A person’s identity must be more than a brief collection of descriptive words. I am a person, not a label. History has repeatedly proven that there are more than a few potential risks inherent when a society reduces a people’s “identity” to a handful of adjectives. I am very much in favor of celebrating each other’s diversity. But while doing so, we must also be sure to not forget about each other’s basic humanity. Both must be recognized so that neither can be ignored.
Please actively seek out those things which make us each unique, but also keep sight of what we share in common.
Can we not come together in agreement on that point?
A person’s identity must be more than a brief collection of descriptive words. I am a person, not a label. History has repeatedly proven that there are more than a few potential risks inherent when a society reduces a people’s “identity” to a handful of adjectives. I am very much in favor of celebrating each other’s diversity. But while doing so, we must also be sure to not forget about each other’s basic humanity. Both must be recognized so that neither can be ignored.
Please actively seek out those things which make us each unique, but also keep sight of what we share in common.
Can we not come together in agreement on that point?
"I am a person, not a label."
I agree, strongly. But perhaps we approach this from different views.
Each person is infinite, beyond any label.
Ultimately, each human is unknowable.
Each brain is different. Different personality, different hardwiring, different culture, different personal experience, different context. What something means to one person, can mean something different to an other person. Perhaps the color that one person is seeing is different from the one that an other person is seeing.
Each thing that two people have in common and can kinda sorta relate to, is more like an invitation to step from the known (ones own identity) into the unknown (someone elses identity).
Ultimately, one person can never know the other. But two persons can reach a point where they mutually trust each other.
We are infinite beings who express ourselves in finite ways.
Our "labels" is how we become present to each other.
Ultimately, people have nothing in common except ones infinity.
Each human is an infinite being, who expresses oneself in finite ways.
The finite ways are humblingly, and humorously, finite. Each of us is limited, trading off different strengths and weakness. Much of who one is, one is unable to change − nor would one want to change if one could.
It is more like each human is a different trajectory − evolving in a different direction. Each human is potentially a different kind of universe that can happen.
And we have all of this wonder, and possibility, and transcendence, simply by being around people who are different from oneself.
Anything that two people have in common, is also a label. And perhaps a third person lacks that particular thing.
What do any two humans have in common?
A brain that is hardwired with the capacity of speech? To remember, to communicate, to learn something new, to innovate something new? Emotion and reason? Moments of intimacy and moments of loneliness? Moments of success and moments of failure? Moments of reverie and moments of sensuality? Moments of idealism and moments of pragmatism? Moments of power and moments of fear? Moments of action and moments of rest? Moments of belonging and moments of rejection? Moments of community and moments of introspection? Moments of pleasure and moments of pain? Moments of compassion and moments of justice? Moments of love and moments of awe?
Our brains are different, but we all have a brain. Our bodies are different, but we all have a body.
When one human tries to do anything, to be anything, to accomplish anything, to be in this world. It is by means of labels.
When I meet anyone new, whether it's from D&D, a fellow fan of Camille and Kennerly, or even anyone into model railroading, I introduce myself as "Dave."
I then wait for their response. If they tell me their name is "Bob" then I refer to them as Bob. If they then tell me they want to be referred to as "They/ Them/ He/ She" I use that when referring to them in the third person, or as the name they gave me.
If they don't give me a preferred descriptor, I use the pronouns I grew up with to describe them. If they clarify it later, I change my descriptor.
But I don't expect it at first meetings. Especially in D&D where the obvious straight male is playing a character who is female, for instance.
We really are getting off topic here. However on the subject of names and descriptors, I grew up in Canada as a male whose given name is much more associated with women than with men. In school I got teased over this and picked on a lot. As such, even though I, personally, am straight, I do have a personal understanding as to what homophobic persecution is like to live through.
But as I have said in other posts in this thread, I never had any of that from fellow gamers. My characters were most often male, but I also had female characters. Again, no one from my gaming group ever questioned this. Such questions only came later, from the much wider reaching MMO crowd. I still remember one completely surreal incident where some idiot told me 'I know you are really a male' despite my using a male character, trying to shame me that my character was named after a female character (It wasn't... the character including name was that of a male character). Very different gaming crowd.
