Hi. I am pleased to announce that one of our players has given birth to a lovely baby boy named Lester. Mother and baby are doing well, but I (as DM) am not! She will be out for a few weeks, and I am currently trying to figure out how to keep our group's live campaign running in her absence, and we do not know how long she will be out.
The party (all 1st level) is currently on a ship in the Moonshae Isles heading toward Caftenor, and her character (Nestaril) is currently in bed "seasick". The idea that I am considering is that she is not seasick, but is actually affected by a wound suffered in an earlier battle which has become infected. A PC cleric (Lunia) is on board, and the ship is due to arrive on the island in our next session.
Here is what I am thinking: Nestaril's wound is infected (or some other malady) and her hit points begin to fall while she begins to have fever dreams and Lunia cares for her with what few abilities and herbs that she has on hand. Once they reach the island, the herbs can be sourced by the rest of the party while Nestaril convalesces. In the meantime, I can run an online game with Nestaril exploring her fever dream. My intention for doing this is to try to keep XP roughly the same for the whole party so one PC isn't lagging behind.
My question: 1) Does this sound like a reasonable workaround? 2) Is there a better idea? And, 3) Can XP be earned while in a fever dream state?
A few weeks is likely optimistic, I would figure months. I would recommend writing the PC out of the story for the moment, and at such time as the player becomes available again, either reintroduce the character (who has been doing unspecified things somewhere offscreen) or introduce a new character.
It all sounds fair to me. I understand there's some worry about leaving a character behind in XP, and as long as your players don't mind, it's totally fair to just let their character keep up with the rest of the PCs even though the actual player is too busy with real world obligations to be able to join your game.
Personally I would prefer to just run the other players through a one-shot or two while the other player recovers, but I know that "write and plan multiple one-shots" isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. But I like giving players the opportunity to try out some character or class concepts that they might not want to jump into a long-term campaign with.
1). It sounds like you've thought out most of the angles, but you need to be really really open to the idea that the new mother may not have much time to work with you. 2). The only good idea is that your group all buy in to a way to keep the game going while understanding the real world priorities at play here. 3). If this is what gets you to the situation I described in 2), of course they can. The near-death experience could have granted Nestaril some unique insight into her craft such that she jumps a level without ever doing anything at all, if that keeps everything on course. If she doesn't make it back for months and by then she's just as happy rolling a level-whatever replacement and joining as a new character, you, as DM, have permission to make that happen too.
I agree that your best bet is to handwave it as "she's away having another adventure" and when she returns it turns out she accrued exactly the same amount of XP/levels as the rest of the party, how weird is that? Right, back to adventuring!
I doubt anyone will object to keeping her character on par with the rest of the party so that when she returns it keeps going smoothly.
If she's up to playing an online one-shot of a lucid dream then that would be an awesome way to work it out. The players can be questing to save her whilst she is questing alone. Give both sides a way to save her, so she can save herself whilst the party tries to save her and vice versa, and that would make it a very interesting and compelling story arc with a PC in peril without making it feel like someone's being picked on.
It's also a good chance to examine what XP means to you and your players. Are you using XP as a "reward" that you toss out periodically for good ideas or roleplaying? Is it something that you calculate at the end of a session? Are you using it more to track general power?
Generally if you're not using it as something "earned" in the moment, you can easily hand wave it with "when Lester's Mom is ready to play with us again, she's going to get a boost in XP so she's not behind you guys" and most players will be cool with that. If you use it as personal rewards, ie "you get 50 xp for awesome RP" and "You get 100 xp for that journal entry", then that might be a harder sell for the party. On the other hand, if the player were to write up a personal journal of her experiences "off camera" (and mom feels she has the energy to keep up with such things) then that could cover that and you don't need to sweat it any more.
One thought on the whole "new baby thing". Let the mom drive what happens. Things change radically when you add a kid to the house, even if it's not your first. She might feel she's got the time (I felt like I did a lot of sitting and looking at a sleeping baby with our youngest) and she might feel like she's generically too tired to ever think about DND again. Or she might be ready to come back to the table but not for any kind of big one player productions.
