Our rogue said once "I will kill you. Get away from my poundcakes."
Our fighter: "I use Disarming Attack. Then I scoop up all the poundcakes and start eating them."
Our rogue: "I level my crossbow at him. Give me back my poundcakes."
A while later...
Our monk: "I was trying to trust fall." (From 50 ft. up. Took 13 force damage from the fall.)
Our fighter (a little while later): "Actually I fly down and try to drop the cake on Meep's head." (Talking about our rogue.)
This all happened in one session.
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I am a Sauce Acolyte, Sauce Knight, Sauce Defender, Sauce Monk, Sauce Brewer, and Sauce Priest of the Supreme Court of Sauce because of my homebrew Rogue subclass, the Hot One, as well as my homebrew spell,Saucy Creation. Oh, I'm also a Sauce Serenader for the College of Sauce.
We shall go to Groovytown, man. My monastery man, also known as The City of Hippies, man
I thought the singular of “hippies” was “hippie”?
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All hail the great and mighty platypus.
Resisting is simply standing in front of the tide and pushing at it. Even if you endure at first, you will eventually break down. Adapting, by contrast, is turning into a fish.
-me
Rangers are not underpowered. They’re just exploration-oriented.
We found a throne room with a mummified corpse wearing crown. Out mission is to retrieve that crown. Cleric had a bright idea to cast speak with the dead on it: Cleric: Hey Corpse: You're all going to die here. Cleric: Yeah, yeah, bad news, pall, you already died here. Tough luck. Corpse: Who are you anyways. Cleric: I'm asking questions here, old man. It's literally written is spell decription. So question one: what happens if we take your crown. Corpse: The wards my wizards bulit would animate the court ant they would tear you apart like the filthy thieves you are. Cleric: Sooo... if we take YOU out of the throne without touching the crown? I've heard mummies are selling hot in Morgrave. Corpse: Basically the same thing. Cleric: OK. What if we take the throne with you and the crown? Corpse: You mother****er....
That post could use some question marks.
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All hail the great and mighty platypus.
Resisting is simply standing in front of the tide and pushing at it. Even if you endure at first, you will eventually break down. Adapting, by contrast, is turning into a fish.
-me
Rangers are not underpowered. They’re just exploration-oriented.
This is more of a song than a quote, but I guess the extra chattering counts. I was the DM btw.
Ranger: So, here we are. Krukol's cave. (Krukol is the name of the main bad guy btw.)
Paladin: In the name of the lord, what in the Nine Hells is that?! *Points to a floating humanlike figure*
Fighter: Looks like Krukol to me.
Krukol: Welcome, adventurers! Prepare to die! *Starts coughing*
Artificer (from Tasha's Cauldron of Anything): Why is some music coming out of his mouth?
Krukol: Starts singing. (Seriously.) "I want, to, incinerate, obilerate, and pulverise you, making sure you cannot live againnnnnnn, I wanna bash you, and mash you, and hammer, smash, and trash you, I want to destroy and crush you into dust, I want to destroy and crush you into freakin', freakin', dust, I want to destroy and crush you into dust, DUSTTTTTTTTTT!"
Warlock: *Notices big energy ball above Krukol's head during the song*
Krukol: *Throws energy ball at DUSTTTTTTTTTT part at players and does 2d10 damage*
We found a throne room with a mummified corpse wearing crown. Out mission is to retrieve that crown. Cleric had a bright idea to cast speak with the dead on it: Cleric: Hey Corpse: You're all going to die here. Cleric: Yeah, yeah, bad news, pall, you already died here. Tough luck. Corpse: Who are you anyways. Cleric: I'm asking questions here, old man. It's literally written is spell decription. So question one: what happens if we take your crown. Corpse: The wards my wizards bulit would animate the court ant they would tear you apart like the filthy thieves you are. Cleric: Sooo... if we take YOU out of the throne without touching the crown? I've heard mummies are selling hot in Morgrave. Corpse: Basically the same thing. Cleric: OK. What if we take the throne with you and the crown? Corpse: You mother****er....
