Hi. I have been a DM for 3 years and played dnd as a whole for 5 years (only 5th edition). I am 24 (almost 25) and my confidence is wavering. I have played with many groups along these years (from best friends, to groups at the pubs, people online, people around the world online). I have tried to get as much feedback as possible from my players  to create a greate environment and balance roleplay, mystery, fight, hilarious moments and stupid encounters as much as possible. 

Example: Last session, my players wanted a healthy mix of character development, mystery, comic and heroism. So I made a band of bandits try to rob them at the beginning after they were distracted by a black chicken crossing the road, only for the bandit chief to trip, fall, snort and get stuck into his own speech and give up robbing them. After that, arriving at their place of meet with the net important NPCs, I made clear the current objective of the party (identify the cult of the dragon caravan and join in secret to spy on them). They did, and during the travel some more NPCs joined them (the caravan) rather easily.
At one point, someone recognized them (From the cult) due to a previous encounter at a camp and tries to poison them, but it is stopped by one of the newer NPCs. Later a crime is commit but they do not find a culprit. During the night, since none of them are keeping watch, they are being surrounded by Cultists and the NPC who saved them morphs (was a changeling) into one of the characters old friends, now a cultist herself trying to kill the character and her new companions. She manages to escape after and intense battle where almost any of them could have died. 

They still considered this not good enough as they considered this too tough, not fair since I hid my dice rolls (even though I am supposed to do that since they are really not good at this). I am giving them as much information as possible about what they should do, they environment, the reactions of the other NPCs, but they still do not like it. When I give them detail about a place, they consider it too much, but then, if the fight is issued, they consider I did not offer enough information. When I give during the fight extra details they want, they become paranoid. When faced with a fight they do not know they can certainly win, they try to flee, and fail. After that, if I move that piece of information somewhere else, they fail there too, even sometimes with DC 7 or lower and they push me to create even more situations and use even more of my free time and it tires me.


Please, I need an honest feedback. Also, when they have an important fight, I show my rolls and play the enemy as good as I can. And even give them as often as I can Inspiration.


EDIT: Another example is that I played a one shot with these guys since I wanted to show how I would play perfectly (whole descriptions, perfect combat) letting them be as OP as they want for a LV5 characters (4PCs). I killed them with 5 goblins and 4 wolves (having traps that some of them noticed with passive perception but did not tell the others). They mess things up on purpose but want me to make so that they are forgiven for everything. I had this talk with them 3 times by now. I am getting tired and want to quit DMing.

PS: For those who wonder, I am playing with these guys for about a 9 months. In the past, the same thing happened with others (more or less).

Since you are looking for feedback here:

1.I guess I will take the hook of why would a chicken distract the bandits and make them give up? It doesn't sound like the characters did anything do avoid the encounter, they were just present.

2. Did the characters recognize the other cult member who recognized them? Did you give any signs that they were in danger?

I believe that you may have given them information overload if they are complaining about it. It is hard to tell what information is important and what information is not. There is the set it all happens on, but try to make the key points obvious by alternating your tone or stressing critical information that their characters would pick up on - don't even make them roll for it. Just state it clearly: Player A you notice this cult member from town and they know you are tasked with infiltrating the cult! Do not rely on characters to inquire such things, or to even roll for it when your plan is to have them try to sneakily poison the party. Perhaps if you want to roll to see if they notice, have a confrontation be direct and make it clear who is against them. 

To me, it sounds like your players are confused and feel frustrated with the portrayal of the situation. While a player who notices a trap should call it out to the party there is little reason to not mention it, or to not make use of it in an encounter when possible. Your players seem to be overwhelmed, lack confidence and are probably unable to realize or remember the dangers their characters are aware of. In a combat situation, a spotted trap can be useful and a player might shove a wolf or a goblin into it - but without clear markers and such they are just as likely to activate it themselves. And you had 9 enemies at once. While Encounter builder says that would be Easy the numbers and the flow of battle can easily make that a TPK without environmental/trap hazards. Pack Tactics is an ability that is not to be underestimated.  

Side note: Party had to run from TPK situation by some goblins at level 4 - advantage and readied actions basically obliterated them even with a 20 AC paladin. Not sure of your situation, but do 2 or 3 enemies for them and they should fair much better.

Also, maybe try simplifying situations. Dont build the adventure like it’s Mission: Impossible. Like your example of they need to identify and join the cult to spy on them. They did that. Did they know what they were supposed to be doing once they joined? Was there something in particular information wise they needed or was it just RP? Did you say something like “are you sure you don’t want to have someone on watch?” They are still in hostile territory after all. 

