
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Am i in trouble? Is this wise? Will anyone remember me?
In all seriousness, anyone DM for their spouse? Does it work well?
Matt Mercer, DM for critical role, DM's with his girlfriend/ fiancé playing, and I think they are still doing fine. Honestly, the big thing to remember is to treat her like you treat everyone else. Don't side with her when you normally wouldn't. Don't give her more "screen" time than everyone else. Don't let her always find the most amazing cool incredible to die for item, or always have that item custom made like it was made for her.
All those things are okay, so long as you also do it with everyone else at the table.
Im more lilwly to short change her, honestly. So it will be obvious no favoeites.
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InsidersI've played with my husband for a number of years. I actually want to kill him more when he's a player than when he's the DM.
A dwarf with a canoe on his back? What could go wrong?
I'm currently DMing a game for my fiancee and a couple of our friends...within the first few moments of the game she spartan kicked a kid out of a cart and then tried to frame him for stealing. I say that because it was frustrating and I honestly thought "Wow what an *******"; the trick is to take a deep breath and keep moving forward and not punishing your SO because when they are playing fluffernuts the gnome pirate you have to realize its a game.
https://gamingandchillpodcast.squarespace.com
Gaming with a spouse, or other form of significant other, is no issue at all - it's gaming with jerks that is the problem. So all you have to do to have a successful inclusion of any number of couples in your gaming is for none of them to be jerks.
That means no playing favorites, no overcompensating to prove you aren't playing favorites, no distracting from the game with unrelated stuff (I.e. don't be the couple that seem to have all their personal fights at the table with everyone else just wishing they could spend that time dungeon-diving and slaying dragons and such, and don't be the couple that can't take a break from intimate displays of affection for long enough to have a game session not accompanied by smushy wet sounds from their side of the table), and other stuff that jerks might do that I've never personally experienced and thus can't think of at the moment.
It's, obviously, easiest when the significant other being included is genuinely interested in playing the game, and not just wanting to be included because otherwise they have nothing to do during session time. Feeling like they are being pushed into participating, even by their own "I don't know what else to do", is a way to get someone to really dislike the experience and even intentionally sabotage it, and that's not good for anyone involved.
I've been DMing for my wife for a number of years either in the family game or in a couple of the other groups I run. I don't treat her any differently fro the other players. Sometimes she sneaks a peek at something I'm writing for an adventure or what page of the MM I'm looking at LOL! I've gotten good at leaving false notes lying around. It's been comical when she preps spells for undead after watching me reading about them and there are no undead.
Honestly they are a player like anyone else, and should treated with the same respect as the rest of the group.
If the dice kill her it will be a good idea to remind her that the dice did it and not you hahaha! On second thought keep your mouth shut.
JT " You will find that many of the truths we cling to depend greatly on our own point of view."
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D&D Beyond FoundersYup, been running 5e D&D for a few months, with my wife and another couple playing. The plan is when the adventure I am running comes to a natural conclusion, one of the others will take over running for a bit, with the same setting/characters.
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"We got this, no problem! I'll take the twenty on the left - you guys handle the one on the right!"🔊
I DM for my spouse, even worse, her sister (my sister-in-law) and her brother's wife (my sister-in-law-in-law) are also in the gaming group. The only problems I've run into are that they get together and talk about non-D&D stuff WAAAAAY too much. Of the two other people at the table, one is one of my best friends since high school and the other is his wife (she joins in on the talking way too much). Since 4/5 of the PCs are controlled by the talkers, and the other one is married to one of them, we've just learned to accept that everything is going to take MUCH LONGER than it might in any other group. But, for them, D&D is a way to get together and socialize and playing D&D comes second (they treat it more like a board game in that regard). I did have another player who wasn't ok with that, and we talked and he just bowed out (we still play video games together though).
Now, I have had a DM that did the whole treat the significant other differently than the rest of the party, and it was a complete mess. But, I think that was more of him being a bad DM (and even more of her being a bad person, luckily they aren't together anymore) than it was the actual experience of dating/being married to someone you DM for.
