It has several times before. But I hereby decree that I shall assist in the back on tracking! By not posting on this until it gets back to normal. Peace!
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she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
DM: You don't have to be that way Most high elves are rarely seen But they act only a smidge higher than everyone else They are still rich and rich snobs in that, you aren't as you are an orphaned rogue, but yea
Me: ~~***New York Style Cheese Pizza***~~
DM: That Yes
Me: Pizzas are High Elves?
DM: More or less Racially they are different But same idea
From a stream involving investigating malicious furniture:
Furniture Shopkeeper from his bedroom window over his shop: "It's 3AM in the morning! What do you want?" All 5 members of the party in the street below, at the exact same time: "CHAIRS!"
Later inside the shop:
Shopkeeper: "Which is it? Are you looking for chairs or looking for information?" Rogue: "Yes!"
Later after mentioning a rival furniture business which was also after a few bits of smashed furniture.
Rogue: "Where is this business?" Shopkeeper: "Are you going to go over there to interrogate them, too?" Rogue: "Probably. Yeah." DM: He draws you an incredibly detailed map how to get to the shop, where the possible entrances into the place are, and where the guards patrol in the area.
Just before leaving:
Paladin: "I have a tip for you (shopkeeper). Have the customers build their own furniture but charge the same price and give it a weird Swedish name."
Just before leaving the encounter with the 2nd shopkeeper:
Paladin: "I have a tip for you (2nd shopkeeper). Build a one-way winding path through your entire store so customers get so confused that they just have to buy something."
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
(For context, this was in yet another steampunk-ish homebrew campaign)
So, in typical easily distracted form, the party rogue (played once again by yours truly) had gone off wandering the airship that the party had paid for passage on, mostly just looking around. Thanks to the dice being, well, dice, he/they ended up getting turned around and lost, and were quickly confronted by a deckhand.
"Hey, what are you doing here?! You'd better not be tampering with the baggage!"
He/they, surprisingly, actually hadn't messed with anything, as he/they knew the importance of getting to their destination as quickly as possible, and the airship they were on was the fastest available to them. This, he/they didn't want to at all risk getting the party kicked off. As such, he/they merely replied "Sorry; I'm a bit lost? Can you show me where my quarters would be, if you're able?"
Nat 20 on the persuasion check...
So, the dude left, leaving the item that we were supposed to be looking for at the ships destination, but was secretly being carried on the ship all along, ungaurded. The bard proceeded to snatch it, replace it with the fake one they had gotten from the quest giver at the beginning (given to them so that they would know what to look for), and everyone enjoyed the rest of the round trip without even having to bother with searching the sands for something that wasn't there, all thanks to my PC getting lost...
I think I broke the DM.
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- With all due respects, your friendly neighbourhood alchemist
This isn't a quote, but it is an "only in D&D" moment from near the end of last night's session.
Our party's rogue was unconscious but stable and was set as the bait of a trap by the bad guys. As my character got close to the rogue in the hopes of reviving her (not knowing there was a trap, well, the player knew, but the character didn't), the bad guys somehow dropped a tree on the two of us, forcing the rogue to make a death saving throw.
She rolled a nat 20, which revived her with 1 HP.
So she's unconscious but gains health, and consciousness, after being hit by a frikkin' tree.
I'm trying to convince her she now needs to multiclass as a druid, as the tree clearly chose to give its health to her.
=========================== Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters: Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
[The party is moving through the town.] Player 1: When we get to the marketplace- Player 5: Marketplace? I thought we were going to a tavern for information. Player 1: What? No. We're going to the marketplace for information. Player 2: I thought we agreed we were going to the palace for information. Player 3: We're not heading to the docks for information? Player 4 ooc to DM: We are walking through town. Right? Where are we going? DM: You [#4] were the one leading us through town. Where were you going? Player 4: I was going to look for information. Everyone else: Where?! Player 4: Everyone had good ideas. I figured we'd just start walking and [DM] would take us somewhere by default. DM: Nope. We are wandering around town with no particular destination. Player 1: Great. How long have we been wandering since this morning? DM: [rolls die] You might want to find lodging for the night. Player 1: We've been wandering around all day and nobody thought to say anything? Player 3: I was following you [#1]. Player 2: I was following her [#3]. Player 5: I'm just tagging along. Player 4: I guess we're going to an inn for information. Player 1: We're not following you anymore. DM: So, where are you going? Player 1: ... to an inn for information. *frown*
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Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider. My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong. I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲 “It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Me (DM): You know, you're supposed to be dead. You should probably come up with an alias (Several hours later) Blood Hunter: Call me Ray. Ray Pierre.
Me: Did you ever name the ship? Party: Nope. Me: Eh, you can come up with a real one later. For now, let's roll a placeholder in Ghosts of Saltmarsh. Your ship is called the (checks book)... Dawn Shark.
