I've played in one campaign, attempted to DM a couple others.

I dropped out of the campaign as a player because we didn't reliably have enough people in the group and I hated the Strahd sandbow. I couldn't keep a group together as a DM, either, not that I was ever any good at it.

I've never actually had fun playing D&D yet it's still appealing for some reason. Should I keep trying or should I bail and do something else? I know it would probably be good for my social skills to pursue D&D but it also seems like more trouble than it's worth at times.

Maybe you just like DND as an audience member. I've met a few people who watch critical role religiously who have no interest in actually playing. It's also possible you just never met the right group... Playing with people who don't want the same thing out of the game that you do is a quick way to lose interest...

Honestly I've tried watching DnD shows like Critical Role and one other one and they're unwatchable to me. I don't know how people that don't play DnD religiously get through them, it's like 80 percent people screwing around and making in-jokes and 20 percent a game I don't understand much about.

I don't like watching other people play video games or play sports, either. If I'm not participating in it, I often have little interest.

so i guess the question is; are you merely just waiting for that one great group that it all melds together?  Or is it simply not for you as a whole?

Wish there was an easy answer, the fact that despite bad experiences you still feel the pull might suggest maybe you're still looking for the right group.  

You hit the nail on the head there, Mooninite avatar.

The thing is, it's impossible for us to know because we don't have enough information. The level of information needed isn't really viably capable of being communicated on a forum either. 

Take for example, you complain that they spent 80% of their time "screwing around". My initial reaction was that that what D&D is all about, so yes, you dislike it. I was thinking back to my last session where were meant to be sneaking a vampire through a village. After a few twist in the dice of fate that blew our plans out of the water, we ended up trying to get the villagers drunk, succeeding and having a whale of a time. That's goofing off, but it is what makes for a really fun session. If you hate the idea of a game being anything other than completely straight laced and frown on people making jokes, having a laugh, etc...well, I'm of the opinion that you can play D&D any way you like so long as you have fun, but I'm dubious that you'll get the most out of D&D. It doesn't always have to be absurdist or comedy by any means...but there will be varying degrees of it in the game.

Then I had the meme of the party repeatedly trying (and failing) to seduce a carp in a river, exasperating the DM. That would annoy me...but is that what you mean by goofing off? At which point, I'd say that's probably down to the specific party rather than the game.

So what does "goofing off" mean? We don't know, and it'll be hard for you to communicate that in a forum. Perhaps you can try a few online games or a variety of local groups (whatever works for you) for a larger sample rate. That you keep coming back makes me think that you enjoy the core ideas (that's what happened with me), but you didn't like the implementation in those groups. That's the great thing about D&D - there is no "correct implementation", you can play how you want. Try a few different DMs and see how you get on.

My experience is this: I've played a number of systems I consider to have way more to offer - mostly ancient Fasa Corporation stuff like Earthdawn and Shadowrun. I've played a number of games that simply weren't doing anything good for anyone. Mythos springs to mind, a game old Gygax wrote. 

But there's a caveat: Both Earthdawn and Shadowrun are functionally broken. Mechanically, they simply don't work - or maybe they work but don't make any sense. 

D&D is a sort of middle of the road system. It's not particularly great at anything, not wildly inventive or creative, and most of the settings and adventures are sort of the same. But it has one thing going for it: It undeniably works. Sure there are glitches and endless discussion or rules as written and/or intended. But it's nothing compared to other games.

The appeal of D&D to many folks is that you can play out whatever sort of adventure that you and your play group want to. It can take some time and effort to find a group of other people who want to play the same kind of game as you do (and are all consistently available to play at the same time), but there is almost definitely a group out there for you and however you want to play. Somewhere. If you still find the idea of D&D appealing despite unsatisfying experiences, you probably just haven't found a good group/game for you yet. 