Sometimes, especially with newer players but sometimes veterans, you may need to spoon feed them some help. Like maybe someone recognized the cultist they met before or saw the cultist acting odd around their food. Encourage them to ask questions about what’s going on, the environment (so you don’t have to describe everything in detail) etc. 

I’m sure others will have more advice for you. 

I'd say that the same material can be run by different GMs and the same group of players could like some but not all of the various versions.

Where maybe the only difference is the tone of the GM. Some groups like a more tongue in cheek play, while others get in for more  serious drama. Some like to feel up against the wall while others prefer to curb stomp the baddies reliably. And all stops in between.

It may be that the general material you ran was fine but delivery tone is what didn't hook them.

Why that session and that group didn't sync well is a mass pile of ???? variables that it could be. No real way to say what you could change up to have had a better result without being the fly on the wall observer of the whole thing.
A lot of this is down to your read of the room to try and work out what left them unsatisfied.

But here's some general GMing advice about what works for me/what i'm trying to do when in the seat. Not in order of importance but maybe order of challenge.

1: this is the hardest part, try to read what it s the players desire, but don't ask them about it. And for sure don't behave/speak to them as if you were the waiter here to serve/you were the business expected to deliver what the customer wants.
Instead be the GM that knows you have what they want. Be in charge of what a sessions is and will or will not deliver. Don't think in terms of what all they want and how can you deliver all of that in one session.

2: Yeah i know all the players want all the things all at once. But they gonna have to wait, they gonna have to earn things, they gonna have to take turns. Sometimes a single session will be very RP talkies heavy, while another session will be combat heavy. The flow of the story has to set the pace, not a to do list of encounters that need to go off in the one session.

3: consistency of tone and be in line with the players' preference. If it's going to have a serious tone then avoid oddities and gags like a robber that changes their mind about robbing because of their own buffoonery. If it's going to be lite funnies, then no real world hardships like night ambushes when the party don't set a watch. Pick a tone lane and stay in it, players can't make good informed choices in world if the world itself flipy flops willnilly from Looney Toons to Band of Brothers.

4a: don't be too real. turn a blind eye to a lot of what you can imagine would harm the party/undermine their plans/make life hard on them, that they failed to noticed. Allow that the players have some GM hand on the world wheel too. If they table talk to imagine an ambush, then maybe there should be one. If they seem oblivious to this idea of an ambush, then there should not be one. Because if the characters of the story , in the world they live in, have no clue that that matters. That's is 100% the GMs fault.
I describe the world to them, they can only know of it what i reveal. If all that i describe didn't lay plain they should consider an ambush, then i failed in that not them. And now if i ambush them, from their POV i'm arbitrary. but we're supposed to be in a  story and those are expected to not be one arbitrary event after the next but to make plausible sense as a series of events and reactions to them.
Again this like 1 from above, works better if you got players that will openly table talk in front of you, so you can better know what is in their mind's eye about the world.

4b: My in mind reminder at my table to myself all the time:
The players are the most interesting part of the story here, not me, the world, or any NPCs I create.
The PCs are center stage to the story. As game world GOD, I can only yoink a rug on them when the players themselves already understand the in game situation is likely to go that way for their PC. Otherwise as game world all seeing all knowing all control god, it is wrong to surprise my players with hardships their PC should have had some ideas about.
If what i'm doing is normal to the world, then the characters born and raised to that world have some clue, right? No blind siding a player with in world "normals" they were not clued into in advance is a big deal at my table.

5: Blind player rolls are a normal part of the play, but that varies a lot form table to table. I say blind rolls are a good thing. The players are the stars, so to that end, as drama demands it, i will fudge the dice sometimes.
At my table all my GM rolls are behind the screen, except occasional dmg rolls for heightened drama. And all player rolls that are not objectively knowable, but judgment calls, are also behind the screen. Player knows if they saved, hit an attack,  climbed a great height safely, bargained for a better price. That sort of stuff is open rolls.
What a PC can't know for sure, but relies on subjective judgment calls. Like check for traps. Or intuition: I know for a fact that person wasn't lying to me, (perception)i know objectively there are no hiding people in this room. from the in world POV PC, those are best due diligence judgment calls, not objective facts.
So for all checks that are a PC's best professional judgement call, that they could be wrong about. They roll behind the screen and i provide a subjective judgment call based assessment of the roll. a 1 and a 20 both gets an answer along the liens of:  You feel certain about this, you are absolutely sure about this. And the players at the table know this, i grant a 50/50 player known guess on a nat 1 or 20 roll.
Basically for blind rolling to work, you need to have a very consistent format of it adhered to. And as i said, i will fudge as needed for best drama if things are not working out well naturally. A PC won't die a boring unimportant death from a side quest or whatever seems anticlimactic, but they do face death at the table to be sure. Just not a lame one at the hands of unreliable RNG gods. 

