I enjoy Roleplaying, A lot; I've done it in every MMO I've played from Runescape to WoW to FFXIV and every odd game in between since then... but it's always just been one on one mostly. My Parents ALWAYS would share the stories of their D&D campaigns with me when I was growing up and sometimes I just watched their games. My partner's father is starting a D&D campaign as DM, they are all super big Critical Role fans and everyone is really excited to get started as the campaign is slowly being built. It's all super casual, full of new people who've never played D&D, it couldn't be a more open and welcoming experience... and yet I think about building this character and joining them and I am surprisingly stricken with fear about everything from performing badly and saying something stupid... to just being bland and even getting worked up to the point of crying sometimes. It's the same crippling fear as the idea of public speaking and I know 100% that if I just get started and I start getting comfortable with it... I'll be ok! I just can't shake this inhibition and it's keeping me from progressing forward with any sort of character building and keeps making me talk myself out of joining. I don't know if it's cause I wanna impress my partner and her father, I don't know if it's because I'm just a naturally anxious person. I don't know if it's cause I'll be with a lot of folks I don't know. I don't know if it's cause I'm afraid I'll make up a stupid character.... or it's just a conglomerate of all those things into one?!
Any other anxious players out there? Any who started out anxious but now really enjoy themselves? Any advice on telling anxiety how to shut the heck up? Any advice at all for someone who has played little to no REAL D&D/PAthfinder/Rogue Legacy campaigns for more than 2 sessions...?
What I can suggest since you already know about experience lessening anxiety over time, is the next time the thoughts start running through your head?
Stop yourself from the thinking.
Close your eyes.
Take a few, slow, deep breaths. In through the nose, out the mouth.
Say to yourself in your head "It's going to be okay." Several times. Should be your only thought.
Can even do this mid-session. Just relax yourself. Be at ease. Nobody is expecting anything of you, it's going to be okay. There's no easy fix for anxiety. However, running rapid, complex thoughts through your head only exacerbates the issue. Even what you wrote is so incredibly complex and detailed I can see the anxiety for myself.
Honestly and for your character in this type of setting? Just keep it simple. One focus, maybe one personality archetype you're interested in, done. Play that. Develop their character **as** you play, not writing a novel before the first session. You don't need to rapidly think of hilariously funny, witty responses. and you can probably already laugh off a silly near-death battle encounter out-of-character Just simply say what you wanna say to the point. That is that :).
I think this is simply a fear of the unknown. Simple, but not easy to conquer. I have anxiety about it all the time. I'm autistic, I rehearse conversations to cover all my bases and not get caught off-guard, but many things in life end up doing so anyway. The same with my weekly D&D session: I imagine how my character's going to react to certain circumstances (which, I won't lie, has been helped by reading the module first), and then players or our DM decides to do something I could never predict because I'm not in their shoes, and I'm only the main character of my story.
If you're unsure about speaking up, that's understandable, so don't speak until you're ready. Make the first step of simply getting into the game. That's the hardest part, and I should know: I've been reading D&D materials for about 4 years before I bit the bullet and found the Discord server that I'm always itching to play with. And like the unpredictability of those players, you can't know just how overwhelmingly supportive they will be. Partly because they would like the game to progress, sure, but we're talking about your partner and their dad. They're not going to give you grief because of a game you're new to.
Make the effort to turn up, and make a character that you're comfortable with playing. Never mind the stats, never mind the class. If you start out with a shy character, your development will be their development, and that's far more noticeable and welcome to a party's hearthfire stories than gear and an ability score increase. Nine sessions in and I'm only just using a bad Brum accent and telling jokes people remember.
Knowing what I do about D&D, the less you know about it, the sooner you dive in head-first without thinking, the better it is. If you agonise over stats, mechanics, lore, crunch and fluff, you ironically become more distant from it and find more excuses to stay away. Experience is the best teacher, and I think you've got some fair, understanding teachers, a blessing for the community as a whole.
I wish you luck, and I hope you'll have such a good time you'll forget how to tell us how it's going. ^^
Zero is the most important number in D&D: Session Zero sets the boundaries and the tone; Rule Zero dictates the Dungeon Master (DM) is the final arbiter; and Zero D&D is better than Bad D&D.
"Let us speak plainly now, and in earnest, for words mean little without the weight of conviction."
I was very nervous the first time I played. I was also playing with people I'd never met, at an open day at the local dnd club, which is worse in some ways and better in others.
