Ok, so I started DMing since around 2 years ago and can't seem to keep a steady group of players. The first group I DMed was a 30ish session Pokemon Tabletop United campaign with 4 players (one of them is my partner and always plays when I DM) and it lasted a year. After the end I asked for feedback and it was mostly positive, with a bit of constructive criticism about description of places and difficulty of battles, for example. Two players said it was the best campaign they've ever played. I proposed a DnD campaign afterwards, but one of the players said she couldn't play anymore due to a lot of college classes and internship and the other I actually had problems with, because he had a very bad case of backseat DMing. So since there were not enough players, the group ended there. 

The second and third groups I started DMing DnD at the same time (with the same introductory one shot as a way to for them to get to know my DMing style and see if they wanted to keep playing), both groups of friends who already knew each other. The second had about 7 people, all starting to play for the first time. They seemed to have a good time in general, but difficulty getting used to the rules. We had 2 sessions and things fizzled out because it was hard setting a date for them together. 

The third had 4 players again and they liked the characters they made and decided to extend the one-shot to a campaign. The campaign lasted almost a year and finished a few months ago and had about 12 sessions. I proposed a horror one-shot before we could maybe start another campaign (the one I actually wanted to write for a while, but waited since they wanted to keep the same characters and setting). But now one of the players also says she will be too busy and will not be able to play because of college. So... am I a really sucky DM and people just don't want to say it to my face or am I just paranoid?

My partner says I'm a good DM and that we are just in a weird age group (players are around 20ish~30sh), with people trying to get their undergraduate degrees and start their masters and there's not enough time. But it is kinda hard not to think he might not be completely objective since we are in a relationship. 

As a DM I like to make players feel that their characters are unique and part of the world, so I tend to include parts of their background in the plot, present NPCs related to them and give opportunities for character development. On the other hand, things I am working to get better at are more detailed descriptions, upping the difficulty in battles, and not giving hints when players are lost or indecisive, since I get a bit insecure.

So, is it really hard to keep a steady group or I'm just a bad DM? Please, help, because I really love DMing.

It can be really hard to keep a steady group. Especially when there are more than 4-5 players. And honestly, college/postgrad is an especially rough time when a lot of people fall out of the hobby, at least for a few years. Or find alternatives outlets to D&D. That’s why so many come back to the hobby in their 30s.

There is only one real measure of how good a DM you are. When you look around the table at your players, are they having fun?

Generally, yes. They seem to have fun, people make jokes, get involved and when I prepare a plot twist they seem genuinely surprised. I guess part of my paranoia comes from the fact that I'm also in my masters, but always find time to prepare the sessions and everything (maps, images, soundtrack) because I really love DMing. I even DMed while writing my undergraduate final paper. So when players quit, even though being a player generally involves less out of session time, I can't help but feel like I wasn't good enough somehow...

Just the nature of D&D unfortunately. 

I remember being at that stage.  We'd start a campaign, get to about level 4 and then have it fall apart due to scheduling conflicts; usually school and family.  All I can suggest is that you keep trying.  Listen to the players at your table.  If they say they are having fun and that you are a good DM, you should believe them.  And listen to your partner.  Who knows you better than they do?

You sound like a good DM that cares about three players. Your paranoid about it all. I'd be lucky to have you as a DM and play in your worlds. 

So don't stress so much. Your fine. 

Keep in mind that many people can have fun playing TTRPG while being non-commital towards it. It may be that they like the form activity but not enough to try to adjust their lives around it. And this is not a reflection on you as a DM but the nature of hobby in general.

You know when you show someone a cool or hilarious video and you watch it with them to see the reaction and afterwards they say they enjoyed it but the reaction was nowhere near as good as you hoped for? Sometimes this happens in D&D as well.

Sound like ... life.

You've run TWO campaigns that both lasted for over a year, and actually was ended by YOU! I would say that around 50% of my campaigns dies in the first three sessions. Sometimes because my ideas doesn't work, sometimes because the players created characters that really doesn't work together. My point is, if you think your players kept coming back to the campaign for over a year just to "please" you while they hated your play style - yes, that is a little bit paranoid ;-)

You probably put the finger on the reason yourself - age/life. People's situations change, if they say they don't have time, that's probably the reason. Also remember that players come with many levels of dedication. Some will prioritize it above all other activities, some won't. Doesn't mean the later doesn't like it, just that they like equally much to go to the cinema (crazy people...).

If I should give you any advice, it would be to go for a group of 4 and not 7 players. That's certainly a lot easier to hold together. You could also consider if you perhaps could live with a little less "dedication". I don't know how you run your campaigns, but I usually plays if at least half of the players can attend. It keeps the campaign running. Players who keep not coming to sessions have a tendency to fall out after a while because they loose track, but most of us are fine with that. If we were to put our roleplaying on hold every time one of our group goes away for work or holiday or ... for a couple of months, we would've played a lot less RPG.

I agree it just sounds like life, and it sounds like you've run some good games!

Here's how I solve a similar problem. Once a month, I set a game date with my 2 most reliable players. If I have 2 players, I have a game! From there, we invite 3 more of our players to join, if they can make it. I run it as a series of loosely connected one-shots. I add in a few custom details depending on who has confirmed that week that they will be there.

Seems to work so far.

 And real life is a super high CR.

And it can take legendary actions on everyone else's turn every round, multiple times  a turn, without limit.... 

Back to the OP's concern... I agree with the others here. Even Matt Colville, who is well known for his wise advice about D&D, has said that the majority of his campaigns fizzle out after 6-7 sessions. When talking about keeping a campaign going "for the long run" (i.e., years), that most of them don't turn out that way, but every once in a while if something gets past session 6 or 7 it tends to go on for a while.

