As a player, I had recently begun play with an established group. When I join a new group, I tend to stay quiet, and keep my character in the background, until I get a feel for the dynamics at the table. I watch the other players, and I learn how best to integrate with the existing table culture.
After a few sessions, I reluctantly left that table and wrote a letter to all in the group, stating why. Please understand that I am happy to address these things personally, if I can, but the one person who needed to know this has a hair-trigger temper. He is also 6'3" tall, about 240lbs, and puts on a pretty convincing alpha chimpanzee display when things don't go his way. By that, I mean that he lurches up from the table and starts yelling, then stomps around and throws things, usually his own stuff. He looms over everyone at the table and, red-faced, froths as he hollers about how unfair everything is, and how he should be allowed to do things the way he wants to. His tirades can last up to 20 minutes, and even the most careful play can result in 2 or 3 of these tirades, every session. As long as everything goes this guy's way, he is all smiles.
As a result, this large, hulking man-child rules the table with his rage, and holds no consideration for others at the table. One person at the table is a loyal friend of the other, and is the man's constant apologist. The other players have grown accustomed to this limited and unrewarding game of doing "whatever 'Harvey' wants me to do". Harvey is the current table host, so he holds that over the players as well. I have offered up another table, and the DM and one other player are wanting to relocate, but will go with the majority decision of the table, including Harvey's vote. So far, the vote is split; mostly because the current table is conveniently located for many of them. [Statement redacted, unconfirmed.] As an aside, Harvey is an older player, in his mid-forties.
Anyway, here's a copy of my letter to the group. The names have been changed:
Hey guys,
Twice now I have considered saying this live, in front of the group, but have decided to avoid causing any backlash to spill out over the rest of those at the table.
In short, though I think y'all are good people, and I really like you as DM, Jim, I'm not feeling so good about the fit.
As I have said, more than once now, I really like the role play aspect of the game. The problem is, experience has taught me that, through their relentless erosion of enthusiasm for it, the actions of those at the table who least like to do so ultimately determine the level and extent of role play at a table.
Case in point, since I first joined the table, I have watched the faces of my fellow players. One player in particular actively demonstrates his disinterest in role play, outside those moments when he, the player, is currently engaged in the act personally.
Is that a crime? Of course not, but his clenched jaw and his "hurry up" hand gestures signal to the other players at the table that not only are we not holding his interest, but we are getting in his way. His willingness to ignore what is being said, the way he wedges himself into someone else's moment, seemingly at a whim, regularly breaks the magic that us role players like to immerse ourselves in, once in a while.
Having watched this person interrupt everyone, during one moment or another in role play, including cutting off the DM twice, after his character had requested the information of the DM, I came to realize that Harvey might be completely oblivious to his impact on the RP part of the game, during his interruptions. That could be filed under being blindly inconsiderate, but not intentionally rude.
If, however, Harvey does this calculatingly, in order to force other players to keep it short or give up RP with their character, then a whole other can of worms gets dumped out. To interrupt another's role play is, for all practical purposes, a slap down at that player's moment to enjoy their character, and enjoy themselves. If intentional, it demonstrates a gross disregard for his fellow players' enjoyment in all this. When one's RP is slapped down repeatedly, the clear message to that speaker is "I don't care, get out of my way, my turn!"
Whether he acknowledges it or not, Harvey currently holds dominance over what does and doesn't get play time on his table. I sometimes get the feeling that Harvey thinks of me, Dave, as a usurper to the power he wields over the players of the table, but I freely admit that he does not single me out. He exerts his dominance over everyone.
He interrupts everyone to get past the 'boring' parts, and will wedge his voice in there once more, between the sentences of the previous player's dialogue, to place his character in the limelight. When things stop going his way, he pulls the 'indignant' or the 'outraged' card, and burns up 5-20 minutes of everyone's time, as he clamors for further validation for his [Harvey's] emotional outburst.