I second making sure your character suits you for your first ones. There's no point in writing a flambuoyant and confident character, and then getting nervous about playing them, and then feeling like you didn't play them "properly", when you could have made a shy and reserved character with a good sense of humour but who's wuite nervous with people until they get to know them.
Don't get caught up on what other people are doing for roleplay, and for heavens sake don't try to compare yourself to the professional voice actors on Critical Role.
Ultimately, provided you're in a good group, it will go well! You'll start by being a bit nervous, but you will soon relax into the game, and will be able to start building your characters personality. You don't have to make all the fluffy stuff before you go - I turned up to my first session with no idea except that dnd was a game I wanted to try, and was given a stock character sheet to a barbarian, and by the end of session 1, "Generic Barbarian #53" had transformed into Thoruk the Duck Slayer, a barbarian who is a bit detached from reality when it comes to ducks. He's my go-to drop-in character for oneshot games and short notice, and he wouldn't exist if I had let my nerves stop me from playing!
Long story short - I've yet to see someone start dnd and do badly. most dnd players will want to encourage you, and help you grow into it!
Good advice so far. I'm going to point out nobody, and I mean nobody, starts out as an amazing roleplayer. If you don't know what to do or say at some point, or feel a bit overwhelmed or out of your depth - really, you're still doing just as well as the next person just starting out. You'd certainly not be doing any worse than myself way back when, for sure. And keep in mind, the game won't rest on your shoulders; no single player is responsible for keeping things going. It's a group thing, and you'll get in a flow once you settle in. If you want some more practical advice, I'll suggest going with a character that supports others. Not to the exclusion of everything else, just a mechanic or two that gives you an easy way to contribute - being able to heal or offer inspiration or guidance is never not going to be useful. Maybe go with a variety of proficiencies and get in the habit of using the Aid action: giving someone advantage can be fantastically helpful, and it's something you can relatively easily turn into a 2-sentence roleplaying bit: "I know a little something about the arcane arts too, I'll help the librarian pick out the more promising tomes for you to study" or "I used to climb trees all the time when I was a kid, I can point out where to put your hands and feet to get up there safely" or "I'll just stand behind you looking menacing while I ostensibly sharpen my knife". Say you want to help, and when the DM asks how you want to do that take a second to think of something. If your mind occasionally goes blank, ok, nothing lost really, and I promise you'll find it will start to come naturally if you keep at it.
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Want to start playing but don't have anyone to play with? You can try these options: [link].
As you mentioned having high anxiety and your potential group being fans of Critical Role, do a little research on Ashly Burch. She is a guest player on their campaigns and suffers from anxiety as well. She has done several interviews about it and how she copes. Sometimes its just nice to read about "professionals" that have similar personality quirks to make you realize that you can do it.
However you manage to get there, just get there. I find that playing a character, once I am comfortable, allows me to just do things and make decision I wouldn't make in real life It is a nice escape from my mental chains.
My first go at d&d was a couple of years back, joining an established group in a campaign that had already gone through several levels.
I didn’t have a clue how to play or what to do.
I joined as a held elf ranger who had never left his forest. If I didn’t understand anything, or felt uncomfortable being part of the planning, I just left it to my characters ignorance. One of the players was my characters “mentor”. So in character I would only ever do anything and everything he told me to do. It helped cover my ignorance, and also led to blatant manipulation by my mentor, mostly for his benefit at my expense. But it worked well. I was basically Sam Gamgee doing whatever Frodo fancied.
What I can suggest since you already know about experience lessening anxiety over time, is the next time the thoughts start running through your head?
Stop yourself from the thinking.
Close your eyes.
Take a few, slow, deep breaths. In through the nose, out the mouth.
Say to yourself in your head "It's going to be okay." Several times. Should be your only thought.
Can even do this mid-session. Just relax yourself. Be at ease. Nobody is expecting anything of you, it's going to be okay. There's no easy fix for anxiety. However, running rapid, complex thoughts through your head only exacerbates the issue. Even what you wrote is so incredibly complex and detailed I can see the anxiety for myself.
Honestly and for your character in this type of setting? Just keep it simple. One focus, maybe one personality archetype you're interested in, done. Play that. Develop their character **as** you play, not writing a novel before the first session. You don't need to rapidly think of hilariously funny, witty responses. and you can probably already laugh off a silly near-death battle encounter out-of-character Just simply say what you wanna say to the point. That is that :).
