Player 2: "They're kidnapping and murdering people! What's there to talk about?"
Player 1: "I think we should get their side of the story."
Player 3: "That's what you always say! You even wanted to talk to the mural in that puzzle... trap... thing!"
Player 1: "We won't know until we try."
Player 4: "Tell you what. We'll kill them, and if that doesn't work, we'll talk to them."
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"You bring the cup up to your lips. The cup is an azure blue color and made of delicate china. This china was only available for purchase for a short while, when a salesman from another continent arrived before mysteriously dissapearing. The steam from the warm tea curls up into the air, reaching for the sky but blocked by the celing, which contains a large round circle divided into sections, each with the symbol of a school of magic carved into them. In the center of the circle, is Corellon. Corellon's portrait has sharp elven ears and long golden hair. Jade is infused into the celing where Corellon's markings are. The tea smells faintly of mangos, a rare delicacy in this part of the world. They must have had it shipped or teleported for this very purpose. You take a sip, the warm liquid races down your throat, filling your insides up with warmth. The heat starts at your toes and slowly spreads upward."
"You bring the cup up to your lips. The cup is an azure blue color and made of delicate china. This china was only available for purchase for a short while, when a salesman from another continent arrived before mysteriously dissapearing. The steam from the warm tea curls up into the air, reaching for the sky but blocked by the celing, which contains a large round circle divided into sections, each with the symbol of a school of magic carved into them. In the center of the circle, is Corellon. Corellon's portrait has sharp elven ears and long golden hair. Jade is infused into the celing where Corellon's markings are. The tea smells faintly of mangos, a rare delicacy in this part of the world. They must have had it shipped or teleported for this very purpose. You take a sip, the warm liquid races down your throat, filling your insides up with warmth. The heat starts at your toes and slowly spreads upward."
-My DM after complaints about not enough detail
I found this very funny.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
DM: "You're in an empty room with a wall going down one side with a door, a wall on the opposite side with a door... Wait. Why am I describing this? You know what a room is. It's rectangular, four walls. There's a door on each wall. What do?"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
"You bring the cup up to your lips. The cup is an azure blue color and made of delicate china. This china was only available for purchase for a short while, when a salesman from another continent arrived before mysteriously dissapearing. The steam from the warm tea curls up into the air, reaching for the sky but blocked by the celing, which contains a large round circle divided into sections, each with the symbol of a school of magic carved into them. In the center of the circle, is Corellon. Corellon's portrait has sharp elven ears and long golden hair. Jade is infused into the celing where Corellon's markings are. The tea smells faintly of mangos, a rare delicacy in this part of the world. They must have had it shipped or teleported for this very purpose. You take a sip, the warm liquid races down your throat, filling your insides up with warmth. The heat starts at your toes and slowly spreads upward."
Me (wizard) and the Sorcerer were shopping for some magic stuff at a Drow's place.
Drow: I can offer you this spellscroll for 5 sovereigns
I obviously assumed this was either a scam or the deal of a lifetime. A spellscroll for 5 gold? c'mon. So I grab the scroll, excited as hell, and read it.
DM: It's Fog Cloud.
The entire party broke into laughter while I gave a very unamused look.
DM referring to the less-than-ideal remaining HP in a character: "You're not not in trouble." Player 3: "Guys! I'm not not in trouble! Oh! My organs!"
EDIT: From a different stream:
DM describes what the player discovers Player repeats it to other players verbatim. DM describes more. Player repeats. DM says something random. Player:... DM: "I just wanted to see if you'd say it."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
5 PCs and an old, decrepit NPC are falling down a pit trap that they know is deep but is likely not bottomless. The Warlock has been giving the Rogue a hard time all through the entire adventure, including but not limited to covering the Rogue in spiders.
Rogue: "I can cast Feather Fall." Bard and Druid: "Do it!" Rogue: "I can cast it on up to 5 people." Warlock: "I always liked you, [Rogue]!" Rogue: "I'm going to cast it on everyone but [Warlock]." Warlock: "Noooo!" Paladin (of uncertain alignment doing terrible on atoning for some unknown sin): "Wait. Don't we think [NPC] has had a full life?" NPC (DM): "I don't!" Paladin: "Quiet you!" Warlock: "I'll be your best friend!" Rogue: "... Fine, but you owe me." Warlock: "Yes!" Rogue: "Sorry, [NPC]." NPC: "What?!"