Background: The party had gone underwater to save a merfolk village from some Koalinths. They came back to the ship to find that it had been taken over by the cleric´s crazy, obsessive fiancee, a naval captain, who´s trying to kidnap the aforementioned cleric. They crawled onto the edge of the ship. Blood Hunter: I try to stab his eye out with my rapier. Me: ...what? okay, fine, roll. (Bloodhunter proceeds to roll weirdly well). Well... you take his eye out.
(After the ensuing fight) Me: Well, that´s over now. Bloodhunter: Oh wait, I still have the captain´s eye! Me: ...ok, what are you going to do with it? BH: ALCHEMY! Me: ...WHY WOULD YOU NEED HIS EYE? Is there a potion recipe reading ¨Leg of a hen, bred in mud/Eye of a pervert, stewed in blood?"
Cleric: Stop being racist against half-orcs! BH: Hey, I´m not... actually, yeah I am racist against half-orcs. Cleric: Pay him no mind. Half-Orc NPCs: No matter. We´ve dealt with prejudice before (quaking voice and melodramatic sniff)
BH (who was raise by merfolk): I speak to the merfolk in aquan: ¨Oy, Joey, how ya doin?¨ In our group, Aquan is now officially represented with a ridiculously heavy/terrible New Jersey accent.
Arcane Trickster (who was new and did not understand that spell components did not need to be individually purchased): I go looking for some red sand Me: You find some in a back alley, just lying there. Other party members: You know, you find some of that good ¨back alley sand¨
Arcane Trickster (Who now knows that he can just buy a focus): Hmm, can I use like a rock? Other party member: Well, there´s a crystal focus. Me (Stoner voice): Hey, what´s up man? You want to buy a magic crystal? It´s 7 gold, but I´m super high so I´ll give it to you for 6. Eh, 5. Nice doin' business.
I think that vendor had been hitting the back alley sand pretty hard.
“Hello hello I’m Penelope Half-Pint it’s so nice to see you and meet you and oh my gosh you're so epic and awesome and hey do you wanna help us fight this giant thing?” - Penelope
“Look! I showed up, none of you noticed, this thing has smacked me, there’s fish on the ground, your friend is in the ocean, are you going to kill it or not?!” “What you do mean there are fish on the ground? Who are you and why are you on this line?!” “Oooohh sushi!” - Selise, Keen, and Orkira
"Ahhhh! I JUST ABOUT KILLED YOU YOU CRAZY CHILD! DON'T EVER JUMP ME WHILE YOU'RE IN BEAR FORM AGAIN!" ( me to the werebear paladin who happens to be 8)
After finding the mimic that had been eating the local rock gnomes, the players decide to convince the mimic, improvised name Groger, to leave with some other form of food.
Hogar: How about eating pixies?
Groger: Oh I've tried pixies once, and boy was I tripping balls after that.
Hogar: Well I have this freshly picked mushroom, I can whip something up for you.
Hogar roles a 17 on survival, and gained advantage stage on persuasion, as the mimic is now his pet.
(Let's be honest tho there is no way that man is straight)
- With all due respects, your friendly neighbourhood alchemist
Um, I'm pretty sure this thread getting derailed.
There is no dawn after eternal night.
Homebrew: Magic items, Subclasses
It has several times before. But I hereby decree that I shall assist in the back on tracking! By not posting on this until it gets back to normal. Peace!
she/it pronouns
I watch. I wait. I listen. I like roleplaying games. Avid fan of messed up homebrew and horror rpgs. Lancer>dnd5e, go read Kill Six Billion Demons. I will shoot you with my transgenderification beam pew pew
Our DM... (This play-by-post btw)
Me: I'm a High Elf, is my character a jerk?
DM:
You don't have to be that way
Most high elves are rarely seen
But they act only a smidge higher than everyone else
They are still rich and rich snobs in that, you aren't as you are an orphaned rogue, but yea
Me:
~~***New York Style Cheese Pizza***~~
DM:
That
Yes
Me:
Pizzas are High Elves?
DM:
More or less
Racially they are different
But same idea
There is no dawn after eternal night.
Homebrew: Magic items, Subclasses
"I suspiciously watch everybody and make sure they aren't secretly giant apes."
Please check out my homebrew and give me feedback!
Subclasses | Races | Spells | Magic Items | Monsters | Feats | Backgrounds
"I feel safer in the frog"
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice
From a stream involving investigating malicious furniture:
Furniture Shopkeeper from his bedroom window over his shop: "It's 3AM in the morning! What do you want?"
All 5 members of the party in the street below, at the exact same time: "CHAIRS!"
