Hi! Im a dm that needs help. One of my players (player 1) is being very rude and saying that another players character is selfish and rude. Player 2 has talked to me about it many times and usually i try to ask the mean player to be nicer and think about how she can be kind. But every time i talk to her (player 1) she says that she will not be so mean, than 2 sessions later says more mean things. At this point, player one says he is fed up and does not want to play in the campaign anymore. I'm not sure what to do...
If you have any suggestions, please tell me. i have spent a lot of time and work on this campaign and do not want to end it.
Is it the players that are being rude to each other, or the characters that are being rude to each other?
If it's the characters, that's a much easier fix than if its the players. If the characters, then you have an out-of-character talk with the players and tell them they need to adjust their character's behavior, and tell them up front that are not allowed to use the phrase "but that's What my character would do."
If its the players, and they just seem to rub each other the wrong way. That gets sticky. If they can't at least be civil to each other, then you basically have to choose which one you want to continue to game with and boot the other from the group. I know that's harsh, but 9 times out of 10 that will be the end result anyway. It's better to just rip off the band aid and save yourself the headaches of trying to force them to get along.
In line with Penelope and Sposta: we need more details to go on, especially what is being thought of as "mean" - this has considerable room for subjectivity here. If you're playing online and they are from different places then there could be a culture factor. As an anecdotal example: on these and other forums largely frequently by Americans, I have received a few infractions for flaming /hostility for things that are considered polite and normal where I live. This is because social etiquette and expectation is different. It could also be a case of P2 being offended at a small thing most others would find funny. Or P1 is being super-psycho-nasty towards P2. Without more specifics there are way too many variables to factor for giving you any helpful advice.
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Is it the players that are being rude to each other, or the characters that are being rude to each other?
If it's the characters, that's a much easier fix than if its the players. If the characters, then you have an out-of-character talk with the players and tell them they need to adjust their character's behavior, and tell them up front that are not allowed to use the phrase "but that's What my character would do."
If its the players, and they just seem to rub each other the wrong way. That gets sticky. If they can't at least be civil to each other, then you basically have to choose which one you want to continue to game with and boot the other from the group. I know that's harsh, but 9 times out of 10 that will be the end result anyway. It's better to just rip off the band aid and save yourself the headaches of trying to force them to get along.
What things are P2 doing that P1 objects to, and what things are P1 saying that are so “mean” that P2 wants to leave?
P1 said that P2 is saying things that there character would not do, and the "mean" things are calling his character names, saying that his character does not contripute to the party during combat, and other rude comments.
It may just get to a point that you'll just have to ask P2 to stick it for a bit and let P1 know that if the attitude does not change then they will need to find another table.
D&D is a game where everyone at the table should be having fun. If one person is going out of their way to make things miserable for another person then that first person either has to get over themselves and their issues or be asked to leave since they're hurting the game and the group.
P1 has been given warnings, repeatedly, based on what you've said. Being asked to leave the group for repeatedly failing to change their behavior is a natural consequence. It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy. That's just equality at work.
Sounds pretty cut and dry. Tell player 1 they need to stop being a jerk, and if they don’t, they won’t be able to play with your group anymore. Don’t be cute. Be very blunt and clear and say it in a way that can’t be misinterpreted. If you’re like most people It will not be easy for you, but it’s way better to be firm once then try to be nice a dozen times and they don’t get it, and you end up in the same place. Then, either the person will shape up, or they won’t. But you need to stick to what you say and kick them if necessary.
I think you may be at the point where this needs to be addressed as it happens at the table. As soon as P1 starts being rude or unpleasant, you need to step in as DM and tell P1 to stop. If you have to do this repeatedly, it will be time as Beardsinger said, to tell the person to cut it out or leave the table. You do not get to make other people miserable at the table -- P1 needs to learn this. Cut it out or get out.
This will not be pleasant, You just have to deal with it as DM. It's probably the worst aspect of our jobs.
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Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
What things are P2 doing that P1 objects to, and what things are P1 saying that are so “mean” that P2 wants to leave?
P1 said that P2 is saying things that there character would not do, and the "mean" things are calling his character names, saying that his character does not contripute to the party during combat, and other rude comments.