But personally, with respect to names and gender, it was quite normal for me to receive correspondence that assumed me female, simply based on my given name. This was also a common occurrence online. It is a lot less common today since Asian names are more common and there are fewer assumptions made, but the truth is, it is just people making educated guesses. It is not any sort of phobia or lack of acceptance.
Slightly more off-topic but somewhat associated, I used to play an MMO that was based off a popular wargaming IP. Some of the classes were assigned gender-specific roles. There was one popular melee-dps class that was female according to the lore. Since this was the only melee-dps class of that race, a lot of people played it. Queue a guy on the forums complaining that he "hit on this character, only to be discouraged that the player was a male. And therefore, there was something wrong with the male playing a female character" rather than him saying "I am a male, I am playing a male character only to hit on this female character and discover that the female character was played by a male." When the blame of assuming the female character was female and the OP was being a creep didn't occur to him in the slightest.
In MMOs and most videogames when I given the chance to choose a gender for my character, I tend to play female ones. As a straight male, I chose this because the female models are more well-designed, they have the most custom wardrobe options and tend to be more variable than the male options. I also tend to make my first character in any game to look like my wife when I have the option.
That also led to a moment in the original Destiny game when I made my Warlock, a female who looked like my wife, and was playing as a duo with another RL female who was friends with us both. When my wife started playing, the other player, a female playing a female character and myself, playing a female character, both in full raid-gear were leveling up my wife's character and a male as a male player started hitting on all three of us, sending us messages about how we were girls and needed his help, when two of us were fully decked out and maxed level with gear and characters, and he couldn't even qualify for the stuff we were doing.
Sorry for the off-topic rant. But it does tie to gender-assumption in a way.
Sorry for the off-topic rant. But it does tie to gender-assumption in a way.
Gender assumption... and being rather a pig I would say. Good grief. Maybe with a less boorish approach, they wouldn’t have to get their kicks tryin’a mack on MMO characters. 🙄 And people wonder why the gaming community seems to be disproportionately male identifying.
I know of two inclusive groups who handle LGBTQ+ very differently by what they do in-game: One group makes certain that it is noted as normalized in-game when it's there - even if irrelevant. The other group has it in-game but takes no notice of it - often never coming up at all even though it exists. This has different effects on players feeling inclusive.
Which is right for you? Which is right for others? That's something only your group can answer. There are all kinds of groups who handle it different in and out of the game. You will find one that matches what you need, but don't let a single mismatch discourage you if it happens.
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
When I meet anyone new, whether it's from D&D, a fellow fan of Camille and Kennerly, or even anyone into model railroading, I introduce myself as "Dave."
I then wait for their response. If they tell me their name is "Bob" then I refer to them as Bob. If they then tell me they want to be referred to as "They/ Them/ He/ She" I use that when referring to them in the third person, or as the name they gave me.
If they don't give me a preferred descriptor, I use the pronouns I grew up with to describe them. If they clarify it later, I change my descriptor.
But I don't expect it at first meetings. Especially in D&D where the obvious straight male is playing a character who is female, for instance.
If I go to a party, or a business meeting, I have a hard enough time keeping track of the names of new people, let alone whatever pronoun a person wants me to use. BTW, if anyone goes to a sales meeting, introduces themselves to a potential new client, then adds what their sexuality is, you can bet their manager will be looking real hard at firing that person. That is a reality, regardless of no matter how much some here wish otherwise. Some may have managed to create a reality where they are insulated from the rest of the real world, but the vast vast majority operate in that real world.