I would recommend trying another group/game. Possibly several, until you either no longer feel that draw or (ideally) you land in a game that you actually enjoy. There are a lot of places you can find games online, often using some combination of Discord voicechat and some VTT (Virtual Tabletop) or another, both of which you can generally use without paying anything. The downside to all the people looking for D&D games online is that it also means a lot more games that you won't necessary enjoy so you'll likely have to sift through the ads and postings and even after that it might take multiple attempts actually joining a game before finding one you're comfortable with and enjoy being part of.  Various forums have LFG (Looking For Group) sections, including the D&D Beyond and Roll 20 ones. There's also reddit's r/lfg, numerous facebook groups and a whole bunch of Discord servers that are focused around providing a community space built around D&D and/or general TTRPGs. 

I also recommend not just responding to any ad for a game you see. When a DM posts an ad, you can usually form some kind of impression from it. In general if they're typing in all lower case with spelling errors and terrible grammar all over the place then they're probably not going to be very organized and I would also not expect them to even know the rules very well so unless you're looking for a game of make-belive calvinball you probably ought to steer clear of those. If they give a short description of their game and it sounds like an advertising pitch for a shonen anime, you probably shouldn't join that one if you can't stand anime (on the other hand if you're a big anime nerd then go for it). If you want a game that sticks closely to RAW (rules as written) then avoid games described with words like "flexible," "loose and creative interpretations, "improv," "custom [anything]," and above all any reference to homebrew that is not immediately followed by the word "setting" or "world." Again, if you don't want a strictly RAW game and are looking to play primarily by rule of cool then you should look for those words. 

Above all, talk to the DM before committing to join the game. If their process for adding you to their game is a reddit/Discord private message that says "Cool, we play Tuesday at 7:00pm have a character ready," then I wouldn't bother setting aside the time. Ask them what kind of game they plan to be running. Tell them what you want to do in a game, what kind of character you want to play, what kind of balance you're expecting between RP and action/combat. Ask about table etiquette, what subjects, if any, are off limits, and any special or custom rules they're going to be using. If it doesn't feel like the game is a good match for you then you have no obligation to waste your time trying to force yourself to enjoy it. Just thank them for their time, tell them you don't think you'd be a good fit for their game, and wish them luck then say goodbye. If the DM is going to be axctually running a proper session zero then that's all the better, because that generally covers everything I just talked about but also includes the other players as well; sometimes the DM might also want everyone to wait to finalize characters until then as well and will coordinate/review all that stuff in session zero. 

Good luck!

Quote from Flushmaster >>

The appeal of D&D to many folks is that you can play out whatever sort of adventure that you and your play group want to. It can take some time and effort to find a group of other people who want to play the same kind of game as you do (and are all consistently available to play at the same time), but there is almost definitely a group out there for you and however you want to play. Somewhere. If you still find the idea of D&D appealing despite unsatisfying experiences, you probably just haven't found a good group/game for you yet. 

I would recommend trying another group/game. Possibly several, until you either no longer feel that draw or (ideally) you land in a game that you actually enjoy. There are a lot of places you can find games online, often using some combination of Discord voicechat and some VTT (Virtual Tabletop) or another, both of which you can generally use without paying anything. The downside to all the people looking for D&D games online is that it also means a lot more games that you won't necessary enjoy so you'll likely have to sift through the ads and postings and even after that it might take multiple attempts actually joining a game before finding one you're comfortable with and enjoy being part of.  Various forums have LFG (Looking For Group) sections, including the D&D Beyond and Roll 20 ones. There's also reddit's r/lfg, numerous facebook groups and a whole bunch of Discord servers that are focused around providing a community space built around D&D and/or general TTRPGs. 

I also recommend not just responding to any ad for a game you see. When a DM posts an ad, you can usually form some kind of impression from it. In general if they're typing in all lower case with spelling errors and terrible grammar all over the place then they're probably not going to be very organized and I would also not expect them to even know the rules very well so unless you're looking for a game of make-belive calvinball you probably ought to steer clear of those. If they give a short description of their game and it sounds like an advertising pitch for a shonen anime, you probably shouldn't join that one if you can't stand anime (on the other hand if you're a big anime nerd then go for it). If you want a game that sticks closely to RAW (rules as written) then avoid games described with words like "flexible," "loose and creative interpretations, "improv," "custom [anything]," and above all any reference to homebrew that is not immediately followed by the word "setting" or "world." Again, if you don't want a strictly RAW game and are looking to play primarily by rule of cool then you should look for those words. 