In relation to that problem, much of that outrage stems from whatever conclusion Harvey just jumped to, after hearing only part of the story. I'm picking on you now, Harvey, because most teenagers show more maturity than you have so far shown me. I am sorry to break this to you, Harvey, but as a player, you are a tyrant. In addition, I can find no clear cut defining line between you and your character. I'm tired of making decisions for my character based on the question, "Will what I'm about to do anger Harvey, and, at the least, cause us a 10 minute stay of the game, to let Harvey's tirade pass?"
As Harvey is the current table host. I will consider myself ejected, and seek another game elsewhere. If you, Harvey, think you can work with the rest of us a little more, and not crap all over our kind of fun, and still want me around, re-invite me and I'll return. If you just want to invite me so you can vent in my face, I ask that you don't.
For all in this crew, I'd love to play more, and I still offer the table overlooking The Sound. I'll do my best to reach any other table that the group chooses, as well. Please keep in touch.
Thoughts? Input? Alternate ways of dealing with this kind of person?
Honestly, I wouldn't point fingers. It just creates drama. Just let them know that you can't make it any more, and leave. Don't create a dramatic exit. If someone comes to you personally, then you can be honest, but otherwise, just go. I get that the player has upset you and would probably feel the same way in your situation...but creating does nothing positive and could blow up in your face afterward. I mean...sending an angry letter blaming a particular person with anger issues...what could go wrong?
Just inform them you're leaving, and find another table.
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If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
In my case, it's too late for the quiet exit. Two players have since contacted me directly, one of them the DM, and said that they agree with my assessment, and had no idea how to bring the subject up to the table host, Harvey. Admittedly, I have a low tolerance for bullshit, and might have left quietly, except that other players said they appreciated my character's input to the game, and my playing style. Two of these players have never played outside this table, and I thought that they deserved to know that each session does not have to revolve around one, domineering player, and that other table space is available.
In any case, I'm out. As others have said here, on this forum: No game is often better than a bad game. Perhaps I'll find another table.
Regarding angering a boor, who should know better, and can theoretically learn from his mistakes, should he choose to, that part doesn't bother me at all. Walking on eggshells, to keep someone like that calm and contented, forget it.
I think the letter was very well written and from what you've shared, is an extremely generous and diplomatic expression of why you left.
It's bizarre, horrendous behavior for an adult and I think you were right for leaving. Hopefully the others will take some courage from your example and Nope outta there.
With the usual caveat that we’re only seeing one side of this, I think it was the right call to write the letter. Some people don’t realize they’re in a bad situation until it’s pointed out by someone else. Hopefully, it will help the others move on from the toxic player.
It would have been easy to just leave, but nothing would have changed for the others at the table. Not knowing how tight this group (might be), outside the game, I resigned myself to the fact that I might alienate everyone at the table, before writing this letter. Regardless of its impact on my game play, I felt that it needed to be said.
Writing the letter in general could raise problems, but I think that you did a good job of being respectful and polite, and it made sense to explain why you left to the group and what could get you back, though it might not have been great to call people out by name, especially if Harvey is so volatile.
That being said, your letter was very respectful and it might help the other players get out of that gaming situation. Honestly, this is an extremely difficult scenario. The advice we can give you here online is very limited. Not being in the situation, it's hard to give fully accurate feedback on what you should and shouldn't do.
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You spend too much energy on this OP. Just leave the table and tell them it's because of Harvey if they ask. Who has the energy to deal with such a manchild.
I think you've done very well with the situation and I strongly disagree with those who feel you were wrong to directly call someone out. This whole "Teddy Ruxpin" mentality of not directly, by name, confronting someone about their poor behavior encourages them to continue to be asshats and empowers them. Cowering and buckling under to their bullying is bullshit and isn't going to do anything aside from encouraging them to continue.
OOOOh, big, burly bully all aggressive? Get over yourself fat boy, you're a blowhard and I can almost guarantee the first time anyone steps up on HIM, he will find himself lost and confused. Not too many bullies actually stand firm when confronted with an aggression that matches their own. I have zero time or tolerance for people like that and I will call them out in an instant. Maybe my past, where I always stood up against bullies has some bearing on it? I have confronted numerous bullies over the years, using tactics that range from verbal fencing (re-state their childish rant back) to joining them in the indignant rage, moving forward them as they attempt to crowd my space in an effort to intimidate. To answer the inevitable question, YES, I have been punched in the face several times by bullies who felt they were tough guys. I realize though that being punched in the face isn't usually fatal and when returned (I know how to throw one myself) with more force, it's usually one shot each and they back down.