This feels like something my players would try to do.
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I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it. Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks. MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
"That's a terrible idea. You should definitely do that!"
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=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
Storm Sorcerer: Okay, can I try to pick up the baby tiefling that's getting murdered by an angry mob? DM: Sure, roll Investigation to figure out where she is, because [Druid] cast fog cloud. Storm Sorcerer: That's 17. DM: Okay, you grab her hand, and she starts struggling against your grip. You said you wanted to pick her up? Roll strength. Storm Sorcerer: Ugh, strength. Druid: Stop complaining, you have the highest strength in the group. Storm Sorcerer: Yeah, which is ten. Okay, I rolled a 13. DM: Okay, you manage to pick her up. Storm Sorcerer: Do I remember how to get out of the fog cloud? DM: Well... you remember there's a building right next to you. Storm Sorcerer (visibly excited): How tall is it? DM: ...Ten feet. Storm Sorcerer: Yes, yes, yes! I finally get to do it! DM: Alright, roll acrobatics. Sorcerer: That's... a three. DM (chuckles): So, how much fall damage do you think it will take to kill a child?
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All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
Storm Sorcerer: Okay, can I try to pick up the baby tiefling that's getting murdered by an angry mob? DM: Sure, roll Investigation to figure out where she is, because [Druid] cast fog cloud. Storm Sorcerer: That's 17. DM: Okay, you grab her hand, and she starts struggling against your grip. You said you wanted to pick her up? Roll strength. Storm Sorcerer: Ugh, strength. Druid: Stop complaining, you have the highest strength in the group. Storm Sorcerer: Yeah, which is ten. Okay, I rolled a 13. DM: Okay, you manage to pick her up. Storm Sorcerer: Do I remember how to get out of the fog cloud? DM: Well... you remember there's a building right next to you. Storm Sorcerer (visibly excited): How tall is it? DM: ...Ten feet. Storm Sorcerer: Yes, yes, yes! I finally get to do it! DM: Alright, roll acrobatics. Sorcerer: That's... a three. DM (chuckles): So, how much fall damage do you think it will take to kill a child?
Who's the DM in that campaign? The amount of prejudice against tieflings suggests a world nearly destroyed by demons, which caused the gods to sacrifice themselves sealing a portal to the Abyss.
Storm Sorcerer: Okay, can I try to pick up the baby tiefling that's getting murdered by an angry mob? DM: Sure, roll Investigation to figure out where she is, because [Druid] cast fog cloud. Storm Sorcerer: That's 17. DM: Okay, you grab her hand, and she starts struggling against your grip. You said you wanted to pick her up? Roll strength. Storm Sorcerer: Ugh, strength. Druid: Stop complaining, you have the highest strength in the group. Storm Sorcerer: Yeah, which is ten. Okay, I rolled a 13. DM: Okay, you manage to pick her up. Storm Sorcerer: Do I remember how to get out of the fog cloud? DM: Well... you remember there's a building right next to you. Storm Sorcerer (visibly excited): How tall is it? DM: ...Ten feet. Storm Sorcerer: Yes, yes, yes! I finally get to do it! DM: Alright, roll acrobatics. Sorcerer: That's... a three. DM (chuckles): So, how much fall damage do you think it will take to kill a child?
Who's the DM in that campaign? The amount of prejudice against tieflings suggests a world nearly destroyed by demons, which caused the gods to sacrifice themselves sealing a portal to the Abyss.
Yep, I'm the DM.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
This one is from five or six sessions ago, but I forgot to post it.
DM: You feel a quaking in the ground coming from under [Druid]. Rogue: Can I try to hide in a tree and then jump off and sneak attack? DM: Sure, roll acrobatics. Rogue: That's an 18, do I manage to flip off the tree? Everyone else: *dies of laughter*
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Homebrew (Mostly Outdated):Magic Items,Monsters,Spells,Subclasses ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
Two Fighters are negotiating terms with the city guards...
Fighter1: "You either give us the High King's vorpal sword, or we kill 14 thousand people and a donkey." DM/Guard: "Wait- why a donkey?" Fighter2: "See! Told ya they wouldn't care about the 14 thousand people!"
