I have my player a car, then there was an undead sheep on the road which jumped onto the bonnet (long story) instead of hitting the sheep off he cast fireball at like 6th level. The gas in the car ignited and everything blew up almost killing the player and another player in the back of the car sleeping. At least the sheep died… or did it.
Submitted for your consideration; the worst executed assassination in history.
To set the scene: I'm running a heavily home-brewed Star Wars conversion of D&D 3.5. My party consists of a human smuggler/slicer (Star Wars slang for hacker), and a Mandalorian mercenary. The perpetrator of this event was the latter; a man of peculiar decision making skills; this was far from the first, and far from the last instance of moon-logic on his part, but by far the most infamous.
Our... heroes? were in the mid-levels of Coruscant; trying to scrape together the credits to do more important things; the smuggler predictably chose to do fetch-quests, while the mercenary a combination of boxing matches (which our smuggler proceeded to bet his courier money on) and the job that lead to this event. The organizer of said fight-club wanted his new muscle to go retrieve some owed credits; didn't specify how, or if the target lives or dies, just so long as the money was retrieved.
Our Merc proceeds to find the correct resi-block and address; our first instance of moon-logic begins: he KNOWS a slicer, he COULD have someone open the door, he COULD have someone watch his back, but instead of involving the other member of the party, he proceeds to BnE this apartment with a pry-bar. Unsurprisingly; the guy who IS home takes a pot shot at him with a blaster. He ignores being shot at twice while letting himself into the apartment via brute force alone.
Upon entry, our second and third instances of moon logic. The second: he speaks exactly zero words to this man: he JUST has to get the money, no combat is required, but he closes to melee with no communication at all. The third; instead of using any of the weapons on his person (he has 2), he proceeds to BEAT the target to death with his boxing gauntlets. Unsurprisingly; this takes a few rounds and is incredibly loud, in a cheap apartment with super thin walls.
Fourth and fifth instances of moon-logic come next. Instead of grabbing the money he originally came for, or indeed anything else of value from his crime scene; he leaves. He's out of the block and halfway back to the hide-out when he realizes he's forgotten something...He turns around, AND GOES BACK; and is surprised that CoreSec (Coruscant police) is there investigating the very loud, very bloody crime scene. He is shocked that they find a large muscle-bound man with bloody gauntlets even slightly suspicious.
That ranks up there with the story about the guy in a Cyberpunk campaign who decided to call the police when bad guys were breaking into his apartment rather than try to defend himself or escape.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
That would make sense to Breath of the Wild players, because the game encourages you to do exactly that, die horribly, and then try again with a shield instead of a pot, at which point you learn how to do some AWESOME parrying and beat it to death with the boomerang. That would make sense, see?
I will provide two stories, one from D&D where I was a player, and another from Star Wars West End which @CaptainCorvid's fantastic story inspired me to do so:
D&D 5e (5 or so years ago):
My party had just cleared out some goblins and were rewarded by the local king of the area. They then told us about another quest and housed us in the castle town, during that time through some investigation the King's Royal Magistrate appeared to be quite the suspiscious figure. So my friend who was playing a Lawful Good Warforged Paladin (barely hidden underneath a cloak and I was playing a Lawful Neutral Half-Elf Bard (named Elvish Presley), and we separated from the rest of our party who decided to go to bed.
The Paladin and I tracked down the magistrate who had gone out to drink and forced him into a private ally way to interrogate him. He did not reveal anything to us, to which we believed to be an admission of guilt for some reason, and at that time my Bard realized that maybe we made a mistake because there was no way we would not arrest us in the morning. After mentioning this to my Lawful Good Paladin friend he gut-stabbed and slit the throat of the magistrate (to which I remember us asking if that killed the magistrate to our poor DM). We then split the loot on his body between us - including his signet ring. Then snuck the body across town and dumped him in the local well. With that done we made it back to our lodging safely, but later on in the campaign there was a quest to find the missing magistrate that we tactfully ignored. Additionally, the DM told us that the Magistrate had a highly transferable venereal disease that we spread to the entire town through the water supply.
