I'm not sure how to say this or what I should do, but I'm having some issues with some of the people in my group I'm DMing for. I'm a relatively inexperienced DM; I did a couple of easy one-shots back when I was in high school. Many years later, in my later years of college, I decided to get back into the hobby with some of my friends. Three of the five have played before and they all said they want a long, serious campaign. So I created one that is very simple in the beginning (escort this person to this place) and will pick up once they get comfortable (it will turn into a political intrigue kind of thing).
So for the issue that has arisen. The guys of the party will listen and pay attention when it is one of their turns or the story is focusing on them. However when it gets to the girls' turns, they will sit there on their phones or flat out start up a video game on one of their laptops. It becomes difficult when they later have no clue what is going on and I've gotten to the point where I no longer explain things they have missed. And I understand they might get bored when the attention is not on them, but they don't even attempt to get into the story. Two of them flat out told me they didn't want to develop backstories which made it difficult to incorporate them in the story and these two have continued this trend where they don't really try to interact with anything plot wise.
Besides that, one of them keeps making poor decisions on purpose. Like I get chaotic neutral characters and I don't want to be that DM, but he'll flat out escalate situations that don't deserve it. The NPC just offered to help you but says that they can't use their noble name because their not supposed to be seen here? He decides to almost kill them because they won't do exactly what he wants, derailing a lot of plot that I barely managed to smooth over.
Another one has flat out told me he doesn't care about the plot and would rather just do stupid stuff in every city. He doesn't make as bad decisions but he absolutely loves when the party gets chaotic and escalates things sometimes.
They are still my really close friends, however, so I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to call them out in case they get upset, but the girls have already come to me, pointing out the issues and I'm almost getting to the point where I want to tell them, "Do you not want to play? Then you don't have to. Either I'll create some NPCs or find some other people to fill spots." Or maybe I should split it into two campaigns (one for plot and one for them to be stupid). I've also considered in game consequences but I'm unsure what to do where it is still fair to the player.
It sounds like you haven't worked out the kind of experience/game you want to create, as a group. Heck, as a relatively inexperienced GM you might not know the kind of game you want to run yet - and that's fine; these things take time.
It also sounds like different people at the table want a different style of game. A couple of them sound like they want to show up, kill monsters, get loot - and not much else. A couple of them sound like the "mad scientist" type of Player. And it sounds like "the girls" want a story-based/role-playing type game.
None of these styles are wrong, and all of them can be a lot of fun in the right context - but it doesn't sound like a compatible mix. Some types are getting bored when the style of play isn't what they're interested in, and some are getting frustrated when their style of play is being disrupted.
A lot of people think that you can just pick up a group of random friends, and play an RPG together. It's possible - but it is tricky without some planning and negotiation. It's kind of like getting a large group of friends together and choosing where you want to go out to eat; everyone has preferences, and finding something that suits everyone can be hard.
So - my advice:
Talk to your Players - ideally individually - find out what they think a fun & interesting style of D&D game is for them. Also, find out the styles they'd be willing to play and get some enjoyment out of, even if it wasn't their first choice.
Think about the kind of game you want to run.
Compare all those, and see where - if anywhere - there is overlap.
If there isn't any overlap, you may have more than one distinct group of Players, and they just can't all be happy playing the same game.
Talk out the issue with your Players, once you know the situation.
Decide if you want to split the group and run multiple games ( you don't have to GM both, you might be a Player in one, and the GM in another ), or whether you want to concentrate on one of those groups.
Maintain those really close friendships. But some friends ... maybe you just weren't fated to play D&D with them. Find other things to do as friends.
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For problem 1 (players not paying attention), I have a similar issue, and don't have any quick fixes. Here are something that I have done / am trying to do
Ask / announce to the group that phones / laptops should be either put away or only have their character sheet (if its through D&D Beyond)
Is the style of game you are running something that they are interested in (also kinda applies to problem 2). After running Dragon Heist, I really wanted to run Out of the Abyss, and so had my party end up in the underdark. The shift in tone of the game did not suit several of my players / characters, so they got expedited out and back to Waterdeep. I will run or play in OotA another day and came up with some different stuff for them to do.
During combat, tell a player they are "on deck" the turn before theirs, so they can start thinking about what they want to do.