A bratty noble makes fun of my Warlock's new glasses...
Noble: You look soooo much better with your glasses off! Warlock: Yes well, you look better with my glasses off too.
A Bard tries to outwit a good aligned Mindflayer...
Bard: "Alright, if you give me a question I can't answer, I'll give you 1 gold. If I do the same to you, you give me 1 gold." MF: "Deal." Bard: "Alright you first." (MF gives a question) (Bard gives 1 gold) MF: "Your turn." Bard: "What is the animal that has 4 legs, and when he crosses a street he only has 2 legs, and when he goes back, he has 5 legs?" (MF takes a while to think and ends up giving Bard 1gold) MF: "Well, what animal is it, Mister Shaxxpiir?" (Bard sighs and gives MF 1 gold)
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The Tavern Mother (Trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds!)
I am the God-Queen of Trickery, Cunning, Lies, and Gaslighting- but you already knew that... "Moon's Haunted." *Cocks shotgun with malicious intent* "Eliksni must rise...yes?" _________ When it comes to pronouns I preferVariks-Senpai(But I'm a dude. Pronouns are weird.)
Two Fighters are negotiating terms with the city guards...
Fighter1: "You either give us the High King's vorpal sword, or we kill 14 thousand people and a donkey." DM/Guard: "Wait- why a donkey?" Fighter2: "See! Told ya they wouldn't care about the 14 thousand people!"
A bratty noble makes fun of my Warlock's new glasses...
Noble: You look soooo much better with your glasses off! Warlock: Yes well, you look better with my glasses off too.
A Bard tries to outwit a good aligned Mindflayer...
Bard: "Alright, if you give me a question I can't answer, I'll give you 1 gold. If I do the same to you, you give me 1 gold." MF: "Deal." Bard: "Alright you first." (MF gives a question) (Bard gives 1 gold) MF: "Your turn." Bard: "What is the animal that has 4 legs, and when he crosses a street he only has 2 legs, and when he goes back, he has 5 legs?" (MF takes a while to think and ends up giving Bard 1gold) MF: "Well, what animal is it, Mister Shaxxpiir?" (Bard sighs and gives MF 1 gold)
Two Fighters are negotiating terms with the city guards...
Fighter1: "You either give us the High King's vorpal sword, or we kill 14 thousand people and a donkey." DM/Guard: "Wait- why a donkey?" Fighter2: "See! Told ya they wouldn't care about the 14 thousand people!"
A bratty noble makes fun of my Warlock's new glasses...
Noble: You look soooo much better with your glasses off! Warlock: Yes well, you look better with my glasses off too.
A Bard tries to outwit a good aligned Mindflayer...
Bard: "Alright, if you give me a question I can't answer, I'll give you 1 gold. If I do the same to you, you give me 1 gold." MF: "Deal." Bard: "Alright you first." (MF gives a question) (Bard gives 1 gold) MF: "Your turn." Bard: "What is the animal that has 4 legs, and when he crosses a street he only has 2 legs, and when he goes back, he has 5 legs?" (MF takes a while to think and ends up giving Bard 1gold) MF: "Well, what animal is it, Mister Shaxxpiir?" (Bard sighs and gives MF 1 gold)
Shaxxpiir?
the legend of shaxxpiir continues
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— δ cyno • he/him • number one paladin fanδ — making a smoothie for meta ——————| EXTENDED SIG |—————— Φ • redpelt’s biggest fan :) DM, minmaxer, microbiology student, and lover of anything colored red • Φ
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
Two Fighters are negotiating terms with the city guards...
Fighter1: "You either give us the High King's vorpal sword, or we kill 14 thousand people and a donkey." DM/Guard: "Wait- why a donkey?" Fighter2: "See! Told ya they wouldn't care about the 14 thousand people!"
A bratty noble makes fun of my Warlock's new glasses...
Noble: You look soooo much better with your glasses off! Warlock: Yes well, you look better with my glasses off too.
A Bard tries to outwit a good aligned Mindflayer...
