I had to cancel this week’s session (again) due to a severe emotional breakdown.  I, along with every member of my family, had an awful week.  Seriously, it was like every single person in my family rolled nat 1s on their Life checks.  In retrospect, I wasn’t really prepared for the session at all, so cancelling was probably for the best.

So, we found out that there are three bards in the party. And two of them are disabled. (One's mute, the other blind). And all of us are probably insane, in one way or another.

Quote from PugofUtterDestruction >>

So, we found out that there are three bards in the party. And two of them are disabled. (One's mute, the other blind). And all of us are probably insane, in one way or another.

 I'd recommend that the third one become deaf, so they can be renamed See, Speak and Hear!

DM: "Ok guys, this is the final bossfight. You're a level 20 party with a ton of powerful items, so I had to homebrew a boss to be hard enough to be a challenge. He's an ancient elder god, the most powerful being in the universe, and he's about as hard as a tarrasque, but I made him a bit harder."

*we are currently getting our butts handed to us.*

P1: "Wait, I accidentally just got a peek at the boss's sheet!"

DM: "I know I don't have a screen, but still, stop looking, don't metagame!"

P1: "You said it was a BIT harder than a Tarrasque, right?"

DM: "Uh huh."

P1: "DM, why does his HP column have FIVE digits?"

(Yes, the DM went on a homebrew power trip. Yes, the eldritch elder god had 69,420 health. Yes, we are going to cheese the heck out of the rest of the fight.)

So my last session (well, 3 rolled into one as I ran them on consecutive nights) went really well.

My fiancee asked for a solo adventure, and she made a ranger for the game - level 3, with twig blights as her swarm and the ability to summon a beasty to fight with her. Pretty good for a solo adventure as it made sure there was someone else to take the hurt (her panther). 

Session 1 was t oclear out gnolls from a cave near the local village. she and 5 villagers who wanted to help made their way there, and she stationed 2 of them outside (ironically the only 2 without commoner stats) and took 3 in. She fair slaughtered her way through the gnolls, but nearly died twice - luckily she had a healing spell! At the end of the cave she found that the Gnolls had knocked through into an old dwarf ruin, and there she fought a pair of old cleaning automata (spindly brass men with a mop and a broom!) who were set on cleaning her up. Then she found some decent loot - an elemental gem (water), a bag of unidentified magical dust, 2 health potions, some firewire (my own homebrew looted from a book), 3 bottles of unidentified potion from a glowing yellow tank I had put in for pure ambience, and a strange magogany box. The village innkeeper looked it over and said it was beyong him, and that she should seek out the artificer which is supposed to live to the south.

Session 2 she journeyed south to the artificer and, after fighting off some troglodytes which were in a cave en route and a pair of Worgs who she used speak with animals to talk to (and found out how cruel they are), she found the artificers mansion. She went past the mausoleum without investigating, and to the mansion. There she met Jeeves, the mechanical butler who moves around by popping in and out of pipes in the floor with a loud "Twum!" noise, resulting in him being punched in the face by Molly (PC), kicked in the face by Jennifer (Molly's horse) and slashed across the face by Breem (the innkeeper in the village) when he took a message to him, bursting out of his barrel of apples. She also met Felicity, the warforged artificer, who lives in the mansion, alone with her "help", which are automata which float around cleaning, cooking and trimming hedges (they look kind of like brass versions of the bots in megamind, but nicer).

The artificer told her that the box was part of an old project, 200 years before, that she undertook with her then co-worker Gizmo Grayling, the gnome. She is clearly extremely excited at having the box, and explains how the project she had started 200 years before could now be completed - if Molly helps her. Her project is to cure Lycanthropy, but she needs Molly to help her to gather the last pieces to restart the project. She sends her off after the first piece - a giant red salt crystal from a mine several hundred miles south. She opens out a map and details the options, and suggest she get a boat down the coast to make the journey faster. Molly agrees, and Felicity gives her some money to help her journey and promises to guard the village in Molly's absence.