This right here is one of the best things you can do. One tip that helped me get away from the anxiety was just remember that I am playing a character and others are too. If you trust the group then there is nothing to fear. If there are still some crazy concerns, which of course there will be it takes time, then talk to your DM and ask if you can start by just talking about what you want your character do vs acting it out. It will get better with time. Stay positive and enjoy the ride!
One thing that helps me, when I'm dealing with fear and anxiety over a new situation, is to remind myself of the other new situations I've managed to deal with in the past. The "what will I think of this six months later, when it's old hat and I dun did it?" method. I don't know if it might work for you, but the Six Months Later reminder has helped me get through some pretty awful times. It's the only reason I own* a house right now. You acknowledge that the start is gonna be terrible and you're gonna have issues, but remind yourself as constantly as you need to that it'll get better.
Your partner should be glad to help with things like character creation too, it can be a big boon in a new game to have someone you know you can bounce off of. Coordinate your character build with your partner's and you'll have a built-in springboard to roleplay off of with someone you know you can trust. Use that as your wedge to get in, and remember - six months from now, you'll be so glad you pushed through the pain and horrible anxiety to get into this great new hobby, ne?
I would not worry about being good at roleplay. Everyone starts somewhere. I would focus on doing what is easy and/or fun for you.
If it helps to ease your anxiety, you can click on the link in my signature about D&D with high school students to see how new players are typically like for their first D&D experience. As ThorukDuckSlayer has said, do not compare yourself to professional voice actors on Critical Role; there is a pretty big difference between playing for yourselves and putting on a show for millions to watch. You may also want to try practicing roleplaying with your partner if you think your anxiety may be partly stemming from inexperience.
As for anxiety stemming from meeting strangers, I am like that too, and the only way I know how to get rid of that effectively is to get to know them better and not be strangers. For me at least, the easiest way is to get them to talk about themselves like asking what their interests, hobbies, favorite things, and so on are. In the context of D&D, you can roleplay your character to ask other characters to introduce and talk about themselves. That way, not only do you get to know your adventurers and players better, you can also emulate what other players doing.
Some of the advice seems to focus on relaxation techniques that are useful in any anxious moment, which in your case seems to be part social but part performative, what some may call stage fright.
The best thing, I feel, any player can do coming to a table is a willingness to fail, and fail badly. The role playing side of things, the table's an ensemble and if it's good natured the players more rooted in the game will carry water for you. If you stick your foot in it at some point, someone may point it out and you and the table can have a laugh about it, and that's really the point to a lot of D&D. The flawless performances are rarely the ones that people make bonding memories of. It's the "wait, what?" moments where things go south that the groups tend to bring up and make it part of the tables' "their story."
So your early role playing will be bad, and your table should love you for it. The other part of the occasion is that you will roll badly at some point, and you need to be ready willing and able to roll with it. Again flawless execution expedites the game. But playing triggered catastrophe or setbacks are the moments that allow the table to collectively find fixes for things.
Ask for help. I can't think a person at any of my games wouldn't be flattered and helpful if a new player sat with us and said at the outset, "You know thanks for letting me play with you all. This is new to me, I've done what I can to understand my sheet and my story and the rules, I'm a little nervous thought, but mostly I'm excited to learn how this all comes together." Being honest about your playing experience level commensurate to the rest of the table pretty much obligates them to be aware of that and see the early sessions as opportunities to introduce you to the game. No one expects "masterful" play, whatever that is, on your first time. Be willing to laugh at yourself, ask questions, and that earnestness ideally should reflect in the rest of the table bringing their best to you.
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Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
if anyone is up for it i would like to start a no stress casual play by post
You'll need to make your own thread for that over in the play-by-post section.
Start by advertising the play by post game you want to make in the "Looking for Players" forums, and then when you have the players, start up the thread in Play by Post (you can start it earlier if you want to get the details in). Best of luck with it!
Thank you all for the stories, kind words, and methods of trying to cope. It's all very helpful and I wish I had a better word for it cause to word it like that sounds so casual and dismissive. Really, thank you!!! I know I have a lot of issues that revolve around stage fright, compare and despair moment, and with a fair amount of imposter syndrome... etc. I have a super hard time laughing at myself, my expectations for myself are too high and most folks hit that right on the head with their advice... heh... thanks. Really. There is something calming about being reminded it's all there and it's not stopped me yet, here I am still trying to move forward. If I didn't want to move forward I wouldn't be posting here trying to get help to do so... etc. Ya know?
