Nice. Maybe a bit OP, but it should be fine if you make the damage two or so dice less.
Maybe I’m dumb, but how is it overpowered? The damage seems mostly reasonable to me, and the darkness is just an added benefit that lasts for a single round.
6d8 is pretty much the same as 8d6, which is the damage of fireball, which is intentionally overpowered. It also adds darkness, which can severely hinder some foes. It has a much better damage type and ability score for the save (intelligence saving throw proficiency is rare). Overall it might not be incredibly overpowered, but it is definitely more so than I would allow. I love the spell, the damage just needs to be a tiny bit lower. It also becomes ridiculous if you somehow manage to increase the duration.
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Nice. Maybe a bit OP, but it should be fine if you make the damage two or so dice less.
Maybe I’m dumb, but how is it overpowered? The damage seems mostly reasonable to me, and the darkness is just an added benefit that lasts for a single round.
6d8 is pretty much the same as 8d6, which is the damage of fireball, which is intentionally overpowered. It also adds darkness, which can severely hinder some foes. It has a much better damage type and ability score for the save (intelligence saving throw proficiency is rare). Overall it might not be incredibly overpowered, but it is definitely more so than I would allow. I love the spell, the damage just needs to be a tiny bit lower. It also becomes ridiculous if you somehow manage to increase the duration.
I acknowledge that the damage might be a bit much. I’ll fix that now. But also, it’s a Wisdom save, not an Intelligence save.
(FYI it was supposed to be necrotic not psychic damage)
I'd say it's good now. Still pretty powerful if you can extend the duration, but thats not fixable.
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You have pact armor that your patron has granted you. You choose what kind of mundane armor it is when you conjure it for the first time. In addition, it cannot be plate or splint when you conjure it the first time. You are considered to be proficient with this armor while you wear it.
As a bonus action, you can temporarily dismiss your pact armor. It disappears into an extradimensional space where it awaits your summons. As a bonus action while it is temporarily dismissed, you can cause it to reappear. Conjuring the armor instantly dons it. When you doff any piece of this armor, you dismiss the full set of armor. It also disappears if you die.
You can transform one set of armor into your pact armor by performing a special ritual while you hold the set of armor. You perform the ritual over the course of 1 hour, which can be done during a short rest. You can then dismiss the set of armor, shunting it into the extradimensional space, and it appears whenever you create your pact armor thereafter. You can’t affect an artifact or a sentient set of armor in this way. The armor ceases being your pact armor if you die, if you perform the 1-hour ritual on a different set of armor, or if you use a 1-hour ritual to break your bond to it. The armor appears at your feet if it is in the extradimensional space when the bond breaks.
In addition, if there is a Strength requirement for your pact armor, it instead has an Intelligence requirement of the same amount.
Heavy armor for the warlock, neat. Though requiring 15 INT for plate is a hefty investment for a CHA-caster. Assuming PB we're talking about requiring an ASI or intentionally lowering your CON which is probably not worth it.
I like it. Consider putting it on the wizard spell list, as this could be a fun tool for dex-based eldrtich knights and arcane tricksters. Archery rangers probably will go for archery fighting style instead of druidic warrior.
I have just made the Path of Focus barbarian subclass, which is an unusual take on the barbarian, built for dexterity based barbarians rather than strength based.
Aight so this one is a little tricky as it ignores a lot of barbarian conventions. My feedback is probably gonna be hella biased and somewhat harsh, but I intend no offence or disrespect. You've clearly put a lot of creative effort in differentiating a DEX-barbarian from its STR-based cousins and I think that as a concept, a skill-based barbarian with a single-minded focus on their weapon training can work.
That said, there's a couple notable style guide things to take a look at. Official material does stuff like writing "3rd level" instead of "level three." In crossbow mastery, we read "ignore the loading property" instead of "lose the heavy property." The accessible writing guidelines of 5e do come with their own issues, but it is an important part of the branding and readability of the material.