Above all, talk to the DM before committing to join the game. If their process for adding you to their game is a reddit/Discord private message that says "Cool, we play Tuesday at 7:00pm have a character ready," then I wouldn't bother setting aside the time. Ask them what kind of game they plan to be running. Tell them what you want to do in a game, what kind of character you want to play, what kind of balance you're expecting between RP and action/combat. Ask about table etiquette, what subjects, if any, are off limits, and any special or custom rules they're going to be using. If it doesn't feel like the game is a good match for you then you have no obligation to waste your time trying to force yourself to enjoy it. Just thank them for their time, tell them you don't think you'd be a good fit for their game, and wish them luck then say goodbye. If the DM is going to be axctually running a proper session zero then that's all the better, because that generally covers everything I just talked about but also includes the other players as well; sometimes the DM might also want everyone to wait to finalize characters until then as well and will coordinate/review all that stuff in session zero. 

Good luck!

 I do have a few questions to ask here-

If I don't have much experience with the game, how will I know what to ask about regarding balance, knowing what kind of character I want to play. What is table ettiquette? What is session zero?

Session Zero, to jump in, is probably the most important session of a group. There's little to no actual gameplay, but it's a time the group sets aside to talk about what they expect to get out of the game. Session zero is where you talk about tone - how much goofing off is too much,  will there be a lot of table talk and meta game discussion, and what kinds of characters will people play (in terms of like, joke characters vs. serious characters).

It's also where you'd discuss "table etiquette" - the idea that some topics should or shouldn't be broached in-game. I've heard some horror stories about creeps hijacking a dnd session into a weird fetish roleplay, for instance. 

One thing that's important to mention is that all styles of play can be valid. If you want to do nothing but battle enemies and collect loot, then the group that wants to spend 2 hours talking to everyone in town will not be fun for you. Both ways to play are good and fun, but make sure you're with a group that has the same idea about fun. 

I've been a player in a few campaigns - some with all my close friends, even! - that I've had to stop playing because it was exhausting and unfun. Luckily I found a great group that I mesh well with,  but if I'd have started my dnd experience that way, I probably would have the same hesitance you do now. Overall I'll leave with this: I believe the problem is that you haven't found a group you mesh with. That in itself is okay; it's also cool to decide that maybe tabletop games aren't for you (or a different tabletop game might be more appealing). Dnd will always be there when you're ready to give it another shot. 

Quote from Kotath >>

Quote from HongoTak >>

I've played in one campaign, attempted to DM a couple others.

I dropped out of the campaign as a player because we didn't reliably have enough people in the group and I hated the Strahd sandbow. I couldn't keep a group together as a DM, either, not that I was ever any good at it.

I've never actually had fun playing D&D yet it's still appealing for some reason. Should I keep trying or should I bail and do something else? I know it would probably be good for my social skills to pursue D&D but it also seems like more trouble than it's worth at times.

 

Strahd is hard mode, both for players and DM. 

What I would suggest is trying to get some sense of the group you might be playing with before committing to a campaign. Some players prefer more combat/tactical play, others mostly RP, others a combination somewhere in the middle. You seem to be leaning more towards the RP side. If so, you need to try to find a group that is like-minded. They are out there.

 I don't know if I do or not. I don't really care for speaking as my character. It just feels unnatural to do that. I'm not an actor or performer. I would rather just narrate what they're doing and keep the direct speech to a minimum. I play my character but in no sense do I think of the character as being me. 