Over the internet I find it almost necessary to ask people their name and pronouns at the same time, almost second nature at this point. As opposed to trying to figure it out on my own out of my personally anxiety about offending someone. Gender and sexual identity are two vastly different things, and i feel like the stigma around pronouns needs to stop
As a DM and player in both live games and Online campaigns. I will say that for the most part someones sexuality has not come up. I have DM'd a live group for almost half a year, and have really enjoyed being their DM... One of my members is LGBTQ and I honestly had no idea until they brought their partner with them one day to the session. No one at the table reacted at all negatively or really even out of their normal selves. One of our members brought a guest with them that is important to them, cool. We played and went about our normal routines. I hope the same would happen at any D&D table.
As for my online campaigns, again I have no idea what the orientation of my other players are. Even if they played a LGBTQ character, that still might not actually represent their own orientation. The beauty of a Role Play game, you can play anything. I play a female in one of my campaigns just to offer a little balance to a party that was going to be all male. Do I identify as a female? Not one bit, but does that mean I cant play one in an role playing game? Absolutely not. I havent explored my characters orientation because it hasnt come up at all in the campaign.
My hope is that the community is very welcoming to anyone who wants to play the game and not be offensive towards the other players.
Basically, the D&D community does not care what sexuality or gender you are, because D&D generally does not include sexually in general. Straight romance is mentioned just as much as gay romance, almost no mention at all. When sexuality is mentioned, generally it favors LGBTQ (such as the god of Elves being LGBTQ), but that doesn't come up very often.
So yeah it's accepting. Results may vary obviously, someone hosting a D&D session about a romantic getaway will probably involve sexually a lot more than Tomb of Annihilation.
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if I edit a message, most of the time it's because of grammar. The rest of the time I'll put "Edit:" at the bottom.
This is your friendly neighbourhood dropping in to remind y'all to keep this civil and on-topic and not to engage in discussing things inappropriate to the site or otherwise against the site rules you all agree to abide by.
Please do so and everything will be five by five. Don't, and the thread will be locked.
In my experience, D&D tends to ignore gays and trans, and omit them from products.
How do we know though? For all we really know, half of the NPCs in every story might have been LGBT, but their sexuality was completely irrelevant to the story, so they just didn’t mention it.
I think they mean that in the published content of notable NPCs within the various worlds aren’t specifically stated as being LGBTQ? As bisexual nonbinary person this is important to me, even if it isn’t relevant to their actions in the story. It’s nice to even mention it within their greater history. Inclusion and representation mean a lot to many of us and even a passing mention of a character being LGBTQ+ would be a huge deal for many. To me not including this (seemingly minor to some) detail is reminiscent of JK Rowling claiming Dumbledoor is gay years after the books were released just for clout. If Wizards or any other canon writings included blurbs on their personalities and backgrounds it would be a big step forward in represention and inclusion for the LGBTQ+ community. Most fantasy and RPGs completely ignore our community which makes us feel unheard. Like I feel like it would be super cool if they decided that a god was trans or that Bigby was bi or something. Sure we could head canon or assume, but it’s not the same as a confirmation
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Dragons? In my dungeon? More likely than you think.
For the most part my experiences within the D&D community have been overwhelmingly positive. That being said, I have seen negative attitudes in online circles like the depths of reddit, but I mostly ignore them for my own sanity and wellbeing. I’ve played with both cis-het players and LGBTQ+ groups and both have been very accepting. My groups that I currently play with are all LGBTQ+, myself included and clear representation is important to us. My DM often includes the gender of NPCs or will mention that they have a husband or wife/ partner if it comes up. She even made the conflict between the protector and betrayer gods due in part to a messy relationship between two gods she reimagined as being queer. It was delightful and super interesting.
Most of the players backstories in our games involve LGBTQ relationships that have contributed to character motivations. Our Warlock lost his memory and is searching for a man he believes was his husband. Our monk was cursed by a witch and had his husband sealed within him and was searching for a way to separate them so they could be together again. Our fighter is asexual and its relevant in game because her and her husband have a child that was out of obligation more so than attraction and its brought up that they tolerate a relationship for their son. My bard is a lesbian, which is relevant because most people play bards as very flirty. She also left home to explore the world because her family didn’t accept her. These things are all important to us.