Personal opinion incoming: the flavour text comes off a little heavy-handed. If you can stomach a bit of creative writing critique:
Among the rarest of the barbarians are those who hone their skills and their minds as one. This opening line lacks focus and identity and therefore power. You either want to create a hook or make a single statement to summarise the fantasy. For example: "Barbarians who follow the Path of Focus believe their minds need be as sharp as their blades." This focuses in on "The Zone" which encompasses total concentration, which is the core identity of this subclass. The quiet efficiency of their attacks is often far more unsettling than the loudest war cry, the cold, calculated fury in their eyes a testament to long years spent channelling their anger inwards, to fuel their motions without clouding their judgement. This line reads as a judgement, rather than a description. It discredits other barbarian subclasses in order to appear powerful. It also reads very angsty. Both these things can be a big turn-off for many players.
Path of Focus barbarians specialise in the use of a single type of weapon. This line removes any component of storytelling from the class description. In the flavour text, you want to focus on the fantasy, mechanics come later. When they rage, they enter "The Zone," their whole world contracts to them, their weapon, and their enemies. Their unparalleled training pays off, and they channel their undying anger and rage through their weapon and into their foes, their weapons swinging impossibly fast, leaving bright smears of light as they pass. Name-dropping the Zone is good, but besides repeating the same issues I have with the above paragraph, you're also repeating the same messages. You want every line to count. If a reader doesn't need to read a sentence to catch the message, that sentence doesn't need to be there.
Do with my opinion what you will, of course, but RP is a big part of D&D and therefore stuff like flavour text is important!
Anyhow, onto the mechanical side of things.
Your Chosen Weapon
Sure, this works.
The Zone
Choosing between Rage and Zone is cool. I like that.
If you need to be in the Zone to get the finesse benefit, this can present a significant issue in the earlier levels and longer adventuring days for the intended DEX focus build.
We already add proficiency to out attack rolls. A level 1 barbarian with 16 STR has +5 to hit (2 from proficiency, 3 from strength modifier.) I assume you're doubling proficiency here. This is a DPR increase over rage, especially combined with stuff like GWM. While this might be a concious design consideration in combination with my previous point, keep in mind this will make a character feel very swing-y.
I'm very iffy about raising the AC with barb level. Sure you don't take half damage, but consider that you're likely at 16 DEX and CON at level 1, which is 16 AC. This gives you 17 AC when you zone at level 1. That's fine. It gives you 27 AC at level 10 (assuming you spent your ASI on GWM and +2 DEX). This is not fine. Sure you're balancing this with concentration but this can make for an incredibly swingy and unpredictable character that performs inconsistently. That can be very frustrating for a player and DM alike. Sometimes you're a unhittable juggernaut, sometimes a couple goblins burn through your resources for the day in 3 turns.
Fury Unleashed
The barbarian isn't the most MAD class out there, but the Zone really wants you to have high DEX (attacks, AC, initiative, saves) and CON (AC and also dropping concentration is oof), you probably want to spend a feat on GWM and now you're adding STR to that list. Most normal barbs sit at 14 DEX with medium armor, but at level 6 14 STR puts you real far behind bounded accuracy. Reckless does help, but still.
Flowing with the currents of fate
Mechanically this is aight. You could probably make it it half movement without it being broken. Scouts get half movement at level 3 and they can use ranged weapons effectively.
Flavourwise, however, this completely goes against the hyper aggressive coldblooded murderer sense you've set up. I understand positioning is important in combat, but it just feels off.
Fateweaver
This feels a little better because it is a reaction attack, but I'm still not really seeing it. I also really don't understand the flavour angle in the context of the rest of the .pdf. You might wanna clear that up a bit for the reader or tighten your focus/identity.
Amendments & Clarifications to Standard Barbarian Features
These are fine, but keep in mind that primal champion is the 20th level feature ;)
(FYI it was supposed to be necrotic not psychic damage)
I think the damage is still pretty up there. 4d10 is 22 average. When we look at other 3rd level spells that both create control and deal damage, Tidal Wave deals 3d8 (13.5avg in 30 ft line, 10 ft wide). Erupting Earth deals 3d12 (19.5avg in 20 ft cube). Ice Storm, a 4th level spell, deals 4d6+2d8 (21avg in 20 ft cube) damage. The exact numbers are up to you, but I'd personally lower it to 3d10 or so.
Otherwise a single round darkess with some rider damage is really cool.