Not having a backstory is fine, but they should be able to at least give you something (an ally that they care about, an enemy from their past, something that motivates them) make a little mini adventure based on that, or try to occasionally add stuff that fits them.
For problem 2, it sounds like the tone of the game you are tying to run does not necessarily suit your players or their characters. Do the players want a serious or silly game? or is there a way to mix in both, where some sessions are serious, and then have some interludes that are just weird / stupid stuff (filler episodes of an anime). You and the players should be in agreement on the style of game, and the decorum that would be expected.
Thank you, everyone, for your advice. It helps a lot! The issue really just boils down to that everyone seems to be wanting something different (some want serious and some want silly and they are all trying to do both at the same time) but I do know that they all do want to play together.
I think next time we meet, I'll sit everyone down and have an open discussion of what they want and see if I can get them to compromise so everyone is on the same page. And I'll tell them to stay off their electronics.
I have a similar issue coming up. Running Avernus adventure and got directly asked about specific magic items. The searches were very specific and close to text of the module. Figuring my solution going to be a reorganization of items in the module
Take a mental note of the ratio of dice rolls, if you are making far more rolls per session than the players then there is probably an imbalance in the game dynamic.
I'm gonna go hard core social justice paladin here a second:
When it's a "girl's turn" the boys take out their phones and laptops and disengage? Uh, shut that down and shut it down hard. DnD is supposed to be an inclusive activity where the game doesn't care if you're man, woman, gay, straight, etc. It's about a group of people, ideally friends, coming together to tell a story. If the players are saying consciously or subconsciously that "We don't care what the girl does", that's a pretty harsh. It could be a coincidence; it is likely subconscious. But if you're running a game where each player "gets a spot light", then it's up to the group to be supportive of ALL players during "their spot light" time.
I know you said that you're all friends (Which is an ideal game group) but it's hard to shake that you might be over-selling that given that the players are being disrespectful of each other ~as players~. That applies too to the player who just wants to sow discord to see the system fall around him. That's great if EVERYone is on board. But when it's one player doing it, that's more of an immature "look at me tactic". It's taking the group game and making it about how he is the single most powerful person at the table.
It's not a mature attitude. Maybe the fix isn't to kick them out but if they're friends, then maybe framing it for them to say "look, we're all here to have fun and when you do this, we feel that".
I'm actually facing a similar problem with the group I pro-DM. But the two problem players are 11 years old.
That should tell you all you need to tell them.....
It seems like others have already given you the best advice I have which is simply to have a frank discussion with your players and pointedly remind them to respect each other.
I'm gonna go hard core social justice paladin here a second:
When it's a "girl's turn" the boys take out their phones and laptops and disengage? Uh, shut that down and shut it down hard. DnD is supposed to be an inclusive activity where the game doesn't care if you're man, woman, gay, straight, etc. It's about a group of people, ideally friends, coming together to tell a story. If the players are saying consciously or subconsciously that "We don't care what the girl does", that's a pretty harsh. It could be a coincidence; it is likely subconscious. But if you're running a game where each player "gets a spot light", then it's up to the group to be supportive of ALL players during "their spot light" time.
I know you said that you're all friends (Which is an ideal game group) but it's hard to shake that you might be over-selling that given that the players are being disrespectful of each other ~as players~. That applies too to the player who just wants to sow discord to see the system fall around him. That's great if EVERYone is on board. But when it's one player doing it, that's more of an immature "look at me tactic". It's taking the group game and making it about how he is the single most powerful person at the table.
It's not a mature attitude. Maybe the fix isn't to kick them out but if they're friends, then maybe framing it for them to say "look, we're all here to have fun and when you do this, we feel that".
I'm actually facing a similar problem with the group I pro-DM. But the two problem players are 11 years old.
That should tell you all you need to tell them.....
Seconded! If they haven't realized that they're doing this, I would point out to them that they are doing this!
Like, "bro, why do you stop paying attention whenever the girls go? They're at this table too"
I got the impression ( and as an impression it is suspect ) that this isn't a boy-vs-girls issues so much as the tactical-combat-and-loot focused Players getting bored/frustrated when the story-and-character-acting focused Players have the spotlight, and vice-versa. Not sure we need the social justice Paladin to suit up just yet - just stress basic manners and respect for other viewpoints. No need to reference gender at all.