I wanna get to the point where I can do artwork for the whole group, I've already drawn my partner's character and her mother's; I want those silly stories that I hear about, I wanna experience the things my parents and her parents always talk about with critical fails and/or impressive coup de grace! I do very much want these experiences!
Thank you all for letting me vent, for sharing, for getting things off my chest, and for supplying ammunition against bad internal voices.
Not an anxious player myself, but I have DMed for a lot of anxious players. Coming from that perspective, I would recommend you let your DM know you are relatively inexperienced with roleplaying in this kind of setting. It sounds like your DM is fairly experienced in the game and might have tried their hand at DMing before. Any experienced player, especially an experienced DM, is going to understand first-time jitters and will work with you to make your experience as comfortable as possible.
One common example--the DM can make sure that there are situations your character is uniquely situated to handle. Checks that involve your particular set of proficiencies or class; events related to your backstory. Things that make sure you have your time in the spotlight, even if you are having difficulty claiming it.
Additionally, do not be afraid to tell your DM if you are having a problem in the campaign or with another player. As DMs, we would much rather have a player tell us about problems--even if their problems are with us--than for the player to suffer silently and not enjoy the campaign.
Remember, the DM's job is to make sure you are having fun--any halfway competent DM is going to do what they can to help you, but they can only help you if they know what the problems are.
Thank you all for the stories, kind words, and methods of trying to cope. It's all very helpful and I wish I had a better word for it cause to word it like that sounds so casual and dismissive. Really, thank you!!! I know I have a lot of issues that revolve around stage fright, compare and despair moment, and with a fair amount of imposter syndrome... etc. I have a super hard time laughing at myself, my expectations for myself are too high and most folks hit that right on the head with their advice... heh... thanks. Really. There is something calming about being reminded it's all there and it's not stopped me yet, here I am still trying to move forward. If I didn't want to move forward I wouldn't be posting here trying to get help to do so... etc. Ya know?
I wanna get to the point where I can do artwork for the whole group, I've already drawn my partner's character and her mother's; I want those silly stories that I hear about, I wanna experience the things my parents and her parents always talk about with critical fails and/or impressive coup de grace! I do very much want these experiences!
Thank you all for letting me vent, for sharing, for getting things off my chest, and for supplying ammunition against bad internal voices.
I'm glad we can help!
As for stage fright, bear in mind that there will never be a moment where everyone expects you to step up and roleplay - only you can decide when it's time for your character to come out of their shell, so you can decide when you're ready for them to do so! It's not like you're stood on stage as the curtain whips back, it's like you're in the crowd, deciding whether to sing along.
I just want to add here that being "an amazing roleplayer" doesn't necessarily mean you do a cool voice or speak in-character or come up with witty one-liners. Roleplaying at its heart is making choices that your character would make. That's it.
You don't have to speak in first person to do that.
You don't have to have a special voice or body language to do that.
A lot of advice here is really good, but it's still angled towards the idea that ultimately your goal should be to be a great performer. I don't think that goal is necessary or ideal for every type of player. Your goal is to have fun. Don't worry about everyone else's fun, you're not responsible for that.
Keep in mind that Critical Role is doing two things at once. They're playing D&D but they're also putting on a show interesting enough for spectators to watch. You only need to do the first part. Your job is just to play your character, not to entertain the table. They are all playing as well and already having fun so don't worry about it.
I would suggest playing to your strengths, you know you like role playing and you are comfortable with one on one, perhaps the backstory for your character could be that they've only ever had one person to talk to, maybe they are also anxious, which would enable you to easily roleplay feelings that you're already having, only exaggerating them for your characters purposes.
If you are scared of saying the wrong thing just remember that everyone is acting and also focusing on their own in character actions and reactions, saying the wrong thing could be a character quirk something that is intrinsic and expected and therefore makes the roleplaying more deep and fruitful. Personally I love playing characters that are built to fail in social situations, it takes the pressure off me as a player and also lends itself to a learning curve where, as the game progresses you and your character learn how to better socialise with the other player characters.