(FYI it was supposed to be necrotic not psychic damage)
I think the damage is still pretty up there. 4d10 is 22 average. When we look at other 3rd level spells that both create control and deal damage, Tidal Wave deals 3d8 (13.5avg in 30 ft line, 10 ft wide). Erupting Earth deals 3d12 (19.5avg in 20 ft cube). Ice Storm, a 4th level spell, deals 4d6+2d8 (21avg in 20 ft cube) damage. The exact numbers are up to you, but I'd personally lower it to 3d10 or so.
Otherwise a single round darkess with some rider damage is really cool.
It is high, but the duration is very short.
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The first time you make a melee weapon attack as part of your action with a spear, javelin, lance, pike, or trident each turn, the reach of the attack increases by 5 feet.
Languages Understands Common and Draconic but can't speak, Telepathy 20 ft.
Challenge 3 (700 XP)
Innate Spellcasting (Psionics). The wyrmling’s innate spellcasting ability is Intelligence (spell save DC 12, +4 to hit with spell attacks). It can innately cast the following spells, requiring no components:
At Will: guidance, resistance
3/day each: detect evil and good, sanctuary
1/day each: beast sense, blur
Actions
Bite.Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit, reach 5ft., one target. Hit 12 (2d10 + 2)piercing damage, plus 3 (1d6) force damage.
Temporal Disturbance. The wyrmling creates a bubble of unsettled time around itself. It teleports to an unoccupied point it can see within 30 feet of it. It's flying and walking speeds are then reduced by 30 feet next turn, and it gains resistance to nonmagical bludgeoning, slashing, and piercing damage dealt to it before the start of its next turn.
Look at the spells I compared it to. Tidal Wave is 1 turn, Ice Storm is 1 turn. Erupting Earth leaves lasting difficult terrain for longer, sure, but that chance to fall prone is only 1 turn. All of the control effects also allow for a saving throw to resist. Darkness doesn't. It might not be as immediately powerful as dropping an enemy prone for an ally to have advantage, but it does force movement or forgoing a turn (they're blinded, just don't stand in the same spot you were before you cast it when their turn comes.)
Languages Understands Common and Draconic but can't speak, Telepathy 20 ft.
Challenge 3 (700 XP)
Innate Spellcasting (Psionics). The wyrmling’s innate spellcasting ability is Intelligence (spell save DC 12, +4 to hit with spell attacks). It can innately cast the following spells, requiring no components:
At Will: guidance, resistance
3/day each: detect evil and good, sanctuary
1/day each: beast sense, blur
Actions
Bite.Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit, reach 5ft., one target. Hit 12 (2d10 + 2)piercing damage, plus 3 (1d6) force damage.
Temporal Disturbance. The wyrmling creates a bubble of unsettled time around itself. It teleports to an unoccupied point it can see within 30 feet of it. It's flying and walking speeds are then reduced by 30 feet next turn, and it gains resistance to nonmagical bludgeoning, slashing, and piercing damage dealt to it before the start of its next turn.
Nothing to see here.
Cool!
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The first time you make a melee weapon attack as part of your action with a spear, javelin, lance, pike, or trident each turn, the reach of the attack increases by 5 feet.
Nice.
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It's interesting, but I feel there are a few issues:
Ranger's are druidic fighters, and aren't primarily spellcasters, so getting a free spell isn't thematic (unless it's Hunter's Mark). Also, it's weak, when most feats give you two spells (1 first and one second, or one first and two cantrips), all of which you can cast at least once.
Forgoing (RAW) two spells over two long rests to cast the arguably lesser-powered spell speak with animals is like forgoing a +2 bonus to an attack roll for a +1 bonus to an attack roll that has disadvantage. It's even weaker, and you only get 1 spell out of it, which means the whole spells section is woefully under powered.
The extra skill proficiency sweetens the wound but it's also unthematic and doesn't truly help with this feat.
The feat feels like it misunderstands the Ranger to a woeful amount. I'm sorry!
On a scale of 0-7, with zero being this will never work and 7 being "wasn't this an official thing? duh", I rank:
3/7 for mechanics - balance is off and wording is tricky. It's not the worst, but it's pretty bad. Also, making it WIS-based just limits it all further, because that's a dump stat for most classes that don't already have these features or better ones. 1/7 for thematics - theme feels like it takes a back foot and it just isn't a Ranger feat at all. 5/7 for theoretics - I like the multiclass feats. A lot. Feed me more
Paladin Initiate (Fixed. I forgot to include that charisma was the spellcasting ability)
Now we're talking.