1) Having a new baby is exhausting :) ... especially depending on how well the new baby sleeps. Whether the new mom will be able to join again in the forseeable future depends a lot on the level of support they have. A new baby can't usually get by for a period of hours without attention. New borns end up getting fed every 2-4 hours usually on their schedule and not on the parents. So sitting down and focusing on a role playing game isn't often an option especially not on a regular basis. (whether or not others can help with the feeding depends on other factors and decisions made by the parents). It isn't impossible they could be back playing in a few months but the reality is that it could be a lot longer. This is especially true given that it is a brand new campaign.
2) Don't expect the new mom to play 1:1 sessions to catch up. Maybe they are very keen but it is also likely that they will be too tired. Let the new mom be the driver in terms of whether they play at all and when and if they return to playing regularly.
3) You are the DM. You are empowered. All you need to say is that the new mom's character has been off adventuring on their own and for any session where they manage to join the party they are simply the same level as everyone else. Have her left at the nearest town recovering from some ailment then going off and adventuring on their own. Since it is unknown when or if they will be able to join back in then I'd suggest leaving the character out of any storylines and just being happy for their presence when they can make it.
4) Last :) ... if the new mom's partner is in the play group too then don't count on regular attendance from them either :) ... new babies take a lot of work from both parents especially if both parents also work. Free time is significantly reduced.
Everything everyone else said, plus - offer some help. Not help so they can play the game - just help with no strings attached. Baby sit and let them get out of the house, have a quick whip round and buy diapers and baby bottles (check their brand). As DM you kind of naturally slip into a leadership role for the group, and it's appropriate for you to suggest/organize a group effort.
New babies are damn hard work, and D&D will be the least of her worries. If she has time, energy and desire to play, she'll come to you.
On my old hockey teams, guys' wives would have a first baby, and he would say "it won't impact me playing hockey". Everyone would roll their eyes, and yes, that guy would soon be gone for at least the first year of the child's life.
That new mother is done for quite a while. Just semi-retire her char, but don't expect her back.
As these are all 1st level characters... the campaign hasn't exactly kicked off. Why not play a short campaign meanwhile and when the player is back, kick this one off the right way? Everyone still gets to play the character they want, no one misses out and no one is left behind or had to do calculations on where they should be.
A friend of mine had a baby, he hasn’t returned yet. The child is now 5.
The easiest thing to do is either *poof* them out of the story (like they just got disconnected from a server) and have everyone act like they were never there, then *poof* them back again if/when the player comes back and have everyone act like they were there the whole time.
The second easiest thing to do is have that character go off and attend to something on their own and then come back. You could even play small, 1-on-1 side storiels with that player if they have the time and energy. Then, whenever they come back they would actually have tales to tell of their time away from the party, and the party would have tales to tell that PC too.
What I would personally do is take over that character as a PNPC who is around but not actively adventuring. Most folks would likely recommend against this option since it is apparently not so easy for lots of folks to not have the PNPC turn into a DMPC by accident. The difference is that a DMPC is a DM trying to play a PC in their own game, which never works out well (watching the DM play with themselves is not entertaining) while a PNPC (party NPC) is basically a production assistant. They’re there to do what the party requires of them, like running errands, delivering messages, taking a shift on watch, stuff like that. They either don’t engage in combat, or you narrate them participating but they don’t actually affect the outcome. They don’t solve problems for the party, they don’t really “do” much of anything other than the boring, menial stuff that would bog down the story of the PCs did it. They aren’t Batman, they’re not even Robin, they’re barely Alfred. Then, if/when your player returns simply level up the character a bit and return them.
A friend of mine had a baby, he hasn’t returned yet. The child is now 5.
This. I would not make plans that assume the player will return. They might take long time to return. They might not return at all. If they do return, there's a good chance they'll have significant scheduling restrictions (so, for example, the might only be available intermittently or for fairly short sessions). I would avoid trying to make plans until the player is actually ready to return, and just make sure that it's possible for them to do so. Just stow the PC somewhere offscreen where they can reappear without breaking verisimilitude too much if needed.