How the NPC managed to survive with her knees up past her shoulders looking all accordionated is best not questioned. She is from a city of the dead. That might have something to do with it.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
5 PCs and an old, decrepit NPC are falling down a pit trap that they know is deep but is likely not bottomless. The Warlock has been giving the Rogue a hard time all through the entire adventure, including but not limited to covering the Rogue in spiders.
Rogue: "I can cast Feather Fall." Bard and Druid: "Do it!" Rogue: "I can cast it on up to 5 people." Warlock: "I always liked you, [Rogue]!" Rogue: "I'm going to cast it on everyone but [Warlock]." Warlock: "Noooo!" Paladin (of uncertain alignment doing terrible on atoning for some unknown sin): "Wait. Don't we think [NPC] has had a full life?" NPC (DM): "I don't!" Paladin: "Quiet you!" Warlock: "I'll be your best friend!" Rogue: "... Fine, but you owe me." Warlock: "Yes!" Rogue: "Sorry, [NPC]." NPC: "What?!"
How the NPC managed to survive with her knees up past her shoulders looking all accordionated is best not questioned. She is from a city of the dead. That might have something to do with it.
I think "Cthulhu-dad" would have stepped in to save Prudence, but that's just my opinion. Of course, who knows what he would have done to Corazon in retaliation for making him step in.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
"CURSES!! That's what we should have used! CURSES!!"
Party is sneaking through a dusty old crypt with dozens of undead around, Necropolitans, Skeletons, Zombies, Ghosts etc. They have covered themselves with ratty shrouds and lots of bone dust. They roll stealth - Our Druid rolls high, Paladin - Nat 20, fully armored but silent as a mouse. Our Ranger, however, rolls a 1.
She sneezes.
A withered old Necropolitan lurching by turns to her and says in a dry raspy voice 'Bless you" Then he pauses "Wait a minute! IMPOSTORS!!" And the chase is on.
Player 1: "Maybe we should talk to them."
Player 2: "They're kidnapping and murdering people! What's there to talk about?"
Player 1: "I think we should get their side of the story."
Player 3: "That's what you always say! You even wanted to talk to the mural in that puzzle... trap... thing!"
Player 1: "We won't know until we try."
Player 4: "Tell you what. We'll kill them, and if that doesn't work, we'll talk to them."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Bandit: "Your money or your life!"
Tortle Barbarian: "Are you a religious man?"
Bandit: "Wh... no! Just give us your money!"
Tortle Barbarian: "Because you seem real eager to take a one-way trip to meet your God... AND I'M THE ONE WHO'S GONNA PUNCH YOUR TICKET!"
*Stands up, revealing 6 foot tall snapping turtle carrying a giant axe"
Bandit: *pees self. Runs*
Tortle Barbarian: "And get a real job!"
Watch Crits for Breakfast, an adults-only RP-Heavy Roll20 Livestream at twitch.tv/afterdisbooty
And now you too can play with the amazing art and assets we use in Roll20 for our campaign at Hazel's Emporium
"You bring the cup up to your lips. The cup is an azure blue color and made of delicate china. This china was only available for purchase for a short while, when a salesman from another continent arrived before mysteriously dissapearing. The steam from the warm tea curls up into the air, reaching for the sky but blocked by the celing, which contains a large round circle divided into sections, each with the symbol of a school of magic carved into them. In the center of the circle, is Corellon. Corellon's portrait has sharp elven ears and long golden hair. Jade is infused into the celing where Corellon's markings are. The tea smells faintly of mangos, a rare delicacy in this part of the world. They must have had it shipped or teleported for this very purpose. You take a sip, the warm liquid races down your throat, filling your insides up with warmth. The heat starts at your toes and slowly spreads upward."
-My DM after complaints about not enough detail
"I will remove your eyebrow whilst you sleep for it is the will of the Giant Flying Sky Otter."
I found this very funny.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
I'm reminded of a stream I saw:
DM: "You're in an empty room with a wall going down one side with a door, a wall on the opposite side with a door... Wait. Why am I describing this? You know what a room is. It's rectangular, four walls. There's a door on each wall. What do?"