In the game I DM we have a player who’s a gender fluid changeling rogue who uses this to their advantage. Many of my NPCs are queer/ trans because it feels more authentic in my universe. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it depends on the circles you run with and who you engage with. The community isn’t a monolith and you’ll experience different levels of inclusion, but overall I would say we are generally very accepting
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Dragons? In my dungeon? More likely than you think.
In my experience, D&D tends to ignore gays and trans, and omit them from products.
How do we know though? For all we really know, half of the NPCs in every story might have been LGBT, but their sexuality was completely irrelevant to the story, so they just didn’t mention it.
I think they mean that in the published content of notable NPCs within the various worlds aren’t specifically stated as being LGBTQ? As bisexual nonbinary person this is important to me, even if it isn’t relevant to their actions in the story. It’s nice to even mention it within their greater history. Inclusion and representation mean a lot to many of us and even a passing mention of a character being LGBTQ+ would be a huge deal for many. To me not including this (seemingly minor to some) detail is reminiscent of JK Rowling claiming Dumbledoor is gay years after the books were released just for clout. If Wizards or any other canon writings included blurbs on their personalities and backgrounds it would be a big step forward in represention and inclusion for the LGBTQ+ community. Most fantasy and RPGs completely ignore our community which makes us feel unheard. Like I feel like it would be super cool if they decided that a god was trans or that Bigby was bi or something. Sure we could head canon or assume, but it’s not the same as a confirmation
I can see what your getting at, and the JK Rowling claim about Dumbledoor was a cred only thing she did. Same as Star Trek into Darkness with the character of Sulu being gay to honor the original actor, who was not happy at all about them doing said action. That being said it couldn't be a character well known as then WotC would just be accused of making someone homosexual/trans/whatever for the cred only, it would be hollow and not mean as much if it was a new character they build up to being a big lore character down the road.
With the second DM I mentioned, he stated that there are LGBTQ+ characters in the setting, but the setting is also LGBTQ+ normalized. It's not something that anyone thinks twice about in the setting and nobody makes a point announce it. The Elf kings (both men) of the popular island nation in the middle of the region have a son in the setting. It's nothing unusual to the setting and nobody goes out of their way to point it out. The upper royal family has very little to do with the plot - just some relevance to one of the player character's background as a spoiled brat of the lower royal family, sent away by his father (a cousin to one of the kings) to learn how to stop being such a ***.
This is one method of inclusivity, and it works for me. It is my fantasy to be normalized rather than recognized.
This does not mean that those who desire acceptance because of their statuses are wrong, though.
My experiences led me in a certain direction, and I can see how people's experiences can lead them to fill a different need. We're all different people even with the same labels.
I keep typing that there are tables out there who will match what you seek and to not let any bad experience discourage you. D&D is very capable of being welcoming, even written sources and adventures in 5e leave gaps that can be utilized for those purposes. My experience is that D&D groups in the greater generality are very welcoming to the LGBTQ+ community, but they do so in different ways.
I cannot stress enough that you will find what you seek in D&D. Yes. The D&D community is very accepting with LGBTQ+ folk. What else can I type to make it plain?
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
In almost 40 years of playing D&D as well as far too many other systems, I can only think of a single instance where there was any real kind of feeling. A guy joined our table years ago, he was very openly gay, and the entire session he either hit on everyone and called them a bigot or closed minded for not being interested, and sort of attempted to just steer the game in an awkward direction for the table. No one wanted to play with them again, so that was that. It was very aggressive and weird. That incident aside, I have never seen anything but what appeared as positive and even more so from the LARP community that I used to be very heavily into back in the day.
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A person’s identity must be more than a brief collection of descriptive words. I am a person, not a label. History has repeatedly proven that there are more than a few potential risks inherent when a society reduces a people’s “identity” to a handful of adjectives. I am very much in favor of celebrating each other’s diversity. But while doing so, we must also be sure to not forget about each other’s basic humanity. Both must be recognized so that neither can be ignored.
