I am deleting this text as I found out the problem player this text referred to is gonna start doing content on the dnd beyond forums and may find the post so this post is closed. Thank you for all who were willing to help

This isn’t really a “homebrew” issue, it’s a player issue. You’ve already spoken to them about their behavior and they haven’t changed. It might be time to think about how to tell them they are no longer welcome at your table. Not if you should disinvite them, how to disinvite them.

I would not let them know when the next session will be. Doing the in fact, not inviting. 

It's true they might take one of your players with them, but nobody needs the level of negativity you are expressing.

One player does not have the right to ruin the experience for everyone, let alone be abusive. You've tried to ask for reasonable changes and have been denied. This person is making it clear they are not thinking or behaving collaboratively. If they aren't willing to bend, what's best for the group is for them to go.

If you're concerned about the significant other, I'd approach him separately with a head's up. "I know you care about them, but their behavior is disruptive and causing issues for the whole table. To be fair to the group, I'm going to remove them from the game because it's not a good fit right now. I would love for you to keep playing, though I understand if you'd rather only play with them. If they're willing to meet me halfway, I'd be open to inviting them back." 

I highly discourage just not inviting the person to the next session. Stuff like this does not sort itself out quietly, especially when the disruptive person is dating a player who would be getting the invite. It's a hard conversation, but it's one that needs to be had either in person or written. Good luck. 

Quote from theologyofbagels >>

I highly discourage just not inviting the person to the next session. Stuff like this does not sort itself out quietly, especially when the disruptive person is dating a player who would be getting the invite. It's a hard conversation, but it's one that needs to be had either in person or written. Good luck. 

 
Agreed. It’s important to have the conversation, regardless of how difficult it might be. Just ghosting is never the best solution, especially if they’re dating someone who would be invited.

its ok to remove someone from your table

There are two separate issues here really.

Showing up inconsistently doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. I have had games with folks like that and I just plan for them not to be there. They kind of turn into a "special guest" and you just toss in an extra monster or so in encounters when they show up and you're good.

Now the other issue seems to be that you guys just aren't getting along, and I'm not sure if fixing the first issue would solve this one too or if you two just aren't compatible. In that case it's generally best for everyone to part ways.

Removing this text due to liklihood the problemed player mentioned will find it

I'm sorry you've had to deal with this. I've had players rage at me when I called out their toxic behavior, too, and it is never easy to endure. 

You and your other players deserve better. Part ways and start enjoying D&D again. 

Thank you to all on here who helped me get through this. You're all a star and have really set me at ease.