Bard: "Alright, if you give me a question I can't answer, I'll give you 1 gold. If I do the same to you, you give me 1 gold." MF: "Deal." Bard: "Alright you first." (MF gives a question) (Bard gives 1 gold) MF: "Your turn." Bard: "What is the animal that has 4 legs, and when he crosses a street he only has 2 legs, and when he goes back, he has 5 legs?" (MF takes a while to think and ends up giving Bard 1gold) MF: "Well, what animal is it, Mister Shaxxpiir?" (Bard sighs and gives MF 1 gold)
That’s a Destiny reference isn’t it?
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Mystic v3 should be official, nuff said.
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Our rogue said once "I will kill you. Get away from my poundcakes."
Our fighter: "I use Disarming Attack. Then I scoop up all the poundcakes and start eating them."
Our rogue: "I level my crossbow at him. Give me back my poundcakes."
A while later...
Our monk: "I was trying to trust fall." (From 50 ft. up. Took 13 force damage from the fall.)
Our fighter (a little while later): "Actually I fly down and try to drop the cake on Meep's head." (Talking about our rogue.)
This all happened in one session.
I am a Sauce Acolyte, Sauce Knight, Sauce Defender, Sauce Monk, Sauce Brewer, and Sauce Priest of the Supreme Court of Sauce because of my homebrew Rogue subclass, the Hot One, as well as my homebrew spell, Saucy Creation. Oh, I'm also a Sauce Serenader for the College of Sauce.
Join the Supreme Court of Sauce!
Also, the What Cult!
I'm What Founder?
"Korvik starts screaming, making turkey noises"
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
I thought the singular of “hippies” was “hippie”?
All hail the great and mighty platypus.
Resisting is simply standing in front of the tide and pushing at it. Even if you endure at first, you will eventually break down. Adapting, by contrast, is turning into a fish.
-me
Rangers are not underpowered. They’re just exploration-oriented.
My homebrew setting: https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/d-d-beyond-general/story-lore/94809-wakai-a-setting-inspired-by-japanese-folklore-and
This account is kinda old and I haven’t used it in a while
That post could use some question marks.
All hail the great and mighty platypus.
Resisting is simply standing in front of the tide and pushing at it. Even if you endure at first, you will eventually break down. Adapting, by contrast, is turning into a fish.
-me
Rangers are not underpowered. They’re just exploration-oriented.
My homebrew setting: https://www.dndbeyond.com/forums/d-d-beyond-general/story-lore/94809-wakai-a-setting-inspired-by-japanese-folklore-and
This account is kinda old and I haven’t used it in a while
From one of my brothers campaign:
Psionic Monster (after witnessing two PCs intentionally jump off a cliff to their deaths): They're Idiots, aren't they?
Player: Yes. Yes they are.
When the villain channels his inner bard.
Sometimes a villain monologue needs to be set to music.
This feels like something my players would try to do.
I am part of the Cult of Grammar. Respect us. Or we will find the slightest mistake in your grammar, and never let you forget it.
Clones would have saved Star Wars, and Kylo Ren sucks.
MAKE THE EMPIRE GREAT AGAIN!!! I am a stormtrooper, and the Skywalker family is made of nothing but idiots who are insane. Cough Anakin and Luke Skywalker Cough
Don't even TRY to argue with me about Star Wars.
"That's a terrible idea. You should definitely do that!"
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
From my most recent session.
Storm Sorcerer: Okay, can I try to pick up the baby tiefling that's getting murdered by an angry mob?
DM: Sure, roll Investigation to figure out where she is, because [Druid] cast fog cloud.
Storm Sorcerer: That's 17.
DM: Okay, you grab her hand, and she starts struggling against your grip. You said you wanted to pick her up? Roll strength.
Storm Sorcerer: Ugh, strength.
Druid: Stop complaining, you have the highest strength in the group.
Storm Sorcerer: Yeah, which is ten. Okay, I rolled a 13.
DM: Okay, you manage to pick her up.
Storm Sorcerer: Do I remember how to get out of the fog cloud?