Sorry if that comes off as overly harsh, but I have seen too much strife caused by mindless bullies and my blood pressure rises any time I hear of having to share the planet with these caveman types. Evolve or fade to extinction caveman, your days are done!
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Talk to your Players.Talk to your DM. If more people used this advice, there would be 24.74% fewer threads on Tactics, Rules and DM discussions.
Interesting turn of events. The group convinced Harvey to invite me back; the letter I received from him convinced me to visit this table, one more time. We'll see how it goes.
Interesting turn of events. The group convinced Harvey to invite me back; the letter I received from him convinced me to visit this table, one more time. We'll see how it goes.
IT'S A TRAP!!!! Harvey is just going to taxidermy your ass into a mount on his wall!!! Don't go!!!! ;-)
Interesting turn of events. The group convinced Harvey to invite me back; the letter I received from him convinced me to visit this table, one more time. We'll see how it goes.
IT'S A TRAP!!!! Harvey is just going to taxidermy your ass into a mount on his wall!!! Don't go!!!! ;-)
Seriously though, just be prepared to pack up the moment Harvey throws a fit. It's unfortunate, but most people don't change.
Interesting turn of events. The group convinced Harvey to invite me back; the letter I received from him convinced me to visit this table, one more time. We'll see how it goes.
IT'S A TRAP!!!! Harvey is just going to taxidermy your ass into a mount on his wall!!! Don't go!!!! ;-)
Seriously though, just be prepared to pack up the moment Harvey throws a fit. It's unfortunate, but most people don't change.
True that, but also be prepared to gently remind him if and when he starts to set off again. A gentle reminder of "Hey, we agreed you would be a little more chill, remember?" might go a way toward HELPING him overcome his antics. I neglected to mention that a handful of bullies I've known (and some I've dealt with) actually did make some changes in how they presented themselves, so redemption is possible, even late in life lol. Even discussion here has shown a lot of them are never actually confronted with their problems, which might indicate they don't see their actions as being wrong in any way,. Once something is pointed out, some folks WILL step back and revisit some situations and they may well recognize their way wasn't best at that time.
I agree to be cautious, but also try to keep an open (and tolerant) mind that you shouldn't expect a 100% change right away. Occasional relapses might pop up, but if handled properly, can just be part of the journey of change they end up on. Giving someone a second chance is a good idea.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Talk to your Players.Talk to your DM. If more people used this advice, there would be 24.74% fewer threads on Tactics, Rules and DM discussions.
Interesting turn of events. The group convinced Harvey to invite me back; the letter I received from him convinced me to visit this table, one more time. We'll see how it goes.
Please keep us posted. And a gentle encouragement for you to maintain firm boundaries. Harvey pulls his sh*t again, I think you should walk.
Honestly, leaving (as a player's) the best thing you could do. If I have an observation, it should have at least started as a private conversation between you and the DM as a starting point. I am a believer that DM should be the first port of call, but the DM's also clearly lost "control" of the table/group.
I would have left it at "this game isn't right for me but, it'd be nice to hear from you guys in future" and seen if anyone contacted you - there's many ways to just ignore/block that problem player if they're the one that does. I would have left it for them to raise outside of the game and/or invited the "nice" players to a game at your table/house/whatever after "period of time".
Weirdly, I've encountered more "toxic" people within D&D proportionally and it's very much a case of sooner rather than later. The 2 times it's happened in the past year or so, it's been for "weirdly specific" political agendas that had no relevance at the table, but *player* felt the need to shoehorn it in and "not relevant/appropriate, keep a lid on it or your not welcome" and both times *player* chose to leave - so optimal outcome/little conflict - which gives me some hope that "these people" are at least becoming aware certain irrelevant agendas aren't the way forwards, or at least going to be worth trying to get traction for.