I want to add +1 to everyone who said a few weeks is highly optimistic. Some parents can pull that off. Very many more cannot. My sister and brother-in-law were basically incommunicado for a full year after their first baby was born, for instance. Oh, I saw them -- I'm the Uncle, so I got to go there for holidays and stuff. But I don't think any of their friends saw them for a year. And they absolutely wouldn't have been able to do anything on a regular schedule like a game night.
Be prepared for this to be a long-term thing. I think since they are level 1, and this is apparently fairly early in the campaign, the best thing to do may be to do just what you have suggested.
BUT... I will say this... I have a player who has only shown up maybe 3x in 27 sessions. Starting after the 1st session family issues (with the kids, of course) forced him to be away from the game, even though we play on Zoom and not in person. He just can't give us the 4 straight hours due to being a dad, because his wife has major health issues. I have kept his PC around and played him as an NPC -- mostly I do not say much, since it is not my character, and I let one of the other players tell me what they want him to do in combat (usually one player just takes him over in battle). I do not regret keeping him around. This friend has had a lot of stress in his life, and I think that he gets a lot of joy from reading the other PCs' journal entries about the sessions, and especially in leveling up his character each time they gain a level. So one added benefit to keeping the PC around, although it definitely is harder work for the DM, is that the player may not just like it but perhaps even psychologically need it -- especially after doing all those 2 am feedings, dealing with a baby who wouldn't stop crying for 3 hours straight, etc... it might help to sit down for 30 minutes in DDB and level up her character.
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Hi. I am pleased to announce that one of our players has given birth to a lovely baby boy named Lester. Mother and baby are doing well, but I (as DM) am not! She will be out for a few weeks, and I am currently trying to figure out how to keep our group's live campaign running in her absence, and we do not know how long she will be out.
The party (all 1st level) is currently on a ship in the Moonshae Isles heading toward Caftenor, and her character (Nestaril) is currently in bed "seasick". The idea that I am considering is that she is not seasick, but is actually affected by a wound suffered in an earlier battle which has become infected. A PC cleric (Lunia) is on board, and the ship is due to arrive on the island in our next session.
Here is what I am thinking: Nestaril's wound is infected (or some other malady) and her hit points begin to fall while she begins to have fever dreams and Lunia cares for her with what few abilities and herbs that she has on hand. Once they reach the island, the herbs can be sourced by the rest of the party while Nestaril convalesces. In the meantime, I can run an online game with Nestaril exploring her fever dream. My intention for doing this is to try to keep XP roughly the same for the whole party so one PC isn't lagging behind.
My question: 1) Does this sound like a reasonable workaround? 2) Is there a better idea? And, 3) Can XP be earned while in a fever dream state?
Any help would be appreciated!
1. If the group wants to rescue nestaril as a story, go ahead. But ASK first. 2. But I would just do other adventures and when the player returns just give free xp. 3. Up to you.
re-reading and seeing that they are all level one, I would definitely discuss with the group about postponing this campaign until she can rejoin. Then, once the group has agreed to it, let her know that the campaign is going on hold until she wants to rejoin. Get the group to make some new characters and start a different campaign to tide you over to her return. Start with a series of one-shots with the same characters, and if her return is delayed (as we all expect it will be) then you can keep it going. When she returns, the group can decide whether to go back to the old campaign or continue the new one.
I agree with the above as a good idea -- at level 1, they can't possibly be very invested in these characters yet. It may be best start a new party without her character and put the old one on hold, and you can go back to the old party when she is ready to come back.
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WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
re-reading and seeing that they are all level one, I would definitely discuss with the group about postponing this campaign until she can rejoin. Then, once the group has agreed to it, let her know that the campaign is going on hold until she wants to rejoin. Get the group to make some new characters and start a different campaign to tide you over to her return. Start with a series of one-shots with the same characters, and if her return is delayed (as we all expect it will be) then you can keep it going. When she returns, the group can decide whether to go back to the old campaign or continue the new one.