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Get your closet friend within the group to back you up, then get them to help explain your plight. Talk about this with the group and how hard it is to run a game with these issues. If they don't comply tell them that you won't hold a game anymore. That's for the players ignoring the story.
My advice for the chaotic one, tell her to pick an alignment. None of this beating around bush with being neutral. Have her pick Good or Bad, and tell her to stay that way. That eliminates the possibly of her doing evil and if she wants to hinder the party do it in a rpg way. Make her character dumb but for some reason she handles all the brainy issues, or a mute and she handles the speaking and negations. If she can't play by your rules then she can hit the hay.
1) I think your idea of a frank discussion is a good one. Have a "Session 0" and discuss what sort of game folks want to play.
2) Folks should not be pulling out laptops and phones to play a game and ignoring something relevant. However, part of this is the player fault and part is the DM fault. Players should put away devices except for brief periods if they need to communicate with someone else.
3) However, it also sounds like you are trying to incorporate character backstories into your plot line resulting in sections of the session which focus on individual players to the exclusion of others. Incorporating back stories can be fun but it isn't required and shouldn't be a primary focus of the adventure. As the DM, you are engaging the GROUP in the adventure. There are reasons folks "don't split the group" ... one is that it is more dangerous :) but the other reason is that splitting the group breaks the flow of the game allowing players to disengage from what is going on. Having sections of the adventure that highlight individual players to the "exclusion" of others takes this to a level that causes folks to look for something else to do since they may not be that interested in someone else's story (even if you have tied it into the overall plot line).
For the group you have described, try to keep them working together to deal with specific goals. Keep them on task and focused. Try to avoid situations where they can all wander off doing their own thing since this leaves lots of downtime for individuals (which drives device usage) and can lead to disproportionate allocation of time to players.
Also, if the "boys" pay attention to each others story lines but pull out devices when it is the "girls" turn then you have a certain dynamic going on ... on the other hand, if folks are only paying attention when it is "their" story line then that is a different dynamic and the two require different approaches though in both cases the folks need to pay attention all the time and the easiest way to do that is to push the GROUP interactions as much as possible.
Finally, I'd suggest that this particular group might not be the best fit for a "political intrigue kind of thing". It sounds like some of the players want chaos ... which can sometimes be a sign of being "bored" and looking for SOMETHING to happen rather than driven by any deep-seated problem with the player. In this case, you might need to include a healthy dose of combat encounters, it can't be a primarily social interaction type of game for players like this. This is especially true if the characters aren't good at the social skills - persuasion/deception - these come up a lot in social interactions and some folks will role play what they want to do but are then stuck with only a limited chance of success due to stats and skills that focus on other things. If the characters are good at other things then as the DM you need to put in a range of encounters with enough frequency that these characters are fun to play.
For example, the low int/cha barbarian can be a real pain to play for some folks in a high level social/political intrigue campaign. Similar story for a low int/cha rogue or any melee in some cases. Role playing can help somewhat but it isn't that much fun to not get a chance to use the full range of your character abilities on a regular basis which means including encounters that are fun for all the characters.
Figuring this out and coming up with a good balance is difficult even for an experienced DM. It is much harder when you are just starting out with limited experience and a group of players that have a wide range of interests.
P.S. Age and gaming experience is also a factor. Some high school campaigns have a lot of hack and slash and very limited role playing. Excitement often comes from fireballing all the enemies rather than convincing the steward you really are a servant and to let you into the castle for some nefarious purpose. If some of the folks last played a few years ago they may be remembering quite different campaigns and experiences. The "boys" and the "girls" might also have had very different RPG experiences ... some might have focused more on role playing, others combat, others dungeon delving and some on exploration or social interaction.
Chatting to get an idea of where folks are coming from and what they are looking for will help you build a campaign that will work for this group (which may be nothing like whatever campaign you initially imagined :) ).
David made a great point. “Session 0” is one of the best tools a DM has to make sure all of the players are playing the same game when they sit down.
Also this is 2019. Session 0 can happen digitally too. My current game starting up has a Facebook group chat going to develop characters, backstories, expectations.