As to you being "invited back", I wouldn't bother "Harvey's" not someone I'd waste my personal time on/with and I suspect you'll end up being subject to "confrontation"/temper tantrum at some point. Good luck with that.
Honestly, leaving (as a player's) the best thing you could do. If I have an observation, it should have at least started as a private conversation between you and the DM as a starting point. I am a believer that DM should be the first port of call, but the DM's also clearly lost "control" of the table/group.
I would have left it at "this game isn't right for me but, it'd be nice to hear from you guys in future" and seen if anyone contacted you - there's many ways to just ignore/block that problem player if they're the one that does. I would have left it for them to raise outside of the game and/or invited the "nice" players to a game at your table/house/whatever after "period of time".
<snip>
As to you being "invited back", I wouldn't bother "Harvey's" not someone I'd waste my personal time on/with and I suspect you'll end up being subject to "confrontation"/temper tantrum at some point. Good luck with that.
I have to agree with Jokei here. I'm glad the other players took it well (so far), but leaving grievance-airing letters instead of private conversations can cause a minefield of problems and come across as passive-aggressive and/or holier-than-thou. And if you don't feel safe or comfortable having important conversations with a group, or you are reasonably confident that nothing will come of them, it's generally a sign that group is better off in the rearview mirror.
I understand that you wanted to raise awareness of bad behavior and maintain relationships with the other players. Personally, I would have just approached the DM first and then the other players individually with my concerns, then I might have asked to discuss it with the entire table if it was clear the DM couldn't handle it and I felt it was worth trying to salvage. I've had far too many experiences with abusive people to willingly subject myself to them, however, and Harvey's behavior has too many of the hallmarks for my comfort. I hope for his sake, the table's, and yours he's repentant and willing to change.
Update, had about an hour long talk with Harvey and his friend.
He held his cool, and discussed his grievances; primarily that he was unhappy that I didn't approach him personally, first. I then explained very carefully why I felt that he had made himself unapproachable, and he acknowledged that my reasoning made sense. He agreed that no one at the table had ever earned these outbursts, and agreed to do his best to hold his temper back. I will call him on it, should he slip into that old behavior pattern.
The evening's game session then passed peacefully, with frequent laughter and smiles. Only time will tell, but it was an encouraging fresh start.
Hey y'all,
As a player, I had recently begun play with an established group. When I join a new group, I tend to stay quiet, and keep my character in the background, until I get a feel for the dynamics at the table. I watch the other players, and I learn how best to integrate with the existing table culture.
After a few sessions, I reluctantly left that table and wrote a letter to all in the group, stating why. Please understand that I am happy to address these things personally, if I can, but the one person who needed to know this has a hair-trigger temper. He is also 6'3" tall, about 240lbs, and puts on a pretty convincing alpha chimpanzee display when things don't go his way. By that, I mean that he lurches up from the table and starts yelling, then stomps around and throws things, usually his own stuff. He looms over everyone at the table and, red-faced, froths as he hollers about how unfair everything is, and how he should be allowed to do things the way he wants to. His tirades can last up to 20 minutes, and even the most careful play can result in 2 or 3 of these tirades, every session. As long as everything goes this guy's way, he is all smiles.
As a result, this large, hulking man-child rules the table with his rage, and holds no consideration for others at the table. One person at the table is a loyal friend of the other, and is the man's constant apologist. The other players have grown accustomed to this limited and unrewarding game of doing "whatever 'Harvey' wants me to do". Harvey is the current table host, so he holds that over the players as well. I have offered up another table, and the DM and one other player are wanting to relocate, but will go with the majority decision of the table, including Harvey's vote. So far, the vote is split; mostly because the current table is conveniently located for many of them. [Statement redacted, unconfirmed.] As an aside, Harvey is an older player, in his mid-forties.
Anyway, here's a copy of my letter to the group. The names have been changed:
Hey guys,
Twice now I have considered saying this live, in front of the group, but have decided to avoid causing any backlash to spill out over the rest of those at the table.