Star Wars:
The group was a rag-tag group of smugglers/bounty hunters that had a love-hate relationship with the Rebel Alliance, they had done jobs for the Rebels - but had also stolen from the Rebels on several occasions. The group was also fairly late game and had access to several lightsabers, a stolen Inquistor ship, and a commercial Gozanti Cruiser with a modified Star Destroyer Cruiser Shield Generator attached to it at the expense of its guns.
The group consisted of an Smuggler, a bounty hunter, a pirate, a minor jedi, a K2SO unit, a Brash Pilot, and an Armchair Historian. We played quick sessions and could play without players, which allowed us to have such a large cast of players. For the case of this story I think that the Pilot and Historian were missing.
We had been contracted by the Rebel alliance to infiltrate a Imperial controlled planet and to get some information on the Imperial garrison. The group had planned on following through on the mission, but it got hot fairly quickly and we had to get out of there. However, since we made it out the GM made the mistake of talking about the spots near our ship hanger. One of which included a bank. We decided to do an impromptu bank heist. It went very bad very quickly and we were soon in a gunfight with the rapidly mobilizing Imperial Garrison. Our pirate was able to get into the vault and we all locked ourselves inside. Meanwhile, our Brash Pilot (luckily) rejoined the session and flew the Gozanti Cruiser over the bank, absorbing fire from TIEs. Inside the vault, the minor jedi passed a few lightsabers to the K2SO unit who cut a small hole in the roof of the vault and signaled the cruiser to lock on. They the cut all portions of the vault away from the building and lifted the entire vault out of the bank and began making our escape. For some reason the smuggler and pirate remained in the vault, with the K2SO unit hanging on to the docking clamp which sealed over the hole in the top. Everyone else made it to the ship.
Then we made our escape into hyperspace with our droid player out in space, our pirate and smuggler locked into the vault and an Imperial Garrison giving chase. *We did not know at the time whether the Vault was vaccum sealed. Which thankfully it was.
While I have had many more dumb stories since those, they definetely take the cake. Sometimes my players (I'm a DM and GM) apologize to me and say "wow that must have been the dumbest thing ever," and I get to say to them that "no, you're doing just fine."
That time when my dragonborn warlock snuck into a flying citadel on Avernus disguised as a nycaloth named Gruvor (she had a Hat of Disguise) and managed to bluff her way all the way to an archdevil’s throne room before her deception was uncovered.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I really like D&D, especially Ravenloft, Exandria and the Upside Down from Stranger Things. My pronouns are she/they (genderfae).
When playing a heavily changed version on of Icespire peak we went to Gnomengard where my Elardrin Druid who could fly ( long story) flew over all the traps the dm had planned whilst 2 other players walked behind when the fell in to a pit with a gelatinous ooze ( Very long story ) I pulled up our high elf wizard with a Nat 20 whilst the Tiefling warlock burned up ( He didn’t die).
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I also have the ability to manifest my thoughts in ways that cut people. I call this power words. -Tasha
When playing a heavily changed version on of Icespire peak we went to Gnomengard where my Elardrin Druid who could fly ( long story) flew over all the traps the dm had planned whilst 2 other players walked behind when the fell in to a pit with a gelatinous ooze ( Very long story ) I pulled up our high elf wizard with a Nat 20 whilst the Tiefling warlock burned up ( He didn’t die).
Or the time that (I was the DM) and a Tabaxi cleric held down a elf who was peaceful punched her in the face another character pulled them apart whilst the Tiefling warlock cast charm person on her.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I also have the ability to manifest my thoughts in ways that cut people. I call this power words. -Tasha
Right now, my party is running Lost Mine of Phandelver with some homebrew, and we raided a castle, where our artificer built a flamethrower and burnt some tapestries whilist attacking some goblins, and right after, an owlbear showed up and just cut down our artificer. How stupid is that? Almost as stupid as us butchering a grick we killed, cutting it into various long strands and topping with gore and viscera, and serving it to our pet nothic. Why.