First off, the gaming on the laptop has got to go. I think you really need to set the expectations of the table. You really need to sit down and have a chat with them about these issues. Determine whether or not they really want to play the game or just hang out. As far as character background development. I wouldn't worry too much about that, but with that said should still expect the players to be engaged within the game. When players push too hard and try to force combat in various situations I think personally you should set up some consequences for their actions. You are the DM after all and you can very well force the direction of the game if you choose to. Even without making it seem like the group is being purposely railroaded for example. I'm not saying that you should make this a common practice as far as railroading but there are times when it is absolutely necessary and in your case you may want to consider pushing these troublesome players in the direction you intend to move the game. Or at least come up with some way to push them in the direction your players who are actually playing are going. In the end you really need to sit down and have a chat with these individuals like I was saying before and find out if they really want to play the game or not. Set those expectations and stick to it because in the end it would be a shame to have the whole group drop because of one or two players ruining the fun for the rest of the party.
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I'm not sure how to say this or what I should do, but I'm having some issues with some of the people in my group I'm DMing for. I'm a relatively inexperienced DM; I did a couple of easy one-shots back when I was in high school. Many years later, in my later years of college, I decided to get back into the hobby with some of my friends. Three of the five have played before and they all said they want a long, serious campaign. So I created one that is very simple in the beginning (escort this person to this place) and will pick up once they get comfortable (it will turn into a political intrigue kind of thing).
So for the issue that has arisen. The guys of the party will listen and pay attention when it is one of their turns or the story is focusing on them. However when it gets to the girls' turns, they will sit there on their phones or flat out start up a video game on one of their laptops. It becomes difficult when they later have no clue what is going on and I've gotten to the point where I no longer explain things they have missed. And I understand they might get bored when the attention is not on them, but they don't even attempt to get into the story. Two of them flat out told me they didn't want to develop backstories which made it difficult to incorporate them in the story and these two have continued this trend where they don't really try to interact with anything plot wise.
Besides that, one of them keeps making poor decisions on purpose. Like I get chaotic neutral characters and I don't want to be that DM, but he'll flat out escalate situations that don't deserve it. The NPC just offered to help you but says that they can't use their noble name because their not supposed to be seen here? He decides to almost kill them because they won't do exactly what he wants, derailing a lot of plot that I barely managed to smooth over.
Another one has flat out told me he doesn't care about the plot and would rather just do stupid stuff in every city. He doesn't make as bad decisions but he absolutely loves when the party gets chaotic and escalates things sometimes.
They are still my really close friends, however, so I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to call them out in case they get upset, but the girls have already come to me, pointing out the issues and I'm almost getting to the point where I want to tell them, "Do you not want to play? Then you don't have to. Either I'll create some NPCs or find some other people to fill spots." Or maybe I should split it into two campaigns (one for plot and one for them to be stupid). I've also considered in game consequences but I'm unsure what to do where it is still fair to the player.
I need some advice.
It sounds like you haven't worked out the kind of experience/game you want to create, as a group. Heck, as a relatively inexperienced GM you might not know the kind of game you want to run yet - and that's fine; these things take time.
It also sounds like different people at the table want a different style of game. A couple of them sound like they want to show up, kill monsters, get loot - and not much else. A couple of them sound like the "mad scientist" type of Player. And it sounds like "the girls" want a story-based/role-playing type game.
None of these styles are wrong, and all of them can be a lot of fun in the right context - but it doesn't sound like a compatible mix. Some types are getting bored when the style of play isn't what they're interested in, and some are getting frustrated when their style of play is being disrupted.
A lot of people think that you can just pick up a group of random friends, and play an RPG together. It's possible - but it is tricky without some planning and negotiation. It's kind of like getting a large group of friends together and choosing where you want to go out to eat; everyone has preferences, and finding something that suits everyone can be hard.
So - my advice:
Maintain those really close friendships. But some friends ... maybe you just weren't fated to play D&D with them. Find other things to do as friends.
My DM Philosophy, as summed up by other people: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rN5w4-azTq3Kbn0Yvk9nfqQhwQ1R5by1/view
Disclaimer: This signature is a badge of membership in the Forum Loudmouth Club. We are all friends. We are not attacking each other. We are engaging in spirited, friendly debate with one another. We may get snarky, but these are not attacks. Thank you for not reporting us.
For problem 1 (players not paying attention), I have a similar issue, and don't have any quick fixes. Here are something that I have done / am trying to do
For problem 2, it sounds like the tone of the game you are tying to run does not necessarily suit your players or their characters. Do the players want a serious or silly game? or is there a way to mix in both, where some sessions are serious, and then have some interludes that are just weird / stupid stuff (filler episodes of an anime). You and the players should be in agreement on the style of game, and the decorum that would be expected.