In short, though I think y'all are good people, and I really like you as DM, Jim, I'm not feeling so good about the fit.
As I have said, more than once now, I really like the role play aspect of the game. The problem is, experience has taught me that, through their relentless erosion of enthusiasm for it, the actions of those at the table who least like to do so ultimately determine the level and extent of role play at a table.
Case in point, since I first joined the table, I have watched the faces of my fellow players. One player in particular actively demonstrates his disinterest in role play, outside those moments when he, the player, is currently engaged in the act personally.
Is that a crime? Of course not, but his clenched jaw and his "hurry up" hand gestures signal to the other players at the table that not only are we not holding his interest, but we are getting in his way. His willingness to ignore what is being said, the way he wedges himself into someone else's moment, seemingly at a whim, regularly breaks the magic that us role players like to immerse ourselves in, once in a while.
Having watched this person interrupt everyone, during one moment or another in role play, including cutting off the DM twice, after his character had requested the information of the DM, I came to realize that Harvey might be completely oblivious to his impact on the RP part of the game, during his interruptions. That could be filed under being blindly inconsiderate, but not intentionally rude.
If, however, Harvey does this calculatingly, in order to force other players to keep it short or give up RP with their character, then a whole other can of worms gets dumped out. To interrupt another's role play is, for all practical purposes, a slap down at that player's moment to enjoy their character, and enjoy themselves. If intentional, it demonstrates a gross disregard for his fellow players' enjoyment in all this. When one's RP is slapped down repeatedly, the clear message to that speaker is "I don't care, get out of my way, my turn!"
Whether he acknowledges it or not, Harvey currently holds dominance over what does and doesn't get play time on his table. I sometimes get the feeling that Harvey thinks of me, Dave, as a usurper to the power he wields over the players of the table, but I freely admit that he does not single me out. He exerts his dominance over everyone.
He interrupts everyone to get past the 'boring' parts, and will wedge his voice in there once more, between the sentences of the previous player's dialogue, to place his character in the limelight. When things stop going his way, he pulls the 'indignant' or the 'outraged' card, and burns up 5-20 minutes of everyone's time, as he clamors for further validation for his [Harvey's] emotional outburst.
In relation to that problem, much of that outrage stems from whatever conclusion Harvey just jumped to, after hearing only part of the story. I'm picking on you now, Harvey, because most teenagers show more maturity than you have so far shown me. I am sorry to break this to you, Harvey, but as a player, you are a tyrant. In addition, I can find no clear cut defining line between you and your character. I'm tired of making decisions for my character based on the question, "Will what I'm about to do anger Harvey, and, at the least, cause us a 10 minute stay of the game, to let Harvey's tirade pass?"
As Harvey is the current table host. I will consider myself ejected, and seek another game elsewhere. If you, Harvey, think you can work with the rest of us a little more, and not crap all over our kind of fun, and still want me around, re-invite me and I'll return. If you just want to invite me so you can vent in my face, I ask that you don't.
For all in this crew, I'd love to play more, and I still offer the table overlooking The Sound. I'll do my best to reach any other table that the group chooses, as well. Please keep in touch.
Thoughts? Input? Alternate ways of dealing with this kind of person?
Honestly, I wouldn't point fingers. It just creates drama. Just let them know that you can't make it any more, and leave. Don't create a dramatic exit. If someone comes to you personally, then you can be honest, but otherwise, just go. I get that the player has upset you and would probably feel the same way in your situation...but creating does nothing positive and could blow up in your face afterward. I mean...sending an angry letter blaming a particular person with anger issues...what could go wrong?
Just inform them you're leaving, and find another table.
If you're not willing or able to to discuss in good faith, then don't be surprised if I don't respond, there are better things in life for me to do than humour you. This signature is that response.
In my case, it's too late for the quiet exit. Two players have since contacted me directly, one of them the DM, and said that they agree with my assessment, and had no idea how to bring the subject up to the table host, Harvey. Admittedly, I have a low tolerance for bullshit, and might have left quietly, except that other players said they appreciated my character's input to the game, and my playing style. Two of these players have never played outside this table, and I thought that they deserved to know that each session does not have to revolve around one, domineering player, and that other table space is available.