The last piece of advice would be, if you can have a backstory with another pc then do that, you can do a little one on one roleplay to build a mutual backstory and together create big life events that influence your characters attitudes and actions when the campaign begins, then once it does you already have a confidant in the campaign that you can rely on for RP moments that make you comfortable in the middle of the group to moments, or if you feel you have done something wrong, it also gives you an in character pc who has your back and can either back you up or make excuses on your behalf without derailing the flow of the narrative (not that I think anxious players ever do that)
Overall I think the anxieties you may have lend themselves to a better character, one with flaws and ways to do and be better, if you make a mistake then you make room to improve and grow in your character as a player. No-one makes the perfect character and then plays them perfectly, if they did it would be very boring to interact with them in character.
The title says it all really.
I enjoy Roleplaying, A lot; I've done it in every MMO I've played from Runescape to WoW to FFXIV and every odd game in between since then... but it's always just been one on one mostly.
My Parents ALWAYS would share the stories of their D&D campaigns with me when I was growing up and sometimes I just watched their games. My partner's father is starting a D&D campaign as DM, they are all super big Critical Role fans and everyone is really excited to get started as the campaign is slowly being built. It's all super casual, full of new people who've never played D&D, it couldn't be a more open and welcoming experience... and yet I think about building this character and joining them and I am surprisingly stricken with fear about everything from performing badly and saying something stupid... to just being bland and even getting worked up to the point of crying sometimes. It's the same crippling fear as the idea of public speaking and I know 100% that if I just get started and I start getting comfortable with it... I'll be ok! I just can't shake this inhibition and it's keeping me from progressing forward with any sort of character building and keeps making me talk myself out of joining.
I don't know if it's cause I wanna impress my partner and her father, I don't know if it's because I'm just a naturally anxious person. I don't know if it's cause I'll be with a lot of folks I don't know. I don't know if it's cause I'm afraid I'll make up a stupid character.... or it's just a conglomerate of all those things into one?!
Any other anxious players out there? Any who started out anxious but now really enjoy themselves? Any advice on telling anxiety how to shut the heck up? Any advice at all for someone who has played little to no REAL D&D/PAthfinder/Rogue Legacy campaigns for more than 2 sessions...?
What I can suggest since you already know about experience lessening anxiety over time, is the next time the thoughts start running through your head?
Stop yourself from the thinking.
Close your eyes.
Take a few, slow, deep breaths. In through the nose, out the mouth.
Say to yourself in your head "It's going to be okay." Several times. Should be your only thought.
Can even do this mid-session. Just relax yourself. Be at ease. Nobody is expecting anything of you, it's going to be okay.
There's no easy fix for anxiety. However, running rapid, complex thoughts through your head only exacerbates the issue. Even what you wrote is so incredibly complex and detailed I can see the anxiety for myself.
Honestly and for your character in this type of setting? Just keep it simple. One focus, maybe one personality archetype you're interested in, done. Play that. Develop their character **as** you play, not writing a novel before the first session. You don't need to rapidly think of hilariously funny, witty responses. and you can probably already laugh off a silly near-death battle encounter out-of-character Just simply say what you wanna say to the point. That is that :).
I think this is simply a fear of the unknown. Simple, but not easy to conquer. I have anxiety about it all the time. I'm autistic, I rehearse conversations to cover all my bases and not get caught off-guard, but many things in life end up doing so anyway. The same with my weekly D&D session: I imagine how my character's going to react to certain circumstances (which, I won't lie, has been helped by reading the module first), and then players or our DM decides to do something I could never predict because I'm not in their shoes, and I'm only the main character of my story.
If you're unsure about speaking up, that's understandable, so don't speak until you're ready. Make the first step of simply getting into the game. That's the hardest part, and I should know: I've been reading D&D materials for about 4 years before I bit the bullet and found the Discord server that I'm always itching to play with. And like the unpredictability of those players, you can't know just how overwhelmingly supportive they will be. Partly because they would like the game to progress, sure, but we're talking about your partner and their dad. They're not going to give you grief because of a game you're new to.
Make the effort to turn up, and make a character that you're comfortable with playing. Never mind the stats, never mind the class. If you start out with a shy character, your development will be their development, and that's far more noticeable and welcome to a party's hearthfire stories than gear and an ability score increase. Nine sessions in and I'm only just using a bad Brum accent and telling jokes people remember.
Knowing what I do about D&D, the less you know about it, the sooner you dive in head-first without thinking, the better it is. If you agonise over stats, mechanics, lore, crunch and fluff, you ironically become more distant from it and find more excuses to stay away. Experience is the best teacher, and I think you've got some fair, understanding teachers, a blessing for the community as a whole.