I'm on session 16 or so... so hopefully that bodes well. But one never knows. All my players are grown ups with jobs, some have kids, family, etc... there's a pandemic going on, etc.

I'd have to agree with most of the other posters ... life happens.

Committing to one evening every week or two in the long term is a big commitment.

• work
• family
• children * ... this one can stop gaming in its tracks for decades :)
• significant others * ... this can depend on whether the significant other also plays ... if they don't it can become an issue
• school ... especially at transitions ... starting University, starting grad school ... focus is not on gaming
• homework
• volunteer activities
• social activities with friends/acquaintances

There are so many things to do that playing D&D may not rank very high. In your case, you ran two campaigns that lasted about a year each. In one case 30 sessions and the other 12 and in both cases the players kept coming back. People don't keep coming back that many times over a long time frame if they are not having fun. If folks don't like the DM style or something else is bothering them then they will usually drop in about 2-5 sessions depending on why they are playing in the first place. Having friends playing can get a person in the door and keep them there a while but not in the longer term.

So, objectively, given the limited information in your post, you're likely a fine DM with no reason to be worried.

Quote from greytanuki >>

Generally, yes. They seem to have fun, people make jokes, get involved and when I prepare a plot twist they seem genuinely surprised. I guess part of my paranoia comes from the fact that I'm also in my masters, but always find time to prepare the sessions and everything (maps, images, soundtrack) because I really love DMing. I even DMed while writing my undergraduate final paper. So when players quit, even though being a player generally involves less out of session time, I can't help but feel like I wasn't good enough somehow...

 Then you’re a good DM. Or at least as good as most anyone else, and probably better than many.

PS- Part of me really just wanted to copy/paste your thread header into a quote box and just reply “Yes” and ghost, watching you wonder, never really being sure to which answer I was referring....

I couldn’t actually do it in good faith, but the joke was burning me up and I just had to tell you about it. I been sitting on that for four days.

I always debrief with my players at the end of the game. It gets me immediate feedback on what is working and what is not, what people's favorite moments were and what dragged on too long. Its a good way to gage what my players think of the game without having to ask them specifically about it. Their consistent enthusiasm mitigates my concerns that they aren't having fun because they aren't very participatory in a day. I trust them not to lie to me, because why would they lie? It only hurts everyone in the end if they tell me they are having fun but are not. 

I would recommend trying it. Its very nice.

Usually, the only thing players lie about is die rolls (and that rarely/never). They don't lie about having fun.

Hey just pitching in with everyone else here as another DM who always fears he isn't as good. Lasting a year at a time is amazing honestly. I had to stop running for a few years because of school and other jobs. I started up again now that I have some more free time. 

Honestly the way you describe yourself and the results and comments your players give you. They are having fun. Life just has a way of getting in the way. 

This is why a lot of the stuff I run now a days is tweeked premade stuff. I don't have the time to write and prep campaigns like I used to but that for sure helps. 

Another thing is with smaller groups say 3 to 4 you can try and set a date and just ALWAYS make it the same date and time. If someone misses a week still reward them but move on. Right now we have someone whos work is super busy and cant always make it, heck sometimes they CALL into the game just to listen while they have to work late hours. But a consistent date usually gives incentive to show up and schedule if they can. I only cancel if I cant make it or of over half the players have to call it. 

Hopefully you find a working middle ground. May the dice be forever in your favor!

I agree with most of the discussion. I have also had struggles as a DM, especially as Female DM and someone who is socially awkward. I finished up my first campaign that went on for like a year and a half. And I learned a lot from them. I have a great friend in the campaign that when criticizing she said that some of my NPCs said things that made her uncomfortable.  And I was shocked, and I felt so so so so so BAD. I asked her to clarify so I won't use them again. however she refused to, and I've been thinking about it for months. it bothers me. I feel so sad.

She reassures me that's ok, and she just needs to remember that it's fiction. but I can't get it out of my head.  I'm sorry for blabbing on about me, I just highly connect with greytanuki. 

It will really build my self-confidence is some check out my homebrew spells like Mud Palm or my quarterstaff of locks. you 

if you ever want to talk about dnd with me, just hit me up. 

Quote from Vola_of_Merdica >>

I agree with most of the discussion. I have also had struggles as a DM, especially as Female DM and someone who is socially awkward. I finished up my first campaign that went on for like a year and a half. And I learned a lot from them. I have a great friend in the campaign that when criticizing she said that some of my NPCs said things that made her uncomfortable.  And I was shocked, and I felt so so so so so BAD. I asked her to clarify so I won't use them again. however she refused to, and I've been thinking about it for months. it bothers me. I feel so sad.

She reassures me that's ok, and she just needs to remember that it's fiction. but I can't get it out of my head.  I'm sorry for blabbing on about me, I just highly connect with greytanuki. 

It will really build my self-confidence is some check out my homebrew spells like Mud Palm or my quarterstaff of locks. you 

if you ever want to talk about dnd with me, just hit me up. 

I actually use the Black card rule. It doesn't have to be black or even a card. If I ever say anything or start describing something someone doesn't like they can show or say "Black Card" and we skip it. No explanation needed; unless the black card was unclear aka please done say x word then no further questions. It helped me as a DM for not just friends but for store with people of varying ages and backgrounds who don't like certain topics or descriptions brought up. 

Quote from CozmoTheGrey >>

Just the nature of D&D unfortunately. 

 Yup!