The spells are, once again, unthematic for a paladin. They're a round-down-half-caster, they're outclassed by the accursed Artificer! However, they're handled better here, but they're still weak.
The pseudo-divine smite is great, but it's got unnecessary baggage from the preceding spell. Maybe just cut the spell and make it you can smite a number of times equal to PB per long rest, and maybe decrease damage to d4s or d6s?
The smite feature definitely gets the Paladin style right, but it's weighed down by severe power and thematic issues by the feat's other benefits.
On a scale of 0-7, with zero being this will never work and 7 being "wasn't this an official thing? duh", I rank:
4/7 for mechanics - the smite is good, needs more of a kick or two though. Cut out the spell, as well. 5/7 for thematics - theme feels like it takes a Paladin, distills it into a nice package, and then for some reason dunks it all in some arcane weirdness. Needs some fixing, but nothing drastic. 4/7 for theoretics - As I said, I like class-inspired feats. However, I feel this particular feat is extremely weak in the hands of all those it most seeks to aid (eg. sorcerer or other non-Paladin classes), but it is intrinsically broken when added to, say, a hexblade Warlock allowing them to take a level in paladin for free and smite their enemies to beyond the grave. The damage needs to be less, it needs to be spread out more, and making it CHA-based just limits it all further, because that's a dump stat for most classes.
It's interesting, but I feel there are a few issues:
Ranger's are druidic fighters, and aren't primarily spellcasters, so getting a free spell isn't thematic (unless it's Hunter's Mark). Also, it's weak, when most feats give you two spells (1 first and one second, or one first and two cantrips), all of which you can cast at least once.
Forgoing (RAW) two spells over two long rests to cast the arguably lesser-powered spell speak with animals is like forgoing a +2 bonus to an attack roll for a +1 bonus to an attack roll that has disadvantage. It's even weaker, and you only get 1 spell out of it, which means the whole spells section is woefully under powered.
The extra skill proficiency sweetens the wound but it's also unthematic and doesn't truly help with this feat.
The feat feels like it misunderstands the Ranger to a woeful amount. I'm sorry!
On a scale of 0-7, with zero being this will never work and 7 being "wasn't this an official thing? duh", I rank:
3/7 for mechanics - balance is off and wording is tricky. It's not the worst, but it's pretty bad. Also, making it WIS-based just limits it all further, because that's a dump stat for most classes that don't already have these features or better ones. 1/7 for thematics - theme feels like it takes a back foot and it just isn't a Ranger feat at all. 5/7 for theoretics - I like the multiclass feats. A lot. Feed me more
Paladin Initiate (Fixed. I forgot to include that charisma was the spellcasting ability)
Now we're talking.
The spells are, once again, unthematic for a paladin. They're a round-down-half-caster, they're outclassed by the accursed Artificer! However, they're handled better here, but they're still weak.
The pseudo-divine smite is great, but it's got unnecessary baggage from the preceding spell. Maybe just cut the spell and make it you can smite a number of times equal to PB per long rest, and maybe decrease damage to d4s or d6s?
The smite feature definitely gets the Paladin style right, but it's weighed down by severe power and thematic issues by the feat's other benefits.
On a scale of 0-7, with zero being this will never work and 7 being "wasn't this an official thing? duh", I rank:
4/7 for mechanics - the smite is good, needs more of a kick or two though. Cut out the spell, as well. 5/7 for thematics - theme feels like it takes a Paladin, distills it into a nice package, and then for some reason dunks it all in some arcane weirdness. Needs some fixing, but nothing drastic. 4/7 for theoretics - As I said, I like class-inspired feats. However, I feel this particular feat is extremely weak in the hands of all those it most seeks to aid (eg. sorcerer or other non-Paladin classes), but it is intrinsically broken when added to, say, a hexblade Warlock allowing them to take a level in paladin for free and smite their enemies to beyond the grave. The damage needs to be less, it needs to be spread out more, and making it CHA-based just limits it all further, because that's a dump stat for most classes.
How would you fix the Ranger Initiate?