As VanZoeren said, Session Zero is basically a pre-campaign meeting where the DM and players all set the ground rules and establish what the game is going to be like. How much goofing around is acceptable and where is it considered a distraction and a nuisance that detracts from the game? Is the game going to be a grindy series of dungeon crawls and more or less non-stop combats chained together, or are the PCs going on a quest where they have to solve a mystery from clues they gather by speaking with NPCs in roleplaying scenes? Is it going to be almost entirely roleplaying with almost no combat at all like some kind of fantastical soap opera? Are there any subjects that somebody really doesn't want to deal with in the game? If somebody's character is horny, how much description is going to go into their attempts to seduce the barmaid and any resulting romantic liaisons? Should combat include graphic descriptions of blood and gore like we're describing a 90s graphic novel that's trying to distinguish itself for being extra extra dark and edgy, or do we want to stick with "You chop off the goblin's head and it falls dead"? Are we going to be playing out a light hearted cartoony adventure that's light on rules with slapstick humor, a rated R survival horror story with strict adherence to RAW plus added rules for lingering injuries and sanity loss, or (usually) something that falls somewhere between those two extremes? If a player is wanting to do a Star Wars style space opera with lasers, robots, and lots of exploding spaceships they're probably going to be disappointed by a "standard" medieval fantasy world, gothic horror full of vampires and werewolves, or a setting that's best described as "the wild west but with magic." Sometimes DMs will want you to have a character ready to go by this point but others might specifically make a point of having everybody roll up their characters at Session Zero, possibly with the option to discuss between themselves and possibly come up with a group dynamic as they make or adjust their characters. Are we a bunch of random adventurers who meet in a tavern? Or maybe the party is already an established military unit, or you've all been hired on as caravan guards, or you're a crew of thieves planning a heist and you may or may not know some or all of the other PCs from previous escapades. You could all be common folk aspiring to be something greater, perhaps apprenticed or otherwise training for such, when the first proper session kicks off with your shared hometown getting attacked by marauding bandits and now you have to defend your homes together, or you're all in a large city and something really weird gets everybody's attention to bring you all to the same place. 

Some of these things (like the general setting and combat/RP ratio) are commonly included in any postings looking for players, but a proper Session Zero attempts to cover everything and make sure that everybody is on the same page and expecting more or less the same things before investing hours and hours of time in an activity they later decide isn't fun. Good DMs will generally do at least a basic interview and discussion with potential players to let them know what kind of game they're planning to run. I mentioned anime as an example earlier, so if they say "I've been binge watching a lot of Naruto lately so so I've written a game to try and capture that kind of feel" then you should decide right there whether or not you want to play as a magical ninja or some adjacent character concept before committing to four hours at a time on a weekly basis to do so. 

There are a lot of D&D games out there, and there are all sorts of different styles, flavors, moods, etc that the people playing them are going for. Talking to the DM and, ideally other players, can help you figure out if a particular game is something you'll have fun with or if you should keep looking elsewhere. And there are lots of places to look. These forums have a LFG (Looking For Group) section, the Roll20 website also has such, there's r/lfg on Reddit, and literally scores of Discord servers dedicated to the hobby so you can always just google "Dungeons and Dragons Discord LFG" and click through the results. It can and usually does take a while to find a good group for you, particularly that also meets at a convenient time for your schedule, but when you do manage to find one it can make all the effort feel entirely worth it. 

I myself tend to find myself very bored with the standard medieval fantasy world (looking at you Forgotton Realms). Not that I can't enjoy it, it's just that playing riffs on Tolkien or Howard heroes doesn't excite me too much.

And unfortunately Discord is still unusable as, through either mistake or malice I have had my account un-disabled but someone attached my phone number to a different account somehow and it's requiring me to verify by phone.

I was on the fence when I started too. The pick-up scene can be brutal and I met some people that were creepy or unstable or just unpleasant to be around. I never tried to DM back then but I assume that would have been pretty rough.

But one day a guy in one of the pickup groups asked me if I was interested in playing with his regular group. That was 12+ years ago, we've played weekly ever since, and now they're some of my closest friends. With the right group, D&D is really, really good. It feels more "productive" than any other game I've played - it engages me intellectually, creatively, artistically, and socially - and as a person with a family, a lot of interests, and limited time in which to pursue them, that kind of "efficiency" is important to me. Time spent on D&D feels like time well spent.

For what it's worth, I also don't find watching people play D&D to be interesting at all and I rarely speak in character. Narrating what your character does is just fine. Neither of those are indicators that D&D is not for you.

I've only played once and it was alright. I would like to try again.