I wish you luck, and I hope you'll have such a good time you'll forget how to tell us how it's going. ^^
Zero is the most important number in D&D: Session Zero sets the boundaries and the tone; Rule Zero dictates the Dungeon Master (DM) is the final arbiter; and Zero D&D is better than Bad D&D.
"Let us speak plainly now, and in earnest, for words mean little without the weight of conviction."
- The Assemblage of Houses, World of Warcraft
I was very nervous the first time I played. I was also playing with people I'd never met, at an open day at the local dnd club, which is worse in some ways and better in others.
I second making sure your character suits you for your first ones. There's no point in writing a flambuoyant and confident character, and then getting nervous about playing them, and then feeling like you didn't play them "properly", when you could have made a shy and reserved character with a good sense of humour but who's wuite nervous with people until they get to know them.
Don't get caught up on what other people are doing for roleplay, and for heavens sake don't try to compare yourself to the professional voice actors on Critical Role.
Ultimately, provided you're in a good group, it will go well! You'll start by being a bit nervous, but you will soon relax into the game, and will be able to start building your characters personality. You don't have to make all the fluffy stuff before you go - I turned up to my first session with no idea except that dnd was a game I wanted to try, and was given a stock character sheet to a barbarian, and by the end of session 1, "Generic Barbarian #53" had transformed into Thoruk the Duck Slayer, a barbarian who is a bit detached from reality when it comes to ducks. He's my go-to drop-in character for oneshot games and short notice, and he wouldn't exist if I had let my nerves stop me from playing!
Long story short - I've yet to see someone start dnd and do badly. most dnd players will want to encourage you, and help you grow into it!
So go for it - it will be great!
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Good advice so far. I'm going to point out nobody, and I mean nobody, starts out as an amazing roleplayer. If you don't know what to do or say at some point, or feel a bit overwhelmed or out of your depth - really, you're still doing just as well as the next person just starting out. You'd certainly not be doing any worse than myself way back when, for sure. And keep in mind, the game won't rest on your shoulders; no single player is responsible for keeping things going. It's a group thing, and you'll get in a flow once you settle in. If you want some more practical advice, I'll suggest going with a character that supports others. Not to the exclusion of everything else, just a mechanic or two that gives you an easy way to contribute - being able to heal or offer inspiration or guidance is never not going to be useful. Maybe go with a variety of proficiencies and get in the habit of using the Aid action: giving someone advantage can be fantastically helpful, and it's something you can relatively easily turn into a 2-sentence roleplaying bit: "I know a little something about the arcane arts too, I'll help the librarian pick out the more promising tomes for you to study" or "I used to climb trees all the time when I was a kid, I can point out where to put your hands and feet to get up there safely" or "I'll just stand behind you looking menacing while I ostensibly sharpen my knife". Say you want to help, and when the DM asks how you want to do that take a second to think of something. If your mind occasionally goes blank, ok, nothing lost really, and I promise you'll find it will start to come naturally if you keep at it.
Want to start playing but don't have anyone to play with? You can try these options: [link].
As you mentioned having high anxiety and your potential group being fans of Critical Role, do a little research on Ashly Burch. She is a guest player on their campaigns and suffers from anxiety as well. She has done several interviews about it and how she copes. Sometimes its just nice to read about "professionals" that have similar personality quirks to make you realize that you can do it.
However you manage to get there, just get there. I find that playing a character, once I am comfortable, allows me to just do things and make decision I wouldn't make in real life It is a nice escape from my mental chains.
My first go at d&d was a couple of years back, joining an established group in a campaign that had already gone through several levels.
I didn’t have a clue how to play or what to do.
I joined as a held elf ranger who had never left his forest. If I didn’t understand anything, or felt uncomfortable being part of the planning, I just left it to my characters ignorance. One of the players was my characters “mentor”. So in character I would only ever do anything and everything he told me to do. It helped cover my ignorance, and also led to blatant manipulation by my mentor, mostly for his benefit at my expense. But it worked well. I was basically Sam Gamgee doing whatever Frodo fancied.
This right here is one of the best things you can do. One tip that helped me get away from the anxiety was just remember that I am playing a character and others are too. If you trust the group then there is nothing to fear. If there are still some crazy concerns, which of course there will be it takes time, then talk to your DM and ask if you can start by just talking about what you want your character do vs acting it out. It will get better with time. Stay positive and enjoy the ride!