At the end of it all, the RNG has to matter and be real for the game. But at the same time, RNG is a piss poor story teller that has no understanding of drama or comedic timing.
I allow the RNG to guide us as long as the path seems a good one, but i do put hand on the wheel, if the RNG is making poor story telling choices for us.

Anyway GMing (facilitate group story telling while putting everyone else but yourself in the spot light) is a ton of work, but if it's a thing you enjoy it is also very rewarding and there's kind of nothing else like it. Just takes a lot of time and practice to get decent at it. And then it is still like any story. Not everyone likes Lord of the Rings. So learning to read the room as figure out what the players will want, but without asking them about it. Is kind of a mainstay GM skill i feel. It's important not to ask the players as that sets expectations.
And disappointment is the gap between what was expected and what was delivered.
If they expected "to have a fun social time" that's very different than the expedition of "balance roleplay, mystery, fight, hilarious moments and stupid encounters as much as possible. "

Keep at it, and over time you'll develop your own set of "what works for me," just takes time and experience.

So I'll kind of play your side in this, because I think sans their input, you haven't done anything in your summaries that is a red flag to me. Maybe a few yellow flags. I will say I would be interested to see their side of the story, and frankly even your side is summary, so we're not going to be able to anything but speculate and choose sides.

With the bandits, I think you should have let them ambush your party. Did the leader just roll badly to walk up to them? That feels forced. Were I one of them, I could be mad that you created an event that was just a waste of time. But on the other hand, how did they respond to the situation? Even if they don't like it, this is collaborative story telling. An incompetent group of bandits is comedy gold, but it's kind of on them to 'yes-and' you. I would just say come with an overall intent that makes sense on the table, not just for the sake of comedy.

If they don't like getting ambushed at night, then they need to stand watch or get le dome. That's what that rule and spell are for. Unless you all took night encounters off the table in session 0, its fair game. They're sleeping unprotected in an enemy lair. Personally, I would even go as far as to prompt them with 'Is anyone standing watch?' or 'Are you setting up any preventative measures to protect you through the night?'. As TKW said, sometimes you just need to spoon feed them. I think the same goes for traps. A 'do you mention this to the party?' goes a long way, and also puts the onus on them.

If they want your rolls to be public then do it. Let the dice fall like guillotines. The act of fudging rolls as a DM, at its core, is just a way to keep your party happy. If they want the reality, then give it to them. But in that case, the fight absolutely has to be fair/tuned if you intend it to be winnable. Maybe start with something below their level and move up until you find a comfort zone. Again would like to hear their side for what they thought of combat difficulty.

Also this, 'I want more detail, but you're giving too much detail' stuff is a load. Feels like they're just looking for excuses for why they aren't having fun. If they want more details they can ask you for it and you can let them roll.

Have you told them them how you are feeling when you can't meet their expectations? If so, how do they respond to this? How long have these players been playing D&D? 

Also consider that if they aren't having fun and you aren't having fun, then you shouldn't be playing together. The adage 'No D&D is better than Bad D&D' definitely applies.

If you are feeling frustrated and a little burnt out. Take a break, let someone else run or get a premade adventure module to run. 

Nobody died. They shouldn't be upset.

Roll in the open. Don't fudge your die rolls. How it is, is how it is. It builds trust with your players that you aren't making stuff up.

Not all players (including DMs) are right for all tables. There are three legs to the table that every TTRPG is played on: the game, the story, and the camaraderie. Some people play more for the mechanical aspect of the game itself. Some people play for the enjoyment of telling a story together all about the characters. Some folks play just for something to do with their friends and hang out. Most people play for some combination of those three things in different ratios. You seem to more heavily favor the gaming aspect, them the other two aspects more. That’s making your table wobble. You essentially have three main options:

1. Meet them where they are and play a more casual game.
2. Encourage them to move towards your side of the table and play more strategically.
3. Find a different table to play at.

There are other ways you could try to resolve things, but those are the three most likely to work out.

As to the specific question of whether or not you are a “good DM,” there’s only one way to measure that, and it’s a simple pass/fail assessment: are your players having fun? 

It is hard to gain a true sense of what the issues you face are when I am not present at the game table. 

Here are a few things you could considered:

1. Take a break!  Wisdom evolves in the mind about the past when it is given more time to contemplate.  During that time you can jot down notes in a document for D&D while enjoy creating things with no pressure. Use the experience you have gained as a DM while you ponder your creations. This way when you do DM again you are even more prepared. By the time you are ready to DM again, you will have learned a great deal. Remember, this isn’t a job, its a hobby and a passion.  

