if you're resistant to going on adventures with the rest of your party, you're being a pain in the ass. 

I agree with this.

In my view, as a player, your #1 responsibility other than making sure you are contributing to, not interfering with, group fun, is to bring a character to the table who has every reason to go on whatever adventures the DM may happen to put before them.

Demanding a personal, just-for-you, extra-special reason to go on adventures is selfish, unfair to the other players, and antithetical to being a good player. Even worse, being resistant to going on adventures for any reason, even ones made up just for you, is the epitome of bad sportsmanship.

Quote from CorboneyourCob >>

The problem is that I've run into her as a fox and as a person now, and it was becoming hard to remember which interactions were as a person or fox. She also stole a map from me as a fox, so there's that.

 This plus the drawn-out reluctance to actually be in a party really change my take here. There are ways to have secrets or be aloof that do not disrupt the game to this level. As a DM, I'd never tolerate one PC stealing from another. It's just not necessary and has so much potential to cause problems. You are a team. As others have said, it's a basic part of the social contract at the heart of D&D.

except from the sound of it, The PCs have not been correctly introduced and acutally made a party.  Sure the players are all at the same table, but their in game characters still need a reason to join up with each other.  

This is a valid defense for like the first 30 min of session 1, after that it's BS. See social contract above. You can play like this, but it would require every player to voluntarily opt in to that kind of game. Otherwise this is 100% on the player who insists on RPing their one-player D&D game in front of a captive audience.

I understand that and thanks for the perspective. Just flat out asking for an insight check is tacky and I shouldn't have.

I will say however, it's not ENTIRELY unwarranted. I aked for them because I was tired of the secret, yes, but even in the human form she has the fox ears, then the girl and the fox always seem to be kinda around the same places, I run into them both, and never at the same time, ect. There's a smidge of evidence that I think I'd actually question, and I'm playing the character as me.

My expectations were probably a little outta line. I wanted to just have a "normal" character, with no convoluted backstory, variant human fighter. I'm relatively new as well, my first DnD group was pretty toxic, but they were my only option. I did an edgy, complicated, tragic backstory for my Goliath Ranger. There was constant railroading and meta-gaming from EVERYONE, there.

At this point, I had just wanted a simple dude, no tragedy, and all the RP just come from the adventure and the characters getting to know each other. The secrets and slow start just frustrated me. This group is still FAR better than the last. I'm just excited to get started.

Quote from CorboneyourCob >>

I understand that and thanks for the perspective. Just flat out asking for an insight check is tacky and I shouldn't have.

I will say however, it's not ENTIRELY unwarranted. I aked for them because I was tired of the secret, yes, but even in the human form she has the fox ears, then the girl and the fox always seem to be kinda around the same places, I run into them both, and never at the same time, ect. There's a smidge of evidence that I think I'd actually question, and I'm playing the character as me.

My expectations were probably a little outta line. I wanted to just have a "normal" character, with no convoluted backstory, variant human fighter. I'm relatively new as well, my first DnD group was pretty toxic, but they were my only option. I did an edgy, complicated, tragic backstory for my Goliath Ranger. There was constant railroading and meta-gaming from EVERYONE, there.

At this point, I had just wanted a simple dude, no tragedy, and all the RP just come from the adventure and the characters getting to know each other. The secrets and slow start just frustrated me. This group is still FAR better than the last. I'm just excited to get started.

 I understand that differences in how you want character backstories to be can be frustrating, but this is why I said bring this up with the group because they might also have grievances to air about how the game is going as well.  When you talk you can work out a compromise so everyone can have fun. Remember this is a group game, so everyone needs to enjoy it in some way.

Just want to mention, you are fortunate to have some player knowledge about her character, however you should not be trying to force insight checks OR characters to reveal secrets for the sake of wanting no secrets as a PLAYER.  If I was the DM after the first 3 insight checks you would not be granted more to "connect the dots" - just like how when looking a a dragons hoard you can only try so many time to get the stuff out of it.  

Forget about assigning blame for a sec. This seems like a case of widely differing expectations more than anything else. Just because things aren’t working out doesn’t mean there has to be someone in the wrong.

So, with all due respect for my esteemed colleagues and their advice in this thread, don’t try and get a bunch of random internet strangers to adjudicate your budding conflict. As far as I can tell, there’s nothing to adjudicate since nobody’s really at fault other than possibly not being considerate enough of the pther people at the table’s intentions - and if so, likely everybody’s a little bit at fault at least. None of this will get resolved by someone (you or anyone else) being told they’re not playing the right way. 

I suggest that either before or at the start of the next session you simply explain why you’re not having that much fun. Ask how everyone else is feeling. Explain that what you tried to do in game seemed like the right thing to do, but that it shouldn’t be to the detriment of anyone else’s fun. Get a bit of a conversation going so hopefully everyone is on the same page, or at least adjacent pages, before going forward.

 The secrets and slow start just frustrated me.

You need to bring this up with the table, so everyone can be on the same page as a group.

Quote from Kotath >>

Quote from pangurjan >>

Forget about assigning blame for a sec. This seems like a case of widely differing expectations more than anything else. Just because things aren’t working out doesn’t mean there has to be someone in the wrong.

So, with all due respect for my esteemed colleagues and their advice in this thread, don’t try and get a bunch of random internet strangers to adjudicate your budding conflict. As far as I can tell, there’s nothing to adjudicate since nobody’s really at fault other than possibly not being considerate enough of the pther people at the table’s intentions - and if so, likely everybody’s a little bit at fault at least. None of this will get resolved by someone (you or anyone else) being told they’re not playing the right way. 

I suggest that either before or at the start of the next session you simply explain why you’re not having that much fun. Ask how everyone else is feeling. Explain that what you tried to do in game seemed like the right thing to do, but that it shouldn’t be to the detriment of anyone else’s fun. Get a bit of a conversation going so hopefully everyone is on the same page, or at least adjacent pages, before going forward.

 

The question was whether this particular kind of activity was meta or not. That is a different question than assigning blame. Even to the extent there is blame to go around, this still is not the best way to handle it. The better way is to admit that the issue is meta and have an open group discussion over it. 

 I was more referring to the later posts from CorboneyourCob, where they go into the apparent reasons for doing the metagaming. Whether it is metagaming or not (though I agree it is) and whether that's admitted to or not (though I agree it's best to accept things are what they are) isn't going to fix the underlying issue why they're being done. Metagaming isn't good, but not having fun and getting frustrated with the game is worse.