So my Evil Necromancer just rolled out of his mind and found the book of Vile Darkness.
I passed the initial roll after finding it, when the book tried to eat my soul, so now I have possession of the book. I am still not attuned need to study it first.
Question is, how the heck do I carry it?
It says in the description that whatever the book touches it starts to destroy. Sooo, how do I transport the cursed thing? Or is the wielder immune to the destroying effects?
I thought of using my skeletons to carry it until they died from it and just swapping from one poor skele to the next. Also thought of Tenser's disc, Mage Hand, and unseen servant. They just don't last long enough to make them worthwhile though.
A bag of Holding might work, but then I risk losing the book to another dimension. Something my evil necro seriously doesn't want to do since this is his path to his ultimate dream of Lichdom.
It says gradually... Talk to your DM on their definition of gradual and adapt. May have to move this thing constantly... Though since it is gradual I wouldn't think skeletons would immediately dustify just passing it from one to another. *shrug*. May be your DM's way of trying to get it away from you?
Yeah he is saying I can use my poor Bob's (skeleton names, lol) to carry it for about two hours then after that they dusted.
Didn't know if there is another good way to transport it. I will keep an eye out for a unicorn or some other good animal to strap it too, just to keep the evil deeds necessary going lol. Looks like the skeletons and zombies gonna be the mules til then.
Tenser's Floating Disk is a RITUAL spell. Costs nothing except "remembering to do it" to keep recasting it as needed.
But, if it were me? I'd rig up a pedestal, crafted to be a minor magic item that anything placed a foot above it levitated, locked in place, and didn't touch anything.
Then I'd put that pedestal in a Portable Hole. Voila, carried.
Hmm, looking through other spells. Think resilient sphere would work to transport the book?
A sphere of shimmering force encloses a creature or object of Large size or smaller within range. An unwilling creature must make a Dexterity saving throw. On a failed save, the creature is enclosed for the duration.
Nothing--not physical objects, energy, or other spell effects--can pass through the barrier, in or out, though a creature in the sphere can breathe there. The sphere is immune to all damage, and a creature or object inside can't be damaged by attacks or effects originating from outside, nor can a creature inside the sphere damage anything outside it.
The sphere is weightless and just large enough to contain the creature or object inside. An enclosed creature can use its action to push against the sphere's walls and thus roll the sphere at up to half the creature's speed. Similarly, the globe can be picked up and moved by other creatures.
A disintegrate spell targeting the globe destroys it without harming anything inside it.
Immune to all damage....hmm..
Hate to blow a 4th level spell just to carry a book around, but if I'm out of Skeleton Bob's it may work..
You know, what it comes down to is ... you have to talk to your GM about how long things take.
Clearly, the Book shouldn't be destroying everything it touches, within hours. I mean, if it did that, then just setting it on the ground would - within weeks - burn a hole straight down through the world, and the Underdark ... and spawn a volcano.
AND THEN KEEP BURNING IT'S WAY DOWN. Forever. Infinitely. Such that no person would ever again see it, or be influenced by it to spread evil and perfidy in the world .... defeating the very purpose of the Book.
...
So. There must be some way to store it long-term - different material should last different lengths of time, as should different amounts of that material. The book might corrode it's way through an inch of hardwood in a week, but an inch of bone from sentient creatures might hold it for two weeks, half-inch of stone would hold it for a season (three months), the same thickness of obsidian might hold it for the traditional "year and a day", and a full inch of stone mined from the Abyss, or one of the Hells, might last thirteen years (or 666 weeks, to be cute about it).
And then, preparing the container, pedestal, etc with a spell like Unhallow could perhaps double the time it lasts.
So ... if you get yourself a chest of stout iron mined from Acheron and smelted in the fires of the Abyss, line the inside with quarter-inch slabs of wailing stone from Tarterus, all of it christened with the blood of an innocent (extra props if you can go for the whole "virgin sacrifice" angle) while casting Unhallow on the interior of the chest .... you might have somethig that will last, oh, fifty years? Possibly a century?