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
And very effective!
I now wish to brew a cup of tea.
Me (wizard) and the Sorcerer were shopping for some magic stuff at a Drow's place.
Drow: I can offer you this spellscroll for 5 sovereigns
I obviously assumed this was either a scam or the deal of a lifetime. A spellscroll for 5 gold? c'mon. So I grab the scroll, excited as hell, and read it.
DM: It's Fog Cloud.
The entire party broke into laughter while I gave a very unamused look.
After a fight with 3 harpies, the drow DMPC Jezzara was pretends to be more hurt than she actually is
Hogar: you okay?
Jezzara: my leg hurts
*players rolled for medicine only Hogar rolls low*
Themenor: shes fine she not going to die.
Jezzara: can one of you big strong men carry me~?
Themenor: YOU JUST HAVE A STOMACH WOUND!!
Hogar: I will.
*hogar picks up Jezzara*
Jezzara: My hero~
Hogar's player:... what have I done?
"Is there anything else you want to do?"
"Other than pat the tanks on the thigh? Nope"
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
From a stream:
DM referring to the less-than-ideal remaining HP in a character: "You're not not in trouble."
Player 3: "Guys! I'm not not in trouble! Oh! My organs!"
EDIT: From a different stream:
DM describes what the player discovers
Player repeats it to other players verbatim.
DM describes more.
Player repeats.
DM says something random.
Player:...
DM: "I just wanted to see if you'd say it."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
DM: as you begin to dig deeper into the loose soil, you start to find... teeth scattered about the area.
(player) Magpie Arakocra: Oh! oh! what kind of teeth do i find?
DM, taken aback: r...roll for it i guess?"
Player: seven!
DM: they all look like human teeth.
Player: bah! a disappointment. I add them to my bag anyway.
He later smacked a mouse to death when it startled him. He added its bones to the bag as well.
Sounds like something the necromancer in my BG:DiA campaign would do.
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
town guard: move on, thare may be a forest fire, and we are worryed
me : (regretting using alchemist fire in forest on demon) oh no that's horrible
druid: (glaring) yes horrible, some people!
From a stream:
5 PCs and an old, decrepit NPC are falling down a pit trap that they know is deep but is likely not bottomless. The Warlock has been giving the Rogue a hard time all through the entire adventure, including but not limited to covering the Rogue in spiders.
Rogue: "I can cast Feather Fall."
Bard and Druid: "Do it!"
Rogue: "I can cast it on up to 5 people."
Warlock: "I always liked you, [Rogue]!"
Rogue: "I'm going to cast it on everyone but [Warlock]."
Warlock: "Noooo!"
Paladin (of uncertain alignment doing terrible on atoning for some unknown sin): "Wait. Don't we think [NPC] has had a full life?"
NPC (DM): "I don't!"
Paladin: "Quiet you!"
Warlock: "I'll be your best friend!"
Rogue: "... Fine, but you owe me."
Warlock: "Yes!"
Rogue: "Sorry, [NPC]."
NPC: "What?!"
How the NPC managed to survive with her knees up past her shoulders looking all accordionated is best not questioned. She is from a city of the dead. That might have something to do with it.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
“He intimidated he beholder and he got grinded”
I think "Cthulhu-dad" would have stepped in to save Prudence, but that's just my opinion. Of course, who knows what he would have done to Corazon in retaliation for making him step in.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
"CURSES!! That's what we should have used! CURSES!!"
Party is sneaking through a dusty old crypt with dozens of undead around, Necropolitans, Skeletons, Zombies, Ghosts etc. They have covered themselves with ratty shrouds and lots of bone dust. They roll stealth - Our Druid rolls high, Paladin - Nat 20, fully armored but silent as a mouse. Our Ranger, however, rolls a 1.
She sneezes.
A withered old Necropolitan lurching by turns to her and says in a dry raspy voice 'Bless you" Then he pauses "Wait a minute! IMPOSTORS!!" And the chase is on.
After our Bard drew The Idiot from the Deck of Many Things, dropping him to an Intelligence of 3.
A long pause, followed by: "I see no difference"
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Insider"Who needs a soul? I can stunning strike!"
Charity games are fun!
Find me on Twitter: @OboeLauren