Please actively seek out those things which make us each unique, but also keep sight of what we share in common.
Can we not come together in agreement on that point?
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting
"I am a person, not a label."
I agree, strongly. But perhaps we approach this from different views.
Each person is infinite, beyond any label.
Ultimately, each human is unknowable.
Each brain is different. Different personality, different hardwiring, different culture, different personal experience, different context. What something means to one person, can mean something different to an other person. Perhaps the color that one person is seeing is different from the one that an other person is seeing.
Each thing that two people have in common and can kinda sorta relate to, is more like an invitation to step from the known (ones own identity) into the unknown (someone elses identity).
Ultimately, one person can never know the other. But two persons can reach a point where they mutually trust each other.
We are infinite beings who express ourselves in finite ways.
Our "labels" is how we become present to each other.
Ultimately, people have nothing in common except ones infinity.
he / him
Each human is an infinite being, who expresses oneself in finite ways.
The finite ways are humblingly, and humorously, finite. Each of us is limited, trading off different strengths and weakness. Much of who one is, one is unable to change − nor would one want to change if one could.
It is more like each human is a different trajectory − evolving in a different direction. Each human is potentially a different kind of universe that can happen.
And we have all of this wonder, and possibility, and transcendence, simply by being around people who are different from oneself.
he / him
"Also keep sight of what we share in common."
Anything that two people have in common, is also a label. And perhaps a third person lacks that particular thing.
What do any two humans have in common?
A brain that is hardwired with the capacity of speech? To remember, to communicate, to learn something new, to innovate something new? Emotion and reason? Moments of intimacy and moments of loneliness? Moments of success and moments of failure? Moments of reverie and moments of sensuality? Moments of idealism and moments of pragmatism? Moments of power and moments of fear? Moments of action and moments of rest? Moments of belonging and moments of rejection? Moments of community and moments of introspection? Moments of pleasure and moments of pain? Moments of compassion and moments of justice? Moments of love and moments of awe?
Our brains are different, but we all have a brain. Our bodies are different, but we all have a body.
When one human tries to do anything, to be anything, to accomplish anything, to be in this world. It is by means of labels.
he / him
When I meet anyone new, whether it's from D&D, a fellow fan of Camille and Kennerly, or even anyone into model railroading, I introduce myself as "Dave."
I then wait for their response. If they tell me their name is "Bob" then I refer to them as Bob. If they then tell me they want to be referred to as "They/ Them/ He/ She" I use that when referring to them in the third person, or as the name they gave me.
If they don't give me a preferred descriptor, I use the pronouns I grew up with to describe them. If they clarify it later, I change my descriptor.
But I don't expect it at first meetings. Especially in D&D where the obvious straight male is playing a character who is female, for instance.
Slightly more off-topic but somewhat associated, I used to play an MMO that was based off a popular wargaming IP.
Some of the classes were assigned gender-specific roles. There was one popular melee-dps class that was female according to the lore.
Since this was the only melee-dps class of that race, a lot of people played it.
Queue a guy on the forums complaining that he "hit on this character, only to be discouraged that the player was a male. And therefore, there was something wrong with the male playing a female character" rather than him saying "I am a male, I am playing a male character only to hit on this female character and discover that the female character was played by a male." When the blame of assuming the female character was female and the OP was being a creep didn't occur to him in the slightest.
In MMOs and most videogames when I given the chance to choose a gender for my character, I tend to play female ones. As a straight male, I chose this because the female models are more well-designed, they have the most custom wardrobe options and tend to be more variable than the male options. I also tend to make my first character in any game to look like my wife when I have the option.
That also led to a moment in the original Destiny game when I made my Warlock, a female who looked like my wife, and was playing as a duo with another RL female who was friends with us both. When my wife started playing, the other player, a female playing a female character and myself, playing a female character, both in full raid-gear were leveling up my wife's character and a male as a male player started hitting on all three of us, sending us messages about how we were girls and needed his help, when two of us were fully decked out and maxed level with gear and characters, and he couldn't even qualify for the stuff we were doing.