Session 3, Molly travels north to Midwood, and there sells her Worg pelt to an incredibly rude and disgusting orc, and tries to buy barding for her horse. Shen she returns the next day to pick the horse up, she finds the blacksmith weeping in an empty room, having had everything taken by the Blackwind Brothers - Jennifer the horse included. The blacksmith was in debt, and they came to claim it back - taking everything. Molly sets out to the Northern River Gate to find them, and promptly slays her way through half a dozen bandits, a Thug, and Talon Blackwind the half-ogre, who vows "My brother is going to kill you" as he dies. She then sees 3 bandits and a bigger bandit (Byron Blackwood, not half ogre but still big) escaping on a raft, downriver to where it flows under the town. She actually jumps her horse onto the raft, knocking one bandit off in the process, and kills the other 2. She levels her bow at Byron, and he asks what happened to his brother. She tells him, and says he has 2 options - never let her see him again, or die. He smiles, and says "I'll take the third option", before yanking on the rudder and capsizing the boat, knocking her into the river as she shoots him in the shoulder. Molly washes up in a sewer, with no sign of Byron, and is about to try and lead Jennifer back out to the surface - somehow. That's where we left it!

Honestly, I didn't anticipate that the horse would be coming into the sewers too! XD

Next time she rests she'll be going up to level 5 I expect, as she did an awful lot of slaying and wasn't too far off at the start! I'm looking forward to seeing whether she returns the blacksmith's stuff or just goes on her way once she gets out!

The first half of the session: general silliness as my character hid from the little old ladies she angered by beating them to the Black Friday sales, the nominally evil party member got suckered into shoveling the old ladies' driveways for them, and then we all went to a karaoke bar, got plastered, and belted out 80s tunes.

The second half: a desperate battle to save my character - the party's beloved cinnamon roll - from a vampire that charmed and manipulated her into thinking none of her friends actually liked her (the fact that their efforts to save her looked like attacks from her perspective didn't help matters). I am currently flying away with the vampire to his castle, and depending on the efficiency of the party's rescue efforts I may be a dhampir when they find me.

Closing scene: My character's best friend sadly singing Tainted Love (our duet from the karaoke bar) after her as she flew away.

Our party Warlock had been expecting to commune with Levistus, an archdevil...but instead was greeted by Asmodeus, who proclaimed that Levistus had been sneakily doing business behind his back; and thus, all of his resources now belonged to him...including the Warlock.

As luck would have it, Asmodeus more or less wanted the Warlock to do the same thing Levistus wanted...kill the gray dwarves that were sneaking around Icewind Dale.

The Warlock was released from this vision, and rejoined the party.

From there, the party set off into the unpopulated, snowy wilderness between the Ten-Towns of Icewind Dale...they were chasing after some Zhentarim who had stolen a "Cauldron O' Plenty" from Easthaven...a magical pot that could provide an endless supply of stew to feed the people through the endless winter.

Along the way, the party encountered curious sights...six snowmen, who were arranged & carved from snow and ice to resemble a wizard who had just recently been burned alive not two days ago. How these snowmen came to exist several miles from any populated area remained a mystery; as well as if they had been made before or after the burning of the wizard in question.

The Warlock also spotted a rare sight...a chwinga, riding an artic fox through the wilderness. The Warlock raised a hand in greeting, some distance away...and the chwinga mimicked the gesture, apparently interested in the Warlock.

Our Sorcerer, who was a native to Ten-Towns, told the Warlock what the chwinga was, and that they were so reclusive & rarely seen, that many people believed them to be yet another myth of the Icewind Dale.

The chwinga disappeared into the darkness with the arctic fox, and the party continued their pursuit of the Zhentarim.

And...they found them.

Two of them had been slaughtered by an old enemy of the party...a woman named Shala, who had been possessed by the dark goddess Loviatar.

I had re-worked her as a "chain devil"...except that instead of chains; she now had nasty barbed whips which snaked around her like living things.

As she strangled & flayed the last living zhentarim thug, she spotted the party approaching...and recognizing who they were, she flew into a zealous rage.

Our platinum kobold...now a devoted "Oath of Glory" Paladin of Bahamut...immediately charged at Loviatar...but the difficult terrain of the deep snow hindered the small kobold somewhat. The Sorcerer hung back at a distance, while the rest of the party charged into to aid their friend.

Shala snared several of them from round to round...her barbed whips grappling & restraining them as they slashed & pierced them...and the party realized just how dangerous she had become.

However, with the Sorcerer delivering some decent ranged damage, they managed to chip away at her health slowly...and the Glory Paladin used their Channel Divinity to make their escaping of the grapples a bit easier.  The Warlock & the Rogue worked together, and managed to land a hit or two on her, delivering the first sizeable bit of damage.

But Shala grew enraged and managed to snare the two of them yet again, and our Paladin missed both of their attack roles as they broke free of their grapple.

It was looking grim, as both the Rogue & Warlock became the subject of her wrath...both took some nasty damage.

...and then the Paladin took a breathe, focused, and landed BOTH of their axe attacks on Shala.

DOUBLE SMITE.