That seems like an awful lot of work for a DM. Assume the DM had crafted a campaign with multiple over-arching storylines and themes running through it. Even at level 1, to put that on hiatus for an indeterminate time (like at least a year, very likely forever) because one char has dropped out is too much to ask. Now the DM is supposed to craft a brand new campaign? Nope.
Life happens. People drift in and out of a game, or circle of friends. The DM should simply say "Char X has decided to do activity Y, and won't be with the group.", and then carry on the campaign from there.
I think 1) extremely reasonable, 2) Actually best idea I've heard in while ( most folks just have them fade into the background and poof back in ) 3) Yes, it is a mental exercise and counts as training/combat.
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Hi. I am pleased to announce that one of our players has given birth to a lovely baby boy named Lester. Mother and baby are doing well, but I (as DM) am not! She will be out for a few weeks, and I am currently trying to figure out how to keep our group's live campaign running in her absence, and we do not know how long she will be out.
The party (all 1st level) is currently on a ship in the Moonshae Isles heading toward Caftenor, and her character (Nestaril) is currently in bed "seasick". The idea that I am considering is that she is not seasick, but is actually affected by a wound suffered in an earlier battle which has become infected. A PC cleric (Lunia) is on board, and the ship is due to arrive on the island in our next session.
Here is what I am thinking: Nestaril's wound is infected (or some other malady) and her hit points begin to fall while she begins to have fever dreams and Lunia cares for her with what few abilities and herbs that she has on hand. Once they reach the island, the herbs can be sourced by the rest of the party while Nestaril convalesces. In the meantime, I can run an online game with Nestaril exploring her fever dream. My intention for doing this is to try to keep XP roughly the same for the whole party so one PC isn't lagging behind.
My question: 1) Does this sound like a reasonable workaround? 2) Is there a better idea? And, 3) Can XP be earned while in a fever dream state?
Any help would be appreciated!
A few weeks is likely optimistic, I would figure months. I would recommend writing the PC out of the story for the moment, and at such time as the player becomes available again, either reintroduce the character (who has been doing unspecified things somewhere offscreen) or introduce a new character.
It all sounds fair to me. I understand there's some worry about leaving a character behind in XP, and as long as your players don't mind, it's totally fair to just let their character keep up with the rest of the PCs even though the actual player is too busy with real world obligations to be able to join your game.
Personally I would prefer to just run the other players through a one-shot or two while the other player recovers, but I know that "write and plan multiple one-shots" isn't exactly the easiest thing in the world. But I like giving players the opportunity to try out some character or class concepts that they might not want to jump into a long-term campaign with.
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1). It sounds like you've thought out most of the angles, but you need to be really really open to the idea that the new mother may not have much time to work with you. 2). The only good idea is that your group all buy in to a way to keep the game going while understanding the real world priorities at play here. 3). If this is what gets you to the situation I described in 2), of course they can. The near-death experience could have granted Nestaril some unique insight into her craft such that she jumps a level without ever doing anything at all, if that keeps everything on course. If she doesn't make it back for months and by then she's just as happy rolling a level-whatever replacement and joining as a new character, you, as DM, have permission to make that happen too.
Just keep the game going without her. You don't need any fancy story or cover. Everybody knows what's really going on so nothing fancy is needed.
When she can come back to playing, then drop her back in. It is not as jarring as you might think.
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I agree that your best bet is to handwave it as "she's away having another adventure" and when she returns it turns out she accrued exactly the same amount of XP/levels as the rest of the party, how weird is that? Right, back to adventuring!
I doubt anyone will object to keeping her character on par with the rest of the party so that when she returns it keeps going smoothly.
If she's up to playing an online one-shot of a lucid dream then that would be an awesome way to work it out. The players can be questing to save her whilst she is questing alone. Give both sides a way to save her, so she can save herself whilst the party tries to save her and vice versa, and that would make it a very interesting and compelling story arc with a PC in peril without making it feel like someone's being picked on.