Setting: Forest, Night, next to castle players just claimed from goblins. We were level 2 with about 5 players. One of the players ( A half-orc named Tanner Thredgold choosing the last name purely to bug his older brother the DM who had previously played an Angus Thredgold) decided to go out into the forest to look for a pet wolf. Our Druid, Arakockra, and my paladin went with him while our Barbarian stayed back to "keep the keep". After Tanner had been antagonizing the DM for close to 30 minutes, threatining to "Tell mom you aren't doing what I want and make her cancel the game tonight" The DM finally let us find a wolf. Boy o boy was the smile on the DM's face terrifying when Tanner rolled a NAT 1 on the tame check. Our characters hightailed it out of there quick before the DM said what happened. "You attempt to pet the wolf but it bites you and reveals itself as a werewolf and suddenly 4 others jump out of the bushes and they all attack you!". Without a second to breath, Tanner heard several dice clattering on the table. Tears filled his eyes. The arakockra took notice and got a NAT 20 getting Tanner out of there. We entered the castle with werewolves chasing close behind. The gate was solid Mithril and the werewolves couldn't make it through, we were safe. At least that's what I thought until Tanner cracked open the gate the slightest bit, punched a werewolf, and closed it shut again. The DM lit up and started to have the werewolves dig under the door. We all unaminously decided to throw Tanner out the gate to appease the werewolves. It didn't work. Tanner's character died but then Angus Talos (DM's character from a one-shot) popped out and killed the wolves with one mighty blast of lightning. Tanner succeeded his saving throws but to this day we never let him live it down. We call it "The Day Tanner was Stupid"
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Hello There. I am a worldbuilder and proud DM that is creating a huge world called Eldredom. I'm pouring many hours into it and I may make some things later...
I'd have been more sympathetic to the GM if he had limited the werewolves to attacking the annoying troll and hadn't dropped a GMPC out to save the party.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
yeah, but he needed the GMPC since i was going to take over as GM the next session. His characters like their entrances
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Hello There. I am a worldbuilder and proud DM that is creating a huge world called Eldredom. I'm pouring many hours into it and I may make some things later...
Not me but our bard broke into a store to steal a mythryl shirt. Got knocked out by a ward. While my direwolf was dragging him out the stores owners arrive, 3 strong looking fighters. Our sorcerer then stands in the doorway and summons 8 demons. Chaos ensues and half the party are pretending they don't know us and the rest panicking as the town guard arrive.
Luckily my character was able to use illusionary script, a blackmailers background and high charisma to convince the guard we were checking the towns security on the mayors orders but it was tense there waiting on my die roll.
Well, for one, most of my friends' characters are arsenists. So in short, we almost set a forest, basement, and house on fire in the same session. Our DM actually allowed us to set a rug on fire, so we did
Hello There. I am a worldbuilder and proud DM that is creating a huge world called Eldredom. I'm pouring many hours into it and I may make some things later...
So, This story is about what NOT to say to a bard.
SO! Me and my Party *One Other person* were playing dragons of icespire peak. I had been playing a Rock Gnome paladin at Lvl 5. Now, While we were in a nearby town there was a drowish bard. I had then insulted the music of that Bard (Which was to our DM ACDC back in Black. I meant as a Joke.) I HAD THEN PROCEEDED to get grabbed by a Dracolich, Flown into the sky. Slashed across the chest TWICE! then smitten by Lolth the Spider queen. We had to pay 10 gold to get me revived. The moral of the story? Don't insult the DM's music taste.
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Lore, Lore, and More! That's what I'm about!
PM me if you wish for some lore on a person or place!
i had the bright idea of lighting a torch in a room filled with extremely flammable gas. Surprisingly, i was the only one who didnt die
Also, get it? Bright idea? Cause we all blew up?
I wonder how plummeting hundreds of feet feels
The idea was fire!!!
BoringBard's long and tedious posts somehow manage to enrapture audiences. How? Because he used Charm Person, the #1 bard spell!
He/him pronouns. Call me Bard. PROUD NERD!