(PS the ranger speak with animals does not require you to spend two long rests, it functions the same as casting the chosen spell
and also artificers are also half-casters but have a spell in their feat)
On the Artificer extra spell: Artificer is a magic inventor who magics things. Lots of magics, and plus it's a round-up-caster, so it makes even more sense.
On the fixing Ranger Initiate: Make it a better Hunter's Mark that's perpetual, basically.
@superparaplu, Thankyou for the in-depth critique! Here's V2 of the Path of Focus!
I have gone through and amended the wording to read "At nth level" and "ignore the heavy property"
I have amended the Chosen Weapon to reflect the wording of Finesse, all the time, without actually being finesse. This removes unwanted interactions with Sneak Attack, if the player multiclasses to rogue! (reckless attack + sneak attack + the zone = too much!)
I have amended the wording for the proficiency bonus - the key thing here is that it is for the barbarian level, not your total level, so if you only dip into it, you don't keep getting more out of it whilst leveling up other classes!
Raising the AC is kind of what the class is about - it's about not being hit, rather than tanking the hits. Perhaps I need to make a different mechanic for this? Maybe something along the lines of the Fateweaver ability at 14th level, of rolling a dice and deducting it from a hit roll? I will ponder this further. The goal is to make them hit well, and snake around enemy attacks.
I would have guessed "GWM" means Great Weapon Master, but I can't see how that feat (being all about either making extra attacks or dealing extra damage) gets you +10 to AC? I'd really appreciate it if you can explain what you've done to get 27AC!
Fury Unleashed is more of a bonus, I realise that The Zone improves as you level up so the class is quite heavily frontloaded, so I didn't want to give too good of a bonus at this level. The main thing is thematic and in not wasting a rage/zone. It would suck to enter the zone, then get hit and break concentration, and that's it. At least with this, they can immediately rage (for free) and get their resistance to damage and bonus damage for their (now normal) attacks. Plus, now it's reworded, they can choose between using strength and getting the rage bonus or using dexterity and not, depending on which is statistically more likely to help them. It's more of a safety net than a core feature!
I've adjusted the Flowing with the Currents of Fate slightly, so you can choose between 3 options when an attack misses - Reaction to move 15ft., Reaction to make an opportunity attack, or Recover your reaction (so if people keep missing you, you will keep doing things). I may remove the recover reaction, I'll need to try it out in-game!
I've rewritten the flavour text to better reflect the desired aspects of the class (insane skill and focus) rather than my own weird fate stuff. That's more for my own character that I want to run with this!
I'm going to compare this to Artillerist, as it is the closest existing subclass to your one!
Being a 2-handed ranged weapon instead of an independent creature is roughly equal - lose the ability to split up, gain the ability not to have your cannon mobbed and killed.
Initial 2d6 damage and later 4d6 damage is about right, might be worth splitting it further to 2d6, 3d6, 4d6, for a better feeling of progression.
Wyrms Breath. This seems somewhat excessively powerful. It's a bonus action, and isn't an attack, so assuming a 16 in intelligence, you have a guy with a cannon at level 3 who deals:
2d6 + intelligence modifier of chosen damage to one enemy
2d6 + intelligence modifier of chosen damage to everyone in a 30ft. line who fails dex. save
and that just keeps going up. It's very powerful. Also, what is the Dex save DC? If this against your spell save DC?
Wyrm Shell. In my mind, this cantrip is being cast on the target of the cannons shot - range is overruled, and the cantrip targets the same target as the cannon. Is this the intent? Otherwise you can be shooting one person and then acid spraying another. It needs some words to explain that it is cast at the same target, as the rest of the description implies it. Poison Spray has a 10ft. range, so it'll need overruling!
Iron Scales. This bit seems to go a little sideways from the theme. Everything thus far has been about dealing as much damage as a dragon, and doing so in a similar manner to a dragon. When someone thinks of a dragon, the first two things they think of are "Fire breathing" and "Flying". You've nailed fire-breathing (or element of your choice) but I would consider the ability to fly to be somewhat more of a draw.
Obviously this next suggestion involves a good deal of rewriting, but if you were to take the 3 aspects of a dragon - flying, breath-weapon, and armoured scales - and then give the artificer those 3 things to advance as they choose, but without the ability to get all of them to full power (say 3 steps on each, and they have 6 steps available) then they can tailor if they want flight, armour, or firepower.