DM: Well... you remember there's a building right next to you.
Storm Sorcerer (visibly excited): How tall is it?
DM: ...Ten feet.
Storm Sorcerer: Yes, yes, yes! I finally get to do it!
DM: Alright, roll acrobatics.
Sorcerer: That's... a three.
DM (chuckles): So, how much fall damage do you think it will take to kill a child?
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
Who's the DM in that campaign? The amount of prejudice against tieflings suggests a world nearly destroyed by demons, which caused the gods to sacrifice themselves sealing a portal to the Abyss.
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
Yep, I'm the DM.
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
This one is from five or six sessions ago, but I forgot to post it.
DM: You feel a quaking in the ground coming from under [Druid].
Rogue: Can I try to hide in a tree and then jump off and sneak attack?
DM: Sure, roll acrobatics.
Rogue: That's an 18, do I manage to flip off the tree?
Everyone else: *dies of laughter*
All stars fade. Some stars forever fall.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Homebrew (Mostly Outdated): Magic Items, Monsters, Spells, Subclasses
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
If there was no light, people wouldn't fear the dark.
Two Fighters are negotiating terms with the city guards...
Fighter1: "You either give us the High King's vorpal sword, or we kill 14 thousand people and a donkey."
DM/Guard: "Wait- why a donkey?"
Fighter2: "See! Told ya they wouldn't care about the 14 thousand people!"
A bratty noble makes fun of my Warlock's new glasses...
Noble: You look soooo much better with your glasses off!
Warlock: Yes well, you look better with my glasses off too.
A Bard tries to outwit a good aligned Mindflayer...
Bard: "Alright, if you give me a question I can't answer, I'll give you 1 gold. If I do the same to you, you give me 1 gold."
MF: "Deal."
Bard: "Alright you first."
(MF gives a question)
(Bard gives 1 gold)
MF: "Your turn."
Bard: "What is the animal that has 4 legs, and when he crosses a street he only has 2 legs, and when he goes back, he has 5 legs?"
(MF takes a while to think and ends up giving Bard 1gold)
MF: "Well, what animal is it, Mister Shaxxpiir?"
(Bard sighs and gives MF 1 gold)
The Tavern Mother (Trust me, it's not as weird as it sounds!)
I am the God-Queen of Trickery, Cunning, Lies, and Gaslighting- but you already knew that...
"Moon's Haunted." *Cocks shotgun with malicious intent*
"Eliksni must rise...yes?"
_________
When it comes to pronouns I prefer Variks-Senpai (But I'm a dude. Pronouns are weird.)
Good-aligned mindflayer huh? That's a hard row to hoe.
Shaxxpiir?
I have a weird sense of humor.
I also make maps.(That's a link)
the legend of shaxxpiir continues
— δ cyno • he/him • number one paladin fan δ —
making a smoothie for meta
——————| EXTENDED SIG |——————
Φ • redpelt’s biggest fan :) DM, minmaxer, microbiology student, and lover of anything colored red • Φ
shaxxpiir said all the world's a stiijhe
Come participate in the Competition of the Finest Brews, Edition XXVIII?
My homebrew stuff:
Spells, Monsters, Magic Items, Feats, Subclasses.
I am an Archfey, but nobody seems to notice.
Extended Signature
We were battling a warrior and a mage:
Me: After that, I punch the warrior with my bonus action.
All: You just knocked him out!
Me: Then I go over and punch the mage.
All: She's knocked out too!
Me: Then what should I punch?
All: You don't need to punch anything!
Me: But action economy!
All: The fight is already over!
Me: Anyway, I punch the web.
DM: Your hand gets stuck.
Pronouns: he/him/his.
My posting scheduled is irregular: sometimes I can post twice a week, sometimes twice a day. I may also respond to quick questions, but ignore harder responses in favor of time.
My location is where my character for my home game is (we're doing the wild beyond the witchlight).
"The Doomvault... Probably full of unicorns and rainbows." -An imaginary quote
That’s a Destiny reference isn’t it?
Mystic v3 should be official, nuff said.