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It's also a good chance to examine what XP means to you and your players. Are you using XP as a "reward" that you toss out periodically for good ideas or roleplaying? Is it something that you calculate at the end of a session? Are you using it more to track general power?
Generally if you're not using it as something "earned" in the moment, you can easily hand wave it with "when Lester's Mom is ready to play with us again, she's going to get a boost in XP so she's not behind you guys" and most players will be cool with that. If you use it as personal rewards, ie "you get 50 xp for awesome RP" and "You get 100 xp for that journal entry", then that might be a harder sell for the party. On the other hand, if the player were to write up a personal journal of her experiences "off camera" (and mom feels she has the energy to keep up with such things) then that could cover that and you don't need to sweat it any more.
One thought on the whole "new baby thing". Let the mom drive what happens. Things change radically when you add a kid to the house, even if it's not your first. She might feel she's got the time (I felt like I did a lot of sitting and looking at a sleeping baby with our youngest) and she might feel like she's generically too tired to ever think about DND again. Or she might be ready to come back to the table but not for any kind of big one player productions.
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A couple of comments ...
1) Having a new baby is exhausting :) ... especially depending on how well the new baby sleeps. Whether the new mom will be able to join again in the forseeable future depends a lot on the level of support they have. A new baby can't usually get by for a period of hours without attention. New borns end up getting fed every 2-4 hours usually on their schedule and not on the parents. So sitting down and focusing on a role playing game isn't often an option especially not on a regular basis. (whether or not others can help with the feeding depends on other factors and decisions made by the parents). It isn't impossible they could be back playing in a few months but the reality is that it could be a lot longer. This is especially true given that it is a brand new campaign.
2) Don't expect the new mom to play 1:1 sessions to catch up. Maybe they are very keen but it is also likely that they will be too tired. Let the new mom be the driver in terms of whether they play at all and when and if they return to playing regularly.
3) You are the DM. You are empowered. All you need to say is that the new mom's character has been off adventuring on their own and for any session where they manage to join the party they are simply the same level as everyone else. Have her left at the nearest town recovering from some ailment then going off and adventuring on their own. Since it is unknown when or if they will be able to join back in then I'd suggest leaving the character out of any storylines and just being happy for their presence when they can make it.
4) Last :) ... if the new mom's partner is in the play group too then don't count on regular attendance from them either :) ... new babies take a lot of work from both parents especially if both parents also work. Free time is significantly reduced.
Everything everyone else said, plus - offer some help. Not help so they can play the game - just help with no strings attached. Baby sit and let them get out of the house, have a quick whip round and buy diapers and baby bottles (check their brand). As DM you kind of naturally slip into a leadership role for the group, and it's appropriate for you to suggest/organize a group effort.
New babies are damn hard work, and D&D will be the least of her worries. If she has time, energy and desire to play, she'll come to you.
On my old hockey teams, guys' wives would have a first baby, and he would say "it won't impact me playing hockey". Everyone would roll their eyes, and yes, that guy would soon be gone for at least the first year of the child's life.
That new mother is done for quite a while. Just semi-retire her char, but don't expect her back.
As these are all 1st level characters... the campaign hasn't exactly kicked off. Why not play a short campaign meanwhile and when the player is back, kick this one off the right way? Everyone still gets to play the character they want, no one misses out and no one is left behind or had to do calculations on where they should be.
A friend of mine had a baby, he hasn’t returned yet. The child is now 5.
The easiest thing to do is either *poof* them out of the story (like they just got disconnected from a server) and have everyone act like they were never there, then *poof* them back again if/when the player comes back and have everyone act like they were there the whole time.
The second easiest thing to do is have that character go off and attend to something on their own and then come back. You could even play small, 1-on-1 side storiels with that player if they have the time and energy. Then, whenever they come back they would actually have tales to tell of their time away from the party, and the party would have tales to tell that PC too.
What I would personally do is take over that character as a PNPC who is around but not actively adventuring. Most folks would likely recommend against this option since it is apparently not so easy for lots of folks to not have the PNPC turn into a DMPC by accident.