All in all, it sounds like a really good class and is sufficiently different to the artillerist to make it fit well!
On the Artificer extra spell: Artificer is a magic inventor who magics things. Lots of magics, and plus it's a round-up-caster, so it makes even more sense.
Yep. Me and my group have begin calling it a three-quarters caster.
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6d8 is pretty much the same as 8d6, which is the damage of fireball, which is intentionally overpowered. It also adds darkness, which can severely hinder some foes. It has a much better damage type and ability score for the save (intelligence saving throw proficiency is rare). Overall it might not be incredibly overpowered, but it is definitely more so than I would allow. I love the spell, the damage just needs to be a tiny bit lower. It also becomes ridiculous if you somehow manage to increase the duration.
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I acknowledge that the damage might be a bit much. I’ll fix that now. But also, it’s a Wisdom save, not an Intelligence save.
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Spells, Monsters, Magic Items, Feats, Subclasses.
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Extended Signature
Call Shadows 1.1
(FYI it was supposed to be necrotic not psychic damage)
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My homebrew stuff:
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Extended Signature
I'd say it's good now. Still pretty powerful if you can extend the duration, but thats not fixable.
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Hey all, I read this is the place to discuss and review homebrew on DNDB, so I was hoping I could get some feedback on this subclass here.
Of course, quid pro quo, so here we go.
Heavy armor for the warlock, neat. Though requiring 15 INT for plate is a hefty investment for a CHA-caster. Assuming PB we're talking about requiring an ASI or intentionally lowering your CON which is probably not worth it.
I like it. Consider putting it on the wizard spell list, as this could be a fun tool for dex-based eldrtich knights and arcane tricksters. Archery rangers probably will go for archery fighting style instead of druidic warrior.
Aight so this one is a little tricky as it ignores a lot of barbarian conventions. My feedback is probably gonna be hella biased and somewhat harsh, but I intend no offence or disrespect. You've clearly put a lot of creative effort in differentiating a DEX-barbarian from its STR-based cousins and I think that as a concept, a skill-based barbarian with a single-minded focus on their weapon training can work.
That said, there's a couple notable style guide things to take a look at. Official material does stuff like writing "3rd level" instead of "level three." In crossbow mastery, we read "ignore the loading property" instead of "lose the heavy property." The accessible writing guidelines of 5e do come with their own issues, but it is an important part of the branding and readability of the material.
Personal opinion incoming: the flavour text comes off a little heavy-handed. If you can stomach a bit of creative writing critique:
Among the rarest of the barbarians are those who hone their skills and their minds as one. This opening line lacks focus and identity and therefore power. You either want to create a hook or make a single statement to summarise the fantasy. For example: "Barbarians who follow the Path of Focus believe their minds need be as sharp as their blades." This focuses in on "The Zone" which encompasses total concentration, which is the core identity of this subclass. The quiet efficiency of their attacks is often far more unsettling than the loudest war cry, the cold, calculated fury in their eyes a testament to long years spent channelling their anger inwards, to fuel their motions without clouding their judgement. This line reads as a judgement, rather than a description. It discredits other barbarian subclasses in order to appear powerful. It also reads very angsty. Both these things can be a big turn-off for many players.
Path of Focus barbarians specialise in the use of a single type of weapon. This line removes any component of storytelling from the class description. In the flavour text, you want to focus on the fantasy, mechanics come later. When they rage, they enter "The Zone," their whole world contracts to them, their weapon, and their enemies. Their unparalleled training pays off, and they channel their undying anger and rage through their weapon and into their foes, their weapons swinging impossibly fast, leaving bright smears of light as they pass. Name-dropping the Zone is good, but besides repeating the same issues I have with the above paragraph, you're also repeating the same messages. You want every line to count. If a reader doesn't need to read a sentence to catch the message, that sentence doesn't need to be there.
Do with my opinion what you will, of course, but RP is a big part of D&D and therefore stuff like flavour text is important!
Anyhow, onto the mechanical side of things.
Your Chosen Weapon
Sure, this works.