The wicked avatar was cleaved into pieces as the kobold finally ended her path of slaughter.

After the battle, the party detected movement in the trees...our Sorcerer reacted hastily and flung an "Ice Knife" into the forest.

There was a scream...and then a tiny bead of ember whizzed through the distance back to where the Sorcerer stood alone in the snow.

BOOM.

Fireball.

The Sorcerer made their Dexterity saving throw...which ultimately saved them from an instant death.

They discovered a woman named Prudence, who had betrayed Easthaven by handing over the "Cauldron O' Plenty" to the Zhentarim.

She had also stolen a "Scroll of Fireball" from the dead wizards belongings, intending to use it against the Zhentarim if they double-crossed her.

Our bounty hunter warlock manacled Prudence, and our party brought her & the reclaimed Cauldron towards Bryn Shander, where the leaders of the Ten-Towns were about to meet for an important meeting regarding their survival for this seemingly endless winter...

All you need to know about this story is there is a magic item called an Orb of Dragonkind from the DMG. It's main feature includes the ability to compel all evil dragons within 40 miles of you to fly towards you. Oh it's also possessed by a dragon, that, if you fail a DC 15 charisma saving throw when attempting to control the orb, gains the power to cast suggestion at-will against the orbs user.

Cult Leader: "Ah, thank you adventurers, for helping us kidnap this gang leader" (My Party just seem to say yes to anyone asking them to do anything, provided they word it correctly)

Cult Leader: "As a reward, take this Orb, I hear it's useful for tracking down dragons.

Low-Int, Low-Wis, Low-Cha Fighter obsessed with killing dragons: Aw, Sweet, this sounds great.

-Short while passes-

DM (Me): "Since you're taking a short rest, would you like to attune to the orb?"

Fighter: Sure, why not?

-Sends over Orbs description, minus the part about the dragon spirit being able to cast suggestion on those who fail Cha saving throw-

Fighter: "Bwah ha ha, this is great!"

Ranger: "What does this thing actually do?"

Fighter: "I can summon all dragons towards me within 40 miles!"

Ranger: "But there's an Ancient Dragon lair literally 50 miles away, you're not going to use it are you!?!"

Fighter: "Of course not, but it can do other stuff. Let me just say the command word"

DM: "Make a Charisma Saving Throw"

Fighter: "9... wait, it doesn't say anything bad happens if I fail"

DM: (Says innocently) "Oh, that's probably to stop you quickly commanding it in combat, there's all sort of stuff like that with older magic items"

Fighter: "Fine, I'll just keep rolling then"

Warlock (Privately): "I know what this is, I think you forgot to tell him the part about the dragon spirit"

DM: "I merely sent him the parts he needed to know about"

Warlock: -Concern-

-Short time later-

DM: "Hey Fighter, can you make a Wisdom saving throw?"

Fighter: "Huh? Oh, a 5"

DM: "That summon dragon feature sounds really cool... you really want to see it in action"

Ranger: "Oh no!"

-Thankfully no dragon within 40 miles-

Rogue: "You've got to remember, we're only level 9. He's probably only going to use it to attract Young Dragons.

Me, looking at the quest that involves the party investigating near an Ancient Dragon's Lair: ("Mwah ha ha")

Cliffhanger ending.  Corlin, a young up-and-coming officer in the Elven Defense Forces is given his toughest assignment yet:  track down and eliminate a coven of hags in the forest.  Corlin and associates battle their way past quicklings, redcaps, and even a fomorian giant through the fey-touched forest to find the witches' cottage, but the wheels come off when they finally confront the coven and Corlin is turned into a newt.  

This last week’s session was curtailed due to a doctor’s appointment, so I couldn’t run the dungeon crawl/boss fight that I had planned.  Instead, after some discussion, I ran an old mini-adventure/side quest which I had written but never used.  It was awkward for me, and extremely chaotic for everyone (I had written it around the mob rules from the DMG, which I have since forgotten), but we all had fun.  They killed roughly 180 twig blights, and whittled the Gulthias Tree down to about half health, before we had to wrap up for the night.

My last session was the first of our new campaign. We're running Dragon Heist. The most notable thing that happened was that one other PC is a literal child, one is a Jersey Shore wine aunt, and the other is so edgy it's astounding.

We are playing a Mystara based 5th edition Weird Wild West D&D game right now. We played session #2 last Thursday! The PCs did some shopping and exploring the town. They stumbled across a halfling thief who stole a bag of coins from the bakery. They weren;t able to catch her but they agreed to go to the bakery the next morning to discuss possible security services. They went to the cemetery and saw afar off a single Lizardfolk warrior. 