Later inside the shop:
Shopkeeper: "Which is it? Are you looking for chairs or looking for information?"
Rogue: "Yes!"
Later after mentioning a rival furniture business which was also after a few bits of smashed furniture.
Rogue: "Where is this business?"
Shopkeeper: "Are you going to go over there to interrogate them, too?"
Rogue: "Probably. Yeah."
DM: He draws you an incredibly detailed map how to get to the shop, where the possible entrances into the place are, and where the guards patrol in the area.
Just before leaving:
Paladin: "I have a tip for you (shopkeeper). Have the customers build their own furniture but charge the same price and give it a weird Swedish name."
Just before leaving the encounter with the 2nd shopkeeper:
Paladin: "I have a tip for you (2nd shopkeeper). Build a one-way winding path through your entire store so customers get so confused that they just have to buy something."
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
(For context, this was in yet another steampunk-ish homebrew campaign)
So, in typical easily distracted form, the party rogue (played once again by yours truly) had gone off wandering the airship that the party had paid for passage on, mostly just looking around. Thanks to the dice being, well, dice, he/they ended up getting turned around and lost, and were quickly confronted by a deckhand.
"Hey, what are you doing here?! You'd better not be tampering with the baggage!"
He/they, surprisingly, actually hadn't messed with anything, as he/they knew the importance of getting to their destination as quickly as possible, and the airship they were on was the fastest available to them. This, he/they didn't want to at all risk getting the party kicked off. As such, he/they merely replied "Sorry; I'm a bit lost? Can you show me where my quarters would be, if you're able?"
Nat 20 on the persuasion check...
So, the dude left, leaving the item that we were supposed to be looking for at the ships destination, but was secretly being carried on the ship all along, ungaurded. The bard proceeded to snatch it, replace it with the fake one they had gotten from the quest giver at the beginning (given to them so that they would know what to look for), and everyone enjoyed the rest of the round trip without even having to bother with searching the sands for something that wasn't there, all thanks to my PC getting lost...
I think I broke the DM.
- With all due respects, your friendly neighbourhood alchemist
This isn't a quote, but it is an "only in D&D" moment from near the end of last night's session.
Our party's rogue was unconscious but stable and was set as the bait of a trap by the bad guys. As my character got close to the rogue in the hopes of reviving her (not knowing there was a trap, well, the player knew, but the character didn't), the bad guys somehow dropped a tree on the two of us, forcing the rogue to make a death saving throw.
She rolled a nat 20, which revived her with 1 HP.
So she's unconscious but gains health, and consciousness, after being hit by a frikkin' tree.
I'm trying to convince her she now needs to multiclass as a druid, as the tree clearly chose to give its health to her.
===========================
Laugh at life or life will laugh at you.
Current D&D Characters:
Kromen Flintfist, Hill Dwarf Order of the Scribes Wizard/Armorer Artificer
Eiphrok, Half-Orc Oath of Glory Paladin/Draconic Bloodline Sorcerer
[The party is moving through the town.]
Player 1: When we get to the marketplace-
Player 5: Marketplace? I thought we were going to a tavern for information.
Player 1: What? No. We're going to the marketplace for information.
Player 2: I thought we agreed we were going to the palace for information.
Player 3: We're not heading to the docks for information?
Player 4 ooc to DM: We are walking through town. Right? Where are we going?
DM: You [#4] were the one leading us through town. Where were you going?
Player 4: I was going to look for information.
Everyone else: Where?!
Player 4: Everyone had good ideas. I figured we'd just start walking and [DM] would take us somewhere by default.
DM: Nope. We are wandering around town with no particular destination.
Player 1: Great. How long have we been wandering since this morning?
DM: [rolls die] You might want to find lodging for the night.
Player 1: We've been wandering around all day and nobody thought to say anything?
Player 3: I was following you [#1].
Player 2: I was following her [#3].
Player 5: I'm just tagging along.
Player 4: I guess we're going to an inn for information.
Player 1: We're not following you anymore.
DM: So, where are you going?
Player 1: ... to an inn for information. *frown*
Human. Male. Possibly. Don't be a divider.
My characters' backgrounds are written like instruction manuals rather than stories. My opinion and preferences don't mean you're wrong.
I am 99.7603% convinced that the digital dice are messing with me. I roll high when nobody's looking and low when anyone else can see.🎲
“It's a bit early to be thinking about an epitaph. No?” will be my epitaph.
Me (DM): You know, you're supposed to be dead. You should probably come up with an alias
(Several hours later)
Blood Hunter: Call me Ray. Ray Pierre.
Me: Did you ever name the ship?
Party: Nope.
Me: Eh, you can come up with a real one later. For now, let's roll a placeholder in Ghosts of Saltmarsh. Your ship is called the (checks book)... Dawn Shark.