Sorry for the off-topic rant. But it does tie to gender-assumption in a way.
Gender assumption... and being rather a pig I would say. Good grief. Maybe with a less boorish approach, they wouldn’t have to get their kicks tryin’a mack on MMO characters. 🙄 And people wonder why the gaming community seems to be disproportionately male identifying.
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting
I know of two inclusive groups who handle LGBTQ+ very differently by what they do in-game: One group makes certain that it is noted as normalized in-game when it's there - even if irrelevant. The other group has it in-game but takes no notice of it - often never coming up at all even though it exists. This has different effects on players feeling inclusive.
Which is right for you? Which is right for others? That's something only your group can answer. There are all kinds of groups who handle it different in and out of the game. You will find one that matches what you need, but don't let a single mismatch discourage you if it happens.
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
If I go to a party, or a business meeting, I have a hard enough time keeping track of the names of new people, let alone whatever pronoun a person wants me to use. BTW, if anyone goes to a sales meeting, introduces themselves to a potential new client, then adds what their sexuality is, you can bet their manager will be looking real hard at firing that person. That is a reality, regardless of no matter how much some here wish otherwise. Some may have managed to create a reality where they are insulated from the rest of the real world, but the vast vast majority operate in that real world.
Over the internet I find it almost necessary to ask people their name and pronouns at the same time, almost second nature at this point. As opposed to trying to figure it out on my own out of my personally anxiety about offending someone. Gender and sexual identity are two vastly different things, and i feel like the stigma around pronouns needs to stop
As a DM and player in both live games and Online campaigns. I will say that for the most part someones sexuality has not come up. I have DM'd a live group for almost half a year, and have really enjoyed being their DM... One of my members is LGBTQ and I honestly had no idea until they brought their partner with them one day to the session. No one at the table reacted at all negatively or really even out of their normal selves. One of our members brought a guest with them that is important to them, cool. We played and went about our normal routines. I hope the same would happen at any D&D table.
As for my online campaigns, again I have no idea what the orientation of my other players are. Even if they played a LGBTQ character, that still might not actually represent their own orientation. The beauty of a Role Play game, you can play anything. I play a female in one of my campaigns just to offer a little balance to a party that was going to be all male. Do I identify as a female? Not one bit, but does that mean I cant play one in an role playing game? Absolutely not. I havent explored my characters orientation because it hasnt come up at all in the campaign.
My hope is that the community is very welcoming to anyone who wants to play the game and not be offensive towards the other players.
Basically, the D&D community does not care what sexuality or gender you are, because D&D generally does not include sexually in general. Straight romance is mentioned just as much as gay romance, almost no mention at all. When sexuality is mentioned, generally it favors LGBTQ (such as the god of Elves being LGBTQ), but that doesn't come up very often.
So yeah it's accepting. Results may vary obviously, someone hosting a D&D session about a romantic getaway will probably involve sexually a lot more than Tomb of Annihilation.
if I edit a message, most of the time it's because of grammar. The rest of the time I'll put "Edit:" at the bottom.
...wasn’t this thread locked at some point?
No. Why?
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting
This is your friendly neighbourhood dropping in to remind y'all to keep this civil and on-topic and not to engage in discussing things inappropriate to the site or otherwise against the site rules you all agree to abide by.
Please do so and everything will be five by five. Don't, and the thread will be locked.
Find my D&D Beyond articles here
I think they mean that in the published content of notable NPCs within the various worlds aren’t specifically stated as being LGBTQ? As bisexual nonbinary person this is important to me, even if it isn’t relevant to their actions in the story. It’s nice to even mention it within their greater history. Inclusion and representation mean a lot to many of us and even a passing mention of a character being LGBTQ+ would be a huge deal for many. To me not including this (seemingly minor to some) detail is reminiscent of JK Rowling claiming Dumbledoor is gay years after the books were released just for clout. If Wizards or any other canon writings included blurbs on their personalities and backgrounds it would be a big step forward in represention and inclusion for the LGBTQ+ community. Most fantasy and RPGs completely ignore our community which makes us feel unheard. Like I feel like it would be super cool if they decided that a god was trans or that Bigby was bi or something. Sure we could head canon or assume, but it’s not the same as a confirmation
Dragons? In my dungeon? More likely than you think.