You said P2 is right. And you are saying P1 is telling P2 how to play their character, calling them names, saying they are useless in combat. Is P2 contributing to combat? At least how their character should? Are they playing in character in a manner you think is appropriate?
Some characters are better at direct combat while others provide support with little or no damage. could very well be different play styles not meshing together.
But I agree, if you believe P2 is in the right and P1 is causing the issue then tell them they need to correct their behavior or leave the table.
P1 said that P2 is saying things that there character would not do, and the "mean" things are calling his character names, saying that his character does not contripute to the party during combat, and other rude comments.
Wait - is player 1's character RIGHT about player 2's character? If player 2 IS actually doing those things (saying that his character is not helping in a fight) the other characters are entitled to complain about it. If character 2 is using 'its what my character would do' to avoid helping, that's player 2's fault and other characters are right to be annoyed and tell them to with help out or piss off.
Or an I misreading that?
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It isn't pleasant but you are pretty much in the Red Zone. Player 2 is ready to walk. You have to get Player 1 to stop or Player 2 walks. If Player 2 walks, the rest of the table knows that Player 1 is the boss of the table. Nobody gets to tell Player 2 they can't walk, not even the DM, so everyone at the table has a stake in the outcome of this situation. I hope the issue is clear to everyone. This needs to be owned by everyone, not just the DM and Player 1. The DM might be the chairman, but the whole group has a dog in this fight.
How many players are there at the table? Could there be a group intervention?
I don't see any choice but to lay all the cards on the table as the next session begins. "Player 1, you have not been considerate to Player 2. Player 2 gets to decide how to play PC2. If you think it could be done better or different, then you'll have to figure out how to talk about this amicably. Player 2 is ready to leave the group (not the campaign, the group). We are not going to continue the campaign if Player 2 punts. Would you like to think about this a moment and talk to Player 2 about it?"
Assuming this brings about another temporary change in behavior, you will have to be prepared to "nip it in the bud" the next time the first thing is said that returns to the original pattern.
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It isn't pleasant but you are pretty much in the Red Zone. Player 2 is ready to walk. You have to get Player 1 to stop or Player 2 walks. If Player 2 walks, the rest of the table knows that Player 1 is the boss of the table.
Beyond that... Unless the situation can somehow be defused, since Player 2 is ready to walk, and Player 1 may have to be asked to leave the table (or may leave in a huff if you try to lay down the law)... you are sort of faced with a situation in which either P1 or P2 is going to leave the table. One of these players is being mean, and the other is not. I know which one I'd want to keep, if forced to make such a choice.
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WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
What things are P2 doing that P1 objects to, and what things are P1 saying that are so “mean” that P2 wants to leave?
P1 said that P2 is saying things that there character would not do, and the "mean" things are calling his character names, saying that his character does not contripute to the party during combat, and other rude comments.
Ok so is player 2 like running away always during combat, or is player 1 a minmaxer of sorts who wants players to be “playing optimally”. If player 2 is running away during combat, then I could see the frustration. If not, then player 1 is a problem. If player 1 is just a power gamer/minmaxer who wants people to “play optimally” and is bullying player 2 because of that then you should ask player 1 to get their act up or leave, and tell player 2 to stay and say that 1 may be kicked if continuing bad behavior. If player 2 is just running away during combat, talk to both players. Tell 1 to stop being mean then, and 2 to not run away if that is the situation.
I need more information about what is going on but that is my thoughts and what I think is going on based off of what you said.
If you’re certain that player 1 is causing the problem and player 2 is not at fault, you need to tell player 1 that if she keeps being mean to player 2 OOC you’ll ask her to leave the group.
This could be a problem if player 1 is more popular than player 2 irl, but hopefully that isn’t the case.
What things are P2 doing that P1 objects to, and what things are P1 saying that are so “mean” that P2 wants to leave?
P1 said that P2 is saying things that there character would not do, and the "mean" things are calling his character names, saying that his character does not contripute to the party during combat, and other rude comments.
