I remember Uncle Kyle...used to watch me when I was just a little Burt. And he did what creepy uncles do best. Thanksgiving is super awkward now. Roll on, sir.

Sweet. I'm assuming level 3, with 1st level (or 1st and 2nd?) with max hps. Is it 6 or 7 4d6 rolls for stats? Is advancement exp or milestone? I'll assume hps on my character will be need to be set manually.

I know there's probably a bard in the party, but I can overlook that. I won't check out the party make-up til I've finished character gen as I like the idea that a random stranger shouldn't be able to fill the missing pieces of your puzzle. I may confer with the other new player for immediate backstory, if we are both on the rescue side of the rescue attempt.

As a recently self-emancipated slave I am assuming my equipment will be on the cheap/nasty/scrounged/stolen side, and that a copious amount of magical goodies for me lie on the other side of the rock-fall :)

It's cute, how you assume we know what we're doing here.

Okay time to see if I have mastered the dice rolling code....

Stat rolls: 

10,4,13, 11, Unable to parse dice roll., 10

3rd level hp roll (unless hp gain is auto average): 9

Height/weight roll (just because): 8

Starting gold roll (I'm assuming this and my starting equipment is looted/made from the bodies of any slavers standing between me and freedom. I probably haven't been shopping, so as long as I have starting equipment, starting coinage can be zero for all I care): Unable to parse dice roll.

Age: 58

Ok that was a bit of a dysfunctional first effort. So let's do the bits that didn't work again....

Starting gold: Unable to parse dice roll.

Stats: [roll]4d6dl1[/roll ],[roll]4d6dl1[/roll ],[roll]4d6dl1[/roll ],[roll]4d6dl1[/roll ],[roll]4d6dl1[/roll ],[roll]4d6dl1[/roll ],[roll]4d6dl1[/roll ]

hmmm, ....

Okay third time luckier....

Starting gold (without the x10 maths): 15

Stats:    11,13,7,7,10,8,16,

 Yay!!

Hmm, but damn those stats look cheesy, lets try the straight stat roller: Ability scores: 10 14 12 10 13 13 9

LOL that's even worse (better).... 

Okay I'll punch on, and the great and glorious, all-knowing, all-kind DM can nerf the numbers as desired

Damn damn, forgot weight mod: 6

Okay, character made, and then I checked the party and you are all level 2?!?!? So Fiver Wormbane has now shaved a level. Also I don't know this adventure and confused it w Escape from the Abyss, so I may not be as far underground or near slavers as previously stated :)

Having now shown my clueless credentials, I aspire only to find some decent armour and join your hive mind of  intelligensia.

And to keep myself busy I will yell things like "Are you alive?", "Do you need rescuing?", "Are you in much pain?", in Dwarvish and Common until I can get a dialogue going.

I will also appraise myself of the quality and possible quantity of rock to be moved and whether it is safe to do so and proceed to cautiously move same (with the help of any other rescuer on this side of the obstruction): [I am not sure how dwarven stonecunning can help here, but I will stonecunning the situation as best I can!!] And these are the rolls if needed:

Wis(Perception); attempting communication with the dying: 15

Int(Investigation); assessing the nature and safety of the environment: 19

Wis(Insight); planning a procedure to move obstruction with the tools that I have, and materials and help on site:14

Str(Athletics); implementing same:12

Generic roll if stonecunning is of any advantage: 5

Hmm, I may be needing taht advantage roll, or rescue too....

High five, hi Fiver!

We can't hear you, since we are trying to blow down the walls with the power of rock. Which is stupid, since that is how the cave collapsed in the first place, but it tells you what kind of campaign you were unwise enough to join. You can hear (for now) Queen's We Will Rock You coming through the rubble - we are waiting to see if the Pitch Percussionist is performing well enough for the lead lute to get an advantage on the roll. The bassist - Greg, me, the one-legged centaur - certainly is not. We may have to try another song. So stand back

But be ready to rescue us when this stupid idea fails

Iradon the tongue-less halfling is out there with you, but he and the DM are in a different time zone so you may not hear from them for a while. 

What limbs or appendages is Fiver missing?