Information posted on my blog here.

So not one, but both, of the groups I was a player in collapsed due to ooc drama. Then the DM from one of the collapsed campaigns suggests that I should take over DM'ing, and before I even answered, told everyone in the group that I'd probably be up to Dm'ing a campaign for everyone, and I arrive to find people have already created characters for a campaign I am now supposedly the DM for.

I decided to DM Icewind Dale and limit the amount of optional content to make as little prep as possible. All 3 of the players I dm for are new and seem to be very sure of themselves. I do have to frequently remind them that doing things like 'Long-Resting in a room next door to a bunch of enemies' and then I get to hear gems like this.

Rogue: "And with sneak attack, that makes a whole 13 piercing damage!"

Cleric: "Oh I can hear the anger in the DM's voice that we're pummelling all his encounters"

Me: (What I want to say) Yes, it really annoys me how you have yet to have a battle where at least half of the party doesn't get knocked down.

Me: (What I really say) Well, you are actually starting to think tactically and are really getting a grip on your abilities (Hah)

-2 minutes later-

Cleric: "I think this fight is too tough, maybe I should flee"

(The cleric was at full health, had flight and was fighting an enemy with no ranged attacks at the time)

Paladin: "Please do not flee, I've failed 2 death saving throws and you can heal as a bonus action!!!"

-Cleric thinks about it-

Cleric: "Okay, but you owe me"

Oh and it gets better, the DM of one of the collapsed campaigns, who said he was too busy for dnd, is now telling me about the character he will play when he joins my campaign.

...

Quote from Doug_Booshaka >>

So not one, but both, of the groups I was a player in collapsed due to ooc drama. Then the DM from one of the collapsed campaigns suggests that I should take over DM'ing, and before I even answered, told everyone in the group that I'd probably be up to Dm'ing a campaign for everyone, and I arrive to find people have already created characters for a campaign I am now supposedly the DM for.

I decided to DM Icewind Dale and limit the amount of optional content to make as little prep as possible. All 3 of the players I dm for are new and seem to be very sure of themselves. I do have to frequently remind them that doing things like 'Long-Resting in a room next door to a bunch of enemies' and then I get to hear gems like this.

Rogue: "And with sneak attack, that makes a whole 13 piercing damage!"

Cleric: "Oh I can hear the anger in the DM's voice that we're pummelling all his encounters"

Me: (What I want to say) Yes, it really annoys me how you have yet to have a battle where at least half of the party doesn't get knocked down.

Me: (What I really say) Well, you are actually starting to think tactically and are really getting a grip on your abilities (Hah)

-2 minutes later-

Cleric: "I think this fight is too tough, maybe I should flee"

(The cleric was at full health, had flight and was fighting an enemy with no ranged attacks at the time)

Paladin: "Please do not flee, I've failed 2 death saving throws and you can heal as a bonus action!!!"

-Cleric thinks about it-

Cleric: "Okay, but you owe me"

Oh and it gets better, the DM of one of the collapsed campaigns, who said he was too busy for dnd, is now telling me about the character he will play when he joins my campaign.

...

 Good god.  Maybe you should just flatly state that you’re not going to keep running the game unless they actually respect you!  In any case, you have my deepest sympathy!  I went through a similar situation a few years ago, and it wound up destroying the group I was playing with.  I’ve moved on to a more considerate gaming group.

Well, they managed to kill the Gulthias Tree yesterday.  I hope we get back to the story soon!  I’ve been sitting on the best dungeon I’ve ever made (not that that means much) for almost a month now.

The party was preparing for the Townsmoot, a meeting between the various leaders of Ten-Towns to discuss an imminent threat from grey dwarves, and the endless winter of the Frostmaiden.

The biggest hurdle was the Town Speaker of Targos, a man named Naerth, who was secretly a member of the Zhentarim. He wanted to control the Ten-Towns through a combination of theft, bribery & blackmail…and our party Sorcerer had been hunted by Zhentarim bounty hunters for some time, so they were essentially enemies.

The moot began in the morning; and the party already had some allies from the other Speakers…Easthaven, Caer Dineval and Caer Konig all supported the party for saving their towns from gray dwarf spies & devil worshippers.

The Sorcerer immediately accused Speaker Naerth of being a Zhentarim shot-caller…which Naerth denied.

But not one, but TWO rolls of a Natural 20 persuaded the other Speakers that anybody fraternizing with the Zhentarim would be immediately arrested & held for trial…thus crippling Naerth’s influence, as he could not risk associating with the Black Network.