Background: The party had gone underwater to save a merfolk village from some Koalinths. They came back to the ship to find that it had been taken over by the cleric´s crazy, obsessive fiancee, a naval captain, who´s trying to kidnap the aforementioned cleric. They crawled onto the edge of the ship.
Blood Hunter: I try to stab his eye out with my rapier.
Me: ...what? okay, fine, roll. (Bloodhunter proceeds to roll weirdly well). Well... you take his eye out.
(After the ensuing fight)
Me: Well, that´s over now.
Bloodhunter: Oh wait, I still have the captain´s eye!
Me: ...ok, what are you going to do with it?
BH: ALCHEMY!
Me: ...WHY WOULD YOU NEED HIS EYE? Is there a potion recipe reading ¨Leg of a hen, bred in mud/Eye of a pervert, stewed in blood?"
Cleric: Stop being racist against half-orcs!
BH: Hey, I´m not... actually, yeah I am racist against half-orcs.
Cleric: Pay him no mind.
Half-Orc NPCs: No matter. We´ve dealt with prejudice before (quaking voice and melodramatic sniff)
BH (who was raise by merfolk): I speak to the merfolk in aquan: ¨Oy, Joey, how ya doin?¨
In our group, Aquan is now officially represented with a ridiculously heavy/terrible New Jersey accent.
Arcane Trickster (who was new and did not understand that spell components did not need to be individually purchased): I go looking for some red sand
Me: You find some in a back alley, just lying there.
Other party members: You know, you find some of that good ¨back alley sand¨
Arcane Trickster (Who now knows that he can just buy a focus): Hmm, can I use like a rock?
Other party member: Well, there´s a crystal focus.
Me (Stoner voice): Hey, what´s up man? You want to buy a magic crystal? It´s 7 gold, but I´m super high so I´ll give it to you for 6. Eh, 5. Nice doin' business.
I think that vendor had been hitting the back alley sand pretty hard.
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InsiderSome choice moments from Beyond Heroes yesterday:
“Hello hello I’m Penelope Half-Pint it’s so nice to see you and meet you and oh my gosh you're so epic and awesome and hey do you wanna help us fight this giant thing?” - Penelope
“Look! I showed up, none of you noticed, this thing has smacked me, there’s fish on the ground, your friend is in the ocean, are you going to kill it or not?!”
“What you do mean there are fish on the ground? Who are you and why are you on this line?!”
“Oooohh sushi!”
- Selise, Keen, and Orkira
“I one-shotted Death, I don’t fear you!” - Selise
Find me on Twitter: @OboeLauren
We recently found ourselves renting a ship to take us to a mysterious and magical island.
Ricky, Halfing Bard: Cannons! Ooh, can you shoot me out of one?
Crush, Tortle Barbarian: Yeah... once.
Watch Crits for Breakfast, an adults-only RP-Heavy Roll20 Livestream at twitch.tv/afterdisbooty
And now you too can play with the amazing art and assets we use in Roll20 for our campaign at Hazel's Emporium
"This is what happens when you put the atheist pyromancer and the water goddess on watch together!"
you get no context
I exist, and I guess so does this
"Who let the demon monkey babysit the aliens?!?!"
Please check out my homebrew, I would appreciate feedback:
Spells, Monsters, Subclasses, Races, Arcknight Class, Occultist Class, World, Enigmatic Esoterica forms
"Great, so now we have robots to smuggle across the border in a bag of now-stale bread"
This one may be a "you had to be there" thing
I exist, and I guess so does this
"Ahhhh! I JUST ABOUT KILLED YOU YOU CRAZY CHILD! DON'T EVER JUMP ME WHILE YOU'RE IN BEAR FORM AGAIN!" ( me to the werebear paladin who happens to be 8)
I exist, and I guess so does this
After finding the mimic that had been eating the local rock gnomes, the players decide to convince the mimic, improvised name Groger, to leave with some other form of food.
Hogar: How about eating pixies?
Groger: Oh I've tried pixies once, and boy was I tripping balls after that.
Hogar: Well I have this freshly picked mushroom, I can whip something up for you.
Hogar roles a 17 on survival, and gained advantage stage on persuasion, as the mimic is now his pet.
NPC, to the barbarian: will you marry me?
Barbarian: No dude we've literally been on two dates *uses teleportation circle to leave*
Warlock, bursting in: NPC will you marry me
DM: Seriously? no.
My character, who was shot by the barbarian like 5 minutes ago: now that was awkward
I was a fighter so I was fine.
Proud poster on the Create a World thread
"Sparks isn't acting like herself. Actually, she's acting a lot like herself, from the brief time I've known her."
Bless my poor, dumb tiefling.
Hombrew: Way of Wresting, Circle of Sacrifice