Looking at a map of a camp from a pre-written adventure.
DM: You are in A3 right now, and you've already been to A4, where do you want to go from here. Player1: If we go to A1, we can pick up some steak sauce. Player2: But we don't have any steaks. Player1: Oh, there are plenty of stakes, but they are holding up the tents.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Monk, shortly after being showered in a torrent of acid which dissolved the ships captain, having punched a balloon full of buoyant gas with an acid-punch attack on the direction of the Cleric, who has a book about airships:
"When the book says "Catastrophic Chain Reaction", you tell me. You don't tell me to "hit it with acid" without telling me the second part about the "Catastrophic Chain Reaction". Are we clear?"
DM: In order to climb this, you need to succeed at an acrobatics check. Player: I'm great with acrobatics checks. [Nat 1] DM: You fall flat on your face and take (1d4) damage. Player: I try again. [Nat 1] DM: You fall flat on your face and take another (1d4) damage. Player: I am trying again, but, I swear to god, if I get another nat 1... [Nat 1] DM: Take another (1d4) damage.
a few minutes later...
Player: Ok, I'm going to try to climb it again. [Nat 1]
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Context: group of goblins has questioned our presence
me, a plague doctor “Well, well, well. It’s Timmy! Remember your last dentist’s appointment, Timmy?” Timmy the goblin “uh… no.”
Me: “Well then, this will be one to never forget!” (I proceed to knock out his teeth with one strike of my quarterstaff.)
Timmy then proceeds to go schedule an appointment with an orthodontist, to possibly get dentures. Timmy’s friends then rush at the party. Combat is as normal, no cool one liners or anything. Then my turn hits. (rolled a 3 on initiative) There are two goblins left in the room, but only one is within reach.
“Golf it is, then!” I say. The goblins, confused, stare at me. I proceed to nail the goblin nearest to me with a nat 20 with my quarterstaff. Goblin goes flying, and hits the other goblin, sending them both flying. “Well,” I the rest of the party. “Anyone want a cup of tea?”
This was in a modern game, set in the equivalent of New York City. My character, teiflng sorcerer/druid, accidentally broke an ancient magic seal that had imprisoned a grown of vampires. The story then became “not vampire trying to appear as a vampire while introducing ancient vampires to modern society” which led to things like:
Vampire 1: What’s the rarest thing on your menu?
McDonald's Employee: Well, no one ever orders the apple slices, so …
And then later, trying to explain money and credit cards:
Vampire 2: So, let me get this straight, there’s imaginary money, but you can talk to people, who will turn the imaginary money into real money?
My Character: No, its more like there’s digital imaginary money and physical imaginary money, and you talk to the people to turn the digital imaginary money into real imaginary money.
Vampire 2: WHAT?!?!?!
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
Player: "Shall we go to the glistening castle?"
DM:" Please stop saying glistening"
Player: "Shall we go to the moist castle?"
"Congratulations, you guilt-tripped the god to death."
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
“You are zapped by lightning, die, and then do a backflip”
Hi, I’m DrakenBrine, here’s my Sig and characters
I am The Grand Envisioner!
"...I cast the wizard spell of '***k this, I'm going back to bed!'". *dimension doors away*
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
"f>ck off im not letting you cannabalize the local children"
“What if I peeled his face off and wore it as a mask?” -Basil, a high tabaxi rogue
I have stolen your shredded cheese.
AgateElk8337’s Doppelgänger
*party is talking to old man about dragons*
Druid: Do you have Canary friends?
Hi, I’m DrakenBrine, here’s my Sig and characters
I am The Grand Envisioner!
Player: "Cheese from animals that talk? That's where I draw the line"
“I throw a dagger at him and hide in a bush *rolls* A NAT 20? HOW! IM BURNT TO A DAMN CRISP!”
”adrenaline”
I have stolen your shredded cheese.
AgateElk8337’s Doppelgänger
"You know, I accidentally killed you that time, but the more I think about it, the more I think that maybe it wasn't an accident!"
Former Spider Queen of the Spider Guild, and friendly neighborhood scheming creature.
"Made by spiders, for spiders, of spiders."
My pronouns are she/her.
Web Weaver of Everlasting Narrative! (title bestowed by Drummer)
Looking at a map of a camp from a pre-written adventure.
DM: You are in A3 right now, and you've already been to A4, where do you want to go from here.
Player1: If we go to A1, we can pick up some steak sauce.
Player2: But we don't have any steaks.
Player1: Oh, there are plenty of stakes, but they are holding up the tents.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
"He got eaten by a beaver? Dam!"
-Bink the barbarian to a sobbing orphan
No news is good news…
I'll lay a white rose on the cold earth, knowing it that it has not claimed your soul.
Not a quote, but once the bard rolled a nat 1 on performance and I, a rogue, rolled a nat 20
I have stolen your shredded cheese.
AgateElk8337’s Doppelgänger
"I tame the Bulette using the 50 dead children that I have in my bag of holding"
"Luna has the most charisma there forth, she is the rizzlord" - My DM
Any pronouns
I like murder drones :3 (Like, a lot)
I think my dice is planning to kill me"When you roll Intimidation for a squrrel check."
No Context :D
Monk, shortly after being showered in a torrent of acid which dissolved the ships captain, having punched a balloon full of buoyant gas with an acid-punch attack on the direction of the Cleric, who has a book about airships:
"When the book says "Catastrophic Chain Reaction", you tell me. You don't tell me to "hit it with acid" without telling me the second part about the "Catastrophic Chain Reaction". Are we clear?"
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
DM: In order to climb this, you need to succeed at an acrobatics check.
Player: I'm great with acrobatics checks.
[Nat 1]
DM: You fall flat on your face and take (1d4) damage.
Player: I try again.
[Nat 1]
DM: You fall flat on your face and take another (1d4) damage.
Player: I am trying again, but, I swear to god, if I get another nat 1...
[Nat 1]
DM: Take another (1d4) damage.
a few minutes later...
Player: Ok, I'm going to try to climb it again.
[Nat 1]
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Context: group of goblins has questioned our presence
me, a plague doctor “Well, well, well. It’s Timmy! Remember your last dentist’s appointment, Timmy?”
Timmy the goblin “uh… no.”
Me: “Well then, this will be one to never forget!” (I proceed to knock out his teeth with one strike of my quarterstaff.)
Timmy then proceeds to go schedule an appointment with an orthodontist, to possibly get dentures.
Timmy’s friends then rush at the party. Combat is as normal, no cool one liners or anything. Then my turn hits. (rolled a 3 on initiative) There are two goblins left in the room, but only one is within reach.
“Golf it is, then!” I say. The goblins, confused, stare at me. I proceed to nail the goblin nearest to me with a nat 20 with my quarterstaff. Goblin goes flying, and hits the other goblin, sending them both flying. “Well,” I the rest of the party. “Anyone want a cup of tea?”
This was in a modern game, set in the equivalent of New York City. My character, teiflng sorcerer/druid, accidentally broke an ancient magic seal that had imprisoned a grown of vampires. The story then became “not vampire trying to appear as a vampire while introducing ancient vampires to modern society” which led to things like:
Vampire 1: What’s the rarest thing on your menu?
McDonald's Employee: Well, no one ever orders the apple slices, so …
And then later, trying to explain money and credit cards:
Vampire 2: So, let me get this straight, there’s imaginary money, but you can talk to people, who will turn the imaginary money into real money?
My Character: No, its more like there’s digital imaginary money and physical imaginary money, and you talk to the people to turn the digital imaginary money into real imaginary money.
Vampire 2: WHAT?!?!?!