Ok so is player 2 like running away always during combat, or is player 1 a minmaxer of sorts who wants players to be “playing optimally”. If player 2 is running away during combat, then I could see the frustration. If not, then player 1 is a problem. If player 1 is just a power gamer/minmaxer who wants people to “play optimally” and is bullying player 2 because of that then you should ask player 1 to get their act up or leave, and tell player 2 to stay and say that 1 may be kicked if continuing bad behavior. If player 2 is just running away during combat, talk to both players. Tell 1 to stop being mean then, and 2 to not run away if that is the situation.
I need more information about what is going on but that is my thoughts and what I think is going on based off of what you said.
player 1 is a bit of a min maxer but not really. player 2 does not run away, they just use unique creative things instead of just casting a spell or attacking, and somtimes it does not help the party and is just for fun
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Hi! Im a dm that needs help. One of my players (player 1) is being very rude and saying that another players character is selfish and rude. Player 2 has talked to me about it many times and usually i try to ask the mean player to be nicer and think about how she can be kind. But every time i talk to her (player 1) she says that she will not be so mean, than 2 sessions later says more mean things. At this point, player one says he is fed up and does not want to play in the campaign anymore. I'm not sure what to do...
If you have any suggestions, please tell me. i have spent a lot of time and work on this campaign and do not want to end it.
my players are level 8
im a tad bit fruity
Who is right? Player 1 (the girl) or player 2 (the guy)?
It’s possible that player 2 actually IS being selfish and rude in character.
Also, are they exes? Is one of them crushing on the other?
What things are P2 doing that P1 objects to, and what things are P1 saying that are so “mean” that P2 wants to leave?
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Is it the players that are being rude to each other, or the characters that are being rude to each other?
If it's the characters, that's a much easier fix than if its the players. If the characters, then you have an out-of-character talk with the players and tell them they need to adjust their character's behavior, and tell them up front that are not allowed to use the phrase "but that's What my character would do."
If its the players, and they just seem to rub each other the wrong way. That gets sticky. If they can't at least be civil to each other, then you basically have to choose which one you want to continue to game with and boot the other from the group. I know that's harsh, but 9 times out of 10 that will be the end result anyway. It's better to just rip off the band aid and save yourself the headaches of trying to force them to get along.
In line with Penelope and Sposta: we need more details to go on, especially what is being thought of as "mean" - this has considerable room for subjectivity here. If you're playing online and they are from different places then there could be a culture factor. As an anecdotal example: on these and other forums largely frequently by Americans, I have received a few infractions for flaming /hostility for things that are considered polite and normal where I live. This is because social etiquette and expectation is different. It could also be a case of P2 being offended at a small thing most others would find funny. Or P1 is being super-psycho-nasty towards P2. Without more specifics there are way too many variables to factor for giving you any helpful advice.
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its the players being mean.
im a tad bit fruity
Player 2 is right, they definitely don't have crushes on each other, and i don't think player 2 is being rude.
im a tad bit fruity
P1 said that P2 is saying things that there character would not do, and the "mean" things are calling his character names, saying that his character does not contripute to the party during combat, and other rude comments.
im a tad bit fruity
It may just get to a point that you'll just have to ask P2 to stick it for a bit and let P1 know that if the attitude does not change then they will need to find another table.
D&D is a game where everyone at the table should be having fun. If one person is going out of their way to make things miserable for another person then that first person either has to get over themselves and their issues or be asked to leave since they're hurting the game and the group.
P1 has been given warnings, repeatedly, based on what you've said. Being asked to leave the group for repeatedly failing to change their behavior is a natural consequence. It doesn't matter if it's a girl or a boy. That's just equality at work.
Sounds pretty cut and dry. Tell player 1 they need to stop being a jerk, and if they don’t, they won’t be able to play with your group anymore. Don’t be cute. Be very blunt and clear and say it in a way that can’t be misinterpreted. If you’re like most people It will not be easy for you, but it’s way better to be firm once then try to be nice a dozen times and they don’t get it, and you end up in the same place.
Then, either the person will shape up, or they won’t. But you need to stick to what you say and kick them if necessary.
Are your players very young? As much as I hate to say it, sounds like you need to tell player 1 to stop causing trouble or leave.