2. Have one of the players take over DMing. Everyone is supposed to be having fun. If they think they have something to offer, let them step up to the plate. The end goal should not be about who DMs better though, especially since this is subjective. But hopefully everyone can learn more about how to create a more enjoyable gaming experience as you try new things. 

3. Focus on what is fun. DMing is hard!  You have to play every character in a made up fantasy world, inclunging NPCs, monsters, and people from all walks of life who have complex and varying perspectives. You have to play the role of nature and concoct believable events within your story. You have to do this all while remembering how the rules work, how every class power works, how much damage a monster does, how many hit points it has left, if the encounter your running is too harsh or not challenging enough, you have to ponder how to modify your encounters on the fly and all while remembering whose turn it is in the initiative! It’s a bit overwhelming at times! And having unforgiving players doesn’t make it any easier. BUt remember that just because it isn’t going well right now, that it does not mean that it won’t be better later. DMing takes a lot of skills and they take a while to fully develop, and truly they are always evolving just like we are always learning. You don’t have to be perfect, you just have to be having fun while you are trying to improve or you are wasting your time. But DO NOT GIVE UP! If you try, you will eventually get to a place you want to be.  Sometimes you just have to try new things, change it up!

4. Record game play! Sometimes you learn things when listening back. Plus i think its fun 

For everyone who has answered: Thank you, especially to Full Frontal Yeti for his lengthy message and AeryofKurin!

I am taking a break for a while as many of you suggested. I will try to feed them more information without rolls to see what happens. The reason why I gave them at the beginning so much detail was to have a proper idea of their surroundings and use them to their advantage. I welcome more feedback. 

Extra info for those who try from now on top figure my situation in the example: I made them roll (each one) for discovering the member who recognized them, but they failed (since it was a hard roll). Now I cannot say and have everything in their favour as I also want them to come with ideas, not just blind fighting through everything and killing every enemy (which they want to). 

Quote from cypraldo >>

When I give them detail about a place, they consider it too much, but then, if the fight is issued, they consider I did not offer enough information. 

Gonna pick just this part of what you said to offer some advice about. A lot of times when players ask about the terrain during a fight ("How high is the ceiling? How wide is this corridor? Could you describe the objects in the room?") what they're really asking is, "Is the plan I have in mind viable in this environment?" When you get questions like this, instead of answering from the hip, turn it around and ask them "What do you have in mind?"

Because if someone's playing a rogue, and they want to know if there's cover in the area they can hide behind, they ought to be asking that as a straightforward question--"Is there cover here I can hide behind?" But if they just ask "Could you describe the objects in the room?" and I don't know why they're asking, there's a chance I might not give them what they want. Then the player is disappointed through no real fault of the DM's, due to the communication gap. But if I know what they have in mind, then I can make a conscious choice based on that information; usually giving them the chance to do something cool (a high ceiling they can levitate or fly up to, or a narrow corridor they can hold with a damage zone spell) is better than withholding that chance. And if you do want to withhold that chance, telling them "no, there's nothing in here large enough for you to hide behind" then at least that choice is made with intention because you want the fight to be a little tougher, rather than by accident.

Quote from cypraldo >>

For everyone who has answered: Thank you, especially to Full Frontal Yeti for his lengthy message and AeryofKurin!

I am taking a break for a while as many of you suggested. I will try to feed them more information without rolls to see what happens. The reason why I gave them at the beginning so much detail was to have a proper idea of their surroundings and use them to their advantage. I welcome more feedback. 

Extra info for those who try from now on top figure my situation in the example: I made them roll (each one) for discovering the member who recognized them, but they failed (since it was a hard roll). Now I cannot say and have everything in their favour as I also want them to come with ideas, not just blind fighting through everything and killing every enemy (which they want to). 

 So an old DM tip I was given a few years ago was don't hide rolls or the purpose of rolls. When you are asking for a roll tell them what the DC for the roll is tell them what they will get if they succeed and what the consequences are for failure. This adds tension to rolls and makes things clearer as well. I don't know if this helps at all for the situation you are dealing with but I hope it helps. Other than that when describing a scene I was always given the tips of the 5 senses, what do you see, hear, smell, taste and feel. Such as.

As you come to the corner you can hear the sounds of shop keepers talking loudly trying to gain the attention shoppers, the smell of fried foods and grease mix in the air as you see crowds of people in brightly colored cloth looking at the various stall lining the street. You feel the heat of the air and the sun beating and the sense of excitement from shoppers and eagerness of the merchants, it is a bright and joyous day, what do you do?

Finally, if I may suggest a channel I would check out the Knights of last call. They largely do PF2, but are actually an all around RPG content channel and play things like blades in the dark, and powered by the apocolypse and various other RPG's. Check out their series on game master tips. These videos are long and I have found the best way to get through them is basically treat it as a podcast form.