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Thank you, everyone, for your advice. It helps a lot! The issue really just boils down to that everyone seems to be wanting something different (some want serious and some want silly and they are all trying to do both at the same time) but I do know that they all do want to play together.
I think next time we meet, I'll sit everyone down and have an open discussion of what they want and see if I can get them to compromise so everyone is on the same page. And I'll tell them to stay off their electronics.
I have a similar issue coming up. Running Avernus adventure and got directly asked about specific magic items. The searches were very specific and close to text of the module. Figuring my solution going to be a reorganization of items in the module
Take a mental note of the ratio of dice rolls, if you are making far more rolls per session than the players then there is probably an imbalance in the game dynamic.
I'm gonna go hard core social justice paladin here a second:
When it's a "girl's turn" the boys take out their phones and laptops and disengage? Uh, shut that down and shut it down hard. DnD is supposed to be an inclusive activity where the game doesn't care if you're man, woman, gay, straight, etc. It's about a group of people, ideally friends, coming together to tell a story. If the players are saying consciously or subconsciously that "We don't care what the girl does", that's a pretty harsh. It could be a coincidence; it is likely subconscious. But if you're running a game where each player "gets a spot light", then it's up to the group to be supportive of ALL players during "their spot light" time.
I know you said that you're all friends (Which is an ideal game group) but it's hard to shake that you might be over-selling that given that the players are being disrespectful of each other ~as players~. That applies too to the player who just wants to sow discord to see the system fall around him. That's great if EVERYone is on board. But when it's one player doing it, that's more of an immature "look at me tactic". It's taking the group game and making it about how he is the single most powerful person at the table.
It's not a mature attitude. Maybe the fix isn't to kick them out but if they're friends, then maybe framing it for them to say "look, we're all here to have fun and when you do this, we feel that".
I'm actually facing a similar problem with the group I pro-DM. But the two problem players are 11 years old.
That should tell you all you need to tell them.....
"Teller of tales, dreamer of dreams"
Tips, Tricks, Maps: Lantern Noir Presents
**Streams hosted at at twitch.tv/LaternNoir
It seems like others have already given you the best advice I have which is simply to have a frank discussion with your players and pointedly remind them to respect each other.
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting
Seconded! If they haven't realized that they're doing this, I would point out to them that they are doing this!
Like, "bro, why do you stop paying attention whenever the girls go? They're at this table too"
I got the impression ( and as an impression it is suspect ) that this isn't a boy-vs-girls issues so much as the tactical-combat-and-loot focused Players getting bored/frustrated when the story-and-character-acting focused Players have the spotlight, and vice-versa. Not sure we need the social justice Paladin to suit up just yet - just stress basic manners and respect for other viewpoints. No need to reference gender at all.
My DM Philosophy, as summed up by other people: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rN5w4-azTq3Kbn0Yvk9nfqQhwQ1R5by1/view
Disclaimer: This signature is a badge of membership in the Forum Loudmouth Club. We are all friends. We are not attacking each other. We are engaging in spirited, friendly debate with one another. We may get snarky, but these are not attacks. Thank you for not reporting us.
Get your closet friend within the group to back you up, then get them to help explain your plight. Talk about this with the group and how hard it is to run a game with these issues. If they don't comply tell them that you won't hold a game anymore. That's for the players ignoring the story.
My advice for the chaotic one, tell her to pick an alignment. None of this beating around bush with being neutral. Have her pick Good or Bad, and tell her to stay that way. That eliminates the possibly of her doing evil and if she wants to hinder the party do it in a rpg way. Make her character dumb but for some reason she handles all the brainy issues, or a mute and she handles the speaking and negations. If she can't play by your rules then she can hit the hay.
Lots of good advice so far ...
1) I think your idea of a frank discussion is a good one. Have a "Session 0" and discuss what sort of game folks want to play.
2) Folks should not be pulling out laptops and phones to play a game and ignoring something relevant. However, part of this is the player fault and part is the DM fault. Players should put away devices except for brief periods if they need to communicate with someone else.
