Well, your language needs cleaning up something fierce. For example, a PC can only use a bonus action on their own turn, so specifying “on your turn” is redundant and redundancies like that can make things extra wordy and confusing. Don’t get me wrong, I love words. I have been called “verbose” several times in my life. However, there is a difference between using additional words that actually add to the meaning or flow of something, and just adding extra words. Also, “may” means “are allowed to,” “can” means “are capable of.” In 5e there is no “may/may not,” there is only “can/cannot.” They did that to make this edition less ambiguous than the last 4&1/2 editions. (And “die” is singular, “dice” is plural.) I mention this stuff because even poorly conceived homebrews get better receptions from people when they are well written.
In addition, this subclass’s features are not what I would personally consider ”well conceived.“ Absolute chaos sounds like a fun idea until you actually try it in game. At which point one of three things will happen:
Everyone is still under the age of 15 and everyone thinks it’s hilarious... for a few sessions and then the campaign fizzles out.
The player realizes how much it sucks to not be able to ever use their character’s features to reliably help the Party. And asks to switch characters.
It turns out to be super funny for that one person and everyone else at the table (especially the DM) hates your character. I had a buddy in high school who only ever played a Kender Wild Mage because he thought it was hilarious. Every DM I knew eventually banned Kender and Wild Magic outright because of that one player. That’s why Wild Magic in 5e is not really all that Wild compared to what it was back in 2e. Most DM’s have to invest more time and effort than they actually can afford to stay on top of the second job that is DMing. That’s why we generally dislike #randomforthesakeofbeingrandom characters, because they take all of the work we put into the campaign and basically crap all over it. It makes us feel very unappreciated, and often a little insulted.
Perhaps keep the feel of your subclass, but dialnback on the random to something that is a more manageable level of random. I mean, you have one feature that can either damage a creature, raise its AC, or a number of other things, but you don’t know what results your gonna get until after you choose the creature. Maybe switch the order of operations and the feeling of chaos is still there, but the feature would be more manageable.
I made a bard subclass and would like to hear your opinions and how I could improve it :)
here is the link:
https://www.dndbeyond.com/homebrew/creations/view?entityTypeId=789467139&id=745132
Any feedback would be appreciated :)
Thanks!
(if you can't click the link copy and paste it into a new tab)
Well, your language needs cleaning up something fierce. For example, a PC can only use a bonus action on their own turn, so specifying “on your turn” is redundant and redundancies like that can make things extra wordy and confusing. Don’t get me wrong, I love words. I have been called “verbose” several times in my life. However, there is a difference between using additional words that actually add to the meaning or flow of something, and just adding extra words. Also, “may” means “are allowed to,” “can” means “are capable of.” In 5e there is no “may/may not,” there is only “can/cannot.” They did that to make this edition less ambiguous than the last 4&1/2 editions. (And “die” is singular, “dice” is plural.) I mention this stuff because even poorly conceived homebrews get better receptions from people when they are well written.
In addition, this subclass’s features are not what I would personally consider ”well conceived.“ Absolute chaos sounds like a fun idea until you actually try it in game. At which point one of three things will happen:
Perhaps keep the feel of your subclass, but dialnback on the random to something that is a more manageable level of random. I mean, you have one feature that can either damage a creature, raise its AC, or a number of other things, but you don’t know what results your gonna get until after you choose the creature. Maybe switch the order of operations and the feeling of chaos is still there, but the feature would be more manageable.
I hope this feedback is helpful.
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Thanks for the feedback! I'm still very new to making homebrew so this is much appreciated.
I'll try my best to take this advice going forward.
thank you!