I think you may be at the point where this needs to be addressed as it happens at the table. As soon as P1 starts being rude or unpleasant, you need to step in as DM and tell P1 to stop. If you have to do this repeatedly, it will be time as Beardsinger said, to tell the person to cut it out or leave the table. You do not get to make other people miserable at the table -- P1 needs to learn this. Cut it out or get out.
This will not be pleasant, You just have to deal with it as DM. It's probably the worst aspect of our jobs.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
You said P2 is right. And you are saying P1 is telling P2 how to play their character, calling them names, saying they are useless in combat. Is P2 contributing to combat? At least how their character should? Are they playing in character in a manner you think is appropriate?
Some characters are better at direct combat while others provide support with little or no damage.
could very well be different play styles not meshing together.
But I agree, if you believe P2 is in the right and P1 is causing the issue then tell them they need to correct their behavior or leave the table.
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Wait - is player 1's character RIGHT about player 2's character? If player 2 IS actually doing those things (saying that his character is not helping in a fight) the other characters are entitled to complain about it. If character 2 is using 'its what my character would do' to avoid helping, that's player 2's fault and other characters are right to be annoyed and tell them to with help out or piss off.
Or an I misreading that?
I Cancelled my Master Tier Subscription January 12th 2023 because of "OGL" 1.1 - Resubscribed 28th of Jan, now the SRD is in CC-BY-4.0
It isn't pleasant but you are pretty much in the Red Zone. Player 2 is ready to walk. You have to get Player 1 to stop or Player 2 walks. If Player 2 walks, the rest of the table knows that Player 1 is the boss of the table. Nobody gets to tell Player 2 they can't walk, not even the DM, so everyone at the table has a stake in the outcome of this situation. I hope the issue is clear to everyone. This needs to be owned by everyone, not just the DM and Player 1. The DM might be the chairman, but the whole group has a dog in this fight.
How many players are there at the table? Could there be a group intervention?
I don't see any choice but to lay all the cards on the table as the next session begins. "Player 1, you have not been considerate to Player 2. Player 2 gets to decide how to play PC2. If you think it could be done better or different, then you'll have to figure out how to talk about this amicably. Player 2 is ready to leave the group (not the campaign, the group). We are not going to continue the campaign if Player 2 punts. Would you like to think about this a moment and talk to Player 2 about it?"
Assuming this brings about another temporary change in behavior, you will have to be prepared to "nip it in the bud" the next time the first thing is said that returns to the original pattern.
Cum catapultae proscriptae erunt tum soli proscript catapultas habebunt
Beyond that... Unless the situation can somehow be defused, since Player 2 is ready to walk, and Player 1 may have to be asked to leave the table (or may leave in a huff if you try to lay down the law)... you are sort of faced with a situation in which either P1 or P2 is going to leave the table. One of these players is being mean, and the other is not. I know which one I'd want to keep, if forced to make such a choice.
WOTC lies. We know that WOTC lies. WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. We know that WOTC knows that we know that WOTC lies. And still they lie.
Because of the above (a paraphrase from Orwell) I no longer post to the forums -- PM me if you need help or anything.
Ok so is player 2 like running away always during combat, or is player 1 a minmaxer of sorts who wants players to be “playing optimally”. If player 2 is running away during combat, then I could see the frustration. If not, then player 1 is a problem. If player 1 is just a power gamer/minmaxer who wants people to “play optimally” and is bullying player 2 because of that then you should ask player 1 to get their act up or leave, and tell player 2 to stay and say that 1 may be kicked if continuing bad behavior. If player 2 is just running away during combat, talk to both players. Tell 1 to stop being mean then, and 2 to not run away if that is the situation.
I need more information about what is going on but that is my thoughts and what I think is going on based off of what you said.
If you’re certain that player 1 is causing the problem and player 2 is not at fault, you need to tell player 1 that if she keeps being mean to player 2 OOC you’ll ask her to leave the group.
This could be a problem if player 1 is more popular than player 2 irl, but hopefully that isn’t the case.
Everyone else had some really good ideas too.
player 1 is a bit of a min maxer but not really. player 2 does not run away, they just use unique creative things instead of just casting a spell or attacking, and somtimes it does not help the party and is just for fun
im a tad bit fruity