Ever wanted to talk about your parties' worst mistakes? Do so HERE. What's your favorite class, why? Share & explain
HERE.I have my player a car, then there was an undead sheep on the road which jumped onto the bonnet (long story) instead of hitting the sheep off he cast fireball at like 6th level. The gas in the car ignited and everything blew up almost killing the player and another player in the back of the car sleeping. At least the sheep died… or did it.
Characters (Links!):
Faelin Nighthollow - 7th Sojourn
Submitted for your consideration; the worst executed assassination in history.
To set the scene: I'm running a heavily home-brewed Star Wars conversion of D&D 3.5. My party consists of a human smuggler/slicer (Star Wars slang for hacker), and a Mandalorian mercenary. The perpetrator of this event was the latter; a man of peculiar decision making skills; this was far from the first, and far from the last instance of moon-logic on his part, but by far the most infamous.
Our... heroes? were in the mid-levels of Coruscant; trying to scrape together the credits to do more important things; the smuggler predictably chose to do fetch-quests, while the mercenary a combination of boxing matches (which our smuggler proceeded to bet his courier money on) and the job that lead to this event. The organizer of said fight-club wanted his new muscle to go retrieve some owed credits; didn't specify how, or if the target lives or dies, just so long as the money was retrieved.
Our Merc proceeds to find the correct resi-block and address; our first instance of moon-logic begins: he KNOWS a slicer, he COULD have someone open the door, he COULD have someone watch his back, but instead of involving the other member of the party, he proceeds to BnE this apartment with a pry-bar. Unsurprisingly; the guy who IS home takes a pot shot at him with a blaster. He ignores being shot at twice while letting himself into the apartment via brute force alone.
Upon entry, our second and third instances of moon logic. The second: he speaks exactly zero words to this man: he JUST has to get the money, no combat is required, but he closes to melee with no communication at all. The third; instead of using any of the weapons on his person (he has 2), he proceeds to BEAT the target to death with his boxing gauntlets. Unsurprisingly; this takes a few rounds and is incredibly loud, in a cheap apartment with super thin walls.
Fourth and fifth instances of moon-logic come next. Instead of grabbing the money he originally came for, or indeed anything else of value from his crime scene; he leaves. He's out of the block and halfway back to the hide-out when he realizes he's forgotten something...He turns around, AND GOES BACK; and is surprised that CoreSec (Coruscant police) is there investigating the very loud, very bloody crime scene. He is shocked that they find a large muscle-bound man with bloody gauntlets even slightly suspicious.
That ranks up there with the story about the guy in a Cyberpunk campaign who decided to call the police when bad guys were breaking into his apartment rather than try to defend himself or escape.
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
So, wait, he beheaded himself in a sword swallowing attempt?
yep, oops.
That would make sense to Breath of the Wild players, because the game encourages you to do exactly that, die horribly, and then try again with a shield instead of a pot, at which point you learn how to do some AWESOME parrying and beat it to death with the boomerang. That would make sense, see?
oops, forgot to quote, twice.
I will provide two stories, one from D&D where I was a player, and another from Star Wars West End which @CaptainCorvid's fantastic story inspired me to do so:
D&D 5e (5 or so years ago):
My party had just cleared out some goblins and were rewarded by the local king of the area. They then told us about another quest and housed us in the castle town, during that time through some investigation the King's Royal Magistrate appeared to be quite the suspiscious figure. So my friend who was playing a Lawful Good Warforged Paladin (barely hidden underneath a cloak and I was playing a Lawful Neutral Half-Elf Bard (named Elvish Presley), and we separated from the rest of our party who decided to go to bed.
The Paladin and I tracked down the magistrate who had gone out to drink and forced him into a private ally way to interrogate him. He did not reveal anything to us, to which we believed to be an admission of guilt for some reason, and at that time my Bard realized that maybe we made a mistake because there was no way we would not arrest us in the morning. After mentioning this to my Lawful Good Paladin friend he gut-stabbed and slit the throat of the magistrate (to which I remember us asking if that killed the magistrate to our poor DM). We then split the loot on his body between us - including his signet ring. Then snuck the body across town and dumped him in the local well. With that done we made it back to our lodging safely, but later on in the campaign there was a quest to find the missing magistrate that we tactfully ignored. Additionally, the DM told us that the Magistrate had a highly transferable venereal disease that we spread to the entire town through the water supply.