The difference is that a DMPC is a DM trying to play a PC in their own game, which never works out well (watching the DM play with themselves is not entertaining) while a PNPC (party NPC) is basically a production assistant. They’re there to do what the party requires of them, like running errands, delivering messages, taking a shift on watch, stuff like that. They either don’t engage in combat, or you narrate them participating but they don’t actually affect the outcome. They don’t solve problems for the party, they don’t really “do” much of anything other than the boring, menial stuff that would bog down the story of the PCs did it. They aren’t Batman, they’re not even Robin, they’re barely Alfred. Then, if/when your player returns simply level up the character a bit and return them.
I hope that helps.
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This. I would not make plans that assume the player will return. They might take long time to return. They might not return at all. If they do return, there's a good chance they'll have significant scheduling restrictions (so, for example, the might only be available intermittently or for fairly short sessions). I would avoid trying to make plans until the player is actually ready to return, and just make sure that it's possible for them to do so. Just stow the PC somewhere offscreen where they can reappear without breaking verisimilitude too much if needed.
I want to add +1 to everyone who said a few weeks is highly optimistic. Some parents can pull that off. Very many more cannot. My sister and brother-in-law were basically incommunicado for a full year after their first baby was born, for instance. Oh, I saw them -- I'm the Uncle, so I got to go there for holidays and stuff. But I don't think any of their friends saw them for a year. And they absolutely wouldn't have been able to do anything on a regular schedule like a game night.
Be prepared for this to be a long-term thing. I think since they are level 1, and this is apparently fairly early in the campaign, the best thing to do may be to do just what you have suggested.
BUT... I will say this... I have a player who has only shown up maybe 3x in 27 sessions. Starting after the 1st session family issues (with the kids, of course) forced him to be away from the game, even though we play on Zoom and not in person. He just can't give us the 4 straight hours due to being a dad, because his wife has major health issues. I have kept his PC around and played him as an NPC -- mostly I do not say much, since it is not my character, and I let one of the other players tell me what they want him to do in combat (usually one player just takes him over in battle). I do not regret keeping him around. This friend has had a lot of stress in his life, and I think that he gets a lot of joy from reading the other PCs' journal entries about the sessions, and especially in leveling up his character each time they gain a level. So one added benefit to keeping the PC around, although it definitely is harder work for the DM, is that the player may not just like it but perhaps even psychologically need it -- especially after doing all those 2 am feedings, dealing with a baby who wouldn't stop crying for 3 hours straight, etc... it might help to sit down for 30 minutes in DDB and level up her character.
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have a npc wizard put her in stasis.
1. If the group wants to rescue nestaril as a story, go ahead. But ASK first. 2. But I would just do other adventures and when the player returns just give free xp. 3. Up to you.
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re-reading and seeing that they are all level one, I would definitely discuss with the group about postponing this campaign until she can rejoin. Then, once the group has agreed to it, let her know that the campaign is going on hold until she wants to rejoin. Get the group to make some new characters and start a different campaign to tide you over to her return. Start with a series of one-shots with the same characters, and if her return is delayed (as we all expect it will be) then you can keep it going. When she returns, the group can decide whether to go back to the old campaign or continue the new one.
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I agree with the above as a good idea -- at level 1, they can't possibly be very invested in these characters yet. It may be best start a new party without her character and put the old one on hold, and you can go back to the old party when she is ready to come back.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
That seems like an awful lot of work for a DM. Assume the DM had crafted a campaign with multiple over-arching storylines and themes running through it. Even at level 1, to put that on hiatus for an indeterminate time (like at least a year, very likely forever) because one char has dropped out is too much to ask. Now the DM is supposed to craft a brand new campaign? Nope.
Life happens. People drift in and out of a game, or circle of friends. The DM should simply say "Char X has decided to do activity Y, and won't be with the group.", and then carry on the campaign from there.
I think 1) extremely reasonable, 2) Actually best idea I've heard in while ( most folks just have them fade into the background and poof back in ) 3) Yes, it is a mental exercise and counts as training/combat.
Mystic v3 should be official, nuff said.