In any case, I'm out. As others have said here, on this forum: No game is often better than a bad game. Perhaps I'll find another table.
Regarding angering a boor, who should know better, and can theoretically learn from his mistakes, should he choose to, that part doesn't bother me at all. Walking on eggshells, to keep someone like that calm and contented, forget it.
I think the letter was very well written and from what you've shared, is an extremely generous and diplomatic expression of why you left.
It's bizarre, horrendous behavior for an adult and I think you were right for leaving. Hopefully the others will take some courage from your example and Nope outta there.
With the usual caveat that we’re only seeing one side of this, I think it was the right call to write the letter. Some people don’t realize they’re in a bad situation until it’s pointed out by someone else. Hopefully, it will help the others move on from the toxic player.
With the usual caveat, of course.
It would have been easy to just leave, but nothing would have changed for the others at the table. Not knowing how tight this group (might be), outside the game, I resigned myself to the fact that I might alienate everyone at the table, before writing this letter. Regardless of its impact on my game play, I felt that it needed to be said.
Thanks everyone for your input so far.
Goodness me that guy sounds like a complete ****, you’re well out of it mate..I wouldn’t have gone back after the first couple of sessions..
Writing the letter in general could raise problems, but I think that you did a good job of being respectful and polite, and it made sense to explain why you left to the group and what could get you back, though it might not have been great to call people out by name, especially if Harvey is so volatile.
That being said, your letter was very respectful and it might help the other players get out of that gaming situation. Honestly, this is an extremely difficult scenario. The advice we can give you here online is very limited. Not being in the situation, it's hard to give fully accurate feedback on what you should and shouldn't do.
BoringBard's long and tedious posts somehow manage to enrapture audiences. How? Because he used Charm Person, the #1 bard spell!
He/him pronouns. Call me Bard. PROUD NERD!
Ever wanted to talk about your parties' worst mistakes? Do so HERE. What's your favorite class, why? Share & explain
HERE.Well, you showed far more patience for this a-hole's behavior than I would have, so good on you for that.
I do agree the letter was needed. It was maybe a little long winded, but you articulated the problem, and sometimes that takes time.
And yes, this guy gets away with this behavior because the others put up with it. I don't know why, but that's what's going on.
Good luck finding a new table!
You spend too much energy on this OP. Just leave the table and tell them it's because of Harvey if they ask. Who has the energy to deal with such a manchild.
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I think you've done very well with the situation and I strongly disagree with those who feel you were wrong to directly call someone out. This whole "Teddy Ruxpin" mentality of not directly, by name, confronting someone about their poor behavior encourages them to continue to be asshats and empowers them. Cowering and buckling under to their bullying is bullshit and isn't going to do anything aside from encouraging them to continue.
OOOOh, big, burly bully all aggressive? Get over yourself fat boy, you're a blowhard and I can almost guarantee the first time anyone steps up on HIM, he will find himself lost and confused. Not too many bullies actually stand firm when confronted with an aggression that matches their own. I have zero time or tolerance for people like that and I will call them out in an instant. Maybe my past, where I always stood up against bullies has some bearing on it? I have confronted numerous bullies over the years, using tactics that range from verbal fencing (re-state their childish rant back) to joining them in the indignant rage, moving forward them as they attempt to crowd my space in an effort to intimidate. To answer the inevitable question, YES, I have been punched in the face several times by bullies who felt they were tough guys. I realize though that being punched in the face isn't usually fatal and when returned (I know how to throw one myself) with more force, it's usually one shot each and they back down.
Sorry if that comes off as overly harsh, but I have seen too much strife caused by mindless bullies and my blood pressure rises any time I hear of having to share the planet with these caveman types. Evolve or fade to extinction caveman, your days are done!
Talk to your Players. Talk to your DM. If more people used this advice, there would be 24.74% fewer threads on Tactics, Rules and DM discussions.
Interesting turn of events. The group convinced Harvey to invite me back; the letter I received from him convinced me to visit this table, one more time. We'll see how it goes.