It could be that he is remarkably well endowed for his race, was the fifth child, had an automatic hand gesture from birth, skewered a specific number of goblins with one attack, but you probably won't know until I rescue you.... or die of boredom trying :)

To answer your questions - milestone, but there aren't many of them :D ; Starting equipment is grand; Max HP 1st level, average or roll for 2nd and beyond;

That was a whole lot of rolls, so in recognition of your effort and my unwillingness to figure out how they might be relevant, Fiver has a full-on Beautiful Mind moment where he can sense the individual notes of the music creeping through the seams in the collapsed stone, identifying the perfect order in which to remove them - you'll need to keep the athletics checks coming but as Fiver thins out the blockage, less rock power is required to blast it open.... Burt, this could be your moment....

Welcome aboard, and please accept both my apologies and sympathies for all that's to come.

Sweet. I'll take my roll for 3rd level as my 2nd level roll, and lose the 2nd level auto max.

And as I don't my plodding away at menial tasks, I'll slowly chug away at moving rocks and if it takes me a few hours, no worries.

Athletics rolls (as and if required): 17, 10, 17, 27, 

As the band got ready to play, THE Black Knight looks over to where he thought Burt should be, what with it being dark and all and says, as he's tapping out the time with the candlesticks, "You know who'd really be a hit right now, that old Fiver guy. Remember him? Assuming we ever knew him that is. Hope he brought arms!"

And the beat went on... 

"Jump in any time boys, I'll just be sitting here banging out the rhythm. Just wait for it to come around... wait... no you missed it, wait... here it comes... ok, missed it again... Jump in, any time. On time though, but any time. Well, any ON time that is. You know what I'm saying... here it comes..."

Here. Goes. Burt.

performance 22

Unaware of how unnecessary it all is because they're being dug out by a certified athletics beast, the band tap into something deep, something primal, which in retrospect is not a clever thing to do when you're playing an Elemental Evil campaign, but what's done is done. Anyway - ROCK!

The cave lights up, the rocks and stones themselves glowing as they vibrate with the rhythm of the drums, the thrum of the bass. Then the guitar kicks in, drawing all that energy out, momentarily plunging the group back into darkness. In the sky beyond the clouds, unseen stars align. Burt lets loose with the rock scream 

The loose rubble in the cave mouth is no match for the focused beam of pure machismo blasting out of his face. The cave explodes outwards

Iradon and Fiver, were, thankfully not in the path - that pic is just for illustrative purposes. Tricklerock cave is no more. Long live Macklinsfield.

Oh shame, He made it... Iradon will look hopefully for the roof of the cave over Burt to fall, while simultaneously hoping that the cave over Greg doesn't fall. He is slightly indifferent about the TBK, though slightly leaning towards not falling.

Burt, now clad in leather from the power of rock, grabs the clinky (hopefully) treasure sacks to drag them out into the light. Well boys. We might be able to buy more ham now! Hey, who are you? He asks Fiver, already knowing the answer, but for posterity's sake, figured he should ask.

Sure Burt gets all the groupies, and gets to name the band, but Greg isn't putting up with "Heartbreakers". he'll keep using random band names until Burt picks a good one. As the blockage falls away like a groupie's virtue...

Have you seen the light?

the Five out of Eight follow their leader Macklin (with a bag of shinies and a rubber hat?) in slow motion swagger, as much as possible for us invalids do swagger.

You missed a great jam sess, Elderberry. Who's the other short guy? Him with the legs - check those muscles and the gold. Boss, I bet he can cover most of the initiation fee - we set it at 150 this month?

Hang on, lemme check his character sheet. Let's see...pop open a new tab...campaigns....there we go. Ya know, it was 150, but since he helped us out, we'll give him a discount. It's only 110 gold! You lucky guy!

And heartbreakers was just a place holder, really. How bout Murderous Macklinators?

Claiming sole credit for the rescue Fiver appears in your midst amid a clutter of rock, an explosion of dust, a ferocious yell, and a competing, and compelling soundtrack.

Freedom!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9D7oeM3zd8

Perception to assess the state of the previously entombed: 20 

And after the obligatory, momentary , and expository exchange of complete backstories and motivations, he addresses the elephant in the room: "Stumpy 'Elephant' Greg"'s magnificent contraption:

Animal Handling: 5 

Ahhh, You know you're not supposed to put the cart before the horse?

With that clarified, Fiver follows in search of food, armour, a milestone achievement, and adventure (in descending order of priority).

Assuming you take the huge bag of cash, it's a whopping 2500 copper pieces. Enough to start your own Coindozer! And a stretchy yellow skullcap of indeterminate intent.

The cave is gone. The body you found, buried. So... you have the map - what's next?

Fresh meat - here's the map :D