One thing that helps me, when I'm dealing with fear and anxiety over a new situation, is to remind myself of the other new situations I've managed to deal with in the past. The "what will I think of this six months later, when it's old hat and I dun did it?" method. I don't know if it might work for you, but the Six Months Later reminder has helped me get through some pretty awful times. It's the only reason I own* a house right now. You acknowledge that the start is gonna be terrible and you're gonna have issues, but remind yourself as constantly as you need to that it'll get better.
Your partner should be glad to help with things like character creation too, it can be a big boon in a new game to have someone you know you can bounce off of. Coordinate your character build with your partner's and you'll have a built-in springboard to roleplay off of with someone you know you can trust. Use that as your wedge to get in, and remember - six months from now, you'll be so glad you pushed through the pain and horrible anxiety to get into this great new hobby, ne?
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I would not worry about being good at roleplay. Everyone starts somewhere. I would focus on doing what is easy and/or fun for you.
If it helps to ease your anxiety, you can click on the link in my signature about D&D with high school students to see how new players are typically like for their first D&D experience. As ThorukDuckSlayer has said, do not compare yourself to professional voice actors on Critical Role; there is a pretty big difference between playing for yourselves and putting on a show for millions to watch. You may also want to try practicing roleplaying with your partner if you think your anxiety may be partly stemming from inexperience.
As for anxiety stemming from meeting strangers, I am like that too, and the only way I know how to get rid of that effectively is to get to know them better and not be strangers. For me at least, the easiest way is to get them to talk about themselves like asking what their interests, hobbies, favorite things, and so on are. In the context of D&D, you can roleplay your character to ask other characters to introduce and talk about themselves. That way, not only do you get to know your adventurers and players better, you can also emulate what other players doing.
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Running the Game by Matt Colville; Introduction: < https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e-YZvLUXcR8 >
D&D with High School Students by Bill Allen; Season 1 Episode 1: < https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=52NJTUDokyk&t >
Some of the advice seems to focus on relaxation techniques that are useful in any anxious moment, which in your case seems to be part social but part performative, what some may call stage fright.
The best thing, I feel, any player can do coming to a table is a willingness to fail, and fail badly. The role playing side of things, the table's an ensemble and if it's good natured the players more rooted in the game will carry water for you. If you stick your foot in it at some point, someone may point it out and you and the table can have a laugh about it, and that's really the point to a lot of D&D. The flawless performances are rarely the ones that people make bonding memories of. It's the "wait, what?" moments where things go south that the groups tend to bring up and make it part of the tables' "their story."
So your early role playing will be bad, and your table should love you for it. The other part of the occasion is that you will roll badly at some point, and you need to be ready willing and able to roll with it. Again flawless execution expedites the game. But playing triggered catastrophe or setbacks are the moments that allow the table to collectively find fixes for things.
Ask for help. I can't think a person at any of my games wouldn't be flattered and helpful if a new player sat with us and said at the outset, "You know thanks for letting me play with you all. This is new to me, I've done what I can to understand my sheet and my story and the rules, I'm a little nervous thought, but mostly I'm excited to learn how this all comes together." Being honest about your playing experience level commensurate to the rest of the table pretty much obligates them to be aware of that and see the early sessions as opportunities to introduce you to the game. No one expects "masterful" play, whatever that is, on your first time. Be willing to laugh at yourself, ask questions, and that earnestness ideally should reflect in the rest of the table bringing their best to you.
Jander Sunstar is the thinking person's Drizzt, fight me.
hi
if anyone is up for it i would like to start a no stress casual play by post
You'll need to make your own thread for that over in the play-by-post section.
Start by advertising the play by post game you want to make in the "Looking for Players" forums, and then when you have the players, start up the thread in Play by Post (you can start it earlier if you want to get the details in). Best of luck with it!
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
Thank you all for the stories, kind words, and methods of trying to cope. It's all very helpful and I wish I had a better word for it cause to word it like that sounds so casual and dismissive. Really, thank you!!! I know I have a lot of issues that revolve around stage fright, compare and despair moment, and with a fair amount of imposter syndrome... etc. I have a super hard time laughing at myself, my expectations for myself are too high and most folks hit that right on the head with their advice... heh... thanks. Really. There is something calming about being reminded it's all there and it's not stopped me yet, here I am still trying to move forward. If I didn't want to move forward I wouldn't be posting here trying to get help to do so... etc. Ya know?