Star Wars:
The group was a rag-tag group of smugglers/bounty hunters that had a love-hate relationship with the Rebel Alliance, they had done jobs for the Rebels - but had also stolen from the Rebels on several occasions. The group was also fairly late game and had access to several lightsabers, a stolen Inquistor ship, and a commercial Gozanti Cruiser with a modified Star Destroyer Cruiser Shield Generator attached to it at the expense of its guns.
The group consisted of an Smuggler, a bounty hunter, a pirate, a minor jedi, a K2SO unit, a Brash Pilot, and an Armchair Historian. We played quick sessions and could play without players, which allowed us to have such a large cast of players. For the case of this story I think that the Pilot and Historian were missing.
We had been contracted by the Rebel alliance to infiltrate a Imperial controlled planet and to get some information on the Imperial garrison. The group had planned on following through on the mission, but it got hot fairly quickly and we had to get out of there. However, since we made it out the GM made the mistake of talking about the spots near our ship hanger. One of which included a bank. We decided to do an impromptu bank heist. It went very bad very quickly and we were soon in a gunfight with the rapidly mobilizing Imperial Garrison. Our pirate was able to get into the vault and we all locked ourselves inside. Meanwhile, our Brash Pilot (luckily) rejoined the session and flew the Gozanti Cruiser over the bank, absorbing fire from TIEs. Inside the vault, the minor jedi passed a few lightsabers to the K2SO unit who cut a small hole in the roof of the vault and signaled the cruiser to lock on. They the cut all portions of the vault away from the building and lifted the entire vault out of the bank and began making our escape. For some reason the smuggler and pirate remained in the vault, with the K2SO unit hanging on to the docking clamp which sealed over the hole in the top. Everyone else made it to the ship.
Then we made our escape into hyperspace with our droid player out in space, our pirate and smuggler locked into the vault and an Imperial Garrison giving chase. *We did not know at the time whether the Vault was vaccum sealed. Which thankfully it was.
While I have had many more dumb stories since those, they definetely take the cake. Sometimes my players (I'm a DM and GM) apologize to me and say "wow that must have been the dumbest thing ever," and I get to say to them that "no, you're doing just fine."
#OpenD&D
Forever DM
Strangely obsessed with the Lords Alliance.
Godforsaken Pinkerton agents, Homestead Massacre much?
Formerly WoF Excelsior
;)
That time when my dragonborn warlock snuck into a flying citadel on Avernus disguised as a nycaloth named Gruvor (she had a Hat of Disguise) and managed to bluff her way all the way to an archdevil’s throne room before her deception was uncovered.
I really like D&D, especially Ravenloft, Exandria and the Upside Down from Stranger Things. My pronouns are she/they (genderfae).
When playing a heavily changed version on of Icespire peak we went to Gnomengard where my Elardrin Druid who could fly ( long story) flew over all the traps the dm had planned whilst 2 other players walked behind when the fell in to a pit with a gelatinous ooze ( Very long story ) I pulled up our high elf wizard with a Nat 20 whilst the Tiefling warlock burned up ( He didn’t die).
I also have the ability to manifest my thoughts in ways that cut people. I call this power words. -Tasha
I play 3.5E…sometimes.
Come swim over to the Bloody Barnacle! The Bloody Barnacle against the world!
They/them
My avatar is stuck in Archeon help would be ideal.
Silhouette of determination! Thanks drum!
Or the time that (I was the DM) and a Tabaxi cleric held down a elf who was peaceful punched her in the face another character pulled them apart whilst the Tiefling warlock cast charm person on her.
I also have the ability to manifest my thoughts in ways that cut people. I call this power words. -Tasha
I play 3.5E…sometimes.
Come swim over to the Bloody Barnacle! The Bloody Barnacle against the world!
They/them
My avatar is stuck in Archeon help would be ideal.
Silhouette of determination! Thanks drum!