For the most part my experiences within the D&D community have been overwhelmingly positive. That being said, I have seen negative attitudes in online circles like the depths of reddit, but I mostly ignore them for my own sanity and wellbeing. I’ve played with both cis-het players and LGBTQ+ groups and both have been very accepting. My groups that I currently play with are all LGBTQ+, myself included and clear representation is important to us. My DM often includes the gender of NPCs or will mention that they have a husband or wife/ partner if it comes up. She even made the conflict between the protector and betrayer gods due in part to a messy relationship between two gods she reimagined as being queer. It was delightful and super interesting.
Most of the players backstories in our games involve LGBTQ relationships that have contributed to character motivations. Our Warlock lost his memory and is searching for a man he believes was his husband. Our monk was cursed by a witch and had his husband sealed within him and was searching for a way to separate them so they could be together again. Our fighter is asexual and its relevant in game because her and her husband have a child that was out of obligation more so than attraction and its brought up that they tolerate a relationship for their son. My bard is a lesbian, which is relevant because most people play bards as very flirty. She also left home to explore the world because her family didn’t accept her. These things are all important to us.
In the game I DM we have a player who’s a gender fluid changeling rogue who uses this to their advantage. Many of my NPCs are queer/ trans because it feels more authentic in my universe. I guess what I’m trying to say is that it depends on the circles you run with and who you engage with. The community isn’t a monolith and you’ll experience different levels of inclusion, but overall I would say we are generally very accepting
Dragons? In my dungeon? More likely than you think.
I can see what your getting at, and the JK Rowling claim about Dumbledoor was a cred only thing she did. Same as Star Trek into Darkness with the character of Sulu being gay to honor the original actor, who was not happy at all about them doing said action. That being said it couldn't be a character well known as then WotC would just be accused of making someone homosexual/trans/whatever for the cred only, it would be hollow and not mean as much if it was a new character they build up to being a big lore character down the road.
With the second DM I mentioned, he stated that there are LGBTQ+ characters in the setting, but the setting is also LGBTQ+ normalized. It's not something that anyone thinks twice about in the setting and nobody makes a point announce it. The Elf kings (both men) of the popular island nation in the middle of the region have a son in the setting. It's nothing unusual to the setting and nobody goes out of their way to point it out. The upper royal family has very little to do with the plot - just some relevance to one of the player character's background as a spoiled brat of the lower royal family, sent away by his father (a cousin to one of the kings) to learn how to stop being such a ***.
This is one method of inclusivity, and it works for me. It is my fantasy to be normalized rather than recognized.
This does not mean that those who desire acceptance because of their statuses are wrong, though.
My experiences led me in a certain direction, and I can see how people's experiences can lead them to fill a different need. We're all different people even with the same labels.
I keep typing that there are tables out there who will match what you seek and to not let any bad experience discourage you. D&D is very capable of being welcoming, even written sources and adventures in 5e leave gaps that can be utilized for those purposes. My experience is that D&D groups in the greater generality are very welcoming to the LGBTQ+ community, but they do so in different ways.
I cannot stress enough that you will find what you seek in D&D. Yes. The D&D community is very accepting with LGBTQ+ folk. What else can I type to make it plain?
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
In almost 40 years of playing D&D as well as far too many other systems, I can only think of a single instance where there was any real kind of feeling. A guy joined our table years ago, he was very openly gay, and the entire session he either hit on everyone and called them a bigot or closed minded for not being interested, and sort of attempted to just steer the game in an awkward direction for the table. No one wanted to play with them again, so that was that. It was very aggressive and weird. That incident aside, I have never seen anything but what appeared as positive and even more so from the LARP community that I used to be very heavily into back in the day.