I wanna get to the point where I can do artwork for the whole group, I've already drawn my partner's character and her mother's; I want those silly stories that I hear about, I wanna experience the things my parents and her parents always talk about with critical fails and/or impressive coup de grace! I do very much want these experiences!
Thank you all for letting me vent, for sharing, for getting things off my chest, and for supplying ammunition against bad internal voices.
Not an anxious player myself, but I have DMed for a lot of anxious players. Coming from that perspective, I would recommend you let your DM know you are relatively inexperienced with roleplaying in this kind of setting. It sounds like your DM is fairly experienced in the game and might have tried their hand at DMing before. Any experienced player, especially an experienced DM, is going to understand first-time jitters and will work with you to make your experience as comfortable as possible.
One common example--the DM can make sure that there are situations your character is uniquely situated to handle. Checks that involve your particular set of proficiencies or class; events related to your backstory. Things that make sure you have your time in the spotlight, even if you are having difficulty claiming it.
Additionally, do not be afraid to tell your DM if you are having a problem in the campaign or with another player. As DMs, we would much rather have a player tell us about problems--even if their problems are with us--than for the player to suffer silently and not enjoy the campaign.
Remember, the DM's job is to make sure you are having fun--any halfway competent DM is going to do what they can to help you, but they can only help you if they know what the problems are.
I'm glad we can help!
As for stage fright, bear in mind that there will never be a moment where everyone expects you to step up and roleplay - only you can decide when it's time for your character to come out of their shell, so you can decide when you're ready for them to do so! It's not like you're stood on stage as the curtain whips back, it's like you're in the crowd, deciding whether to sing along.
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
DM's Guild Releases on This Thread Or check them all out on DMs Guild!
DrivethruRPG Releases on This Thread - latest release: My Character is a Werewolf: balanced rules for Lycanthropy!
I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
I just want to add here that being "an amazing roleplayer" doesn't necessarily mean you do a cool voice or speak in-character or come up with witty one-liners. Roleplaying at its heart is making choices that your character would make. That's it.
You don't have to speak in first person to do that.
You don't have to have a special voice or body language to do that.
A lot of advice here is really good, but it's still angled towards the idea that ultimately your goal should be to be a great performer. I don't think that goal is necessary or ideal for every type of player. Your goal is to have fun. Don't worry about everyone else's fun, you're not responsible for that.
Keep in mind that Critical Role is doing two things at once. They're playing D&D but they're also putting on a show interesting enough for spectators to watch. You only need to do the first part. Your job is just to play your character, not to entertain the table. They are all playing as well and already having fun so don't worry about it.
My homebrew subclasses (full list here)
(Artificer) Swordmage | Glasswright | (Barbarian) Path of the Savage Embrace
(Bard) College of Dance | (Fighter) Warlord | Cannoneer
(Monk) Way of the Elements | (Ranger) Blade Dancer
(Rogue) DaggerMaster | Inquisitor | (Sorcerer) Riftwalker | Spellfist
(Warlock) The Swarm
I would suggest playing to your strengths, you know you like role playing and you are comfortable with one on one, perhaps the backstory for your character could be that they've only ever had one person to talk to, maybe they are also anxious, which would enable you to easily roleplay feelings that you're already having, only exaggerating them for your characters purposes.
If you are scared of saying the wrong thing just remember that everyone is acting and also focusing on their own in character actions and reactions, saying the wrong thing could be a character quirk something that is intrinsic and expected and therefore makes the roleplaying more deep and fruitful. Personally I love playing characters that are built to fail in social situations, it takes the pressure off me as a player and also lends itself to a learning curve where, as the game progresses you and your character learn how to better socialise with the other player characters.
The last piece of advice would be, if you can have a backstory with another pc then do that, you can do a little one on one roleplay to build a mutual backstory and together create big life events that influence your characters attitudes and actions when the campaign begins, then once it does you already have a confidant in the campaign that you can rely on for RP moments that make you comfortable in the middle of the group to moments, or if you feel you have done something wrong, it also gives you an in character pc who has your back and can either back you up or make excuses on your behalf without derailing the flow of the narrative (not that I think anxious players ever do that)
Overall I think the anxieties you may have lend themselves to a better character, one with flaws and ways to do and be better, if you make a mistake then you make room to improve and grow in your character as a player. No-one makes the perfect character and then plays them perfectly, if they did it would be very boring to interact with them in character.