3) However, it also sounds like you are trying to incorporate character backstories into your plot line resulting in sections of the session which focus on individual players to the exclusion of others. Incorporating back stories can be fun but it isn't required and shouldn't be a primary focus of the adventure. As the DM, you are engaging the GROUP in the adventure. There are reasons folks "don't split the group" ... one is that it is more dangerous :) but the other reason is that splitting the group breaks the flow of the game allowing players to disengage from what is going on. Having sections of the adventure that highlight individual players to the "exclusion" of others takes this to a level that causes folks to look for something else to do since they may not be that interested in someone else's story (even if you have tied it into the overall plot line).
For the group you have described, try to keep them working together to deal with specific goals. Keep them on task and focused. Try to avoid situations where they can all wander off doing their own thing since this leaves lots of downtime for individuals (which drives device usage) and can lead to disproportionate allocation of time to players.
Also, if the "boys" pay attention to each others story lines but pull out devices when it is the "girls" turn then you have a certain dynamic going on ... on the other hand, if folks are only paying attention when it is "their" story line then that is a different dynamic and the two require different approaches though in both cases the folks need to pay attention all the time and the easiest way to do that is to push the GROUP interactions as much as possible.
Finally, I'd suggest that this particular group might not be the best fit for a "political intrigue kind of thing". It sounds like some of the players want chaos ... which can sometimes be a sign of being "bored" and looking for SOMETHING to happen rather than driven by any deep-seated problem with the player. In this case, you might need to include a healthy dose of combat encounters, it can't be a primarily social interaction type of game for players like this. This is especially true if the characters aren't good at the social skills - persuasion/deception - these come up a lot in social interactions and some folks will role play what they want to do but are then stuck with only a limited chance of success due to stats and skills that focus on other things. If the characters are good at other things then as the DM you need to put in a range of encounters with enough frequency that these characters are fun to play.
For example, the low int/cha barbarian can be a real pain to play for some folks in a high level social/political intrigue campaign. Similar story for a low int/cha rogue or any melee in some cases. Role playing can help somewhat but it isn't that much fun to not get a chance to use the full range of your character abilities on a regular basis which means including encounters that are fun for all the characters.
Figuring this out and coming up with a good balance is difficult even for an experienced DM. It is much harder when you are just starting out with limited experience and a group of players that have a wide range of interests.
P.S. Age and gaming experience is also a factor. Some high school campaigns have a lot of hack and slash and very limited role playing. Excitement often comes from fireballing all the enemies rather than convincing the steward you really are a servant and to let you into the castle for some nefarious purpose. If some of the folks last played a few years ago they may be remembering quite different campaigns and experiences. The "boys" and the "girls" might also have had very different RPG experiences ... some might have focused more on role playing, others combat, others dungeon delving and some on exploration or social interaction.
Chatting to get an idea of where folks are coming from and what they are looking for will help you build a campaign that will work for this group (which may be nothing like whatever campaign you initially imagined :) ).
David made a great point. “Session 0” is one of the best tools a DM has to make sure all of the players are playing the same game when they sit down.
Creating Epic Boons on DDB
DDB Buyers' Guide
Hardcovers, DDB & You
Content Troubleshooting
Also this is 2019. Session 0 can happen digitally too. My current game starting up has a Facebook group chat going to develop characters, backstories, expectations.
"Teller of tales, dreamer of dreams"
Tips, Tricks, Maps: Lantern Noir Presents
**Streams hosted at at twitch.tv/LaternNoir
First off, the gaming on the laptop has got to go. I think you really need to set the expectations of the table. You really need to sit down and have a chat with them about these issues. Determine whether or not they really want to play the game or just hang out. As far as character background development. I wouldn't worry too much about that, but with that said should still expect the players to be engaged within the game. When players push too hard and try to force combat in various situations I think personally you should set up some consequences for their actions. You are the DM after all and you can very well force the direction of the game if you choose to. Even without making it seem like the group is being purposely railroaded for example. I'm not saying that you should make this a common practice as far as railroading but there are times when it is absolutely necessary and in your case you may want to consider pushing these troublesome players in the direction you intend to move the game. Or at least come up with some way to push them in the direction your players who are actually playing are going. In the end you really need to sit down and have a chat with these individuals like I was saying before and find out if they really want to play the game or not. Set those expectations and stick to it because in the end it would be a shame to have the whole group drop because of one or two players ruining the fun for the rest of the party.