Of course ... you've also pretty much constructed a very powerful evil magic item, so if you weren't evil to begin with ..... well, you are now, mwa ha ha ha...!!
Thanks for the response and yes, this is how I feel too. The book WANTS to be used for evil. Why would it stop someone from doing that very thing by instantly destroying them? It makes no sense. I got this response from Jeremy Crawford on Twitter and now am even more baffled on what the purpose of this book is. It obviously isn't meant to be used by anyone if it destroys things in one turn... My question:
Is there any guidance to how long before it starts destroying things? How long do my poor zombies and henchmen have left to "live" lol.
His Answer:
Depends how many layers of clothing they have on, 1 turn/layer of clothing. You’ll need a lot of henchmen for this
My response:
Wait...WHAT?! So this item is basically unusable? It will destroy its holder every 6 secs? How can I even become attuned to it? Takes 80 hours.. I must be misunderstanding.
His answer:
Thats correct, its the book of Vile Darkness not the Tome of Extreme Practicality
My confusion on the actual purpose of this item is now immeasurable. lol
Wait, wait ... Crawford said that nonsense? GOOD GRIEF.
That is definitely not Rules-as-Intended.
The book gradually corrupts and eventually destroyes everything it touches, yes. The intent of that is to make it very, very difficult to "lock it away forever", which would be the first impulse of an Good-aligned party. "Sorry boys, you can lock it away for a long time, but eventually whatever you put it into, will corrode and decay, and no longer keep people away from it. So you're going to have to destroy it ... which generally means attuning to it, and then spending a century desperately trying not to be corrupted into evil, yourself. Good luck. You'll need it!"
Tweets like that are one of the reasons I don't bother listening to Crawford's answers. And also why I believe that Twitter is, in fact, a cursed artifact that drains the intelligence of everyone who uses it in proportion to how famous they are.
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Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Crawford said that? Wow. I can see why people ignore him on this website.
I would rule that it takes a year at the most to destroy a pedestal to the point where it falls on the ground. Tenser's Floating Disk is probably the best option to keep ahold of it.
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Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
I think that you need to find an out of game solution. If the book was just rolled from a random table and is way more than he wants in his game, he needs to say so. Ask if he is basically going to make it either possible or impossible for you to get any use out of the book. Once that is firmly established, move on to the actual how.
To me, it makes no sense to grant an item and make it unusable. Hopefully he has an idea on this that he wants you to discover.
Also, destroy could be considered vague. What happens when a pure virgin is force to carry the tome. Is she destroyed by death, or does it mean she is corrupted to be an undead, like a ghoul? Does she last a little longer as a ghoul, before her body wastes away, becoming a ghost? Then what?
I think you should give your DM a cool option that fits the tome and the evil you want to be.
As far as I'm concerned, the "benefits" of the book are just there to entice people to succumb to the book and die. This thing is described as basically the most evil thing there is. It doesn't sound me to me like something that gives your character a happy ending. That's what Crawford was saying. This is not a Holy Avenger you can swing around at your enemies. It's like the most cursed item in the history of cursed items.
The main problem is that this is not just outright stated. At any rate, the answer is to talk with your DM. They are the final say on how it works since it working at all is not really intended. As WTF said, if your DM dropped it in the story they likely have some intentions about how it should work and what purpose it serves in the story. We can't tell you what that is and neither can Jeremy Crawford or anyone else.
So my Evil Necromancer just rolled out of his mind and found the book of Vile Darkness.
I passed the initial roll after finding it, when the book tried to eat my soul, so now I have possession of the book. I am still not attuned need to study it first.
Question is, how the heck do I carry it?
It says in the description that whatever the book touches it starts to destroy. Sooo, how do I transport the cursed thing? Or is the wielder immune to the destroying effects?
I thought of using my skeletons to carry it until they died from it and just swapping from one poor skele to the next. Also thought of Tenser's disc, Mage Hand, and unseen servant. They just don't last long enough to make them worthwhile though.
A bag of Holding might work, but then I risk losing the book to another dimension. Something my evil necro seriously doesn't want to do since this is his path to his ultimate dream of Lichdom.