The Zone
Fury Unleashed
The barbarian isn't the most MAD class out there, but the Zone really wants you to have high DEX (attacks, AC, initiative, saves) and CON (AC and also dropping concentration is oof), you probably want to spend a feat on GWM and now you're adding STR to that list. Most normal barbs sit at 14 DEX with medium armor, but at level 6 14 STR puts you real far behind bounded accuracy. Reckless does help, but still.
Flowing with the currents of fate
Mechanically this is aight. You could probably make it it half movement without it being broken. Scouts get half movement at level 3 and they can use ranged weapons effectively.
Flavourwise, however, this completely goes against the hyper aggressive coldblooded murderer sense you've set up. I understand positioning is important in combat, but it just feels off.
Fateweaver
This feels a little better because it is a reaction attack, but I'm still not really seeing it. I also really don't understand the flavour angle in the context of the rest of the .pdf. You might wanna clear that up a bit for the reader or tighten your focus/identity.
Amendments & Clarifications to Standard Barbarian Features
These are fine, but keep in mind that primal champion is the 20th level feature ;)
I think the damage is still pretty up there. 4d10 is 22 average. When we look at other 3rd level spells that both create control and deal damage, Tidal Wave deals 3d8 (13.5avg in 30 ft line, 10 ft wide). Erupting Earth deals 3d12 (19.5avg in 20 ft cube). Ice Storm, a 4th level spell, deals 4d6+2d8 (21avg in 20 ft cube) damage. The exact numbers are up to you, but I'd personally lower it to 3d10 or so.
Otherwise a single round darkess with some rider damage is really cool.
Homebrew creations:
Path of the Feral Trance Barbarian Class | Thread
Wyrmforge Artificer Class | Thread
1. You are correct.
2. Your subclass looks awesome! Definitely a little too powerful, but absolutely awesome! Consider lowering the damage of Wyrm’s Breath.
Unrelated homebrew:
Paladin Initiate
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It is high, but the duration is very short.
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Bump
and also a homebrew fighting style
Fighting Style: Spear Fighting
Classes: Fighter, Paladin, Ranger
The first time you make a melee weapon attack as part of your action with a spear, javelin, lance, pike, or trident each turn, the reach of the attack increases by 5 feet.
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Temporal Dragon Wyrmling
Medium dragon
Innate Spellcasting (Psionics). The wyrmling’s innate spellcasting ability is Intelligence (spell save DC 12, +4 to hit with spell attacks). It can innately cast the following spells, requiring no components:
At Will: guidance, resistance
3/day each: detect evil and good, sanctuary
1/day each: beast sense, blur
Actions
Bite. Melee Weapon Attack: +4 to hit, reach 5ft., one target. Hit 12 (2d10 + 2)piercing damage, plus 3 (1d6) force damage.
Temporal Disturbance. The wyrmling creates a bubble of unsettled time around itself. It teleports to an unoccupied point it can see within 30 feet of it. It's flying and walking speeds are then reduced by 30 feet next turn, and it gains resistance to nonmagical bludgeoning, slashing, and piercing damage dealt to it before the start of its next turn.
Nothing to see here.
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Look at the spells I compared it to. Tidal Wave is 1 turn, Ice Storm is 1 turn. Erupting Earth leaves lasting difficult terrain for longer, sure, but that chance to fall prone is only 1 turn. All of the control effects also allow for a saving throw to resist. Darkness doesn't. It might not be as immediately powerful as dropping an enemy prone for an ally to have advantage, but it does force movement or forgoing a turn (they're blinded, just don't stand in the same spot you were before you cast it when their turn comes.)
Could you give me some comparisons and/or scenarios in which you believe it is too powerful? I did quite a bit of math to get to these numbers.
Paladin initiate is... Surprisingly cool, actually.
Homebrew creations:
Path of the Feral Trance Barbarian Class | Thread
Wyrmforge Artificer Class | Thread
Cool!
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Nice.
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Here’s a pair of homebrews I’d like to get feedback on:
Ranger Initiate
Paladin Initiate (Fixed. I forgot to include that charisma was the spellcasting ability)
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It's interesting, but I feel there are a few issues:
The feat feels like it misunderstands the Ranger to a woeful amount. I'm sorry!