Right now, my party is running Lost Mine of Phandelver with some homebrew, and we raided a castle, where our artificer built a flamethrower and burnt some tapestries whilist attacking some goblins, and right after, an owlbear showed up and just cut down our artificer. How stupid is that? Almost as stupid as us butchering a grick we killed, cutting it into various long strands and topping with gore and viscera, and serving it to our pet nothic. Why.
Setting: Forest, Night, next to castle players just claimed from goblins. We were level 2 with about 5 players. One of the players ( A half-orc named Tanner Thredgold choosing the last name purely to bug his older brother the DM who had previously played an Angus Thredgold) decided to go out into the forest to look for a pet wolf. Our Druid, Arakockra, and my paladin went with him while our Barbarian stayed back to "keep the keep". After Tanner had been antagonizing the DM for close to 30 minutes, threatining to "Tell mom you aren't doing what I want and make her cancel the game tonight" The DM finally let us find a wolf. Boy o boy was the smile on the DM's face terrifying when Tanner rolled a NAT 1 on the tame check. Our characters hightailed it out of there quick before the DM said what happened. "You attempt to pet the wolf but it bites you and reveals itself as a werewolf and suddenly 4 others jump out of the bushes and they all attack you!". Without a second to breath, Tanner heard several dice clattering on the table. Tears filled his eyes. The arakockra took notice and got a NAT 20 getting Tanner out of there. We entered the castle with werewolves chasing close behind. The gate was solid Mithril and the werewolves couldn't make it through, we were safe. At least that's what I thought until Tanner cracked open the gate the slightest bit, punched a werewolf, and closed it shut again. The DM lit up and started to have the werewolves dig under the door. We all unaminously decided to throw Tanner out the gate to appease the werewolves. It didn't work. Tanner's character died but then Angus Talos (DM's character from a one-shot) popped out and killed the wolves with one mighty blast of lightning. Tanner succeeded his saving throws but to this day we never let him live it down. We call it "The Day Tanner was Stupid"
Hello There. I am a worldbuilder and proud DM that is creating a huge world called Eldredom. I'm pouring many hours into it and I may make some things later...
I'd have been more sympathetic to the GM if he had limited the werewolves to attacking the annoying troll and hadn't dropped a GMPC out to save the party.
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
yeah, but he needed the GMPC since i was going to take over as GM the next session. His characters like their entrances
Hello There. I am a worldbuilder and proud DM that is creating a huge world called Eldredom. I'm pouring many hours into it and I may make some things later...
Not me but our bard broke into a store to steal a mythryl shirt. Got knocked out by a ward. While my direwolf was dragging him out the stores owners arrive, 3 strong looking fighters. Our sorcerer then stands in the doorway and summons 8 demons. Chaos ensues and half the party are pretending they don't know us and the rest panicking as the town guard arrive.
Luckily my character was able to use illusionary script, a blackmailers background and high charisma to convince the guard we were checking the towns security on the mayors orders but it was tense there waiting on my die roll.
Well, for one, most of my friends' characters are arsenists. So in short, we almost set a forest, basement, and house on fire in the same session. Our DM actually allowed us to set a rug on fire, so we did
Yeah, That's pretty much my current party too
Hello There. I am a worldbuilder and proud DM that is creating a huge world called Eldredom. I'm pouring many hours into it and I may make some things later...
So, This story is about what NOT to say to a bard.
SO! Me and my Party *One Other person* were playing dragons of icespire peak. I had been playing a Rock Gnome paladin at Lvl 5. Now, While we were in a nearby town there was a drowish bard. I had then insulted the music of that Bard (Which was to our DM ACDC back in Black. I meant as a Joke.) I HAD THEN PROCEEDED to get grabbed by a Dracolich, Flown into the sky. Slashed across the chest TWICE! then smitten by Lolth the Spider queen. We had to pay 10 gold to get me revived. The moral of the story? Don't insult the DM's music taste.
Lore, Lore, and More! That's what I'm about!
PM me if you wish for some lore on a person or place!
I think the real moral of that story is that your GM is a jerk.
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.