Any ideas on how to transport this thing?
It says gradually... Talk to your DM on their definition of gradual and adapt. May have to move this thing constantly... Though since it is gradual I wouldn't think skeletons would immediately dustify just passing it from one to another. *shrug*. May be your DM's way of trying to get it away from you?
Yeah he is saying I can use my poor Bob's (skeleton names, lol) to carry it for about two hours then after that they dusted.
Didn't know if there is another good way to transport it. I will keep an eye out for a unicorn or some other good animal to strap it too, just to keep the evil deeds necessary going lol. Looks like the skeletons and zombies gonna be the mules til then.
Have you asked him how long you can carry it? Or a different living creature?
Skeletons is a fun idea
Tenser's Floating Disk is a RITUAL spell. Costs nothing except "remembering to do it" to keep recasting it as needed.
But, if it were me? I'd rig up a pedestal, crafted to be a minor magic item that anything placed a foot above it levitated, locked in place, and didn't touch anything.
Then I'd put that pedestal in a Portable Hole. Voila, carried.
Ahh thanks didn't catch that about tensers. That helps!
Interesting idea with the portable hole lol. I love it!
Hmm, looking through other spells. Think resilient sphere would work to transport the book?
A sphere of shimmering force encloses a creature or object of Large size or smaller within range. An unwilling creature must make a Dexterity saving throw. On a failed save, the creature is enclosed for the duration.
Nothing--not physical objects, energy, or other spell effects--can pass through the barrier, in or out, though a creature in the sphere can breathe there. The sphere is immune to all damage, and a creature or object inside can't be damaged by attacks or effects originating from outside, nor can a creature inside the sphere damage anything outside it.
The sphere is weightless and just large enough to contain the creature or object inside. An enclosed creature can use its action to push against the sphere's walls and thus roll the sphere at up to half the creature's speed. Similarly, the globe can be picked up and moved by other creatures.
A disintegrate spell targeting the globe destroys it without harming anything inside it.
Immune to all damage....hmm..
Hate to blow a 4th level spell just to carry a book around, but if I'm out of Skeleton Bob's it may work..
Dammit, nevermind. Concentration one minute..
Back to pouting while my undead servants melt away..lol
You know, what it comes down to is ... you have to talk to your GM about how long things take.
Clearly, the Book shouldn't be destroying everything it touches, within hours. I mean, if it did that, then just setting it on the ground would - within weeks - burn a hole straight down through the world, and the Underdark ... and spawn a volcano.
AND THEN KEEP BURNING IT'S WAY DOWN. Forever. Infinitely. Such that no person would ever again see it, or be influenced by it to spread evil and perfidy in the world .... defeating the very purpose of the Book.
...
So. There must be some way to store it long-term - different material should last different lengths of time, as should different amounts of that material. The book might corrode it's way through an inch of hardwood in a week, but an inch of bone from sentient creatures might hold it for two weeks, half-inch of stone would hold it for a season (three months), the same thickness of obsidian might hold it for the traditional "year and a day", and a full inch of stone mined from the Abyss, or one of the Hells, might last thirteen years (or 666 weeks, to be cute about it).
And then, preparing the container, pedestal, etc with a spell like Unhallow could perhaps double the time it lasts.
So ... if you get yourself a chest of stout iron mined from Acheron and smelted in the fires of the Abyss, line the inside with quarter-inch slabs of wailing stone from Tarterus, all of it christened with the blood of an innocent (extra props if you can go for the whole "virgin sacrifice" angle) while casting Unhallow on the interior of the chest .... you might have somethig that will last, oh, fifty years? Possibly a century?
Of course ... you've also pretty much constructed a very powerful evil magic item, so if you weren't evil to begin with ..... well, you are now, mwa ha ha ha...!!
Thanks for the response and yes, this is how I feel too. The book WANTS to be used for evil. Why would it stop someone from doing that very thing by instantly destroying them? It makes no sense. I got this response from Jeremy Crawford on Twitter and now am even more baffled on what the purpose of this book is. It obviously isn't meant to be used by anyone if it destroys things in one turn...