On a scale of 0-7, with zero being this will never work and 7 being "wasn't this an official thing? duh", I rank:
3/7 for mechanics - balance is off and wording is tricky. It's not the worst, but it's pretty bad. Also, making it WIS-based just limits it all further, because that's a dump stat for most classes that don't already have these features or better ones.
1/7 for thematics - theme feels like it takes a back foot and it just isn't a Ranger feat at all.
5/7 for theoretics - I like the multiclass feats. A lot. Feed me more
Now we're talking.
The smite feature definitely gets the Paladin style right, but it's weighed down by severe power and thematic issues by the feat's other benefits.
On a scale of 0-7, with zero being this will never work and 7 being "wasn't this an official thing? duh", I rank:
4/7 for mechanics - the smite is good, needs more of a kick or two though. Cut out the spell, as well.
5/7 for thematics - theme feels like it takes a Paladin, distills it into a nice package, and then for some reason dunks it all in some arcane weirdness. Needs some fixing, but nothing drastic.
4/7 for theoretics - As I said, I like class-inspired feats. However, I feel this particular feat is extremely weak in the hands of all those it most seeks to aid (eg. sorcerer or other non-Paladin classes), but it is intrinsically broken when added to, say, a hexblade Warlock allowing them to take a level in paladin for free and smite their enemies to beyond the grave. The damage needs to be less, it needs to be spread out more, and making it CHA-based just limits it all further, because that's a dump stat for most classes.
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How would you fix the Ranger Initiate?
(PS the ranger speak with animals does not require you to spend two long rests, it functions the same as casting the chosen spell
and also artificers are also half-casters but have a spell in their feat)
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On the Artificer extra spell: Artificer is a magic inventor who magics things. Lots of magics, and plus it's a round-up-caster, so it makes even more sense.
On the fixing Ranger Initiate: Make it a better Hunter's Mark that's perpetual, basically.
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@superparaplu, Thankyou for the in-depth critique! Here's V2 of the Path of Focus!
V2:
Path of Focus Barbarian
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
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Now to return the favour @superpalapru:
I'm going to compare this to Artillerist, as it is the closest existing subclass to your one!
Being a 2-handed ranged weapon instead of an independent creature is roughly equal - lose the ability to split up, gain the ability not to have your cannon mobbed and killed.
Initial 2d6 damage and later 4d6 damage is about right, might be worth splitting it further to 2d6, 3d6, 4d6, for a better feeling of progression.
Wyrms Breath. This seems somewhat excessively powerful. It's a bonus action, and isn't an attack, so assuming a 16 in intelligence, you have a guy with a cannon at level 3 who deals:
and that just keeps going up. It's very powerful. Also, what is the Dex save DC? If this against your spell save DC?
Wyrm Shell. In my mind, this cantrip is being cast on the target of the cannons shot - range is overruled, and the cantrip targets the same target as the cannon. Is this the intent? Otherwise you can be shooting one person and then acid spraying another. It needs some words to explain that it is cast at the same target, as the rest of the description implies it. Poison Spray has a 10ft. range, so it'll need overruling!
Iron Scales. This bit seems to go a little sideways from the theme. Everything thus far has been about dealing as much damage as a dragon, and doing so in a similar manner to a dragon. When someone thinks of a dragon, the first two things they think of are "Fire breathing" and "Flying". You've nailed fire-breathing (or element of your choice) but I would consider the ability to fly to be somewhat more of a draw.
Obviously this next suggestion involves a good deal of rewriting, but if you were to take the 3 aspects of a dragon - flying, breath-weapon, and armoured scales - and then give the artificer those 3 things to advance as they choose, but without the ability to get all of them to full power (say 3 steps on each, and they have 6 steps available) then they can tailor if they want flight, armour, or firepower.
All in all, it sounds like a really good class and is sufficiently different to the artillerist to make it fit well!
Make your Artificer work with any other class with 174 Multiclassing Feats for your Artificer Multiclass Character!
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I have started discussing/reviewing 3rd party D&D content on Substack - stay tuned for semi-regular posts!
Yep. Me and my group have begin calling it a three-quarters caster.
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Here are the revised feats! Tell me what you think!
Paladin Initiate 1.2
Ranger Initiate 1.2
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My homebrew stuff:
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