Working with a significant other though... that's a completely different ballgame...
Click Here to Download my Lancer Class w/ Dragoon and Legionnaire Archetypes via DM's Guild - Pay What You Want
Click Here to Download the Mind Flayer: Thoon Hulk converted from 4e via DM's Guild
“It is a better world. A place where we are responsible for our actions, where we can be kind to one another because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of being frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment.” ― Oramis, Eldest by Christopher Paolini.
I DM for my wife AND our kids... the dirty looks I get from the kidlets when I'm killing their character is one of the true joys in life. (Especially if they've been annoying for the week preceding). They have quickly learnt that good behaviour may be rewarded in game. Bad behaviour has them rolling with disadvantage.
Actions have consequences, unforseen, deadly, hilarious consequences.
The spouse thing is less of an issue for us, but then we've been gaming against each other in various forms for a while, and leave it all at the table. That is one of the things we laid down early on, that it is a game, and things that happen between characters (and those characters and god) are just that. Not anything that should bleed over into the real world.
Otherwise, if in doubt - blame the dice.
- Stu
#6321 on Discord.
I've DMed for about a year with my wife in the party. She's into it and really getting the RP aspect, so I'm lucky that I deal with her character instead of her and that she knows and respects that difference. It also helps playing mostly with close friends and family, so then I can dissapointment them all with my lack of bias at once.
#OpenDnD. #DnDBegone
Mirror a lot of people here. I DM. Campaign with my wife and 2 other couples...
Hard part is finding the balance of not favoring her, and amd also not itentionally ignoring her so it won't seem like I am favoring her to the others...
She has only ever been. Rods with me when I allowed a dragon wyrmling toy with her companion hawk for a few rounds until it died...
She has a nice new Blink Dog puppy now, so all is good.
I DM for my wife and she DMs for me all the time. We are our groups main DMs. No issues at all. (Other than when I make her cry, but she says she loves it)
The most memorable stories always begin with failure.
I've actually not ever seen it become an issue. It's mostly other players who start sensing there might be a problem. This makes me wish my husband would play D&D...
DM: Adventures in Phandalin [Khessa], The Dread of Strahd [Darya], Dragons of Stormwreck Isle [Rook], Baldur's Gate Mysteries [4-Player]
Player: Oona in MO's Icewind Dale
Ru's Current Status
I play with my partner in two campaigns, one of which I DM and the other as a fellow player. It's great, and tbh I don't really see where the problems would come from.
DM: The Cult of the Crystal Spider (Currently playing Storm King's Thunder)
Player: The Knuckles of Arth - Lemire (Tiefling Rogue 5/Fighter 1)
I have been a DM for almost 7 years now and my husband is one of the players in the group. For the most part, it works out pretty well for us. There are some times when we get into a martial spat that affects the game night, but for the overall most part we both have a ton of fun. I think the hardest part for me is keeping all my story/games ideas and plans a secret from him cause I really, really want to talk to someone about them.
;)
Click Here to Download my Lancer Class w/ Dragoon and Legionnaire Archetypes via DM's Guild - Pay What You Want
Click Here to Download the Mind Flayer: Thoon Hulk converted from 4e via DM's Guild
“It is a better world. A place where we are responsible for our actions, where we can be kind to one another because we want to and because it is the right thing to do instead of being frightened into behaving by the threat of divine punishment.” ― Oramis, Eldest by Christopher Paolini.
My husband and i have been playing together for 6 years now and it's going great! He DMs some of our games and we both play as PCs in other games. (we are currently in 5 active games) We make it work, sometimes I feel like he railroads me but i have no problem calling him out on it. We talk it out until we both feel its fair for both of us. whether it be in game or after. You just have to be open and communicate with each other and be willing to put personal feeling aside and let the other play the game the way they think the character would.
We bounce ideas off each other all the time and even have started painting minis together. D&D has definitely brought us closer together because it's something we both have fallen in love with.