IT'S A TRAP!!!! Harvey is just going to taxidermy your ass into a mount on his wall!!! Don't go!!!! ;-)
Seriously though, just be prepared to pack up the moment Harvey throws a fit. It's unfortunate, but most people don't change.
True that, but also be prepared to gently remind him if and when he starts to set off again. A gentle reminder of "Hey, we agreed you would be a little more chill, remember?" might go a way toward HELPING him overcome his antics. I neglected to mention that a handful of bullies I've known (and some I've dealt with) actually did make some changes in how they presented themselves, so redemption is possible, even late in life lol. Even discussion here has shown a lot of them are never actually confronted with their problems, which might indicate they don't see their actions as being wrong in any way,. Once something is pointed out, some folks WILL step back and revisit some situations and they may well recognize their way wasn't best at that time.
I agree to be cautious, but also try to keep an open (and tolerant) mind that you shouldn't expect a 100% change right away. Occasional relapses might pop up, but if handled properly, can just be part of the journey of change they end up on. Giving someone a second chance is a good idea.
Talk to your Players. Talk to your DM. If more people used this advice, there would be 24.74% fewer threads on Tactics, Rules and DM discussions.
Please keep us posted. And a gentle encouragement for you to maintain firm boundaries. Harvey pulls his sh*t again, I think you should walk.
Honestly, leaving (as a player's) the best thing you could do. If I have an observation, it should have at least started as a private conversation between you and the DM as a starting point. I am a believer that DM should be the first port of call, but the DM's also clearly lost "control" of the table/group.
I would have left it at "this game isn't right for me but, it'd be nice to hear from you guys in future" and seen if anyone contacted you - there's many ways to just ignore/block that problem player if they're the one that does. I would have left it for them to raise outside of the game and/or invited the "nice" players to a game at your table/house/whatever after "period of time".
Weirdly, I've encountered more "toxic" people within D&D proportionally and it's very much a case of sooner rather than later. The 2 times it's happened in the past year or so, it's been for "weirdly specific" political agendas that had no relevance at the table, but *player* felt the need to shoehorn it in and "not relevant/appropriate, keep a lid on it or your not welcome" and both times *player* chose to leave - so optimal outcome/little conflict - which gives me some hope that "these people" are at least becoming aware certain irrelevant agendas aren't the way forwards, or at least going to be worth trying to get traction for.
As to you being "invited back", I wouldn't bother "Harvey's" not someone I'd waste my personal time on/with and I suspect you'll end up being subject to "confrontation"/temper tantrum at some point. Good luck with that.
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A.I. art - also nerd stuff - a gallery of NPC portraits - help yourself.
I have to agree with Jokei here. I'm glad the other players took it well (so far), but leaving grievance-airing letters instead of private conversations can cause a minefield of problems and come across as passive-aggressive and/or holier-than-thou. And if you don't feel safe or comfortable having important conversations with a group, or you are reasonably confident that nothing will come of them, it's generally a sign that group is better off in the rearview mirror.
I understand that you wanted to raise awareness of bad behavior and maintain relationships with the other players. Personally, I would have just approached the DM first and then the other players individually with my concerns, then I might have asked to discuss it with the entire table if it was clear the DM couldn't handle it and I felt it was worth trying to salvage. I've had far too many experiences with abusive people to willingly subject myself to them, however, and Harvey's behavior has too many of the hallmarks for my comfort. I hope for his sake, the table's, and yours he's repentant and willing to change.
Update, had about an hour long talk with Harvey and his friend.
He held his cool, and discussed his grievances; primarily that he was unhappy that I didn't approach him personally, first. I then explained very carefully why I felt that he had made himself unapproachable, and he acknowledged that my reasoning made sense. He agreed that no one at the table had ever earned these outbursts, and agreed to do his best to hold his temper back. I will call him on it, should he slip into that old behavior pattern.
The evening's game session then passed peacefully, with frequent laughter and smiles. Only time will tell, but it was an encouraging fresh start.
Good to hear. Nice to get a happy ending.