My question:
Is there any guidance to how long before it starts destroying things? How long do my poor zombies and henchmen have left to "live" lol.
His Answer:
Depends how many layers of clothing they have on, 1 turn/layer of clothing. You’ll need a lot of henchmen for this
My response:
Wait...WHAT?! So this item is basically unusable? It will destroy its holder every 6 secs? How can I even become attuned to it? Takes 80 hours.. I must be misunderstanding.
His answer:
Thats correct, its the book of Vile Darkness not the Tome of Extreme Practicality
My confusion on the actual purpose of this item is now immeasurable. lol
EDIT COMPLETELY
Wait, wait ... Crawford said that nonsense? GOOD GRIEF.
That is definitely not Rules-as-Intended.
The book gradually corrupts and eventually destroyes everything it touches, yes. The intent of that is to make it very, very difficult to "lock it away forever", which would be the first impulse of an Good-aligned party. "Sorry boys, you can lock it away for a long time, but eventually whatever you put it into, will corrode and decay, and no longer keep people away from it. So you're going to have to destroy it ... which generally means attuning to it, and then spending a century desperately trying not to be corrupted into evil, yourself. Good luck. You'll need it!"
Tweets like that are one of the reasons I don't bother listening to Crawford's answers. And also why I believe that Twitter is, in fact, a cursed artifact that drains the intelligence of everyone who uses it in proportion to how famous they are.
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Crawford said that? Wow. I can see why people ignore him on this website.
I would rule that it takes a year at the most to destroy a pedestal to the point where it falls on the ground. Tenser's Floating Disk is probably the best option to keep ahold of it.
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
I think that you need to find an out of game solution. If the book was just rolled from a random table and is way more than he wants in his game, he needs to say so. Ask if he is basically going to make it either possible or impossible for you to get any use out of the book. Once that is firmly established, move on to the actual how.
To me, it makes no sense to grant an item and make it unusable. Hopefully he has an idea on this that he wants you to discover.
Also, destroy could be considered vague. What happens when a pure virgin is force to carry the tome. Is she destroyed by death, or does it mean she is corrupted to be an undead, like a ghoul? Does she last a little longer as a ghoul, before her body wastes away, becoming a ghost? Then what?
I think you should give your DM a cool option that fits the tome and the evil you want to be.
This is a story item, not a PC item.
As far as I'm concerned, the "benefits" of the book are just there to entice people to succumb to the book and die. This thing is described as basically the most evil thing there is. It doesn't sound me to me like something that gives your character a happy ending. That's what Crawford was saying. This is not a Holy Avenger you can swing around at your enemies. It's like the most cursed item in the history of cursed items.
The main problem is that this is not just outright stated. At any rate, the answer is to talk with your DM. They are the final say on how it works since it working at all is not really intended. As WTF said, if your DM dropped it in the story they likely have some intentions about how it should work and what purpose it serves in the story. We can't tell you what that is and neither can Jeremy Crawford or anyone else.
My homebrew subclasses (full list here)
(Artificer) Swordmage | Glasswright | (Barbarian) Path of the Savage Embrace
(Bard) College of Dance | (Fighter) Warlord | Cannoneer
(Monk) Way of the Elements | (Ranger) Blade Dancer
(Rogue) DaggerMaster | Inquisitor | (Sorcerer) Riftwalker | Spellfist
(Warlock) The Swarm
There's a difference between "no happy ending", and Crawford essentially saying "if you touch it with bare skin you are instantly obliterated".
The former creates story.
The latter prevents it.
This!
Find your own truth, choose your enemies carefully, and never deal with a dragon.
"Canon" is what's factual to D&D lore. "Cannon" is what you're going to be shot with if you keep getting the word wrong.
Yes, this is how I feel.
I am pretty sure my GM has a plan for it. He wouldn't have dropped it if he didn't.
My evil necromancer knows he isn't going to have a "happy ending. His whole back story and reason for being is not a happy one.
I will just work it out with him. The "official" answers seem baffling.
Thanks for all the replies they have been very helpful