The party also convinced the Ten-Towns to collaborate into a singular fighting force, strengthening their collective borders for whatever the evil grey dwarves had planned.

Finally, the party agreed to serve as advanced scouts to locate the gray dwarf stronghold in the Spine of the World.

And so, the party prepares to venture out into the wilderness of Icewind Dale.

After robbing a store and holding some people hostages the session beforehand, this session my players went to a library to read up on cursebreaking, one of them self harmed in order to test a magic rune, and then they skinned someone’s neck. And then they all got arrested. Fun times!

This summarizes my last session pretty well.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1M5_RLQ2x5LwPPeokINDw00pL7jW_zWgJ/view?usp=sharing

In my last session (as a first time DM for 5e), the party traveled half way from a ford of a river (Harrison's Ford) to the next town, a Seat of the Baron Mondego.  At the half-way point, the caravan leader wished to show the party something.  The something was a graveyard dedicated to his countrymen that fought bravely in a desperate battle on that site, where Orcs were enraged that the men were camping their army near a sacred Orc burial site.

When they arrive, the party and the caravan leader, at the small graveyard they find that three of the graves have been dug up and evidence indicates something is going on inside the Orc's burial mound.  The caravan leader must lead his caravan to the town for overnight safety.  He asks them to investigate the Orc burial mound and catch up with him in the next town.  The party agreed, although one member (of the six) was quite reluctant.

Into the tomb they went.  I produced a number of maps to represent the "Fog of War" to help give the issue some degree of unknown that something might jump out at the party.  They advanced to the main tomb and saw ten orc bodies laid in a mummified state in their alcoves.  One empty alcove was investigated and they "found" a hidden door in the back of the alcove.  In they went.  They advanced to the next chamber adjoining a special chamber where there were three alcoves, all empty.  Once inside, a magic mouth appeared and told the party of the names of the honored dead and reminded them Gruumsch is watching over us.

Leading away from this chamber is a newer tunnel fashioned unlike the first tunnels.  This tunnel led into a chasm.  inside the chasm there was a pathway chipped into the wall wide enough for one person.  The party was attacked by four Troglodytes.  They did manage to beat the four pretty easily, but used two spell slots in the process.  (the party is level 2)  Now they have decided to take a short rest as they cling to the wall of the chasm.

Had session one of a new campaign last night, it was really good! It's a mystery type one, more roleplay than sword swinging, which is a fresh change for me!

2 players - myself as a school of sword bard running from "not victorian London" to "not America" to escape a huge amount of people to whom I owe money, and my fiancee playing as a private investigator tiefling rogue. We met on the ship, and I immediately decided to follow her as she struck me as an adventurous sort, if a little abrasive.

She had been summoned to meet a character in the city of Baskerville by a note signed "A.V.H.". We met the character - Abraham Van Helsing - and went back to the university to discuss the problem - namely that there have been a series of grisly murders, occurring every 2 nights since the lord of the town disappeared - or at least, the Enforcers, who have taken over as the law, claim that he did.

We investigated the most recent murder site, where a body had been found burnt and partially eaten, and found a black hair, some ruined scaffolding & scorch marks on the floor. We also found a weird blue liquid which Van Helsing's apprentice, Henry, said resembled medicines he had seen, though he failed to elaborate on which. We found a trail leading to the woods, and there me t a giant wasp, mutated, with blue stuff dripping from it's mouth. We slew it, and dragged its corpse back to the university, which both Ven Helsing and Henry found very unsettling.

We returned to the trail at night and observed from the rooftops a large hellhound leaving the forest, twitching and shuddering and clearly in pain, belching flames involuntarily. It smelt us, and decided to try and leap up to eat us - and we ran. A failed jump and a tumble from the rooftops later and we were on the streets, hellhound behind us. I threw an insult over my shoulder (vicious mockery) and Bath (the rogue) threw a dagger, which missed. We split up and managed a combo attack, with her jumping onto its back from a rooftop whilst I spun and slashed it with my blades, doing a blade flourish and neatly splitting it down the middle. It pumped this weird blue liquid everywhere, then burst into flames. a scrap of flesh landed in front of me, with a tattoo on it - "XH147". It looks like a serial number.

That's where we left it - having slain the hound of Baskerville, and the mystery having deepened! It was a good session, with lots of suspense and us embracing the idea that running is definitely a good idea, rather than the usual heroics and "we can take it" attitude I'm used to using! I'm really looking forward to round 2!